Part two of the highly anticipated Christmas Eve 2023 series (?? lol ok) is finally here, everyone. You can read this and then sleep peacefully, knowing that you will be granted entrance to 2024 with the knowledge of how some idiot broad in Pittsburgh spent her December holidays, etc.
We offered to host this year and switched it to Christmas Eve because my dad usually has a small dinner on Christmas with Ryan and Corey so it’s just less stressful all around to do it on a different night. Plus, I thought it would be nice to spend actual Christmas, just the three of us, with no rushing around, cleaning, cooking, etc. (LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT I WOULD BE SPENDING IT DOING NOTHING BUT SLEEPING AND MOANING ON MY DEATH BED.)
Earlier that day, Janna texted me and said that Christmas was cancelled with her family because both of her sisters were sick so I was like OMG COME TO MY HOUSE THEN! And she was like OK! And even brought krumkake! (Did I already talk about this, Leroy? It feels like I may have.)
Anyway, here in this photo, she’s sitting next to Chooch on the church pew looking like someone accused her of voter fraud.
Ew, ham.
Henry also made the vegan Wellington again! But this time he used the School Night Vegan recipe which is very intense and involved. I thought it turned out SO WELL(ington) but sadly, I was not able to eat any leftovers due to the Christmas Stomach Expulsion of 2023. Lowk (I JUST LEARNED THAT THE KIDS TYPE THIS INSTEAD OF LOWKEY – THAT IS NOT A TYPO), I can’t even really bear to type about the food because, you know, aversions, etc etc.
Oh god. I really really really thought when I first got sick in the middle of the night that I had just mixed too many different wines because I was feeling FUCKING FESTIVE that night and glugged my fucking face off.
I was trying to take guerrilla, candid spy pics way too quickly and they kept coming out blurry. Am I fucking spastic or just getting old? Pretty soon, I’ll have a forever-smudge on my camera lens that everyone else will notice but me.
At some point, Corey asked for an extra napkin after I thought I made it clear this was a “one napkin per diner” event, so I grudgingly gave him one because Christmas Spirit. And you know what he needed it for? TO CAPTURE TWO STINKBUGS* which he then presented to me like some Hero Exterminator on the way to throwing it in the garbage.
I screamed, and I mean SCREAMED, “OMG you didn’t kill them, did you?? We don’t kill stink bugs in this house!!” and he was so taken aback by this, like he truly thought I was joking. Thank god he hadn’t squashed them yet, and I made him release them immediately!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS, STINKBUG BABIES!!
*(I typed stinkboys at first and now that’s what I want to call them going forward.)
Don’t even get me started on the desserts!! It ended up being FINE but I realized really late into the week that we hadn’t even considered this part of the meal and I felt bad putting even more tasks on Henry’s shoulders, so I suggested we just go and pick up dessert from a bakery. The day before, we went to Prantl’s and of course it was slim pickins because hello, most places have holiday pre-orders but we missed the deadline for everywhere. There were two pies sitting on a table – cherry and berry, I think, neither of which caught my eye – so Henry asked, “You don’t happen to have an apple pie in the back, do you?”
OH OK suddenly taking initiative which, you know, great, sit Ubu sit good boy, but when it comes to DESSERT MATTERS, we need to DISCUSS THIS FIRST. Hello, side bar? So, now I’m fuming that he did this without consulting me because I didn’t WANT an apple pie? And then the Prantl’s lady was SO STOKED as she came back with the LAST ONE and I was like, “Yay, I guess we’re having apple pie for Christmas.” So of course I threw a fit in the car as we left (I am a monster, you don’t have to say it behind my back. These are very popular facts that have been wildly known for 44 years) and Henry was all, “LISTEN HERE, QUEEN B, DO YOU WANT ME TO GO BACK” and I was like “NO!!” which clearly translates to YES. He went back and also got two tortes (they are Pittsburgh Famous for their burnt almond tortes, FYI) and everyone was happy so Christmas wasn’t ruined.
Post-dinner VR. We were watching Johnny’s rollercoaster POVs from vacation!
The way that Chooch was dressed like he was going to the beach after dinner, though.
Siblings!
Also, post-dinner, we started talking about all of my blind dates, for some reason, and I kept holding up my phone to show the table pictures of these guys (and girl). Ryan goes, “How are you pulling up these pictures so fast?” and I was like, “Oh, I’m just searching their names on my blog!”
Duh.
UGH this fucking game. Codewords. I was half-drunk by this point and had a hard time focusing.
Chooch was my teammate and you can tell he was very happy about this.
Ryan and my mom had left by then lol.
Corey on a “work call” while drinking “coffee” from the Olson Twins coffee cup I got him, lol.
Corey’s Famous Spinach Dip.
EK, XMAS EVE 2023
Overall, it was a nice evening. No drama. Good company. Lots of laughs! Wish this had carried over to the next day, LOLOLOLOLLLLL.
(P.S. There was kind of drama when Chooch leaned over and clicked “follow” on the Instagram of a girl he goes to school with, causing her to text him, “Your mom requested to follow me on Instagram!” which isn’t embarrassing at all.)