I am happy to report that about 90% of the shit stowed away in the attic has been sorted / pitched / donated / neatly stored. It feels SO GOOD, like the biggest weight lifted off my shoulders. I finally, after 35 years, felt it was the right time to throw out the boxes of penpal letters I’ve been, let’s face it, HOARDING. I did keep some from various prisoners, strictly for the LOLs, and I considered keeping the ones from ALISHA OLMSTEAD but after she SNUBBED me on Facebook several years when I sent her a message like HI WE WERE PENPALS ALL THROUGH MIDDLE SCHOOL AND HIGH SCHOOL AND HAD A WRITING CLUB TOGETHER AND MADE SLAM BOOKS FOR EACH OTHER HOW COULD YOU FORGET ME I felt there was no reason to hang on to those, since most of them were probably just her gushing over JONATHAN BRANDIS AND CHRISTIAN BALE anyway. (Newsies and Ladybugs were here favorite movies, lol ok.)

I even threw out photos of bad times, bad people. Typically, I would keep everything like this because I am a memory pack rat, but pictures of Psycho Mike got ripped up, a picture of me at McCoys sandwiched by two QUEEN CUNTS who I wouldn’t care at all if I found out they were dead sorry but that’s real talk also got thrown out but now I wished I had ceremonially set it aflame first. Oh well.

A card from Christina – bye bye.

A weird ass letter written to a still in utero Chooch from a crazy lady from Philly who I knew from LJ – balled up and slam-dunked into the garbage bag.

It was cathartic. Like being reborn. I am ready for this new era.

Anyway, there were tons of things from my past that were unearthed and definitely are staying, some of these things I’m even going to keep out instead of hiding away in a box.
I found this peeled apart Polaroid of my best doggo Dazee and me from what appears to be 1995. First of all, LOVE THAT LOOK ON ME LOL. I’m pretty sure I also lined my lips like a fool back then too. Also, I went through a weird red hair phase – not ginger but like maroon somehow??

I just know that my mom HATED it haha.

Ugh but man, my old bedroom, how I miss thee. Also, you can blame my mom for my persistent itch to spray-paint every piece of furniture that crosses my threshold. She started it by spray-painting my bedroom set purple and yello!

I’m not kidding when I say that in one fell swoop, I pulled four of the most life-changing books out of a box. These four books are forever favorites, I can look at each of them and be transported to very specific eras of my most formative years, right down to where I was when I was reading some of them.

For instance, I still lived in South Park when I read Wait Until Helen Comes and it terrified me. Both Ghost Story and the Sins of Rachel Ellis were books I found in my Pappap’s house, presumably either my mom’s or aunt’s when they were young: Rachel Ellis is probably why I ended up with an old guy, and I have a VERY SPECIFIC MEMORY of reading part of Ghost Story when I was in high school, sitting in the living room which we rarely used, home alone on a bright, sunny summer day, and getting full-body chills because this book scared me so much. Peter Straub quickly became one of my faves after that and I have always wanted to re-read this one but am so worried that I won’t like it as much now that I’m older and rarely affected by a horror novel.

And The Westing Game taught me to put bourbon on a toothache. Literally one of the greatest books of all time. I suggested that Chooch read it for a book report in grade school and as much as he wanted to NAYSAY, he admitted that it was fucking fantastic. Just one of the best books ever and all kids should experience it.

Then Henry found a leftover invitation from Chooch’s 1st birthday!! 

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Henry and I worked so hard on those and I don’t regret it at all. Best Son only turned one once, after all!

We are so close to being done with the attic space.

I will share more photos of the progress later this week but for now, here’s Drew timidly venturing up there for the first time since this overhaul began and seeing THE DEADLY DISCO BALL OMG.

On that note, I have to go. I finished my rewatch of Laguna Beach (I can honestly say that I appreciate Kristin so much more now that I’m an adult LOL as if I wasn’t already a grown up whenever this show originally aired too but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN) and am now onto my first ever rewatch of the Hills, as well as the Whitey Port reaction videos (hat tip to Megan for suggesting those!).

Man, I miss this era of TV a lot a lot a lot.

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Saturday night. Sitting on a heating pad because I hurt my back exercising. Made some progress in the attic before that. Will it ever get done? Who can be sure.

Today was actually pretty annoying. I’m pms’ing a little and have less patience than usual.

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Billy, we got some straight up JAMS to listen to together today. During my work day, I tend to put on “retro synth” playlists on YouTube. Most of it is instrumental which is good for me because I need to con-cen-trate on what I’m doing or I will get yelled at.

