Hello! Coming through with another kitchen update because the side of the room with the cabinets is FINALLY done.

To be honest, the cabinets and drawers were painted and put back on a few weeks ago but remember I told you that we had lost a drawer a long time ago? Well, I was waiting for Henry to essentially make a new one from a drawer front he found at some construction junkyard place. He found a drawer that was an identical match to one of the larger ones you see below and made the smaller drawer from that. He even BEVELED the sides, which I didn’t even know was a thing until now. This dumb kitchen makeover is teaching me so much. Anyway, the drawer he made is that dark blue one on the far right. It’s just a fake drawer and doesn’t open but it’s better than having a gaping hole there!

Ignore the MISSING TRIM over there on the left because HENRY CERTAINLY HAS.

Overall, I’m happy with how this turned out! I mean, we did the best we could considering we don’t own this house. The cabinetry is about as rudimentary as you can get but I definitely wasn’t about to put any money into upgrading that shit, and our bastard landlord has been updating the kitchens in all of his other properties when people move out, so when we finally move, he’s just gonna demo this entire room anyway! But anything we spent any considerable amount of cash on (basically all of the stuff on the other side of the room) will be coming with us anyway.

So anything that’s imperfect, like the old-ass counter top, is whatever. We originally talked about redoing it with epoxy but honestly, it’s not worth the effort.

Painting these doors was SO SATISFYING except that I almost passed out several times from blowing too hard through straws, and then there was one time where I suffered a considerable blow-back and got paint all over my face and hair.

Top blue drawer is the fake one!

The Corey cabinet pulls make me so happy everyday!! I can’t tell you how nice it is to actually want to be in this space. Usually I would run in to make my coffee and then do my best to avoid it for the rest of the day because it was such an actual pit.

Oh! And our fridge magnets came last week, and I really like how they turned out!

Chooch was like, “OK cool, my parents were alive in the 80s. What else do you want me to say?” when I was like “LOOK AT THESE PICTURES. LET’S HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT THEM. WASN’T I FUCKING ADORBS??”

I mean, I really was though. I’m a classic case of “What the hell happened to her?”

Well, I can tell you that it all started to go downhill in 4th grade…

…and then I got braces in 5th grade….

…and also a perm…

…and gained like 20 pounds…

…and wore moccasins with socks…

I recently wrote a blog post about that picture up there of me and my DUMB BABY BROTHER RYAN (I love him now but when he was born I was like MY LIFE IS OVERRRRRRRR).

Yeah, now that I think about it, most of the pictures of me are from Wildwood and the ones of Henry are when he was IN THE SERVICE. Lol, age differences.

Over the weekend, I got Henry to do one of my favorite things ever which is MAKE THINGS LIGHT UP. He installed LED lights under the cabinets but had to do things like CUTTING WIRES and ADDING THINGIE-CONNECTORS and BLEEPY-DE-DOOS. At one point, while watching him thread wires into a thing, I asked, “How do you know how to do that?” to which he mumbled (probably with a pencil in his mouth), “It’s basic wiring.

OK Him-Man (that’s what the cats call him).

Anyway, it seemed to take forever and then he needed more of Something or Other and I had to wait TWO MORE DAYS for that Something or Other to arrive in the mail and do you know how much I hate waiting? I’m the queen of instant gratification. And Henry is one of those turtles winning the race type of people and it fucking infuriates me and then we get into a fight about it and he throws down his Wire Wand Tool Thing and huffs, “OK FINE IF YOU WANT IT TO LOOK LIKE SHIT I’LL DO IT FAST THEN” and then I’m like “WOW OK TOUGH GUY” and he usually sulks off to the back porch where he will sit and stew while scrolling through Reddit and then suddenly he remembers we need bread or milk or something and off he goes “to the store” which is his safe place. Usually, he will treat himself to a candy bar or some gross Hostess processed nightmare and then he’s ready to get back to work.

Like clockwork.

Anyway!! He finished it on Labor Day (lol the perfect day) and was like, “here’s your fucking lights” while probably envisioning jamming the remote control down my throat.

