After leaving BonBon Land on Sunday (and after Henry found his phone LOLOLOLOL), our bus of coaster freaks continued our Danish trek and arrived late that the afternoon at a small park in Aarhus called Tivoli Friheden.

Exhausted after all of the BonBon’ing. I mean, it’s not every day you get to ride a dog fart coaster and slide out of a dog’s asshole. That shit would take a lot out of even, I don’t, a Garbage Pail Kid maybe.

Random shots from the bus window, reminiscent of all the film I wasted in Europe as a kid, taking pictures with the flash on through smudgy tour bus window. I have boxes of blurry scenery photos and unknown castles in god knows what countries.

But I just really needed to capture this amazing house!! Also, look at Creepy Henry’s silhouette in the window :/

I am going to be diligent about including maps from now on because if we are being honest with each other under the blanket inside a pillow fort reading my vacation journal together with a flashlight after I just yelled at you for spilling a bowl of SALTY LICORICE, I truthfully didn’t know where the fuck a lot of the times, just me over there spending a large portion of the trip totally geographically blind.

We arrived at Friheden around 4:30pm. Looking back in my vacation journal, I can tell you that the bus ride was full of chatter which was not appreciated by many, lol. There were some quirky personalities on the bus, that’s for sure. It was thoroughly entertaining for me, though! At one point, an hour into the drive, the owner of the unappreciated chatter asked our group leader Tim, “How much longer?” which garnered some groans from those in earshot. At one point, Tim told him it was nap time, and when he tried to keep talking, Tim said, “It’s still nap time.” I was furiously texting my brother the play-by-play because he was very invested in these characters.

This park was very small, but beautiful – full of gardens and really quirky decorations. Even on an overcast day, it was stunning! Unfortunately, as far as rides, its line up was pretty sparse. Only three coaster credits. There were four coasters there up until a year ago, when one was removed after an accident :/ To be honest, when I heard about the accident last summer, I wondered if this park was going to be removed from the itinerary, but it clearly wasn’t.

A bunch of people wanted to do the SCAD tower thing, which was being offered to our group to do for free when normally it’s at up-charge. I’m guessing this is the reason the park was kept in the itinerary, because SCAD towers aren’t very prevalent. I mean, that’s just what I hear. I don’t like, run the SCAD tower Wiki page or anything. Jesus.

I 100% didn’t want to do this. Just looking at it made my legs turn to jello.

Meanwhile, Chooch got RIGHT in line.

I had to walk around and take pictures of the scenery while he was waiting in line because it was making me so nervous.

I already wrote about the FALLING one day while we were on the bus, so you can feel free to click here and read all about how I allowed my 17-year-old son to be taken up a 100+ foot tower thing in a scary elevator, dangled over the edge, and then released by some Friheden man at which point he fell a bunch of fucking feet like 100 or something with no harness or safety thingies, but at least they gave him a helmet and that back brace thing to ensure he landed properly in the net. 

Ugh. Don’t smile at me.

Once that was over with, we went around to collect our creds. There was just a really old looking spinning wild mouse, an SBF Visa spinning coaster, and a kids coaster that was similar to the Wacky Worm but it was a dragon. Wow, I’m such a thoosie. I don’t even know the manufacturers or names of these coaster off hand lol.

I LOVED THIS!!

There was a funhouse too! It wasn’t as good as Bakken’s but it had a fun slide at the end.

So, something happened at this park that was actually kind of horrifying but also funny and definitely memorable. OK, look. I was riding on a high from the way a lot of these people were being so inviting and inclusive toward us. Especially Larry and Jean, Cassie, and Pam and Kevin. There would be more added to that list later, but man, even just standing outside of the bus waiting for Tim to get our admission settled, everyone was just kind of milling around and talking and it was so nice not having it be totally awkward, you know? Just a lot of friendly banter and chatter – it made me feel overwhelmingly accepted.

I had noticed earlier that day that there seemed to be a young girl, like in her 20s, who was there by herself. She ended up being in line in front of us for a dark ride at Friheden and I had mentioned earlier to Henry that I was going to try and take her in just like others did to us, pay it forward, etc. Right? Well, I felt like this was my chance! So I asked her if she was with Coaster Crew, and she said yes so I introduced the three of us. She smiled and said her name, then IMMEDIATELY dropped the smile and looked away.

Chooch gave me a look, like, “Stop while you’re ahead” but I KEPT GOING, YOU GUYS. I started asking her things like WHERE ARE YOU FROM and she said Cinci and all the while she was doing the SMILE/FROWN thing but I couldn’t stop myself! I yelled, “Oh, Jungle Jim’s! I love Jungle Jim’s!” and she was like “*smile* Yeah, it’s great. *frown*”

Then, why am I like this, I asked her if SHE WANTED TO RIDE WITH US. NO, she didn’t want to fucking ride with us. She wanted my crazy annoying friendly ass to leave her the fuck alone so she could have a fucking zen ride in the haunted house. But since I asked her to her face, I’m sure she felt backed into a corner and said OK and then we all rode on this stupid shooter ride together and it was so uncomfortable. When the ride ended, she got out and walked through the exit without a word, never looking back.

“SHE DID NOT WANT TO RIDE WITH US,” Chooch said, in a chastising-toward-me tone. “You are so annoying! She hates all of us now.”