Probably not, but maybe. You never know. A passive aggressive call-out, at the very least.

Anyway, I need to have background music on to block out the perpetually shrieking children next door, but if I play kpop, then I get way too into plus my ears will start subconsciously perking up every time I hear a word that I recognize and then I feel compelled to look up the lyrics to see if I was correct, and it’s just a whole thing that will deter me from the work at hand for a solid 10 or 20 or sometimes longer if I’m at that point inspired to get up and see if Give Me Five Thailand also has a cardio workout to the subject song.

See what I mean? I can’t Kpop and review engagement letters at the same time.

But synth is wonderful because it puts me in a very relaxed, comfortable zone. HOWEVER, every so often, a song with vocals will pop on that stops me dead. Here are some of the recent ones that I have been fully fucking with.

And this last one especially made me call out HENRY BRING ME MY ROLLER SKATES. It has become a sensation at work, too! Even GLENN liked it!

This is bigly inspiring me to want to have a party.

OK, it’s Friday night. An exceptionally annoying work week is officially behind me. Your girl is about to drink some wine and make a playlist for a party I will probably never actually move forward with because I am lazy and constantly distracted but at least I’ll have a sick playlist.

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January was such a fantastic reading month for me. I can’t even get over it. It reinstated my bibliophile status, I think. Revived my love for BOOKSBOOKSBOOKS. Basically, I quit listening to Booktube. I pulled from various Best of 2022 lists from reliable sources like Time, etc. I think where I was being led astray with Booktube is that I was watching these channels because I liked the personalities, but then I started to realize eventually that my tastes just didn’t align with most of them. Like, I love Kayla from Booksandlala but what she considers horror and I what I consider horror are very different.  I have also found that I gravitate more towards literary fiction and less towards the magical realism shit that she is obsessed with.

Anyway, who cares. Here are the books I read in January, all 14 of them! They were mostly all 4 and 5 stars, maybe one or two 3-3.5 in there.

1. Iona Iverson’s Rules for Commuting – Clare Pooley

Right off the bat – five star read. This book has humor, humanity, and the found family trope that I love so hard. Most of it takes place on a train / subway where a group of passengers become forced to interact with each other after one of them nearly chokes to death.  It mostly centers around Iona, a sort of “washed-up” socialite whose current employer at a magazine is beginning to find her to be irrelevant. Iona has a very strong, abrasive personality that makes the other passengers either despise her or admire her. I adored her. I adored all of them. I am crying right now as I remember how fucking precious this book is and how much it almost made me miss taking the T to work because now I want to actually strike up conversations with the regulars who I used to see every day and assign monikers to based on their fashion choices or whatever.

Well, anyway, this book made my heart grow a size or four. Then I’m sure I had the sound of a child screaming and it immediately shrunk again.

2. Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow – Gabrielle Zevin

Baby, believe the hype. Solid five stars and I am still thinking about it and getting choked up. I have read from  this author once before and genuinely liked it so I was excited to get into this one. However, and I don’t think this is just me because I read other raving reviews that agree, this book starts out slow. Like, not BAD, but knowing that this was on so many Best of 2022 lists, I was confused and really wondering if I was missing something. But then before I had a chance to DNF out of spite (I WON’T LIKE YOUR FAVORITE BOOK, AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME), it hooked me. I can’t explain it, because this book is basically about two childhood friends who meet again when they’re in college (different colleges, same city) and decide to make a video game together.

The characters, their relationships, the blurred lines, their history…it was all so perfectly executed. There is a HUGE TRIGGER WARNING – I don’t want to spoil this book for anyone so you might want to look it up but there is a big traumatic thing that happens, and it wrecked me. I mean, I felt like I was being scooped raw by a melon baller, the pain was real. This will definitely end up being one of the best books I read this year, no cap or whatever Those Kids say.

P.S. Henry also read it and loved it, but he claims he didn’t cry. I mean, I SOBBED.

3. The Hero of This Book – Elizabeth McCracken

Sweet and oftentimes LOL funny, is this a memoir or fiction? Either way – it was a lovely read. 4 stars.

4. Vladimir – Julia May Jonas

This was a TRIP. The writing was so fresh, the characters beautifully-flawed. I laughed out loud numerous and could clearly hear the protagonist in my head, but my favorite part was the fact that Chooch had to pick this up from the library for me haha.

Anyway, 4.5 stars. Loved it and if this was Jonas’s debut novel, then I cannot fucking wait to read the next one.

