Hi. I barely read in August. I think I went into it too cocky and brought three (3!!) books on vacation with me. OK, Erin. Calm down. I didn’t read AT ALL until the flight back to the States, and even then, it was only about 30 pages. I don’t know why I thought I was going to read on the bus during our vacation. Hello, I was too busy being practically cupping my ears so that I wouldn’t miss a single conversation around me!! The bus was so entertaining every day! (Henry and Chooch probably will say otherwise, but that’s because they’re not coated in nosiness and rolled in powdery FOMO like I am.)

Anyway, here are the very few books I did read!

1. The Guest – Emma Cline

After checking this out of the library and realizing that I also read Cline’s other book, The Girls, I started to think it was a mistake, assumed there was a big possibility it could be a DNF, and almost didn’t even give it a chance. But then I started reading it and couldn’t stop. It does start out slow, like “Where the fuck is this going?” and it’s also one of those “cool hot Williamsburg girl” books that I usually “DON’T GET” because I’m too old and don’t wear, I dunno, corduroy pants and belly shirts. But I was invested in this bitch’s end of the summer saga, basically being homeless in some bougie area of Long Island after her sugar daddy kicks her out, dodging some dude who she owes a bunch of money to, and just basically using every motherfucker that gets caught in her human-hurricane path.

Somehow, for as little redeeming qualities as she had, I still found myself rooting for her and just eating up the words on every page with a fucking grapefruit spoon, mmkay. This book might not for you or you, but I bet it’s for you. Yeah, you. Over there.

2. Yellowface – R.F. Kuang

If you’re even MODERATELY into books, you have likely seen this on a bunch of best-of lists. Four stars for me, fam. The writing was smart, the plot was fresh, and it shone a spotlight on racism and appropriation in a unique way that challenged my way of thinking several times. I feel like when it comes to topics like these, we should never stop checking ourselves and allowing the discomfort to happen because that’s how we grow. And this book definitely had me tugging at my collar more than once. It’s not finger-waggy at all though – strip that all away and you’re still left with an entertaining and tense (and at times, funny) novel about the publishing industry and plagiarism. (JANNA, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I THINK YOU WOULD LIKE THIS.)

I read The Poppy War by Kuang a few years ago but that was like, a 600-page fantasy – it blows my mind that this is the same writer. She is stupidly talented!

3. We Were Never Here – Andrea Bartz

Remember last month when I read another Bartz book and hated it so much? Well, I had also checked this one out of the library at the same time and returned it with the other book without even bothering to try out the first page. But then I snagged it on audio because I’m a sucker and needed something to listen to on my morning walks when we came back from vacation. Wow, this book was less bad than the last one of hers I read, but still not great. 2.5.

4. Dead Eleven – Jimmy Juliano

Oh, how I wanted this to be a 5-star read. I really, really did. The plot was great, I loved the writing, the characters were interesting. I loved that it was “set” in 1992. I loved the OJ and pog references. But I didn’t love that it didn’t scare me. I still think I would recommend this to anyone looking for a supernatural horror book because I feel like most people aren’t as picky as me when it comes to horror?? I want to have the “icy chills on a 90 degree summer afternoon” type of experience while reading horror. I LOVE horror books in the summer. But I just have a tough time finding ones that get under my skin. Please help me.

5. All-Night Pharmacy – Ruth Madievsky

I truly had no idea what was going on through most of this – lots of drugs, sex, people being shitty to each other. But when that shit wasn’t going on, there were moments of brilliance here. Basically, the main character has a very dependent and toxic relationship with her older sister, and then accidentally-maybe-on-purpose stabs her one night then spends the next two years somewhat-searching for her after she disappears. I don’t know, it’s a weird one. Not relatable for me AT ALL and I was bored for long swathes of it, but then somehow, the very last line of the book made me fucking laugh out loud. Three stars. Again, I feel like this is the type of book girls in their early 20s who dress like it’s 1995 and mommy bought them everything out of the Delia*s catalogue would devour on the bus to a rave in Brooklyn.

***

And that’s all from me for August. :( I usually average 10 books a month but sometimes you gotta take your nose out of the books and marathon roller coasters in Europe for 2 weeks!

This was going to be a LiveBlog yesterday while we were at King’s Dominion and I did start it, I swear, but it was like 95 degrees out and I was swaying in and out of consciousness all day lol.

Here’s how it started:

****

We’re at King’s Dominion today! Got here around 1pm. Grizzly was our first coaster because it was recently retracked and soooo jackhammery before. I was interested to see if it was better. And it was!! Until we got to the part that wasn’t retracked. A jarring transition.

But the Bae, Twisted Timbers, made up for it!!

I305 – still the only coaster that sincerely terrifies me but goddamn I love it so much. This is the most I have ever grayed out, Jesus.

Apparently Henry took this of us standing in line for Tumbili, which was an annoying wait as usual for 4d free spins. Suddenly Henry has a new phone that takes decent photos. I’m shook.

4:04pm: been standing in line for this stupid rapids ride for like 45 minutes when everything else is practically a walk-on. Yay 93 degree day. Some lady in front of us started to pass out and her group had to take her out of line :( I saw her sitting down afterward and asked if she was ok and she said YES and thanked me for asking while rude-asses Henry and Chooch breezed past her with nary a well-wish.

This was the WORST ops I have ever seen a rapids ride. Usually the thru-put is so high because the rafts never stop moving on a conveyor belt but this one would have three rafts come to a complete stop while people would exit and then new people would board. It was frustrating, especially when you were done with the stupid ride but had to sit on an uncomfortable incline, waiting to be in the next group of three that got to exit.

We sat with a younger couple and Henry was like OH HO HO HO!!! when she and I both got pelted with water but he was ONLY looking at her because she was the younger, better model and acted like she was the only one who got soaked when I was sitting there scrunched up as my entire backside and part of my left side were drenched?!?! And he kept talking about it after the ride too and I was like “bitch can you not see that I am literally sopping wet?!” That whole experience was so frustrating. Just another day of being invisible to Henry. Can’t wait to get married 🙄

You guys I love Racer so much even though the dumb thing doesn’t race anytime we’re here!

