Mar 182008
 

I just went into the bathroom to beat the shit out of my left contact, which was acting like an asshole. When I took it out, it ripped in half. So now I can only see out of my right eye. Where "see" means "squinting out a foggy window." Bob keeps shaking his head and saying, "You should have just told your doctor the truth" and I keep defiantly rebutting this. It’s only a matter of time before I start stamping my feet.

But Collin agreed. "You probably would have had glasses by now if you had told the truth and ordered a pair yesterday," he said. Ugh! Does no one understand that I don’t want to buy glasses??

When I was on my way home from the eye doctor yesterday, two Mormon missionaries were walking toward me. I squinted all up in their faces as the one girl pawned off a Jesus card on me, trying to see if one of them was the missionary girl I interviewed back in October. But they were two new girls that I had never seen before.

I graciously paused and let them talk to me, hoping that God would take notice of standing within such close proximity of religious people, and perhaps he would correct my vision with painless rays of Heaven light, like some sort of Holy Lasik. That hasn’t happened yet, but I keep checking my mail box ofr a voucher.

I asked the girls if they know Hayley. They both seemed taken aback. "You mean…Sister McRae?" the dominant one of the pair corrected me. I forgot that it’s some sort of weird taboo to use their first names. Collin said Hayley’s probably getting flogged right now for revealing hers to me.

Anyway, they’re coming to my house this weekend. I hope God is watching. Maybe he’ll have them bring me glasses.

  8 Responses to “Eye Update!!!”

  1. oh- man what if she does get in trouble???

    SCREW THEM THEN.

  2. Yes, why don’t people understand that we don’t want glasses. My last pair is untraceable – and I’m quite content with that state of affairs, thank you. yay for contacts. And yes, I spent 5 days wearing one contact. No squint yet. You go, girl.

    *Maybe he’ll have them bring me glasses.*
    Lol…cracked me up!

  3. “I forgot that it’s some sort of weird taboo to use their first names. Collin said Hayley’s probably getting flogged right now for revealing hers to me.”

    Totally! One time my friend David was telling me about some missionaries that were coming to his house, and I asked what their names were.

    And he was all, “Elder Johnson” or whatever.

    “No, what’s his NAME?” I asked. “He’s younger than I am and I’m not calling him Elder anything.”

    And he was all hush-hush when he told me it was Steven. WTF! I’m not playing that game. He calls me Alyson? I call him Steven. End of story.

    Fucking cult.

    • I never did ask them what the deal is with the name thing. Did David ever tell you the reasoning?

    • If he did, his answer escapes me now. It was probably some bullshit about how they are in whatever priesthood they get roped into, so they have that title for royal Mormon reasons.

  4. I think I may have mentioned to you before – I get scolded by my immediate family if I refer to my little brother as Derrick. He’s been Derrick my whole life! This whole “Elder Brinton” thing feels so foreign and weird to me. I mean sure, ok, thats his title now, I’ll address him that way…but they won’t even let me talk about him when he’s not there, as Derrick?

    But then my family always takes all this mormon stuff to an extreme. It’s a big part of why I split from the whole thing. Although, let me know if that heavenly lasik works out for you, I might have to rethink that decision!

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