We had such a nice start to Friday! I didn’t want to eat breakfast at the hotel because while we have been to NYC before, we’ve never been to Brooklyn (aside from walking across the Brooklyn Bridge like a bunch of corny tourists about 7 years ago), and in case you didn’t know, Coney Island is basically Brooklyn (I think). So, before going to bed the night before, Henry and I combed Yelp and Google and settled on a cafe called Milk & Honey. We had to take the train there because Henry was all, “I AM NOT DEALING WITH PARKING” but it was a nice ride, + we got to see Luna Park from above!

Also, this is basically  the end of the line so it was EMPTY when we got on. Love that for us. I don’t mind taking public transportation in other cities, and we usually do 75% of the time, but I still get that sick anxiety if we have to board a packed trolley/train/subway/street car. I just feel like we have TOURIST markers above our heads every time, lol.

(OK, that’s in every situation when traveling — we don’t even try to not look like tourists most of the time.)

After about 30 minutes on the train and then another 5 minutes on foot, we made it to Milk & Honey. Since it was a weekday, it wasn’t crowded AT ALL but they did have “reserved” signs on almost every table so that was cool.

I picked this place because they had a few granola/yogurt type things on the online menu and I really really really wanted to start my day off healthily since we were going to be out in the sun, riding puke-inducing rides, and probably not eating the best out there in the wilds of Luna Park.

“Oh….you brought that stupid camera again. Great.”

A Greek yogurt bowl with granola, berry compote, and honey? Yes, please.

STUPID HENRY AND CHOOCH ATE AT THE HOTEL LIKE LITTLE ASSHOLES AND CONVENIENTLY WEREN’T HUNGRY. I was so mad! I picked this place because it had healthy options for me and also full breakfast shit for those two and then all they got was a chocolate chip cookie each plus Henry got a croissant. And they both got froufrou iced lattes.

I got regular coffee because I actually like coffee unlike those two who only like it when it’s buried under almond milk, sugar, syrup and whipped cream or cold foam. Sissies.

So of course they were just sitting there not eating while I was eating more and more slowly because that yogurt was a THICC BOI and started to feel scooping up quicksand with a thimble. I was actually so full halfway through that Henry had to be a hero and finish it for me.

(Probably thinking, “THAT WAS $15 I’M NOT LETTING EVEN ONE SPECK OF HONEY GO TO WASTE.” Actually, I don’t remember exactly what it cost but I do remember thinking that it was reasonable even though later that Henry, after a full early dinner near Times Square, Henry spat, “BREAKFAST WAS ALMOST AS MUCH AS THIS!!” Um, yeah, welcome to Brooklyn latte economics, my guy! That bill was mostly their coffee milkshakes lattes, not my actual food, BUT NICE TRY.)

(We still react to these things like we’re starving artists sometimes, it’s like ingrained in us at this point.)

I mean, it wasn’t the most memorable cafe experience but it wasn’t BAD. I should have got a fucking smoothie though since I had to sit there looking at them listed on a giant chalkboard above our heads, UGH.

I will say though, on the way back a group of teen boys hopped on with a box of donuts and proceeded to tear into it and it looked IMMENSLEY better than what I had for breakfast. It was a true I’LL HAVE WHAT THEY’RE HAVING moment.

From there, we went STARIGHT to Luna Park to get our wristbands. OFC there were only 2 people currently at the ticket booth but then we got out of line because my Apple card declined the purchase while I was trying to buy it online to save some money, because Apple thought I was buying dark web tickets or something I DON’T KNOW. I was panicking because we were NEXT and I didn’t have the confirmation yet so then two women and their 8 respective kids got in front of us while I was finalizing the purchase, and YES we saved some money it this way but it defeats the purpose when you still have to stand in line to get the wristband and now we were behind these two bitch-moms who were soooo granola and annoyingly using shout-voices like no one else was around. Since they were paying separately, it was two of the most frustrating transactions to witness because they both asked the poor ticket girl a laundry list of questions AND THEN COME TO FIND OUT that the one mom and her kids COME THERE “ALL OF THE TIME.”

Like, they LIVE in New York but were asking questions like tourists on an old person bus tour.

“We’re going to see them ALL DAY now,” Chooch mumbled.

Anyway, we finally got wristbanded and it was OFF TO THE RACES. We confirmed that you could come and go as you please, having a wristband doesn’t marry you to the park, so our plan was to knock out as many of the coasters as possible, go into the city for dinner, and then come back for night rides. It was open until midnight and I just really wanted to be there for the night vibes. You know what’s up.

Unfortunately, we got the top level of the wristband package so that idiot bitch Slingshot thing was included, and that ended up being the first thing we did that morning (yes, morning still!) because a lot of the coasters were still testing. Actually, the ticket booth girl told us that two weren’t even supposed to open that day BUT THEN THEY DID. A birthday miracle!

Of course, I needed to ride Cyclone before it got crowded there, so we made our way there next.