View this post on Instagram

I’m so happy with it!!

Now he just has to do whatever it is he needs to do with the “switch” he keeps talking about to make the Conair telephone turn on the lights when the receiver is lifted. COME ON, HENRY. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT. FIGHTING!!

Meanwhile, I bought this vintage pinball backglass on eBay and it arrived today so now Henry has to add that to the list. He needs to build a lightbox-type frame for it and then hang it up above the spice rack.

Of course it needs to light up!

Oh and now that I’m looking at this picture, it reminds me that he never finished the cabinet pulls on this side of the room!! (Michael Jackson, Boy George, and Rick Astley – I literally pictured the first three singers that came to mind. Also, this made Chooch ask, “Who the hell is Boy George?” and I was like “You know who he is” and I showed him pictures at which point he was even more perturbed and said, “No I really don’t” and I was like, “Yeah, the Culture Club. You know—” and I started humming Do You Really Want To Hurt Me and by now, Chooch was looking at me like he just walked in on me cooking a pot roast, so then I queued up some Culture Club on Spotify and he was like I HAVE LEGIT NEVER HEARD ANY OF THESE SONGS, fast forward a few days and he’s all, “Alexa, play Karma Chameleon.” Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout, Willis.)

*DEEP BREATH*

What a dumb fucking family! I love it!

I found a lot of places online that make reproductions of pinball backglass but they cost just as much in some cases, and I liked the imperfections of a vintage piece, knowing that it used to live in a machine that was played by many. This particular glass was made in 1979 (my birth year!) and even though it’s not specifically from the 80s, it was on the cusp and that was good enough for me! According to the description on eBay, it came from the estate sale of an avid arcade game collector, and I hope that wherever that person now is, dead or alive, they know that it’s going to continue to be loved and admired!

Aside from all this, we spent all weekend looking for a specific type of frame so I could make the ceiling light fixture, which is about 75% done so hopefully the next time I come back with a kitchen update, it will be to tell you that we finally have a ceiling light that’s not just an ugly exposed light bulb (I know those are on trend, but not the one we have in our kitchen now!), the Coney Island glass is framed and hung on the wall, the telephone turns on the lights, and all of the trim is back on. OH YEAH, and the curtain is made, which I keep forgetting about even though the fabric has been hanging over a dining room chair for two months now and I’m actually looking right at it.

See?! That ceiling light is not cool.

(Henry is going to read this tomorrow and run away.

)

2 comments

*the accent in which I head-said this was offensive to all of France, straight down to the stale baguettes in alley trash cans, and definitely sounded more Swedish Chef than Ratatouille.

I’ve never even seen Ratatouille but imagine there’s some French-accent action up in that piece?

And also, who cares about offending France.

Also, why did I even title this in fake French?

Why can’t I ever just start a blog post in a normal fashion.

Anyway, nothin’ like a weekend recap a week later! I can’t even remember what happened!

But apparently at some point, Drew jumped on the fridge and I took this picture, because KIT-N-CABOODLE.

Honestly, I’m not even sure what we did on Saturday. I think “we” worked on the coffee table, and I have a vague recollection of spray-painting picture frames. The neighbors probably really wonder if this is a residence or an artist compound.

Sunday was cool though. I watched Halloween commercials from the 70s and 80s and the nostalgia pangs had me screaming.

Later, Henry and I went to some antique place (the same place I got my Mouse Attack sign and my oldest wheelchair, so it’s definitely a place where I’ve had great success) but you’d never know we were in the middle of a pandemic because all of the professional antiquers were out and about and it started to feel very crowded and I’m not trying to get corona for the sake of scoring a couple 1980s coffee cups, OK.

So I hissed at Henry through my mask, “WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. NOW.” We hadn’t even made our way to the second floor yet but it’s OK – I’ll go back another time when it’s not as crowded.

