Michele ruined my life today. She emailed several of us at work an article about how the TROLLEY IS SHUTTING DOWN FOR 6 MTHS.

SIX MOTHERFUCKING MONTHS. 

THAT IS A LOT OF MONTHS. 

In case you didn’t already know, here are some important facts:

• The trolley is how I get to work basically every single day now that Henry’s job sucks and he hasn’t been able to drive me.
• It’s way more stressful now that I don’t work late shift every day and have to deal with the morning rush hour crowds. 
• It took me like 3 years to come to terms with commuting to work.
• I have major anxiety when my routine is changed. 
• Horrible things happen to me a lot just on my walk to the trolley alone, such as ISSUES WITH CROSSING THE STREET and strangers wanting to talk, and then my day is ruined. You can ask Henry because sometimes he’s on the phone with me and witnesses the horrors! (Don’t let him tell you I embellish.) Sometimes I get splashed with water! One time I fell into a hole!
• I’m a little bit neurotic. 

My first reaction was, “I have to quit my job.”

But then Todd verbalized some nonsense about TAKING THE BUS.

I whipped around in my chair and co-opted Henry’s method of laughing without mirth. 

“Todd,” I said firmly once I stopped stuttering from all The Shock of the news. “I can NOT take a bus.” And then I had to tell him the now-legendary* tale of when I was 18 and met some boy at the mall (actually we met over the phone when I was a telemarketer for Olan Mills, lol) who then invited me back to his apartment on the Southside but we had to take the bus, he said, and I was all agreeable with adventure in my eyes.

Until it was 3am and I didn’t know how to get home so my mom had to come and pick me up. 

*(Not legendary.)

I never took a bus again. I don’t understand the numbers and the letters and the routes. With the trolley, I have two choices: red or blue. And it’s a straight shot to where I need to go. No transfers or any such nonsense. 

My only other brush with the bus was when I was a sophomore in high school and decided I wanted to join a gang, because that’s what all rich white girls do to act out: engage in back alley knife fights and terrorize the neighborhood shop owners. (But probably mostly just serve as a penis coozy for the “real” gang members.)

I had a friend named Jeremiah who lived in The City and he said he could get me into a gang, but I would have to TAKE A BUS from my comfortable suburban sprawl because none of my friends were interested in driving me to the hood to get gang-initiated. 

“And that’s how I almost joined a gang,” I somberly wrapped up my deeply personal story. 

“Wow,” Todd said with faux-amazement. “Your life could have been so different.”

“I know right?! I’d probably have a face tattoo by now, at least,” I mused, picturing all the battle scars etched into my body like a gritty street war constellation. 

“Just make a bus friend,” Todd offered as a flimsy solution. 

Todd, I don’t MAKE FRIENDS. I break them. (….?)

I’m glad that I have two months to fucking LOSE MY MIND over this before it actually happens. I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m still leaning heavily toward quitting my job. 

It’s Wednesday. There was a 2-hour delay because I guess it’s very cold out or something. (Yesterday was very cold too but when I checked the weather before leaving the house, 20 degrees somehow seemed like it would be “warm” so I wore a lightweight jacket and no gloves. I’m killing this adult game.)

I spent all morning designing new Valentines for non compos with intermittent KpopX mental health breaks. It is literally the only thing keeping me stable, thank you KpopX. My current favorite song/routine is 2Eye’s “Pippi” and did you know that if my birth dad hadn’t died and my mom hadn’t remarried, my last name would be Pippi? Seriously, shoot me. I would have said yes to one of those other pre-Henry dudes who actually asked me to marry them. (What were they thinking?)

Here is Chooch’s expression from when I made him watch the Pippi video this morning:

I’d like to add that a few minutes later, I was upstairs putting MY FACE ON, when I heard him in the living room absentmindedly humming 2eye’s masterpiece. Yeah, that’s what’s up.

I made Henry watch an acoustic rendition of “PIPPI” last night and his expression was pretty similar, except his eyes were more glazed.

(Don’t worry, everything else I listen to is depressing as fuck so I’m no less emo.)

