This will primarily just be a photo-dump because we are in the throes of college move-in day prep and I can’t focus, as evidenced by the myriad screenshots that Henry sent me of yesterday’s post with typos circled by him.

Thoughts on this:

• Total sadness that Henry is the one catching my typos. Henry. Let this sink in.
• Some of my typos weren’t even misspellings but actual bizarre syntax clusterfucks that I truly have no idea what part of my brain I was visiting to bring back these crazy-ass ESL souvenirs.
• Love that the emails that are sent out when I post include the entire post so that all of my mistakes can live on in perpetuity even if I fix them on the website. Not that many / any people read it but still, that makes me uncomfy. I think Henry fixed the settings finally after I have been lamenting this for the last 10 years.

Moving on.

I was pleasantly surprised at how expansive this section of the park was. A cute little walking trail that took you from one fairy tale house to the next.

This was me after a solid one minute of struggling to get on this stupid chair.

GOALS.

Some of the houses had characters waiting outside to give you HANDSTAMPS. We of course weren’t aware of this at the beginning and missed a few and I guess no one bothered to clue us in since we aren’t CHILDREN.

That, my friends, is discrimination.

This was the moment that Chooch realized that “crown” means “head” in this context.

“So…Jack literally broke…his HEAD?”

Nursery rhymes are so dark.

Chooch barely fit inside any of the houses.

I felt obligated to take this picture as Snow White told us the names of all her dwarves.

Lol.

Here’s the aforementioned Snow White after she LEFT HER POST and incoming children were screaming for her, lol.

Definitely not the best Humpty Dumpty.

“Where are all these kids getting suckers?” I asked for the 48th time, fixated on the promise of free candy.

(REMEMBER WHEN THAT WAS BROOKS ORPIK’S NICKNAME WHEN HE WAS A PGH PENGUIN???)

“I don’t know,” Chooch mumbled, never taking his eyes off his phone because he’s back in that Geocaching life. “Over by the pirate ship I think.

So then this happened:

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Literally, Henry had to yell at him to do it because he was sick of me crying over the fact that I never got a Dum Dum and he just wanted, at that point, me to have a Dum Dum in my mouth to quiet me.

YAY.

This was the grand finale, I guess. Some castle thing.

Chooch was in line to pull the sword out of the stone, but parents kept encouraging their brats to cut in front of him which was insulting. This was the only time all day where I was getting angry at the people around me.

ME TOO! (If you look closely, you can see the Dum Dum jutting out of my mouth haha.)

Well, that’s it for Idlewild. Maybe one day I will have a grandkid to take here, but otherwise, I can’t imagine we will ever go back. (UNLESS THEY GET AN RMC FAMILY COASTER???)

Would you believe that I was born and raised in Pittsburgh but have never been to Idlewild Park until my FORTY-FIFTH YEAR OF LIFE?! I have no idea why my family never went here when my sibs and I were growing up – it’s only an hour away and it’s the sister park to Kennywood and apparently, at least this year, it has the distinction of being the “best children’s park in the US.” LET ME BE THE JUDGE OF THAT, THANKS.

A really fun fact that I would be remiss to mention is that I actually could have gone here in my early twenties, pre-Chooch, when Henry’s mom organized an Idlewild outing for the WHOLE FAMILY (Henry and his kids, and his sister and her family) but I was still the outlier, the homewrecker, etc. at that time so I was not invited and instead stayed home by myself, crying, getting drunk off of Manischevitz (classy), and taking depressing goth-centric photos of myself on my digital point-and-shoot cam because this was 2002 after all. I don’t think MySpace was around yet, but LiveJournal certainly was and I would bet everything in my Cure collection that I posted those pics on there in modern “lady on a fainting couch” fashion.

Anyway, this is where we chose to go on Labor Day because Henry put his foot down when I begged to go away for the weekend.

After Henry blew a gasket in the parking lot because as usual he chose the wrong lane to get into and the person in front of required an exorbitant level of assistance, like, was the parking booth attendant guy spoon-feeding him porridge too?! And then when it was finally our turn, the attendant held his hand out of the booth to stop us because some DILDO DAD drove through the parking entrance, PARKED, and then WALKED OVER TO THE BOOTH TO PAY. Bro, that is not how this works! So yeah, Henry was spitting speckles of hatred all over the windshield and instead of being on his side, this just made me angry because I am generally disgusted when Henry gets mad and starts complaining loudly about stupid things. So, that’s how our nice family day at a little kid amusement park started, lol.

First up (after Henry had to pee of course and I admired cutie squirrels) was Rollo Coaster which was nice and docile, a really great intro to the coaster world for young kids.  The ride op was like “I WANT TO GO TO THAT PARK -THEIR WILD MOUSE IS TALLER THAN OURS” as he was checking my seat belt and I had no idea what he was going on about until I remembered that I was wearing my Shivering Timbers shirt from Michigan’s Adventure.

(P.S. The aforementioned Wild Mouse was CLOSED FOR THE SEASON for refurb so this was the only credit available for Chooch on this visit UGH.)

Then it was #carouselfie time! Chooch was chagrinned because it was his turn to take it and this is one of his least favorite things in life but JUST WAIT UNTIL HE’S LIVING AWAY FROM MOMMY AND DADDY and then I bet he will start to appreciate these little, dorky traditions. RIGHT??

This was a huge step up from that dumpy carousel at Camden, that’s for sure.

This is definitely the one that will be framed and hung on the #carouselfie wall!

After this, we walked across a bridge to the little-little kid area.

We rode the train! There was DRAMA. When the train made it to one of the stations and stopped in order to let people off and new people get on, this man pictured below in the gray WV shirt tried to walk past the caboose. “Whoa, you can’t go back there!” the train attendant, also pictured below, said.

“I dropped my hat back there, I’m just going to go and grab it,” he said it, attempting to shoulder past the old man.

“That’s restricted area! I can’t let you go back there!” the old Idlewild guy reiterated, which made the WV Dad belligerent.

“I just need to grab a hat! YOU CAN SEE IT FROM HERE!” he shouted, jabbing an aggravated finger toward a plot of grass next to the train tracks.

This went on for quite some time while the train guy was trying to get everyone off and on the train. He kept saying he would get it for him, but to please be patient. Now WV Dad’s wife was turning around in her seat toward the middle of the train (what was the rush – they were staying on the train anyway!!) to see what was going on and WV Dad literally (LITERALLY!!) said loudly, “Sorry, I’m not ‘allowed’ to get the hat. I’m getting yelled at.”

To which the train guy snapped back in an exhausted, resigned tone, “I’m not yelling at you, I’m just saying that I can’t let you go back there. We have a procedure that needs to be followed.”

It was actually the epitome of second-hand embarrassment. The way this guy was acting SO PUT OUT over being told he had to FOLLOW THE RULES. Jesus Christ.

Ofc I have a video:

He “lost” his seat because people coming on the train took it and that was another crisis. The way he snatches the hat from the old guy at the end just really boiled my blood though. Get over yourself. THIS DIDN’T EVEN TAKE ANY TIME OUT OF THEIR DAY SINCE THEY WERE STAYING ON THE TRAIN ANYWAY!?!?!? Like, bro – we were all just sitting there waiting for the new passengers to board, this took zero seconds out of your time at the park. I hate people like this. Just follow the rules, please.

Otherwise, it was a very serene little train ride, with the old train guy behind us yelling things like, “GENTLEMAN IN THE GREEN PLEASE KEEP YOUR ARMS INSIDE THE CAR” and the gentleman in question was like, 7. And we saw some cutie squirrels chasing each other. I quite enjoyed my time on the train, hostile dad and all.

BUT I BET YOU THOUGHT THE TRAIN TANTRUM REFERENCED IN THE TITLE OF THIS POST RELATED TO ME!!

I will say that Idlewild is very magical for the eyeballs. I loved the feeling of being nestled in a forest. It was very rustic and a stark contrast to the concrete jungles that some amusement parks tend to be. This place really did feel fairy tale-ish BUT overall, I enjoyed the ambiance of Story Land in NH a bit more. First of all, it had better rides.

Chipmunks! There was even a chipmunk in the bathroom with me. I wish we had chipmunks in our yard!!

Departing super young kiddie land, back into regular kiddie land aka the main part of the park. Truly, this was a children’s park and we were the only people there without young’ns in tow.

Fuck the Idlewild Emporium though! They don’t sell magnets!

Why did I agree to go on this. These rides always make me sick!!

Chooch wasn’t amused that I took this shot. (And yes, if you were wondering, I did get wrecked on this ride. Henry was watching with the other parents and said that there were only two cars on  the whole ride that were spinning and ours was one of them. Natch.)

Then we decided to see what all the fuss about re: Confusion Hill, which our beloved DAFE (Darkride & Funhouse Enthusiasts) ranked in the top 5 of the country’s best dark attractions??? Or maybe it’s specifically dark walk-thrus?? I immediately had to send a picture of the sign out front to Christina, no context, and of course they knew immediately why I sent it and were t-r-i-g-g-e-r-e-d.