****

Ok that’s as far as I got yesterday so I guess I will continue this while we’re making our way back home but first we are going to get breakfast at some place I’ve been Instagram stalking for years but it’s 20 minutes out of the way and the location that had the French toast special I wanted is closed and the other one has different specials but this fits with the theme of this overnight trip of Erin not getting what she wanted. Hoo boy you should have been there last night during the ICE CREAM FIASCO which always seems to happen when we’re in Virginia. Virginians, quick question be honest – why do you guys hate ice cream?! Every time we come here it’s like HELLO where do you people go for ice cream that’s not a fucking Rita’s or DQ?!

Anyway!! Here you can see some photos from SB’s LOVESHACK something or other! The location that had the FRENCH TOAST SPECIAL that I wanted was closed today and the other location just had plain French toast so I was sad BUT it at least came with blue whipped cream and glitter so that made me happy.

Chooch got a Lakeside Latte which was a caramel and maple delight so then Henry had to copy.

Anyway, we had a great waiter who was wearing a green furry cowboy hat and liked my Pee Wee shirt. From my KEEN OBSERVATION I would say we got the best waiter there.

Anyway, everything was B52’s themed. Imagine liking the B52’s so much that you open two restaurants dedicated to them.

OMG what if I suddenly was an expert at restaurant stuff and opened one themed to @nct ?????!!! And every time someone ordered a lemonade, an alarm would go off and NCT127’s Lemonade would come blaring out?! And I would have an entire section of NCT lemonade favors (they would all be dyed lime green obviduh) to greaten the odds of one being ordered?! DID I JUST REALIZE MY LIFE GOAL?!

Maybe I’ll enroll in college with Chooch so I can learn restaurant stuff.

Or maybe I should just grab a cardboard box and set up a lemonade stand.

Should we talk about more King’s Dominion stuff now that I am full of edible glitter and we’re headed back to Pittsburgh? Ok. Thanks for the permission.

We have never ridden the Ferris wheel here but in case you were wondering if one exists, it does.

The new section is really nice! Tumbili is not great (slow AF ops but these rides are notorious for being slow to load in general) but it’s really nice to look at – it’s themed on a monkey I guess? So the cars are supposed to be monkeys playing on vines in a jungle. The supports were even painted to look like bamboo which was a nice touch.

The second time we rode Intimidator 305 wasn’t *as* good as earlier that day but damn this ride. I can’t imagine riding this for the first time knowing nothing about it and then graying out and thinking you were going to die.

Chooch took this photo and the spots on the lens gave me a angry flashback to when my old DSLR had spots inside somewhere but I was too ambivalent to investigate and correct the issue. But yeah I made him take this picture when we were sitting on the brake run (HIS PHONE WAS SECURELY STOWED AWAY IN HIS ZIPPERED POCKET DURING THE RIDE, NICE TRY NARCS!!!) because of the crow flying by.

FLIGHT OF FEAR!!! Henry did not want to ride this but it’s air conditioned inside the queue (well, it’s supposed to be but this time the A/C seemed to be limited to station). I actually love this ride a lot. It might have been the first launched coaster I’ve ever ridden back when I first went to King’s Island in 2004? Could that be true though?? Maybe. I don’t know. Who can be sure.

I liked the ride op for this one because he was fucking with the riders so hard before the sending the train. For us, an alarm went off and I actually fell for it, I thought there was, I dunno, a security breach or something. But right when I started to say “What is th—-” to Chooch, the launch happened and I was the only person screaming like GP.

***

BACK TO REAL TIME: it is 1:23pm and we are at the Fairfax Coffee Co or something in Berkeley Springs, WV waiting for our lunch to go.

Cute vibes and good veg/vegan options!

And good bathroom selfie mirror!

Food quality TBD. I’ll get back to you on that, blog.

Some asshole child abandoned their sunglasses on the couch at the cafe because children do not value their possessions. I know this because I’m the owner of a 17-year-old child who does not value his possessions. Actually, here he is modeling the sunglasses in question.

Went next door to an antique mall while Henry was waiting for the food. I found nothing that spoke to me. Henry said “thank god.”

Ate our sandwiches (or “sandos” if you’re one of those pretentious Oak Hill Post pricks). Henry got the “Reubenesque” which was a Reuben (duh) with faux-whatever meat is on a Reuben. Chooch and I both got a PB&J. Henry and I shared ours and while his was good, I was the loser in that scenario because the PB&J was way more satisfying (or, as my phone’s autocorrecting wants you to believe: SATs dying.)

Jesus, Henry calm down. (This is out of focus because I was about to take a picture of my own half and saw him going in for the kill out of the corner of my eye and had to snap it up.)

This town is quaint. And only around 2.5 hours from home. Will I go out of my way to return? Maybe put a bingsu cafe in there somewhere and a Kpop shop. Watch me fly back.

****

Anyway, back to yesterday. King’s dominion was an alright time. I was fine until the very end (we left around 8:30) when I wanted soft serve and the only option at KD is Rita’s. Excuse me sir but there is a Rita’s 2 minutes from my house. I think Rita’s is overrated.

So yeah, Chooch and I rode Dominator as our last ride and then the Great Ice Cream Blowout of the Third Quarter happened which is nothing new. I was also PMSing heavily at this point so my actions should be excused as I am generally a precious Angel baby cotton candy loaf.

(The way I can picture Henry frowning at that entire statement…)

You know what we never fought about in European amusement parks? Ice cream. Because there were ice cream options on every corner I swear to Christ.

Also, the bathrooms were excelsior. Clean. Pretty. Private. Plus you could tell which stalls were vacant without having to pace like a panther in the wild, trying to peek under to spot feet.

Oh and our lunch at KD cost $77. 🤢 Granted, it was satisfying (for Chooch and me anyway, Henry was underwhelmed) but when you consider that Chooch and I had to choose three sides since all of the entrees were meat, plus Henry got a chocolate chip cookie in addition to his entree meal, and Chooch got a tiny strawberry shortcake, this still doesn’t seem like $77’s worth of food but what do I know, I took zero economics classes in school.

Take me back.

***

Hi, back to today. We are 1:23 hours from home so I will end this here.

Still on the first day of the Coaster Crew Norden Adventure. We left Bakken around 3pm, ooh’d and ahh’d as the bus driver nearly wiped out several cars on the extremely narrow road (I felt like it was our group’s first collective moment of excitement! Something to remember!), and then made it back to Copenhagen around 4pm for our next park of the day, the famous Tivoli Gardens.

