Mar 182010
 

I did a bad thing. When my so-called friend Christina fucked up for the last time back in November, I held my head high and acted like I was cool with it, like it didn’t bother me that she had fucked me over yet again. But it caught up with me last month and since then I’ve run the gamut of emotions. The worst of it caused me to spend my days chasing an appetite and my nights crying on Henry’s shoulder. I emailed her sporadically, and she wouldn’t answer. I knew that she was back with her pathetic girlfriend, that this was why she played the “I’m just too fucked up to be friends with anyone, I need to get my life together” card last November. Her girlfriend would never allow us to be friends, and obviously being in an abusive relationship with a disgusting human being was more important than staying true to herself and her feelings.

Henry actually talked to her last week, said she sounded unhappy. She told him she thinks about me everyday and to tell me that “it’s not over.” Well, la-de-da. Let me sit here and wait for you to murder your girlfriend (would not be surprised if that happened) and then come running back to me covered in blood. Fuck you.

“Please tell Erin not to tweet or blog about this phone call,” she begged Henry. Because her girlfriend Sylvia is so devoid of TRUST that she creeps on every single thing I write on the Internet, checks Christina’s phone and probably reads her emails too.  What a great relationship! Where do I get one of those?

Well, that was all I needed. I asked her one last time to talk to me, to give me the answers I feel, after seven years, I deserve. And now? Now I’m just angry. And ready to tell the story. Every sordid detail, starting from the beginning.

Consider this a prologue. There is a lot I have to say, and it will take a lot of time, and there will be times that I don’t come across so favorably. There will be times aplenty where you will want to comment and say, “Why didn’t you just end it?” and I will tell you now that my reply will always be “I’m not quite sure, I guess because I’m a sadist.” I am sure I will at some point receive a barrage of hate mail from the Christina Camp. But I’m willing to risk that for the sake of getting this 1,000 pound hog off my chest. I am done letting this piece of shit hurt me and invalidate my feelings. By writing this, it will forever ensure that this is the end. No more take-backs. No more I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it ‘s.

This coffin has needed a nail since 2004. I’m here now with a few dozen.

So, if you like the stench of dirty laundry and want a behind the scenes look at the emotional luggage to which I’ve been handcuffed for the last 7 years, then this is for you.

I want to thank everyone who has been supporting me and encouraging me to do this.

  42 Responses to “The Christina Chronicles: Prologue”

  1. <3 Im here if you need anything.

  2. I know you hear this constantly but she does NOT deserve you. Anyone who’s going to shit on the most positive influence in their life deserves to be alone and miserable, and I guarentee you she will be.

  3. Be well.

    I hope the telling eases something.

    • Thank you, I hope it will too. There are also a lot of positive aspects, and I hope that remembering those and preserving them with words will help temper the anger I feel.

  4. sing it, sister.

  5. I’m proud of you.
    And I’m going to get you some of those brass balls that rednecks hang from their trailer hitch.
    Hugs

  6. Anyone who knows you knows that this is where you express yourself, so for her to ask Henry that you censor yourself and keep this situation in is unfair. If her girlfriend can’t handle the truth, oh well, stop reading. She has Christina, what more does she want? You owe them nothing. Paranoia and jealousy say far more about the bearer than the recipient in my experience.

    Seriously Erin, you do deserve better, I agree with the others. I told you this in the beginning, but I have a hard time maintaining friendhsips with women, often the drama and passive-agreesiveness become too much for me to handle… I am direct, sometimes to my detriment, but at least that’s genuine. I have found you to be the same way and I love you for it. In the short time we have been friends I have come to treasure you and your thoughtful and appreciative manner, anyone who would throw that away is downright idiotic.

    Purge this pain and use your writing to reflect, let this be your catharsis, but please don’t lose any part of yourself in this experience. You’ve given this your very all, and I expect no less of you, it’s who you are and that’s awesome… I’m the same way, even though it often can be very painful, I need to know I did everything I possibly could have to no have regrets. Don’t beat yourself up for coming this far with her, just learn from it, and don’t let her win by making you feel defeated.

    • THANK YOU! I really do value you and the support you’ve given me, all the way back to last winter when we first talked about all this.

      “Don’t beat yourself up for coming this far with her, just learn from it, and don’t let her win by making you feel defeated.”

      This is what I keep reminding myself when I start to think of all the times in the past when I should have let it go, when I shouldn’t have given her the umpteenth chance. But I needed to have a sense of finality, and those last few mths we were “friends” were AWFUL. Most days I didn’t even want to talk to her. I have to keep reminding myself of that so I don’t let the feelings of nostalgia and this goddamn pull for closure get the best of me. Because she has clearly moved on. Or not. Probably not, lol.

  7. Yes you totally DO need some of those truck balls!! omg

    You have a very pretty spine. I’m glad you have it back.

    *giant ass hug*

    • I really want brass balls now! Thanks you two!