“No, she was just shy,” I said, but I knew he was right when we were walking toward her later and I said, “Hi, <her name>!” and she LOOKED RIGHT PAST ME AND KEPT WALKING. I thought Chooch’s brain was going to come shooting out of his nose, the way he tried and failed to hold back his laugh. It may have been one of Top 5 favorite moments on the trip.

DO YOU WANT TO RIDE WITH US???

I’d rather not eat the American Way :/

Remember when I got made fun of so bad for loving the Wacky Worm?? Well, I found my people, you guys. Grown ass adults who allow themselves to enjoy a kiddie coaster!

Our dinner was a pizza buffet and it was actually amazing. I’m saying “actually” not because I think Denmark can’t have good pizza, but because I’m of the American mentality that amusement pizza is going to be mid. But this pizza was SO GOOD. The one I liked the most had almost like…a ricotta type cheese as the base? And then these very thinly sliced translucent white circles that I am SURE were parsnips, but no one would back me up on that (and by no one, I mean, Henry, Chooch, and Dawn and Robert who were sitting at our table too).

I can’t believe I didn’t take a picture of it, but it was so fucking good.

This might have been the most boring carousel I’ve ever been on.

It had no music, and it went around SO SLOWLY.

There were two little kids that actually rode it twice in a row, what sad lives they have.

Look at these awesome terrarium things!!

This game had guns that you put actually ball-thingies in to shoot!!!! I DID NOT WANT CHOOCH TO DO IT. But I already let him fall perilously from a tower, so why not give him a gun too, all in the same day.

We ended the day by using our free snack coupon for some ICE CREAM which we ate at a picnic table with PAM and some others. I didn’t take a picture of my ice cream for some reason, probably because I got it in a cup. I do know that I thoroughly enjoyed it though.

Then everyone bitched because the gift shop had NO SHIRTS, MAGNETS, ETC with the park’s name on it. We quickly learned that park merch in this region is almost unheard of and their “gift shops” are actually filled with, well, gifts you would buy someone. Like toys and pretty much anything else you could think of that has nothing to do with amusement parks.

After leaving Friheden, we had a short drive to the hotel for the night, which you can read about HERE IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY.

Pretty much all of the parks from the next day on were full-day parks with bigger coasters, so look forward to that, I guess!

Remember last winter when I felt inspired to try and reconnect with my childhood friend from vacation, Olivia? Well, I can’t remember if I ever updated this mess of a memory keeper, but she did end up writing back to me and while we have since become Instagram friends, we have kept up the analog portion of the long-distance friendship by sending each other cards with as many words as we can cram inside. It’s been so wonderful!

Anyway, a few weeks ago she found some photos at her parents’ house and sent them to me on Insta and I almost died because:

1. I forgot about how FREAKING COOL were (and still are, I’m sure!)

2. I forgot that she taught me how to play Uno and this became OUR THING on the bus!

I also look like I’m totally in the middle of cheating too, which tracks. Also, I was so in awe of Olivia back then. Her style was like Blossom Before Blossom. I thought she was SO COOL, CALIFORNIA cool even, and still think that now that we’ve been writing to each other.

Man, these pictures really triggered a ton of fond memories for me. This is probably corny-sounding, but I feel like there was a reason we met back in 1989, just like there was a reason I found letters from her when cleaning out the attic last winter. I hope that this second-chance at friendship transcends just liking each other’s Instagram posts and that we get the opportunity to meet up in person, and you know, maybe recreate these old photos lol!

It all makes me think of Chooch’s Mexico trip last summer, and how much I hope that those friendships he made will last a lifetime. There’s something special about bonding with strangers in another country and then, voila, now you’re friends.

I know, I know, for someone who barely has any friends, I sure have a lot to say about friendships, hahaha, har har, hee hee.

Anyway! Olivia asked me when we’re going to do a California coaster trip and I was like YEAH HENRY WHEN and he was like DON’T START. :(

I know amusement parks aren’t everyone’s bag up in here, so here is a non-park recap from our trip. The second hotel of the trip, which we stayed at after visiting Park #2 of Day 2 – Tivoli Friheden – our hotel for the night was the Helnan Marselis in Aarhus. While the rooms had more of a traditional European style and were less “modern” like the Tivoli Hotel in Copenhagen, I preferred this one because it was on a beach!

This hotel was in what appeared to be a RITZY BEACH TOWN.

These cars!! Also, that’s our beloved bus up there! We only had this bus for the first half of the trip though :( I missed it dearly (and the driver!) and did not like the second bus as much. THE VIBE WAS OFF.

The houses around this area were poppin’ off.

Tim hooked everyone up with seaside views. We slept with the balcony door opened and it was the most amazing night’s sleep. Um, this was also the calm before the (actual) storm. We’ll revisit this in a future post. LOOK AT ME PRE-CLICK BAITING YOU PEOPLE.

Here we have Chooch in action, complaining about something, probably.

Chooch slept in roll-out beds in most of the hotels, but he had some sweet sleep-spots in two upcoming hotels.

The Bay of Aarhus, apparently! I had to look it up on a map. Looks like it has the North Sea to the west and the Baltic to the east??

Wow, maybe I should start including maps in all of these posts instead of just being like “someplace in xx.” Also, looking at this map, now it makes sense that we went over so many long-ass bridges after we left Copenhagen that morning. Suddenly, I understand so much more of this trip now, weeks later.