Now, this park has been on my bucket list for years because it’s world-renowned for being not only truly aesthetic and charming, but also the inspiration behind Disney World (Disneyland? I forget which one! Let me Google, please hold).

(Disneyland! I am not a Disneyhead, so pardon me.)

It’s also home to the world’s oldest rollercoaster, Rutschebanen. Yes, Bakken also had a coaster of the same name because it literally translates to “roller coaster.” So, you know, not the most original, but historical nonetheless!

180 years old!

We all had to wait here at the entrance while Tim procured our wristbands and also food vouchers, how wonderful! Aside from ice cream and licorice, we hadn’t actually eaten anything substantial at Bakken so we were pretty hungry by this point.

First, though, I needed a bathroom so let’s look at some of the views that were eyeballed along the way as I followed signs for the bathroom like Alice chasing the white rabbit. This place was really giving Wonderland, now that I think about it. It truly felt like we were back in Victorian times, running through a hedge maze looking for the WC.

Turned a corner into a tree of birdhouses, at one point, before finally finding the bathroom!

“Why would you go to Europe just for amusement parks?” said so many people.

Tivoli Gardens is a big reason why. So STEP OFF, HATER.

Tivoli Gardens is literally like one giant garden, just with some roller coasters and other thrills rides springing up here and there. This is the kind of the park that you want to come to even if you don’t like riding anything, because the atmosphere is ethereal, and the food is not your typical soggy burgers and wet pizza that we attribute to American theme parks.

I made Chooch stop for this photo op while we were on the hunt for this alleged veggie burger being served somewhere near the B&M invery, Daemonen.

Found it! Apparently, Henry didn’t want to eat anything at this particular place and he was being a big wah-wah crybaby about it, especially when I told him to take his bitchy ass elsewhere and save us a table.

Meanwhile, Chooch and I had an enjoyable ordering process. This smiling blond girl over there was so friendly! Honestly, we never encountered an unfriendly person anywhere we went except for the TRAIN GUY WHO YELLED AT US AT THE COPENHAGEN AIRPORT. Not a fan of that prick.

This veggie burger was delicious and I loved the souvenir cups our drinks were served in! This was also notable as being Chooch’s introduction to Faxe Kondi, a Sprite-like soft drink that he became obsessed with. He got a bottle of it somewhere else along the way and requested that we keep the bottle. That bottle made it all the way to Helsinki and then somehow didn’t make it back to Pittsburgh, explain yourself, Henry.

Anyway, now he wants a Faxe Kondi t-shirt.

Also, if you live somewhere in the US where Faxe Kondi can be found, please do alert your friendly blog hostess, thanks in advance.

While we were eating, we sent Henry back to the hotel (within walking distance) to get the portable charger because god forbid our phones should die!! Henry actually did it too because thar’s why we bring him. Meanwhile, Chooch and I rode Daemonen with Cassie and Sherry from our group! I was so stoked to ride with new friends. My life is very small and it doesn’t take much for me to feel fulfilled.

LOL who am I kidding?! We all know I’m never satisfied. The doves have been crying about that for years.

Anyway, our first non-US B&M! (I don’t think we rode any in Korea?! Canada?? Definitely not Tokyo Disney Sea.) The restraint stopped so high up – I actually couldn’t believe it and was actually marginally terrified of the amount of wiggle room this allowed. I’m so used to being stapled, I guess.

But overall, a nice invert. It definitely didn’t dethrone any of my faves in the US, but I gotta admit that the theming of Daemonen was beautiful. Look at the ceiling of the station!!

Henry still hadn’t made his big heroic return to the park yet, so Chooch and I continued our quest for credits and got in line for Maelkevejen – a power coaster that translates to Milky Way. This was somehow the longest line we stood in all day (Daemonen was only about 30 minutes) – I really want to say we waited at least an hour. Standing in line and watching each cycle had me questioning my choices because this basically seemed like a tame little family coaster.

View from one of the many parts in line where we set up camp. Henry eventually returned to Tivoli and we saw him being creepy down there, look like Michael Myers in the Daylight, in search of a bush into which to retreat backward. We also saw a bunch of Coaster Crew in line too. Believe me, this would not ever get old to me. I was always so happy to see familiar faces, even if they belonged to the small handful of people I never talked to.

I loved the ceiling of the station!! It was so retro and gave me Gemini feels.

OK you guys – this ride. THIS RIDE. It ended up being one of my favorites of the whole trip and I desperately wish we had been able to reride it, but anytime a ride is THIS fun and makes me scream my go-to giddy coaster curse of JANNAAAAAA!!!! then you know it’s special. It really made me so fucking happy and gave me a big case of the giggles. Even Chooch was laughing too although he made sure to tell me that I was annoying and to stop, but come on, this coaster had him loving life too. I’m sorry, but sometimes I don’t need super intense launches or crazy inversions – just give me some surprise tunnels and a gut-tickling helix.

For reference, Adventure Express, the fucking MINE TRAIN, is one of my favorite coasters at King’s Island. And this is a park with a stacked coaster line-up. But I will marathon that bitch and act so chaotic that I get yelled at by the ride crew. Airtime’s great but sometimes all I need is FUNTIME.

That made no sense and is probably also my queue to end this recap here because it’s getting late and we’re leaving early in the AM for King’s Dominion. More about this amazing amusement park coming soon!

Janna came over last weekend to endure hours upon hours of Chooch and me recapping our vacation, even casting our photos and videos on the TV like a neo-film projector of yesteryear. I will say, Janna was a good sport about it! I had been dying to tell these stories – some of which cannot be posted here!!! – so thank you Janananama!

Anyway though, while she was here she said that her brother-in-law recently said, “did you know that there are people who are obsessed with roller coasters and they even travel to ride them??” Apparently he had read an article about thoosies and Janna was like “haha, actually…” She said this was even right around the time we drove to Atlanta from Pittsburgh just to ride one single roller coaster. Oh my god, I laughed! What timing.

And we aren’t even nearly as deep into it as some people. In fact, several people on Coaster Crew trip with us even have YouTube channels devoted to traveling for coasters. Two of them I am already subscribed to and one of those two – Airtime Thrills – is pretty popular “in the scene.” I’m not gonna lie, I was going out of my way to avoid being in the background (chooch and I had some dicey moments though and it’s yet to be determined how successful we were at making ourselves blend into the scenery) but it’s really cool knowing that we’ll have a video archive of our trip, basically!