5. Twenty Years Later – Charlie Donlea

This was recommended to me by my friend Eve – THANK YOU! What a unique thriller! Part of the plot revolves around an unsolved murder, the suspect of which is presumed dead after being in the WTC on the morning of 9/11. The other part follows a TV personality in present day, who resurrects this cold case while also trying to hide from her own unsavory past. I needed a good thriller, and this was it. 4 stars! Didn’t see the twist coming. (Either one!)

6. The Book of Goose – Yiyun Li

What an elegantly written, intriguing story of a childhood friendship between two girls living in rural postwar France. Honestly, Fabienne was a bit of a cunt and I wanted Agnes to haul back and clock her. But yeah, if you’re in the mood for something beautiful and literary, try this one – it’s another 4 star for me, fam.

7. Bad Dolls – Rachel Harrison

You know I tend to SORRY NEXT when it comes to short story collections, but I had to exception for Rachel Harrison, I just love her so. There were 4 stories in, one was a 3-star, 2 were 4-stars, and one 5-star about a bachelorette weekend. One of the 4-star stories was a SUPER RELATABLE tale about a savage diet app that actually had me wishing it was real because sometimes a bitch be desperate.

This was a fantastic, quick read and just what I needed  – something fun that I could listen to while taking my frigid winter morning walks. 4.5 stars overall (is that how averages work!?!?).

8. Perfect – L.A. Kessler

This one was also an audiobook, and I chose it in a whim through Scribd. I just needed something to listen to for when I walk and nothing was really looking too compelling to me. I haven’t heard of this author or this book before. It was fine! It was entertaining for sure but, and maybe this was because of the narrator, it kind of had a Christopher Pike feel to it, especially the scenes were people are killed. It’s like, “Oh OK, this person is dead now, moving right along.” Like I would have read this SO HARD in 9th grade and thought it was the coolest book ever.

It was actually pretty creepy, I’ll give it that much. Will I read the rest of the trilogy, probably not, doc.

9. Sophie Go’s Lonely Hearts Club – Roselle Lim

I was so close to DNF’ing this. I just could not connect with it and picking it up had become a real drag. But, just when I was telling myself, “Finish this chapter and then call it,” something changed. I can’t pinpoint it, it probably was a me-problem, something with my attitude, but I was suddenly ON BOARD and then the rest of the book was just a sheer delight (ok that’s not true, it had some sincere sad moments and the main character’s strained relationship with her mom stressed me out bigly). I also loved the tiny sprinkling of magical realism that was involved in that Sophie, a professional matchmaker, could see ribbons attached to peoples’ hearts and knew when there was a love connection by the way ribbons would react when two people were near each other.

Sophie moves into a new apartment building and immediately targets a group of elderly men, called the Old Ducks, as potential clients. Each Old Duck is adorable, even the one who is super grouchy. ESPECIALLY the one who is super grouchy – I actually pictured him as Glenn throughout the entire book. The Old Ducks and the FOOD were the real stars of this book.

4 stars, glad I gave it a chance! (I think this is another one that Eve suggested, so thank you, friend!)

10. All This Could Be Different – Sarah Thankam Mathews

Solid four stars, but dayum did it give me anxiety. There is A LOT going on here but in general, books about young adults out in the real world, trying to stay afloat and not perish financially, emotionally, and mortally, really makes me sweat. Our main character S is actually not very likeable but hoo boy did I feel for her. Her parents are back in India after her father takes the fall for a crime, leaving S behind in America as a teenager. Now she is out of college, being strung along by a boss who promises to sponsor her for citizenship, living rent-free in an apartment above the racist property manager who makes her life hell (this is where I was REALLY secondhand misery), becomes obsessed with and eventually starts a relationship with a girl she sees in a hardware store, but in the midst of all of this she is also developing beautiful precious friendships with some people who become her family. Love me a found family saga!!!

I can’t explain this book as well as it deserves, but I really fucking loved it and couldn’t wait to pick it back up every time I put it down.

11. Britt-Marie Was Here – Fredrik Backman 

My least favorite Backman book, but still better than most books I’ve read – that should tell you something. He has definitely become one of my favorite authors at this point. The way he crafts his characters! The dialogue! The SUPER DIFFICULT BUT LOVEABLE protagonists. The way he makes you want to live in a small town! From the telephone check-ins Britt-Marie forces upon a girl at the unemployment office to the begrudging companionship to finds in a rat, to the character in  wheelchair known solely as “Somebody,” to SAMI <3. This book gave me so much to think about, so much to love. 4.5 stars.

12. Signal Fires – Dani Shapiro 

Five stars, and I’m not ready to talk about this, I’m sorry. It got me good. Tears, lots. I love you, Ben Wilf.

