I ate well this past weekend and I don’t mind telling you all about it SINCE YOU ASKED. (Oh man I am craving human interaction.)

First of all! On Friday, we had the most diving “fish”-fried banana blossom po’ boys from Onion Maiden, which is SADLY going on hiatus for a bit now and I will miss them deeply. It’s crazy how we have actually been “eating out” (i.e. getting take out) more during the pandemic than ever before. We are not big diner-outers, but BECAUSE of the pandemic, we have been really trying to support our faves and in doing so, we have for sure enjoyed Onion Maiden more in the last year than we have in all the years they have been open, and no offense but my stomach is super smug about this!

Oh man, I think this was my first time having banana blossom and it was extremely satisfying. The texture and seasoning was v. similar to a real life fried fish fillet – it had that true blue Lenten taste, if you feel me.

Henry and I figured that Chooch wouldn’t like it, so he only ordered two, figuring that he would just eat Chooch’s. So I scarfed mine down within five minutes, giving Henry nary a nibble. Then Chooch ended up ACTUALLY LIKING IT so Henry ended up not getting to try it at all HAHAHA go eat a real fish sandwich, carnivore.

We made the mistake of telling Chooch what he was eating while he was still mid-sandwich and he told us later that he still thought it tasted good but knowing what he was eating “ruined” it for him. He is really the worst vegetarian. Honestly.

Not pictured, but on Saturday I had some of the vegan butternut squash ravioli I ordered from Saint Ravioli. I always see people freaking out when he has pre-orders on Instagram so this time I set an alarm for his vegan ravioli sale and it was OK. I don’t know that I would go out of my way to buy them again, because the filling didn’t like knock my kpop socks off or anything BUT the actual pasta part was v. good and fresh. So I’m not totally disappointed by any means.

Another NOT PICTURED is the black sesame matcha latte I got earlier that day from Kung Fu Tea and the matcha bun from Sumi’s – Pittsburgh is surprisingly rich with Asian delights, and I am more than happy to spend money at these places!

Henry went to one of the Asian markets Sunday morning for a produce haul because I had a baby taro craving and he came home with the best boba bars!

Tiger Milk is one of the most famous/popular boba places in the world so I was super excited to have these frozen versions in my MOUTH.

Fun fact: my friend Nate told me that when he saw this picture on Instagram, he wasn’t immediately sure if I was in my house OR AN ICE CREAM PARLOR and wow thank you Nate for the best compliment I have received so far on my chaotic interior aesthetic!

SPEAKING OF ICE CREAM…

Easter pint pick-up at Sugar Spell happened on Sunday! I managed to find restraint from deep within and only ordered three pints, but then Henry brought them home and my restraint defenestrated itself while I lunged for a spoon. As I dug into the Chocolate Peanut Sprinkle, Henry asked, “Whoa, aren’t you going to take a picture first?” because I ALWAYS take pictures of my Sugar Spell Scoops! So, please excuse the chunk taken out of the Chocolate Peanut Sprinkle, and the half-assed posing and fluffing I did but I was just REALLY excited to dig the fuck in.

The Carrot Cake was my immediate favorite but that LUSH, VELVETY chocolate base keeps me coming back to Chocolate Peanut Sprinkle, I’m so sorry.

I “balanced” all of this junk food with acai bowls, oatmeal, and salads. (Henry bought golden beets at Fresh Thyme, and those are MY FAVORITE KINDS OF BEETS!)

(Also at Fresh Thyme, I bought almonds, hazelnuts, and pecans for my squirrel friends and Henry was like THESE FUCKERS EAT BETTER THAN ME! and then proceeded to tell me how much money we spend on squirrel food, lol oops I can’t help it – they’re my ONLY FRIENDS.)

Oh hello, there. It’s another bland Monday here in Pittsburgh! Henry’s phone just notified him of a picture he took three years ago today and as soon as he asked, “Guess what it is” I knew it was going to be from our first trip to South Korea and I immediately felt extreme sadness but also a sick need to actually see the picture and make my Hanguk yearning half past “sad boy Spotify playlist” more toward “rabbit in a pot” psycho ex-girlfriend.

I don’t make  A LICK of sense anymore but who reading this even cares?!

Anyway, the picture he showed me was from the cable car in Songdo Beach, Busan and I felt such a warm rush of nostalgia (or possibly my first ever hot flash). I’m re-sharing this because it was such a pretty day and this post deserves more love.

***

Chooch: Did you write about how I found a dead crab?

Me: No, I didn’t know you found a dead crab.

Chooch, incredulous at my oversight: Yes! And then I buried it!!

God, maybe if he would share these tales on my blog like I’ve asked him to, I would know! And so would you!

After strolling along the Songdo cliffs for an hour or so, we made it to Ansan Park where one of the cable car loading stations was located. Guys, if you are ever in Busan, I highly recommend walking one way and taking the cable cars the other way—if you don’t like hills, then maybe take the cable cars up, though! That last bit was pretty laborious.

We got the best of both worlds doing it this way and it was such an enjoyable way to spend a Friday morning! In fact, I don’t even think we argued at all?!

Before we boarded the cable car, Henry had to dispute the price with the ticket lady who overcharged us. I didn’t go with him because I was afraid he’d embarrass me. Aside from that little snafu, everything went smoothly! I read reviews online that said this place was not foreigner-friendly and I have no idea what they meant because this was Tourist Central.

Henry: “NAPTIME.”

Chooch was mad because he was trying to make an Instavid and Henry was junking it up with his booming voice so Chooch had to post it without sound, lol.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bg74ghEjOQv/?taken-by=butt_jam

I’m generally terrified of cable cars but goddammit this was so worth it!

That fucking Peachy Boi. Did I mention that since we were leaving that day, we checked out of the hotel before setting off for Songdo, so once again Chooch and I had our entire Korean lives strapped to our backs while Henry carried nothing. Anyway, Chooch was hand-carrying Peachy Boi because there wasn’t enough room in either of our backpacks and he made me hold him for a second when we climbing the hill to Ansan Park. I dramatically opened my hand and let Peach Boi fall to the ground and Chooch started screaming like I just kicked a Corgi and Henry was like WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING BACK THERE?!!?!?

You had to be there.

You can see the walkway over there on the left. I miss it!

Obligatory “Out Here in Busan” selfie.

FAMILY PHOTO, LOL.

We wanted to explore more of the area near Busan Tower after this, so we had to take another bus back. I was nervous that I didn’t have enough funds left on my T-Money card, and I kept panicking about it. Henry was like, “DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT” and for some reason, this became another Henryism that Chooch and I latched on to and we were doubled-over in an alley near Songdo Beach, crying in laughter, while Henry stormed off without us.

But guess what guys great news! I had enough funds to get on the bus.

The following portion of this blog post will be photos from our afternoon in Yongdusan Park and the surrounding areas.

You could never go hungry in Korea, guys. We are notorious for arguing over restaurants when on vacation because Chooch and I are so picky and I’m one of those people who will say things like, “It has a bad vibe” or “I didn’t like how the hostess looked at me” or “I don’t feel right in here” so then we leave and Henry is like FML and then we roam around like zombies forever looking for somewhere that meets our specific qualifications and I’m not going to lie, there have been times when we eat from a vending machine and then go to bed angry.

But in Korea, there are freaking food stalls and carts EVERYWHERE!

We ate at one of those aforementioned food stalls because I heard that Busan’s ttkeokbokki is different from Seoul’s, and it really is! The sauce is a deeper color (and supposedly spicier but like I mentioned before, I think I burnt my mouth to the point of no return because I rarely taste spice anymore unless it’s like something deadly) and the ttkeok itself is longer.

I loved it! And I appreciated that the old lady who served it to me made the universal “very spicy, hot hot” motion, but I slurped those motherfuckers down like the world was going to end in 2 minutes.

Chooch had a plate of twigum (fried foods) and he was so happy because one of the options was a hardboiled egg, and this was how I learned that my son loves hardboiled eggs which I guess I would know if I spent more time in the kitchen?