I didn’t talk to Airtime Thrills even once on the whole trip, but he seemed pretty chill. Here is his video of Day One of the trip, which consisted of Bakken (already posted about this one) and Tivoli Gardens, which I finally finished organizing my photos for so I will get that recapped for you guys tomorrow (I imagined a bunch of stuffed animals lined up on my bed like a soft and plushy audience when I said “you guys”).

He does a much better job explaining the parks and coasters. For instance, Janna asked if there were any rides at Bakken when it first opened a billion years ago and I was like “I don’t fucking know, Janna, maybe wiki that shit!” But then later, I made her watch AirTime Thrills’ video and she was like “oh good, he answered my question.” Ugh shut up, Janna! I was too busy trying to get boost mode on Twister to visit the Bakken Historical Society!

Ayo, I am over here drowning in photos that need sorted on my phone, so instead of posting about the second park of our trip, let’s jump ahead like, 8 days and look at post-Coaster Crew photos of Chooch and me being extremely incompatible in Stockholm, Sweden. This was, as noted, our first day without the Coaster Crew buffer so we resumed bickering like little fucking assholes, assuming no one would catch us in our true form but then of course we bumped into a couple of them shopping in Gamla Stan. It’s fine!

Anyway, these photos were also taken in Gamla Stan, after I had cooled off (LOL sort of) from an argument with Henry triggered by his utter inability to take a fucking picture of me. But just you wait, Freddy, we’ll get to that in all the gory detail when the time comes.

Tonight, Henry and I are going to see the Kang Daniel tour documentary at the theater (woo!) but hopefully I will have time tomorrow to finish editing Tivoli pictures because you guys (Linda, Mary, George, Marvin – if I forgot to name you, don’t worry, you’re still a voice I hear in my head!) really need to see them and then feel inspired to go visit Tivoli Gardens. It was pure magic there. Sigh.

How is Chooch a senior?! Oh my gourd, you are so shocked that this is my very original, unique only to me, reaction. No other parent feels this way. Look at me, first mother ever of a 12th grader.

It’s never been done before.

I was going to try and go the contrary route, bee-bop down blasé boulevard, and act like, “Who me? Yeah I got a kid in the TWELFTH GRADE. Me and millions of other moms. Just another day in the life. Bitch please.”

Anyway, yeah I’m gutted. It sucks. (For me, obviously yay Chooch, hoorah, etc.) I’m so stressed with college things and I just can’t.

I was so stoked that he was going to go back to taking pubtrans to school, after getting too spoiled/reliant on me taking him and his friend every day after THE KNEE INCIDENT. But I still have to set my alarm to make sure he gets up because our friend Chooch does not always respond to his alarm.

However, on this particular morning, I had my alarm set for 5:30 but then I heard him getting ready to go downstairs at 5:15! All dressed and ready! I was like what is the meaning of this and he was like “something something Senior Sunrise at the Point” and I know he meant it was like his class gathering at the Point to watch the sunrise or whatever but I kept imaging Paul Eugene there filming a gospel yoga class for seniors.

All of this is to say that’s why his FDOS photos al were taken in the house and not outside, because it was still pitch black out there. Ooof. I dunno how he didn’t fall sleep on the T.

Also, nevermind the fact that he has a tennis bag, he insists on using this small child-sized Kirby backpack, which, let’s be real, I would choose that too over a regular backpack.

So yeah, first day of twelfth grade. I actually went into the office today because I needed company/distractions. It was a good decision and seeing familiar faces was really awesome but now my cat Drew and the squirrels are pissed off at me. :/

I need to go stuff some emotional support licorice into my maw. BBL.

P.S. I think I really need to deadname Chooch and start calling him Riley since he’s 17 fucking years old. UGH WHY.

I’m excited to bring to you photos of the very first park of our Coaster Crew Norden Adventure! Bakken is located just outside of Copenhagen in a town called Klampenborg and it has the distinction of being the world’s oldest operating amusement park. Linda, I have watched so many videos about this place and it was one of the most anticipated stops on the itinerary – it did NOT disappoint!

After our inaugural breakfast with the group (we sat with Pam!!), we boarded the double-decker coach bus for the first of many drives. The excitement was palpable. Well, maybe not Henry’s excitement. He pretty much kept up the general demeanor of a prison warden the whole time, like he was being assigned to sit on a bus with coaster delinquents, making sure no one set off fire crackers in the bus bathroom or ate a tuna fish sandwich on the sly.

We sat adjacent from Justin, who was giddily telling me and the couple in front of me (Marie and Eric) his made-up, inappropriate limericks and jokes. He…was a real source of entertainment for some, but not for all.

I also met Josh and Nick that day, but I don’t think they liked me because I’m a woman who deigned to butt into a conversation about a coaster in South Korea that I have ridden and was just trying to make a connection, but it’s fine. I’m used to being a broad at the sausage party. And the coaster community is just basically a whole ass sausage factory. The older people were a lot more welcoming anyway, so I got over it pretty quickly (LOL as I stayed up until 1AM wine-drunk and ranting to Janna about it).

I believe the weather was in the high 60s that day, maybe pushing 70, and sunny AF.

Right off the bat, I was ENCHANTED by Bakken. It was small, festive, quirky. It definitely didn’t feel like an amusement park by American standards at all, but if I were pressed to compare it to something here….Knoebels? Because while Bakken had a small ride collection, including several coasters, it also had an abundance of restaurants. And I’m not talking like the shitty Six Flags fare we have all come to accept in the States, but legit, nice, sit-down restaurants. If I lived nearby, I could see myself wanting to frequent it for not just the rides (Bakken has a pay-per-ride option!), but even just for a date night (LOL when I imagined this, it was not Henry on these dream dates with me, but the silhouette iPhone emoji). Ugh, I loved the ambiance here SO MUCH.

I mean, would ya LOOK?!

OMG this was one of the best mine trains I have ever ridden. I guess I was expecting some janky death trap, being in the oldest park in the world, but it was fantastic.

Rutschebanen (literally “roller coaster”) was on the anticipated list for me even though it was recently refurbed so that the need for a brakeman was no longer a thing. But it’s still notorious for having a tunnel that is straddled by a giant wooden cutout of a naked lady, so you’re, you know, passing between her legs. It’s amazing and I was so giddy when we got to the part!

