LoudTwitter is back so this is the last time my tweets will be jacked up, yay.
Henry walks through the house with the same earthquaking footsteps as Jack’s giant. It’s unnerving. #imgoodatnitpicking9:26 PM Aug 19th from TwitterBerry
The CW is apparently going to be monopolizing my evenings this fall.8:16 PM Aug 19th from TwitterBerry
There’s something not right about a three-year-old jumping around screaming, “Slit your own throat” but I’ll laugh anyway.1:49 PM Aug 19th from web
(@daisybones) Giveaway! 250 Custom Printed Greeting Cards from UPrinting/Digital Room http://networkedblogs.com/p…1:48 PM Aug 19th from web
My friend Maya (@swstichery) is having a HUGE giveaway! http://bit.ly/wJ9p211:45 AM Aug 19th from web
I wonder if Pepperidge Farms has room for me.10:25 AM Aug 19th from TwitterBerry
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Nothing makes me appreciate my phone more than using someone else’s.10:30 PM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
Henry’s sneezes sound even louder when there’s no electricity. This is like the bar exam for my mettle.9:19 PM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
Deathly silent in the house & then Chooch starts grinding his teeth. I’m being tested in a myriad of ways today. OH YAY NOW MORE HAMMERING.9:14 PM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
This is as close to camping as I ever want to get.9:10 PM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
Tonight, the neighbor drills. At least he started early.8:54 PM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
I imagine it’s one ring above standing in line at Walmart, the post office, the DMV, & getting pine cone-fucked all on the same day.7:57 PM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
In the hottest mall on Earth with numerous kmart bags looped on my arms while my kid rides a dragon. Not sure what ring of hell that is.7:52 PM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
Chooch asked me what was in his hand. After I said, “It’s a giant screw” Henry mumbled, “That’s my life.” I laffed xtra hard to anger him.6:42 PM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
Said hi to psychic neighbors. Henry goes “They prob already know yr name” & I figured he meant b/c I’m the town slut, but then I got it.3:21 PM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
The new people up the street are roof/driveway repairmen, sidewalk furniture peddlers &psychic astrologists. The cops were there on Friday.2:41 PM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
Ran around like an asshole during a torrential downpour & stomped in a huge puddle repeatedly with my kid; I feel decidedly better now.1:49 PM Aug 18th from txt
Chooch is walking around singing “if your stomach feels weak then my work here is done.” He goes for the full roar effect on “done.”1:39 PM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
@room3designs hopefully something super awesome like a piano falling on my head!12:51 PM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
In the span of 10 minutes, the electricity was shut off & my mom showed up for the first time since october. Head is officially spun.12:28 PM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
@Leah_Hamilton_6 ok @leah_hamilton_6, I’ll view yours if you view mine. Get your Valtrex ready!!!!#@*?!1:09 AM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
Hammering still. Set building for a Passion play? He better cast me as a leper whore. #whatevermylasttagwas1:07 AM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
Neighbor’s still hammering. I hate when I’m wrong. Clearly he’s building an ark. #itsabiblicalkindofnight12:43 AM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
I just heard a scream.12:34 AM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
It’s considerate of my neighbor to wait until 1230am to, what I can only deduce from the sound, start nailing a body to a cross.12:31 AM Aug 18th from TwitterBerry
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Oh my god I think I just realized that I have so many nightmares because I watch so many horror movies. Thanks for pointing that out, HENRY.10:41 PM Aug 17th from web
HENRY. Do not sass your employer. Next time, you get written up.7:26 PM Aug 17th from web
Chooch just said “My mommy hates you” to our neighbor. Fantastic!! At least it wasn’t a lie.7:03 PM Aug 17th from txt
every song on the new Used album feels so personal that it makes my face feel flushed.4:38 PM Aug 17th from web
busting out the Halloween cardzzzz http://bit.ly/wkqS2 via @addthis4:37 PM Aug 17th from web
Version: Golden http://bit.ly/14jTAE via @addthis4:20 PM Aug 17th from web
