I am sure I have written about this at some point but I thought it would be worth repeating before getting into the meat of the BIGBANG concert to give more context to what this meant to me. It’s so much more than just their music.

OK, PICTURE ME CRACKING MY KNUCKLES HERE REAL QUICK.

So, in 2015 I started accidentally doing Kpop cardio workouts, having no idea what it was, just that I was having so much fun. I liked the music but it was also the aerobic rendition of the dance moves and the instructors that kept me coming back. I wasn’t actively looking up the music videos or anything. This was STRICTLY AEROBIC.

Then, in early 2016, we had a ton of trauma involving my aunt Sharon and my grandparent’s house. She had basically become incapacitated and after years of not allowing anyone in the house, my brother and mom had to break in after she wasn’t responding to them. Long story short, she had been HEAVY HOARDING, ended up in the hospital and went from bad to worse to gone in the span of a several months. We also found out that the house was no longer in the family and belonged to the bank. Months and months of cleaning out the house (and it’s…not a small house) and trying to salvage what we could, plus a fallout with my brother and TONS of repressed grief flooding back sent me on a scary spiral. I was so depressed and stressed that even people at work were like, “No offense but you look really…tired.” I had TONS of gray hair sprouting out left and right on top of it all plus I had all but completely stopped doing my Kpop workouts and stress eating.

By the end of 2016, I thought maybe it would help to have a Xmas party. I was making a playlist for it and Henry was like, “JESUS CHRIST, what kind of a playlist is this!? It sounds like funeral music!” because I was purposely filling it with goth music and sad boy emo. To be a shit, I said, “FINE, I’LL ADD SOME KPOP THEN!” and threw on some stuff that I recognized from my workouts.

This essentially had me revisiting those workouts and then becoming mildly parasocial obsessed with this one girl—Jellybeannose. She made a few routines that I genuinely liked but admittedly most of her videos were too advanced for me because they weren’t the aerobicly watered down versions of choreo but the ACTUAL choreography from various Kpop videos. It turned out she used to go to various Kpop conventions and MC this thing called “random dance” where they play 20 – 30 seconds of popular Kpop songs and if you know the dance, you run out into the middle floor and do it. At some point she had won a dance competition or something which had her going to KOREA. Now look, I still at this point was not into Korea at all, knew nothing about it, had still never even watched a Kpop video. I was just ALL ABOUT THE FITNESS. So, now she’s in Korea and posting these vlogs on YouTube and I’m sitting here like, wow, I have never really paid attention to Korea before outside of horror movies….

At some point that December, she had a video where her and two friends were so excited because a new BIGBANG video had come out, so they filmed themselves reacting to it. Now, this was 2016, so unlike reaction videos today, you couldn’t see what they were watching, the camera was just showing them. And they were POPPIN’ OFF over this video. Rolling on the floor screaming about G-Dragon, who had what hair color. So after this, I said to probably just my cats, “Well, now I have to watch this video and see for myself.”

The song in question:

When I say I was hooked…

I don’t know where Henry was at the time but I distinctly remember him coming home (probably from THE STORE) and screaming at him, “YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS, I’M OBSESSED.”

And from there it was, “I wonder which one is G-Dragon?”

And then, “I wonder what’s so great about G-Dragon…..oh. I get it now.”

And then, “I will never learn their names.”

And then, “Daesung was my first bias but now I love G-Dragon and his Korean name is Kwon Jiyong.”

It didn’t take long for Henry and Chooch to get on board. Soon we were watching variety shows that BIGBANG had appeared on, like Running Man and Knowing Bros. And then Henry’s looking up flights to Korea “just to see.”

But the thing is, I was at rock bottom in 2016. Maybe I was having suicidal ideations. I felt lost. Angry. (Remember this was 2016, and that shitty election had just happened.) Sad. Traumatized.

Then this shiny group of Korean guys with pastel hair came into my life and opened up a whole new world to me, literally. I became so interested in Korean culture SO QUICKLY and felt this odd sense of comfort and familiarity which is crazy because I obviously had never been to Korea before and I had never even considered going there. But the language did some kind of magical massage on my brain (and heart) and suddenly I was a new person, with a new lifestyle and interests. I was so excited to come home from work every day, eat Korean food and watch K-dramas after doing K-cardio. I had 10 years worth of BIGBANG backlog to dive into on YouTube. Music shows. Award shows. Variety shows.

Maybe saying “BIGBANG saved my life” comes off as super melodramatic and eye-rolly, but at the very least, they CHANGED my life. I never want to go back to how I was prior to this.

Of course, right after I started “stanning” them (another thing I quickly learned about then!) I also learned about Korea’s mandatory military requirement and how Kpop idols aren’t exempt. And just my luck, one of the BIGBANG members was set to enlist early in 2017, so soon after I got into them.