I heard a lot of the enthusiasts in our group saying that they were disappointed with this coaster, but I was fully entertained! Look, sometimes a coaster just needs to be a basic fun time, OK? And this was that for me. (Even though I stapled myself BADLY both times we rode it!)

Dude you guys, one of the people in our group, Johnny, films POVs for YouTube. Chooch and I took the back seat, but Henry was like, “ME BIG SHOT MAN, ME WAIT FOR FRONT SEAT” and Johnny asked if he could sit with him. Chooch of course was like, “LOOK, HE MADE A FRIEND” and we were braying over this like the fucking assholes we are. I was talking to Johnny on the way back to the bus (after we ditched Henry and left without him because he was trying to be COOL GUY again by telling some of the younger guys where the gift shop was) and he had me scan his QR code so I could subscribe. Of course I was screaming last night when he posted his POV of Rutschebannen!! HENRY IS SO EMBARRASSING!

I love this video though because I get to see Coaster Crew people! And at the end, after the awkward silence as the train sat on the brake run, that’ Justin asking Johnny questions from the line!

Guys, hoo boy. Tornado was…something else. I have watched plenty of videos about this so I knew going in  that it was going to be crazy, but that it would be even CRAZIER if you can get the ride op to send you in something called BOOST MODE. From the reactions I have seen on YouTube, this is not for the faint of heart. I’m not enough of a coaster nerd to really understand this, but the coaster itself is a spinning model, right? And there is something that the ride op can do where he reaches under the car and — disables, maybe? — a magnet, resulting in an uncontrolled, chaotic spin session. I mean first of, even without boost mode, you’re launched over a lift hill and that alone made me feel like I was being decapitated by the over-the-shoulder restraints.

PAM AND KEVIN ON TORNADO. Who is Kevin, you might be asking? He was another single traveler in our group and he and Pam just kind of organically paired up that day as riding partners, and it just stuck! The number of times I yelled, “THERE’S PAM AND KEVIN!” throughout the trip, you guys, it was a lot. I was always so happy to see them!

Anyway! This was our first time riding it that day and Henry was being a big sissy and said he didn’t want us to ask for boost mode. So, Chooch and I got back in line later that day, but the line was a lot longer than it was when we rode it earlier, so we were concerned about that because we still wanted to explore other parts of the park.

Right after we got in line, this one guy that I recognized from my FAVORITE coaster Youtuber’s, El Toro Ryan,  videos got in line behind us with two other guys. I figured if anyone would know about boost mode it would be Mark and this IS SO DISTURBING and makes me look like a fucking creepy freak, but I knew that he had been to this park before (BLAME YOUTUBE). So I turned around and asked, “Is boost mode worth standing in this line for?”

“Oh, they won’t do boost mode anymore,” he said sadly. “We tried.” And I do remember seeing comments on someone’s YouTube channel from locals who were saying the same thing. I was both disappointed and relieved! Anyway, Mark ended up talking to us the entire time we were in line, and he was beyond nice! I was so happy to be talking to another Coaster Crew person, you guys have no idea! Anyway, he even gave us tips on how to hold the restraint so that the decapitation sensation didn’t happen again.

THANKS MARK IT WORKED!

Anyway, Chooch and I rode with two young girls and while I didn’t notice the ride op doing anything untoward beneath our car, it really felt like we had boost mode?! I mean, it felt like we were riding a completely different coaster from earlier, and I was SCREAMING. I mean, it was horrific, the spinning was unhinged, but I was also laughing hysterically. Even the girls were like OH MY GOD as the coaster came to a stop on the brake run and we all just sat there stunned and bonded over the shared trauma.

I did hear later on that SOME PEOPLE in our group ALLEGEDLY did get boost mode so maybe we did?? I’ll tell you one thing, if that WASN’T boost mode, then I don’t think I want to ever get it. Because whatever we had on that ride was pushing the limit for me, lol.

This is where their clown lives!! Sadly, his first performance of the day was scheduled for the exact time we had to be back on the bus and I was more crushed about this than Boost Mode: Did We or Didn’t We.

And now please enjoy a series of photos of Chooch and me getting that kiddie coaster cred:

Trolls are big over there.

American Troll.

YEAH. BOI. Pistachio for me. I can’t remember if I even looked to see if there was a licorice option, now that I think about it!

Ahhh, this was my indoctrination into Living That Licorice Life. I had been telling Henry for months that aside from the amusement parks, I was most excited to eat all of the fucking licorice on this trip. My love for licorice happened by accident several years ago when I went to Jungle Jims in Cinci and brought back the motherlode of foreign candy for my pumpkin of international candy horrors at work. One of the things I bought, unbeknownst to myself, was SALTY LICORICE (actually from a Danish brand, if I remember correctly). Everyone fucking hated it except for Glenn and me. Actually, I’m not even sure I liked it but I became addicted to the palette trauma and ate them until I got sick, and then bought more bags on Amazon.

I didn’t know at the time about the salmiak phenomenon in Scandinavia and Finland, but once I started researching for this trip, I was like, “OH SNAP IT’S ON.”

So, this was my first Danish licorice purchase! Henry and Chooch chose some non-black licorice flavs, but I was like, “Salmiak me, please.” I started noshing immediately, and of course while we were in line for this one indoor shooter ride, a couple from our group got in line with us and started talking to us; I was CONVINCED that my teeth were coated in licorice tar, so I was trying to talk without moving my lips too much. They ended up still talking to us throughout the entire trip (Dawn and Robert! Two of my faves, honestly) so I guess I didn’t scare them off by recreating the “Francis Chews Trick Gum” scene of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure:

An OK wild mouse. I’ll remember it as the first time we talked to Alex from South Coasters! He sat in our car with Chooch and we briefly chatted afterward – just a really nice guy and he always said hello to us after that.

I wonder what they had at the American Diner…

Um…this was the SLEEPER HIT of Bakken for me! Actually, it was one of my favorites of the whole trip! Looked like it would be something similar to the Spider rides we have in America, but holy shit, this thing was psychotic. It had a wicked spin, and then what I referred to as “the bonus round” once the ride came back to the ground and you’d think the cycle was over, but then it started doing another round of chaotic Scrambler-like spinning on the ground! I was laughing like a hyena and even Chooch was screaming, “How is this so good?!”

LOVE ME A DARK RIDE.