That lady was so sweet!

I don’t know what Henry got. Chicken maybe?

Chooch got strawberry rolled ice cream after but I was holding out for more ssiat hotteok.

We didn’t go up into the tower but it was still fun to explore the area around it.

I posted some pictures from this area while we were on the train back to Seoul that evening.

That “sorry I never told you all I wanted to say” heart lock, though… :(

We did some last minute shopping after this (I went into The Saem with the intent of buying one Choco Pie handcream, and then, $100 later….)

It just happened that way.

They have really cute guys who stand outside of the beauty shops, holding signs, and yelling adorable things to lure you in, OK?! And the salesgirl who followed me around wasn’t just suggesting things for me, she was literally telling me what I was going to buy and I was so weak, so so so weak. JUST MAKE ME PRETTY! I’LL DO ANYTHING!

(Jeannie did say that I looked 10 years younger when I came back though, so thanks Korea!)

In line for some ssiat hotteok!

I didn’t buy these and I have regrets.

Chooch bought a knock-off Supreme shirt while we were here because apparently I was supposed to supervise his packing before we left Pittsburgh and I did not do this so he was running out of clean clothes to wear, lol.

By then it was around 4pm and we had to head back to Busan Station and catch our KTX back to Seoul.

We hung out at Pascucci Cafe so Chooch could charge his dumb phone because god forbid he couldn’t watch YouTube videos for the entire 2 and a half hour train ride!

It was a whirlwind 24 hours in Busan and I really hope to make it back someday and give it a proper tour!

Please take 20 minutes today to listen to these Korean Americans – now living in South Korea – talk about their feelings about the rise of Anti-Asian hate crimes & the experiences they’ve had with racism and discrimination in the US.

“You can’t hug someone trying to punch you.”

I wish I had a bigger platform so I could make more of a difference. Very very very frustrated, especially at the lack of support and response from fellow Americans who need to reflect upon what it truly means to be American now more than ever. We need to add our voices to their voices to make the message impossible not to hear.

And as always: Talk to your kids!! Don’t let hate (and Trump!!!) win!!

When I first started to listening to Kpop in 2015, I was surprised for several reasons:

1. I don’t know what I was expecting Kpop to sound like, but my first impression was to think: “Holy shit this music is better than anything I’ve been hearing on American radio.” I was TOTALLY part of the problem, you guys. I had subconsciously written it off in my head as “lesser than” because the majority of white Americans, whether we know it or not, are programed to think this way unless presented with an opportunity to deviate from the racist norm of this damn country and come up with their own damn opinion. And as annoyed as I am when I share a Kpop MV with a work friend and they say “That’s actually good,” I can’t be too critical because I was once that person, too.
2. There are a lot of Kpop idols who are actually Asian American. (Also: not all Kpop idols are Korean.)

In America, AAPI is invisible to the music industry. Think about it: how many Asian Americans can you name that are currently on rotation on Top 40 radio stations? Now go back several several decades and think about it. The more I started learning about Kpop and getting into different groups, I learned that the Asian American members left the US (Canada too) and moved to South Korea in an effort to have a better chance at a music career. And these artists, you guys, they have more talent than most of the shit we are being forcefed in car commercials, the grocery store aisles, etc.

Imagine, as a kid, knowing that you were born with this beautiful voice, or the body to dance like no other, and realizing at a certain point that your odds of breaking into the US whitebread market are pretty abysmal. So now you have to leave your family and home behind and move across the world to South Korea in hopes of building a career off your natural talent.

Imagine that.

When I first got into BIGBANG and realized how huge they are around the rest of the world, I was naively shocked that I had never heard of them before, and also perplexed at how they hadn’t managed to crossover to the US market like Psy had (btw Psy is not a one-hit wonder, and I always have to laugh when people here think that Gangnam Style was just some gimmicky one-off – Psy is insanely popular everywhere else and has his own label now). And when BTS’s ambitious fans aggressively pushed them into the ears of America, I was really excited at first but then realized, “Wait, this is America, this could be bad” and sure enough – the racists proved me right. The comments I’ve seen on articles or Instagram posts about them have been heartbreaking, infuriating, and just plain disgusting.

I was having a conversation once at work with my friend Regina about BTS, and when I said that they aren’t even the best Kpop group, just the ones who got lucky enough to make it big, she was like,  “I wonder why it hasn’t happened to more groups yet.” I looked her dead in the eye and said, “Because America only has room for one.”

So today, I want to put the spotlight on some of my favorite Asian American singers who deserve so much more recognition here in the US and I am BEGGING you to listen to at least one or two, please, show your support to these hardworking and talented people!!

1. Jessi

Born in New York, Jessi is so goddamn badass. Not only is her music fierce, but her personality is HUGE! Henry and I love watching her on Korean TV shows, making everyone uncomfortable, lol

Why isn’t this on the radio here?

2. Amber Liu

Amber is probably my favorite from this list. Once a member of the beloved SM group f(x), she is now back in LA pursuing a solo career and we NEED TO SUPPORT HER. The CRJ vibes in this one, tho:

And if you’re looking for something to add to your Peloton playlist, this is one of her older solo songs, when she was still in Korea:

I believe f(x) was actually the first Kpop group to ever perform at SXSW, which is a fun Amber-related fact. (Yes – it was in 2013!)

3. Bobby

Bobby is a Korean rapper from Virginia. He moved to South Korea, won a bunch of music survival shows, and went on to become one of the most prominent rappers in the scene. He’s currently the rapper in Ikon, but he has some solo stuff as well:

I also want to include this track he did several year ago with a side project of his and Song Mino’s:

4. Eric Nam

Eric is from Atlanta, and before we get into his music, I want to leave you with a link to the Op Ed piece he wrote for Time in the wake of the Atlanta spa shootings. 

This is SUCH AN ICONIC SPRING JAM FOR ME.

5. Tiffany Young

Tiffany was born and raised in California and moved to Seoul as a teenager to become a trainee at SM, where she subsequently became a member of one of THE MOST LEGENDARY KPOP GIRL GROUPS IN THE WORLD: Girl’s Generation. She opted to not renew her contract a few years ago and has since been working on her US solo career.

Every time I hear this song, I mourn the fact that it wasn’t around in the 80s for me to request at my rollerskating birthday parties:

You know what guys? Fuck Friday 5! Here are some more!

6. Ailee

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS GIRL’S VOICE COULD BE A WEAPON. Every time I listen to her, I lament the fact that she’s not rubbing elbows with Beyonce at the top of the charts. How!? This is a travesty.

I’m posting this but I can’t watch it because this song is from my favorite Korean drama, Goblin, and just hearing the opening notes guts me, but this is an excellent example of Ailee’s live vocals:

But yeah, keep putting Taylor Swift at the top, America.

7. Henry Lau

Henry is actually Canadian-born but I’m including him here because he’s Henry and this list would be remiss without him because he is a DELIGHT and also a classically trained violinist.

^^^^ This is from another FANTASTIC Korean drama: While You Were Sleeping, and now I’m crying lololol.

My Henry also loves Henry, lol.

8. Chungha

Chungha is another bonus/exception because she was born in South Korea and then spent a chunk of her childhood in Texas. But when she decided she wanted to pursue a career in entertainment, she moved back to South Korea. America, we could have had this:

You guys know she’s one of my faves so I had to fit her into this list!!

****

I know that sharing some music videos isn’t revolutionary or a game-changer in the grand scheme of things, but I really am trying to keep this #StopAsianHate conversation going. I’m saddened at how little I have been seeing across my social media on this topic. Where are all the white allies?! White influencers have also been suspiciously quiet (but you go ahead and post those photos of your Starbucks match latte!).

I hope that you will take some time to watch some of these. Maybe you will find something you like! It’s beyond time for the American music industry to start being more inclusive. I personally have had enough of Halsey and all the other girl singers that do that weird fake baby vocal fry. Let’s make room for the Ambers and Ailees of the world, thank you.