      Seriously Merry, thank you for your email. It was honestly the wake up call I needed. It made something fall into place for me. I’m not a weak person, and she may have gotten away with breaking me for the last few weeks, but that is OVER and the old Erin is BACK. She doesn’t deserve even a DROP of my tears.

      And if she ever tries to pull any shady shit again, well, I know someone who can get me some voodoo dolls. :)

  8. As someone who has read your writing for the last several yrs, I have often tried to read between the lines and wondered just what exactly was going on It seemed like you had a special bond with her at some point but that stopped coming across in your posts about her quite some time ago.

    I’m interested in reading more and I hope it proves cathartic. {{hugs}}

    • Hi! Thanks for this. Yes, there were good times, but I can’t even remember the last one. Maybe two years ago? Maybe more?

      I’ll do my best to fill in the lines for you. <3

  9. Ditto! Writing might be good catharsis for you. And as enjoyable as writing fiction can be, expressing your real life and real emotion is what bonds people together.

    • Thanks! 99% of my writing is real life stuff, I rarely write fiction (mostly just for my paintings) and I have connected with so many unexpected, lovely people that way. I hope that sharing this might make people understand me more. I’m sure that I will also be judged, and that’s OK too.

  10. I don’t believe in censoring yourself. Well, not much anyway. As I’ve gotten older I’ve pushed myself to say what’s on my mind more and more and I like myself better for it. I feel happier now even though I think talking about my emotions is the hardest thing in the world. Anyhow…

    GO YOU!

    • Thanks!

      I’ve only censored parts of myself (as far as writing goes) throughout the years to protect other parties involved. But I guess I don’t have to do THAT anymore.

  11. I am literally on the edge of my seat!

  12. dish it and get rid of it / her / them
    I always admire your honesty so keep on keep’n on

    brutally honest always ALL WAYS

  13. p.s. here is a hug too ~huggie~
    p.s.s here is also a slap for allowing another to play with your personal power

  14. I hope your writing this gives you some closure and makes you feel better. I’m sorry she’s continued to play games with you. You shouldn’t have to wait for her to be ready to come back.

  15. God I want to be you right now. Weird thing to say I know but with all the friend drama bullshit I’ve had this year, I want to find your stones

    • Weird, because I actually thought of you when I was writing this. Your friendship with Kay reminds me of how it was with Christina when things were good.

      Friend drama just NEVER GETS OLD, does it? Ugh.

  16. If this is the Christina I think you’re referring to, I went to high school with her. Did you know that she links to your website on the alumni website?

    Anyhoo I’ve been reading your articles for awhile now because of that. I didn’t like her back then and can only imagine the shit she pulled on you because she was pretty fucked up then to.

    • HAHAHA! Yes, I knew that. She also had a PICTURE of me on there too and I begged her to take it off a long time ago. Never went back to check if she did though.

      I’m certain Christina has always been fucked up, and will continue along that same path. I’m just glad that I don’t have to be the one scooping up her shit-covered pieces anymore.

      Cool of you to leave a comment, thanks!

  17. I’m glad you’re getting it all out here “on paper” so to speak! And I’m proud of you for making the right decision for YOU. And I’m proud of Henry for calling her and supporting you in this. Wait. Did I just say that? Del, del, del… ;-)

    • JERI! You are among the few I turned to with this and your support and advice really helped me get myself out of that sappy, mopey hole I fell into.

      I’m telling Henry you’re proud of him!

      • Anytime! What are friends for if not to be there for each other, y’know? And Drue is dying to head your way and says we will bring PIE. We should figure out a good date!

        And fine, tell him… but on a low ego day mmk? We don’t want him too puffed up! ;-P

  18. I agree with everyone else. Sing it! It will do you a world of good and as always, provides brilliant reading material.

    • Thank you! I have to be careful that I don’t let my anger get too out of hand when I write it. I want to be honest, not mean.

      Though today I was able to laugh with Henry about some of it, so I think that’s a good sign that I’m letting go of the anger…maybe? Ha!

  19. idk how i missed this post, really. i must have been blinded by something.

    *hugs*

    whatever, i know it’s lame, but i totally mean it.

  20. 1000 pound hog.

    Hell yes.

  21. I am the latest commenter ever, but.

    I hope that writing this all out proves cathartic for you. I know that she meant a lot to you and she hurt you overmuch; it always made me incredibly angry that she could be so cavalier with your feelings.

  22. You know I have always supported you and will continue to support you. I think most of the issues I sensed immediately with her, but…it’s not really something you can warn or prepare someone for, you know?

    I love you!

    • You were always telling me from the get-go that she was troubled. I wish I wasn’t so stubborn, though I guess I really did need to see for myself. Thank you for not giving up on me every time I inevitably came crawling back to you for advice. You were right – she has way too many internal struggles to be good for anyone, and she and Sylvia will undoubtedly go round and round for the rest of their lives. They can just count me out though, because I have a life to live without their bullshit!

      I love you too!

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