***

Last week, Glenn happily sent me an article about “South Korea resuming propaganda broadcasts hated by North” because it mentions Kpop, but not only that, it gives a shout-out to one of my favorite KpopX routine songs!!

So, between KpopX and making new Valentine cards, I’m keeping busy. Gayle tried to force me to borrow a book from her and I was like, “NICE TRY GAYLE BUT I AM IN NO PLACE TO READ A BOOK RIGHT NOW.”

Also, I feel like I’m getting sick. I AM SLOWLY BREAKING, HELP. EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE. #SOS #911 #187

I’m having a bad day. Not anything major, but the stupid trolley made me late for work this morning and my nearly 6 year streak of arriving to my job in a timely fashion is BROKEN. I texted Amber2 to let her know I was going to be late and Glenn was practically doing a jig with a bucket of confetti. He’s been waiting for this day for years and told me that he considered sending an email to the whole department to inform them I was going to be late. I WOULD HAVE DIED. Oh my god, just no. I feel so much anxiety all these hours later, just thinking about that horrific email.

Look, I was only four minutes late and Henry said it shouldn’t count since it wasn’t my fault but fuck, there was no retrieving my day from the commode after that shitty flush.  Today was fraught with a series of mistakes, pretty much everything I touched, I promptly fucked up. It honestly was like it was my first day on the job.  So because I have no idea where my head is*, and I don’t want to accidentally start typing my social security number or my secret Hare Krishna amputee milkmaid erotica, here are some dumb photos I’ve been collecting this month on my phone. I’m lucky I can even handle that right now.

*(Evidently, it’s still on the stupid trolley.)

Listen. I follow a ton of succulent accounts on Instagram because my life is that fucking vanilla now. One of them is having some idiotic giveaway which requires a person to post a picture of their succulents and I’m a sucker who wants to win a succulent or eight (SERIOUSLY, EIGHT SUCCULENTS ARE IN THE POT), so of course I entered.

I like clowns, just in case you forgot. Send them all to me. I need cheered up.

A thing I painted with my fingers on a day when I was stupid mad. Fuck painting. AND FUCK FINGERS, TOO.

A LAMP I SCORED AT GOODWILL. Henry is not as excited about it as I am. There aren’t many things that get Henry excited. This lamp would have to make a cameo in the middle of a 1980s orgy on VHS for Henry to give a fuck. Find something to get stoked on, Henry. Please. You’re bringing me down.

Our bedroom is a fucking war zone right now because we’re painting (“we’re” LOLOLOL all the way home) and basically rearranging everything, but peep Chooch’s badass onesie.

I almost have Henry sold on painting our bedroom doors gold glitter.

I’m so excited to add Bled Fest to the painting I made stupid Henry last year for Valentine’s Day, IF HE KEEPS HIS IDIOT XMAS PROMISE TO ME, THAT IS. When I get something in my head, it is ALL-CONSUMING. I honestly dream about this and watch YouTube videos from the past Bled Fests like, every day. I could probably stand to get some therapy. SOME MUSIC THERAPY. OHHHHH! #bledfestorbust

And here I am, infiltrating Chooch’s man cave.

Chooch & his golden curls are going to the store with Henry.

A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on Jan 6, 2016 at 4:42pm PST

The end.

P.S. Seriously. Send me clowns in the mail. Address available upon request. I will send you something back!

One of the first, if not the first, music videos I ever saw was for David Bowie’s “Let’s Dance.” My dad was really into recording (see also: taping) Friday Night Videos back in the early 80s, pre-MTV.

I still have one of his VHS tapes of homemade music video compilations; it’s labeled with a piece of masking tape and I refuse to pitch it.

“Let’s Dance” is on there.

Even as a super young kid, when I saw this video, I knew this guy was cool as fuck.

And then obviously “Labyrinth” happened. I watched that movie for the first time in third grade, at my friend Elisabeth Holtz’s house, sitting on the floor making shitty beaded jewelry and thinking, “I would not mind one bit if David Bowie kidnapped my little brother.” Legend.

