You know how you never wished to have serial killer-themed Valentine cards to send out to your loved ones? Well, this is your chance to get FIVE of the things you never wished to have, FOR FREE! Oh believe it, my friends. This could be your year to express your love by sending the mugs of Richard Ramirez, Jeffrey Dahmer, Albert Fish, Ted Bundy and Ed Gein to five lucky people in your life.
Could it be your stalkee?
The cop who had your car towed?
This card gives new meaning to eternal love, and what’s better than that, except for maybe the possibility of a lover turning your skinned flesh into a lampshade.
Bestow your loved one with Ed Gein’s mug on Valentine’s Day, or any regular old day you want them to know that you still think they’re a fine piece.
This Valentine’s Day, show the object of your obsession that you mean business. Serious, bloody, stabbing business.
There is something tingly and erotic when someone tells you, “Hey you know I love you right? But I’d love you even more if you let me get all Food Network with your flesh.” It’s like the new anal sex for the reluctant partner.
This card portrays one of America’s most beloved cannibals, Albert Fish. Maybe he can help push your cause.
Treat your Valentine to this lovingly thoughtful card to let them know that not only do you love them, but you bet they’re tasty too. I don’t know about you, but there’s little that can get my libido Jazzercized quite like the threat of cannibalism.
[inside reads: …and how great a pair of nylons would look wrapped around your neck]
Let your loved ones know that not you, but TED BUNDY, is thinking of them by sending this very thoughtful card. Sure, they might get some chills, but only because they feel SO SPECIAL.
The winner gets all five cards, made of thick and sturdy cardstock which will be delivered to you with five accompanying envelopes. The bases, they have all been covered.
To enter: leave a comment here, including an email address where you can be contacted if you are the winner. You don’t have to do all that re-tweeting and Facebook-liking shit. A simple comment will suffice. But if you want to fancify said comment with an anecdote, your life story, Degrassi spoiler alerts, that would be just fine also. I am a bored girl; please amuse me.
Entries will be accepted until noon on Friday, at which point the winner will be chose at the whim of Random.org. Once the winner replies to me with a mailing address, the cards will be shipped out post haste. Now go on, fools! Enter!
[These cards plus more are available for purchase over at non compos cards. Peace out, girl scout.]
THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED!
The winner was comment #11: Naomi V. Your cards will be mailed out once I get a shipping address. Thanks to everyone for playing!