Sep 022015

Something has been feeling weird to me, different and off, and finally last night I realized that it’s been months (well, maybe just one month) since I’ve regaled this bleak corner of the internet with bullet points. All those thoughts swirling around in my head (even though Glenn likes to remind me daily that it’s empty) need some place to go. So…to the shooting range it is!

  • It’s been a few weeks since I bought any new succulents. The pickings have been slim as the summer winds down and some of the last ones I bought have DIED because like I said: LOWE’S ABUSES THEIR SUCCULENTS. I’m going to start buying them online, because this is just bullshit. However, a bunch of my cuttings have sprouted roots and several have the most adorable baby buds, which I am ecstatic about because who knew that I was capable of not only keeping plants alive but also PROPAGATING NEW ONES? I have my babes spread out all over the house, but here’s my main set-up:

  • And while we’re on the topic of succulents, you’ll be pleased to know that Ted NUDEgent continues to thrive. It’s hard to believe he was once on his death bed! God, I just love my succulents so much. Ask Henry. He was horrified the other night when I jumped up from the couch, sucked in my breath audibly, and then whipped back the curtain. “WTF?” Henry said, waiting  to see if he should panic too. I grabbed a plant off the windowsill and clutched it to my chest. “Panne! I can’t believe I forgot about him!” I cried, shoving Panne into Henry’s face so he could see that Panne was OK. Henry just scowled. Seriously though, Panne is one of my favorites and I can’t believe I had set him down somewhere I couldn’t easily see him! Anyway, believe is a picture of Ted NUDEgent, looking all green and sexy.

  • Wendy (who is currently IN LABOR!) and I were having a serious discussion in her office last week, which resulted in me saying, in all seriousness, “I mean, I’ll do whatever I can to spare someone’s feelings—-” to which Wendy cut me off by laughing laugh, and without mirth. “Seriously? Are you kidding? YOU DO NOT!” And then we both started laughing, because who the hell am I kidding.
  • Speaking of Wendy, I can’t believe I forgot to mention this. About a month ago, when I was at dinner with her and Barb, she was giving Barb directions to her upcoming baby shower. “Oh, it’s by that hotel?” Barb asked, and Wendy was like, “Maybe? Sure. Whatever.” Barb went on to say, “You know, the pay-by-the-hour one” and then something about how she spent some time there back in the day, much to Wendy’s horror. “Oh, I used to go to those a lot too,” I said in Barb’s defense. “Like the Moonlite on 51.” Barb said, “That’s the one that sit back off the road a little, right? I’ve been to that one, too.” And while we practically high-fiving each other about this, Wendy blurted, “You two are both whores!” It was awesome. But seriously though, you couldn’t beat the Moonlite. They sold cans of Cherikee Red in the office!


  • I refilled my candy urn with some Asian candy treats a few weeks ago and it was surprisingly a big hit. Especially those Choc-Nuts, which start out tasting like a mistake but then suddenly turn delicious. I looked online for Romanian candy to order but I couldn’t really find anything but probably I just got distracted.
  • I think Wendy is still in labor.

  • Henry and I have watched some good horror movies recently, but the best one in my opinion was the Iranian vampire film A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night. I’m no movie reviewer, but this one made me so excited that I almost dedicated a whole post to it, until I realized that beyond saying, “OMG I LOVED IT!” I wouldn’t really know what else to say. Which is funny considering I can spill out 2,000 words about a new fruit I’ve tried. Anyway, vampire movies are my favorite horror sub-genre (people always think I’m a zombie fan, but only marginally!), but it takes a lot for me to get REALLY excited about one, like “Let The Right One In” (the original). This one had a similar feel — small town, lots of quiet suspense. The music was great, the cinematography, the cast. It was a phenomenal movie.
    • Also, Housebound is hilarious and original. We finally watched It Follows, too, after missing it when it was playing at the Hollywood last spring, and while I liked it, it didn’t really excite me as much as I anticipated. I’m excited for the cooler months because I want to start having people over for horror movie marathons like the old days. WHEN THINGS WERE SO SIMPLE AND WE HAD TO WALK INTO A VIDEO RENTAL STORE TO FIND MOVIES TO WATCH. I really miss those days so much. There was a video shop within walking distance of my house called Incredibly Strange Videos and it was the absolute shit. Bruce, the proprietor, carried everything and he is the one who really got me into foreign horror. I used to walk in and say, “Tell me what to rent” and he would never fail me. Also, he had an interesting collection of student-filmed horror movies, some of which turned out to be incredible and scarier than any of the bullshit Hollywood keeps subjecting us to. STOP REMAKING THINGS. Please.
  • Jeannie just came over and said that Wendy is literally the worst for not having the baby yet.

