Dec 042017
 

The third annual lighting of Trudy took place Saturday night and oh it was a grand event. A real holiday hoedown. A real fucking festive fright.

Ok it was just a normal Saturday night except with mannequin-dressing. So…still not that far out of the norm for us.

Janna came over too and brought some cranberry cider and then Henry had to go and buy lights at 8:30 at night because I told him we needed new ones that morning but he chose to argue with me about it instead AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT HIM: going to Lowe’s at 8:30 on a Saturday night.

He came home with a bag of peppermint marshmallows and was so smug about it for some reason. No one wants your dumb marshmallows!

Above, please find a video of Henry struggling to untangle lights that I was in charge of putting away last year OOPS.

This year, Trudy expressed interest in wearing a gas mask as a political statement and luckily we had laying on the floor because we’re just that kind of house, but I tried to soften her look with my treasured G-Dragon light-up crown.

(DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT I SAW G-DRAGON LAST JULY ON MY BIRTHDAY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?)

At one point, Chooch disappeared. I called out for him to tell me what he was doing and he screamed back to me from upstairs: “You’ll see!” I had chills, you guys.

Apparently, he was assembling what he felt was a great “Pregnant Appalachian” assemble and then treated us to some bizarre skit about hating his baby and the baby daddy and needing smokes….?! And then he “gave birth” which was really scary and I started questioning my lucidity.

I was actually kind of terrified of his performance. Especially after he put on a zombie mask and tried to murder his baby with an ax.

Janna puts up with a lot when she comes over. At one point she said she was having flashbacks to hanging out at my house in high school which was PANDEMONIUM, ALWAYS. Someone was usually running around with a knife while the dogs were barking and my mom was yelling, “PLEASE STOP BEFORE SOMEONE DIES” and my little brothers were swearing worse than mobsters and I was playing with fire….it’s basically the same thing here except I’m 20 years older and don’t have a dog and instead of two little brothers I have one crazy son and it’s not my mom yelling, it’s Henry.

And instead of making Janna watch a VHS compilation of Bone Thugs n’ Harmony videos and VMA performances, I put on YouTube and made her watch MAMA 2017 award show performances and a compilation of Taemin eating.

This is apparently a fetish of mine, watching pretty Korean boys eating. I’ll admit it. At this stage of the game, Henry is just like, “Whatever it takes.”

Me, raging while scrolling through YouTube: How are you going to make a “Taemin cute faces” compilation and then only have it be 58 seconds long??

Henry & Janna, telepathically to each other probably: Are we in Hell?

Some things don’t change, you guys. I’m basically still 15.

***

The next day, Calvin came over and got to meet Trudy for the first time! He was not impressed.

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