“Thangs.”

They hate the word “thangs.” LOL.

Yeah, this was fine, I guess. The two Confusion Hill actors / guides were highly energized and entertaining so I will give it that much, but this is just your standard gravity hill type roadside attraction where OMG WHY IS THE WATER UPHILL?? etc. The guy actor tried really hard to get Chooch to sit on a crooked chair mounted to the wall after all the other kids left and I know he wanted to say yes but was trying to act like he was too cool for that silly gravity optical illusion sissy shit.

I required ice cream after this. Then the dad in front of me ordered a peanut butter milkshake and I was like OR DO I WANT THAT INSTEAD but it put my brain into overload (I’m fragile these days, leave me alone) so when it was my turn to order, I just got a twist cone. :(

And then had regertz. :(

Chooch is too old for babytime ice cream cones!!! He opted for A PIECE OF GUM instead. This is the COLLEGE WAY.

Henry ruined this picture.

Then we sat on a wall and ate our ice cream while Chooch complained about being bored because he didn’t have ice cream to keep him busy. I appreciated the colors of the sprinkles here at Idlewild. Sometimes sprinkles just aren’t pretty enough! But these were nice and bold and the perfect complement to a beautiful end-of-summer day. Man, I know this was one of the worst summers I’ve ever had, personally, but it still makes me sad to see it come to an end and I find myself doing that frantic scrambling that I’m always wont to do come September.

It’s just weird not taking that “first day of school” picture of Chooch on the front porch, but I guess I can take one before we leave here on Friday to drop him off in Philly.

(FML. This is really starting to hit me hard, lol.)

Then we went on the lamest log flume ever. I’m sorry, but Idlewild’s not got SHIT on Story Land in the ride department. The only thing that they do better (spoiler alert) is their Storybook Forest, which we will get to in the next post.

Oh well, tata for now.

Reporting from the other side of a weekend that was actually OK and stable. Did I cry every day? You bet, but it wasn’t uncontrollable and soul-crushing. And it was in tandem with Henry sitting next to me and patiently listening to me parse through Drew’s passing for the 87000th time and it felt calming almost? It’s just that I need to talk about it and if I don’t, the sadness and anguish comes bursting out of me like I’m Mount St. Erin.

And you know what else helped? Making progress on the Drew memorial portrait. I am hoping it will be ready to frame and hang this week, across from Marcy. (OK, the tears are spilling again but it’s OK! It’s OK. I’m OK. It’s going to be OK.)

Things to remember:

• On Saturday, Henry and Chooch went to some bakery in Wilkinsburg because Henry saw that they had orange cardamon cinnamon rolls and somehow we have become weekend cinnybun thoosies I guess, so off they went to procure the goods. They returned with a surplus though – some blondie that Chooch didn’t like but I thought was pretty good if not a bit too sweet; an apple chai muffin which was SO POTENT that it tasted like how the old Wicks & Sticks candle shop at Century III Mall smelled, I did not like it at all; a pumpkin hand pie thing which I also did not like AT ALL because of the same level of “this should be a candle, not edible” spices; a lemon cookie that was bomb; an Earl gray cupcake WHICH WAS SO GOOD but very small, and even SMALLER since Henry the oaf took half of it; and the aforementioned cinnamon roll which I really enjoyed. So, a 50/50 experience for sure.
• Keeping with that theme, Chooch came home yesterday with a pumpkin spice bottled Frappucino and was like THIS TASTES LIKE HOW JOANN FABRIC SMELLS and against my better judgment, I took a little baby sip and yep. The autumn wreath material aisle at Joann, specifically. DEEEE-sgusting.

• Yesterday, I grabbed the purse that Debby made me for Xmas last year without realizing at first that it matched my OOTD perfectly (PURRRRFECTLY??). I was just lamenting over the impending end of summer even though this summer was historically  – just a reminder – one of the worst I’ve ever had, but it still felt great to wear jeans and a light sweater yesterday!
  • This was the only time I left the house all weekend (aside from going for walks and to play tennis), and it was because I was meeting Pam at Potomac Station for Sunday afternoon coffee (although, I had horchata with a shot of espresso, FYI). It was a nice reason to get me out of the house, and we ended up having a fun chat with a guy sitting near us who was working on one of those Woobles crochet projects. HE LOOKED SO FAMILIAR TO ME. (The guy, not the creature he was crocheting.) I dunno where I would have seen him though and I didn’t want to blurt out WHERE DO YOU WORK, BECAUSE YOU LOOK FAMILIAR like the dryest pick-up line ever.

• SugarSpell Beetlejuice flava-flavs! The Lydia one is black sesame….one of my fave eastern flavors!

• Penelope hasn’t jumped on the table in months yet here she was over the weekend and we were wondering if it was because the picture of Drew was laying there. :(
• Happy things: we got some beer from Hitchhiker specifically the pumpkin thing they have currently and I got accidentally drunk Friday night! It was a fun start to the weekend – stay-at-home alcoholism. :|
• We watched a lot of Seventeen content and I think Henry finally knows all 13 members?! Also, Seventeen had headlined Lollapalooza Berlin on Sunday and it was live-streamed on their YouTube channel so we watched that together and it made me really content but also a little sad because Jun wasn’t there (he’s doing China promotions) and this was Jeonghan’s last international performance before military enlistment so….bittersweet. I hate getting so attached.

• I bought a bunch of acrylic frames (from Temu, I deserve any clowning you throw at me) and got three of them used up so far, I love the look! I think I will eventually have a bunch of them hung in the attic, who knows.

Don’t mind how filthy the table runner is – I need to swap it out with another here soon, but I like that the frames are boxy so that I can also put stuff on them like a little shelf – I love that the wedding ducks from Sandy fit on this one of our wedding license photobooth fun time!

I had to keep this bill from Sweden because it features the author of Pippi Longstocking, and now I have the perfect way to display it because you can see the back of the bill in this frame too!

<3<3<3 I bought this at the DDP gift shop, sigh.

Well, I guess that’s really all that happened over the weekend that’s noteworthy, aside from the 47875278 walks I went on. I hope that the clouds continue to part for me, preferably at a faster pace, haha. Ha. Ugh.

I scheduled last Wednesday off a work last week in an effort to siphon as much remaining quality time with Chooch-Soon-To-Be-At-College as possible. I had a bigtime bee in my bonnet about going to Cedar Point and he was a big walking UGH about this because “it’s so far away” (<  3 hours, get over it) but he eventually acquiesced because deep down, he loves mommy.

We only spent a half day there and it was A REALLY GOOD DAY (read: NOT CROWDED) but it was also pretty uneventful. So, this should be a quick recap.

Chooch and I split driving responsibilities on the way there. I had the first shift and he watched a movie on his laptop (Silence of the Lambs, which I can’t believe he had never seen before, I failed him as a horror parent) and I listened to Seventeen with full, unabashed abandon. It was a really nice and peaceful drive, honestly. (Except for when we switched driving responsibilities and I was able to look at my phone and see that Taeil had been removed from NCT because of a FUCKING SEX CRIME he’s currently being investigated for so that was fucked.)

When we arrived, the lot was barely crowded but HOO BOY for only allegedly being 82 degrees that day, it felt like 100. The sweat practically began dripping down my back almost immediately while walking through the lot. The one thing about Cedar Point is that there is really not much shade to be had.

We had a nice start to the day on Millie, maybe even one of the best rides I’ve had on that, but then we got stuck on the brake run while the ride attendants cleaned up puke from the exit platform and the empty train that was now chilling in the station. I wonder, in hindsight, if it was the broad who I saw while waiting in the station who was drinking a beer. I mean, it was nearly noon at that point so I guess no judgment but SHIT, it was so hot and I can’t imagine drinking a beer and immediately getting on a giga coaster, or any ride, on ANY type of day really. I rarely drink at amusement parks in general, honestly, but you do you I guess.

After this, we speed-walked to Maverick, which had a 45 minute posted – this would actually be pretty short on a regular day at CP but I was kind of hoping for something shorter on this random Wednesday during the last full operating week of the season, but whatever.

Well, it actually ended up being only 20 minutes!! That line flew, we never stopped moving, and 100% it was because of the lack of the Fastlane holders. That (and the fact that Maverick is notorious for breaking down frequently) is a huge part of the reason why this line is always so fucking long on a regular day. I was giving Henry updates the whole time, like, “We’re almost to the steps and it’s been less than 20 minutes!” and I hope he was sad that he didn’t have the balls to call off work. Little bitch.

Anyway, I am going to be a hater and just put this out there – I don’t really care much for Maverick. Maybe it’s because there is so much frustration that comes with it on every trip we take out there (most times we don’t even get to ride it because I don’t have the stamina to wait that long) but it honestly just hurts my head.