(I am also donating 100% of March sales over at Hello Hanguk to AAPI organizations, and Henry and I also signed up for a Bystander Intervention training webinar. There is so much more work to be done, so much more education we need to seek out, and so much more self-reflecting that we can do. Don’t be ashamed to admit that you need to work on adjusting the lens in which you see others, because I definitely have a long ways to go! I can’t, as a white person, sit here and say that I am 100% perfect because I clearly am discovering hidden biases within myself that I never knew existed until it had the opportunity to be exposed. (Case in point: my “shock” that Kpop music was “actually good.”)

Hello. In today’s tour around my dumb house, we will focus on the nook in my bedroom where I used to do my painting when I was actually inspired to do art. I still have paint ALL OVER THE DESK TOP like I’m trying to prove that I actually used to do creative things.

OK, so let’s look at some of the shit on the walls and on the desk and I will type out a few descriptions because that’s just how we’re going to do this.

Here are some clowns (I think these ones were gifted to me by friend Patty but I have three other clowns that are vaguely similar and those ones might be from her?!? The perils of having tons of clowns in your house –  the origins become murky!

Behind them is the Father Day’s portrait I made for Henry a few years ago which he is apparently too embarrassed to take to his office, that’s fine. He never took Chooch’s art piece either. That is what I would call UNGRATEFUL. Maybe that’s just me!

Here we have the blue jay tealight holder that was used as a centerpiece at the table I was sitting at when I went to a MORMON WOMENS CONFERENCE for an essay I was writing for a class at Pitt. This was one of those things that made my inner-self scream WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO but then ended up being such a memorable and interesting experience. I loved that class and the way it pushed my boundaries. Anyway, the Mormon missionary who invited me to the dinner was a total gem and every time I look at this (which I have since dusted and scraped of wax residue after looking at this picture), I am filled with such warm memories!

(Henry was totes shocked that I didn’t convert after this, tbh.)

Behind it is a silver box that I bought in Canberra, Australia! It holds my sacred charm bracelet and my Pappap’s diamond pinky ring that he wanted me to have when he died but then my family played a two decade long game of keep-away because they thought I’d pawn it. I HAVE NO SOUR GRAPES ABOUT THAT OR ANYTHING LOL.

Also behind it is STEVE FROM THE HIPPO from a previous THINGS AROUND MY HOUSE post maybe you remember if you’re a LONGTIME READER. (Or at least have been reading for the past year because this post was from almost exactly a year ago lol.)

Limited edition screen print from the DGD 10 year anniversary tour. That was a….very strange night because it was after I finally knocked Jonny Craig off the pedestal of my heart and started to see him for what he really is: a toxic man who manipulates, abuses, assaults and turns women into addicts. But, he was there that night because the BIG DRAW of this tour was that the two former singers (Jonny and Kurt Travis) were reprising their roles alongside current singer Tillian Pearson. Back when I decided to paint this wall pink, I knew that this print was going to be the centerpiece.

That prayer card is from my birth dad’s funeral – morbid much? I have a collection of prayer cards – the one in the picture below is from my Aunt Cecilia who died when I was like 1 or 2 and I have no memory of her aside from the fact that the furniture in our guest room in the first house I grew up in was hers and the whole room had that really heavy, antique-y scent to it. I also remember that there was green and pink taffy-like candy in one of the desk drawers and I ate it, thinking I was really showing my mom who was boss because I feel like I wasn’t supposed to be hanging out in that room, only to find out later that it was literally sticky tack. Also, fun fact, Cecilia is my confirmation name.

Also, Fall Out Boy concert ticket from before they became MTV and I Heart Radio darlings, and an ICP concert ticket which makes me laugh every time I look at it, what a night.

Here is one of my favorite pictures of my beloved Marcy, nee Marciples von Schlugenhusen. I miss her every single fucking day. Above her is a bumper sticker from the Day After Day soap pop-up at Ader Error in Seoul:

Chooch and Blake Pumpkinhead.

I kept this china cup that I found when I was cleaning out my aunt Sharon’s room a few years ago. I only just recently moved it from a curio cabinet to my desk and that’s when I noticed that there was still a Chinese price sticker on it. I have a VAGUE recollection of Sharon mentioning that she had been to China, but I asked my mom because I am a SRS BLOGGER who likes to collect the FACTS. My mom didn’t have a lot of information to provide aside from yes, Sharon had visited China and it was before I was born, so sometime in the 70s, I’d imagine. Sharon worked in the Sports Medicine department of the University of Pittsburgh for-fucking-ever (all the way up the early 2000s) and according to my mom, this was a work-related trip and she was accompanying Dr. Freddie Fu, an orthopedic surgeon so world renown, he has his own Wiki page.

This is so interesting to me! One of the many times I have wished a close relative was still alive so that I can ask questions for my imaginary book.

(Fun fact: whenever I would butt into adult convos as a kid, my Pappap would ask, “Are you writing a book? Well, leave this chapter out.” Lol. I think about that probably once a week, not gonna lie.)

Marquis de Sade painting from an unknown painting, taken from my grandparents’ clown room. The piece above it is from an artist in Seoul. I bought it from her in Insadong on our first trip!

Here is a photo of my bro Corey and me at the world’s largest cuckoo clock in Sugarcreek Ohio!

Chooch with Bradley Walden from Emarosa; another beautiful photo of Marcy <3

Framed photo of my Pappap that I used to keep on my desk when I worked at the shitty meat factory so the owners would be constantly reminded of the family I came from; a REALLY DAMAGED Polaroid of the time my BFF Christy “married” my brother Corey in our basement and I was the flower girl. Fun fact: SHE WAS ALREADY MARRIED TO MY OTHER BROTHER RYAN!! They married one summer before Corey was born, on a hammock in our backyard. I have a vivid memory of Ryan coming out of the house with some kind of snack – Twizzlers maybe? – and when I reached for me, he withdrew his hand real quick and snapped, “These are for my babe!”

Dance Gavin Dance lyrics handwritten by Tillian! The mat is custom-made by Henry.

Popcorn container from Everland in Korea! I use it as a purse and then people are like I LIKE YOUR PURSE OMG and Chooch gets mad.

Some reading material! One of my lovely Instagram friends, Tousled Elegance, sent me this AWESOME Cure comic several years ago – let me just tell you that it’s not easy for people to find Cure memorabilia that I don’t already have, so this was really exciting!

Well, that’s it for the former art nook. I think I am going to hang more pictures on the pink wall though and I definitely want to get a neon strawberry sign to complement the Dance Gavin Dance 10th anniversary print!

Um, I was going to make some empty promise that one day my blog posts will be exciting again but then I remembered that they never really were, pandemic or no pandemic oh hahaha ugh.

A BITE

The other day, I had this blast-from-the-past memory of biting some bitch on the face. I was pretty sure, like 90% positive, that this was a real event but still decided to text my mom to confirm. And yes, it’s true: when I was 3 or 4 and we lived in my step-dad’s house in Castle Shannon (HATED LIVING THERE*), I bit the little blond-haired bitch that lived next door to us and luckily it was not Connie, who was a girl I was actually friends with (there is a picture of us both in overalls, sitting with my step-dad at a picnic table in his backyard, and we actually look like we could be sisters).

*(For some reason, my dad had a blue lightbulb in the light at the top of the steps and there have been numerous times over the years when a light of that same shade has triggered me. My mom started dating my step-dad real soon after my birth dad died and I think even though I was still so young, moving into his house was still a big upheaval for me and I just never felt comfortable there. NOT EVEN WHEN CONNIE TAUGHT ME HOW TO MAKE MUD PIES. I’m really getting side-tracked here.

)

Back to the bite:

My mom can’t remember the girl’s name, but she is certain I bit her face because she dared to do something to my beloved stuffed dog, Purple. (To this day, YOU DO NOT FUCK WITH MY PURPLE, OK.) Because this was back in 1983, life went on with nary a Go Fund Me or passive aggressive Facebook post. Probably our moms yelled at each other over a fence for a minute and then went back in their kitchens in time to pull out the pot roast.

