Nov 272015

We’re doing our yearly “shit, this house is a sty, let’s move things around and mask the mess with glitter and paint” song & dance. We have this one bookshelf downstairs that used to be a shelf for books but has somehow become the catch all for our card supplies*, of which we have a lot. Card stock, envelopes, tape, mailing crap…it all lies willy nilly on this shelf and it LOOKS HIDEOUS.

(*non compos cards  for your serial killer greeting card needs, y’all)

So I thought while Henry was at work today that I would do something nice and start taking everything off the shelf all on my own. I had everything in piles; card shit, my precious stuff, and stuff that looked like garbage but was probably shit that Henry needed because all his crap is boring and looks like garbage. 

While I was at it, I started pulling shit off a shelf we have upstairs too. It felt great to chuck things into the trash! And I even found an old Fall Out Boy ticket stub from 2004! And the grilled cheese drawling my friend Sarah made me years ago which I am still going to get tattooed someday. And also a calculus test that I got a 100% on and now Chooch is in awe of me because he apparently missed the thousands of memos I leave around the house that talk about HOW SMART I IS. 

 Anyway, Henry came home from work and I was all, “Surprise!” while coughing on dust bunnies. 

He was surprisingly PISSED?! Apparently he wanted to do this himself and look at the mess I made, blah blah blah and he actually RAISED HIS VOICE AT ME?!

Oh bitch you did not. 


So I did what I always do and ran upstairs to pout, kicking something over in a fit of rage on the way to my room. 

Henry came up a few minutes later and calmly said, “I’m sorry I yelled at you….but you have to pick up that stuff you kicked out there” and then he started laughing so I kicked him in the stomach and we’re even now. 

Also, I didn’t pick up what I kicked over. He did, haha. And now he’s hanging up pictures at 11pm because I told him I didn’t feel like waiting till tomorrow for it to be done.

Ooh! Ooh! Speaking of tomorrow, we’re decorating Trudy tomorrow night with Corey and Janna! Chooch was like, “Tell Corey and Janna that I will play Xmas songs on my keyboard” and sadly, he was serious. I hate Xmas songs. 

“Can we drink lots of wine?” Corey texted me. I read it to Henry and he muttered, “I don’t care what you do.”

Speaking of Trudy, today I yelled at Chooch because he left the front door open and Trudy didn’t have pants on! Rude. 

  One Response to “Henry the Brute”

  1. The rudeness that surrounds you is entirely appalling!

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