Apr 17

Easter: A Pictorial Recap

Category: holidays


I was really looking forward to dyeing eggs on Saturday night. Alisha came over and even though she’ll deny this, she was super stoked to get all up in the Paas.

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Unfortunately, my party was crashed and I was quickly reminded of how teenage girls take the douche crown. One of them even had the audacity to ask if Chooch can understand words. I don’t know, can YOU?

But that is a rant for another day.

Chooch seemed to enjoy himself at least, and that made me happy (even though I did a lot of internal cringing as I watched his sleeve get stained with dye).

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Also, the Penguins won and that was a very good consolation as well.


Easter morning started out decent enough. Chooch tore through his basket, which was filled with really annoying toys, like a potato gun, squirt guns, and one of those Let’s Go Fishin’! games which make incessant plastic gear-grinding music and he doesn’t even play it right which makes me nervous because god forbid he should lose any of the fish, then the game will be RUINED. I HATE missing pieces. HATE!!


He also got one of those pooping pig keychains, and also a Dracula keychain, so I guess now he’ll have to get some keys. Perhaps when I finally get my wish of building him his own house 50 miles away* from mine, he’ll have a need for the keychains. (* A joke! Really, I’m thinking of five states away. Though, as he’s upstairs right now throwing tantrums, Alaska is looking very sexy.)

Shortly after basket-ravaging, my aunt called and stressed me all out (re: my mother) and my heart was palpitating so hard that if there were any vampires in the vicinity, they’d have been salivating on my doorstep. Apparently my mother is telling people that I’m not speaking to her because sometime back in October, I wanted to go to a haunted house but she wouldn’t babysit for me. Yes, that’s it exactly,  mother. Because I’m fifteen years old and that is where my priorities lie.

And then after that, my ex-best friend and I had a fight too and I was like, “Happy fucking Easter, where’s my shotgun?!” She is so lucky she lives five hours away and I don’t care enough about her to waste my time by driving there and kicking her in her gap-toothed lying mouth. I hate a fucking liar.

(Clearly I don’t respond well to being fucked over.)

Happily though, Dyanna and Alisha came over that night for a casual We Have No Family In Pittsburgh Easter Dinner. Henry made spaghetti and some digusting soil-crusted meat-product that snaked malignantly across the plate and taunted me with its fleshy petulance.


I could have done without that, meating-up my lovely dinner party. I was also disturbed that Henry bought Cool Whip for the pie, and not ice cream. Who puts Cool Whip on apple pie? NOT ME. A la mode does not mean WITH COOL WHIP, it means SUFFOCATED UNDER A SOPPING WET BALL OF FUCKING DELICIOUS ICE CREAM. And don’t even get me started on the pineapple upside down pie. With pecans. It’s meant to be CAKE. NOT PIE. It was very upsetting to a pineapple upside down CAKE afficionado (i.e. myself) to not get to have that satisfying sensation of the fork splooging down into the moist and springy mound of CAKE. You know exactly what I’m talking about, don’t front. The way the pineapple syrup bullshit coagulates into a sticky glaze? Has ever there been a dessert so demanding to be fucked by your mouth?

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Fuck you, Aunt Martha, whoever the piss you are, making a mockery of the entire institution of pie.

Most of the night, Chooch rode sinisterly back and forth through the house on his tricycle, like that midget thing from “Saw,” blurting out lovely sentiments like, “Shut up, I hate you, bitch.” Then he went to bed and I made Alisha and Dyanna watch the Eternal Word Television Network with me, because it’s my favorite thing to do when I have company. Seeing Alisha squirm and hide under her hoodie during a riveting show that consisting of nothing else but a bunch of nuns reciting the rosary in unison completely made up for the stress I endured earlier in the day. And then Dyanna got the hiccups and I couldn’t stop laughing and eventually I had to bury my head in a pillow.

It was a really good evening.

I never did get over the pie perturbance, though.


21 Comments so far

  1. Alisha April 17th, 2009 1:00 pm

    I STILL don’t understand why there can’t be pecans on the pinaple thing.

  2. Alisha April 17th, 2009 1:00 pm


  3. Tuna Tar-Tart April 17th, 2009 1:04 pm

    I don’t mind pecans! I just never had them on pineapple upside down cake!

    But the bigger issue that you’re overlooking here, Alisha, is the fact that it was PIE and not CAKE!


  4. Alisha April 17th, 2009 1:08 pm

    Well, as you know..anything that has cherries..has already lost my vote. Pecans or no.

  5. Dyanna April 17th, 2009 1:05 pm

    Today isn’t a good day for spelling is it? You apparently misspelled something in your title originally, Alisha misspelled pineapple, and just now when I was typing my NAME up there ^^ I misspelled it. Dyanan is not a name. Or at least, it’s not mine. Cripes.