In high school, I “borrowed” one of my dad’s Bowie CDs because I wanted to put “Changes” on a mix tape I was making, and then I conveniently “forgot” to put it back. That ignited a nice little fight. My dad and I were almost constantly feuding during my teen years so it was no big thing to me at all, but looking back on it now, it was pretty ironic that he was the one who introduced me to David Bowie and then there we were all those years later, fighting because of him.

I ended up just going out and buying my own Bowie CDs after that.

(With my mom’s money, haha!)

Waking up to the news of Bowie’s death this morning took my breath away. I woke up Chooch and said, “Something terrible happened…

David Bowie died.” And that’s when I realized I was crying.

Chooch shot up from his bed like Nosferatu from a coffin, and cried, “WHAT?! How!?” I told him it was cancer, and he went on a tear, motherfucking cancer up and down.

“Now there won’t ever be a sequel to ‘Labyrinth’,” he added somberly.

This feels like one of those universal deaths, the kinds that suck so hard and touch people on such a worldwide level, that we all kind of come together for a moment. It’s comforting. Especially when I open Facebook and see people mourning the same loss as me, when I didn’t really think we had much in common. David Bowie is the glittery, otherworldly, sonic thread that connects us. And there will never be another like him.

Thank you, David Bowie.

Today was way less full of mental-lava, but these are things that I hate no matter what mood I’m in.

• Getting calls from the vice-principal. I don’t even answer anymore. I wait until there’s a voicemail, listen to that, and then I text Henry in all capital letters and made him call the school back because NO don’t bother me at work. I know my kid is a fucking menace. Please put me on the do not call list, thanks.
  • This time it was actually Chooch’s buddy that did the bad thing but they both suffered the consequences and had to serve lunch detention, lol. MAYBE NEXT TIME THEY WILL WALK TO SCHOOL LIKE NORMAL HUMANS AND NOT FUCK AROUND NEAR RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC.
• Being a parent to a preteen boy. Can’t wait for it to get worse.
• That one cemetery we drive past every time we go to the craft store. It’s just plain and boring and I hate it. It makes me feel sterile every time we drive past. Fuck off, plain cemetery. Get an obelisk or GTFO.
• Eye doctor. I had to go back yesterday for a contact follow-up. I had a different doctor this time and I liked him a lot better. I told him I was really struggling with my right eye and he looked at my chart and said, “Yeah, I don’t know why a toric lens was only ordered for your left eye. You need one for the right, too.” I KNOW RIGHT!? I have no idea why the other doctor decided that I’m only a one-eyed astigmatism.
• Grilled cheese made with the wrong cheese. Henry ruined my Saturday by putting provolone on my grilled cheese and I refused to eat it all. (I mean, I ate SOME because I was hungry.)
• Wendy’s gross nail. She did something dumb to it and now the nail is all black and coming up and she kept trying to thrust it at me because she knows I hate gross body things like whoa. She even popped out from behind a cabinet door when I was trying to file away Redwells on Friday and I was so angry. Then she went back to her office and texted me a picture of it!? I found out later that GLENN gave her that idea for free.  I’d post the picture but then I’d have to see it again. As if that wasn’t enough, she sent me a video, too. :(
• Lunch lady (Debbie the Bitch) at Chooch’s school who apparently yelled at him for “getting [name withheld] in trouble” when it was actually the other way around?! (Seriously, the vice-principal told us this so I believe it; if it was coming from Chooch, I’d have doubts.) Maybe get a new hairnet, Debbie, because it sounds like yours is too tight.
• Eyelids. They are literally lids for eyes & then I can’t fall asleep because I can’t stop imagining if eyelids were removable like other lids. #lids
• When Henry gets cocky and deviates from recipes and then I’m the only one who suffers. Just follow the recipe…?
• Geocaching. Full post on that later in the week.
• Winter.
• Henry’s inability to paint walls as fast as I need him to.
• The fact that it’s January and Bled Fest and Warped Tour won’t start making announcements until March.
• Not being rich enough to buy every record I want right at this very moment.
• This blog.

Just so I’m not a total killjoy, I’ll end this dumb post with a synthpop masterpiece; every time I hear it, it boosts my mood and makes me desperately want to go roller skating, so maybe next weekend? It’s been like, a year. So add that to the Things I Hate list.

• Not rollerskating enough.

