Hello from a new-to-us state! I don’t know why but going to Iowa was one of the  things I was most excited about when planning this trip. Just because, why Iowa, you know? Like, who goes to Iowa for vacation. But it just so happens that there are some cool amusement parks here!

Anyway, we spent most of the day at World of Fun in Kansas City, Missouri after checking out the NOT-Victorian in Branson. It was another hotter than Hell day. 95 degrees I think but the “feels like” was 108. It felt every bit that hot too.

We left there around 5:30, (they closed at 7:00 but we had already done everything we needed to do, plus get re-rides our faves) and stopped at ZOMBIE BURGER in Des Moines. We made it there around 8:15 and I’ll be so for real here, it wasn’t all that – just a gimmicky place capitalizing off of horror by decorating with zombie art and naming the food after horror movies. But I buy into that shit, PLUS they had a veg section. I had homed in the Negan burger, which was the Zombie Burger’s own veggie nut burger and that sounded fantastic plus, NEGAN.

“I hope they actually have it, or I’ll cry,” I said, because, tragically, “Sorry, we don’t have that anymore” follows me from restaurant to restaurant.

“HOW?” Chooch dead-panned. “Do you even have anything left? You’ve been crying all day.”

Wow. He is such a good son. The best boy.

Anyway, YES THEY DID HAVE IT.

Henry got a beer and I had some sips. It was a WarPigs Foggy Geezer IPA. I created a monster with him and IPAs. Bro, branch out a little.

The Negan! It was good – my favorite part was actually the bun. It was very soft and fluffy and I enjoyed it very much, thank you for asking, omg you’re too kind but no I don’t think I’ll be starting a bun-reviewing periodical at this time.

Bathroom graffiti.

Decor was really on point.

Oddly, a baseball game was on the TVs at the bar – if I’m going to a zombie-themed eatery, I’m expecting zombie classics playing on a loop. But cook on with your baseball game, I guess.

Afterwards, I didn’t want to immediately go to the hotel. We’ve  never been in Des Moines before and I wanted to see some of it! Henry signed and drove toward the river at my command. There was parking along the bridge! So we did that and Henry thought I was just going to get out and take a quick picture but turned into, “Let’s just walk to the edge of the bridge and back” which then bled into, “I want to just walk a block down there and get a picture of that sign.”

“The TRAVELERS SIGN?” Chooch scoffed in a who cares tone.

“Yeah, I like it,” I shouted back. LET. ME. LIVE.

We saw whatever the fuck this is on the way, and the CASEYS CENTER – a venue named after Henry’s new favorite gas station that he has stopped at a hundred times on this trip so far. Also, there was a baseball stadium with a game happening and Chooch found out it was their minor league team, Cubs. I wanted it to be the Cornstalks.

Come on, it was a cool sign!

I didn’t look to see what this is, I assume an art museum or something.

After walking back on the other side of the bridge, I determined I was satisfied and that we could go. But then I saw what HAD to have been the Capitol Building peeking out in the distance. I SCREAMED when Henry got onto the highway because I thought he understood by my cries of childlike wonder that I wanted to get CLOSER to the Capitol. So, he muttered under his breath and veered off onto a ramp back into the downtown area. Yayayayayayay!

Oh, and I should mention that there was a wicked lightning storm happening, which got way worse and has since turned into a storm-storm as I sit here in the hotel writing this.

I just really thought this was so beautiful and am so happy that we got to see it at night!

This is the Iowa Soldiers and Sailors Monument a/k/a “Iowa’s Most Scandalous Statue”:

LOL – this is on Roadside America so I was stoked to get to mark another idiotic thing as “been there.”

So, that part of the night was very nice – I like when we get a chance to actually see parts of the cities we visit for roller coasters, especially because I can’t foresee any other reason that would have brought me there. And from what I saw, Des Moines is beautiful!

Then the night took a turn when we drive the 15 minutes to Altoona Iowa to check into our hotel, which ended up being a Best Western directly across from Adventureland with a ton of truckers parked in the lot and the area was just bad vibes all around. When Chooch and I  were waiting for the elevator, one of the aforementioned truckers  walked past and mumbled, “Welcome to the shit hole” to us. WTF.

Then we got to our floor and some weird child-thing came slithering out of its room at the same time as someone from the floor above took off running back and forth and then as soon as we opened the door to our room, there was maniacal pounding from the room above.

“Nope,” I said and walked right on out. Henry was in the hallway at this point and I said, “I’m not staying here,” as I walked past him to the elevator. Just felt it in my gut. The trucker’s ominous non-greeting, the stampeding, the blah room. I couldn’t do it. Not on the eve of my birthday. This of course resulted in a big argument in the car, but now we are ready for bed in a nice, clean, reputable Hilton:

Sory. But sometimes I need to be fucking spoiled, and I don’t care. I wasn’t sleeping in that other place. And for as much as we harped on Henry over the Branson hotel, that one was clean and quiet at least. No frills at all but we slept well and it legit felt like we were the only ones there. Not a peep from the other rooms.

I don’t know what the plan is for tomorrow. The weather looks iffy – storms and rain. Not sure if the park will even be open. If it’s still lightning the way it is tonight, I don’t know what we will end up doing. :/

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