Aug 162013
 

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#20: Obligatory Bathroom Mirror Snap.

I generally would never take a picture like this, let alone post one on the Internet because OMG full body! And also, I’m not actually a teenager (I know, right!?). But the whole point of doing this challenge is well, to challenge myself. I’ve been forcing myself out of my comfort zone and even took a picture of my profile (see further below), which I HATE. But you know, get over it, Erin, right? I mean, God help me if I ever get married (haha, laughs, jokes, frivolty)—how will I be able to stand having my photo taken? I can’t wear an animal mask for EVERY SINGLE POSE.

(I mean, I guess I could….)

Anyway, this was the bathroom at Amel’s and I liked it.

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#21: My handsome new boyfriend and me.

So last Sunday, my crew and I were en route to the park where we almost all broke up with each other as a family, when Kaitlin texted me a photo of one of the clown head helium tank covers and said, “This is at Trader Jack’s right now.” Of course I made her go and find out the price and then I made Henry make a giant loop around the city so we could go back in the opposite direction and claim my new trophy. Henry reaallllllly disliked Kaitlin in that moment, I think. Haha.

My hair is so unwashed in this photo.

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#22: Sorry, Bloods. I’m a Cripp today.

(I’m still really into apples, btw. Trying to actually get my first tattoo covered with a glorious apple. We’ll see.)

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#23: Blanket Burrito.

It’s August outside, Antarctica in the office.

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#24: Profile

Ugh, I don’t know why this makes me so uncomfortable. I’m so weird about my photo. If you scroll through my Instagram prior to this challenge, you might see a few pictures of me but they are mostly me and Chooch together, because he’s my photographical security blanket. And then when I would feel brave enough to take photos of myself with the “good camera,” I always had to have a schtick: a Trix moustache. Heart lips. Frosting makeup.

Something that distracts (and detracts, even) from my face.

And I hate hate hate when someone else takes my picture. I guess I don’t really think I’m ugly, per se; I mean, I can walk down the street without getting called Rocky Dennis, but I’m not really what you would call conventionally pretty either. I feel that I have the kind of face that you really have to look at before maybe certain things fall into place and you might think, “OK, she’s alright”–this is on a good day– but then you have to be careful because if you look too long, it all starts to fall apart and you can really see that I just look like a turtle with a Jay Leno chin.

In other words, I don’t think Henry has to worry about Jonny Craig stealing me, haha.

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#25: Busy Background.

I’ve been told, several times actually, that I look like a cartoon “in a good way,” whatever that means. I mean…OK? Joke’s on all those kawaii/Harajuku broads who have to go out of their way with wigs and strange makeup when I look animated naturally, I guess? Most of the time, I just don’t want anyone to look at me at all, so herein lies the real challenge of this 30 day thingie!

Also, I wish I could wear that shirt everyday for the rest of my life.

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#26: Memento

Yesterday, I couldn’t choose which photo looked least awful, so I photoshopped my runner-up in this empty picture frame. Using my phone. On the goddamn trolley. So, don’t judge the sloppiness of it!

MORAL: All of this is to say that I’m finally ready to stop blaming my insecurities on “that awful job” I had a decade ago, or “the weight I gained from having a baby” or “being constantly criticized by my family.” Fuck that. I’m too old to keep carrying around those excuses. It’s time to stop caring, so thank you, A Beautiful Mess, for holding my hand in some strange way and helping me take the first tiny baby steps to standing a little bit taller. (Even Henry said he kind of noticed a difference, and Henry typically doesn’t notice SHITTTTT.)

But really—four more pictures and I’m donezo, woooooo!!

 

  4 Responses to “A Beautiful Mess Self Portrait Thingie: Week 4”

  1. You are wonderful and you do not look like a turtle with Jay Leno’s chin.

    Seriously. SRSLY.

    You are noticeably thinner lately. Just thought you should know. Also, you’re pretty great but your pictures with clowns still make me antsy. Love that cat shirt!

  2. I seriously love the profile photo

  3. I think you are, as most of us are, too hard on yourself. You have a lovely face and I think you’d be a lot of fun to photograph. And, you know, it’s been YEARS since I’ve forced someone to dress up for me and pose so I’m way overdue.

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