Maps, Erin. Maps help.

Hotel art.

Henry and I went for a walk along the beach after we got settled and it was just so nice. Well, I mean, as nice as it could possibly be with Henry as my company. It’s not like we were holding hands and looking like we were in some vitamins for active middle-aged adults commercial. Or a “I conquered vaginal dryness by using THIS PRODUCT and now this is what my life looks like!” ad in Prevention magazine.

I brought back two small seashells from here, sue me. They were rinsed off thoroughly!

Some of the younger, cooler guys from our group were doing the whole SAUNA/SALT WATER thing so that was fun to watch like creeps from our balcony.

Look at that sky, though. Denmark! I remember walking in the sand and thinking, REALLY thinking, “Dude. I’m in Denmark.” We are not rich people so anytime we do anything outside of Pittsburgh, I’m all hashtag blessed, etc. Never take anything for granted! You never know what the future holds. This was one of those moments where I really had some quiet time in my head to reflect on this shit, as nerdy as that sounds. I just really didn’t think that this was something we would be able to do, but we made it happen and I hope that this is something that Chooch thinks about fondly (lol, fondly) for the rest of his life.

YOU KNOW??

On Sunday, August 6th, we checked out of the Tivoli Gardens Hotel after another immaculate breakfast spread (I miss the breads and the yogurts!) and set off for BonBon Land located about an hour away from Copenhagen in Holme-Olstrup in the South of Zealand. It’s a small family park opened in the 90s by the owner of a candy company called BonBon (I mean, obviously). BonBon candies were themed to gross things, like dog poop, ants pissing, wet diapers, you know – all these things synonymous with sweet delicious candy. Mmm mmm mmm. Mr. BonBon wanted to give kids (his biggest fans) a fun experience, and since he couldn’t offer tours of the candy factory because of sanitary reasons (allegedly – I think it was more that he didn’t want to give away any trade secrets related to how he was carmelizing seagull droppings and candying the essence of dog farts), he went the Hershey route and opened a theme park.

With only 4 coaster credits to scoop up, you might ask, why was this part of our itinerary?

Well, having a juvenile sense of humor that this place appeals to was a big reason.

It’s also the home of the first ever Gerstlauer Euro Fighter with a beyond vertical drop (beyond vertical drops are everywhere now but BONBON HAD IT FIRST, BITCHES).

But most importantly? It has a kiddie coaster themed to a dog farting.

You guys.

Are you even an enthusiast of you don’t have that dog fart cred??

Needless to say, we were all GIDDAY. I mean, look at all of us up there waiting for the park to open! A bunch of grown ass people clamoring to stuff their butts into a farting dog.

CASSIE TOOK THIS PICTURE OF US. In case you didn’t know, I made friends on this trip!! I’m so pathetic that I was even mailing postcards home to my non-coaster friends screaming about OMG I MADE FRIENDS, YOU GUYS, THROW ME A PARTY WHEN I COME HOME.

I probably could have earned a Girl Scout badge for this.

“Now let’s take one with your eyes closed,” said no one but somehow that’s what Chooch and I heard.

I have to laugh because this is ALL Coaster Crew back there. No one else came early. But we were like, “LET US IN. MUST GET THE CREDITS.”

BONBON LAND THEME SONG!

It took so long to get this photo because Chooch kept letting actual children cut in front of him and I was so annoyed and trying to pantomime an elbowing motion but he ignored me and just let it happen.

Really wish this was in my front yard,

The famous FARTING DOG!

We immediately ran to the dog fart coaster, and that’s when I realized the dog’s name is….HENRY!!! Oh, how apropos!

At home, it’s only Chooch and me riding the kiddy coasters – and to be fair, sometimes I sit those ones out but ONLY if it’s a crowded day and Chooch and I can’t sit together. I might hate kids, but I hate looking like an asshole even more and I don’t want to be That Adult who takes a seat away from a dumb kid, you know? But hilariously, on this trip, Henry suddenly was all, “Me too” but only because it didn’t relate to supporting women, and was getting in line for every baby coaster because all of his idols on this trip were doing it. Wow, you’re so cool, Henry. “Oh, Marshall, Nick, Gooch, Jimmy and Dewey are riding it? MAKE ROOM FOR ME, GUYS. Can I get a shout out on YouTube now??”

And of course Henry didn’t take any pictures of Chooch and me when it was our turn!

I guess I didn’t take many pictures here for some reason? So, I don’t have any of the Gerstlauer which was SURPRISINGLY not terrible. But I really enjoyed the spinning wild mouse up there, Han-Katten! There was a group of 5 middle school-aged boys in front of us who were being moderately annoying – some of them cut in front of us which was annoying since there 5 of them and that meant it AFFECTED us directly since we would have to wait for an additional cycle to get on. Anyway, when we were getting off the ride, Robert was coming up the exit steps and said, “Hey be careful when you go down there, because some kid just threw up everywhere when he came down the steps” and I was like “YES, IT WAS ONE OF THOSE JERKS!” and I was gloating, but then the joke was on me because I accidently looked and then almost threw up myself.

This video is not great –  I had to screen-record it from the Coaster Crew event Facebook page. Anyway, this coaster was just some strange family coaster. It wasn’t too bad!

