Mar 242012
 

– My most intimate relationship is with music.

– I like being social to a degree, but I’m super quick to feel smothered.

– I have a compulsion to anthropomorphize things, like: “Oh no, I haven’t used this coffee mug since last week & now its feelings must be hurt.” Sometimes this will drive me nuts with guilt & I find myself apologizing to Chooch’s toys if I chuck them too hard into his toy box.

– I’m talking to someone I shouldn’t be talking to. (No, I’m not cheating on Henry; put your whistles away.)

– Recently I have discovered that I hate people who hum.

– 2011 ended on such a horrible note, & 2012 has been following in those fucked up footsteps. Yet somehow I feel like I’m holding it together better than I ever have in the past when I have had every opportunity to crack open by now.

– I don’t let go of things easily, or at all.

– Obsessing over Jonny Craig is my only little break from reality & the real meaning behind it is something that I couldn’t put into words even if I wanted to, but I will say that it is a classic case of projection.

– I hate change so much that I almost started crying last week at the roller rink when the owner made me try on a new pair of skates, which prompted the rink ref to talk to me in a soft voice about how he doesn’t like change either but sometimes it’s good, & I felt like the biggest loser of all time.

– Over & over again, I attract people who want to possess me, & I quit being friends with Alisha for that very reason. Last year, it was a couple of car jackers. (Well, technically only one of them jacked a car, but isn’t one car jacker in anyone’s life enough?) And yes, it is happening now as well.

– I don’t really care about being “understood” anymore.

– I hate pretty much everything I have my hand in, this blog included.

– The house I live in makes me so upset that I cry about it at least once a day.

– I have not once had any desire to contact my mother since we quit talking on 12-25-10.

– People always say I’m lucky to have Henry, and I get that, but sometimes I wish he felt he was lucky to have ME.

No more drinking alone for this girl.

  8 Responses to “Saturday night secrets”

  1. Weird, I feel that way about inanimate objects, too. Your blog really cheers me up. I’m having a hard time right now, myself. Your blog always makes me laugh and entertains me and gives me something to think about. And I love reading about Chooch; he is such a funny kid. I’ve also had problems with people wanting to possess me. I think it happens to beautiful, creative types who have been hurt in life and are somewhat vulnerable. I don’t know; it is a theory. It’s a good idea to resist it if you can, because that is not a respectful or healthy way to treat a person. And it can get creepy. ew.

  2. It can be good to be this honest sometimes. That honesty and realness is one of the many things that make you beautiful. Henry is lucky to have you, his life would be pointless and BORING without you and I am sure he knows that. I love your blog and Jonny Craig might be an ass, but he would never be a cow. <3

  3. You are smart, creative, talented, beautiful, and adventurous. You are an awesome mom. You are charismatic and it’s obvious how much you value your family and friends. Of course Henry is luck to have you!

  4. There is no other person that could make Henry luckier than you.

  5. The good news is that you recognize the people who want to possess you, so you get to keep them out of your life. No more shit is needed to make you cry.

    Unfortunately, we are In Union in our difficulty in letting shit go. That really gets in the way.

  6. I hate humming, too.

  7. Sometimes, I read posts like this and have to stop and remind myself to breathe, because many of these thoughts could have been ripped from my brain, word for word.

    <3

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