Jun 192010
 

Earth-shattering updates throughout the day, brought to you by Tart-Tits. Please try to continue breathing while taking it all in.

  • 15:29 Now I get to go throw up in the boneyard. #
  • 15:40 So, Chooch acted like a complete dude around his cousin Brooke. #
  • 16:27 Sitting in traffic with Mama by Genesis playing loudly makes me lose my shit. #
  • 17:11 I think it’s safe to say I’m a cemetery bulimic. #
  • 19:44 If I want replies, I post to Facebook; if I want my thoughts to waft away thru the ether on the wings of crickets, I post to Twitter. #
  • 19:59 My heart sunk as Henry said “William Caplan died” but really it was “Why do u have a cap on yr head?” I don’t even know a William Caplan #
  • 20:00 And I don’t know why I have a cap on my head, other than Chooch put it there 10 minutes ago. Now I wish I had a William Caplan in my life. #
  • 20:01 ….and maybe even on my head. #
  • 22:38 The people who live behind us (in a house, not our assholes) are roasting marshmallows which I can smell. And I think that’s just rude. #
  • 23:10 Im left with no choice but to retaliate with toasted crack from my stove. Who’s jealous now, you s’mores snarfing dildos. #
  • 23:39 I swear I just heard a phantom ESPN Sportscenter hockey text. :( #
  • ***
  • 09:36 My child discovered Henry bought a bunch of ramen noodles & he’s acting like it’s Christmas. I CANT BELIEVE WE HAVE MY FAVORITE NOODLES! #
  • 10:00 I just really want to see my grandma today. It was looking optimistic, but has quickly fucked itself repeatedly with a hot curling iron. #
  • 11:01 In about 5 minutes, I will either be walking into my grandma’s house peacefully, or kicking in the door. Wish me luck. #
  • 11:05 Either way, I’ll be leaving in tears. #
  • 12:59 30 minutes with my grandma is better than 8 months of nothing, I guess. The situation is exhausting. #
  • 13:48 I’m half-hearted about everything today. Arts Festival included, yet somehow I find myself being dragged there. #
  • 14:22 That’s the first time in 14 years I had to talk my way out of going to the Arts Festival. Today has been a brilliant day. So full of LOVE. #
  • 14:27 If June 13, 2010 had a fanpage on Facebook, I’d “like” it just so I could unlike it .0002 seconds later. You’re a prick, Today! #
  • 14:37 What, you don’t have birthday patties? You have birthday PARTIES? Gee willickers, what the fuck are those? #
  • 15:08 This has been such a killer month for new releases. I’ve had a boner for the last three weeks NO LIE I’M A GUY. #
  • 15:39 Watching Chooch walk down the street with Henry to Pgh Popcorn made me tear up. Time for my testosterone shot. #
  • 16:36 My Top 3 Weekly #lastfm artists: Mad at Gravity (2), Call the Cops (2) and Mike Posner & The Brain Trust (2) #lastfm bit.ly/cSh Gmp #
  • 17:22 There is always something wrong with me. My right ear has felt like it has a seashell over it for the last 4 days. Awesome for my balance. #
  • 17:54 Will someone please tell @awoodhick I think I have a fever? He doesn’t seem to CARE ENOUGH to respond to my cries for an infirmary trip. #
  • 19:15 If I was ever kidnapped, I’d tell Twitter first. Henry would probably already know, considering he’d have been the one to arrange it. #
  • 19:20 I’m losing my VOICE NOW. I’d steal @saucalisha’s but hers makes woodland creatures weep:( #
  • 19:31 I love hearing lawyers talk about their vaca plans. OH HELLO, MISTER NOT REALLY. #
  • 21:28 My hand hurts from holding the bowl of soup Henry made me! This is the worst night ever-herererrrrrrrrrrrrrr. #
  • ***
  • 12:18 Been a weird family week: Blake is “living” w/ us now, half-bro contacted me out of the blue, bio-dad’s mom & aunt are visiting today. #
  • 12:19 Not to mention meeting my niece for the first time, plus the Grandma drama. I feel disoriented. This warrants a vaca, I think. #
  • 15:25 It appears I might have another older brother. My dad’s been dead for 27 years yet the surprises keep a’coming. #
  • 15:32 Chooch starts all his stories with “Yeah because…” #
