May 242011

I know, thank god! A sea monkey post! Trust me, even though no one actually came right out and asked it, I could practically sense the global panic when people would come to the good old blog and find NO SEA MONKEY UPDATES OMG.

They’re alive! In fact, two of them have been furiously mating. I found that peeping on them all night at work kept my nerves tempered. Otherwise, it was a pretty agitating work night full of shouting, Facebook snubbing* and loud conversations about snapping turtles.

(*Sandy and I sent one of our co-workers a friend request on Friday and he has not confirmed us! We even mentioned it to him and he played the Facebook Ambivalence card but PROMISED that he would go home and confirm us post haste. It is now Tuesday and my friend count is still at 346. I decided I was going to give him the cold shoulder but Sandy felt he wasn’t going to notice that I went from not having casual conversation with him to…not having casual conversation with him. I see her point.)

In other news, our friend Bill called me today and invited us to join him and Jessi at his time share in Gatlinburg, TN this summer! At first, I was like, “Oh. Tennessee.” All I really know about Tennessee is that Arrested Development wrote a peppy little tune about it. That song is also as close as I get to a game of horseshoes. But Bill said there is a ton of kitschy tourist traps in town and urged me to Google that shit.

So I did and OH MY GOD, I’M GOING TO TENNESSEE, YA’LL! I didn’t know that’s where motherfucking DOLLYWOOD is!

“You want to go to Dollywood?” Barb asked, all full of skepticism when I was gushing about this at work today.

“Barb, it has roller coasters. I’d go to Sarah Palinwood if it had roller coasters.” There was a moment of silence, and then we both laughed. I’d rather buy my own rape kit.

I spent a good portion of my night at work on various tourist sites and Roadside America. You can bet your ass I’M going to Christ in the (motherfucking) Smokies. Henry said I’ll be going by myself. THAT’S OK. I need to see life-sized Jesus shit.

And to think we almost got roped into going to the lame beach with another couple (a story for another day). A lame beach with no Titantic Museum and NO BOARDWALK = NO THANKS.

  15 Responses to “Boning Sea Monkeys & Tennessee”

  1. I love me some Gatlinburg. Of course, Eric is a poop and thinks it’s just a tourist trap. I’m like, duh! That’s what makes it rule so hard.

  2. Come to California sometime. I’ll kick one of the kids out of their room for you. We have a SUNDIAL BRIDGE ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh .

    • I want to come to California so bad! I’ve only been there once, in 2004 for Coachella. We stayed in San Bernadino and didn’t really get to do much other than Coachella, fight, count the feral cats that lived in the motel we stayed at, and there was some dinosaur thingie that was like the one in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. (Maybe it was the same one? I don’t know!)

      • It might have been the same one. The one from Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure is in Cabazon, which is kinda in that area.

  3. That’s so cool!!!

  4. This post is all sorts of awesome. I can safely say this is the first time I’ve ever seen sea monkeys sexing it up.

    • They’ve been going at it for awhile! And one of the other sea monkeys keeps trying to break them up. (This is what I do every night at work – stare at my sea monkeys.)

  5. It’s a humungous tourist trap, only second to Pigeon Forge, which I’m sure you’ll make Henry stop in.
    Go to the Ripley’s Aquarium in Gatlinburg – it was the only redeeming thing on our trip there for my MIL’s wedding two years ago.

  6. I could never go to that Christ in the Smokies place. I’d offend way too many people with my atheist stares of hate and snorts of derision. Same reason I refuse to go into a church service.

  7. I’m so freaking jealous youre gonna go to Dollywood!!!

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