(OH EW OMG I HATED POT ROAST – ANOTHER REASON I WENT MEAT-FREE.)

My mom mentioned that my victim also had an older brother and something inside me snapped.

“WERE THESE THE SAME KIDS THAT LEFT ME TO DIE IN THEIR TREEHOUSE?” I asked my mom AND SHE SAID YES. OMG you guys I think about these motherfuckers a lot because I am still high-key afraid of heights because of them!! One time I was at a playground with Chooch and I became paralyzed with fear after I climbed up on some higher level and then needed to climb back down AND I LITERALLY COULDN’T.

I mean, obviously I eventually did. But it took a bunch of taunting kids to push me over the ledge (like, literally).

Oh shit, I am so glad that I bit that bitch’s face. I bet if she has kids now, they’re real big dicks.

So I was telling Henry about this biting incident and he was like, “Yeah that doesn’t surprise me at all” and I had the audacity to ask why. He gave me A Look while projecting a reel of “me biting Henry” moments into the space between us.

I CAN’T HELP IT, IT’S MY REFLEX OK I START CHOMPING LIKE A ZOMBIE. I bit his stomach the other night actually. We weren’t even doing anything, just watching TV and for some reason, my inner bully was like “MUST BITE HIS STOMACH” so I did.

Recently, he accidentally kicked Drew when he was walking through the kitchen and I was like I WILL AVENGE YOU, DREW so I got on my hands and knees and tried to bite Henry’s calves while he was cooking and he was like WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU STOP IT and I was like NO I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR DREW and he was like SHE’S NOT EVEN LOOKING!!

Wow, now that I’m typing this all out, it occurs to me that maybe I have a problem.

A BURN

The other night, I was changing into my PJs when Henry yelled OMG WHAT IS THAT. Naturally, I started to panic, wondering if my Devil tail was now visible to human eyes. “What?!?” I screamed, trying to look at myself over my shoulder.

“ON YOUR LEGS!!!” Henry yelled, coming closer to inspect. I’m starting to wonder if he’s found cancerous moles on me or something, and he was getting more concerned the more he examined me. “You have circles all over your skin. Are these….burns?”

And then it all made sense, and I started laughing. “Oh! It’s probably from the heating pad. I sit on it while I’m working.”

“YOU SIT ON THE HEATING PAD??” he cried.

“Yeah, because I’m cold and it keeps me warm.” Um, le duh, amirite?

“You sit on that all day??” he asked. “Do you realize how hot that is?” Then he looked at the circles again and yelled, “THESE ARE BURNS, ERIN!”

I dunno why but this cracked me up a lot. The heating pad has these circle thingies on it and now my butt and thighs do, too.

A BOP

Gotta love fan-made videos!

This song has been in my head for weeks. Wonho has quickly become one of my faves. OH TWIST MY ARM, here’s another song from his new album!

(I actually hate the word “bop” and prefer “jam” but FOR THE SAKE OF BLOG POST NAMING CONVENTIONS, I went there.)

Hello from my couch in Brookline. Today was v. nice, much sun, etc. so I made Henry go on a cemetery walk with me. It had been a while since we pounded pavement in that beautiful Calvary Cem, so that is where I chose to go. We stopped at Bae Bae’s first for some cold bev and LITERALLY THE BEST SNICKERDOODLE AND DOUBLE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES I HAVE EVER STUFFED INTO MY BIG FAT MOUTH. Henry is like part of some sacred snickerdoodle blood line and even he said PROBABLY when I asked him if it was the best he’s ever had.

Henry never gets very superlative up in this piece so that’s gotta be like the best review Bae Bae’s will ever get, sincerely.

Anyway, I had literally been crying about ten minutes prior to being like TAKE A PICTURE OF ME IN THIS HOODIE because look, I had found this hoodie way in the back recesses of my closet the other day and it just so happens that I bought it in 2007 when I was looking for the perfect top to wear with the pink tutu I had made specifically to flounce around in at Chooch’s 1st birthday party and I was like AT LEAST 70 pounds heavier then and this hoodie barely fit.

I mean, it actually didn’t really fit well at all – I could barely lift my arms because it was so snug.

But now it is all loose and even a little too big but super cozy and it brings back the best memories of when I was trying so hard to be a scene kid even though I WAS A NEW MOM not willing to admit that that ship had gon’ and straight SAILED.

So yes, please enjoy some pictures of me trying desperately to “pose” when my natural instinct is to put my arms up and do a weird tilt. The amount of times “why can’t you be normal” runs through my inner monologue on a daily basis is actually really sad – JUST LET ME BE ME, SELF! Ugh. I have so many personalities constantly arguing with each other on the inside should I be alarmed or nah.

Or jump. I’m also a big advocate for jumping poses. But that’s probably because Jillian Michaels has me trained to jump on cue.

I hate my mouth so I wanted to cover my mouth in all of the pictures but Henry was like STOP BEING WEIRD and it made me wish Chooch had been there (he had to say home and work on a powerpoint about STDs lololol and I suggested that he use pictures of the STD cookies that me, Blake and Janna made several years ago and he was like DAD SAID THE SAME THING. ALSO, NO.) because Chooch takes really good pictures of me (I mean, as good as you can get when you’re working with someone who has a Leno chin and resting&active ugly face.

Henry took this action shot of me pulling pine needles out of my hand. That was fun.

I’m also a fan of “RUNNING TOWARD THE CAMERA” shots.

HERE I COME.

Henry was like WOW YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD RUNNER I BET YOU WOULD LOOK GOOD RUNNING IN A WEDDING DRESS—

lololol jk he def did not say that.

Although now I’m laughing because my ex-friend Keri always said she imagined me being a runaway bride but instead I just get to be a never-bride hahahahah I’m not crying I’m laughing.

Me and my man JC. His hand was actually broken so it was very awkward to hold.

Here I am covering my mouth again and Henry was not a fan of the pose. Also, I was sitting on a tree butt.

Anyway, here’s a trip back to 2007 when I first wore the hoodie and it barely fit and I hadn’t lost a single pound of baby weight yet and my legs were THICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC.

I don’t miss 2007 at all but I do really miss those Draven shoes, like a lot a lot a lot..

OK thanks for joining me on this photo-journey. I hope you had as much of an OK time as I did.

OH one more thing!!!! I fixed an Easter decoration that had fallen down in front of a grave so pass that shit on to God or whoever.

P.S. Bonus picture of Dumb Henry a/k/a Him Man.

I’m tired and sad and have no intro other than: here are some words and pictures.

• One day last week, I was at my usual spot at the front window, talking to the squirrels because that’s my life now. I’m like Gorillas in the Mist except more toward Squirrels on the Porch. ANYWAY!! You know that I call all t he brown ones “Buddy” and all the gray ones are “Mr. Gray Guy” because I am so fucking original, can you stand it. So this one particular instance, one of the Buddys was here and I was half-hanging out the window talking to him. Right as I was saying BUDDY, YOU’RE SO CUTE in my (according to my housemates) creepy squirrel tone, I looked up and made direct eye contact with some man who was walking by and had no idea that there was a squirrel on the other side of the porch pillar so it looked like 100% I was cat-calling this dumb man. That was fun.
• Henry and I went to some fleatique place last Saturday and I wanted this painting SO BAD but it was like 10 feet tall and $2000. Then I got my stimulus and Henry joked that I could go back and get it but then quickly yelled JUST KIDDING IT WON’T FIT IN THE HOUSE. I mean, we could hang it horizontally but OK.

• But then we went to Global Market in Squirrel Hill and I got this glorious elephant mobile from India which really adds a “pop” of color lol.

