Oh shit goddamn you guys, Chooch and I did it! We made it through three months of grueling Jillian Michaels abuse! I am so proud of us! We worked out diligently 6 days a week, even getting up extra early on a day we were traveling to Toronto in order to get our scheduled Cardio in! WHO EVEN ARE WE.

I have always hated cardio, which is why I was so happy when I found KpopX because finally – enjoyable cardio! But this program somehow made it bearable since we only had to do the cardio routines every third day, and the strength training levels got so hard as we continued to advance, that I found myself actually being relieved when it was cardio day.

Yes, I dropped a pant-size, but I am honestly just feeling really good, physically and mentally, and that’s all that matters to me. It’s not about the number on the scale anymore. I can do all kinds of crazy pushups now and that is more rewarding to me than anything else!

No wait I lied – the most rewarding part is that Chooch finally gets it, exercising isn’t a drag to him anymore, and he has been so excited to see tangible changes. For instance, he texted me in all caps today because they had a fitness test thing in gym. The last time, he was only able to do three sit-ups.

HE DID SEVENTY-FIVE TODAY.

How amazing is that??

We’re current looking for a new routine to start (Chooch said it had to still be Jillian though which is good because I love her) but in the meantime, we decided to do one last run-thru of Body Revolution, so like each level one last time over the next two weeks. We did level one tonight and were cracking up at how easy it was for us now. I toned muscles that I didn’t know I had, you guys.

This is the first time I ever made it to the end of an exercise program – I would usually get bored, lazy, or frustrated when I got to something I couldn’t do – and I owe it to Chooch. Partially because I was trying to set a good example but also because it just made it more fun….

er, tolerable...having a workout buddy. We cried and swore at the TV together A LOT.

Jillian for life!!

(I’m trying to get Chooch to start a fitness YouTube channel with me, lol. So far he’s a hard no.)

(But c’mon guys can’t you just picture it? Trudy the Mannequin could be one of the backup work-outers. We could put a pretty leotard on her, some sweat bands, vintage LA Gear hightops? YOU WOULDNT SUBSCRIBE TO THAT??)

Hey guys! Here’s your friendly greeting card merchant, checking in like a good shop owner! I’ve been getting some really blush-inducing feedback lately and I wanted to share – my customers are seriously the best. I love knowing that they’re happy with my products!

So today, I want to share some of my recent fave reviews not to toot my own horn but…yeah ok toot toot

First though, I finally redesigned my old, tired business card design! Granted m, it’s because I was almost out of the old ones and felt that was a good time to get off my ass and update them. I hated those old ones!

Anyway, here’s some feedback from both shops that have served as true pick-me-ups:

Ahhhhhh how cool is that??

Yes! I have had people tell me that they framed my cards before. Recently someone tagged me in an Instagram photo – someone had gifted them with a set of my serial killer notecards and they strung them up with clothespins on a piece of twine—I never even considered doing that! It made such a sinister bunting!

We really do mail these extremely well, in sturdy cardstock tombs! The cards themselves are sealed in a protective cellophane slip. All domestic orders come with tracking!

“Garishly gorgeous” is my new favorite description!

We use super high-quality paper with a linen-like texture! Not just your basic office supply store cardstock. And the notecards are backed with glitter cardstock! (Full-sized cards are backed with matte cardstock though, just a heads up!)

^^^^ this one tho!!

It really means a lot to have the quality of my cards recognized and my customer service appreciated. I really make it a point do whatever I can to ensure that everyone has a good experience shopping at Non Compos Cards and Hello Hanguk. I know how excited I get when someone gifts me something that is on brand with one of my obsessions so it makes me happy to know that the recipients of my cards are stoked and realize that someone went that extra step to find a card that’s relevant to their interests in lieu of just grabbing a basic flower-laden card at the corner mart.

If you can’t make your own cards, let me do it for you!

Post pictures of cats? Sure why not!

Penelope rests in her signature face-smash position after a strenuous round of screaming at her toys.

(I have never before had a cat who flat out yells at their toy mice and twist ties.)

Drewzilla. Her latest obsession is jumping on top of the fridge and it is driving me nuts.

Also, why does the tiniest bird in the yard gain her undivided attention but the biggest, wolfiest dog walking by with his owner gets a disinterested glance?

Cats, man. Amirite.

On this relatively boring Tuesday, I would like to share a song that has been etched into my eardrums ever since it was released last week.

FUN FACTS:

• Park Bom was once 1/4 of (arguably) the best Kpop girl group of all time, 2NE1. They disbanded way too early, after only 7 years together, at the end of 2016 right when I was really getting into Kpop and it’s always bummed me out that I didn’t get to experience them in real time.
• The girl who makes a cameo in the song and video is Dara, also a former member of 2NE1. There are always rumors that she and GDragon are dating and I wouldn’t be mad if it was true.
• Bom (봄) means “spring” in Korean.
• Park Bom had a scandal a few years back because her family in the US was sending her prescription pills for her ADHD that she was unable to get in Korea and even though she was never charged with anything, it still nearly killed her career and the fact that she had just this solo comeback is a HUGE DEAL.
• I read that the fact that she has foreign girls singing around her in that one scene in the video symbolizes that the foreign fans stuck by her through her “scandal” and subsequent hiatus while the Korean fans canceled her.
• 2NE1 was actually primed to be the first girl group to break into the US market but poor management & planning by their agency ruined that. Now that same agency is attempting to do it with their new girl group (Blackpink) and 2NE1 fans are not impressed.
• (I like both groups but 2NE1 is superior in my opinion.)
• You may have actually heard 2NE1 before and never known it! There was a routine YEARS ago on So You Think You Can Dance that used this song, and also it was in a commercial or two, I believe because I remember instantly recognizing it years later when I saw the music video for the first time:

And that’s all for this week’s Kpop101 lesson.

I’m really happy right now for a totally 100% vain reason and I don’t even care, I’m still going to write about it on here because IT’S MY LIFE (not to be confused with the seminal 1980s synthpop classic by Talk Talk).

But first, a story.

When I was a teenager, there was a clothing store in Oakland called Avalon that I loved to shop at. It has long since turned into a shitty second-hand chain (if it’s even still open at all?) but in the 1990s, it was a haven for skaters and goths and the in-between people like me who just liked to wear some outrageous pieces. I got so many crazy Elvira shoes & gogo boots there, and a long black skirt that said “Bitch” all over it, plus my favorite pair of overalls that I left in a hotel room in Australia.