From there, it’s been scandals and heartbreak galore, to the point where it seemed like BIGBANG was never getting back together. I would never get to see them. VIPs (their fandom name) were depressed but refused to give up. We kept holding on, even when BTS’s shitty and toxic fans tried to create more scandals and rumors, cyber bullied VIPs, etc. while their stupid  group rose up and took BIGBANG’s top spot during their hiatus.

It’s been a long and depressing 10 years, and to be honest, after awhile I couldn’t even listen to their music anymore because it hurt so much.

One of the members was involved in a scandal so big that actual documentaries were made about it (one of Chooch’s friends watched it and texted him like, “Hey isn’t G-Dragon that guy your mom likes?” and I was so excited that he was asking Chooch and Chooch goes, “Yeah but it’s because he watched something about the Burning Sun scandal.” UGH.) and another member literally had to go on military trial for MARIJUANA ACCUSATIONS and ended up in the hospital in a coma after overdosing because of the fucking stress of it all. Thank god he survived, but he left the entertainment industry after that, and only just recently came back (he was in season 2 of Squid Game!) and just put out a solo album too! Unfortunately, he officially left BIGBANG.

Last summer, G-Dragon did his solo tour and teased a BIGBANG reunion because this year is their 20th anniversary. We already knew that he is still very good friends with two other members—Daesung and Taeyang—but he kept dropping these little hints that it was going to be 4 of them. So, we all really thought he was going to get T.O.P. to come back.

But, it didn’t happen. And you know, I think most of us normal fans are at peace with that now. T.O.P. is thriving on his own and we’re happy about that, and BIGBANG is back as a trio and while that was hard to accept at first, it’s actually really awesome seeing them so happy together.

They made their official debut as a trio at one of the end of the year Korean awards shows when Daesung and Taeyang came out to perform Home Sweet Home with G-Dragon, a song on his solo album that features them. Then they also did two old BIGBANG songs together and it was UNREAL. The younger idols in the audience were freaking out so hard!

Anyway, when BIGBANG announced their world tour a few mths ago, I was so excited but also super emotional about it because HOLY SHIT WAS I FINALLY GOING TO GET TO SEE BIGBANG?! Even if it was just three of them, BEGGARS CAN’T BE CHOOSERS!

All of this should help you understand why I was legit SICK TO MY STOMACH on the drive to New Jersey Friday morning. Literally, I almost three up. Sure, maybe some of that was because I drank too. much coffee in a very short time frame, but I think nerves and crazy heightened emotions had a lot to do with it.

This was more than “Oh look, Erin is being fucking sappy about music again.” This was something that felt so unbelievable to me, something that I had resigned myself to accept was never going to happen. I was grateful that I had gotten to see G-Dragon and Taeyang solo, but hearing BIGBANG songs performed live was not in the cards.

Literally the whole drive there, I kept thinking, “This isn’t real, this isn’t real.” And yet….

*************

After a light lunch at some place called Third Wave Cafe (I had an acai bowl and who cares what Henry had, I was too busy ignoring the loud college baseball players next to us and watching the women’s doubles US Open finals) we were able to check in to our hotel, get ready, and then immediately go to MetLife Stadium a bit after 3PM. Henry had prepaid for parking and they said the lot was opening at 3:30, but it was already opened when we got there, AND there was already a huge line for early merch which was was the whole reason why we got there early. WTF MetLife.

But first! On our way through the parking lot to the merch line, WE HEARD DAESUNG SOUNDCHECKING ONE OF HIS SOLO SONGS – UNIVERSE! I started crying IMMEDIATELY. My first time hearing Daesung’s voice in real life?!

I’m going to keep this next part short and sweet but early merch wasn’t supposed to start until 3:30 but apparently opened early so by the time we got in line around 3:15 it was already outrageously long (though—it didn’t LOOK that long) and the line was cut off shortly after we got into it.

It ended up being THREE HOURS in that line, under a cloudless sky, the sun beating us while we were down. There was not one happy person in that line after the first hour passed, ESPECIALLY the girl right behind us who was basically standing on our backs she was so up in our space!

After hour two, Henry finally got out of line to fetch waters for us because I was legitimately starting to sway and my mouth was so gummy. Then some asshole MetLife white male yelled at him for trying to get back into line when EVERYONE was doing it. YOU CANNOT FUCKING DENY US WATER, YOU DUMB FUCK. So Henry went to the other side of the line and got back in that way. It wasn’t cutting! We were letting people back in the whole time because groups of people were sending one person out to get food and drinks. No one was being nefarious about it.

Long story short, nearly everything was sold out by the time it was our turn, but I got a shirt and Henry got the hat we wanted and we would never stand in line for that long for ANYONE ELSE. And trust me, you should have seen the merch lines inside so it was either get it out of the way with plenty of time to spare before the show started or wait for doors to open and risk missing part of the concert.