Of course I was pouting about this when we left, but Henry saved the day by suggesting that we order lunch from Onion Maiden’s weekend pop-up, Chick Habit* which focuses on faux chicken sandwiches and  that’s pretty much my favorite when it comes to vegan/vegetarian fare. (Real life pause while Henry and I have a deep discussion on how the Toronto vegan scene is exponentially better than Pittsburgh’s. Damn, I miss Toronto.)

*You know, the place that Chooch made me unfollow on Instagram so that he could be the 666th follower.

We had some time to kill after Henry placed the order so we parked and walked to nearby Black Forge, which is hands down one of my favorite cafes in this damn city. If you* ever visit me, I’ll take you there. Their punch cards feature head shots of the Trump administration – ’nuff said.

*(Yeah, you!)

My inner Karen was gesticulating wildly inside of me because the mom-and-kid duo in front of us were so annoying. I think I was probably still experience residual anger from having to leave the antique place, and they probably weren’t that annoying. But still! I was mad because we would have been ahead of them if stupid ass dumb head worst child ever Chooch hadn’t texted me to change his fucking idiotic Chick Habit order, which resulted in Henry having to call them back before entering the cafe and sure, I could have just gone in ahead of him but I’m very clingy in this pandemic landscape. (I mean, just to him, not strangers! Trust me, having to socially distance myself from other people has been the best thing ever. Love that for us misanthropes.)

I love when establishments take mask-wearing seriously. I knew I could count on Black Forge!

Anyway, every one ahead of us had very relaxed and natural banter with the barista, and then when it was our turn, I had already completely shut down and fucking Henry looks like a serial killer when he wears his mask so she didn’t even bother striking one up with us.

My favorite parts:

• when they were out of the cold brew that Henry wanted because I love when a place doesn’t have what he wants since I’m the one that usually happens to;
• when she said she could make the specialty drink he wanted as a latte instead of cold brew and he said OK but asked for almond milk instead of whole milk, and then she came back halfway into making it and said, “Oh yeah, since this is a latte, it will have milk in it IS THAT OK” and he was like, “Um yeah I know but can I have almond milk” except that he was mumbling it and even I could barely hear him, so then it looked like they were having a staring contest until she broke first and said, “So is whole milk OK then” and he just completely gave up and shook his head yes.

I mean he pouted about this on the walk back to Onion Maiden but hello – he is not vegan nor is he lactose intolerant so shut up Henry.

“I just like the taste of almond milk in coffee!” he will cry when asked about this.

I stood outside while Henry went inside to grab the food. This was after I went into some goth apothecary store and tried to buy an old wooden clown head I saw in the window but IT WAS NOT FOR SALE.

“Why, do you love it?” the shop proprietor asked after I loudly groaned “UGHHH” behind my mask and stopped just short of stamping my feet. You never know what you’re gonna get with me: either a one-dimensional cardboard cutout with the personality of a robot or my full-blown manic, ebullient self. This guy got THAT.

(OMG NEXT TIME I HAVE TO INTRODUCE MYSELF WITH AN ADJECTIVE, I’LL USE THAT!!)

So then we chatted about that for a bit and I could see the relief in Henry’s eyes when I walked out without a large wooden clown head tucked under my arm.

Onion Maiden has some killer signage on their storefront.

Got our food and on the way home, we saw some bitch in a FLYERS SHIRT brazenly strutting down our street like she wasn’t doing a damn thing wrong and I wanted Henry to hit her with the car but he calmly said, “Let’s not go that far” WOW.

The Penguins are the only Pittsburgh sports team that I was defend until the day I die even though I don’t watch hockey anymore because we got rid of cable a few years ago and I had to forcibly divorce myself the obsession. :(

(Also, I got REALLY FUCKING ANGRY when Fleury was traded, so that helped with the divorce proceedings inside my heart.)