    Thank you for having me over. The spaghetti and meatballs and bread were awesome. I wasn’t sure if I liked apple pie or not, and it was pretty good. I was unsure about that pineapple pie, and I’m glad I skipped it.

    Also, those weren’t just hiccups. Those were hiccups from hell!

  6. Dyanna April 17th, 2009 1:05 pm

    Also, holy crap, are you excited for tomorrow?!

  7. Tuna Tar-Tart April 17th, 2009 1:11 pm

    AM I?? Yes! The universe seems opposed to me getting this tattoo, though. I’ve had two major financial blows this week, and just barely have enough left for tomorrow. (Purposely kept enough cash aside.) Now I just have to hope I’m not smashed by a meteor as I cross Black Cat’s threshhold, lol.

  8. Dyanna April 17th, 2009 1:50 pm

    Ugh that sucks about the money issues. I’m glad you had it set aside though. I lost my stupid debit card, and I was intending on going to the bank today but wasn’t able to leave work, so Justin’s going to get money out for me so I can get mine tomorrow. Plbbbtt.

    Dyanna´s last blog post..Nomad

  9. Tuna Tar-Tart April 17th, 2009 1:09 pm

    You would think with all the writing I do, I would be so fucking good at spelling. I actually am, mostly, but I’m just careless and lazy. Not a good combo when I’m posting things on the Internet, but OH WELL!

    Dutch apple pie is the best, IMHO. I will have to hook you up with some of that soon, and we’ll see if you like it. :)

    I’m glad you came over!

  10. Dyanna April 17th, 2009 1:51 pm

    Pie crust is probably the most annoying dessert thing in the whole world to me. It never seems to taste that great (unless it’s one of those oreo crumb dealies). But I will try this dutch apple pie business… what makes it dutch?

  11. Misty April 17th, 2009 1:38 pm

    cake always wins over pie.Pie is kinda like someone already chewed that stuff up for you ,put it in a crust and said here,”The first bite always tastes better and I tasted all the first bites for you”
    Your Easter sounds like it was pretty enjoyable we live in a town full of family members we never see and ours was spent with the people who matter also.

  12. Tuna Tar-Tart April 17th, 2009 4:15 pm

    HAHA, I will never look at pie the same now!

    Did you have a good Easter, I hope? And how was your birthday??

  13. Misty April 17th, 2009 4:39 pm

    Easter and birthday were both non-eventful but relaxing. Thanks for asking. I don’t care how old I am,I still refuse to act like an adult.

  14. Alyson Hell April 17th, 2009 1:49 pm

    “Henry made spaghetti and some digusting soil-crusted meat-product that snaked malignantly across the plate and taunted me with its fleshy petulance.”

    This is cracking me up so bad!

    “a riveting show that consisting of nothing else but a bunch of nuns reciting the rosary in unison completely made up for the stress I endured earlier in the day.”

    Wow. If it were a bunch of long-haired men in priest shirts doing that on the show, it would be wicked hot. Damn. Why haven’t I watched this channel?

  15. Tuna Tar-Tart April 17th, 2009 4:16 pm

    I wish you lived closer. :(

  16. Pynk April 17th, 2009 4:06 pm

    Hmmm…Pineapple Upside Down Cake does have nuts in it, as far as I know. That’s how I’ve always made it!

    I think your mom is secrety Candi Spelling. Do you remember having a sister named Tori??

    Erm…what tat are you getting?

  17. Tuna Tar-Tart April 17th, 2009 4:11 pm

    I have never, not once, had that with pecans! I love nuts so that wasn’t an issue. The pie part of it was the issue.

    My mom is definitely SOMETHING, I’m just not sure what yet. She’s frustrating and baffling, even with no contact.

    I’m getting lyrics from a Chiodos song on my arm, with a Tim Burton-y border around it. I’ve been trying to get this damn thing since last spring but something always happens. I’m anticipating the tattoo shop combusting upon my arrival.

  18. Pynk April 17th, 2009 4:39 pm

    I thought maybe no nuts was a regional thing, but it seems that putting nuts on it is not traditional! Even Betty Crocker said so. I got my recipe from a cake flour box when I was a teenager. Oh, well! I don’t use pecans, I use walnuts.

    And there’s a version where you use “almond flour” and no cherries that’s just divine.

    I have to agree with you about pie and ice cream. Pie beats cake hands-down because just about every pie you can think of only gets better with a scoop of good vanilla bean ice cream. Cake is just … there. Although, sadly, I can’t pass up cake, either.

  19. Ami April 17th, 2009 6:11 pm
  20. Tuna Tar-Tart April 17th, 2009 6:52 pm

    YES!! We an poop back and forth forever! Remember when I loved that movie???


  21. scintillated April 18th, 2009 8:49 pm

    I don’t remember Pineapple Upside Down Cake having nuts of any kind on it…*shrugs*

    Happy (or hoppy?) belated Easter!! =D

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