SNACK TIME. We ran into Larry and Jean outside of this cafe and they spilled the tea on some things for us and it was at the moment that I felt like we were truly part of Coaster Crew. The amount of stress I felt leading up to this trip, worrying that we weren’t going to fit in, were going to be the black sheep on the outside, were going to have a miserable time sitting alone, etc. All for nothing. I still can’t believe how amazing the people portion of this trip was. Sorry that I’m basically acting like an aging GIRL SCOUT again but these things are really important to me and honestly, for as amazing as this coaster trip was, it wouldn’t have been even a quarter this amazing if not for the quality of the people.

I’m getting so emotional!

I am also drinking moscato which is way too sweet and dangerous for me to be drinking alone while tip-tapping away at this keyboard, but you guys. The fucking people, man. I never went away to summer camp but I imagine it must have had similar vibes.

Coffee and donut time!

Our first of many rapids rides of the trip! We were in line behind two young boys who were horrifically slapping each other in the face for fun.  When we got off the ride, it emptied us into a gift shop where I bought bushels of BonBon candy (most of which was licorice so no one but me will eat it!) and then realized that one of those kids completely stood up and mooned the camera, the evidence of which was on full display on the On Ride Photo screen.

At some point, I accidentally used the men’s room. I don’t think anyone would have cared though but it was something I thought about numerous times throughout the trip because Henry and Chooch saw that I was about to walk right in with all the confidence of a dick-swinging construction worker, and they just sat back and let it happen.

It’s fine.

I COULD HAVE BEEN ATTACKED IN THERE.

Isn’t that the big Karen Argument?

Well, I wasn’t.

The theming was so cute/weird/strange/perfect.

In line for the boat ride which took us around the world and was….interesting. Of course, in America Town, all the characters were cowboys and had guns.

Aside from the Dog Fart coaster, I LOVED the log flume. It was so fucking quirky. We went inside a big hunk of cheese and I swear to god, there were people whispering all around us and it was so goddamn creepy. I loved it so much.

And Chooch made me go on this dragon ride which looked like just a little kids’ ride that went in a circle but it went SO FUCKING FAST that it was actually painful and I thought we were going to be flung the hell out. We were SCREAMING for it to stop, but then it went BACKWARD too and I was like, “We are going to die. I can’t believe I’m going to lose my life at BonBon Land I hope someone knows to put that on my epitaph.”

The way I love this group so much, you guys….I have attachment issues.

Anyway, we were only here for a few hours before departing for the second park of the day, fourth park over: Tivoli Freheiden. What I loved was that Tim decided that the original amount of time he allotted was too much since the park was so dead and we were able to easily get the creds, so he changed the departure time and updated the even page on Facebook with the info. But everyone was passing it on, so whenever we would run into someone, they would give us the heads up and that was just one more thing that made me love Coaster Crew so much.

We bought a HENRY glass for Henry and a bunch of candy which I’m almost out of so if anyone wants to buy me candy for Valentine’s Day like suddenly that’s a thing to buy strange bloggers candy on Valentine’s Day, let’s make it a thing, please do ship some BonBon candy to me, or really any kind of licorice in general. I will eat it and thank you bigly.

Oh and in case you missed it, something TERRIBLE OH NO BOO HOO happened to Henry that day, which I already wrote about it while we were still on vacation!

P.S. Oh wow looks like Henry the Oaf actually did take some photos of us on the Dog Fart coaster.

Look,  Henry doth returned from his quest for a portable phone charger. He was in a MOOD too because he hadn’t eaten yet since Chooch and I sent him on his journey back to the hotel (ON FOOT NO LESS, NOT EVEN A STALLION TO CARRY THE WIDE LOAD) before he had a chance to eat dinner, lololol.

It wasn’t NOT crowded at Tivoli that evening, being a summer Saturday after all, but it didn’t really feel crowded until we were in the more narrow areas like this one. It was a bit claustrophobic but I was also so caught up in how magical everything felt that I didn’t even had time to panic.

Here’s a Chooch POV of him living dangerously in a Danish funhouse.

Literally it sounds like he is calling me a vessel for corpse dust when he says my name!!

I only took this so we could try to fuck with the QR code later but it still didn’t work so OH WELL Tivoli, I tried to give you my $$ but your dumb thing won’t work for idiot Americans.

The Hans Christian Anderson ride! A spin through this dark ride will have you REALLY seeing the Disney parallels.

Me again: It wasn’t THAT crowded?! The longest line we waited in was an hour for the Milky Way coaster. Everything else was 30 minutes or less?! Yes, there were a lot of people there but it didn’t feel excessive?! I don’t know why I asked Henry for his opinion because it was wrong.

What else – we got all the coaster creds. We definitely bickered a lot, lol. (Still jet-lagged.) Chooch conned me into going on some flat ride that I couldn’t see from the line because the ride itself was on top of a building – it was like crazy spinny airplane things that went upside down and I wasn’t too fond of it but even less fond of the children in line behind us who were rough-housing (hello, I’m my dad now) and being so OBNOXIOUS and oh wouldya look – they were AMERICAN.