(I was super into clothes before I became poor/had a kid/got depressed.)

One time, I bought this fucking gorgeous Lip Service blazer with dragons embroidered all over it. I was a pretty average weight at 19 (125-130 pounds) but I remember trying on the only size they had (a Small) and it was pretty snug. I bought it anyway because it was too cool to pass up.

I only wore that thing one time because it was so tight and uncomfortable that I was afraid I was going to bust through it like some kind of Hulk wannabe (apropos for my temperament). The night I wore it, to a birthday dinner for Lisa at the Office Lounge, I ran into one of my mom’s friends in the parking lot of my apartment complex. I guess she called my mom and mentioned the blazer because she thought it looked expensive because the next day, I got a call from my mom asking me about the “Oriental blazer” I was wearing the night before and how much did it cost. Lol — my mom paid my American Express back then and I always made her super nervous. (Like the time I used it to “invest” in some Internet Mall Ponzi scheme – HOO BOY that one almost got me disowned.)

Um, back to the blazer – it wasn’t EXORBITANT but it was definitely around $150, probably, so I never wanted to get rid of it, even though I just seemed to get fatter and fatter over the years, the possibility of ever wearing it again getting farther from my reach.

Today, something made me fish it out of the back of my closet and not only did it fit, but it fit correctly. There’s actually room in the arms now! And it buttons easily! I was so excited that I made Henry verify that it looked ok and then I commanded Chooch to take pictures because I just needed to see it to believe it.

Look, I know it’s not cool to lose weight just to fit in smaller clothes or whatever and that is not why I have been diligently exercising or watching my diet, but this blazer is like, symbolic to me because it represents a really great time in my life and to be able to put this thing on again and actually wear it instead of hiding it in my closet makes me so happy, but it also really proves to me just how hard I’ve been working and how much it finally shows.

Chooch and I are on the last two weeks of the Jillian Michaels Body Revolution program and I can honestly say I didn’t think we’d be able to hang this long into it but here we are, doing scorpion push-ups and fitting into small goth blazers from 1998. I am pretty proud.

When you take direction from a 12-year-old photographer.

I might sleep in this tonight. Don’t judge me.

Today is mild, the sun is out, and I am hard-pressed to find anything to complain about. Even though historically, some really bad things have happened in my life during March, I still love this month so much because with it comes the PROMISE OF SPRING. It’s not what I would consider “warm” outside today, but still, when Chooch and I walked to Muddy Cup for some afternoon beverages, I didn’t wear a coat and it was positively FREEING.

Then later on when I was in the car alone, I put on Pierce the Veil just to see how it would make me feel–I discovered them around this same time way back in 2007 on a drive to visit Ex-BFF in Cinci, so this is always The Post-Hardcore Season for me–and I was surprised at just how emotional I became as the very first note dropped. It made me feel super nostalgic (I haven’t listened to any of that old Warped Tour in about two years) but in a really good way, especially with the sun shining and the windows down….I felt like…me. Sometimes I lose myself a little, get buried beneath all the depression and anxiety, but Springtime Erin is always the Best Erin and I am so ready to shake off this winter sadness, bury all the heavy coats and scarves and snow boots, open all the goddamn windows, MAYBE BUY SOME NEW PLANTS!? There is a new botanical joint in Shadyside that I want to check out.

(Sorry, Henry.)

I know that there are some winter stans out there, but I think for the rest of us normal people, the seasonally-affected types, winter was made as a test of wills for us, something that we need to trudge through to ensure we will appreciate even the rainiest of spring nights and slice-the-humidity-with-a-knife summer afternoons.

For me, March is the light at the end of the tunnel and I will forever associate it with hope and relief.

And, Piece the Veil, evidently.

Be still my little post-hardcore heart.

Remember last week when I was like “blah blah blah I miss roller skating” and being my general whiny self about it? Well, I listened to the signs of the universe and persuaded Henry into revisiting Neville Roller Dome on Sunday!

Aaaaaaand I immediately remembered why we stopped going there: annoying people and a lame DJ, plus jerky owners. But, what can you do when it’s 2019 and rollerskating hasn’t been popular in like three decades? You learn to appreciate what you’re given, that’s what!

So even though there were four different birthday parties that day for bitchy teenage girls and Sunday skate is reserved for Radio Disney and CHRISTIAN CONTEMPORARY, I wiped off my resting bitch face and skated with a goddamn smile.

I learned that all of these newfangled current female singers sound exactly the same, like they’re trying to manipulate their voices to sound like its being dragged though a cheese grater, and it’s just not great, you guys. Not great at all.

And then the DJ announced the first birthday girl’s song which sounded weird and like something an old lady would request.

“What the fuck song is this???” I cried over the vibrato to Chooch.

“Seriously?? It’s Let It Go!” he said incredulously, looking at me like I just woke up from a coma.

Then the chorus came on and I said, “Ooooh, ok. I hear it now. Yeah.”

So apparently, I’ve made it this far in life without ever hearing anything other than the chorus of the dumb bitch song.

And then I immediately skated off the rink and joined Henry on a bench.

“I can’t skate to this song,” I said. And then when Sarah, the Let It Go birthday girl, paraded her hoochie-in-training girlfriends past us en route to the snack room for cake, I loudly said to Henry, “She has awful taste in music, wow!

”

But then apparently when Henry and Chooch were in the snack room later, Sarah’s mom offered Chooch just cake (he said no because he knew Jillian Michaels wouldn’t approve) so Chooch said that Sarah is cool but we can still hate her friends and I was OK with that because her one friend in a marigold sweater had the smuggest face ever and…ugh. Just ugh.

Henry doesn’t skate anymore, ever since getting his foot run over by a pallet jack, lol. So he just sat on the bench the whole time and looked at boring Old People crap on his phone. I would join him every once in a while, usually when a song came on that I couldn’t get behind, such as WHO LET THE DOGS OUT.

A big NO THANK YOU to that one.

I was pouting about how shitty the music selection was when Britney Spears’ Hold It Against Me cued up and I almost fell on my face in my mad scramble onto the rink. Now THAT is golden skate jam.

When we used to go to this rink religiously, back when it had different owners and ROLLER DJ was on deck, there was this one kid on roller blades who would request the Pokémon theme song every single Sunday and at first I thought it was so dumb but after a while, I was power-fisting around the rink like I was catchin’ em all. I miss that kid and I miss those days.

