Some things happened over the last week, and I took photos of some of those things, so let’s look at the photos and talk about the things, bullet-point style.
- Something terrible almost happened yesterday! Henry made me take the stupid trolley to work and while I was waiting on the platform, an announcement rang out about how, due to an accident, we could expect to experience a 20-minute delay! THAT MEANT I WAS GOING TO BE LATE. But right after that, my trolley came and I was like “Oh OK, maybe that announcement was meant for the trolleys going the other direction.” But as soon as I sat down, Mean Amber texted me and Lauren to tell us that an accident happened right in front of the trolley she was on and that they hadn’t moved in awhile. She must have been two or three trolleys ahead of us. She said she called Glenn and told him that we were all going to be late and I don’t trust so I emailed my supervisor too and told her what was going on. Anyway, the delay was a lot less time than anticipated, but I still had to RUN super fast and elbow my way past people because Pittsburghers walk SO SLOW, and then I got stuck talking to one of the travel department ladies in the elevator and literally ran away from her as soon as the doors slid open, while she was still talking, and burst through the doors of the department at EXACTLY 9:00AM. I punched the air above me and cried, “I’M NOT LATE! MY STREAK CONTINUES!” And absolutely no one cared.
- In other trolley news: I was sitting behind a broad who was feeding her baby a few weeks ago and it was fine until the baby was done eating because that’s when I found out that the mom was the most obnoxiously affectionate hag of all time and basically was the grand marshall of the PDA Parade all the way into town. And it wasn’t just me! Other people were gawking at her too, probably sharing my same wonderment of, “IS THIS BITCH GOING TO ACTUALLY EAT HER BABY?!” Because that’s what it seemed like. Ugh, it was nauseating. And then I sat behind her again the other day, but this time she was alone. Don’t worry, she spent the entire ride looking at pictures of her dumb baby on her phone. GAG. (It’s hard to believe I was once the mom of a baby, isn’t it?)
- In Marcy news: she continues to be adorable and I OMGLOVEHER.
- Right before I fell asleep Sunday night, I started thinking of Halloween and how, maybe now that I’m not stowed away in the Forgotten Hallway, I don’t have to be on strike again when it comes to decorating for Halloween at work. And then the theme of this year’s haunted desk wafted down from the rafters of my cobwebbed brain and I shook Henry awake to tell him what I was going to do. He didn’t care, obviously. I posted something about it the next morning on Facebook, without giving away what I’m doing. Mean Amber was like, “Great. I can’t wait to have to look at that every day.” BECAUSE I SIT RIGHT BEHIND HER NOW, HAHAHA. I hope that this year’s idea will be as successful as 2011’s Murder Desk and 2012’s Conflict Carnival. My favorite part is that there are so many people here now who weren’t here for the previous decorations, so they have no idea.
- Motherfucking polo shirts.
- Went to Mad Mex last night with my pals Gina and Elissa, where I almost expired by choking on a black cherry margarita, which I totally deserve for all of the times I’ve openly mocked my co-workers when they choke. Anyway, Gina reminded me of the time a few years when the three of us went to Mad Mex and had a waitress who apparently was confused and thought she was actually a guardian angel. WELL WHERE WAS SHE WHEN I ALMOST DROWNED ON TEQUILA!?
- A few days ago at work, Chris mentioned that she inadvertently found out that Glenn usedto be A BEE KEEPER ARE YOU KIDDING ME. And then of course, I completely forgot to hound him about it until earlier today, when he mentioned honey (we were having a strained conversation about vegans) and I said SPEAKING OF HONEY…I wish you guys could have seen his face when I asked him if it was true, likeall of these fond memories of wearing one of those weird masks came flooding back and he was so happy about it but also trying to act like he wasn’t experiencing Feelings at the same time. Kind of like when anyone asks Henry about THE SERVICE or TEDNUGENT. So I said, “Let’s talk about this” and Glenn said “OK” and then we just sat there and looked at each other in silence, until I went first and said, “Oh…am I supposed to ask you questions?” So I asked him if he was ever attacked (this is how I asked him:WEREYOUEVERATTACKED!??!?!?!?! while gagging on laughter. And he said, “No! It’s not like aSciFi movie!” And then I said, “Why did you stop?” and he said, “Because they all died” and then I felt sad about that, but he ruined it by telling me some boring story about how honey bees are dying and pesticide andblah blah blah so then I said, “OK, well I guess I don’t have any other questions” and then turned my back on him. A few seconds later, he mumbled, “That was some damn good honey, though.”