• Henry, looking at the “13 years ago today” pictures on Google drive on his phone, asked me, “Wtf are these??” I glanced and said, “Oh, that’s the homeless guy I picked up at a gas station & drove to a diner at midnight, and the others are pictures of the cleaning guy I was obsessed with at my old job.” Henry was like, “They look like they were taken at a mental institution.” I mean, that old job really was in a super dismal building, and in the basement of it no less. I really hated working there.
• And here is a conversation that Chooch and I had the other day:

Me: I can’t remember what I used to feed you for breakfast & lunch when you were little. Do you remember?

Chooch: No.

~a pause~

Me: …I might not have fed you.

Then we both cracked up at the same time. At least we can laugh about these things?!

• Oh shit, St. Patrick’s Day Sugarspell Pint Pre-Order! I don’t like 3/17 but I love the shamrock-y flavs. Pot o’ Golden Milk is my fave because it’s A GOLDEN LATTE. I really love turmeric even though it’s a really dumb word to say.

• This cute picture of Chooch matching the wall and Drew matching Chooch:

• Oh! I can’t believe I forgot to mention that 2 weekends ago we got takeout from a brand new African cuisine place that MAKES FUFU!! They also had puff puff but the ones we got were over cooked so bad that we couldn’t even eat them so overall the experience was just so-so. Also I prefer the version of fufu that Henry makes because the recipe he got for it uses plantain and cassava and this place only uses cassava. It was still good! But I like the texture of the plantain one. I guess there are all different kinds of ways to make fufu & it varies by region. I dunno, I’m still learning!

• Penelope always looks either angry or morose.
• You guys it’s 6pm on Saturday and I have a legit headache from the hours I spent stalking squirrels today. Henry told me I’m “so weird” but you have no idea how close I am to TAMING ONE OF THESE BUDDYS AND HAVING HIM CUDDLE WITH ME WHILE WEARING A CUTE LITTLE SWEATER AND BERET. At one point, I was in the backyard while five of them were frolicking in the tree branches watching me like I was crazy. One literally sprawled out on his stomach on a branch like “lessee how dis is gon’ play out.”

I don’t want to type anymore. Goodbye, my guy(s).

I know that donating to charities or fundraisers, or patronizing Asian-owned restaurants and shops isn’t something that’s feasible for everyone, especially while we’re in a pandemic, so I’ve really been over here trying to think of ways to help support the Asian community (this of course is in addition to BEING ALLIES, educating ourselves/friends/children/families, and curb-stomping hate speech and hate crimes when we see it!!). And I realized, duh, 75% of the content I watch on YouTube is made by Asian creators so today I am going to be sharing five of my favorites because watching their videos not only supports them financially, but you might actually learn some things about their culture as well.

1. Ashley Choi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8-k8-FlJGY

Ashley is a (sometimes) Kpop idol living in Seoul and her vlogs are so adorable. They’re called the Adulting Series and they make Henry laugh because she has the same amount of adulting skills as me. She’s good friends with another Korean vlogger I love – Joan Kim – and I honestly have added so much to our past Seoul itineraries based on the cafes and boutiques they frequent in their vlogs.

Ashley was in a group called Ladies Code and now she does radio work, but a few years ago she had a solo comeback and this song still makes me smile so much!

2. Ur Mom Ashley

OK PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO ME. I am lowkey obsessed with Ashley and her siblings Amber and Andrew because they remind me of me and my brothers when we all still lived at home. It was CHAOS in the best way and watching these videos has been bringing so much joy and comfort to my life these days.  I literally laugh out loud so hard and then the cats get secondhand embarrassment. Sorry, cats, but ya’ll need to lighten up!

3. Strictly Dumpling

Do not watch Mikey’s videos on an empty stomach OMFG. This guy eats the best food and he can fucking CHOW DOWN, it’s actually remarkable to watch. Plus, he travels all over the world to eat said food, yeah boy.

4. CupofTJ

In case you couldn’t tell, my YouTube niche is food and travel lol. TJ is one of the cutest and most personable food &t travel vloggers out there, I promise you! And in the video I’m sharing, she meets up with MY FAVORITE SEOUL YOUTUBERS, Sarah & Kyuho, so consider this a 2-for-1 deal, OK?!

5. Fancy Nancy

I found Fancy Nancy on YouTube several years ago when she was living in Korea (she was teaching there) but now she’s back in the States and still amazing so you should go and watch her! She has a lot of daily vlogs but also a good bit of (pre-COVID) travel vlogs too. I’m obsessed with travel vlogs but there are A LOT OF REALLY ANNOYING TRAVEL YOUTUBERS out there. Fancy Nancy is not one of them!

I could do a post on some of my favorite Asian books too if anyone would be interested in that. Reading IS SUCH A GOOD WAY TO LEARN more about other cultures and people’s experiences!

Please please please remember that we cannot sit here drinking our matcha lattes, using our Hello Kitty waffle maker, reading manga while unwinding with a BTS MediHeal face mask AND IGNORE THE FACT THAT ASIANS ARE BEING MURDERED, THREATENED & BULLIED IN AMERICA. We cannot consume their media and eat their food and then not say shit. NOT ON MY WATCH.

Something I think about a lot from the last year in quarantine is the time Chooch tried to make bread, when we still had energy and drive in the early days of STAYING HOME. I feel like even though it was only a year ago, it deserves a repost because it was originally posted in a week-long isolation recap and who even reads that crap, amirite.

**********************

“Chooch, we’re going to make bread today.”

“……without HIM?” (HIM = Henry, clearly.)

“Yes! Someone posted recipes on Twitter. It looks easy.”

“Well, THAT’S something I can tell I’ll be quoting you on for the rest of my life.”

OK, scratch that idea. I just went back to the recipe I saw on Twitter and realized that there was way more to it than just this:

Apparently, the rest of the recipe was in the comments. It’s involved. Do we have baking powder? What is kosher salt? Something about sitting in a greased bowl for 30-60 minutes? I’ll pass.

In good, non-COVID news, Taemin has black hair again! Also, I really wish I was going through this pandemic hell in S. Korea, not the fucking dumb US. God, can we screw this up anymore? FORGET I ASKED THAT. DO NOT HOLD ANYONE’S BEER. GET BACK INTO ISOLATION.

UPDATE, 12:09:

Chooch is making the bread on his own. Where the fuck is the baking powder, he asked, gesturing to the open cupboard full of UNLABELED CONTAINERS OF WHITE POWDERS.

‘This could all be cocaine for all we know!” I cried. Now Henry is on speaker phone. He is very unhappy about how this Friday is progressing.

Apparently the baking powder is in a plastic container that says “baking powder.” I would have hung up on Henry’s ass by now.

OMG IF I HEAR “BAKING POWDER” ONE MORE TIME. This call has dragged on for like 11 minutes. Henry just yelled, “I have to go! I don’t have time for this!”

Lol, I found the baking powder immediately  and now Chooch is mad. He dropped the butter on the ground so I told him  to just wash it off but then we both looked at it and I said, “Um, just throw it out.” Then we fucked up because I dumped all the water in at once, before Chooch had a chance to “mix the dry ingredients” and then apparently even the water was supposed to be added gradually? Why? It’s all going to end up in the same place eventually anyway?

I feel like we made some progress because after stirring it for a bit, it resembles real life dough! I got bored though so now Chooch is doing the rest alone.

12:44PM This might go down as the worst idea ever. The dough is like melted paste – is this right!?

The recipe never told us what to do with the butter. We used our collective noggins to assume that it was for greasing the bowl, so then Chooch made me wash out the Pam that I had originally (handsomely) spritzed it with. We are now letting the dough sit for 30-60 minutes. Is it going to expand into a carb-loaded Jabba the Hut and suffocate us? TIME WILL TELL.

1:50PM: Time to cook this gooey blob! I just noticed that the recipe on Twitter said to HEAT A GRIDDLE. THE FUCK? I was like “Can’t we just use the oven?” and Chooch was like I don’t know so I was scrolling through the Twitter comments and I said, “Oh look! This person asked, ‘Can I use an oven'” and Chooch goes, “Yeah that was me. That was LITERALLY ME.”