First #carouselfie of the trip! Also,  this carousel doesn’t really stop moving so people just wait to jump on?? I was like, “Where is the line?” and Henry was like, “Um, I think you’re just supposed to run onto it?” It was actually kind of terrifying.

Super small, but it got the job done!

Chooch got his own ice cream later because he was waiting in a long bathroom line apparently when we ordered our ice cream earlier. He got this cute character cup, but then realized almost every park we went to have their own versions so now we have like, 4 of them.

Hidden troll!

One of the things we quickly learned was that a lot of buildings in Denmark had grass on the roofs. Very enchanting!

We left around 3pm to make our way back to Copenhagen so that we could be let loose in Tivoli Garden, but not before our bus driver nearly took out a bunch of cars in his attempt to drive our doubledecker coach bus down a very narrow, definitely not made for a tour bus, road. More like, lane

Bonus: The houses near Bakken were $$$$$$$.

Actually whipped out the ‘good’ camera in Tallinn, Estonia and forced Chooch to have his picture taken a bunch of times. These are those pictures. (That’s his “get this over with” forced smile :))

One of my co-workers kind of made me feel like a basic bitch for taking a day trip to Tallinn, but I swear it was such a highlight for all of us, really. The Old Town was so enchanting, the people were wonderful, the vibes were right. I will definitely say  more about that in future posts, but I’m just really glad that I was able to get some decent shots of Chooch in this great town of marzipan & amber.

Henry and I went to Kennywood after work yesterday because their hours are being downsized to ‘weekends only’ after this week, plus they extended their weekday hours to 10PM and I NEEDED a Phantom night ride. I hate this new-ish, post-pandemic trend of amusement parks closing at like 7 or 8, rendering night rides impossible.

As soon as we arrived in the parking lot, I was like, “Oh shit, this place is DEAD.” And then we got inside and everything was a walk-on, station wait at most. I can’t remember the last time I saw Kennywood this empty?? It was almost eerie. The Racer sent one train 1/4 full, and the other train had two people.  Usually that line is out of the queue.

(Don’t worry, ops were still AWFUL so it’s not like we walked on and rode straight away.)

This was the queue for Exterminator!!! WE WALKED RIGHT ON. The only time I can remember this ever happening was when Chooch and I got in line right after the park opened, but before the rides were running, and we were the first riders of the day – but there were a ton of people behind us.

Anyway, nothing super exciting happened during our four hours of Kennyfun, but I wanted to dump the photos here for posterity. I also want to just say that I feel so fucking spoiled after spending two weeks running around amusement parks with other grown-ass adults who also just want to have fun! I’m grateful that Henry and Chooch like doing this but fuck, it gets lonely. We get free friend passes with our season memberships and they go to waste every year.

(Cry about it, Erin.)

(OH, I WILL, THANKS.)

Mainly, we came for this BAY-BAY:

View this post on Instagram

This fucking coaster. How is it legal?? I could marathon the fuck out of this.

If I wasn’t with HENRY AND HIS OLD-ASS BONES. I think we only rode it 5x. So lame.

I love Kennywood at night.

It really is always a good time. Unless you’re being harassed on Facebook while you’re there, which no longer happens to me since I’m not on Facebook anymore :)

My only gripe about Kennywood, aside from Steel Curtain STILL being a huge ass SBNO pile of steel, is that this is another season with NO Phantom merch. If Kennywood had their fingers on the pulse of the coaster community, they would know that Phantom is an elite coaster that people travel from OTHER COUNTRIES to ride. It routinely makes enthusiasts’ top 20 lists. People come to Kennywood on coaster road trips and want to BUY A FUCKING T-SHIRT. So I have decided that I’m just going to make my own goddamn Phantom’s Revenge t-shirt because fuck you, Kennywood.

I mean, I love you Kennywood, but read the fucking room.

Henry in the lobby of the Tivoli Gardens Hotel. 

Oh my god you guys. Once we got to our room, I took a shower and a quick 60-minute nap and then felt like an actual new person and not like some possessed asshole about to spew pea soup from her dirty mouth.

Henry and I changed and went out for a pre-dinner stroll along the other side of the city near our hotel. Chooch wanted to sleep some more so we abandoned him as usual.

Views from the side of the road that our hotel was on.

Even  though I was almost flattened by a bicycle, I decided that my initial disdain for the city earlier that day was unwarranted and definitely could be attributed to me needing a shower and a major mood adjustment.

We walked for a good hour, taking it all in. In the end, I was back on the Copenhagen Love Wagon. Sorry for my earlier opinions, CPH. It wasn’t you, it was me.

I was really nervous for the 8PM dinner later that night with Coaster Crew and even at one point tried to drag my feet. We did end up going to the dinner and I am so glad I didn’t let my anxiety get the better of me because this truly set the tone of the whole trip for us. I wasn’t sure what to expect – would we be sitting at giant tables, banquet style, taking turns standing up and introducing ourselves? I was frantically rehearsing what I would say JUST IN CASE. YOU NEVER KNOW.

But it turned out it was in the hotel’s dining room, with a magnificent buffet set up, and even a chef grilling outside! Tim was really concerned that Chooch and I would have enough to eat, I  guess we were the only non-meat eaters in the group, but my guy – this was the best buffet I had ever grazed. I could have subsisted solely on the bread alone! SO MUCH GOOD BREAD. And apparently, the chef was even grilling up veggie burgers! Good ones, too! Made with beets and so fresh-tasting.

But wait!! The food part was great and all but something even better happened before we even got up to fill our plates. The three of us had snagged a table for 4 and mere moments after we sat down, a woman came over and asked if she could join us.

YOU GUYS.

Was she dropped on us by the Roller Coaster Tycoon gods??

Of course, Chooch, being 17 and so completely surly, thought that this was going to be awful because going into this trip, he said to me, “I’m not doing this to make friends. I’m not going to learn anyone’s names. I don’t care.” But then by day three, he’d be coming back from the bathroom at a park or whatever and say things like, “I was just talking to Larry and <insert gossip>.”

*BRB, I’m crying again, missing all these awesome people, ugh*

Back to the woman asking to join us. You guys, her name is Pam, she lives in Philly, and she quickly became my favorite person on the trip! She gave BIG Barb Riley energy, for those who remmeber the golden years of the law firm when I worked with the greatest lady ever, Barb. Goddammit, I still her miss her so much. Pam was like if Barb was super into roller coasters. We had very easy conversation with her all evening, and even when Henry and I left Chooch at the table with her when we went back for more desserts like the pigs that we are, Chooch even managed to talk to her rather than sit in awkward silence! I was so proud of him, putting himself out there like that.

