After 7 years of crunching numbers for Jockstraps R Us, Felix put in his two week notice. It caused quite a ripple, as Felix was the tallest employee. Now everyone would have to be measured to find his successor. But mainly no one really cared.
There were a lot of things Felix would miss, like every Wednesday when Yvette the receptionist would wear polyester hotpants and a terry halter. And pizza Fridays when every one would laugh behind their napkins when Beatrice, unbeknownst to herself, wound up with shreds of anchovies ribboned around her braces.
Felix knew there would be a party — every one got a party thrown in their honor when they left the company; a soiree full of well wishes and moist cake with fluffy buttercream frosting. If the boss’s son hadn’t pilfered too much from petty cash that week, there was a chance a Mylar or two might be kissing the flourescent ceiling lights.
And on Felix’s last day, there was a kiss off party indeed. Beatrice diligently cut the cake into precise cubes, ensuring that Felix got the piece that had his name scrawled in shaky sugared calligraphy. After everyone licked the last of the icing from their fingers, various employees began stepping forward, saying a few words to send Felix off into the world of opportunity.
"Felix always wore deodorant," Samson declared, and everyone nodded their heads in earnest.
"Felix always bought a pack of Skittles after lunch, and he always gave me the red ones," Abraham spoke somberly.
"Everyday, I pissed a little in Felix’s apple juice," Cleaver chuckled.
"And everyday, I was banging his wife," hollared Julio, face red and bloated with hilarity.
Original painting on an 8×8 piece of canvas board, perfect for framing.
[THANK YOU KATE for your purchase of "Leaving" and for supporting the shelter! You made my day!]