My only regret is not riding Rutschebanen more than once!! I was so caught up in needing to see everything that was going on, that I couldn’t contemplate rerides at that time. Yes, I fucked up, fam. But…now I just need to go back someday! With a DATE. Someone who will be like, “Babe, let’s get some licorice ice cream and lick it together under the most picturesque tree which I have spotted with my monocle that I just happen to keep tucked into the BREAST POCKET of the pin-striped suit I am wearing just for this special occasion of being WITH YOU and then the next big Decemberists rip off indie band will walk by and feel inspired to pen a song about OUR LOVE that features an accordion and a beat made up of the sound of the wooden shoes of puppets hitting a pirate ship’s plank.”

I will probably break up with that guy after the first date but at least we will have the memories. And a song that will probably quickly play in the background of a scene with a couple (the girl has DIY Pippi bangs and the boy has a handlebar ‘stache) riding vintage bikes with poodles in the wicker baskets in an upcoming mumblecore flick that never even makes it to Tubi.

Mostly, we just took everything in. I couldn’t believe we were there, you guys. The famous, storied Tivoli Gardens. “I can’t believe we’re here” was pretty much the tagline of this whole entire trip. I am bankrupt now but I do not regret a single moment of this. I can’t wait to spend the next three fucking months recapping the rest because this was the only the FIRST FULL DAY and it’s taken me approx. 2 weeks to get it on this dying corner of Internet Diary Land.

Hi. I barely read in August. I think I went into it too cocky and brought three (3!!) books on vacation with me. OK, Erin. Calm down. I didn’t read AT ALL until the flight back to the States, and even then, it was only about 30 pages. I don’t know why I thought I was going to read on the bus during our vacation. Hello, I was too busy being practically cupping my ears so that I wouldn’t miss a single conversation around me!! The bus was so entertaining every day! (Henry and Chooch probably will say otherwise, but that’s because they’re not coated in nosiness and rolled in powdery FOMO like I am.)

Anyway, here are the very few books I did read!

1. The Guest – Emma Cline

After checking this out of the library and realizing that I also read Cline’s other book, The Girls, I started to think it was a mistake, assumed there was a big possibility it could be a DNF, and almost didn’t even give it a chance. But then I started reading it and couldn’t stop. It does start out slow, like “Where the fuck is this going?” and it’s also one of those “cool hot Williamsburg girl” books that I usually “DON’T GET” because I’m too old and don’t wear, I dunno, corduroy pants and belly shirts. But I was invested in this bitch’s end of the summer saga, basically being homeless in some bougie area of Long Island after her sugar daddy kicks her out, dodging some dude who she owes a bunch of money to, and just basically using every motherfucker that gets caught in her human-hurricane path.

Somehow, for as little redeeming qualities as she had, I still found myself rooting for her and just eating up the words on every page with a fucking grapefruit spoon, mmkay. This book might not for you or you, but I bet it’s for you. Yeah, you. Over there.

2. Yellowface – R.F. Kuang

If you’re even MODERATELY into books, you have likely seen this on a bunch of best-of lists. Four stars for me, fam. The writing was smart, the plot was fresh, and it shone a spotlight on racism and appropriation in a unique way that challenged my way of thinking several times. I feel like when it comes to topics like these, we should never stop checking ourselves and allowing the discomfort to happen because that’s how we grow. And this book definitely had me tugging at my collar more than once. It’s not finger-waggy at all though – strip that all away and you’re still left with an entertaining and tense (and at times, funny) novel about the publishing industry and plagiarism. (JANNA, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I THINK YOU WOULD LIKE THIS.)

I read The Poppy War by Kuang a few years ago but that was like, a 600-page fantasy – it blows my mind that this is the same writer. She is stupidly talented!

3. We Were Never Here – Andrea Bartz

Remember last month when I read another Bartz book and hated it so much? Well, I had also checked this one out of the library at the same time and returned it with the other book without even bothering to try out the first page. But then I snagged it on audio because I’m a sucker and needed something to listen to on my morning walks when we came back from vacation. Wow, this book was less bad than the last one of hers I read, but still not great. 2.5.

4. Dead Eleven – Jimmy Juliano

Oh, how I wanted this to be a 5-star read. I really, really did. The plot was great, I loved the writing, the characters were interesting. I loved that it was “set” in 1992. I loved the OJ and pog references. But I didn’t love that it didn’t scare me. I still think I would recommend this to anyone looking for a supernatural horror book because I feel like most people aren’t as picky as me when it comes to horror?? I want to have the “icy chills on a 90 degree summer afternoon” type of experience while reading horror. I LOVE horror books in the summer. But I just have a tough time finding ones that get under my skin. Please help me.

5. All-Night Pharmacy – Ruth Madievsky

I truly had no idea what was going on through most of this – lots of drugs, sex, people being shitty to each other. But when that shit wasn’t going on, there were moments of brilliance here. Basically, the main character has a very dependent and toxic relationship with her older sister, and then accidentally-maybe-on-purpose stabs her one night then spends the next two years somewhat-searching for her after she disappears. I don’t know, it’s a weird one. Not relatable for me AT ALL and I was bored for long swathes of it, but then somehow, the very last line of the book made me fucking laugh out loud. Three stars. Again, I feel like this is the type of book girls in their early 20s who dress like it’s 1995 and mommy bought them everything out of the Delia*s catalogue would devour on the bus to a rave in Brooklyn.