Look, these situations aren’t always the easiest, you know? A lot of these people already knew each other from other Coaster Crew events in America, and some of them had even gone on past international trips with the group. So, while we weren’t necessarily the odd ones out like I was so concerned about, we definitely had a bit of a disadvantage. Pam joining us that night gave me the confidence boost that I needed, and I vowed to talk to more people at dinner. So, during one of my buffet prowls, I ran into a woman with a Coaster Crew name tag who was also pacing the food alone. I totally launched myself on her. “Hi, I’m Erin and I don’t know anyone here!” I cried, just basically leaning into my desperation at that point.

I chose a good victim, because Cassie from Indy ended up being so kind and because of this initial interaction, she made sure to say good morning, etc. nearly every day after that. Cassie was there with her friend Sherry, who was also a great lady and I’m so glad to have met them!

Meanwhile, Henry came back to the  table with LICORICE ICE CREAM. “Where did you get that?” I cried, and he told me that some man from our group was standing near him at the ice cream bar and pointed it out, so of course I sent Henry back up to get  me my own bowl. Pam observed this and turns out, she’s a very quick study – she was saying “Poor Henry” by the very next day!

Near the end of the night, a couple from Columbus came over to introduce themselves – Larry and Jean. Evidently, Larry was the one who alerted Henry to the fact that LICORICE ICE CREAM was an option in the ice cream bar, so shout out to Larry! Anyway, it turns out that Larry and Jean are Coaster Crew vets and when I say they went out of their way to make us feel included, I’m not joking. Such great people!!

Can you believe I was so nervous about this?! Not even the first full day and we already made some really great connections. I was so giddy when we went back to the room later and totally rearin’ to go the next morning! I can’t wait to tell you (and maybe you too) about our first park, Bakken!

This is going to take me at least a month to recap everything, buckle up buttercup.

Gotta put a hold on my vacation recaps for a second so that I can spiral out over the new NCT 2023 video!!!!

I’m still sad that NCT lost three members but I will just support the remaining 20 even harder now!

Ugh I love these full-NCT collabs so much. I can’t wait for the album and all the new NCT U units!!!

Also, I was screaming over this NCT Dream stage in a hotel room in Gothenburg- it’s everything!! Renjun shines in this!!

We left Pgh around 11am on Thursday, August 3rd, then went from JFK –> CDG / Paris –> Copenhagen by 10am Friday August 4th. It was not ideal, we were exhausted, Chooch had a stomachache, there were SCREAMING KIDS on both the long-haul flight* and the short flight from Paris to Copenhagen. I was so frazzled by the time we arrived and then of course Henry was peak annoying when it came time to get public transit figured out, a Danish train guy yelled at us because we weren’t sure if we were getting on the right train — we were struggling. I mean, who is really their best self on a travel day, anyway.

*(The banshee on this flight actually made me feel like I was about to snap – I have NEVER heard a toddler (I believe that’s what it was) SHRIEK as much as this fucking kid for NEARLY THE ENTIRE FLIGHT – I was so pissed; I kept hissing, “HOW IS THIS HUMANLY POSSIBLE??” to Henry, who just shrugged it off because no sound of any sort outside of the voices of Chooch and me bother him.)

I know this but it still really distorted my opinion of Copenhagen and most of the day was….meh. I won’t lie and act like we were living our best lives on that day, you guys. We were hot messes and I actually broke down and cried dramatically in the lobby of the hotel because Chooch jammed the revolving door with his luggage, which caused a ruckus and he tried to blame it on me and all I wanted to do was wash my stupid face and eat my first cinnamon roll of many.

In the airport shuttle before jet lag and TOO MUCH TIME TOGETHER in TOO MANY PLANES tore our family apart.

I did wash my wash my face in the hotel bathroom after we stored our luggage in the EARLY BIRD suitcase repository, but I was still HUMMING with EMOTION.

Then we set off to…nowhere because I was being a big crybaby still and yammering on about how we had “no time” since our flight came in an hour later but it was still only around noon at this point, we couldn’t check in until 3, and our Coaster Crew welcome dinner wasn’t until 8pm that night. I always go into panic mode when we travel because I’m afraid of running out of time, missing essential sights, not “doing” it right. All the travel vlogs I watched, all the notes I took, all the Top 10 Must Do lists I read – my brain ran it all through a shredder.  I know deep down that is impossible to see it all (we’ve been to Korea twice now and came back both times realizing that OH SHIT, WE FORGOT TO GO TO <xyz> or whatever. So I really try to remind myself that just being there, being in the moment, looking around, slowing down – these are the things that matter. But you think that stops me from throwing hyper-fits? Ha! I was a real hornet that day.

Tivoli Gardens!! This was the second part on our Day 1 Coaster Crew agenda but it’s located in the middle of the city, right near the train station, so we couldn’t help but walk near it and get a sneak peek from the street.

First, we just walked around aimlessly until Chooch stepped up and asked, “Tell me the place you wanted to go to and I will get us there.” I was still pouting and kept saying “Forget it” but he finally got me to say Nyhavn. I knew that by this point, it was going to be packed because it’s one of THE tourist spots of Copenhagen but I’m sorry, I’m just basic enough to really want to see the iconic colored buildings and canal, OK?? I am human after all! Chooch figured out how to get there but then we had to rely on Henry the Bumbling Transit Guy to figure out the rest.

Henry kept trying to get tickets from the thing for the trains even though I kept saying, “That is for the train” and then he would say, “It is the same thing” and then I would say, “The train and the metro are different my guy” and he would say, “No they are not.” And we went round and round like this to the point where the sight of a middle-aged man pressing a disheveled woman with her blouse unbuttoned and bra pulled down against a pillar in the middle of the train station did not make me as giddy as such a sight normally would. But I still had the light-hearted “Oh Europe” thought in my head.

Anyway, finally Henry listened to me, and we found the entrance to the metro, where he was then able to get our tickets and we set off to whatever stop Nyhavn could allegedly be found.

Taking a pause from trying to mansplain transit shit to me.