I have a headache.

Good thing we have those fire blankets.

YOU GUYS I’m positive we didn’t make these as intended but, against all odds, they taste fucking delicious. The first one came out the most normal looking. The rest are like, dough scraps but still delicious.

We made a penis-shaped one for Henry!

A half hour later, I glanced in the kitchen. “I guess we should just leave this for him to clean up?” And then Chooch and I scream-laughed our faces off. I think we’ve reached peak isolation. It has to be all downhill from here.

Oh wait, but then Henry told me that he ripped his pants today and didn’t realize it until he went back to the office and one of his coworkers said, “Nice underwear.” Yes, this is my favorite part of today’s isolation.

In case you were wondering if beverage deliverymen are essential during a pandemic, that would be a yes. Henry still has to work and his skin is basically burning off his hands from manic-application of hand sanitizer.

5:00PM: Henry just came home and is so mad. “I’m not cleaning that!” he yelled, but now he’s in there cleaning it. Chooch let the “dough” dry on the rolling pin and Henry is very upset about this. Also, he tried the bread and threw it back on the plate. Chooch and I were so insulted, but then I took a bite, and you know, now that they’ve been laying there for a few hours, I can tell that um, these actually aren’t fully cooked, lol. It’s pretty raw, is that why my stomach hurts do you think?

Chooch reminded me that there wasn’t egg in it at least.

A week later, we looked up allegedly “easy” vegan recipes that we could potentially make during the day since our chef isn’t home, but the first one I put on immediately wanted us to peel a potato and I screamed PEEL IT YOURSELF and started to look for another recipe video but lost interest at an alarming speed and put on a Booktube video instead. But then Chooch found some “Easy Naan-type bread” video but it called for lemon juice for some reason and we don’t have that, so he texted Henry “bring home lemon juice” 8x and Henry responded, “Do you need lemon juice?” because he thinks he’s so fucking funny, about as funny as a fifth grade science teacher from the 70s.

Anyway, Henry came home from work with the lemon juice and suddenly Chooch is a bread baker. I had zero hand in it, which is probably why it turned out ok. He came out of the kitchen with a ball of dough in his meat-mitts and said, “Mom! Look!” and I was like, “Holy shit, that looks like real dough and not that weird-ass paste shit we made last week!” which, to be fair, we determined was my fault because I threw the recipe in the air and just plopped everything together in a bowl at once, and apparently there is a reason why you need to mix the dry ingredients alone and then SLOWLY add the wet shit LITTLE BY LITTLE. Who knew?!

I guess a trillion bakers before me.

****

Sadly, that was the last time Chooch baked bread. I should have goaded him into making Irish soda bread yesterday even though I make a point of not celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, UGHHHH.

Anyway, if you have any easy bread recipes that you’d like to see Chooch try, let me know!

Hello guys. I think we’re all on the same page here because I can’t imagine any racists being able to stomach the writings of this fragile, liberal snowflake so unless you’re here to hate-read I think we’re pretty much aligned in our social stances, but I’d still be remiss to not firmly state that I stand with the Asian community and if I EVER hear anyone slinging slurs, calling it “the China virus,” or flashing even the slightest side-eye at an Asian person, I will fucking throw down.

Here at Oh Honestly Central, we’re regular supporters of Asian-owned businesses but we definitely have been more mindful of ramping up our efforts since the pandemic hit. We (but REALLY Henry) love getting produce at Asian markets. Even just on that sweet potato tip, you guys, you literally cannot find a tastier one anywhere else, and don’t even say Whole Foods. I’m always shocked when I tell people that we shop at Asian markets and then THEY’RE shocked to find out that Pittsburgh has one – but there are actually quite a few here! So if you’re looking to support your Asian community on that ramen and novelty candy front, definitely check to see if your town has an Asian market.

Our personal favorites are WFH Oriental and Many More Asian Market, both located in the Strip District.

What really gets me is when white people make racist jokes against Asians, but then they LOVE THEM SOME SUSHI. White people do this shit to Black people too.

You know the types: the broad who slides into her lululemon for her Cardi B-soundtracked spin class but then won’t sit next to the Black man on the bus. The redneck who posts Asian stereotype memes and then chases it down with a double order of General Tso’s. Don’t be that person! But DO BE the person who appreciates and respects Asian cuisine. Restaurants in general are really hurting right now, and Asian restaurants are DEFINITELY suffering. Consider getting some take out this week!

Here in Pgh, we really like Nak Won Garden for Korean food, Tong Garden for Chinese (FUN FACT: Chooch is friends with the son of the owners!

), Thai Spoon has my favorite winter curry,  Bae Bae’s Cafe is awesome if you want delicious chocolate chip cookies (possibly the best in the ‘Burgh??) and bingsu, and Ineffable Ca Phe has the best banh mi (a tofu option, even!) and Vietnamese coffee around!

AND HAVE YOU EVER HAD ASIAN BREAD?? Good lord people – check your city for Asian bakeries. We’re addicted to Pink Box and Sumi’s Cakery. My favorite is milk bread, oh fuck yeah.

And don’t stop there! While you’re eating your bibimbap or pho at home, watch some Asian TV! Netflix has SO MUCH to choose from there days! I’m currently watching the second season of Love Alarm and plan on starting Sisyphus this weekend! YouTube is also awesome if you want to learn more about various cultures or engage in some virtual travel. We’ve been watching a lot of Drew Binsky’s vlogs lately and have learned SO MUCH about different countries.

Oh! Read books by Asian authors! ESPECIALLY own voices/memoirs. One that I read recently was Sigh, Gone by Phuc Tran. It was equal parts hilarious, superbly written, educational, and also infuriating.

If you’re looking to put your money where your mouth is, NY Mag has a great list here.

When I was a kid and learned the term “melting pot,” I thought that was so cool, that AMERICA was so cool. Because we are a country full of so many different cultures! It’s a beautiful thing and it blows my mind that not everyone sees it that way. Imagine how boring and plain this country would be if we didn’t have so many different people sharing their cultures.

And lastly, IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING, BUT ALSO REPORT THE THING!!!!

Oh you guys, you guys, you guys, oh you guys. We took a short road trip to Keystone State Park (only abut an hour away) for some Nature Time and it was JUST WHAT I NEEDED, to quote the ineffable Ric Ocasek. I have been trying very hard to maintain perspective and keep my privilege in check during the past pandemic’d year but trying to remain diligent about social distancing and borderline quarantining in conjunction with DREADED WINTER has really made me crack. So when I saw that it was going to be sunny and mild on Sunday, I screamed at Henry to find somewhere to go and of course he didn’t so I was like “CAN’T WE GO TO  THAT PLACE WE WENT THAT ONE TIME AND THE PARK RANGER WAS LIKE ‘HERE IS A TRAIL YOU CAN TAKE’ AND YOU WERE LIKE ‘THANKS CUZ’ AND THEN WROTE A LETTER TO YOUR MOMMY ABOUT HOW A PARK RANGER PAID ATTENTION TO YOU” and surprisingly, Henry knew exactly where I meant. I mean, after TWENTY YEARS OF DATING, you get the psychic equivalent of synced menstrual cycles.

It started off semi-annoying because we wanted to get lunch from Sheetz first but the app was being a piece of shit and wouldn’t accept my order so Henry ended up having to go in and order in person and apparently they were having a problem with the system because all three of my orders actually did go through lolololol. I love their veggie wraps (it’s the BOOM BOOM sauce that makes it, guys) so I would have gladly taken all three but I guess they were smart enough to know that the others were dupes so they only made one.

PROBABLY FOR THE BEST because I always get it loaded with jalapenos and banana pepper rings which would have made for an uncomfortable car ride home probably.

It was windy on Sunday, which is why Chooch looks like he’s trying to hold his head in place post-decap.

WOO NATURE!

The first 30 minutes or so was dicey because Chooch was being a surly teenager and I was like THIS SUCKS WHY DID WE BRING HIM but then we eventually remembered how to publicly family again.

