Henry must really love me because he won this super fly fucking phenomenal piece of 1980’s shit for me on Ebay. He must have known that the production of my thirtieth birthday party would certainly have to be halted if I didn’t have the perfect prom dress to wear. I feel like this dress needs to send a telegram to Uggs, demanding its name back. The only way it could be any uglier (aside from the fact that it will have a one Erin Appledale sausaged into it) would be if I wore it WITH Uggs.Seriously, someone originally paid $230 for this slipshod collage of metallic taffeta and lace.
Yes, my birthday is in July and yes planning has already begun. It is going to be big because I’m tired of having sad and pathetic birthdays and everyone is invited. There will be tombstone cookies! THERE WILL BE (MIGHT BE) A PHOTO BOOTH! THERE WILL BE BLOOD!