After this, we tried to ride SteVe but the Entrance Warden busted me trying to sneak in my fanny pack wrapped and folder under my arm and said I had to put it in a paid locker, which pissed me off because it fits in the free lockers inside the ride line and usually Henry will stick it in his cargo shorts pocket. I refused to pay for a locker, so we passed on SteVe and then I sent Henry a torrent of texts blaming this blight on him. “Tell Chooch to put it in his pocket!” he texted back, but Chooch was wearing these, I don’t know what they were, cotton leisure shorts with shallow pockets.

We decided to move on and try it again later, so we went on Gemini and sat behind Gemini’s Biggest Fan who was doing all kinds of creepy Jesus posturing and poses throughout the whole ride and I sort of felt proselytized by proxy into his branch of coaster crazies. The name he gave me was Jojo Roll, in case you need to put together a search and rescue mission one day.

After this, I was like, “CHOOCH, CAN WE PLEASE EAT LUNCH BEFORE I DIE” and he was like, ‘I’M NOT HUNGRY BUT FINE.” I was running on the fumes of a breakfast protein drink and needed solids, bigly.

But then on our way to food, we saw that the line for Wild Mouse was nearly a station wait?! IT HAS NEVER BEEN LIKE THIS FOR US! We always wait at least 45 minutes for this bitch! So, lunch had to wait.

This Wild Mouse is actually so much fun. My only gripe is that it really feels shorter than most coasters of this type!? And that even though by the time it was our turn, there were only around 8 other people in line but they still sat us with 2 other people.

I kept checking the weather app on my phone because it felt so much hotter than 81/82 degrees, honest to god.

But we got a reprieve inside the….fuck, I always forget the name of that big pavilion that replaced our beloved Spaghetti Noodle (née Wicked Twister). It’s annoying to me that instead of putting a good quality vegan/vegetarian protein option on the menu, CP bitches out by having a “Sides” meal where you can pick three sides instead of a protein FOR THE SAME PRICE THOUGH. I mean, that doesn’t seem like a great deal to me but it’s either this or go get pizza from some other place for the same price.

However, I will say that the sides are actually pretty good. That cucumber salad was DELICIOUS.

Chooch got strawberries instead of the cucumbers.

I was extremely full after eating all of this so I guess it is a pretty good deal after all.

Afterward, we immediately rode the Wild Mouse again lol. And then the atomic scrambler for our first time!?

I can’t stress how much I love the boardwalk area. They place the BEST music here. The scrambler was playing stuff that I have on my UltraLounge CDs!!

The ride op was kind of weird though. Chooch and I had to wait for the current cycle to finish – there was only one car occupied with three little girls, and after the ride ended, the ride op started yelling instructions to them on how to unlock the seat. The girl sitting next to the actual lock thing was the youngest out of all of them – maybe 6?! And she could NOT figure out what he was telling her, so then her dad was also yelling directions at her and she was getting frustrated, and then the girl furthest away had to try to lean across the other two to unlock it and the whole time, Chooch and I were saying out loud, “Why doesn’t the guy just walk over there AND DO IT FOR THEM???”

Anyway, she was crying by the time they got off the ride and even though it is in my nature to always take the side opposite a child in distress, I was actually on her team this time. That was kind of fucked up. And then I was so nervous about this lock situation that I made Chooch sit on that side so that he could deal with it.

AND WHEN THE RIDE ENDED, HE HAD ALREADY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE SIDE LOCK AND I WAS LIKE, “CHOOCH, DON’T MAKE HIM YELL AT US!”

To be clear, the ride op wasn’t actually yelling out of meanness or anger – he was just yelling to be heard and was a pretty chill young guy but also apparently lazy if he couldn’t just walk around and unleash riders himself?!

End of season apathy I guess.

Magnum time!!! I think the first row of the last car is my absolute favorite.

Just me trying to make memories, etc!

Then we had SteVe redemption!! Chooch stuffed my fanny pack in his pocket and we managed to slide right past the guy manning the entrance – the militant woman wasn’t there this time and the guy wasn’t even looking at us so it was super easy. IT WAS THE SHORTEST LINE I HAVE EVER BEEN IN FOR STEVE!! We breezed past the Fastlane attendant and made it all the way to ALMOST where the line splits for lockers / non-lockers. IYKYK.

And as expected, my fanny pack fit in the locker with no issue, rolled up into a little ball. I was reading about this controversy afterward on Reddit and most people seem to subscribe to my theory that this is just another CP cash-grab, an excuse for making people pay for lockers even though free ones are available in the line when they know damn well that small waist bags fit in there. But then I also saw that the “real reason” provided by CP staff is that “straps of waist bags can slip down into the locker and jam it”?? My straps aren’t even hanging off the thing because I unclipped it and wrap the straps all the way around the bag. There is nothing dangling off.

Anyway, our first ride was in the backrow and it was amazing. Every time I ride SteVe, I’m like, “OK, forget what I said, this is still my #1.”

We cheated the system and left our stuff in the free lockers afterward and immediately ran back in line because it was still non-existent. HOWEVER. WE FUCKED UP. It is a known fact amongst SteVe experts that the line for locker users has historically been shorter than the line for people who don’t need the lockers. (The line splits into two at the “need a locker?” checkpoint – if you don’t need one, you keep going to the right. If you do need one, there is a different line on the left that you can get back into after you’re done in the locker area. This line was the old Fastlane line and it is SHORTER IN LENGTH than the other line so it makes sense that you’d be waiting less!!)

Since this time we didn’t have anything on us that required a locker, we were relegated to the right-side lane, but then I heard the people behind us – who had done the same thing as us by getting off the ride and running right back into line – ask the line attendant if they could get into the left line even though they didn’t a locker because it’s faster. The line guy just shrugged and said, “I don’t know if it’s faster, but sure go ahead.”

THEY GOT ON THE RIDE SO MUCH FASTER THAN US! I swear to god, that right line moves like molasses!! So even though it was still a shorter wait than we would usually have for SteVe, it was so frustrating to see people who were behind us in line going to get a locker, and then passing us by in the left line.

Then a new ride attendant was manning the station – a woman this time – and gave us the biggest, nastiest look of resigned disgust when we asked if we could wait for the front. She let us, but not without making us feel like the scum of the earth. Look, on a crowded day, we wouldn’t have asked BUT the queue for the front car is purposely built out to account for larger lines?! And there were only two couples waiting in that line, anyway, but go off, lady.

But yeah, back to back rides on SteVe in less than 45 minutes? Unheard of. I was so happy.

We rode Magnum again, this time all the way in the back and that was a mistake, lol. My thighs were immediately bruised. I do love that fucking ride though and the station theme music makes me feel like I could roller skate up a hill.

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Chooch wanted to leave after this but then I saw that Raptor had a zero minute wait and gave him pleading eyes, so he said, “OMG FINE” like I’m the kid in this sitch. I had to send this picture to Henry because HOLY SHIT THERE IS NO ONE IN THE SWITCHBACKS? We literally WALKED ON, you guys. Got up to the station and walked right onto the back row. Glorious.

After this, we had a beautiful ride on Gatekeeper after a station wait and I finally agreed that we could leave. Sigh. It was around 5, but I would have happily stayed until the park closed at 8 because I truly wasn’t ready to leave yet. But Chooch was like, “We did what we came to do and now it’s time to go home.” Wow OK dad.

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I thought it was fitting that Summer Breeze was playing in my favorite boardwalk area at the end of our day at Cedar Point. Sometimes I hate Cedar Point, but it was so magical on this day.

On our way home, we stopped at a nearby Biggby for some coffee and that was a weird experience watching a gaggle of young teen girls work chaotically on too many orders at once and we thought for sure ours were going to be fucked but they were both delicious and it made me sad that we don’t have any of these joints closer to home because I would go there weekly.

TO CONCLUDE: It was a really nice day spent with my kid who is leaving for college in less than a week at the time of this posting. I am so glad that I was able to take some time off work here and there to make these last minute summer memories with him. GOTTA GO CRY IN A DARK ROOM NOW, FEEL FREE TO CRY ALONG WITH ME, ARGENTINA.

Today’s big news is that I had to walk to the library and pick up the NINE (9!!!!!) books that came in all at once. This never happens! Usually I am waiting forever for a book and end up getting some lame bottom tier audio book to tide me over and all it does is make me angry.

Anyway, I had to make Henry go with me because I needed to use TWO tote bags and I wanted him to pretend like one stack was his but he wouldn’t play along.

I was afraid the librarians would give me stern looks for checking out so many books at once, but then thought, “well, they never acknowledge me so maybe they won’t notice” but for the first time ever, one of them broke the 4th wall and said to us from behind their glass, “hi guys, there’s a free jazz concert going on here if you’re interested” and I FROZE mid-book scan. (I always use self checkout FYI.)