Chooch found this stick  immediately upon exiting the car and subsequently spawned an unhealthy attachment, as he is wont to do with inanimate objects – he must get that from Henry.

Yeah, from Henry.

There was a public restroom up ahead that  Henry and Chooch stopped at and then after we started walking again, Chooch realized he left that dumb stick at the bathroom and was wavering on whether or not to go back to get it. I mean, we have only been walking for about a minute before he realized so we hadn’t gone that far but I started goading him for being TOO SCARED to go back alone and he was like STFU and ran back to get it. I noticed a set of steps leading down to a little clearing near the water, and it was situated in such a way that you couldn’t really see it from the main path, so I giddily whispered to Henry, “LET’S HIDE FROM HIM.” Henry actually went along with it, I guess because it didn’t require any squatting, crouching, or squeezing between things.

It was HI-LARRY-OUS to watch Chooch run back with his reclaimed stick, continue running right past us, slow down eventually and start looking all around, frantically. Of course Henry was like LET US NOT TRAUMATIZE THE CHILD and ended the game way sooner than I would have liked but it was still super fun, especially when Chooch kept saying he wasn’t scared BECAUSE HE WAS TOTALLY SCARED.

Hiding from and scaring people is honestly my national past time. It gives me THE BIGGEST THRILL. Like riding my own make believe roller coaster in my mind!! (WHILE HIDING BEHIND TREES, ROCKS, CURTAINS, ETC.)

My giddy growler was uncorked at this point and EVERYTHING WAS SIDE-SPLITTINGLY FUNNY TO ME….

Like when we came upon some signage with BAT INFORMATION on it and inspected the neighboring BAT HABITAT and Chooch said, “What if a person fell out, like Lost Boys” and then Henry started to say, “When I was a kid—-”

and I cut him off to say, “A VAMPIRE FELL OUT OF YOUR HOUSE?” and then I couldn’t stop laughing at the thought of Young Henry hiding under a couch from a vampire. (I was about to type here what Henry actually said but I couldn’t remember so I just asked Chooch, who originally tried to walk away as soon as I said “vampire” because this whole scene was so annoying to him, but then he heard me out and said, “He never got to finish his sentence because you cut him off and then wouldn’t stop laughing!”)

You guys, I laughed every bad feeling and thought out of my body that afternoon, I really think I did. I mean, I was SO SET OFF that I had to keep squatting down to keep from peeing my pants and then I was sobbing at one point because that’s what happens when I laugh too hard – my brain gets confused and starts thundering, then HOLA!!! HERE COME THE TEARS!

There were other people around too and they probably Really Wondered about me. Like, Really Really.

And then out of the blue, Chooch said to the surrounding trees, “And thanks to the Vampire Act of 1892, we never had to worry about vampires again” and now I was practically puking, why was this so funny, this dumb  comment about vampires next to a stupid lake in some place called KEYSTONE STATE PARK.

AND THEN THERE WERE PEOPLE FISHING AND I ASKED HENRY IF HE KNEW THEM AND NOW I WAS READY TO BE ADMITTED INTO A STATE HOSPITAL. JUST GO AHEAD, TAKE ME AWAY.

I had to pretend like I was interested in reading this plaque so I could hide my ugly laugh-contorted face from passers-by. These poor people, thinking they could come out to KEYSTONE STATE PARK for a nice peaceful stroll and here I am, emitting my shrieky cackle into the air, sending volaries of birds ca-cawing off to the horizon.

And by the way, fuck off, Harry Miller.

j/k sir, you seem nice.

Then I started laughing again, imagining a young Hank being terrorized by Eddie Munster; I had to bury my head in Henry’s side, so he asked, “What are you laughing at?” but I couldn’t answer so Chooch sighed and said, “Seriously? She’s still laughing at that dumb vampire comment from like 20 minutes ago” and it turns out that Henry had no idea that any of this had even happened. Like, I had just been acting like a live-action commercial for laughing gas for all this time and he just didn’t notice?!

Tried to take a selfie of Henry and me right here but couldn’t my face to relax so I looked like claymation, lol.

So Chooch took one and I look so dumb because I was on the precipice of more laughter. OMG my face hurts at the memory of all the laughing I did that day.

Then Chooch noticed that Henry had somehow acquired a walking stick too, and was complaining about it because Chooch is the only person in the world who can have walking sticks, so I said, “but he needs it for slaying vampires” except that it came out as, “HE NEEDS DGDDSDAUGDAUUDHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAOMGOWWWWWWWWW!!!!”

I can’t believe they didn’t push me in the lake.

Then we had to stop at the same Sheetz that got all 3 of my veggie wrap orders so that I could pee before my giddiness caused me to give birth to a pee-baby, and it occurred to me that it was the first time I peed in a Sheetz since before the pandemic and that was a weird thought.

***

Later that night, I tried to explain the vampire thing to Henry but I was laughing so hard all over again that I couldn’t breathe and then I started choking and Henry just stared at me.

What a great excursion! It almost felt like things were normal again. It also reminded me of when Chooch and I were so fucking giddy in Jongno and Henry was so angry haha.

I’m relaxing after spending some time in The Great Outdoors with my fam, so I thought, WOW WHAT A GREAT TIME TO WRITE ON MY BLOG. Last week was pretty OK and I have some photos to prove it, so…shall we? Literally, all of my week consists of is: work, cats, squirrels, exercise. Rinse, repeat. But I was able to scrounge up some other shit to memorialize, lucky you.

First, on Tuesday I got the new SHINee album in the mail (it arrived during my dreaded weekly work meeting so that was nice timing) and then later that day, I got a big box of delights from Olive Young – straight from Korea! They were having a big sale and I always justify buying extra in order to hit that free shipping sweet spot, lol.

OMG these almonds (well, not this flavor specifically, but the brand) are SO POPULAR in Korea. We maxed out on the honey butter flavor both times we were there and they were building an entire store for these almonds when we were there the second time! I hope we go back again because I want to go to that store and buy all the flavors. We brought back a bunch last time but IT WAS NOT ENOUGH. I don’t remember them having this baked corn flavor last time so I giddily added it to the cart and can now confirm that they are delicioso. (There’s actual dried corn kernals in the package too!)

But anyway, this SHINee photo book is absolute fucking art. I am in awe of the photography within these pages. I got the Onew photocard! My friend Nate was asking me about the album the other day at work and totally opened Pandora’s Box because I just started typing uncontrollably and then he Googled Onew I guess because he was happy to tell me that he and Onew are the same height. So then I shared with him one of their recent live performances of Heart Attack and he asked, “I bias his yellow sweater. Is that how that works?” LOL.

Of course the Taemin pages are my faves but can we take a moment to appreciate the beauty that is Onew? I  think if Taemin wasn’t in SHINee, Onew would be my bias. He is also disturbingly underrated as a vocalist.

The twin to my own bird photo!

It was sickeningly spring-esque on Wednesday, so Chooch and I went for a much-needed lunch break walk. The weather has just been so shitty this winter that I have not been motivated to go on lunch break walks and have instead been doing walking workouts in the house, or walking in place while watching TV. This makes me sad, because when we were working in the office pre-pandemic, there was very little that kept me at my desk for my lunch break. Granted, there were times when I came back sopping wet because my iPhone weather app lied to me and I left without an umbrella, but I always got my fucking steps in.

ANYWAY. We went to Muddy Cup which is a place we love to support because every one who works there is so wonderful and their coffee is fantastic, but more often than not they have been fucking up our orders lately. This last time, I didn’t realize I was overcharged until after we left – the owner added a $3 iced tea to our order! I was going to go back and tell her, but then I got distracted because some young guy zoomed past us on his bicycle, blasting “Head Over Heels” by Tears for Fears which made me shout, “I LOVE THAT SONG” and Chooch said, “Wow. I feel like I’m in an 80s movie” and then I was in a great mood and forgot all about the overcharging but now that I’m typing this and reliving the injustice, I’m getting angry again. Is it too late to go back and complain!?!? It’s been 5 days. Lol.

