In between two of the 87 bratty post-birthday meltdowns I had today, I warned Henry that there was something I had to tell him. I used one of several “This is serious” tones I’ve collected from years of Days of Our Lives viewing.
Henry was walking past me when this happened, so he slowed to a tentative stop and cautiously asked, “What?”
Now, this could go several ways. I could tell Henry I’m cheating on him. I could tell him I used a fork on one of his precious cooking pans. I could tell him I can’t wait for the 2012 Olympics so I can take my no-holds-barred humanity heckling global. Nothing puts me in the mood for some ethnic bashing than some good old-fashioned synchronized swimming.
It was none of these things, though.
“Yesterday at the fair,” I started.
“Yeah?” Henry asked, his moustache bristling in trepidation.
I baited him slowly. “I did something.”
“What did you do?” Henry asked in an exhausted sigh, probably realizing that we weren’t together the whole time yesterday and bracing himself.
“Whenever I felt sad, I looked at a picture of Jonny Craig on my phone,” I admitted gravely.
Henry shook his head and continued on his march toward to the kitchen, bent out of shape that I wasted a whole minute of his life when he wasted my last ten years.
“And then it made me feel so not-so-sad!” I giddily called after him.
Right now, I am currently designing my own I <3 Jonny Craig t-shirt. I’m going to wear it to the mall and all the 15-year-old girls are going to want to sit by me in the food court.
Raindrops on roses. Whiskers on kittens. Pictures of Jonny Craig on your phone and warm woolen mittens.
Haha, I love this comment!
I had to go google who the hell Jonny Craig was;;;;;;hangs head in shame::::
Don’t feel shame. He’s not very famous.