Meanwhile, the next birthday girl had her song played and it was AC/DC’s “Thunderstruck”?! Not what I was expecting.

Look, I know that not everyone is going to come out to the roller dome and skate like a motherfucking dream like me because the world isn’t perfect, but it’s hard to enjoy yourself when you’re playing slalom with all the little kids using skating walkers (those things are a HAZARD and should not be allowed!) or worrying that one of the older, but just as talentless, kids is going to bite it and take you down with them. I miss the days of Soul Skate! That was when some local urban skate crew would rent out the whole rink one Sunday night a month for an adult-only skate session full of real skate jams and the kinds of people who could actually dance on wheels.

I really want to continue skating, even if it’s not as regularly as we used to, but it’s not as fun now that Henry can’t skate and none of my friends ever want to go anymore, and I really don’t like that rink anymore but it’s the closest one, ugh #firstworldskatingprobs.

There is another rink in Charleroi that we went to several times and I loved everything about it except that I felt Goldilocks with the skate rental! Their skates are obnoxiously shitty and I actually threw a huge tantrum last time we there and demanded a refund even though Henry begged me not to and shirked away to hide in the car. BUT I WAS VICTORIOUS IN THE END! Anyway, Henry won’t go back to that one because of that time, but it was like 6 years ago so I think we’re safe.

Calvin came over to play last night and made Grandpa Hanky (??? I guess I just accidentally gave Henry his new halabeoji nickname) wear this unicorn headband that Chooch bought for himself at last year’s Santa Shop at school.

Immediately, it made me think of one of my favoritest, bestest photos of my pappap and me, which I actually had just dig up last week after finding this tattoo artist in Hongdae who does these really cool line sketches of family portraits, etc.

I just really like the idea of having that picture translated into simple lines.

Pappaps are the best. Now I’m depressed. Also exhausted because Chooch and I just finished workout #9 and now Chooch is in awe because he never knew I could do rockstar squats like a fucking beast. *blows on fingertips*

P.S. Calvin calls our cats “meow meows” and doesn’t understand why they run from him but it’s hilarious because they only stay hidden for a few minutes before creeping back out to observe him from afar. They’re confused/terrified of him but also extremely interested.

Sometimes I just feel like sharing old stories up in this piece and, well, I can because I’m the Queen Bitch of this Domain. Tonight, I chose this one from 2011 (2011!!) because Chooch was so little and angelic-looking back then plus it really illustrates how much respect we have for Henry in this household.

Also, getting locked out of the house is kind of just what we do around here.

ENJOYYYY.
***********

Goddammit, all I wanted to do was go for a nice, leisurely family stroll around our crappy town, but dum-dum Henry left the keys in the house and started flipping out about how it was my fault because I rushed him out of the house.

I was like, “Why can’t we just go for a walk and worry about this later?” which apparently was not a Great Idea based on the look of utter incredulity Henry flashed at me.

Chooch and I carried on like cackling assholes while Henry tore apart the garage for suitable items to MacGyver a battering ram. I mean, I guess if he hot-glued together all of his old porn VHS tapes from the SERVICE, he might have something to go on.

He ignored my suggestions of calling the landlord or heaving a cinder block through the window and instead considered using a can of gasoline to burn down the front door.

I’m surprised he didn’t go next door to ask Hot Naybor Chris for a breaking and entering consultation, considering those two once helped the gas man break into our neighbor’s house in order to shut off his gas before our house exploded.

Yeah, this has promise.

“What? I coulda done it. If only I had remembered to eat my individually-wrapped prunes today.”

“NOW I HAVE HEDGECLIPPERS! THESE WILL HELP! I WILL MANICURE THE WEEDS INTO SILHOUETTES OF MY REPUBLICAN HEROES WHILE STARING LONGINGLY INTO OUR FRONT WINDOW.”

These are some of the things Henry said while Chooch and I buzzed around him like flies on a bear:

• THAT’S ENOUGH!
• YOU’RE A LOT OF FUCKING HELP.
• GO SOMEWHERE AND PLAY!
• THIS IS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT. I DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO GO FOR A WALK!
• FML FML FML FML FML
• YEAH, THIS IS REAL FUCKING FUNNY.
• AND I JUST KNOW I’M MISSING “SHE’S CRAFTY.” MOTHER!
• YOU ASSHOLES CAN JUST STAY OUT HERE! I’LL FUCKING WALK TO WORK. AT LEAST I HAVE THOSE KEYS.

Oh God, Chooch. DON’T POKE THE BEAR!

…or KICK the bear. Henry almost gave Chooch “orphan” status after this.

Meanwhile, I found this fucker in the garage. WTF kind of creepshow is this!? I wish I had had it for my Murder Desk at work.

I was trying to chronicle this episode from all angles, which did not please the man one bit. He made like he was going to grab my phone off me and beat me with it, enlightening me on what it must be like to work for TMZ.

After fifteen minutes, Henry succeeded in prying open the window with a pair of pliers. Now you know how to break into my house and steal our cats. Seriously, it’s all we’ve got in there. Cats galore.

Just don’t forget to bring a small child to catapult through the window. (I mean, at least he’s going IN a window and not falling OUT of a window, right?)

You know that fucker is going to go to school tomorrow and tell his teacher about how his burglar parents made him shimmy up the side of a skyscraper.

Moments later, the house keys came whaling through the window straight at Henry’s face. Chooch rules.

“ENOUGH ALREADY.”

Reassembling the window.

And he did it all so he could go on a walk he did not want to go on in the first place. In this picture, I think he’s texting his boss: OMG I IS A HEROE. I NEED DAY OFF.

The only notable thing about this last weekend is that it was the last one of February! It really feels like we’re nearing winter’s finish line! ANY FUCKING DAY NOW.

I thought that we were supposed to have nice weather that weekend but I must have been looking at some other city’s weather forecast because I think it rained all day on Saturday? Why can’t I remember?! All I know is that Henry and I went for a walk to the post office and to whatever that cafe is on Brookline Blvd so I could buy a bag of what Henry thinks is overpriced coffee but hello it’s La Prima which is one of the best coffees in this shit city and it is what I like so until you start drinking coffee, shut your furry fucking mouth, Henrik the Dick.

(I’m so creative with my name-calling.)

Yeah I think most of Saturday was spent exercising, going on dreary walks, and watching K-dramas. Although that night, I wanted to watch a horror movie and, on recommendation of one of my favorite pin makers, I chose Digging Up the Marrow.