A few minutes later, we were walking past a bookstore and I always like to stop and call out all the books I’ve read because it infuriates Chooch, and that is when I noticed….

THIS BOOK CALLED “HEAD OVER HEELS”!!!!!

WHAT ARE THE ODDS?! WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?!

That I’m going to fall down a set of steps, probably.

In more consumer news, I finally took the plunge and bought a variety pack of this cereal that I kept getting ads for on Instagram. I went as far as adding them to my cart a few weeks ago but I am a very wishy washy online shopper in that I often need some sense of justification before completing a transaction. I don’t really buy much on a whim, which kind of goes against my Leo/bi-polar-ness. But then my friend Bridget mentioned this cereal on her IG stories last week and I was like BUT ARE THEY GOOD and she said she genuinely likes them and that was the push I needed. They arrived the other day and I am happy to report that this cereal REALLY IS GOOD. I mean, they’re not “AS GOOD” as the cereal brands they were created to replace, but they are just sweet enough without making you feel like you’re eating diet food, and because the protein count is so high, I am so satiated and not looking to lunch at 9:30am like I normally would be after having a bowl of regular cereal for breakfast.

I approve, and now I want to try the other flavors.

Also can we talk about how pleasing the packaging is!??!

Obligatory Penelope picture and BUDDY VIDEO!

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My eyes and brain are no longer teammates: I read that highlighted part up there as “a young girl eats potpourri out of her dead best friend.” This is where I am in life right now. Almost inspires me to start writing flash fiction again?

Have a happy weekend, everybody.

Not a whole lot happened, but some things did happen, and here are those things.

I started watching Ginny & Georgia on Netflix. I never heard of it until I saw it featured on Friday and I thought to myself, “OK I could go for some light family sitcom bullshit right about now” but wow that show had some dark moments! Anyway, I did that thing that I always do when I’m watching TV which is spend an absurd amount of time on IMDB and HOLY SHIT that show has a ton of Degrassi grads on it! So many that there is actually a BuzzFeed article about it?!

Then there is this one girl who was in one episode and at a glance she reminded me of someone, and then I finally realized it was the “girl from that Superman show. The new-ish one. The one that was on the WB or whatever…you know…..SMALLVILLE!” I screamed at Henry. Wow, that one almost gave me a stroke from all the mind-strain. So then of course I had to look up Smallville to find the name of the girl (Kristen Kreuk) because I wanted to see if they were related (they are not). THEN a few minutes later I was looking up another person from Ginny & Georgia and he was in a movie or show with….KRISTEN KREUK. Literally, this is a person who I haven’t thought of since I used to wear whatever those fake UGGs were called in the early 2000s and now she was coming up twice in 10 minutes, I was screaming.

Man, what were those fake UGGs called? I remember my friend Stacey made fun of me for wearing them because she said I didn’t seem like the type, but they were so comfortable to wear to haunted houses!!!

EMUs!! They were called EMUs, lololol.

AnyHOO, I binged that whole mothercheffin’ show over the weekend and have none regertz. NONE REGERTZ.

On one of Henry’s many trips to The Store, he came back with “toys” for Chooch and nothing for Drew and me. That wasn’t really a memorable moment but I liked this picture and wanted to INCLUDE IT IN THIS BLOG POST OK?

(In case you ever wondered, yes, I type EXTRA HARD AND ANGRY when I’m CAPSCREAMING.)

I don’t remember how it happened, but Henry and I ended up watching a “Top 100 Kpop Videos as of March 2021” video countdown on YouTube. We’ve watched these in the past – it just shows you a couple seconds of each video with stats at the bottom, like what number the video peaked at, what position it was in last month, etc. It’s really annoying now though because the more popular BTS gets, the more their psycho fans go back and stream every single video so they are ALL OVER these countdowns. (And Twice. And Blackpink.) Henry and I were getting so angry about it (especially considering these isn’t a single SHINee video on it anymore – don’t worry though, BIGBANG is still representing!) that you would have thought we were watching a sports thing if you had walked by because we were both standing up in front of the TV (wait, I think only Henry was, but I was lurched forward on the couch, high anxiety), SHOUTING OUR GUESSES and acting like true ridiculous dumbasses. When it got to the Top 10, I was screaming shit like, “IT BETTER NOT BE ALL BTS!” and Henry was like, “THERE WILL PROBABLY BE AT LEAST ONE MORE BLACKPINK!” and I started screaming all the BTS songs that hadn’t appeared yet and every single one of my guesses was in the Top 10 (BTS-wise) and that brought us to the #1 spot. I remembered that only the Hyuna version of Gangnam Style had appeared on the list thus far, so I yelled, “WAIT! IT COULD STILL BE PSY!”

AND THEN IT WAS!!! IT WAS PSY’S GANGNAM STYLE!!! Henry and I were screaming like the Pens just won the Stanley Cup, we were THAT happy it wasn’t BTS, lol.

However, seeing some of those older BTS videos made me yearn for their pre-Americanized era. I used to really like them so much! And I still have nothing against them, just their toxic fans.

Then Henry and I went to Target and talked about our old Riot Fest memories for some reason and then I couldn’t remember the name of the band La Dispute and spent the whole ride to Target and the entire time walking around Target trying to remember but all I could think of was the one song where he screams CAN I STILL GET INTO HEAVEN IF I KILL MYSELF and anyway, I clearly remembered at some point that it was La Dispute since I already said it. Try to keep up.

But man, we had some really good times at Riot Fest! Too bad it got shitty.

The next day, Henry was “at The Store” again and someone knocked on the door! I was scared!! But I thought maybe it was just HNC so I opened it cautiously. It was not HNC but some older Yinzer lady holding a CLIPBOARD. Oh boy. My favorite.  She was collecting signatures so her boss could be a judge or something, I don’t know, I’m a really bad listener. Her approach was very LOOK I DON’T WANT TO BE DOING THIS which is honestly something I could appreciate because I feel like that would be my lead-in too. I mean, she wasn’t asking for money or for me  to sign up for some fly-by-night utility company that would up forwarding my calls to a local tattoo parlor (this is a true story and the guy who owned that place was NOT HAPPY because this was back when I didn’t have a cell phone and people used to actually call my house a lot, see also: pre-Henry, when I had a life). While I was signing her dumb petition, she peered around me and in her thick smoker’s voice, she croaked, “WHOA YOU HAVE A REALLY COOL HOUSE. YOU REALLY DO!” and I was like “Wow thanks I’m so glad that the first person to see my DIY updates is some rando collecting signatures for her boss with a matchbook law degree. But still, I was happy that someone saw  it and liked it! However, she went next door after that,  to Blake’s, and I heard her says, “OH, AREN’T YOU A DOLL!” to one of Henry’s grandkids so now I’m not sure I can trust this lady’s opinion.

(J/k but they do sound like lil monstas on the other side of our wall lol.)

Henry was cleaning the bedroom and I was like LET ME SEE IF THERE ARE ANY CLOTHES THAT I CAN GET RID AWAY. Negative. I’m a clotheshorse. I love all of my clothes and will not part with them. However, I thought that maybe I could reorganize my dresser drawers since my method of putting away clothes is balling them up and punching them into an already-overstuffed drawer and then using the HIP-BUMP method to close it. So I dumped the first drawer out on the bed and Henry was like “here do it like this” and I thought that he would just DO IT FOR ME but sadly this story DOES NOT HAVE A FAIRY TALE ENDING because he only demonstrated on two shirts and then went back to his own stuff?!!?!? SO I HAD TO FOLD EVERYTHING MYSELF?? IT TOOK ALL DAY! (He said it was only an hour but this is *my* sob story not his, so.)

Then I wanted cauliflower pizza for dinner so that is what Henry made me:

And that was my weekend. It was OK! The weather was fairly decent I think but I can’t remember because it’s Thursday now and who cares.