Anyway, he didn’t seem to care and Henry was like “why WOULD they care though, they WANT people to read?!” But I swear some of the librarians there give me bad vibes plus Chooch used to always come home when he was a kid and bitch about them so I just feel very UNDER A SPOTLIGHT when I’m there if you know what I mean. And like they’re just LOOKING for something to scold me for.

Well, here’s my big boi book stack and I am so excited to be a shut-in for the next week or so to tear through these!

(The two on the right are ones I already had checked out, ugh, I’m drowning.)

Why are short work weeks always so chaotic and borderline abusive? I had a really shitty day today and gulped a double shot of apple soju as soon as I logged off. Maybe a minute before I logged off. WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE.

Labor Day Weekend went by in a blur. We didn’t do anything on Saturday except for that bakery that I already mentioned, but Sunday morning was nice because we met up with Bill, Jessi, and their friend Loretta before they left town after the RHPS con ended. I’m glad we had the chance to meet up with them if even just for a quick meal because they are seriously some of my favorite people and this was our first time meeting Loretta who naturally was also awesome. Chooch and I both immediately agreed on the way home that she had Chris Hyde vibes so it’s a big NO DUH that we liked her.

Anyway, we met at Waffles Inc downtown and their lying POS website said that there was NO WAIT and therefore NO NEED to add our party to the virtual waitlist. YEAH, MY ASS! We had to wait for over 30 minutes which is fine because at least we got to stand outside and chat but it was also annoying because we were tryna’ show our Michigan friends some good old Yinzer hospitality which maybe actually entails forcing your visitors to stand on a sidewalk in the middle of a dying city.

I want to remember that Henry’s and my breakfasts were messed up and Henry was RULL RUDE to the server about it for absolutely no reason, but I was nicer. I got some weird-ass omelet filled with honey mascarpone and topped with grilled peaches and spicy mayo!?!? I mean, I had. I had to know. It was actually pretty palatable but SMALL AF. Honestly, it might have been the smallest omelet I have ever received in a restaurant and Chooch, also recipient of a lilliputian egg splat, said the same.

The omelet itself was kind of dry too? And my blueberry toast was dry and the server never brought any butter so I’m not sure WTF was going on but I don’t think I will be returning there.

Then our checks were messed up and Henry was like a fucking Bearded Karen over it, it was SO EMBARRASSING. Actually, he was embarrassing in so many ways – the rude, gruff way he spoke to the server and then also shooting us back to yesteryear by gendering the table when observing that “the girls were on one side and the boys were on the other.” Jesus, Henry.

You know I called him out over his shitty attitude and he was like, “WHAT. SHE FUCKED UP.” and I was like, “LOOK I WAS A WAITRESS FOR ONE NIGHT SO I AM QUALIFIED TO WEIGH IN ON THIS – IT IS A HARD JOB AND SHE IS DOING HER BEST, IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON IN HER LIFE.” The point is, yes, she made some mistakes BUT SHE WAS STILL FRIENDLY AND PROFESSIONAL. If she was doing a bad job AND had a shitty attitude? Then, sure, go lodge a complaint, go hogwild on Yelp, GO ASK TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER. But this woman was not deserving of even the slightest sneer in your tone, Henry, so step off.

I apparently was more affected by this than I realized.

They’ve been posing together since Chooch was 2! I’m so happy that our long-distance friendship continues to thrive after all these years.

Sunday morning selfie with my Judy Mary coffee cup <3 I am starting to open my heart back up to things, such as Korea. (Not Henry yet, though. Obviously.)

Peenlop <3

Also, over the weekend in Seoul, Taeyang from BIGBANG had a solo concert and THIS HAPPENED:

I don’t know how Taeyang convinced him to do this, but seeing GD on stage with him and Daesung again all of these years was incredibly emotional and HISTORICAL.

NO ONE IS LIKE G-DRAGON. He will always be my #1.

On Monday, we went to Idlewild Park for the first half of the day but I will write about that separately. Then later that evening, Chooch and I finished The Umbrella Academy and hoo boy, that one hurt. I am so sad that this series is over – I loved every second of it. Even the many seconds that I didn’t understand. Five was my favorite character. I loved him so much.  I associate this with the first season, when Chooch and I do our Jillian Michaels Body Revolution work out and then watch an episode of UA. Pre-pandemic. When Drew was still alive. 2019 – I miss you, boo. You were a damn good year.

Then came Tuesday. I had my first EMDR session with my therapist and it was so hard and exhausting. When Henry saw me after, he said he could tell it was a rough one. I sobbed almost through the entire thing and felt so worn out after, like my brain actually felt like putty. I’m not sure if I’m “doing it correctly” or if there even is a “correct way” but I definitely struggled to let myself go at first. It is just so hard because my target memory is Drew laying on the floor, dying. And I have to keep going there over and over. I hope that this is the right thing for me.

And now today. Work sucked. Then I made a new header for this dumb site:

I literally have nothing to talk about anymore. Maybe someday!

Can you tell that I am desperado to pack in as much as possible before Chooch leaves for college? I really hate how the vibe of the summer shifted so harshly and how I spent so much of it being emotionally catatonic. I am trying, you guys.

Last weekend, we did a small day trip to Huntingdon, WV to collect the whopping 3 coaster creds at Camden Park. We had tossed around the idea of going here for the past several years but honestly, it is so out of the way and (sorry locals) not really worth the trip unless you’re on the way somewhere better. But in this case, we were looking for something that we could knock out in less than a day, and Camden Park finally fit the bill.

We knew that this park was going to be kind of a dump (SORRY AGAIN LOCALS) but I honestly didn’t care and was stoked to see the infamous clown signage in person finally. You know I love me some clown shit. This didn’t disappoint!

We were there on a hot ass Saturday in August. Probably every other amusement park in America was poppin’ off but Camden Park was…meandering.

My IMMEDIATE first impression was that it was like Conneaut Park in PA (RIP) but make it a bit livelier (and you know, open). There really wasn’t much to write home about aesthetically or anything, but we knew this going in. Somehow the vibes were actually worse than I expected though. Not to say we had a terrible time, but it felt strange being there. We are not what you would consider cosmopolitan or uppity people by any stretch of the imagination, and I am not trying to be stereotypin’ the peeps here, but let’s just say we definitely stood out as interloping city folk.

Henry must have been feeling at home though because he was nicer than I have EVER witnessed him being to staff and ride ops. It was NUTS. “YOU HAVE A NICE DAY!” he kept shouting at everyone and it was very disconcerting, like we had been sent to a different dimension and Henry was over-acting some weird version of himself without fear of consequence. I can’t explain it but it was on par with how jarring it was to hear him say, “YOU AS WELL” in response (OK I typed “respondence” at first, I need to be put on the Billy Madison track) to cashiers, etc. telling him to have a good day.

I was really excited to ride this and expected to leave with spine damage, but holy shit it was good! I mean, not worth going out of your way for unless you’re a thoosie or someone who keeps a spreadsheet of coaster credits, and it is janky AF to be honest. But there was an intense of pop of airtime after the first drop that was completely unexpected, and I felt like I was going to be catapulted out of my seat. It made me scream and laugh my face off. Those are elements of a good and memorable coaster experience, if you ask me.

The ride ops were exactly what you’d expect from a park of this ilk – basically the maintenance crew, honestly. Which isn’t a bad thing but holy shit, the grizzliness was in full effect here. Basically, throw down some carnival rides but make it permanent and keep the carnies on staff. They released the lap bars with no announcement (at least, none that I heard!) so the bar slammed down HARD on my wrists. I was being v. vocal about the pain I was in but Chooch accused me of exaggerating. I was not! That lap bar was heavy!

Don’t worry, I didn’t sue or anything. BUT 10-YEAR-OLD ERIN PROBABLY WOULD HAVE TRIED TO.

Camden Park also has a dark ride with a very original name. HAUNTED HOUSE. You don’t say.

Haunted House selfie. LOL my unruly gray hairs.

This guy was like if Jonny Craig had joined the carnival junket instead of pursuing music.

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Anyway, I liked it just fine but it also seemed very short? I feel like it was definitely shorter than, say, The Whacky Shack at Waldameer and maybe even the Devil’s Den from the aforementioned Conneaut.

I was so pissed that this FAFSA billboard was haunting us while we were trying to enjoy a leisurely jaunt on the rickety carousel. (Henry had some weird rapport going on with the elderly operator, btw. He was yukking it up with so many blue collareds on this day, you guys. Maybe Henry will move to Huntingdon when he retires. Or maybe he can just move there now and join the Camden maintenance crew?!

I just want to remember that we got along the whole time we were here – which, in all fairness, was only about 2 hours, lol. But if you knew my state of mind not even just over these last few months but really for almost the whole last year, you would know that getting through an afternoon together as a family without me flipping my already unhinged lid…well, it’s an accomplishment to remember.