Get to the point, Erin! We came home and ate our amazing fake chicken sandwiches and they were delightful and the cashew cheese was better than some others I’ve had in the past, so that was a plus. Henry liked his too (“I JUST WISH IT WAS BIGGER,” he said which made Chooch scream THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID and Henry flipped out because he hates when Chooch TWSS’s him but I always laugh because Chooch has really good TWSS timing and gets a few good ones in a day (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID) so now we’ve decided that Henry is either a closet feminist or just very uncomfortable when his teenage son turns nearly every conversation sexual. Sometimes he’s not even in the same room as us and he’ll yell it to us without missing a beat.

Chooch is my idol sometimes.

Sometimes.

Pretty sure I spent the rest of the day being sad that I had to “go back” to work after my week-long staycation that I painstakingly recapped for you blog readers so you better read that!!

No comments

The day has finally arrived. I’m officially the mom of a ninth grader. This whole online-schooling thing really made it kind of anticlimactic though. There was no making him a lunch (THANK GOD) or sending him off with a new backpack.

Making sure his shoes are tied while I’m running around getting ready for work, making sure my OWN goddamn shoes are tied.

Nope, instead I popped into his room and asked, “Are you like, ready, or whatever?

”

He was, but of course the entire school district was having technical difficulties so kids kept getting booted from calls all day. He got booted from his Civics class right when it was his turn to introduce himself, and by the time he got back in, they had moved on to someone else and he was happy about it.

I would have been mad. I always liked introducing myself in classes (but typically hated speaking any other time, especially whenever I’d have to read my own writing OH LAWD SCRAPE ME OFF THE FLOOR). I remember on the first day of this Indo European Folktale class I took at Pitt (it was fantastic btw), I blurted out, “AND I JUST FOUND OUT I’M PREGNANT!!” after all of my responsible friends and Henry were like, “OK but let’s wait until you’re at least in the second trimester before making any announcements” and literally the next day I posted on LiveJournal and then branded myself as a weirdo growing a baby in a college class where I was already considered “old” (I was 25, god forbid) and every one stared at me every week like I was a science experiment they were waiting to change.

Another time, I was in a training class for some dumb cable company job and we had to go around and say our name with an adjective starting with the same letter and I was like DYING FOR THEM TO GET TO ME because I didn’t want any other “E” person to steal my word which I don’t think was going to happen because literally no one else cared about this challenge but me and when it was my turn, I stood up and cried, “EFFERVESCENT ERIN!” and everyone glared at me, and it really set the tone for weeks of regular glaring (only from a certain bitter section of the class; I was popular with thw bad kids and that’s all that mattered!)

WOW look at me, making this all about myself.

That’s super unusual and out of character for me.

Anyway, we’re in the middle of making over Chooch’s room but it’s mostly done and already much more comfortable for him than it had been. He had an Ikea loft bed which was really fun for him for several years but obviously he’s outgrown it so Henry dismantled it and now he has a regular bed on the floor and a desk that he doesn’t have to smash his head while ducking underneath his loft bed to access.

(I had definitely banged my own head off his bed many times while attempting to clean off his desk. (Or leave him naggy notes on his white board, lol, no not me.)

His new high school is so STEM-hardcore that he’s taking geometry, Algebra II, biology, and chemistry all in 9th grade. (Geometry and Chemistry this semester, Algebra II and biology next semester.) I mean, I had to take a full school year of each of those and still struggled, so I can only imagine how fast-paced this curriculum is going to be and I only hope that I do not have to get involved with any of it, thanks.

What strange times though. I mean, I’m glad that Pittsburgh Public Schools made the decision to go full-blown online learning (do we not call it cyber school anymore?

) for the first semester, especially after seeing so many spikes happen around the country as schools reopen.

So, yay, go 2020-2021 school year. Rah rah rah. Boom boom hiss or whatever.

No comments

OK YES I KNOW IT’S 6:30AM ON A HOLIDAY AND I SHOULD STILL BE SLEEPING BUT TAEMIN’S NEW VIDEO FOR “CRIMINAL” DROPPED THIS MORNING AND NOW I AM WIDE AWAKE.

TAEMIN.DID.THAT.

Look, I loved “2Kids” which came out a few weeks ago but this is the side of Taemin I was waiting for. This is the Lee Taemin that tears me apart and makes me feel like I have lost my damn mind.