  • 19:32 Why was I crying just then? Just daydreaming about hockey. :( #
  • 21:21 My new roommate Blake brought home mouthwash. #
  • 21:43 Roommate Coloring Hour. twitpic.com/1x4xr5 #
  • ***
  • 09:19 VIDEO OF ME & MY FANTASTIC VOICE, OMG WATCH OR DIE: After yesterday’s heavy entry, I wanted to lighten the mood a … bit.ly/bhbUOp #
  • 09:31 Vic Fuentes is brilliant. Worth the wait. #
  • 10:06 I feel sorry for any song that tries to follow Underminded’s “Who Needs a Bodybag.” #
  • 11:00 Just kicked it at the cem. My sweat stinks of chicken soup. #
  • 12:04 When someone says “I’ll take care of it,” I never believe them, thanks to nine years of Henry not taking care of it. #
  • 12:45 I’m having fun with #formspringme. (Oh, am I?) Create an account and follow me at formspring.me/ohhonestlyerin (Yes, do that.) #
  • 14:16 I came outside and 3 kids instantly glommed onto me. I give good awkward & kids clearly love that. I am in kindercare hell. #
  • 14:47 I’m now the property of a 6-year-old girl. When it was time for me to come inside, she screamed, “BUT I WANT TO PLAY WITH THE BIG GIRL!” Hm. #
  • ***
  • 09:16 If all goes as planned, I should be seeing my older brother today for the first time in 11 years. #
  • 09:32 Chooch & Brooke: The Big Meet-Up bit.ly/deYTFI #
  • 11:40 Oh my god Chooch and my big brother could get in real trouble together. #
  • 11:46 My Grandma Lois keeps thinking my brother is Chooch’s dad and we’re like NO! GROSS! #
  • 14:54 I have a big brother, too!: I haven’t talked to my older brother Shawn (same dad) in about three years and haven’t… bit.ly/bBP32p #
  • 15:12 RT @TSNBobMcKenzie Halak to the St. Louis Blues. Done deal. #
  • 18:19 I want a black forest cake for my birthday. And some dynamite. #
  • 19:44 Today is real special, you know? #
  • ***
  • 00:24 Pretend everytime I entered a room, my arrival was announced through song by that broad in Thuggish Ruggish Bone. #
  • 09:33 When a Neighbor’s Inability to Drive Becomes EVERYONE’S Problem: A few months ago, Hot Naybor Chris’s wife became … bit.ly/awh1cq #
  • 11:39 Honestly thought I was about to be Susie Salmon’d just a bit ago in the cemetery. Maybe all my soupy sweat was the deterrent. #
  • 12:05 Chooch gets glass in his hand when he’s on Henry’s watch. Also, I don’t think anyone should use “exquisite” when talking about donuts. #
  • 13:36 I need more goth friends. #
  • 14:31 Me: This person says I have a “cute blog.” Henry, smirking: That means they didn’t read it. #
  • 14:34 Cross-eyed now from trying to take pictures of myself wearing my asshole-y new glasses while simultaneously wearing contacts. #
  • 14:55 It’s like looking for the perfect penis.: Well. My glasses are here. Yaaayyyy…. I hate them. They’re not big enoug… bit.ly/bJJ2F6 #
  • 19:06 Honestly thought I was about to be Susie Salmon’d just a bit ago in the cemetery. Maybe all my soupy sweat was the deterrent. #
  • 19:39 There’s an attorney here named Giovannelli. I’m taking that as a sign to listen to some Gino Vannelli tonight. NOT THAT I NEED A REASON. #
  • 21:17 I must have missed the memo that said Henry gets to treat me like shit in return for me allowing his son to live with us. #
  • 23:07 Suggested we consummate our love by playing an 11pm game of #thingieball. Henry unsurprisingly de clined. #
  • ***
  • 08:43 #deardad remember when i was 3 & you crashed your truck & died because you were a drug addicted alkie? Fond memory! #
  • 11:20 Perhaps I should start letting someone know exactly what cemetery I’m going to in case I do actually pass out or get kilt one of these days. #
  • 13:25 The Christina Chronicles: The Death Tree: A green and black striped Henley and jeans with a hole in the knee was w… bit.ly/dyIYNn #
  • 13:26 That was super hard to write. Super super hard. #
  • 14:29 Hi Twitter. I just had a long heart-to-heart with my mysterious neighbor and I feel so much better now. #

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