I was just trying to enjoy the beautiful notes of Pentimento wafting from my bedroom speakers when Chooch started watching some hideous Geocaching video in his room and then HENRY started playing something on his phone and I was like ARE YOU FUCKING IDIOTS DEAF TO THE FACT THAT I AM TRYING TO ENJOY MUSIC WHILE I AM CURLING MY HAIR IN THE BATHROOM?!

So I stormed into my bedroom and glared at Henry, all casually lounged out in bed staring at whatever pointless thing was playing on his phone, and started screaming about audacious audio takeovers and he just stared back at me because apparently this is Typical Behavior.

“You’re so bossy,” he had the nerve to say. 

“WELL I WAS HERE FIRST!” I screeched. 

“No actually, I was up here first,” he back-talked. 

“No, I mean, I was HERE first,” I reiterated, swirling my hands around to encompass the whole house. “Since 1999!”

“Oh my god, are you STILL doing that?” Henry sighed in disbelief. 

Uh, yeah. And I will continue to do so until the day we move out.

I FEEL LIKE A VOLCANO ON THE VERGE OF ERUPTING LATELY. I am so frustrated with everything! 

SOMEONE KIDNAP ME. 

OH YEAH AND I HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE EYE DOCTOR TODAY UGH. Everything is awful. 

Hi guys I’m into things. Here are some of those things.

1.Not giving blood. Amber² gave blood today at work and then tried to thrust her vamp-wound in my face and I thought I was going to pass out. Then I made the mistake of telling her, Glenn and Todd that I donated blood ONCE in high school and honestly did pass out. “Someone had to help me walk to the nurse’s room. It was like a big scene,” I said. “Wow, that’s hard to believe,” Todd said and I think he was being sarcastic. Glenn tried to get me to donate blood by saying, “They brought their best leeches.” That was the second time in two days I almost puked at work. The other time was the day before because it was the first day I was wearing my new, non-trial pair of contacts and I had such a headache from my eyes struggling to adjust,  that I had to bury my head in my arms for a few minutes in the afternoon because I really thought I was in for an unfortunate lunch reunion at my desk.

2. KpopX. Yes, I’m still kpopping. I kpopped so fucking hard tonight too, you have no idea, and my goddamn gums are tingling somehow. I kpopped something in my neck the other day so that wasn’t good. Here is my current favorite KpopX routine, because hello, apples:

3. Making a Murderer. Yes, I’m basic. I’m obsessed just like everyone else. I mean, I’m already done watching it but that doesn’t mean I don’t spend every free minute reading Reddit and hounding my co-workers to watch it. (I heard that Lou has watched it but I try not to speak to Lou, so…)

4. The Law Firm Zine. I think I already mentioned this but I’m making a zine for the department at work and I am really pouring my heart into it. For literally no reason whatsover. I have two pages done so far with three more in the works. It’s going to be a real fucking stunner when it’s finished. I CAN’T WAIT TO SHOW EVERYONE.

5. Anticipating the new Basement album. They were on hiatus for some time and now they’re back and I’m excited. Did I say enough? You should watch this video and let the sounds enter you in whichever way you see fit.

6. Making plans to stay alive this winter. New year, same drill: keep busy so the winter depression doesn’t kill me. So far, there are several shows on tap, Corey and I have a pb&j and Mattress Factory trip planned for next month (and Kara too if she’s interested—KARA??), and some lame YouTuber has taught Chooch about geocaching so I’m apparently doing that with him this weekend while Henry hangs back and reupholsters the bar stools with fun fur, because I’ve projects for days, you guys. PROJECTS.FOR.DAYS. (That’s inaccurate. Projects for years.) Last night, I could hear Chooch in his room, cracking the fuck up, so I assumed he was watching one of his idiot YouTubers, but later I found out he was reading the blog post I sent him about the time we went geocaching (LETTERBOXING—I’m a purist; get that GPS jizz out of my face) when he was three. FLATTERED.

Um, other than all of that, I’m just sitting here, making Henry watch music videos with me on YouTube because I’m 16.

I guess that’s all. I’m always the lamest version of myself in January.

Fuck you, January.

