Oct 042011


I set up my Killer’s office yesterday at work to a mixed bag. Some people loved it, some people were seriously repulsed (but commended me on it), some people didn’t get it, and one person mumbled, “I hate Halloween.”

But the greatest reward was that one of the analysts who never really talks much, to me or anyone, lingered by my desk to take it all in and actually showed emotion. I think it was the longest interaction we ever had.

The first thing you see when you walk down the hall is the pig mask propped on top of my closet thing. My boss stopped by last night to say goodnight and laughed heartily at it. “That’s perfect!” she shouted. Wait until you see the rest, I thought as I smiled nervously. I guess I’ll find out what she thinks today.

Aside from the pig mask, it’s fairly subtle. Yes, I have my desk covered with blood-splattered plastic, but nothing’s really in-your-face. You have to stop and really look. My favorite is the page from a used car catalog that has an Econoline van for sale, which I circled with blood.

I found a handful of old photos of my mom and aunt* from the 70s and several old Polaroids of some of my friends* from when we were teenagers, so I’m using those as my victim collection. I thought having actual photos would be scarier than just writing a list of names under a “Victim” heading. There’s a map of a random residential area which I hung up and as it gets closer to the end of the month, more and more victim photos will be taped up next to it with red lines drawn to the street where they were taken.

(* Susie and Christy, if you’re reading this—you’re two of the victims!)


Thank god I made Henry keep his old Weiss Meats coveralls (the ones that made him resemble Michael Myers and in turn made me like him; I’m sure he rues those coveralls now), because they add a nice touch, peeking out from my desk closet with a bone protruding from the pocket.

One of my co-workers came trolling past last night, stopped in her tracks when she saw the pig mask, and shot me a super condescending, “O-kaaaaaayyyyyy?” Then she hovered around my desk, inspecting all the details with this fucking “not impressed” smirk on her face and it put me in such a foul mood. I can’t wait to see the folk art she’s going to shit all over her desk. If she doesn’t have at least one pumpkin wearing a Leprechaun hat, I’ll write something nice about Katy Perry.

Today I need to find an old curtain or something that I can cut and hang up as a backdrop because it’s way too white in there. I need something that will give it a seedier ambiance.

Once I have it all complete, I’ll take real photos.

Also, how wonderful that this coincides perfectly with employee evaluations.

  10 Responses to “Halloween Desk: Day One”

  1. I love it! Wish I could come in and see it.

  2. I think your “victim map” idea is the ultimate coup de grâce! Anyone who smirks condescendingly at your magnificent display should have their mugshot unceremoniously added to same! :-D

    • Thanks, Casey!

      I’m trying to enjoy it while I can, because it might not be here much longer. Apparently, some sour puss has been telling other people that this is a hostile work environment and she hates Halloween and shouldn’t have to look at this shit. I’m not sure if she whined to the boss yet, but that’s all it will take. It’s a shame, because it was giving me things to talk about with some of my co-workers whom I don’t interact with very often.

      Oh well, there’s always that one.

  3. Freaking AWESOME! I can’t wait to see the final product.

  4. This is awesome!

  5. Wow! You really went all out.

  6. I think I saw Christy’s pic in a later post. What mug shot for my victim pose??

    • I have two of you because you look different in both of them: the one is you standing next to a horse that has two kids on it, and the other is your famous Farrah Fawcett headshot! I randomly had them in an old photo album, along with one of my mom from back when she had that super long hair.

  7. LOL. I saw the one with the horse but had no idea that was me. Who are the kids? Didnt see the FF shot, a little scared about that one.

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