It was annoying but I don’t blame BIGBANG. This was equal parts the stadium and YG. Like, know the demand! Nothing should be selling out. Kpop fans in general are coming with $$$ to spend. We are prepared. I was ready to drop a ton on merch but in the end I had to buy some of the things I wanted online, so whatever. It is what it is! At the end of the day, I was still seeing BIGBANG so who cares if I couldn’t get the super amazing cool beautiful BIGBANG canvas jacket that I had my eye on. :/

Seeing the same people for three hours like cattle in a corral was wild. And yet we talked to no one somehow. Although this one girl was talking about G-Dragon’s dog and I was SO TEMPTED to whip out my phone and show her the picture I have of him when I was staying at G-Dragon’s pension in 2019, LOL. Henry was side-eying me because he really thought I was going to lose control and do it because she was really annoying but in the end I didn’t want to look like an asshole. (I am an asshole though.)

Finally out of the merch line! The gates had been opened for an hour by then so we had no problem getting right in, no line.

“Henry take a picture of me in front of the BIGBANG sign.”

Henry takes picture and doesn’t even say, “hey you can’t see the whole sign move over.” I REALLY want to keep bringing him to concerts because he’s my merch holder but I need someone else to come who can actually take a picture like a normal person with thumbs. I don’t understand what his issue is.

I made him take another one obviously!!

We got to our seats around 7PM, an hour before it was starting. I was so excited!! Actually being in our seats was helping me calm down.

Oh also, at one point when we were in the merch line from hell, Henry said all whinily, “Why didn’t you get VIP? Did you have the option to?”

Are you kidding me? This man is now begging for VIP tickets after frowning in the past about the cost of them!?

“I don’t know I was trying to not go in debt like I was last year with the G-Dragon tickets?!” Jesus Christ, Henry. YOU go through the Ticketmaster presale turmoil next time!!

You guys. This is me waiting to see BIGBANG IN THE FLESH. NOT ON YOUTUBE.

Henry failing to take a cute picture of me again but I kept this because I liked my hair (shout out Gemma at Bella Salon—KARA IF YOU ARE READING THIS I THINK SHE IS THE ONE WHO DID YOUR HAIR FOR YOUR WEDDING???).

And now perhaps some Charmera snaps??

Henry still hasn’t recovered from the merch line, LOL. It’s amazing how tiring just STANDING for three hours can really make you. I haven’t even stood in line for a roller coaster for three hours. Not even airport lines. BIGBANG, you really are something.

Their new 20th anniversary light stick was sold out at our merch booth and apparently most of the inside ones too but luckily I had my old BIGBANG bang bong. I brought my G-Dragon daisy bong for Henry to use too lol. (He actually held it through the whole concert but wouldn’t wave it.)

I was being so fucking annoying and I don’t care. I needed pictures of myself to document this monumental moment in my life. OMFG I SAW BIGBANG!!!!!!?!@@><

This was still a bit before it started but it was sold out. Usually they will say it’s sold out and then you look on Ticketmaster and there are still a ton of TicketMaster Platinum and resell tickets but this time there were just a small handful of resells and they ranged from $1500 to $5000. Fuck you.

So yeah, the number I saw was something over 50,000. That many VIPs all in one stadium, it felt like a homecoming. And what I loved about it was that it was an older crowd and almost seemed split 50/50 men and women. In fact, there were two guys next to Henry, lightsticks and all! I only mention this because I think Kpop in general has a reputation for being something that mostly only girls like but just like G-Dragon’s concerts, there were tons of men shamelessly wearing BIGBANG shirts and hats and waving their lightsticks. The man on the other side of me had a special edition BIGBANG Japan lightstick! I was so jealous!

There was a girl in front of us who turned around and smiled at us when we bumbled to our seats (Henry the oaf nearly trampled two girls in our row) so when Henry went to look for a lightstick (he failed that mission but came back with beer), she turned around and started chatting with me. WONDERFUL PERSON! And I know I called her a girl here but she was actually 45 years old and looked like she was in her 20s! Her name is Marina and she came there that morning from DC on Amtrak. She was actually born in France though and spent a lot of her childhood in Morocco because of her dad’s job so she knows Arabic too. This came up when she asked me if I knew Korean and my response was, “Yeah, in my head,” lol.

I didn’t get a picture of her because then Henry came back and killed the vibe, but here’s the back of her!

I’m sad that we didn’t exchange socials because she was super sweet, but she left right before the encore.

I can’t stress enough how magical it was to be under the same….sky? as so many VIPs. I know most of us have really been going through it because being a BIGBANG fan has not been easy these last 10 years. In fact, I remember standing in line for the Kang Daniel concert in Toronto, chatting with the person in front of me. When she asked me who my favorite group was and I said, “BIGBANG,” she gave me the most sympathetic purse of her lip and said, “I’m so sorry.” Thank you? LOL.

This was so healing and cathartic for a lot of us. I know it. CONCERT DETAILS FORTHCOMING!!!!!! IT WILL BE ANNOYING!

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