ChaCha sez: When using loose definitions, the coconut can be a fruit, a nut, a seed, but is mostly known as a drupaceous fruit.2:19 PM Aug 17th from TwitterBerry
Seriously. I had to call Henry to find out.1:27 PM Aug 17th from TwitterBerry
Chooch said that coconut is his fave vegetable. I laughed & said, “it’s not a vegetable!” Then when he asked “What is it?”, couldn’t think.1:25 PM Aug 17th from TwitterBerry
Sure, I’d swim in a flooded crypt. I’d bring my water wings just in case.11:55 AM Aug 17th from TwitterBerry
I really wish veins weren’t a necessary component to our being.10:49 AM Aug 17th from web
Breakfast Zombie Diorama made by @mrsevils. It is AMAZINGLY gory and full of zombie-ade. I’m obsessed. http://bit.ly/XuyMh10:45 AM Aug 17th from web
I know it’s late, I should be sleeping, but I can’t stop thinking about pepper.1:15 AM Aug 17th from TwitterBerry
I just did CPR on some dude who was dying. He still died. I took his watch. #thingsIdoinmyhead12:59 AM Aug 17th from TwitterBerry
@awoodhick plz fix my blogz0rz so that someday I can sleep again.12:50 AM Aug 17th from TwitterBerry
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Bitch, I don’t stroll. I RUSH.10:05 PM Aug 16th from TwitterBerry
I am so embarrassed for the Fresh Beat Band & their lame ass show hasn’t even premiered yet. It’s the new Hip Hop Harry.9:29 PM Aug 16th from txt
Today was surprisingly pleasant. For a Sunday.8:30 PM Aug 16th from BeTwittered
The hotter the better for cemetery walks, I always say.3:33 PM Aug 16th from TwitterBerry
I hate that I miss people who have no right being missed.1:18 PM Aug 16th from txt
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Don’t worry, Henry. I’ll pause the Degrassi movie while you add more vodka to your juice.11:33 PM Aug 15th from TwitterBerry
http://twitpic.com/e2bue – Wearing Filthy Frank this evening. I like how it has a vulgar ring to it.9:14 PM Aug 15th from TwitPic
Hey. I just realized that Henry has saddled Chooch and me with busy work to keep us quiet. I can’t believe I fell for that.8:47 PM Aug 15th from TwitterBerry
Henry is conducting the most delightful (& insightful) convo about skin color. Sounds like it could be the start of an amazing thesis.8:31 PM Aug 15th from TwitterBerry
I’ve been waiting years for Henry to make me lavender ice cream. Apparently the wait continues.6:40 PM Aug 15th from TwitterBerry
I need to go on a date with Confidence. Possibly even put out if I have to.4:23 PM Aug 15th from web
My eyes were not meant for 3D experiences.10:43 AM Aug 15th from txt
Loves being RT’d by @languageplease!1:24 AM Aug 15th from web
“Demons Among Us” wasn’t very scary but my suffocating fear of being gunned down in a random shooting spree made for a delightful walk home.1:22 AM Aug 15th from web
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Me: I’m sweating, that’s how nervous I am. [Waiting for Demons Among Us to start.] Janna: I’m sweating because I’m hot.11:17 PM Aug 14th from TwitterBerry
Sitting. In a balcony. With Janna. Hope I can overcome the urge to push her.11:13 PM Aug 14th from TwitterBerry
Is about to go to the Hollywood Theater if Janna would kindly abbreviate her urinating.11:00 PM Aug 14th from TwitterBerry
Srsly how do you guys survive the summer underneath beards? Fuck.10:20 PM Aug 14th from TwitterBerry
http://twitpic.com/dxo53 – My new accessory makes smiling tricky.10:19 PM Aug 14th from TwitPic
Or Janna burps in my face.10:07 PM Aug 14th from TwitterBerry
Going to the movies l8r w/ the new beard I fashioned from my hair. Should staple it into place in case a poorly timed breeze arrives.10:07 PM Aug 14th from TwitterBerry
I would so not go into the ocean after Janna if she was drunkenly wading to her death.10:01 PM Aug 14th from TwitterBerry
Janna is laughing at very srs parts of the Degrassi movie. What an insensitive prat.9:49 PM Aug 14th from TwitterBerry
“You were never a star. You were more like a….circle” is my new favorite line.9:44 PM Aug 14th from TwitterBerry
Do not want this Degrassi movie to endddd.9:09 PM Aug 14th from TwitterBerry
Anarbor would sound better to me right now if I was swinging on a playground with a cute boy. And I’m not talking ’bout no swingset.5:11 PM Aug 14th from web
Feels like a little bit of the weight has lifted.3:51 PM Aug 14th from TwitterBerry
Already posted this on Facebook but want to see if this works. http://twitvid.com/22C931:17 AM Aug 14th from API
Fuuuck, I’m getting excited for Xmas! I always hated the Lizzie Borden card & finally felt inspired to redesign it. http://bit.ly/3Xow8g11:08 PM Aug 13th from web
3 years old & he’s saying I ruined his life. I must be losing my touch because I ruined Henry’s life in way less time.8:32 PM Aug 13th from TwitterBerry
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