Look, I can find redeeming qualities in almost any horror movie because that is my favorite genre, and this movie did have its moments but I was pretty disappointed. There were so many loose ends! I kept asking Henry rhetorical questions two days later and he was just like, “Hold on, let me look at the script I wrote for this movie 5 years ago and see if I put the answers in there.”

Then came Sunday:

Chooch went to piano lessons. Bye Chooch. I stayed home and can’t remember what I did. I think I exercised and watched videos of NCT speaking different languages.

Janna came over that afternoon because we had coffee plans and ultimately decided to go to Orbis in Mt. Lebanon. The weather was super weird on Sunday and kept getting worse, but I swear when I whined about wanting to walk there, it wasn’t that bad yet.

Ok, it was pretty bad. It was starting to rain a little but the wind, oh Lord THE WIND. It was the kind of wind you’d imagine rushing out of the gates of Hell. We were only a block away and could have, should have, turned around to get the car, but I was like IT IS NOT THAT BAD. IT JUST FEELS BAD RIGHT NOW BC WE ARE WALKING UPHILL. I mean, we were bent over and walking headfirst into major barometric resistance.

(Lol I don’t know what barometric means.)

We probably looked like dumbasses to everyone driving past us, I mean NO ONE in their right mind was on foot in that wind-storm.

It got so bad when we were about halfway there that we had to duck inside the doorway of Erik’s Lighting because trees and store signs were swaying with a vengeance.

I had all these awful, catastrophic scenarios flying through my mind, like what if the wind gained micro-burst strength and tossed us into the air and we landed in the dreaded river on top of a dead body and rusty barge parts. Or if the Cain’s Saloon sign, which was dangerously swinging to and fro, snapped and flew straight into Janna, decapitating her crudely. And then her mom would slam me into a wall at the funeral home and wail, “WHY DID YOU MAKE HER WALK TO THAT FUCKING COFFEE SHOP I NEVER LIKED YOU AND ALWAYS TOLD JAN TO STAY AWAY FROM YOU BECAUSE YOURE TROU-HHAHAHAHAHAH-BLE!!!!!” And then I would show her the fake Kakao text log that I would have previously fabricated in secret under a blanket in my bed that showed me saying, “Hey, there’s a hint of decapitation in the air, let’s take my car to the cafe” and Janna is all, “No, I would prefer to walk. Don’t worry, if anything happens to me, it is totally, 100% my own fault and you shan’t be held accountable” because shan’t is a word Janna would probably use.

AND THEN IT STARTED TO HAIL!

Oh hahaha! What a miserable walk just for a cupping fuck of coffee.

YES.

CUPPING FUCK.

Also, the temperature was allegedly 45 degrees when we left so I didn’t wear a hat but by this point my ears felt like they were being repeatedly punched by a paragliding kangaroo. It was painful. And my hands were red and frozen because, you guessed it! No gloves.

I think I’m an adult?

Janna looked like her spirit had actually been blown out of her body, she was expressionless and barely talking to me.

“Hey, you wanted to hang out,” I reminded her.

My favorite part is when we finally got to the block that Orbis lives on but I forgot how far down it actually was and started internally panicking because I thought IT WASNT THERE ANYMORE. But then I saw the sign and felt relief until I realized I DIDNT CHECK TO SEE WHAT TIME THEY CLOSED. Some cafes close at 2 on Sundays! But thank god, it was open for another hour.

One of the baristas asked us what it was like out there and I blurted out WELL WE STUPIDLY WALKED HERE FROM BROOKLINE AND IT WAS PRETTY TERRIBLE and Janna was still trying to repair her broken spirit with a piece of chewing gum and some coffee stirrers so she didn’t say much.

She did however check a map to see how far we walked and I was like, “Oh it was only 1.6 miles!” Except add in a weird baby-tornado and face-smacking hail. That kind of makes a difference I guess.

But our drinks were warm and good and we treated ourselves to sugar-carbs, plus Henry came to pick us up because, yeah. We weren’t tryna round-trip that brutality.

Back at my house, Chooch and I forced Janna to watch rollercoaster POVs and Kpop stuff and then Chooch taught her what pansexual and gender fluid means because middle school kids know it all, however, I was offended that she didn’t remember pansexuality from when I wrote a post in my fake LiveJournal I ghost-wrote for her (pelvic_exam, lol) called Janna’s Pansexual Thanksgiving.

Ugh, oh well. That was my weekend.

Last week, one of my co-workers called out from her office, “So Erin, which date are you going to?”

I paused. “Oh, Lol—you mean for BTS?”

She said yes and I shook my head. “None. I just saw them in September and there’s a rumor that another group I like better is going to come to the US!”

She seemed shocked when I said that BTS isn’t really in my top 5, even (but don’t get me wrong, I do like them a lot!).

I explained that there are so many other groups out there that it’s impossible for me to put all my k-eggs in one kimchi pot, and she asked why it is that only BTS has really made it big in America.

I just shrugged. “I think America can only handle one Korean group right now,” and Regina just cracked up because it’s fucking true! America needs spoon fed! Foreign things are scary and weird, ew what are they saying, gross!

?

Honestly, I think in addition to their talent, it’s also timing, luck, and the fact that they have a literally army of dedicated fans who know how to aggressively work social media. But….it doesn’t mean that they’re the best ones out there and people should really do some exploring into the genre because it’s fascinating and full of gems!

Then tonight my friend Veronica sent me a message on IG – NCT127 formally announced their tour!

I AM SO STOKED! I mean, assuming that I can get a ticket.

My wallet has fucking crumbs in it at this point but I’ll find a way.

So today was RULL awesome! I got to work bright and early, actually nearly 30 minutes early, and I was just casually hanging out at Margie’s desk, talking about acorns and snakes (????), holding my coffee supplies in my hands, when suddenly, Lauren came bursting onto the scene.

At first I was like, “oh yay, there’s Lauren! Hi Laur—” and then that quickly morphed into a, “WAIT WHY ARE YOU HERE I THOUGHT YOU WERE LATE SHIFT?!”

She was just like, “Nope, not me” and then Glenn piped up from his desk, “Roll Call says “Erin late shift, working from home’.”

FALALALAFUCK!!

I was so pissed that I wasted a whole morning waking up early, getting ready for work, begging Henry to drive me to work, when I could have been chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’ all cool in a messy bun in my living room.

Goddammit!!!!!

