Being the classy parents we are, Henry and I nearly forgot to get Chooch’s picture with Santa. And standing in line with all the other asshole, last-minute parents, I seriously contemplated just photoshopping one and calling it a year. Instead, I snatched the keys off Henry and me and my chest pains sat in the car. My weak, grinchy heart just can’t take holiday crowds. Oh, I have boatloads of holiday cheer, my friends. When I’m alone in my living room with a glass of spiced wine, admiring my gaudy Christmas tree.
Much like being paged by Olive Garden, Henry alerted me when they were nearly next in line and I went back in to pretend like I’m a good mommy, and my ass immediately re-clenched when I had to shrug past a horde of line-standers.
I tried to coax Chooch into telling Santa he wanted a haircut, but instead (after he lied about being a good boy), when Santa asked what he wanted he mumbled, “Jack in the box.” He’s been on this bizarre, slightly worrisome jack in the box kick because it’s the J identifier in his ABC book. I imagine Santa was like, “Son, that was on my wishlist back in 1942.” Every time he tells me he wants one, I want to take him by the shoulders and give him a good shake, and then shout, “You’re supposed to want gratuitously violent toys that double as weapons when your father pisses me off. I mean, you. When daddy pisses you off.”
Do you know Target sells jack in the boxes for nearly twenty dollars? TWENTY DOLLARS for a piece of shit tin box with a deformed plastic clown whose only purpose of existence is to pop out and scare the fuck out of impressionable youths? Why do you think I’m thirty years old and jumping at the drop of a feather? BECAUSE I HAD A JACK IN THE BOX AS A CHILD.
And another reason I can’t get him a jack in the box is because I may have read somewhere once that there is a pornographic slice of cinema with a scene featuring a very well-endowed jack in the box.
That picture is soooo cute.Look at his rosy cheeks.
Thank you, Misty. Merry Christmas!
Chooch is adorable!
Yeah, the jack in the box is expensive, but believe me it’s worth it.
We’ve got a mini version of it and it stands up to kids throwing, stomping and dropping it.
I convinced my mom to buy him one, lol.
“Much like being paged by Olive Garden, Henry alerted me when they were nearly next in line and I went back in to pretend like I’m a good mommy, and my ass immediately re-clenched when I had to shrug past a horde of line-standers.”
That IS a cute as hell shot of Riley, though. Always love his wardrobe!
Thanks, Alyson! Thank god for Target and their affordable kids clothes or he’d be in a potato sack, lol.
Last night Tery showed me sketchysantas.com. This Santa isn’t sketchy at all! And I agree, Chooch has the rosiest cheeks ever. Hope it doesn’t affect his future as a scene kid. ; ) Merry Christmas
We take him to a little nursery place nearby called Meder’s and they always have the same Santa. It’s nice because most people just go to the Santa at the mall so there’s usually never a line, but like dummies we waited until the last night he was there to get it done.
Last year, Santa told Blake to pull up his pants so Blake refused to get in the picture, ha!
Merry Christmas to you and Tery!!
I love the picture!
Delia has a Max from Where the Wild Things Are in a box. It’s really cute and she likes it a lot, but I kind of miss the demented clown version. Not enough to drop money on a second Jack in the Box type toy though.