Wow, two carouselfie versions to choose from for the wall. I made Henry move up to a different horse and take a new shot because I wanted my mint horse to be in it. God, I make such a simple, benign tradition into such a miserable process sometimes haha. (Chooch’s voice is echoing into the void: “you mean ‘always.'”)

This is that Hipstamatic filter that essentially puts age spots on skin. I need to stop using this on pictures of people lol. Anyway, this was in line for the Whip, which was also being operated by an effervescent elder.

EW WHY IS MY TOOTH CAUGHT ON MY LIP. Jesus Christ, maybe I’m the one who should retire to Huntingdon.

This amount of pictures of the Whip is uncalled for, really.

I loved this old man operator so much that I had to walk back around and get him in a picture. This place was something else.

Get a load of this sketchy-ass sky ride. That’s a no for me, Paula.

The Little Dipper was actually pretty fun for a baby coaster! The ride attendant didn’t even check our restraints LOL.

We were the first people in line and I was all set to get the last row but one of the kids behind us asked, “Are you going to take the backseat?” and I said, “Maybe, why? Do you want it?” AND WHAT THE HELL CAME OVER ME, I ACTUALLY GAVE THESE KIDS THE BACK SEAT. We took the front row so it wasn’t all that bad. I’m just really scared that I did something nice for a child.

I have looked like hell all year. My hair doesn’t even grow anymore. Anyway, this was on the Tilt a Whirl.

Conversely, I didn’t want the front row on this one but there was a group of tween girls behind us and I didn’t like how they were acting – I can picture them being bullies in the halls of some shitty West Virginia middle school and that didn’t sit well with me so when I heard them going on and on about wanting the front row, I abandoned my dreams of being a back row bitch and ran to claim the front row out from under their snobby little noses.

Then before we left, I bought some swag in the gift shop which actually offered way better merch than a park of this caliber had ANY right to. I got a shirt, a magnet, a coffee cup, and a shot glass with a clown inside of it. I also could have bought a Camden Park photo album to hold all of our precious photographical memories from the day but apathy took over and I put it back on the shelf.

And yeah, that concludes our day trip to Camden Park, where Henry turned into a local yokel and we made it out without tetanus or a fentanyl addiction. Bleak, sorry.

Obligatory “I can’t believe summer is almost over” statement. And copy/paste “How is it September already???” sentiment.

But yeah, here were are. Nearly on the other side of summer and not to be dramatic but this has been the worst summer of my life and I am happy to move away from it. Drew, I miss you. I cry for you every day. I am so traumatized. Meanwhile, a YouTube video is playing right now from an expat who lives in Seoul and I just got even more upset – what a whirlwind this year has been, for better or worse. I know that the Korea piece of the year also plays a part in my emotional turbulence because I was so happy being there and then so depressed leaving and I was still coping with those emotions too when Drew died and now I am left sitting on my couch on this random Sunday morning, with a growing lump of sadness in my throat and tears flooding my sight-balls.

In therapy last week, we decided that EMDR needs to be started sooner rather than later in order to move my traumatic loop of Drew dying into the back of my brain / long term memory, and my therapist asked me to choose a “happy place” to send myself at the end of the sessions so that if we don’t finish, I don’t leave her office in some crazed, fragmented state. I would have thought that my subconscious would send me to Korea but instead, I was sitting in the corner of the sectional in my Pappap’s den, and that makes the most sense. Korea is my happy place – sure, but it would break my brain trying to decide which part of it to insert myself, while my Pappap’s den is full of happy Saturday night TV / sleepover memories and it’s also 100% my safe place. Korea is sensory overload. Pappap’s den is soothing, quiet, warm, dark (in a good way). But thinking about this later made me realize that I am lucky to have two very different “happy places” to choose from, and that is what I am trying to focus on these days. Little things that are good and that I should be thankful for. Maybe collecting these little pieces will help put me back together.

OK, mental health check-in is out of the way. Here’s some leftover pictures, etc. from the month:

Saw these girls on the way to check on Pam’s cat last week and I had to do a doubletake because I thought it was Paris & Nicole, filming an episode of the Simple Life here in Simple Brookline. The first time I walked past them, they were standing up and one of them had her hands on her lower back and was slightly bent back like she was preparing to shoot her ennui into the sky and the other one just had a look of sheer disgust on her perfectly contoured face.

Yesterday, Henry and I drove to Freeport in order to check out a new bakery that opened last weekend, called Vivian’s. I found out about it because it’s down the street from that cafe we went to Memorial Day Weekend when Drew was still alive, and the cafe had posted about it in their IG story. I was sad coming back out there knowing that the last time we did, Drew was still alive but I know that I have to also stop doing this because it’s not helping me move on.

Anyway, the sole reason I wanted to go is because they have cinnamon knots which looked similar to the Scandinavian cinnamon rolls we had become obsessed with last summer on our coaster trip.

Thoughts:

• the bakery is small and got crowded REAL QUICK. There was a woman standing behind me who was attempting to become my earring I think, with the way she was practically resting her chin on my shoulder, she WAS SO FUCKING CLOSE. Back up, please. We are not friends. And even if we were, BACK THE FUCK UP PLEASE.
• it’s family-run and everyone was soooo pleasant, even in spite of the Internet going down and having to scramble to find ways to take credit card payments. I felt for them! Luckily, Henry had cash on him.
• the croissant was a darkhorse!! It didn’t have the traditional French croissant look to it, and I wanted to get it to just to see. It was DELICIOUS. So unexpectedly buttery and soft with crunchy ends. I loved it and am going to have to get my ass back there soon for more.
• the knot was good but not exactly the same as the kinds we had in Denmark, Sweden, Finland. I think it was because we were gravitating toward the cardamon ones on that trip and obviously those ones had a different taste. These were still good though!
• Henry got a snickerdoodle and declared that it was the best one he’s ever had, and he is a connoisseur so this is high praise. I too enjoyed it.
• the traditional cinnamon roll!!! Soooooo decadent and some of the BEST cream cheese icing I’ve ever had. 10/10 will be back.

Speaking of sweet treats, we stopped at this random convenience store after we left Camden Park last weekend (still need to recap that, I am so behind on everything in life) because I saw the DONUTS sign and was interested. I always say I’m not the biggest fan of donuts yet somehow I always find myself eating donuts.

I had low expectations.

But whoa – hello! I got a glazed and it was one of the BEST glazed donuts I’ve ever had. Henry got a “barvarian” (he always mispronounces it and it is so grating) and then we also got a maple one to share. Chooch got a strawberry filled or something and didn’t let us try it so I can’t comment on that, but the maple donut was so heavy! It was PACKED with fluffy vanilla cream and while it was good, it truly didn’t need to be filled. The actual maple donut portion was delicious and satisfying on its own. The filling actually put me into sugar shock a ‘lil bitz. (That’s how I would have said it if I was saying it to Drew.)

Yeah, if you ever find yourself in Huntingdon, WV (why, I don’t want to know), don’t sleep on these donuts. They were truly worth the stop.

Peenlop <3

I bought this matcha kit from my fave YouTuber Ur Mom Ashley and it’s been fun making matcha lattes at home!

Additional things:

• At my dentist appointment last week, some older woman started chatting me up in the waiting room and it went from talking about her PINK-brand water bottle to her brother’s ability to make jokes in any situation “for example, when my son was having brain surgery…..” to the events leading up to her son’s need for brain surgery (he is OK now!) to me loving Kpop and getting married in Korea to her fear of flying and even driving over bridges. It was crazy. We were just sitting there, turned towards each other, chatting our faces off and I was like, “Wow, is this what it was like pre-smart phones when strangers used to actually talk to each other to pass the time?? It wasn’t so bad, honestly.
• Also at my dentist appointment, the hygienist asked me if I chew tobacco!?!?!? I said, “No…….why?” and then she goes, “Do you suck on lozenges or anything?” and I said, “Yes, I like butter scotches and other hard candies…..?” and she followed-up with, “Do you typically keep them sitting on this side of your mouth?” I said yes and she goes, “OK, well….maybe move them around from now on.” LOL ok but WHY WOULD CHEWING TOBACCO BE YOUR FIRST GUESS?!!? Do I look rough?!
• Chooch and I are 4 episodes into the last season of Umbrella Academy. He would have had the whole thing binged the day it was released if it weren’t for me slowing him down. I just can’t sit for that long! Also, it’s the last season and this is one of my favorite TV shows so I’m trying to savor it. As usual, I have NO IDEA what is going on but I love it so much.
• Aside from walking, I haven’t been able to exercise since Drew died. Working out every day was such a routine for me, something I never really thought about, and now I am just in NO SHAPE because the thought of laying out my mat on the floor even remotely near where Drew died makes me hyperventilate. We have been talking about that too in therapy. I thought that maybe if I tried to do either some different exercise or maybe something that I haven’t done in a long time, that would help. Also doing it in a different section of the room. So, Friday I tried to do the old Kukuwa African dance workouts that I had started doing in the beginning of the pandemic and so far it has been OK because I don’t directly associate this with Drew like I do Grow With Jo or Give Me Five Thailand, or even MadFit. Definitely can’t do Jillian. Trying to ease back into a routine and even just typing this has me gagging on my ugly tears, I am so fucked up.  But anyway, I know I must have really been out of shape because I am so sore today.