  
Remember how sometimes I would ask you guys to submit questions for Henry and then I would force him to answer then, interview-style and he would proceed to not speak to me for several days? That was so much fun! And I want to start doing that again more regularly, maybe like twice a month, but with VIDEOS too. So like, for example, HENRY REVIEWING VARIOUS FAYGO FLAVORS. Like who wouldn’t want to see a closeup of Faygo-drops glistening on his mouth-fur?

I’m just trying to come up with some new shit to plaster on this site for 2016 because I’m getting bored, and if I’m getting bored, you’ve probably done BEEN bored. So, hopefully I will find things to freshen up this stinky dump. 

So anyway, if you have something you would like to see review or if you have some burning desire to know more about his wardrobe of nondescript cotton sheaths, fire away. 

***Henry is 100% not going to be OK with this, but you just let me worry about that. 

Chooch and I decided to be such cool, very West Elm by posting a tour of his room, you know, like all the trendy bloggers do. Haha. So please, step inside the tiny box we generously call “Chooch’s bedroom,” WON’T YOU?

Freak.

A video posted by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin) on Jan 5, 2016 at 4:49pm PST

I am Riley, as you may know as The Internet Kid, because I am beautiful. Here is my room. Yeah. Sure.

This lamp is a lamp that my “ma-ma” got from the attic.

(Ed.note: I got it from some creepy lady at the flea market.)

It’s in the third corner on top of my bookshelf and it’s cree-PEE.

This is me reading a book that I just took out from my bookshelf because “ma-MA” told me to.

This is my tv I got for Christmas. I’m watching Shane Dawson because I like his videos. He swears but…I don’t care. He does challenges and taste tests.

This is me playing the piano because I like piano and…uh. I was playing nothing on it because it wasn’t plugged in.

This is me holding a lightsaber and pointing at my cat pictures made by Chuck Hodi. They all have odd eyes.

Um this is some pictureframe I made when I was in kindergarten. I’m so young and they made me do it and it’s all Catholic. I don’t know what’s Catholic about the hippo. This is a picture

This is a picture of an eyeball and peppermint bush forest. Because I was obsessed with eyeballs when I was a baby.  I got that cat thing at goodwill.

This is Goodnight Mommy, I saw it in September. It’s a horror movie. You might have already read the blog post I wrote about it. So maybe go check it out after this obviously.

As you can see, this is my gallery wall where I have seven pictures. My favorite one is not the demon on the wall (Ed.note that’s what he calls the portrait I did of him lol), but the catstronaut one. It came from Riot Fest 2015 when ma-MA and pa-PA went.

This me doing my beautiful face, as always. Ma-MA likes it, DONT YOU.

THIS IS MY SUCCULENTS! I wanted the cactus because it was fluffy. And I also wanted the other non-sharp cactus because it was cute and it has a cute little flower. (Ed.note: he’s reciting this in the dumbest voice, I hate my life. Lawl j/k I love it.)

Things on a windowsill.

This Is me, my beautiful self, hanging from my ladder with some of my beautiful Never Shout Never gear on.

This is RileCena signing off! Peace out!
Don’t jump in front of trains!

Taking a break from KpopX and Run For Cover YouTube videos to jot down some thoughts using nothing but a keyboard and my fingertips. Shit is so advanced in 2016.

• HUGE NEWS: I finally repotted that stupid spider plant that was dumped on me two years ago at work. I still don’t really like it because SUCCULENTS ONLY, but…I’m trying to be nice to it. So I bought it a stupid hanging planter thing at Ikea and then made Henry hang it for me in my “painter’s nook” and I guess it’s OK. Maybe someday it’ll get a name. Like Burden or Waste of Space.
  • But the upside to this is that now I can buy a succulent to put in Spider Plant’s old pot, which was actually a really pretty coffee cup that Gina and Elissa got me a few years ago for my birthday, but then it chipped so I’ve been using it as a pot ever since.
    • Speaking of the pink wall (wait, we weren’t?) I think I have Henry on board to paint the rest of the bedroom a deep hunter green. He doesn’t seem thrilled but when is he ever. It’s going to be dope.