- Obviously, I’ll be making a Beekeeper Glenn for the collection.
- Oh snap:
- Also, right after I got here today, he said “Cool story, bro” to me and I was like “Wow, you’re so hip. Do you have a shirt that says that, too?”
- I grew a beard since we last talked.
- We met our friends Chris and Monica for ice cream the other night, because Chris is always going on about how Bruester’s makes really good sea salt caramel ice cream and that was the flavor of the day so of course I was like, “What? Ice cream date, you say?” even though she totally didn’t say that but that’s what I turned it into. While we were eating our ice cream, Henry said something to Chooch about me and referred to me as “your mother” and I made the mistake of announcing to everyone how much I hate that because it makes me feel like I should be wearing a bonnet, so of course MONICA took that and ran with it and referred to me as “Chooch’s mother” for the rest of the night! Anyway, here are some pictures from Getting Ice Cream:
Chooch, pre-gaming with mini Rolos. Like you do.
It was perfectly salty and sea-y and caramel-y! Good call, Chris.
Here’s where we all got our ice cream and then left Henry alone.
Almost smiling a little bit over his manly ice cream.
- I still haven’t come to terms with the fact that The Killing is over.
- The other night, Henry had left to take his mom home and Chooch got super demanding. It was all, “I WANT I WANT I WANT!” Apparently he was hungry? So I made him noodles which is one of the few things I’m able to do adequately (mostly) and it was just so exhausting because hello, I was hungry too! Henry finally came home and I was like, “OMG Chooch is being so annoying and demanding! It’s like, ‘Do all of these things for me!’ Ugh!” and Henry just stood there and stared at me and then finally I realized it was because:
- Chooch : Erin as Erin : Henry
- Chooch and I were hiding from Henry outside of CVS last week and I was acutely aware of everyone in the parking lot observing us. “We look like creeps,” I whispered as we stood flush against a brick pillar. “No,” Chooch corrected. “We look like SNIPERS.” Yeah, snipers!
- Remember last week when I almost was blown up by a bomber? I SAW HIM AGAIN YESTERDAY! ON THE SAME STREET! This time, he was holding a cigarette in one hand and the other hand was pointing at a garbage can. Of course, I immediately took his picture and then proceeded to call Henry 15 times, while Henry proceeded to ignore my calls 15 times. I can’t believe he didn’t care. Actually, scratch that–I can.
- I woke up this morning inspired to paint and write like I used to back in 2008. That feels pretty good.
- Pat Sajak is definitely not sorry when the wheel lands on “bankrupt” and I wish he would stop lying about it.
- Before I went to bed on my birthday last week, I received an unexpected, albeit furiously wished-for, phone call. The next day, Emarosa released a new song. This is not a coincidence.
- That fucking awful Wendy’s spokesginger and the Progressive cow can kindly go fall off a cliff, seriously. Shouldn’t Flo be retiring by now? Hasn’t she been the Progressive cow for like 20 years at this point? I WILL NEVER GET PROGRESSIVE INSURANCE. HENRY! DON’T EVER GET US PROGRESSIVE INSURANCE. And I was ‘meh’ about the Wendy’s spokesginger until these new ads started to run which feature her singing burgerfied renditions of “All By Myself” and MR. BIG ARE YOU KIDDING?! That pushed me over the fucking edge. Fuck you, Wendy’s.
Um, I think that’s all. K, bye!
- Obviously, I’ll be making a Beekeeper Glenn for the collection.