  • Remember when we started to clean Chooch’s room, a/k/a Hoarder’s Hostel, last winter? Well, we (Henry) kind of dropped the ball halfway through, but I made him pick it back up a few weeks ago and it looks so much better now. Plus, I found this awesome Polaroid of baby Chooch with one of his many novelty pacifiers, and we managed to hang up most of the art that he’s been collecting, like this cat picture that I bought him two Christmases ago and #COOKIEPIZZA! We still randomly shout about #cookiepizza. Chooch has quite a collection of art for a nine-year-old.

  • WENDY HAD THE BABY!!!! What a great day!
  • I told Jeannie that the baby is here and she said, “Eh” and shrugged. I’d be worried if her reaction was any more chipper than that! ;)
  • And then Todd said that he didn’t realize she was that pregnant. MEN. LOL.
  • Hey, speaking of vampires, I went to get ice cream with Chris and Monica last week andwas disappointed that I didn’t wear my best cape to orderBruster’s flavor of the day, and even more disappointed when I realized that Blood Drive Friday was not, in fact, a flavor. I wish I hadmy own ice cream shop. Only a very specific type of person will patronize it, and that’s ok.
    • Meanwhile, Chris and Monica had a huge bag full of extra vegetables from their CSA, which they gifted to me and Henry turned them into a magical soup. Plus! There was a container of HUCKLEBERRIES, which apparently taste like shit on their own. So Henry baked them into a huckleberrybrickle, whatever the fuck abrickle is, and it made me feel all folky, eating a huckleberry thing. Thank you, Chris and Monica!
      • I don’t know what a brickle is because it’s apparently a buckle. Henry made a huckleberry buckle.
        • I don’t know what a buckle is, either. I mean, buckles in the baked goods world.
  • I got a Gold Star for Excellence in the field of Excellence a few weeks ago! Sandy and Nate are the best co-workers. I taped it up next to my Citation for Jaywalking. My desk is a rollercoaster of emotions.
  • Kara just texted me because Facebook told her that five years ago today, we were all at the spray park when Chooch face-planted into the cement ground and gushed blood EVERYWHERE. I have never seen a place clear out so fast before in my life. I haven’t been back there since.
  • This morning on my way to the idiot trolley, I was struck by an overwhelming sense of FALL even though it’s 90 today in Pittsburgh. But more specifically, I felt excited to revive the PIE PARTY! It was on hiatus last year because I was burnt out and didn’t feel like being social. But now I want to get back at it, much to Henry’s chagrin. I’m hoping I can sway him. Pie Party is legend!

Well, I guess Glenn is right after all: my damn head is pretty fucking empty.

  14 Responses to “Summer Shots. Bang Bang.”

  1. Pie party!!!! I am determined to make it this year!!

  2. What would say are your top 3 vampire movies?

    • I really need to think about that one but I can tell you without hesitation that The Lost Boys is my #1 favorite. I’ll get back to you!

    • OK, #2 is Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Maybe that’s obvious and cliche, but that film ruled my teenage life. The moodiness, the romance, the costumes, THAT ANNIE LENNOX SONG…Gary Oldman’s Dracula was the sexiest Dracula of all time. That one is a classic, and I was struggling last night to think of any other vampire movie that I would place before it, aside from Lost Boys. BRB with #3! This was a hard question to answer!

    • Ok I have been thinking probably too hard on this subject, but I have seen a lot of vampire movies so there’s a lot swirling around in my head. BUT I think for my #3 I’m going to go with 30 Days of Night because that is one of the only ones I can think of that sincerely scared the shit out of me, because ALASKA. Ugh. Of course Alaska would have horrific, non-sexy vampires.

      • 30 days of night was an amazing movie. The vampires were so different and the actual movie had me so tense feeling I thought I was going to have a heart-attack at any second.

        Bram Stoker’s put Gary Oldman on the map for one of the best actors for me. He’s not a sexy man by a long shot and yet you are spot-on about his Dracula being the sexiest of all time. How did he do it?

        Oh Lost Boys. There’s so much to love about. The whole movie has this carnival atmosphere that at once feels familiar and inviting, and threatening and strange. Can shirtless sax man be stopped? I think not.


  3. Chooch and Harland were so cute back then! I love that they still play together, and that Chooch wasn’t scared for life.

    I’m so pumped for pie party. Need to find something to top the chemical pie…

  4. I would definitely eat at your ice cream shop.

    Want a nerdy tidbit about me? I dressed up as Bram Stoker for my book report in 5th grade, because I did my report on Dracula.

  5. I just bought A girl walks… online and I can’t wait to see it. I bought It Follows awhile back and was a little disappointed in it. I jumped a few times but it was kind of boring albeit very nicely shot. I too am a fan of vampire movies and cheesy gore. Japanese horror movies are the most terrifying I think although I haven’t seen enough to be an expert. I still have Let the right one in on my Netflix queue. You inspired to set aside a night or two to catch up.

    I would try Blood Drive Friday as long as it wasn’t red velvet flavored.

  6. I totally started feeling Fall in the air about a week ago. So we have been binge-watching ghost shows and watched our first horror movie of the season (The Babadook). I LOVE this time of year so much!

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