• My Top 9 Instagram posts, apparently.
• Check out this great clown book my friends Kevin and Lizzy sent me! The inscription is from 1948! I just love it. I love clown stuff so much!

• Last summer when I was visiting Octavia, I had coffee at her house and commented on how much I loved her coffee cups and then for Christmas, she sent me one along with one of her succulents! I seriously cried because it meant so much and I miss her.  I asked her to name him and she chose Baron Stash. <3 #insidejokes4l
• Thinking about making a zine about my department at work. Like old school zine, yo. Glenn’s life is about to get even worse.
  • Yeah, speaking of Glenn, Todd told me last week that before he really knew me, all he knew was that I did all these fucked up things to Glenn and he actually thought I was a bully. He told me this after I giddily told him about how Corey and I constantly try to spread rumors that Janna has a Robitussin problem and he told me that I’m a bully.
    • I think I might be a bully.

• Chris and Monica brought me back the bottom mask from their honeymoon and he has become fast friends with Clown Mask.
• So today I arrived at work at 9 and quickly learned that I was supposed to work late shift today because Amber2 asked to switch with me, but I thought she meant next Monday. “Maybe you need to get a planner,” Wendy sneered, to which I snapped, “I PUT IT IN MY PHONE PLANNER, BUT THAT DOESN’T REALLY MATTER WHEN I HAVE THE DATE WRONG, WENDY.” Ugh! So everyone was like, “Hahaha, good job” and it wouldn’t benefit me to turn around and go home, because I took the stupid trolley today so by the time I got home, I would have to turn around and come right back, ugh. Instead, I sat here for a few minutes and annoyed everyone, and then I decided to try my luck out in the wilderness, i.e. snowy downtown. Chooch took my idiot gloves to school with him this morning because he “couldn’t find his” which means this was the first time this winter he needed to wear gloves and couldn’t be bothered to look for them, so I had to borrow Wendy’s gloves when I went outside. She tried to get me to borrow her scarf  too but I stubbornly said I was fine.
  • First, I went to Nicholas Coffee and bought a pound of coffee because what else am I going to do? Then I walked to the Exchange to look for records but they only have ultra deluxe hipster bullshit and like, Led Zeppelin; nothing that I was looking for, needed, or would have gladly bought on a whim. So I was like steaming mad and started to storm out because that’s what I do, and that’s also what I did on Sunday when I was at the Culture Shop and some bitch was visiting her friend who was working there, and she was blocking THE ONE CASE that I wanted to look at. “Why wouldn’t you just ask her to move?” Henry had the nerve to question after I huffed and puffed my way down Carson Street. I shot him A Look and screamed, “BECAUSE I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO! SHE SHOULD WAIT UNTIL AFTER HER FRIEND IS DONE WORKING AND THEN THEY CAN GO AND GET A FUCKING FRAPPUCINO TOGETHER UGH.” Anyway, that’s a thing that happened. But back today: as I was stomping out of the store with a scowl on my face, one of the girls said, “Have a nice day, miss” and the other girl said, “I really love your purse!” So then I calmed down. Being called “miss” was good enough, but the extra compliment about my fabulous taste in accessories really dulled my ire.

• I stripped Trudy down over the weekend and I have to say, I’m not sad about it. LOOK AT THAT BODY. Henry put the new(-to-us) wig on her and looked so proud about it. I love that he was so annoyed about buying her at Macy’s but now he has totally warmed up to her. She’s an Appledale, Michael. My own Trudy, a goddamned, shit-sucking Appledale. OH YOU WAIT TIL MOM FINDS OUT BUDDY.
  • Sorry. I was having a Lost Boys moment.

• Here is a photo of a disgusting man who performs snot gymnastics every morning while waiting for the trolley, instead of just blowing his fucking nose, and I’m like “Bro, use a KLEENEX, it probably requires less effort than whatever phlegm lassoing you’re doing right now.” Sometimes, he is also known to burp with wanton abandon. I hate him so much and literally glare at him.
• I’m eating Müller greek yogurt and I can’t get over how much it tastes like paste, which alarms me because I’ve never eaten paste. And trust me, I would admit it if I did. I’ve admitted to far worse on the Internet!
  • I’m totally gagging on this but still, I keep spooning it in. Mmm, Elmers-y.