Anyway, we got off wherever Chooch said to, and we saw these glorious sights:

We just kept walking and walking and walking and the whole time, Chooch kept muttering something about how Google said that Nyhavn was permanently closed, and I spat, “Um, I don’t think an entire iconic section of town is permanently closed???”

Chooch led us to basically a large body of water and was like “OK we’re here” and I know my eyes are bad, but this looked nothing like the famous views of Nyhavn that I have seen for like, half of my life? I didn’t even take any picture, so I have nothing to show for it, but I was so confused. Chooch goes, “It’s a bar, right? I told you – it’s not here. It’s permanently closed.”

NO, IT’S NOT A BAR?? Apparently when he googled Nyhavn the first thing that came up was the address for a bar that no longer exists. I will leave off the part where I threw a fit and declared that I was just going home (like, home to Pgh, not the hotel) all because of one stupid misunderstanding. I’m telling you – I am not fun on travel days. I never have been.

Anyway, Chooch got the right address locked in and we started walking again – it was fine, Copenhagen is pretty walkable (as long as you’re being conscious of the millions of dinging bicycle bells around you ugh) and we got to see some more cool shit on the way to the correct locale.

I would live there.

Anyway, we finally made it and it was, as expected, a huge tourist trap, full of pushy people trying to get The Shot for the ‘gram. Sucks that we didn’t get in as early as we were supposed to because my initial plan was to hit this spot up ASAP to beat the crowds, but whatever. Veni vidi vici, etc.

It was still really surreal to see it in real life, crowds aside.

I think it actually wasn’t THAT crowded. I imagine weekends would be even worse.

Anyway, that was whatever. Cool to see!

And then we just walked around a bunch. Looked at all the old-ass shit. Contemplated buying a plate but then worried about traveling with it (spoiler alert: I ended up bringing so much glass home in the end anyway; shoulda bought the stupid plate.) Tried to not sprain our ankles on cobblestones or get knocked over by the droves of distracted tourists.

I will say though that the girl we talked to at the Reinh van Hauen bakery was super sweet! I asked her to choose her favorite pastry for me and she selected that chocolate icing thing on the left, which was filled with cinnamon and so good – a great choice and I thanked her for it before we left! Taking time to sit down at this bakery was exactly what I needed though. I really need to try to be a slower tourist! I’m also so harried and wanting to run run run.

I know this probably seemed like a super negative post but I really wanted to be real about how subpar the first part of arrival day was. It drastically improved once we went back to the hotel for check-in at 3pm, met Coaster Crew’s leader Tim (I saw him sitting in the lobby talking to some dudes and I said, “WE HAVE TO GO AND INTRODUCE OURSELVES, MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION” because I was dead set on not lurking in the shadows on this trip) which went very well, and then took an hour nap in our super cute Tivoli Garden hotel room.

Part 2 will be much more upbeat, I swear! And then pretty much every day after that will be a 10/10.

5 countries 🇩🇰 🇸🇪 🇳🇴 🇫🇮 🇪🇪 (7 if you count layovers 🇫🇷 🇳🇱), 13 parks (+1 run-down carnival thing in the middle of Tallinn), 65 coasters, 4 pounds gained from a 2 week diet of licorice/rye bread/cinnamon rolls, 1 Depeche Mode bar, dozens of new friends made, getting caught in what was apparently the worst storm that Scandinavia had seen in over 20 years (Storm Hans, which derailed – or ‘deferried’ as it were – a portion of the Coaster Crew itinerary but managed to become the best memory), and now we’re home! Sad for it to end but so happy to see my cats (shout out to my mom for keeping them company!) and to give my body a rest and start stalking the channels of the coaster YouTubers on our trip so we can relive the chaos!

That may have been the wildest trip of my life (SO FAR!). I love Coaster Crew. I love roller coasters. And I love that this is something we do together as a family! (Even though we fight 80% more than usual while traveling – families tho, right?)

Our travel day yesterday was…fine. Taxi picked us up right before 4am (ugh), first flight was at 7am to Amsterdam, then to ATL, then home. The flight to ATL was pretty annoying. The flight attendants were so unfriendly and unprofessional. I was not a fan. But I’m also not a fan of flying, either.

I always hate the end of vacations but I can honestly say that I think even one extra day would have been too much. We were already pushing it by tacking on those extra 5 days at the end and while it was definitely worth it (Finland and Estonia were absolutely wonderful), it really took a toll on us especially considering that part of the trip we were on our own. LOTS OF PUBLIC TRANSIT, people. We got a lot of use out of our Helsinki pass, that’s for sure.

Now to start editing photos and shoving recaps at your eyeballs! STAY TUNED!

P.S. it took me forever to arrange all those park maps up there for one stupid picture and then like 3 minutes later Henry strides over and says, “I found this Linnanmaki park map, do you need it?”

THE RAGE.

After packing, Henry and I went out for one last walk around Helsinki. As with most places, I wish we had more time to spend here and I would love to come back one day! I mean, there *is* another park here that we didn’t make it to, so….lol.

Here are some photos I took during our walk.

We stopped at Fazer’s Cafe (the original location, apparently!) and I had an ACTUALLY GOOD chai latte and my last salty licorice (salmiak) ice cream fix. :( I know I’m in the minority here but goddamn I love that shit. Henry and Chooch think it’s disgusting and won’t come anywhere near it, haha.

a

Anyway, we’re at the Helsinki airport now, Saturday morning, 5:18am, waiting for our 7am flight to start our long trek home. This trip was so exhausting but in the best way. I say this all the time but I really want to make a scrapbook!!

Oh and I tried to actually record some stuff and Chooch allegedly is going to help me edit everything so maybe someday I will have something that I can share here?!

Checking in from the ferry to Tallinn, Estonia! This is the first time of the whole trip that it was warm enough (for me, anyway) to wear shorts. I tried to shave in the tiny shower of our Helsinki apartment last night and just realized now that I missed half of my right leg so that’s great. I know, I know, normalize hairy lady legs etc etc but it bothers me personally. I’m about to buy a razor on this ferry and dry-shave in a bathroom stall, lol.

(Future Erin here: I totally did that too  well, I made Henry buy the razor and bring it back to me because why else keep Henry around.)

We should be in Tallinn in about an hour and I’m so excited! Aside from the coaster crew portion of the trip, this is my most anticipated excursion so I hope it lives up to my expectations.