I hate feeling like this.

Full disclosure, I forgot to finish writing about this. Life is so fucking stupid anymore! Anyway, let’s just quickly looks at these leftover pics and I will maybe write some words where applicable. Like here for instance, where we ended up riding this rapids ride with a thoosie dad and his daughter who invited us to join them on their raft after we chatted in line about coasters. Chooch, wearing an actual coaster group shirt, offered nothing and I was left limping my way through the convo because even though I am always whining about having no one to talk to about coasters, as soon as I do have someone I clam up?? Anyway, Henry took an entire album’s worth of photos of us on this for some reason.

We didn’t eat lunch here, but did get a pretzel and it was just OK. But I will not judge the food at the park on that alone!

We were trying to push Henry toward Cinderella and Chooch yelled, “He’s your biggest fan!” YOU CAN RIDE A HORSE-DRAWN PUMPKIN CARRIAGE TO HER CASTLE, BTW. We sadly did not do this, Chooch refused after seeing the line and the low capacity of each carriage.

This place in a word: enchanting.

In two words? Add “charming.”

When I saw this castle on the website, I screamed, “I WANT TO TAKE HENRY’S PICTURE THERE!” and by “scream” I mean that I sent Megan a CAPSLOCK message on Teams. She was like, “Oh that’s a must!” and then when Henry tried to scratch this off the itinerary, I cried, “BUT MEGAN WANTED ME TO TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU BY THE CASTLE!!” and he was like, “OH FOR GOD’S SAKE.” Lol, thanks, Megan :)

If Henry hadn’t needed to stand in line for A PRETZEL we could have made it to the castle before people started to line up for Cinderella but whatever.

Some nice man took a picture for us – if we use this one on the wall, does it even count as a CAROUSELFIE though??

Also, Henry is wearing his wedding band but as you can see, my ring finger is bare. I took my ring off at the airbnb the day before and I don’t think I put it back on for 2 or more weeks after that LOL. I also took it off in Chicago too. Our fights are so much more meaningful now that I have an actual wedding band to take off in a fit!

I loved the nursery rhyme walk-thru area!

So did Chooch!

The attention to detail really tickled my soul.

Before we left, Chooch got his drivers license, LOL. Unlike Liseberg, where we both got our boating license FOR FREE, this cost $12! Worth it though.

Only other thing to note is that when we were in the candy shop waiting to buy a whoopie pie, we saw a cute little mole scurrying about! I don’t think I have ever seen a mole in real life before! That just added to the charm.

What a nice day and not a single fight. With that,  I think we can finally put this New England Birthday Trip to rest because honestly, I kind of don’t want to think about it anymore for a while.

Happy fucking Friday.

Last Sunday, Henry and I went to some theater in Monroeville to see the Seventeen Seoul concert film – it REALLY got me even more stoked for their actual concert in October and also? I was so emotional through the whole thing which was good because now I know I’m not dead inside like I thought I was after seeing ATEEZ. Maybe Henry was right and it’s just that I don’t connect with that group on an emotional level like I do with some of the others.

But yeah, SVT had me feeling all of the feels 100%. Of course, it had the OPEN WOUND element to it too because of Drew, but it was good to have some of the old Kpop emotions back. I lost it when Seungkwan was saying that he was so sad to have missed the last concert in Seoul, because it was when he was resting after Moonbin’s death. UGH. That was so painful to see him cry, and as someone who recently lost their best friend as well, it stung extra hard.

Also, I have been so estranged from everyone/everything these last few mths that it is nice to have that comfort back of watching kpop content with Henry, who truly likes Seventeen – so don’t even. It’s like, a tiny slice of normalcy back into my life. (As I sit here spontaneously weeping re: Drew, and also I would like to thank my phone for putting together a “recommended slideshow” for me today of picture of me and Drew and titling it “Best Friends.” I mean, of course I watched the whole thing and it was precious but also OUCH MY FUCKING STUPID PIECE OF SHIT HEART. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.)

Anyway, in true Friday Five fashion, here are 5 of my fave SVT songs that I hope they’ll perform in October! You should watch every single one of these and then COMMENT BELOW which one you liked, and if you didn’t like any of them, just pretend because I can’t handle it right now lol.

1. ANYONE

2. DARL+ING

3. READY TO LOVE (I have shared so many versions of this song over the years and I do not care, it is just that good. I could listen to this song on repeat all day long.)

4. GOD OF MUSIC (This is just so joyful.)

5. LALALI!!!!!! (Hiphop team)

Well, that’s all I have for today. This heatwave and the daily cries have me zapped of all energy.

I had last Wednesday off of work, in effort to make extra SUMMER MEMORIES with My Son, Soon Off to College. I had suggested going to Laurel Caverns, and a quick glance at This Blog told me we hadn’t been there since 2017!! Chooch originally said sure, because he likes that there is a mini golf course there. But then I went to their website and saw that mini golf is NOW DEFUNCT. I told him and he was all harumphing about it or whatever, but I didn’t think that this changed our course. So, I proceeded to wake him up the next morning, saying that I wanted to go soon and he was like BUT THERE IS NO MINI GOLF so me being me, I threw a hissy fit and said, “FINE. WE’LL DO NOTHING TODAY THEN. I AM SO GLAD I TOOK THE DAY OFF.”

Who is the kid in this sitch, though, for real.

Anyway, he came downstairs after a bit, all showered and ready to go.

“WHERE ARE YOU GOING?” I spat, and he calmly said, “To Laurel Caverns.”

I tried to keep up my Mommy Scorned demeanor, but really I was like, “Yay!” and then he even drove too!

It takes about 45 minutes to get there, maybe an hour, who can be sure. We chatted the whole time BECAUSE WE ARE BEST FRIENDS.

(I hope he sees this the next time he comes here to fulfill another of my blog design wish list items.)

I had to pee immediately upon arriving and am happy to report that the bathrooms still appear to be the same as they were when I first started coming here in the 80s with the Girl Scouts.

A tour was leaving just as I was buying our tickets so we made it JUST IN TIME. Our guide was a young man named DANIEL and he was absolutely precious. ACTUALLY, THIS IS HIM:

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I LAUGHED HEARTILY AT ALL OF HIS DAD JOKES. Chooch did not.

Our group wasn’t very big, being a weekday afternoon. Just us and maybe 3 other families plus an older couple.

Somehow the tour always feels never-the-same to me. But this time it was even more different because the guided tour was drastically truncated and then an optional self-guided tour was available at the end. I asked the lady at the ticket counter if this was a new thing and she goes, “Oh! No, not really,” in a tone that made me feel like A FOOL for asking. But then she said, “We started doing it about two years ago after the pandemic.”

OK WELL THAT’S KIND OF RECENT THOUGH??

I can’t imagine back in the day, or in this day even, being like, “Oh cool a hole in the earth, let’s slip inside and see what’s up.”

The guided portion with DANIEL was over in a blink, and of course we opted for the self-guided portion afterward, which was billed as an additional 45-60 MINUTES and came with all kinds of caveats about STEEP GRADES and MYRIAD STEPS or whatever, but I feel like it only took us about 20 minutes to get through it?!

I was going to try and convince you that Chooch was in the middle of a cave-dweller conjuring here but I think he was actually just catching water drops on his hand.

I didn’t realize until later that night at home that what I assumed was a brochure we were handed with our tickets was actually a map for the self-guided tour which would have explained things we were looking at. Oh well.

We did see Calico Falls though! Because there was a sign with an arrow, so…

SPARKLY.

And then we had to climb up a shit ton of steps that even had me a little winded by the end and I am in pretty good step-climbing shape. JUST SO YOU KNOW.

We couldn’t leave without perusing the gift shop and then filling out the COMMENT CARD, but first we:

1. needed a pen;
2. needed confirmation of our guide’s name

Chooch handled both of these because I’m convinced that saying, “Excuse me?” in a fake polite voice is his most favorite past time. The lady who gave us our tickets handled these requests and probably thought we were so needy. I couldn’t really get a good feel for her but I thought perhaps she was annoyed by us.

Then we went outside to the deck because that is a must-do at Laurel Caverns!

Chooch was like, “Seriously!? You don’t have to pay for these in Korea!” Yeah, because Korea is King. Korea wants people to see beautiful nature for free.

Fun fact, I won a Cultural Arts medal in elementary school by submitting a photograph I took from this summit. WOW, I AM SO COOL I KNOW.

Fun fact #2, I have a Cultural Arts medal hanging in my kitchen BUT IT’S FROM A LATER YEAR, FOR A DIFFERENT VISUAL ARTS SUBMISSION. All I did was win back then, she said as she effortlessly cracks her knuckles.