;(

13. The Me You Love in the Dark – Skottie Young / Jorge Corona (art)

Finally, a graphic novel/comic that I actually liked! The story was decent but the art was excellent. Artist moves into a haunted house, becomes close to the ghost that haunts it. 3.75 stars.

14. Kindred – Octavia Butler

I want to read more classics this year and this was an excellent start. I don’t really think it needs much introduction, and I’m just sorry it took me so long to read it because it was brilliant. This book is obviously a classic for a reason, extremely intense, emotional and throught-provoking. I wish I had been required to read it in high school, to be honest. Solid 5 stars, everyone should read this once in their lifetime.

***

k, bye!

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You know how when you reach the levels of STRESSED THE FUCK OUT that you can hear your blood bubbling? That’s where I am this week. To calm down, I opened up my blog archives and allowed myself to get deep down into my Korea-feels. I love the photos in this post so much and wanted to post it again, also because I am too stressed and irritated to construct new content, even the shitty, bare-minimum kind that you’ve come to expect here. I think this is now the THIRD time I have reposted this since 2018 but I D G A F. MY BLOG MY RULES. WAH.

We woke up early on a Saturday morning and set off for some palace-touring. As I mentioned previously, our hotel was in a great location, and we were able to walk to several of the Five Grand Palaces of Seoul! Probably would have been a faster/easier walk if we weren’t following Henry’s lead, but….as Henry said, “WE GOT THERE, DIDN’T WE?!”

Wow, tough guy.

I wanted to start with Gyeongbokgung Palace first, but Henry was all, “my way or the highway” or some other Dad-ism, so we went to Changdeokgung Palace first.

I know, it’s hard to keep the names straight! But the one that starts with a G is like, the most popular one, I guess.

In hindsight though, our crazy walks are something I look back on now and laugh about. I miss it! We saw a lot of crazy shit this way and it reaffirmed that we definitely were better suited sans itinerary. As much as I loved the European adventures I went on as a kid with my family, it was so much better not to be tied down to a group agenda and panicking every day because you’re close to missing bus call.

For this trip, we had a list of things we wanted to do, and we played it by ear. Sometimes we didn’t know what we were doing until after we woke up that morning! It was slightly stressful for me at times because I’m an undercover control freak, but I quickly learned to just go with it and maybe that’s why we managed to make it through our Korea pilgrimage with minimal fighting.

Donhwamun Gate, the largest of all palace gates. Get on Donhwamun’s level, other gates. 

According to Wiki, this Palace literally translates to “Prospering Virtue Palace.” It was the second palace to be established after Gyeongbokgung, which is the one I wanted to see first but that’s OK Henry, fuck up the chronological order!

The original palace was built between 1405-1412 but burnt down during the Japanese invasion in 1592 and again in 1623 but each time it was rebuilt, and the reconstruction remained true to its original form. It’s incredibly humbling and sobering to be walking around grounds filled with so much history and tragedy.

Chooch might have a future as a Walmart greeter, you guys.

We got there early enough that it wasn’t flooded with tourists yet. Look at the mountain peeking out back there! I believe that’s part of Mt. Bugaksan. One of the things I didn’t know about Korea until I started marinating in a KOREA 101 bath is that Korea is like, 70% mountains! And almost everywhere you go in Seoul, you can see them. It’s one of the things I loved so much about this city, that no matter how urban and cosmopolitan it feels in one direction, if you pivot another way, you’ve got a mountain looming over you, or a Palace’s ancient presence behind you. Seoul has everything. Seoul IS everything.

Injeongjeon Hall

This is the throne hall, where all The Big Events took place back in the day, like coronations and poisonings probably.

This is the inside of Injeongjeon Hall.

I bet lots of scary people have mingled under those chandeliers.

And now please enjoy some gratuitous spring flower shots:

The spring buds were like celebs, man. There were some cherry blossoms that you couldn’t get anywhere near because of the throng of older people with their tripods and huge lenses.

It was so deserted in this area that I was afraid we weren’t supposed to be there. Those trees though.

I was so glad that Chooch got to experience all this history! He was really into it.

This was before ancient Korean spirits possessed Chooch and me and gave us the ability to lacerate Henry’s feelings with our hunger-driven words.

Because we would never normally be mean to Henry.

Lol.

I had to go for my annual wellness test this morning at work, and when the lab tech was getting ready to take my blood pressure, he said, “Just think about things that make you happy.” And immediately, in my mind, I was walking the peaceful grounds of Changdeokgung again.

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