“Welp, byeeeee!” I cried to everyone and Lauren was like, “you don’t wanna stay and hang out??” NOPE! Not wasting a precious “work from home” day!

So I grabbed my purse and ran out to catch the trolley. Luckily, Chooch had a two-hour delay today so I called him in a panted and cried, “DO NOT LOCK THE DOOR WHEN YOU LEAVE! I AM COMING HOME!” because if you’re a card-carrying member of the OhHonestlyErin frequent reader club, or work with me and have to hear me whine, you know that I do not have my original house key and I cannot use Henry’s or Chooch’s house keys because they were cut stupidly and I always cut my hand when I try to wrench it into the lock.

Ughhhhh.

So then I got home and instead of relaxing for the 90 minutes I had left before I had to start working, it occurred to me that I should probably do a test run because we recently had an upgrade at work and I wanted to make sure I could connect.

I COULD NOT CONNECT. So I had to spend 30 of my 90 free minutes on the phone with the HELP DESK UGH and they gave me a work-around which was fine but my Outlook was missing all the shared inboxes I use daily and I was like HELLO I NEED THESE but then the help desk wasn’t answering me so I had to work on some weird generic work desktop, using only ONE SCREEN (the horror!!) and eventually I was resigned to the fact that I was probably going to have to just hop back on the trolley and work my late shift from the office (and my co-workers *cough*Glenn&Todd*throat clear* would never let me live that one down) when finally my help desk hero came through and called me with a BETTER SOLUTION that enabled me to connect to my actual desktop and holyyyyyyy shit this blog post is so boring.

The moral of this story though is ALWAYS REMEMBER TO SET AN ALERT WHEN YOU ADD SHIT TO YOUR PHONE CALENDAR. I had “late shift” in my phone for today but A LOT OF GOOD THAT DID with no alert set.

Other than that, great Monday! No complaints!

My life lately has been consuming every piece of footage I can find on YouTube during Taemin’s “Want” comeback cycle, scream-singing jingles to the cats about my every movement, and having stress dreams about work. So basically, nothing to see here, haha.

Ha.

Ugh.

But I do have some pictures on my phone that I need to dump into this blog-commode, and of course those pictures come with words, apologies in advance. I’ll try to limit it to five things because that would be staying true to the title of this blog and keep me an honest woman.

(EVEN THOUGH HENRY NEVER MADE ME AN HONEST WOMAN IN THE FIRST PLACE.)

1. Bad Ice Cream

I know what you’re thinking, “Poppycock!” because you live inside a Dickens novel probably, but it’s true: we had a bad ice cream experience last Saturday and I’m still very sad about it. You know I love Millie’s. Everyone knows I love Millie’s. I have been singing their praises for years, ever since they opened a storefront, even though they replaced my then-favorite ice cream joint, Oh Yeah. I have been taking out-of-town friends to Millie’s, arranging “off-site work meetings-slash-team building” field trips to the Millie’s downtown, and basically I just pimp the fuck out of Millie’s like she’s a real life corner-stander in fishnets.

Chooch and I were RULL stoked to go to Millie’s on this particular day because they recently started a limited flavor series called Love Letters where they partner up with other local food businesses, like chocolatiers, honey makers, cheese….rs? You get what I’m saying. We both really had our hearts set on this one that was made with some dude’s fresh ricotta or whatever, mixed with almonds, and topped with an optional drizzle of Mike’s Hot Honey which hello, that’s the same honey I had on my pizza in NYC and it was THE BIZZ.  But once we got there, Chooch changed his mind and was going to get some chocolate hazelnut thing instead, which was also a Love Letter.

Right off the bat, I got BAD VIBES from the young girl working. She was surly. No personality. Seemed super rushed. First, I watched her be incredibly rude to the couple in front of us (young Asians, so you know I was on their side), sighing heavily as they asked for samples.

Then when it was our turn, Chooch tried to order that hazelnut thing and she cut him off with a curt, “We’re out of that.” WELL, PUT SOMETHING ON THE SIGN THEN, HON. So he instead got some orange floral flavor which I didn’t think he would like but he did, so at least one of us had a happy ending.

When it was my turn, I ordered the Owner of a Tony Heart or whatever it was called, and she very exasperatedly said, “Cup or cone” like bitch, lemme finish and you’d know. When she handed the cup to me, I said, “Can I also have the honey driz—-”

“We’re out of that,” she snapped, yet somehow retaining her no-personality blankness.

You guys.

I was super off-put by this. I have always had wonderful service at Millie’s so this came as somewhat of a shock to me, not like I’ve never had shitty service before, but you know.

But worst of all, when I started to eat my ice cream, IT DID NOT TASTE OF SWEET CHEESE AT ALL. It tasted plain! Like vanilla! So I of course pouted over this and Henry was like, “Please just take my ice cream” but at that point, I didn’t EVEN WANT ICE CREAM ANYMORE. Look, I don’t pig-out on ice cream very often anymore and I considered this to be a special treat since Chooch and I have been working out with Jillian so hard. I DIDN’T WANT TO WASTE THE CALORIES ON SOMETHING I DIDN’T TRULY WANT!

I realize that this is about as first world probz as it comes. I am a very self-aware peoples.

So first I complained about it on Twitter and my fellow ice-cream aficionado Chris of Chronica Fame immediately replied and we commiserated about my woes publicly for all to see. THEN I TOOK IT NEXT LEVEL and commented on the picture of the ricotta ice cream that Millie’s had recently posted and said, “Mine did not look like that and you were out of the honey *Sad face*”

Almost immediately, they DMd me! Through a congenial back-and-forth, we deduced that I likely did not get the right scoop and at this point I made sure to let the spokesperson know that the broad slinging that ‘cream was ambivalent at best and they were like OH NO PLZ DESCRIBE HER so that was awkward but I did it and they came back and said that she had actually been called in on her day off but they were not excusing her attitude and will have a talk with her ASAP so then I just felt guilty because we all have our bad days, and I hope that she is actually always like this because those types of people NEED TO BE TOLD ON.

And that’s what I’m here for. Tattletale till I die.

Oh yeah, so this was resolved by Millie’s offering me a free pint of any flavor I want and now I have to go back ASAP and try a REAL scoop of that ricotta stuff and thank god they have other locations now because I’ll probably never go back to the one in Shadyside ever again now that I NARC’d.

2. EATING WITH WORK FRIENDS

I have been pretty sheltered lately, not really on purpose but because I’m so distracted with my hobbies and whatever that I have been slacking at making plans. However! I had food plans two Saturdays in a row with friends and it was a nice shot of social stability.