I am so fucking wrecked right now. This was 100% worth the wait (knew it would be). It was supposed to be released last winter (March I think?

) then Covid happened. Then it was supposed to come out earlier this summer but Taemin injured his wrist (PROTECT THIS BOY AT ALL COSTS) so it was delayed again.

Then the SuperM comeback coincided with his solo and a lot of us were super pissed because while SuperM is fantastic in its own right, Taemin deserves as much of the solo spotlight as possible so please, please PLEASE do yourself and him a favor and watch this video, stream the song on whatever platform you use, share it on your socials, buy the album even??? I preordered both versions!

Well, one thing is for sure, I’m going to be floating through the rest of the day in my dreamland lalalala fantasy state.

Hope you have a great too!

2 comments

I’ll try to make this short-n-sweet because who cares, but we made it to Erie and the rain miraculously held off the whole time we were there. This was great, but it also scared me a little bit because I worried it would make the fake beaches crowded. (They’re not really fake, but it’s not the actual ocean so it’s kind of like whatever and you know we must be pressed for action when I was like YAY WE’RE IN ERIE!!)

We had to drive past Waldameer Park to get to the entrance of Presque Isle and I was so sad—that’s the closest I’ve been to an amusement park since last year when we went to Silver Dollar City over Thanksgiving weekend. OH, THE PAIN, THE HEARTACHE. To really dump salt into the ol’ wound, you have to drive RIGHT UNDERNEATH Ravine Flyer II on the way into Presque Isle, and that is one of my favorite woodies.

Ode to COVID19:

You really fucking suck

But you sure make me

Appreciate the small things

 

Is that right? I can’t remember the haiku format and don’t feel like looking it up so instead I will spend the same amount of time typing out this sentence, also one time when I was doing Blogathon, I didn’t count my haiku syllables correctly and JANNA WAS A BAD EDITOR AND LET IT SLIDE and of course since it was LIVEJOURNAL, I got eaten alive. People on LJ were ruthless. That’s why back then I used to proofread my posts 8x before publishing whereas now, no one cares about my rookie grammar mistakes and bouts of brain-blackouts.

Oh shit, I can remember this one I accidentally used “don” instead of “dawn” and this one bitch was literally telling me how disappointed she was in me for confusing homonyms (homophones? SEE WHAT I MEAN??) and I’m pretty sure she actually threw a *cringe* in her comment. Whatever. She made really shitty art, so I guess we both suck.

Isn’t it funny how people’s nastiness sticks with you over the years? LIKE CHEWING GUM ON RIBS. Or whatever.

Presque Isle has a bunch of different areas for you to park and be outdoorsy. We went to whatever this place ^^^ was first, and stupid ass Henry forgot to put the memory card in the good camera so he had to stalk back to the car in a huff while I motherfucked him from afar and Chooch was like, “I just remembered that road trips suck” and then it started to rain, hahahahahahahaha.

Anyway, I took some pictures of Chooch with my phone while waiting for Henry to untuck his weener.

There was bird shit everywhere, but aside from that, this was a pretty cool area of Presque Isle.

I’m actually kind of jealous of Chooch’s shirt and I need to try it on at some point because if it fits me, we’re sharing.

Then I made Chooch take a picture of me jumping by this lighthouse thing so that “it looks like we’re having fun” but I guess we were kind of having fun, well, maybe not Henry.

Chooch was just like, “I hate doing this.” Basically, we were relearning a lot of things that day, lol.

Then we got  back in the car and drove some more, looking for a good section of the beach which, I mean, how do you know? You can’t see anything from the little parking lots. But we found one that didn’t have many cars and got really lucky when we converged upon the beach and saw that there was just one other family there, flying a kite (that antiquated activity really seems to have made a big comeback thanks to COVID), and they were really far away.

