After being Lookie Lous at the St. Louis Arch last Sunday morning, we continued on to Six Flags in Eureka, Missouri. I think it was about 30 minutes outside of St. Louis, and my first impression was that it seemed kind of beautiful from the road, for being a Six Flags park. It’s nestled right at the base of a fluffy green hill/mountain:

(I snagged this shot from Photos at Six Flags St. Louis | Parkz – Theme Parks, no clue who to credit but it’s not my picture.)

We kept our expectations ultra-low with this park. Six Flags in general is meh – when thoosies say “We had a Six Flags day,” it’s not generally a good thing. Most of the locations lack soul, just tons of ugly asphalt, no heart, massive and unruly lines, employees putting in minimal effort. The DC Comics IP gets really old. Some have outstanding coasters though. This one….well, lol.

My second impression was that the entrance was beautiful! Minus the guy who saddled up as soon as I took this picture, lol.

Before I get into the rides, I want to say that yes, it was unbearably hot on this day too. Like, I was sweating through my shirt an embarrassing amount before we even rode the first ride. However, this did seem to keep the crowds at bay so literally everything we rode was either a complete walk-on or a station wait. We actually spent more time walking through through the empty queues to the station than actually waiting to get on any coaster in the park that day. That being said, this played a HUGE ROLE in my overall thoughts of the day. Because in the end, this day was so memorable to me in the best way and it could have been completely opposite if we were there on a mild-weathered day with huge crowds. Give me the humidity over long lines any day!!

We started off with American Thunder – a woodie that again, I had low expectations for. We got right into the back row while Henry took the front seat and thought he was so cool for that too.

YO this was surprisingly good! Not too rough at all. I saw someone call it “glass smooth” and I would certainly not take it that far but it was definitely enjoyable and I would also say re-rideable too. Jumping ahead here, but we should have just re-ridden it immediately because all of the other coasters in the park got progressively worse and by the end, no one was physically stoked to ride ANYTHING twice, lol!

On the exit path, some girl in bright pink shorts was apparently desperate to get past me but I didn’t notice her until Chooch physically moved me over. She ran past me so fast that I barely registered her. In every park, there is always that one person/group that pops up over and over again and this time, it was Pink Shorts. We saw her cutting the line for the next ride….

I was most excited for Mr Freeze!! It’s kind of iconic because it has a backward launch! There is a Six Flags in Texas that also has one, but they switched it so that the launch is now forward and there have been rumors of this happening to this one too. So, I felt a certain type of urgency to get on this before that happens.

Here’s a POV:

I LOVED this but shoooooo, this took it out of me, pals.

“Did you hear me screaming??” I asked Henry as we exited.

“That’s a stupid question,” he muttered.

I was sopping with sweat at this point, and cold sweat to boot thanks to the fear that Mr Freeze instilled in me. Launches always get me!!

Chooch and I rode a wild mouse-type coaster after this but Henry was like “I’M GOOD” and sat on a bench. He didn’t even take a picture of us though!?

I had no opinion on that coaster – it was hot. It spun. It dropped us back off in the station. I peeled my moist thighs off the seat. The end.

I wanted to take our #carouselfie immediately after this before my hair got too wet (at one point it looked like I had come from the water park, you guys. It was really that bad) but Chooch got side-tracked by Bugs Bunny and then we missed the carousel line cut-off and had to wait for an entire rotation which is actually kind of annoying – who the fuck has time to wait in line for the carousel?? Had to get the shot though.

That sheer kimono thing came in clutch to hide all of my absolutely savage sweat stains.

Interestingly, the carousel was playing some bizarre fight sequence, assuming it was to make us feel like we were in some type of battle? It was jarring! The revolution before ours had regular calliope music playing!

In his dreams, he’s The Boss.

Well guys, this was A W F U L lol. Like, so bad that it was actually a HIGHLIGHT for me because of how fucking hilarious it was. I mean, ALL of us were OOFing and UGHing our way through this nightmarescape and it was a long ass ride too. Now we knew going into this that it was going to be bad – it’s infamous for being rough and shitty. The majority of thoosies have strong opinions on how much they hate it, but there are a small handful of The Boss Apologists out there. I honestly thought that while it was rough, chaotic, potentially hazardous even??, it was also memorable for being these things. It was an EXPERIENCE. Like getting a bad tattoo.

We have ridden less rough coasters that we hated and will never ride again but also have no lasting memory of. This actually felt bonding, like a simulated car crash that we experienced together as a family and survived and can now laugh about it. Does this make sense?? Did The Boss knock some of the remaining sense out of me?? All I can tell you is that while I had immediate bruises forming on my person, I was also laughing so hard that my ribs were hurting (OK, the jackhammering contributed to some of that pain). Honestly though, even Chooch was wheezing. This ride was SO BAD that it was good?? But would I ever ride it again? OK, definitely not that same day but I think I probably would if we ever went back.

Yeah, I said it. Does that make me a Boss Apologist too? Maybe. I’m OK with that.

FUCK why didn’t I buy a Boss shirt?!

(I just said this out loud while Chooch is in the kitchen and he said, “Wow, why are you so obsessed with the Boss?” I mean….)

Apparently, there used to be a helix near the end that was removed – I would have loved to have experienced that!

After that, Chooch and I rode some kids’ coaster which was the only time we had to wait in line. (There was a guy behind me wearing pants and a coat and that is the only thing I remember about this – being so repulsed at his outerwear choices on this sweltering day). That coaster was fine, bland and not memorable though. Then Chooch got to spin some wheel for children, landed on Osage and won a small plastic neon pink horse. We were like “Osage, whatever that means” and then it came up numerous times throughout our Missouri portion of the trip and now we know that Osage is a Native American tribe – knowledge! SEE?? ROAD TRIPS ARE EDUCATIONAL. It helps when you’re stupid and have lots to learn anyway.

I admitted that I didn’t think this Boomerang was the worst one I’ve ridden and Chooch was appalled by this. “REALLY? Because I was thinking it was definitely the worst one I’ve ridden.”

(Also I need to quit using this particular Hipstamatic filter on pictures that feature people because it makes us look like we have skin diseases.)

We still had THREE MORE shitty coasters left:

• another wooden one (Screamin’ Eagle) which was the last one Henry did for the day because that one was also terrible and from here on out, he sent Chooch and me to ride the wooden ones first so we could report back. He just told me last night that he pretty much had a headache for days after riding the Boss lol.
• a fucking Vekoma SLC called Ninja that had a pretty cool entrance – I was going to take a picture of it afterward but the headbanging knocked that thought of my head so I forgot all about it. Here’s someone else’s picture because I also just realized that the Boomerang was the last picture I took anyway lol:

(THIS IS NOT WORTH THE WAIT, NOT EVEN A LITTLE – luckily it was a walk-on for us)

• And last but not least, of course this location has a Batman clone. No notes on that.

All in all, it took us about three hours to get park completion (just the coasters). The longest we waited for anything was the kids coaster – about 10 minutes. I didn’t HATE this park. In fact, I thought it had some charm and in a really masochistic twist, I would actually kind of like to get a night ride on the Boss someday!? Am I crazy? Maybe in the fall so I can wear a padded coat.

Anyway, we opted to cut out of here early and start our drive to Branson so that we could be refreshed for a day at Silver Dollar City on Monday!

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