Two Saturdays ago, I had breakfast at Pamela’s with Jeannie, Wendy, and Summer. We didn’t talk about work at all! It was really nice and tranquil until Jeannie started showing Summer (Wendy’s three-year-old daughter) pictures of her dog because we’re always vying for Summer’s attention. She was already unimpressed with my Everland popcorn purse so then I started showing her pictures of my cats to counteract Jeannie’s dog (ugh he’s cute though but I wanted my cats to win!). Then I pulled out the big guns and started showing her gifs of Taemin and Jinu. She gave me this bored look and was probably wondering how old I am.

(Side note: Then I went home and got a weird stomach bug which only lasted half the day so I’m not sure if it was my food or what. But yeah, that happened, and that’s also how I “accidentally” started watching You on Netflix which Glenn had mentioned that he and his wife were watching but when I saw that PENN BADGLEY is in it, I was interested. I was excited to tell Glenn on Monday that I was watching it and that DAN HUMPHREY from GOSSIP GIRL is in it.

“I didn’t watch that,” he mumbled.

So then I gave him a major spoiler and he mumbled, “Again, I really don’t care.” WOW.)

This last Saturday, BARB and I had lunch at Blue Flame! BARB sent her bacon back because it tasted like fish and this is still endlessly funny to me, so much that when Henry asked me later how Barb is doing, I said, “She sent back her bacon because it tasted like fish” and then I started cracking up.

I always learn the best little nuggets about Barb every time we hang out. This time, she was proud to tell me that she is not as obsessed with Tom Jones anymore (that actually made me sad!) and that when she was younger and traveling with her dad for hockey games, she and her friends would go to the front desk of the hotels and have “Mike Hunt” paged. LOLOLOLOL BARB IS THE BEST. I couldn’t wait to tell Chooch! He didn’t get it at first and just kept saying “Mike Hunt?” over and over which made it even funnier.

Penelope occasionally  wakes me up in the middle of the night because she is straight SCREAMING at this old, dirty yellow pompom that she either loves or hates, I can’t tell, and it is so annoying. I got more sleep when Chooch was an infant, I swear.

3. Stress-ships

I mentioned earlier in this post that I have been having stress dreams and I actually started to write a blog post about it the other night but then I was like THIS AIN’T NO DREAM JOURNAL, YO. However!! Janna had a stress dream about me and I wanted to share it because it’s basically the perfect analogy for our friendship, or, stress-ship.

So apparently in this dream, I had given Janna a thing of blueberries to hold for me but then she ate them and started to panic because I was going to come back for them so she started running around trying to find more blueberries but people kept snatching them from her hands and this made me LOL so much when she told me because that’s exactly the kind of friend I am – the kind that would get pissed and maybe even slap a person if they ate my blueberries.

And I don’t even like blueberries that much! But I would still be mad!

4. A LOT OF MICHAEL MCDONALD 

I naturally do this thing where I sing what I’m saying, which is something that Henry and Chooch love and cherish about me. Lately, after almost every infuriating convo with my aforementioned almost-teen, I walk away singing Michael McDonald’s “I Keep Forgetting” in my head except the lyrics are “I keep forgetting you fucking know everything. I keep forgetting my brain’ll never be as big as yours.”‬

IT MUST BE SO BURDENSOME KNOWING EVERYTHING.

Speaking of Michael McDonald!

Guys, you remember a few weeks ago when we were driving home from Toronto and I heard that old 80s jam “Yah Mo Be There” by James Ingram? Well, that song also features Michael McDonald and when I was talking to Todd about it at work the next day, Glenn kept interrupting to say it was the Doobie Brothers and I was like, “No, it was Michael McDonald” and he again mumbled that it was the Doobie Brothers and I snapped, “NO IT WAS JUST ONE DOOBIE, GLENN! JUST THE ONE! MICHAEL MCDONALD!” Ugh, goddammit.

Anyway, THE VERY NEXT DAY JAMES INGRAM DIED. We were all stunned. It was like the time I unfriended someone on Facebook and then he died. Glenn even said he had goosebumps.

OK, that part wasn’t about Michael McDonald, but it was kind of related.

This also just brought back a memory of when I started dating my ex-boyfriend Jeff. He told me that everyone thought his step-dad looked like Michael McDonald.

“Eh, never mind. You probably don’t know who that is,” he said, not yet knowing that he was dating THE YACHT ROCK QUEEN.

When I eventually met his stepdad, I was like, “Holy shit, he does look like Michael McDonald!” It was uncanny, really. You had to be there.

5. FESTERING FEELINGS ABOUT CERAMICS

Hey guys, I’m about to throw it back here for you. When I was in 4th or 5th grade, my mom and I decided to taken ceramics classes together and if we’re being honest here I’m pretty sure it was my idea. We started going to this place called KIRSTING CERAMICS which was run by a husband and wife in their basement which I know sounds like the premise of a student horror film (THE KILN) and everything was great at first, we painted and kiln’d lots of pumpkins and turkeys for the fall, but then my mom started MAKING FRIENDS there and IGNORING ME and Kathy’s husband was a fucking dickstick who was always acting like I shouldn’t be there when their dumb adopted daughter ran amok like a bull in a…ceramics shop BUT NO ONE EVER SAID SHIT ABOUT THAT.

Eventually, my mom started going without me and I know it was just like her escape from my stepdad or whatever, but I was super butt-hurt about it and reasoned that it was probably just because she was jealous that I was so much better at ceramics than her. Lol.

I don’t remember how long ago this was but those ceramic assholes eventually sold their house and now it’s State Farm Insurance.

“That’s actually where my mom was the night my dad THREW A FORK AT MY HAND ON ST PATRICK’S DAY!” I cried to Henry last week after we drove past the old Kirsting house and I subconsciously memory-purged this whole chapter of my life.

“WOW I GUESS I AM STILL MAD ABOUT THIS,” I yelled, and Henry was just like, “Wow, ya think.”

***************

The only way to officially end this post is with a Taemin outro, sorry. “Artistic Groove”‘ is the “b-side” he’s been also performing on all the music shows and at first it didn’t stop my heart or anything but it’s had a slow burn on me over the week and now I think I might like it more than “Want” – especially toward the end when he starts doing these things with his voice that remind me of my favorite Sophie B. Hawkins song (“Don’t Stop Swaying,” OBVI) and it is like warm nostalgia-syrup is being poured on my dumb pancake face.