• My Cure tickets and Carly Rae Jepsen tickets came on the same day and I ran around like a child after drinking a whole case of red Squeezits! So many good shows are happening in 2016: Hail the Sun is this month, Never Shout Never is next month, Basement is coming up, Silverstein and EMAROSA in Lancaster…I’m excited to start filling up the 2016 calendar that I snagged thanks to Gayle’s mom donating to charities and getting a shit ton of calendars that no one wants so Gayle brought them all into work. I got an Easter Seals one that features crappy pictures made by children. My other option was Peaceful Solitude, which is chock full of like, pictures of churches and birds. I don’t like children, but I also don’t like churches and birds, so I grabbed the one that had more colors on it that I enjoyed. Which was the kid one. And that concludes this year’s Calendar Klatch. Stop by next year and we’ll talk again.
  • Don’t worry, I’ve repainted my nails since this picture was taken.
    • Except now they need redone again. I’m just not as into my nails anymore, guys!

• Henry finally scrubbed the tattoo off Chooch’s neck and you would have thought he was being murdered by tickles.
• Fun fact about me: ever since I was a kid, I heard the Full House theme song as “Whatever happened to addict to be a teen, the milkman, the paperboy, the evening Tv?” I mean, no, it never made sense to me– “addict to be a teen”– but I still sang it because it was either that or “a dick to Billy Tee” and that made even less sense to me…? Anyway, I finally decided to look up the words recently and wow. Just wow. “Predictability.” Who knew!? (Other than everyone.)
• In case anyone was keeping score, Henry has leveled up to “Bae Lord” and I have leveled down to “Bae.” We were having a hard time keeping track of who was who and finally Henry screamed, “JUST CALL US MOM AND DAD FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!”
  • Maybe I screamed that.
• Yeah so I hate to be That Guy, but winter, you guys. Man, fuck a winter. And it has literally only just begun.
• I went back outside when I was on my actual lunch break and not my “fuck, I’m two hours early for work” break and this time I took Wendy’s scarf, too. It was fucking brutal out there, man.
  • Actually, it wasn’t even THAT cold but we were so spoiled with a mild December and there was no gradual descent into winter digits. Just an overnight plunge.

• Henry does not approve of my mustache.
• Man, I had a really crappy weekend for no tangible reason other than I allowed a thing to get the best of me and it set the ball in motion to rack up millions of points in the psychopathic pinball game inside my brain. Emotions are the worst. I started approximately 87 fights with Henry on Saturday and Sunday and then tried to kick him out which backfired on me (it always does) and then finally he was like, “Hey, what’s the real issue here?” and then I was like “WAHHHHHHHH!!!!” and cried and he took me to Tillie’s for dinner on Sunday because I said, “I WANT TO GO TO TILLIE’S” so that’s what we did and then I was fine.

Mmm, bloody.

• One of my oldest dreams was to start my own record label. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately because I feel like each day spent at a job that has zero to do with music is killing me, but I don’t know where to start. All I know is that I want Chooch to be the face of it because everyone loves Chooch and I have the personality of a frozen corpse.
• Put all this effort into quietly crawling up the steps on Friday night so that I could burst into Chooch’s room and scare him, but wound up scaring myself because I didn’t consider the effect of screaming while wearing a pig mask. My ears are still ringing. Henry didn’t even bother to ask me if I was OK!?
• And now I will leave you with a song by Mindsideout. Did you know that the beginning of my relationship with Henry revolved around synthpop? He used to burn me synthpop mix CDs because I was All Synthpop All the Time back then and even considered changing my name to my synthpop super princess alias, Saffron. Anyway, I had a synthpop compilation with this Mindsideout song on it but not even Eide’s, my official Industrial and Synthpop dealer, had the entire Mindsideout record for sale. Henry ended up finding some overpriced import CD somewhere and I just thought he was the greatest guy ever. Well, for about 30 minutes. Come on now.

Going back to my emo hole with my sadboy music and Bledfest dreams. Someone put this blog out of its misery.

