If you’ve been following along, you know that on the eve of my 46th birthday, Henry has the audacity to book us a room in a subpar “hotel,” and I KIND OF THREW A FIT after a truck driver sleazed past me by the elevators and grumbled, “Welcome to the shit hole” and then I caught a weird Child of Deliverance sighting while hearing ominous thumping from the floor above our room. Big nope. We ended up going down the street some (after I pulled the customary I JUST WANT TO GO HOME bit) and getting a really nice and quiet room in a reputable Home 2 by Hilton. (Henry is a goddamn Hilton Rewards member and never does anything with it!!)

All of this is to say that I woke up refreshed and actually not miserable that it was my birthday – it helped that some of my friends (Alyson and Jeannie!) texted me bright and early so that was a really nice thing to wake up to. And our complimentary breakfast was actually delicious. There were these flaky spinach and egg pastries that I wish I had eaten more of, honestly. It was a good start to the day, even though it was supposed to rain and we were scrambling to come up with backup plans.

In the end, we still went to Adventureland and just hoped for the best.

Fun fact: this is a sister park to our very own Kennywood. (Technically, Silver Dollar City and Dollywood are too but it feels weird to relate those two big’uns to Kennywood!) I kind of got K-Wood vibes, I guess. A medium-sized park. Some good rides, some forgettable ones. I really liked the ambiance here! I think that in general, Kennywood is the prettier, more unique park but Adventureland had its own charm! And it even has the world’s only underground wooden coaster (allegedly)! It’s called the Underground and I loved it because it was a dark ride but I will agree with Chooch that it was very anti-climactic. The whole time you’re anticipating a drop and then it just….never happens.

Since immediately started his bitching when I insisted on getting on the carousel right away. “SINCE WHEN DO WE DO THIS FIRST THING??” he cried like the bitch that he is. Since I wasn’t sure if we were going to get fucking rained out, OK Lil’ Bitchy?? Also: NO QUESTIONS ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

OMG, dreary sky aside, can I just say how wonderful it was to be ensconced in 70 degree weather??? I had forgotten what it felt like to not have a sheen of sweat on every inch of my skin, hair like cling-wrap against the back of my neck, tongue out like a panting dog.

I was even wearing a windbreaker!!!

LOL yikes, Cassie.

The first coaster we rode was just your typical family spinning wild mouse called Phoenix.

I got this from their website because I really wasn’t taking many pictures of the rides like I usually do – depression or am I growing out of this phase?? Who can be sure. But I will say that everything was practically a walk-on all day and the ride ops were all super nice, starting with the older lady with the undercut at Phoenix!

Their main attraction though is Monster which was similar to Untamed at Canobie, I feel like just bright green and you know, monster-themed! We were in the station and Chooch got mildly admonished by an older lady ride attendant who was giving oncoming riders instructions but he had his back to her and was talking to me. It made me laugh because all throughout school every single teacher had one complaint about him: he talks too much and is disruptive.

Apparently, this applies to roller coaster stations too, lol.

But then she was FAWNING over Henry because when she told him he’d need to take his glasses off, he wordlessly leaned forward and showed her that he had his DORK ALERT eyeglasses strap on and she literally cooed, “OH, THIS MAN IS A COASTER EXPERT! HE’S NOT NEW TO THIS!” or something and it made me want to vomit. God, sit on his lap, take a selfie, and move on with your life.

But yeah! Monster was great! Thoroughly enjoyed that. My only regret is that we weren’t going to be there at night to see the cool light package:

Their wooden coasters were…mid though. There were just two, and one was Tornado. Henry, still smarting from the Boss three days ago, was like, “Nope, I’m good.” So, I made him take our picture.

It’s here that I want to remember a really sweet interaction we had with some kids! We had just walked into the station because there was no line and a train had just returned, so we immediately started walking to the back row. However, there were 4 kids who had just gotten off that train and were going to re-ride since there was no one else in line but me and Chooch. They started to climb into the two rows and then saw us.

One of the older kids asked, “Oh, I’m sorry! Where did you guys want to sit?”

“I mean, we did kind of want the back row,” I admitted sadly because I’m a big baby and it was my birthday.

“OMG take it!” she said in the most friendly and mature manner I have ever witnessed from a kid?! Like, a pre-teen even?? “We literally JUST rode it so we don’t care where we sit!” And just like that, they moved further up and Chooch and I were like, “WHOA.” That never would have happened at, I dunno, Cedar Point example!

Our good samaritans, coaster edition, can be seen in that picture!

Turns out we probably should have just let them keep the back car because OOF. That was a rough ride and I did not enjoy even a second of it.

In order to get to this section, we had to walk by a very monotone employee barely trying to get people to play his games. I loved that guy.

This one was so bad too, lol. Another walk-on. More bruises for the collection. FOR SOME REASON WE STAYED ON FOR A SECOND RIDE?? We moved out of the backseat though – it didn’t help.

OK that coaster was trash too – sorry, Outlaw!!

But I gotta end Part 1 on a high note. Because for some reason, this next coaster I’m about to show was INEXPLICABLY my favorite coaster of the day and maybe even of the whole trip WTF is wrong with me? It’s not even the first time I have ridden one of these and I generally don’t care too much for them. (The ones in Sweden and Finland can fuck right off!!!)

But shoooo – this ride had great and friendly ride ops who continuously let Chooch and I just stay on if no one was waiting (there was never a line – there were times we’d have to get off to let other people on but we’d just get right back in the queue and by that time the next car would be ready). There are two sides – one is wild and one is mild – but the “mild” one seemed way more chaotic and unhinged to us. I probably sustained a bit of brain damage after riding both sides so many times.

Hold on, let me ask Chooch how many times we rode this.

He immediately said 8 with 100% assurance and then I remembered it’s because not only does he count his coaster credits, he has an app where he keeps track of how many times he rides everything.

Henry rode it once and said it gave him a headache, LOL. OK, gramps.

And then I made Henry share some Sam Adams summery beer with so we could get this collectors cup because I was majorly smitten with Adventureland by this point. Dragonslayer 4 LYFE!!!!!!!

More to come in part 2 (mostly pictures, I think).

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