I don’t know what that means exactly but it all starts around the 2:54 mark, and specifically at 3:07 he sounds like a goddamn angel and I want to punch Henry in the face for not being able to pull off wearing a white ruffled blouse.

…no really, I’m asking YOU.

So, we found ourselves in Newark, NJ again for the third time in just over half a year. That’s a lotta Newark, you guys. It’s easy for me to sit here and be like, “Boo hoo, Newark sucks”  but I realized that’s not very fair. Just because they not have a bustling tourism scene, Roadside America has little to mention about it, and YouTube isn’t overflowing with “Things to do in Newark” videos, doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s a shit-city, so if you know any hidden gems, please let me know because I’m sure we will end up there again sometime this year since that’s where all the Kpop artists want to perform.

(I will say that their street art is pretty fire, especially when compared to Pittsburgh’s bleak urban artscape. Step it up, P-burgh. We have the goddamn Warhol Museum here for shit’s sake, make Andy proud!)

But for this particular trip, we really only had enough time to grab a meal, so we ended up in nearby Jersey City, which is a place I wouldn’t mind spending more time when we’re not in a concert-rush, because it seems to be a pretty chill city. We went there specifically to eat at Pet Shop, a total hipster dive bar that also happens to have an extensive, full vegetarian/vegan menu. Henry walked into this experience with low expectations because he’s worse than me when it comes to pre-judging, but the vibe was super friendly here and we had an amazing waiter who was also the bartender and reminded me of someone famous but I’m out of the American loop so I can’t place it right now.

It’s called Pet Shop because it used to be a, you know, pet shop. Allegedly. THIS IS WHAT THAT BASTARD YELP SAYS. I’ve been stalking this place for quite some time though. I wanted to go there the last time we were in the area, last September, but it’s technically a bar so you can’t be lugging in your children after a certain time, you know? But this time we were there for a late lunch and it was perfect.

Oh for God’s sake, this menu. It was a tough choice, but I got the reuben, Chooch went with the Impossible Burger, and Henry predictably got the sausage and peppers sandwich – I stole a bite of his sausage (lol he wishes) and it was heavenly.

But my reuben was SPLENDID and I don’t think I’ve ever actually ever said that word out loud before unless I’m being sarcastic. The fries were wonderful too! I was worried because they were thick (that’s what Henry wishes she said) and typically the thick ones get on my nerves because of the inner-texture, but these were just a perfectly-crisp delight to behold.

We were at the SILENT TREATMENT portion of our road trip.

My reuben stuffed with housemade seitan! I love a good faux-meat sandwich.

Chooch loved his Impossible Burger too, and Henry just mumbled, “It was fine” when I asked for a sausage review. What a little bitch.

65% of the reason I wanted to go to this place was specifically to get a shitty picture under the neon birdcage. Two dumb girls were sitting under it, nursing their hipster drinks, from before we got there to literally right before we left. I think the one girl knew I wanted a picture because we kept making eye-contact and Henry was like, “I’m not sitting here any longer, just ask them to move” and I was like, “NO YOU” but then I went to the bathroom and when I came out, Chooch was sitting there and even brought my phone over with him so we could get it over with and leave.

But afterward, Chooch and I both wanted to take pictures of this cool monster ice cream mural we saw on the way into Jersey City, but after driving around in circles for a bit, Henry deduced that it was not accessible by car, but Chooch figured out which building it was on so Henry let us out of the car and we ran amok in some deserted, industrial part of town like two hooligans while a cop drove past.

We had to trample through a run-down loading dock to get to this mural but it was worth it.

Scary, but worth it.

You never know what you might stumble across in areas like this, even in broad daylight! DEAD BODIES DON’T CARE WHAT TIME OF DAY IT IS, OK.

He came so close to actually licking the wall and I almost puked.

Meanwhile, some guy was on the other side of a moving truck, working on a car, and I was so scared when I saw him, that I went running back to Chooch and then stepped on a piece of sheet metal which made a loud noise as it snapped back and Chooch hissed, “YOU’RE GOING TO GET US MURDERED” and then we ran back to the car, passing the cop on the way, and Henry was like, “WOULD YOU TWO ASSHOLES STOP ACTING SO SUSPICIOUS, THERE IS A COP OUT THERE” and of course Henry would know that, he probably bought him donuts! HE IS SO HOT FOR COPS.

Back in Newark, we checked into our hotel (TRYP by Wyndham, actually not a shit-hole/drug den, good job, Hank!) and ran around like dummies taking pictures because it was one of those try-hard boutique hotels where every single corner is Instagram-worthy. The guy at the front desk was totally scattered and spoke in such a bombastic, casual manner that I actually thought there was a hidden camera somewhere especially when he kept calling some hotel employee on the phone named Jazz and ended one of the calls with a quick “I love you” which made me crack up and then he started grilling Henry about football and if there’s one thing Henry LOVES it’s emasculating himself by admitting that he doesn’t watch football like all the other big strong men.

The whole check-in process was just weird and frenetic. I liked it.

Later that evening, Chooch and I were in the stairwell like creeps and heard the front desk guy yelling “fuck that shit!” to one of the other workers and we were like OOH DRAMA but he didn’t even flinch when we came barreling out of the door and into the lobby. That guy is really living life as his truest self.

And then we went for a walk around downtown Newark, which was completely underwhelming.

This shirt is mine as soon as Chooch grows out of it.

And then we went to see Red Velvet, which I will recount in mind-numbing detail for you another day.

But yeah, Newark. Not even Roadside America has any good tips for this place so if you know any townie secrets, please spill the tea! Even if it’s just a good place to get ice cream or a cool pawn shop to get shanked behind, I don’t care!

I didn’t live blog our drive to Newark yesterday because I’m L-Z, but I suppose today I will keep a running list of all the times Henry angers me because if today is anything like yesterday, it will be a pocketful of pissed off posies.

It’s 8:09am and we are heading out of Newark on a dreary, cold President’s Day. As if Newark wasn’t depressing enough on a hot summer day…

We were here just for the Red Velvet concert last night, and in a miraculous turn of events, Henry actually booked us a hotel downtown right across from where the concert was and the hotel was actually nice and moderately boutique-ish so I can’t even complain about anything! Now we’re on the hunt for a quick breakfast so I’m sure that will incite a riot inside this rental car at some point. I will be sure to keep you posted.