***

And that’s all from me for August. :( I usually average 10 books a month but sometimes you gotta take your nose out of the books and marathon roller coasters in Europe for 2 weeks!

This was going to be a LiveBlog yesterday while we were at King’s Dominion and I did start it, I swear, but it was like 95 degrees out and I was swaying in and out of consciousness all day lol.

Here’s how it started:

****

We’re at King’s Dominion today! Got here around 1pm. Grizzly was our first coaster because it was recently retracked and soooo jackhammery before. I was interested to see if it was better. And it was!! Until we got to the part that wasn’t retracked. A jarring transition.

But the Bae, Twisted Timbers, made up for it!!

I305 – still the only coaster that sincerely terrifies me but goddamn I love it so much. This is the most I have ever grayed out, Jesus.

Apparently Henry took this of us standing in line for Tumbili, which was an annoying wait as usual for 4d free spins. Suddenly Henry has a new phone that takes decent photos. I’m shook.

4:04pm: been standing in line for this stupid rapids ride for like 45 minutes when everything else is practically a walk-on. Yay 93 degree day. Some lady in front of us started to pass out and her group had to take her out of line :( I saw her sitting down afterward and asked if she was ok and she said YES and thanked me for asking while rude-asses Henry and Chooch breezed past her with nary a well-wish.

This was the WORST ops I have ever seen a rapids ride. Usually the thru-put is so high because the rafts never stop moving on a conveyor belt but this one would have three rafts come to a complete stop while people would exit and then new people would board. It was frustrating, especially when you were done with the stupid ride but had to sit on an uncomfortable incline, waiting to be in the next group of three that got to exit.

We sat with a younger couple and Henry was like OH HO HO HO!!! when she and I both got pelted with water but he was ONLY looking at her because she was the younger, better model and acted like she was the only one who got soaked when I was sitting there scrunched up as my entire backside and part of my left side were drenched?!?! And he kept talking about it after the ride too and I was like “bitch can you not see that I am literally sopping wet?!” That whole experience was so frustrating. Just another day of being invisible to Henry. Can’t wait to get married 🙄

You guys I love Racer so much even though the dumb thing doesn’t race anytime we’re here!

****

Ok that’s as far as I got yesterday so I guess I will continue this while we’re making our way back home but first we are going to get breakfast at some place I’ve been Instagram stalking for years but it’s 20 minutes out of the way and the location that had the French toast special I wanted is closed and the other one has different specials but this fits with the theme of this overnight trip of Erin not getting what she wanted. Hoo boy you should have been there last night during the ICE CREAM FIASCO which always seems to happen when we’re in Virginia. Virginians, quick question be honest – why do you guys hate ice cream?! Every time we come here it’s like HELLO where do you people go for ice cream that’s not a fucking Rita’s or DQ?!

Anyway!! Here you can see some photos from SB’s LOVESHACK something or other! The location that had the FRENCH TOAST SPECIAL that I wanted was closed today and the other location just had plain French toast so I was sad BUT it at least came with blue whipped cream and glitter so that made me happy.

Chooch got a Lakeside Latte which was a caramel and maple delight so then Henry had to copy.

Anyway, we had a great waiter who was wearing a green furry cowboy hat and liked my Pee Wee shirt. From my KEEN OBSERVATION I would say we got the best waiter there.

Anyway, everything was B52’s themed. Imagine liking the B52’s so much that you open two restaurants dedicated to them.

OMG what if I suddenly was an expert at restaurant stuff and opened one themed to @nct ?????!!! And every time someone ordered a lemonade, an alarm would go off and NCT127’s Lemonade would come blaring out?! And I would have an entire section of NCT lemonade favors (they would all be dyed lime green obviduh) to greaten the odds of one being ordered?! DID I JUST REALIZE MY LIFE GOAL?!

Maybe I’ll enroll in college with Chooch so I can learn restaurant stuff.

Or maybe I should just grab a cardboard box and set up a lemonade stand.

Should we talk about more King’s Dominion stuff now that I am full of edible glitter and we’re headed back to Pittsburgh? Ok. Thanks for the permission.

We have never ridden the Ferris wheel here but in case you were wondering if one exists, it does.

The new section is really nice! Tumbili is not great (slow AF ops but these rides are notorious for being slow to load in general) but it’s really nice to look at – it’s themed on a monkey I guess? So the cars are supposed to be monkeys playing on vines in a jungle. The supports were even painted to look like bamboo which was a nice touch.

The second time we rode Intimidator 305 wasn’t *as* good as earlier that day but damn this ride. I can’t imagine riding this for the first time knowing nothing about it and then graying out and thinking you were going to die.

Chooch took this photo and the spots on the lens gave me a angry flashback to when my old DSLR had spots inside somewhere but I was too ambivalent to investigate and correct the issue. But yeah I made him take this picture when we were sitting on the brake run (HIS PHONE WAS SECURELY STOWED AWAY IN HIS ZIPPERED POCKET DURING THE RIDE, NICE TRY NARCS!!!) because of the crow flying by.

FLIGHT OF FEAR!!! Henry did not want to ride this but it’s air conditioned inside the queue (well, it’s supposed to be but this time the A/C seemed to be limited to station). I actually love this ride a lot. It might have been the first launched coaster I’ve ever ridden back when I first went to King’s Island in 2004? Could that be true though?? Maybe. I don’t know. Who can be sure.

