Oct 082015
 

Nearly every day, I spend my hour-long lunch break walking aimlessly around the city. So today, I decided to take my three blog readers with me on AN OFFICIAL WALKING TOUR OF PITTSBURGH.

First, let’s walk out of my building and go a direction.

Here you will see a FLORIST where I spent approximately 5 seconds asking if they sell succulents and then they were like, “Haha, no” and I was like, “GO FUCK YOURSELF AND YOUR ORDINARY PLANTS THEN!” and smashed a flower pot into the floor on my way out. Fuck those people.

Church. I think this is the one where I participated in some spirit conjuring?

Sometimes, there are birds.

Here, we pause to call Henry, who is spitting a haughty diatribe about being signed up for a Pittsburgh blogger holiday cookie swap when he’s not even through with the pie party yet. Then we hang up on him because he is boring us.

Like, the old jail or something.

None of these are where I work.

A lamp post.

Oh, OK.

Yinzer Haute Couture.

Halloween shit in SW Randall’s window. I took this right after some guy popped his head out of the Weiner World ordering window and screamed “HOW YOU DOIN!?” to me right when I was about to take a picture and then I felt TOO SPOOKED so I ran away.

A mural. If those A Beautiful Mess bitches ever come to Pittsburgh,  $20 says they pigeon-toe all over this fucking mural.

HALT! Huge tourist attraction right here. This is the Army Navy store that sold some madman the machete he would then use to hack a motherfucker!

Then you’ll walk down a street and these things are there looking all big and stony. Photo-op, probably.

Spoiler alert: pumpkin everything.

 

Weird, light-up fountain pathway thing: the only redeemable part of our eyesore of a convention center. That building can get fucked. Seriously.

Here is a relic of something that I don’t think is there anymore, and here’s why: I can’t find an entrance. Unless it’s some Diagon Alley bullshit and I just don’t know the secret.

And then let’s go down the alley that has all the weird shit in it. (Non-people-wise, I mean.)

And whatever this thing is.

Maybe next week I’ll show you the more urine-scented parts of town and then you won’t ever have to come to Pittsburgh. Yay!

  2 Responses to “A Real Life Pittsburgh Walking Tour”

  1. Plot twist: Mr. Bobo IS Death. You can’t escape yourself, Mr. Bobo.

  2. “A mural. If those A Beautiful Mess bitches ever come to Pittsburgh, $20 says they pigeon-toe all over this fucking mural.”

    Right about there is where I started cracking up.

    Seriously, as always these are beautiful pictures. I love the way you manage to find beauty in absolutely everything around you. Please do keep taking Pittsburgh photos.

Choose Your Words Carefully

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.