I’m in zombie mode—winter depression has officially sunk in. So before I go back to moping on the couch while crying to Balance & Composure, here are some custom paintings I churned out for Christmas. Grateful to be so busy!     

I’m taking a hiatus from custom paintings just for a bit so I can work on finishing some things to add to my Somnambulant shop. I’m going to try to actually sell a thing or two from it this year! Woo, 2016. 

Seriously, me all weekend, step off:  

#hateful

HELLO FROM 2016! I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe New Year’s Eve! Ours was low-key because I just can’t care about this particular holiday and usually I wind up with some awful end-of-the-year stomach bug so I associate NYE with toilet-hugging along with pretty much everyone else, except that I don’t have any amazing party stories to tell afterward.  Luckily, I wasn’t sick for this one, so Janna came over. The night before, she asked me what she could bring and I said “Your sports bra, because we’re going to be kpopping.” She was like “Lol OK” and I was like BUT I’M SERIOUS?!

Anyway, we watched the Pens game (we won!) and then, true to my word, I made her and Chooch do some of my favorite KpopX routines.

Henry yelling at Chooch.

Chooch making the face I hate.

Um…then we watched our least favorite YouTuber Gracie (of #cookiepizza fame) open her Christmas presents, which she would then fling to the side because she is a fucking spoiled brat. Seriously, I just can’t with that family. I mean, I’m sure I would have a gigantic head too if toy companies were just sending me boxes of things for no reason other than I somehow have amassed 500,000 YouTube subscribers for WHAT?

I’m not sure I would ever be comfortable with that.

Then we had animal mask fun!
  

I had to make Henry disinfect all of the masks first because Chooch and some of the neighbor kids have been wearing them and no just no.

It was a nice, casual, stress-free way to end a year that I didn’t hate. In fact, if Marcy hadn’t died in 2015, I might have actually been able to say that it was an almost-perfect year. But, as it is, 2015 will forever be branded in my mind as The Year We Lost Marcy. I’ll never get over it, and that’s OK.

Let’s focus on the good!

• Wendy had a baby!!
• SO.MANY.SHOWS. I promised myself that if I ever got to go back to working normal, daylight hours, I would make up for lost time by going to as many shows as possible. There were a lot that I went to this past year that I was only moderately interested in, but I still went because I COULD. What a liberating feeling. And there were many that I went to alone, which an older version of me never would have considered. But let me share with you a story of DELUXE REGRET that forever changed how I feel about saying, “I’ll just go see them next time.” It was the year 2012 and there was a little singer known as THE WEEKND who I was apeshit crazy for. He was playing a show at Mr. Small’s on a Monday night, but it was a late show and Henry didn’t want to go. The idea of going alone never occurred to me, so I passed on it, figuring I would catch him the next time he was in town. You probably know that The Weeknd practically blew up sometime after that and never again will I have the chance to see him perform in a small venue like Mr. Small’s. I blew it. So yeah, out of all the shows I went to in 2015, I think about 7 of them I went to alone. No regrets.
  • Off the top of my head, my favorites were the Kurt Travis house show, Emarosa acoustic, RIOT FEST.
    • Seriously, I will never be able to explain how many feels I have for Riot Fest. MY HEART IS IN CHICAGO.
• Our summer vacation and finally meeting Octavia!
• CHRONICA2015!!!
• Taking these pictures of Henry & Chooch. <3
• Reconnecting with my old friend Alisha, even though she lives in Arkansas now. :(
• Memorializing Marcy with friends and in ink. I’ll miss her forever, but these two things helped a lot.
• Oh my god, this whole entire thing with Bradley of Emarosa. I still think about it and get all flustered. This band is my everything.

I don’t really have any resolutions for 2016, but I do know that I would like things to continue moving along as they have been. I plan to fill 2016 with more music, more parties, and more poorly-planned vacations with my BAES, Henry and Chooch. I just want to have fun, become a KpopX instructor, and be happy. AND I HOPE THAT YOU WILL HAVE FUN AND BE HAPPY TOO! (Becoming a KpopX instructor is optional.)

Oh, and I want to go to Bledfest. Henry promised. That was my Xmas present: a promise for Bledfest.