Before leaving, we stopped to mourn the area where the mini golf course used to be. It’s now something called THE GROTTOES and all we knew was that it was something for kids. Chooch was like, “No, I can’t leave until I know exactly what this is” so he went back to the gift shop counter where several of the ladies were congregated and hit them with another, “Excuse me?”

One of the women explained that it’s a scavenger hunt “for children.” And we were like, ‘Oh, OK” and we must have come across as crestfallen because the lady who I wasn’t sure hated us or not cut in to say, “I’ll sell you one ticket and you both can go in, if you want.”

Chooch and I looked at each other and immediately said, “OK!” We both identify as children, after all.

And then she even discounted that one ticket on top of it!! Suddenly this lady loved us for some reason. I mean, we ARE pretty adorable. Then as she was getting the clipboard with the scavenger items (animals that we would find painted on the walls) and lanterns, she explained to us that the owner had built the largest man-made caverns in the country to house the mini golf course. It’s made from cement, but actual stalactites had begun to form but over the years, people kept damaging it and the owner got pissed and shut it down in 2019 – so, two years after we were last there. And now it’s reopened as this adorable activity for little kids!

(And me and Chooch!)

There were 10 or 12 animals on the list, and as the lady opened the door for us, she goes, “I think the bat is the hardest to find –  I can give you a hint if you want” but we yelled NO because we are so competitive and needed to do this with no help.

To say that we took this extremely seriously, the outcome of which we would carry with us for the rest of our lives, was an understatement. We took to that darkened, man-made ex-mini golf cave by storm, holding our lanterns to the ceiling like we were announcing the arrival of the Red Coats, diligently checking off animal after animal, even writing in some that weren’t on the list (“They must be trying to trick us,” Chooch scoffed. As if.)

But then, we had made it all the way to the exit and one animal remained. “How did we miss this!?” Chooch cried. “We have to go back and look again, I need 100% completion.”

So, we began to backtrack. By this point, one lone family had also entered the Grottoes – a couple with their young son (maybe 5?) and a younger baby carried on the dad’s back in some baby hiking apparatus. They were also on the tour with us and were very mild, so I was not mad about their arrival. Chooch ran up ahead and yelled across the Grottoes to them (there were some parts that were more open and less maze-like than others so you could see other areas where you had already been), “Have you seen a monkey yet?”

They checked their paper and then the mom called back, “No, no monkey yet!” and then the little kid started repeating, “Monkey? Monkey?”

“Wait — we’re looking for a monkey? Why did I think we were looking for a dog??” I asked Chooch, who probably said, “Because you’re stupid” or something equally as disparaging because this is how I taught him to show love.

Anyway, now we had this family fixated on the monkey and we ALL ended up retracing our steps all the way back to the beginning (oh, we did find the bat btw and it was sort of tricky but we wouldn’t have needed a clue!!) until finally we conceded that the monkey just didn’t exist.

“Maybe they put that on here on purpose so if people came out with it checked, Laurel Caverns will know they’re lying,” Chooch said an approximation of this (now that he’s been working on fixing my blog, he has been criticizing my blog posts and accusing me of PUTTING WORDS IN PEOPLES MOUTHS, etc etc and I am like OK, CREATIVE LICENSE and also I’m sorry that I don’t walk around with a voice recorder to assure 100% accuracy BUT I CAN CERTAINING START DOING SO, CHOOCH).

We left the Grottoes and the ladies were like DID YOU HAVE FUN? DID YOU FIND EVERYTHING? and we were like YES BUT WHERE IS THE MONKEY?? and the lady who sold us the ticket was like “It should be there?” and the other lady was like, at the same time, “Oh, she* has been repainting all the animals and hasn’t gotten to the monkey yet – it’s painted over.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

*I dunno who SHE is but maybe SHE could have crossed MONKEY off the list for the time being?!

So, we spent literally an hour in these darkened recesses looking for something that didn’t exist. But did we have fun? Fuck yes.

But then, the lady who sold us the ticket and apparently loved us was like, “COME ON I’LL SHOW YOU WHERE THE MONKEY SHOULD BE AND YOU CAN SHOW ME THE EXTRA ANIMALS TOO BECAUSE I HAVEN’T SEEN THOSE YET!” so we had to walk through A THIRD TIME which is so fucking hilarious to me and kind of what Chooch deserved since he was being so whiny about the mini golf course not being there anymore. That was A LOT of quality time at the mini golf gravesite.

Anyway, she showed us the little nook where the monkey will eventually be resurrected and Chooch was so pissed. “I KNEW something should have been in this room!” he cried. Then we had to walk around trying to find all the little mice and snakes to show her and she was actually so giddy about discovering these new little paintings, so it was kind of cute.

After we said goodbye to our gift shop friends, we ran into the Grottoes family over by the restrooms and I told them that the monkey has been painted over. The dad was, “I KNEW IT!!” and then we accidentally walked out to the parking lot with them while they were talking about where they were going to get lunch and I never heard what they decided on, so I was nervous that we were going to end up at the same place because these are the neurotic social worries I have.

Chooch made me get out of the car and take this picture. He is obsessed with Kirby, as you will note by his Kirby hoodie that he brought after I yelled at him to bring a hoodie because it would be FREEZING IN THE CAVERN.

We ended up stopping at ROY’S PUB in Uniontown for lunch. Funny how when Henry the Antagonizer isn’t with us, we manage to find somewhere to eat almost instantly with no fights. Hmmm. Could Henry be what you might call THE CATALYST?

It’s was FRED’S birthday and I will tell you how we know this: one of the servers went out to the parking lot and the came hoofing it back in, wheezing, “FRED’S HERE!” And then when this old man entered, everyone was like “FRED!” and I was afraid they were also going to break out into “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow” which I have never actually in real life but feel like I would melt from secondhand embarrassment if so, but that did not happen. Instead, they directed him to sit at the bar stool with the Birthday….Banner? Cape? slung over the back, and then later they brought a cupcake out of the kitchen and serenaded him.

That part was ok, though. I felt like we should have sung along too but instead we just there, full-mastication mode, being creepy City Folk Voyeurs to this quaint villager celebration.

We contemplated getting an appetizer called the WAGON WHEEL but after the server described it as a Mexican thing having a “pork rind texture,”  I was convinced it was meat-tainted even though Chooch kept saying, “She just said pork rind TEXTURE and that’s made with WHEAT” and then he tried googling it but only dessert-things were coming up.

The grilled cheese was good but made with miniature bread. The fries were also good. Our lunch came to $18 and it was the cheapest lunch we’ve had in a very long time, which is sad. #EconomyThings

Roy’s hot water isn’t just regular hot, it’s very hot. That’s Roy’s for you.

Anyway, what a nice and memorable day spent with my kid who almost treats me like a real person now! 18 is a cool age.

So, my cat Drew died on July 1 and you can imagine that my reading month was pretty fucked – books I might have liked in another lifetime were a chore to get through, books that were only slightly not great were like a blight on the entire history of literature.

1. We Used To Live Here by Daniel Hurst

I started this book the morning of July 1. Approximately 4 hours later, my cat would be dead. That is all I have to say about this book.

2. I Know You by Annabel Kantaria

I didn’t like this and don’t feel like discussing.

3. Listen for the Lie by Amy Tintera

I think I liked this but now I can’t remember. (Just checked Goodreads – yes, I liked it.)

4. Soul Comfort for Cat Lovers: Coping Wisdom for Heart and Soul After the Loss of a Beloved Feline by Liz Eastwood

My brother Corey sent me this book and while I don’t ever read self-help type books, this was so helpful and comforting. It inspired me to be proactive in the grief process – yes, I have definitely 100% been allowing myself to collapse into a puddle of tears, and this happens at least once a day still, but I’m not sure I would have found the motivation to actively seek out support through my friends, find and attend an actual pet grief support meeting, and most importantly – find myself a therapist. I can tell you that I still feel like absolute shit, but I have to imagine that I would feel even worse if none of these steps were taken.

This book also gave me hope that Drew is here somewhere, or there somewhere, and that I will meet her again (I am choking on grief as I type this – last night and this morning were tough and I thought I felt her getting onto the bed and want to believe that it was really her).

5. The Paradise Problem by Christina Lauren

Christina Lauren romps are usually just what my desiccated heart needs, but this one really fell flat for me. I wanted more paradise, less problems, I guess. I don’t know.

6. The Things We Do to Our Friends by Heather Darwent

I gave this 1 star because it was absolute trash. Shitty writing, shitty characters. BORING. What a waste of a beautiful cover.

7. While We Were Burning by Sara Koffi

Another case of the cover is better than the book.

8. The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix

I have hated every Grady Hendrix I’ve read, and this was no exception. Such a snooze. Sloppy plot development. TW for animal stuff. Shock value overload. His writing is actually so bad, you guys.