I liked the ride op for this one because he was fucking with the riders so hard before the sending the train. For us, an alarm went off and I actually fell for it, I thought there was, I dunno, a security breach or something. But right when I started to say “What is th—-” to Chooch, the launch happened and I was the only person screaming like GP.

***

BACK TO REAL TIME: it is 1:23pm and we are at the Fairfax Coffee Co or something in Berkeley Springs, WV waiting for our lunch to go.

Cute vibes and good veg/vegan options!

And good bathroom selfie mirror!

Food quality TBD. I’ll get back to you on that, blog.

Some asshole child abandoned their sunglasses on the couch at the cafe because children do not value their possessions. I know this because I’m the owner of a 17-year-old child who does not value his possessions. Actually, here he is modeling the sunglasses in question.

Went next door to an antique mall while Henry was waiting for the food. I found nothing that spoke to me. Henry said “thank god.”

Ate our sandwiches (or “sandos” if you’re one of those pretentious Oak Hill Post pricks). Henry got the “Reubenesque” which was a Reuben (duh) with faux-whatever meat is on a Reuben. Chooch and I both got a PB&J. Henry and I shared ours and while his was good, I was the loser in that scenario because the PB&J was way more satisfying (or, as my phone’s autocorrecting wants you to believe: SATs dying.)

Jesus, Henry calm down. (This is out of focus because I was about to take a picture of my own half and saw him going in for the kill out of the corner of my eye and had to snap it up.)

This town is quaint. And only around 2.5 hours from home. Will I go out of my way to return? Maybe put a bingsu cafe in there somewhere and a Kpop shop. Watch me fly back.

****

Anyway, back to yesterday. King’s dominion was an alright time. I was fine until the very end (we left around 8:30) when I wanted soft serve and the only option at KD is Rita’s. Excuse me sir but there is a Rita’s 2 minutes from my house. I think Rita’s is overrated.

So yeah, Chooch and I rode Dominator as our last ride and then the Great Ice Cream Blowout of the Third Quarter happened which is nothing new. I was also PMSing heavily at this point so my actions should be excused as I am generally a precious Angel baby cotton candy loaf.

(The way I can picture Henry frowning at that entire statement…)

You know what we never fought about in European amusement parks? Ice cream. Because there were ice cream options on every corner I swear to Christ.

Also, the bathrooms were excelsior. Clean. Pretty. Private. Plus you could tell which stalls were vacant without having to pace like a panther in the wild, trying to peek under to spot feet.

Oh and our lunch at KD cost $77. 🤢 Granted, it was satisfying (for Chooch and me anyway, Henry was underwhelmed) but when you consider that Chooch and I had to choose three sides since all of the entrees were meat, plus Henry got a chocolate chip cookie in addition to his entree meal, and Chooch got a tiny strawberry shortcake, this still doesn’t seem like $77’s worth of food but what do I know, I took zero economics classes in school.

Take me back.

***

Hi, back to today. We are 1:23 hours from home so I will end this here.

Still on the first day of the Coaster Crew Norden Adventure. We left Bakken around 3pm, ooh’d and ahh’d as the bus driver nearly wiped out several cars on the extremely narrow road (I felt like it was our group’s first collective moment of excitement! Something to remember!), and then made it back to Copenhagen around 4pm for our next park of the day, the famous Tivoli Gardens.

Now, this park has been on my bucket list for years because it’s world-renowned for being not only truly aesthetic and charming, but also the inspiration behind Disney World (Disneyland? I forget which one! Let me Google, please hold).

(Disneyland! I am not a Disneyhead, so pardon me.)

It’s also home to the world’s oldest rollercoaster, Rutschebanen. Yes, Bakken also had a coaster of the same name because it literally translates to “roller coaster.” So, you know, not the most original, but historical nonetheless!

180 years old!

We all had to wait here at the entrance while Tim procured our wristbands and also food vouchers, how wonderful! Aside from ice cream and licorice, we hadn’t actually eaten anything substantial at Bakken so we were pretty hungry by this point.

First, though, I needed a bathroom so let’s look at some of the views that were eyeballed along the way as I followed signs for the bathroom like Alice chasing the white rabbit. This place was really giving Wonderland, now that I think about it. It truly felt like we were back in Victorian times, running through a hedge maze looking for the WC.

Turned a corner into a tree of birdhouses, at one point, before finally finding the bathroom!

“Why would you go to Europe just for amusement parks?” said so many people.

Tivoli Gardens is a big reason why. So STEP OFF, HATER.

Tivoli Gardens is literally like one giant garden, just with some roller coasters and other thrills rides springing up here and there. This is the kind of the park that you want to come to even if you don’t like riding anything, because the atmosphere is ethereal, and the food is not your typical soggy burgers and wet pizza that we attribute to American theme parks.

I made Chooch stop for this photo op while we were on the hunt for this alleged veggie burger being served somewhere near the B&M invery, Daemonen.

Found it! Apparently, Henry didn’t want to eat anything at this particular place and he was being a big wah-wah crybaby about it, especially when I told him to take his bitchy ass elsewhere and save us a table.

Meanwhile, Chooch and I had an enjoyable ordering process. This smiling blond girl over there was so friendly! Honestly, we never encountered an unfriendly person anywhere we went except for the TRAIN GUY WHO YELLED AT US AT THE COPENHAGEN AIRPORT. Not a fan of that prick.