8:40am: We successfully found a place to eat (Prestige Diner which isn’t even a diner it’s a moderately-scaled restaurant) without bloodshed and then Henry’s stupid phone volume was on full blast and his GPS broad announced to the whole restaurant that his signal was lost and Chooch and I are so hateful.

Here’s super-cool badass Chooch in his faux-leather hooded jacket and Outsiders shirt, with a big glass of chocolate milk.

Ew wtf my pancakes came with something billed as “low-fat yogurt” and it was unlike anything I have ever experienced. I think it’s mixed with cream cheese??!! IT IS SO BAD! But Henry is sitting here picking at it and I wish he wouldn’t because now he’s going to give this establishment the false impression that they served me something edible. My lord, Henry will eat shit off a shoe, I fucking swear to Taemin’s perfectly-pouted lips.

IF CHOOCH KICKS ME ONE MORE TIME UNDER THE TABLE, I’M GOING TO PUT HIM ON THE MENU AS A PRESIDENTS DAY BRUNCH SPECIAL.

I need to make a friend from Pittsburgh who likes Kpop so I can have someone else to travel with for concerts BECAUSE THIS ARRANGEMENT WITH HENRY & CHOOCH IS NOT WORKING FOR ME ANYMORE. THEY ARE ANNOYING. I HAVE NO SPACE. I CAN’T BREATHE.

That waitress was really going to pack up the yogurt for us LOL

WOW that place was super overpriced and had no personality. It was basically like if Denny’s rebranded to cater to yuppies. I would not recommend. Another Yelp misfire. Apparently though Henry’s toast was really good but I wouldn’t know bc he said it right as he popped the last corner into his grinding face-hole.

But yeah, go to the Prestige if you want a Bloody Mary or mimosa with your basic, unimpressive breakfast.

I originally wanted to eat at the Summit Diner based solely on this Yelp review but Henry was all THERE IS NO EXIT ON THIS ROAD FIND SOMETHING ELSE. There’s never an exit for places I want to go to, how convenient for Henry.

GET ‘EM, JIM G.!!!

9:30am: We just drove past GHOST PONY ROAD.

10:31am: I was feeling depressed about BIGBANG’s military hiatus (this is at least once a day so don’t worry) but then we just drove past Dorney Park so I got briefly excited but then double-depressed because its winter and we still have like two months to go before amusement season is back. Ugh. Life, amirite.

10:49am: And here’s a Medical Malady Moment brought to you by Deer Park water. I had to ask Henry to open a new bottle of water for me and he was like OH COME ON YOU CAN OPEN THIS but I COULDNT because my hands are very weak right now and I have no energy in them so Chooch opened for me but henry continued to yammer on about how I’m making it up because of all the times I’ve punched him (LOVINGLY, thanks) and I was like, “Yes, but that’s always later in the day! In the mornings, I can’t do that! My hands are sensitive!” Honestly if I start to make a Fist right now, my hands will feel very ticklish and I won’t be able to close them all the way and now henry is grilling me about this. HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN HAPPENING? I don’t know, years. YEARS?? THEN U BETTER CALL A DOCTOR. But he’s just pretend-caring because he’s trying not to laugh which is awesome because I’m just over here squeezing invisible lemons to build up my hand strength so I can rip the skin off his face (at the next rest area. I don’t want him to wreck and kill us all).

11:13am: Second time on this trip that I stopped somewhere to pee and the bathroom was out of order I DONT CARE IF A MAN IS IN THERE CLEANING IT I’M GOING TO PEE MY PANTS.

I just threw a tantrum and left.

Sheetz is dead to me.

11:32am: Just stopped at a Flying J down the street for Operation: Urination and there was a tour bus there so I had to stand in line and listen to ZZ Top “Legs.” Then I couldn’t get the knot out of the scarf I’m using as a belt and it was a real sit-com struggle. But my bladder is under control now, and I got to slam two doors on Henry. “Feel better now?” he asked. Wait until my hand strength comes back later and then ask me after my fist meets your face, jackass.

11:53am: Oh fuck, I was looking at my blog stats and someone had viewing one of my old prank call posts where I used to use the IP Relay service to harass people and I was just reading some of the transcripts out loud to Henry who is absolutely disgusted because this is the one thing that can make me laugh harder than anything else and my face started SPASMING from the overexertion my hysterical laughter was causing and I am ugly crying so hard now and losing my voice. “Remember when they changed it and made people formally register to use it?” I wheezed to Henry, who snapped, “Yeah, because of you.” Then I said that was the best time of my life, using that service for evil, and I think Henry is leaving me now.

12:52am I wish I had been keeping a tally of the amount of times Henry said he’s done with us and this is THE LAST TRIP. OK tough guy.

1:45pm: Remember when I said Sheetz is dead to me? Well, it’s been reanimated because it’s LUNCHTIME and I am weak for their Boom Boom sauce on veggie wraps. Henry is bitching about how outrageous the turnpike is and lamenting the fact that our EZ Pass is in our other car and I’m like “go on and rant about your Dad Probz, I’m just gonna deepthroat this veggie wrap in the background.”

Also, I’m going to start pronouncing “pizza” the way it’s spelled from now on. This is ridiculous.

I couldn’t finish my banana so I gave it to Henry but he didn’t want it so he asked Chooch if he wanted it and it practically turned into a trial where Chooch wouldn’t take the banana until it was proven that Henry had not bitten it.

2:12pm: TAEMIN TIME. We made it about 2 hours listening to other things, that’s pretty good, right?

3:20pm: Is it Rumspringa? We just stopped at a rest area and saw a couple of Amish-looking runaways with a car full of wicker baskets.

Also, I did a triple-sneeze and then became extremely congested out of nowhere so now Dr. Henry is telling me that it’s probably a combination of the altitude and the weather. I’m sure he’ll extrapolate more on the next episode of HENRY MANSPLAINS IT ALL on whatever AM station jerk men listen to.

Me walking away when Henry’s talking:

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt5qS1uF-gn/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1r2vlnsxk3cpa

4:03pm: We are currently in the Liberty Tunnel and I am so desperate to be home right now. How did it take this long to get here?! WHY DID WE STOP FOR BREAKFAST?? WHY DOES HENRY DRIVE LIKE AN ELDER?

Ok, I know the answer to that. But still. Winter road trips are so tedious and uneventful. And it’s also snowing. Well I’m signing off here. I’m preparing to drop-roll out of the car before Henry even has a chance to put it in park. It’s been real, NEWARK.