9. The Perfect Marriage by Jeneva Rose

OK finally a book I enjoyed. I picked this up after reading the author’s most recent release, as this is the one that put her name on the map I guess. Plus, Megan had already read it and loved it and it’s about to be turned into a movie I think? It was twisty and provided the escape that I was desperately seeking (Susan).

Also, I started following Jeneva on Instagram and she is effortlessly hilarious which makes me appreciate her books that much more.

10. Every Last Fear by Alex Finlay

I haven’t liked any of this guy’s books I’ve previously read, but this one surprised me. A compelling family mystery / thriller that actually didn’t make me cringe or roll my eyes. My book reviews are good.

11. Bad Men by Julie Mae Cohen

Witty, dark, and entertaining! The body count wasn’t as high as I would have liked, but I really enjoyed the murderess. A tad predictable but it was still a fun read, one that I would have probably enjoyed a whole lot more if life wasn’t so wrecked currently.

I still have another Storyland photo dump as if anyone was worried about that. But here are some stray photos from my camera roll from after we left and started our drive home. I didn’t live blog because if I remember correctly my blog was down that day, what else is new anymore, so these are just kind of chilling with nowhere to go.

Henry wanted to GET STRAIGHT HOME, NO STOPS, NO DETOURS because we had a realllly long drive ahead of us and weren’t slated to get home until midnight. Well, it ended up being almost 3AM in reality because we did stop a lot and also it stormed at one point when we were in NY, and it was just a really long and aggravating drive – and yes we all took turns driving.

Almost immediately after leaving Storyland, I saw this cute covered bridge gift shop and Henry was like JESUS CHRIST when I made him pull over and then I didn’t even buy anything haha.

Chooch and I were competing with each other to get the best pictures from the car. Honestly though this whole White Mountain area was so beautiful and I am so sad that we didn’t have more time to stop and be leisurely (well, we could have had more time if Henry had taken the next day off which was MY BIRTHDAY but his job is more important than my happiness – UNDERSTOOD).

We stopped here for coffee but I got WEIRD VIBES so we walked out, which Henry hates doing but why would I still buy something if I wasn’t feeling it? Then he’d have just bitched about me wasting money SO I CANT WIN. Do not give me that “poor Henry” bullshit!

We ended up stopping in WOODSTOCK NH which is apparently 10.5 hours away from Pgh lololol.

The coffee was fine but they didn’t have pie??!!

Aside from 87 gas stations, 45 rest stops, and 1 Dunkin’ for a green goddess wrap (chooch and I are obsessed), I really can’t think of anything else worth talking about because I was still depressed and rearin’ to fight at every juncture. I think Henry had finally just opted to not make eye contact with me after a while to preserve the un-bitten state of his head.

This was one incredibly dysfunctional road trip. I don’t necessarily regret it but I currently associate it with manic mood swings and uncontrollable sobbing. One day maybe I will be able to compartmentalize that part and look back “fondly” (lol) on the good moments!

We spent the day in southern (?) West Virginia yesterday. I think it was southern. I don’t feel like looking at a map but I think we were at the bottom-ish of the state in Huntington. The main….attraction? was Camden Park which I’ll recap later in its own post, but afterward we had a late lunch (linner, really) at a nearby fastfood joint called Frostop. I saw it on Roadside America last week when I was scoping out the area around Camden Park and this was on there all thanks to the large, rotating mug of root beer that sits atop the snack shack like a crowned jewel of fastfood royalty.

I also saw that they have grilled cheese on the menu so it was a must-do at that point. Plus, I like root beer just fine.

Because I’m a fucking doof, I always search YouTube for videos on places that we are going to visit so I thought outloud, “I wonder if anyone made any Frostop videos?” Oh Erin, babe. Honey bunny with the half brain. Of course people have made videos about visiting Frostop. This is 21st century America. We the people have nothing better to do and there is an audience for anything. So, I found a video filmed last year and in that video, the girl working there that was being “interviewed” (ACTUALLY MIGHT HAVE BEEN OUR SERVER FROM YESTERDAY) said that the mug was not currently spinning because of some mechanical issue that was being looked at. So, that was a concern we had! I ONLY WANTED TO GO TO THIS PLACE TO SEE THE SPINNING ROOT BEER MUG! I WAS PROMISED A SPINNING ROOT BEER MUG!

As we drove down the road closer to its location, Henry spotted the mug on the horizon and HOLLERED, “It’s spinning!!!” I mean, great, but let’s not shout about it!?

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I guess Frostop is actually a brand of root beer and other “grandpa’s favorite” adjacent bevvies. For instance, I am 100% certain if I texted my dad right now and asked if he knows what Frostop is, he will fire back with an entire history of the brand alongside a picture of one of his pop machines with a row of Frostop for the taking. My dad LOVES pop, especially old-fashioned types.

But Frostop also has several “Drive-ins” in certain states, and the one in Huntington happens to be the closest one to us here in Pittsburgh so I really felt like we needed to stop here (even though Hillbilly Hot Dogs several miles away looked waaaaay cooler and actually veg options?!).

First impression: the girl who was working there yesterday was very friendly and personable and determined immediately that we were city folk who needed extra guidance. She explained that we could either stay in our car for CAR SERVICE (I didn’t realize this was a legit “drive-in”!) or we could sit at one of the umbrella’d tables and she’d be with us in a minute.

Second first impression: I LOVED THE AMBIANCE. Brown and cream is so ugly together but somehow it just works in these types of situations.

So honestly, this place could have had shitty food and I would still have enjoyed my time there. It was just my style. Add it to the list with Pal’s Sudden Service and Mr. Happy’s. 

And Mama Steve’s and Mr. Pancake.

The expressions.

I would like to note that Mush Brain struck again when the server asked what I wanted to drink and I confidently said, “Mountain Dew.”

“Sorry, we only have Coke products,” she said, and I was like, in my Mush Brain, thinking that was weird considering this was literally named for its root beer and that’s when I realized that MOUNTAIN DEW inexplicably came out of my mouth instead of root beer?!

“Oh! I meant to say root beer,” I corrected myself. “I don’t know why I said Mountain Dew,” and then I glanced at Henry who was looking at me with “are you having a stroke?” eyes. You guys, Mountain Dew was my drink of choice for pretty much all of my teens and into my early 20s until I basically quit drinking pop / soda cold turkey so I can’t even remember the last time I actually ordered a Mountain Dew at a restaurant or pulled one out of a cooler in a gas station, yet for some reason it rolled so effortlessly and familiarly off my tongue like I blinked and it was 2001 again.

Bizarre.

But yes, I know I said I never drink sodas anymore but I had to make an exception and get the root beer that they are famously named for! You can’t go to Frostop and not get a Frostop, or so I hear!

Chooch got a lemonade and we both opted to get our drinks in mugs. Henry got his in a to-go cup for some reason.

OK, HERE’S THE REVIEW: The root beer tasted like ordinary root beer to me (also, I’m glad that in the video we watched, the guys got root beer floats because prior to watching that I had grand designs to float it up but then I saw them and they are MASSIVE. It would have knocked me out for the day, and I might have had to puke at some point on the way home, not trying to be vulgar for once, just honest!!!). The grilled cheese was a big time meh. The bread was meh, it was barely “grilled,” and the cheese was soooo bad, like something you’d expect to be served up in a nursing home. Like, if my brain was cheese – mushy, but less melted. It was very strange cheese.

So, don’t get the grilled cheese. If you eat meat, Henry ordered BOTH the burger AND weiner and said they both good.

BUT YO.

THE ONION RINGS.

Wooooooo baby. Those were some of the BEST onion rings I’ve ever had. Also, note that I am super picky re: onion rings and onions in general. I hate when the onion is still practically raw and crunchy, and I also hate when you bite into it and the entire strand of onion is pulled out.

This was the PERFECT medium – not raw, but just crisp enough that one bite would sever the onion AND it didn’t have that slimy worm feel to it. I was so happy with these onion rings, but my stomach was NOT. Even without indulging in a root beer float, I still ended up down for the count and actually thought I was going to have to throw up before we even left the place. My bitch baby stomach just cannot handle anything greater than peanut butter toast these days, it’s so pathetic.

I did not end up puking, you’ll be pleased to know, and was able to last long enough at the table to BUY A FROSTOP SHIRT. The last 5 or so years, I have been in my commemorative diner/restaurant t-shirt or mug era. It’s so random and Henry doesn’t even hesitate anymore when I say, “I have to get a shirt.”

So, I now happily own a Frostop shirt just like the ones the employees wear!

“Aren’t you excited to inherit all of my diner and fastfood t-shirts when I die?” I asked Chooch.

“Yeah, I am so excited. I can’t wait,” he said in a monotone slick with onion ring grease.

“And my haunted house journals!” I added gleefully.

“I’m excited to burn those,” he said.

WOW.

And that was our memorable time at Frostop. SHOULD I TRY TO VISIT ALL OF THEM NOW?!