This veggie burger was delicious and I loved the souvenir cups our drinks were served in! This was also notable as being Chooch’s introduction to Faxe Kondi, a Sprite-like soft drink that he became obsessed with. He got a bottle of it somewhere else along the way and requested that we keep the bottle. That bottle made it all the way to Helsinki and then somehow didn’t make it back to Pittsburgh, explain yourself, Henry.

Anyway, now he wants a Faxe Kondi t-shirt.

Also, if you live somewhere in the US where Faxe Kondi can be found, please do alert your friendly blog hostess, thanks in advance.

While we were eating, we sent Henry back to the hotel (within walking distance) to get the portable charger because god forbid our phones should die!! Henry actually did it too because thar’s why we bring him. Meanwhile, Chooch and I rode Daemonen with Cassie and Sherry from our group! I was so stoked to ride with new friends. My life is very small and it doesn’t take much for me to feel fulfilled.

LOL who am I kidding?! We all know I’m never satisfied. The doves have been crying about that for years.

Anyway, our first non-US B&M! (I don’t think we rode any in Korea?! Canada?? Definitely not Tokyo Disney Sea.) The restraint stopped so high up – I actually couldn’t believe it and was actually marginally terrified of the amount of wiggle room this allowed. I’m so used to being stapled, I guess.

But overall, a nice invert. It definitely didn’t dethrone any of my faves in the US, but I gotta admit that the theming of Daemonen was beautiful. Look at the ceiling of the station!!

Henry still hadn’t made his big heroic return to the park yet, so Chooch and I continued our quest for credits and got in line for Maelkevejen – a power coaster that translates to Milky Way. This was somehow the longest line we stood in all day (Daemonen was only about 30 minutes) – I really want to say we waited at least an hour. Standing in line and watching each cycle had me questioning my choices because this basically seemed like a tame little family coaster.

View from one of the many parts in line where we set up camp. Henry eventually returned to Tivoli and we saw him being creepy down there, look like Michael Myers in the Daylight, in search of a bush into which to retreat backward. We also saw a bunch of Coaster Crew in line too. Believe me, this would not ever get old to me. I was always so happy to see familiar faces, even if they belonged to the small handful of people I never talked to.

I loved the ceiling of the station!! It was so retro and gave me Gemini feels.

OK you guys – this ride. THIS RIDE. It ended up being one of my favorites of the whole trip and I desperately wish we had been able to reride it, but anytime a ride is THIS fun and makes me scream my go-to giddy coaster curse of JANNAAAAAA!!!! then you know it’s special. It really made me so fucking happy and gave me a big case of the giggles. Even Chooch was laughing too although he made sure to tell me that I was annoying and to stop, but come on, this coaster had him loving life too. I’m sorry, but sometimes I don’t need super intense launches or crazy inversions – just give me some surprise tunnels and a gut-tickling helix.

For reference, Adventure Express, the fucking MINE TRAIN, is one of my favorite coasters at King’s Island. And this is a park with a stacked coaster line-up. But I will marathon that bitch and act so chaotic that I get yelled at by the ride crew. Airtime’s great but sometimes all I need is FUNTIME.

That made no sense and is probably also my queue to end this recap here because it’s getting late and we’re leaving early in the AM for King’s Dominion. More about this amazing amusement park coming soon!

Janna came over last weekend to endure hours upon hours of Chooch and me recapping our vacation, even casting our photos and videos on the TV like a neo-film projector of yesteryear. I will say, Janna was a good sport about it! I had been dying to tell these stories – some of which cannot be posted here!!! – so thank you Janananama!

Anyway though, while she was here she said that her brother-in-law recently said, “did you know that there are people who are obsessed with roller coasters and they even travel to ride them??” Apparently he had read an article about thoosies and Janna was like “haha, actually…” She said this was even right around the time we drove to Atlanta from Pittsburgh just to ride one single roller coaster. Oh my god, I laughed! What timing.

And we aren’t even nearly as deep into it as some people. In fact, several people on Coaster Crew trip with us even have YouTube channels devoted to traveling for coasters. Two of them I am already subscribed to and one of those two – Airtime Thrills – is pretty popular “in the scene.” I’m not gonna lie, I was going out of my way to avoid being in the background (chooch and I had some dicey moments though and it’s yet to be determined how successful we were at making ourselves blend into the scenery) but it’s really cool knowing that we’ll have a video archive of our trip, basically!

I didn’t talk to Airtime Thrills even once on the whole trip, but he seemed pretty chill. Here is his video of Day One of the trip, which consisted of Bakken (already posted about this one) and Tivoli Gardens, which I finally finished organizing my photos for so I will get that recapped for you guys tomorrow (I imagined a bunch of stuffed animals lined up on my bed like a soft and plushy audience when I said “you guys”).

He does a much better job explaining the parks and coasters. For instance, Janna asked if there were any rides at Bakken when it first opened a billion years ago and I was like “I don’t fucking know, Janna, maybe wiki that shit!” But then later, I made her watch AirTime Thrills’ video and she was like “oh good, he answered my question.” Ugh shut up, Janna! I was too busy trying to get boost mode on Twister to visit the Bakken Historical Society!