This was the best picture Henry the Purse Holder got of us UGH. I should have just taken my phone up to the station with me and put it in the personal item box, because then at least I could have taken pictures while we waited an ungodly amount of time to get on the damn thing and I say ungodly because it was one train ops and not even a full train of people were waiting in the station. Holy shit, the amount of time it took for the people before us to (slowly) unload, (slowly) pick up their personal items, and then wait for the ride operator to (slowly) allow the train to inch its way forward for our group to board, it was insane.

Also, we didn’t know how this worked so we squeezed by the group of kids wearing matching shirts (and then us realizing, “Wait, is this a camp group? Hopefully the only one…” figuring we could just take the back seat. No one else was congregating back there so I didn’t think anything of it until I realized that the train had stopped with the back row blocked. “Are we able to ride in the back?” I asked the girl who looked like she was 15 with our lives in her hands.

“Yes…but we load front to back,” she said, so even though we didn’t have a full train, we were forced to sit in the middle because when they say front to back, they literally mean, “no skipping rows.”

THEN! We had to sit there and wait for more people to come so they could send a full train! Thankfully, there WERE people coming but there is no way to get to the station except to go through a winding queue that’s really not skippable and these people were really on a Sunday stroll, you guys. Chooch and I were so antsy, like PLEASE SEND THE FUCKING TRAIN.

It was actually not that bad considering its age (built in 1927!) but it gave me a HEADACHE. Well, that’s new. Elder age indicator? I was in no hurry to ride this again but very grateful that I got that one ride in at least!

As soon as we arrived back to the station, we quickly realized that the kids on the train with us had a multitude of counterparts roaming the park—ALONG WITH A MIXED BAG OF ADDITIONAL SUMMER CAMPS FROM AROUND THE CITY. School buses dotted the periphery of the park while clumps of same-shirted kids milled about in different-colored droves.

Chooch and I both groaned, “OH GREAT!”

But you guys! Somehow this did not make the place feel crowded AT ALL. And they were all so well-behaved! Their elder-teen chaperones were doing a good job from what I could see. No line-jumping!

I think what I loved a lot about this place is that, being part of NYC, it was a true melting pot of patrons and it just made it feel more vibrant and festive and also? Less room for Karens and their entitled brat-kids who LOVE to cut a line.

Oh you guys, that is THE pet peeve at amusement parks. I fucking hate a line jumper.

That being said, let’s look at pictures of more rides.

The Tickler was probably the longest line we stood in all day which was a given because these rides always have slow output. But even then, it was probably about 25 minutes tops — 24 of those minutes were spent grilling Chooch about his college life, if he misses us, etc.

Thinking of infuriating responses to my questions. Also, he was proud to announce that he gets all of his t-shirts from the local flea market that happens next to his dorm, but he has learned to wait until the very end when they’re given shit away for free, which is how he wound up with whatever sports shirt he was wearing that day.

I saw some guy do this finger thing on one of the cars before us, while posing for a picture. “I’M GOING TO DO THIS FROM NOW ON” I said to Chooch, who mumbled, “Please don’t.”

But guess who kept slipping  up and doing the finger waggle also??

For some reason, Henry never noticed, or he noticed but just didn’t care to ask us why we were doing that.

OMG there are more kiddie coasters there than anything else and there’s no age limit so Chooch and I rode all of them.

For some reason, Henry took 87 pictures of us riding this.

 

I have so many pictures of Grown Chooch riding kiddie coasters at this point that I could probably make a photobook for him.

This one was a little more “thrilling.”

And then this stupid fucking POS. The only other coaster like this we have ridden is in Canada’s Wonderland and I am here to tell you, if you count coaster credits, just skip these ones. Truly. Ride the kiddie coasters. Go out of your way for the +1 SBF Spinner inside some random family fun center. But these volare flying models are actual torture chambers. THEY PUT YOU IN  CAGE FOR GOD’S SAKE. It is very painful, obnoxiously so. I don’t really have any other words–just that after doing two of these now, I am comfortable going the rest of my life never riding another.

Also, the boarding process IS SO INVASIVE. You have to climb up a little ladder thing, put your chin on a chinrest thing, and then the ride attendant has to decide if you’re standing on the right rung of the step ladder thing in order to have the cage close up and literally go between your legs. Of course, I wasn’t up high enough but I kept skipping a step and going up too high and she was like, “No, there’s another step, you went over it” but I couldn’t look down to see what I was doing because my chin was already jammed down against that fucking rest and meanwhile Chooch was next to me muttering that I was embarrassing him.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s a lot of labor and public humiliation just to willingly put yourself through a car crash simulation.

^^^ Here’s my face when the dissociative amnesia from Canada’s Wonderland started to wear off just enough for me to realize I made a big mistake.

Then when it flipped us upside down the first time, IT WAS ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW in the key of Celine Dion.

Chooch: “It’s not THAT bad.”

LOL OK! You know what, I take it back—I want everyone reading this to RUN DON’T WALK to your nearest volare model and then let me know what you think after riding it once.

Chooch’s dumbass shirt matched the stupid flying coaster.

Then we rode this idiot bitch ride which took forever to get on even though there were only 4 people in front of us because it’s such low capacity. Also, the maintenance man was called over right before Chooch and I got on because god only knows why, maybe it’s best that I didn’t know, and then he PERSONALLY checked our restraints and then was DOING SOME MECHANICAL BEHIND ME. I made eye contact with Henry who shook his head and mouthed, “You’re fine” except his lips mimed the “your” spelling of it, and I was like, “Oh OK, since Henry went to death trap carnival ride mechanic school online and therefor knows precisely what this man is doing back there, I trust Henry’s judgment and will proceed to ride this in good faith.”

I used this random Hipstamatic filter because I have it and never use it so why not now. Why not.

Oh yeah, also whatever what was going on, they could only load two people on each side instead of 4, so that was not concerning at all.

There was group of some of the camp kids who got in line behind us—they were the same ones we rode Cyclone with. They were stoked to ride this thing but then their chaperone came over and yelled, “WE ONLY HAVE 30 MINUTES LEFT.  DO YOU WANT TO JOIN THE REST OF YOUR FRIENDS AND DO SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN ALL TOGETHER, OR DO YOU WANT TO BE

SELFISH

AND SPEND THAT TIME WAITING TO RIDE THIS?!”

They sadly got out of line and joined her and some kids from the group who weren’t even doing anything!? Like, none of them seemed in a hurry to find something to ride.

“I fucking hate her,” Chooch muttered in his calm and collected serial killer tone.

Then the one ride operator was like, “LET’S MAKE A DEAL” or something and basically said if they wanted to ride it, [insert indecipherable bargain] which I think was something about he would run it on a shortened circuit. Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s what was happening because we got to go around like 3 times and then suddenly it was over. I mean, not that I wanted to ride this any longer but it still was irritating that this affected us so I think we should have been a part of that discussion???

J/K it was nice that he did that for those kids.

I guess.

Even if it was during a mysterious maintenance issue.

Oh P.S. this was called “Zenobio” whatever that means.

UGH NOT PICTURED IS US RIDING TONY’S EXPRESS WHOEVER TONY IS!

This was like, my favorite coaster there too because it reminded me of the one in Tivoli Gardens that I screamed JANNA! the whole way through while all the Danes were like, “WTF IS A JANNA.”

Here’s a picture from the website. Curiously, Henry claims that he couldn’t take a picture of us on this because he couldn’t “see” us, and that there was “nowhere to stand to get a picture” but THIS PHOTO PROVES OTHERWISE. He probably fell asleep next to a garbage can or something!

Whatever, it was my favorite coaster there. Chooch thought it was “alright.”

Our last ride of the first session at Luna Park was this actually so much fun shoot-the-chute water ride called Leti’s Treasure that got us unbelievably soaked!

Ugh, you can see the track for Tony’s Express on the left :(

Chooch was so uncomfortable after this that we had to go inside the nearby Brooklyn Beach Shop where he bought new shorts and then proceeded to gush over how comfortable they were for the rest of the day. Literally he was so obsessed to the point where I suggested he go back and get another pair but then it was me who was being ridiculous.

It’s only a good idea when it’s his idea.

It was cool because that brand was doing a collab with Nathan’s so there was a lot of cute hot dog merch there. Also much better Luna Park merch than the actual Luna Park gift shop so I got some magnets and postcards. (Yes, I was a postcard psycho on this trip too. “WE HAVE TO FIND A MAILBOX!”)

As we left the park, there was this food stand with a good variety of Mexican refreshments. Chooch was sad because they didn’t have hibiscus thing that was on the menu and that his host family made every day when he was studying abroad in Mexico. So he opted for the chia lemonade, I got the horchata de fresa and Henry got plain horchata. We all liked it but Henry and Chooch the Economics Podcasters were laying out the cost of all of the ingredients compared to what they were charging per cup. That meant…absolutely nothing to me as someone who not only does NOT go grocery shopping (she says a day after writing on this blog about going grocery shopping with Henry) but also does not understand the value of a dollar. I’m the person who will interrupt to ask, “Oh, so is that a lot then? Or is it cheap?” typically followed by an awkward silence. Usually now I will just check for social cues and make throat sounds similar to everyone else.

We hung out in the hotel room for about an hour so we could charge our phones (and Henry of course immediately fell asleep) before heading back out to Times Square. (I don’t think I knew that Henry picked Times Square as the destination. “IT WAS JUST TO GET US INTO THE CITY AND THEN GO FROM THERE!” he cried, but like, I would have chosen somewhere better—IT’S FINE! WE HAD A GOOD TIME.) Um, getting there alone was probably the most….experience….we had the entire weekend. Yeah. “Experience” is all I can say about that. So, check back for that story lol.

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