So I got to take photos of Chooch in peace, well, not really because taking photos of Chooch is like taking photos of a magpie surrounded by Shiny Things; that kid is so fucking easily distracted. I had to keep snapping my fingers to get his attention just kidding I can’t snap my fingers, I was just screaming, “FUCKING STOP MOVING AND DO A POSE THAT TAEMIN WOULD DO!!!”

All he wanted to do was build a “beach house” out of driftwood and trash, so that’s what I had to contend with.

Henry and I actually left him and walked down to another section of the beach because I was antsy from sitting in the car so long and just wanted to walk. We saw a couple taking selfies and I was like “we should do that too so I can post it on Instagram and make people think we still love each other” and Henry was like “ok but I actually do still love you, so” and I was like, “Stop yapping and hold the phone up high so I don’t look fat, thanks.”

Anyway, every picture was shit because the sun was making me squint and also because I’m just bad at posing for pictures anyway, but then I saw this one on my camera roll and deemed it a keeper because god only knows what we were laughing at but I’m sure there were death threats being thrown around too.

We walked back to were Chooch was and pulled him away from his Lake Erie construction site to take pictures of us and Henry was like, “HERE I WILL JUST SHIELD YOUR BODY” since I’m always like, “No I look fat, delete it” and then everyone involved is miserable and tired of hearing me say, “just one more.”

Anyway, here we are trying to look “normal.” Then I was like “Lake Erie is boring and I’m hungry, let’s go eat” and Chooch was like BUT MY HOUSE! Fuck your house, bitch. Mama’s ’bout to show you how the Big Bad Wolf gets shit done.

So we left Presque Isle and Erie has like no good vegan/veg places so we went to Sheetz and got our signature MTO (that’s MADE TO ORDERS for you people whose lives are devoid of the best gas station ever known as SHEETZ) delights, also mostly because we still choose not to dine inside restaurants. We never used to eat out much anyway, pre-pandemic, but we DEFINITELY enjoyed patronized little family restaurants anytime we were on a road trip, so that was kind of a bummer.

Actually, we just drove past this one local restaurant the other day called Frank & Shirleys and I got this really depressing feeling deep within my chest, not because I was a regular and sorely miss their food or anything, but I had a very visceral flashback to the feeling of sliding down into a vinyl diner booth and wow. Lots of emotions. Never would have imagined I would have missed that sensation so much!

Wow. Where was I? Oh yeah, we had a Sheetz feast in the car, nothing too noteworthy, and then on the way back home, we took a detour to Hank’s Frozen Custard, where Chooch and I went last year with Janna. I had their daily special – black cherry – with a scoop of vanilla. It was OK but not nearly as good as I remembered it to be? It was also strange to see the corrals that they made in the parking lot to accommodate social distancing during the busier hours, but luckily when we went, it was still early on a Friday afternoon and only two other cars of people were there.

“‘Just OK.”

It was also dripping everywhere because Henry made me give him a taste and as soon as he did so, it was like he opened a custard dam and that shit just started dripping down in goopy rivulets and I was actually screaming about in the middle of the parking lot while he and Chooch just stared at me, calmly licking their tidy fucking custard cones.

Fuckers.

One final noteworthy thing happened, and it surely wasn’t when I tagged along with Henry later that night when he went grocery shopping (his least favorite place to take me because I simultaneously make him spend $100 more than he anticipated while also whining about being bored within the first 5 minutes). I saw a sign for antiques and made Henry turn around (actually, I yelled, “OOH ANTIQUES” and then waited for him to drive another mile before flipping and saying, “WOW SO I GUESS YOU REALLY AREN’T GOING TO TURN AROUND AND GO TO THE ANTIQUES PLACE THEN, WOW, YOU’RE SO FUCKING COOL” (see also: when Henry can’t remember if I’m his longtime life partner or 16-year-old daughter WOW THAT WAS CREEPY YOU’RE WELCOME).

Henry: Do you want me to turn around?

Erin: OMFG YOU’RE A FUCKING STOOP! CLEARLY YOU DON’T WANT TO OR YOU WOULD DONE IT ALREADY ON YOUR OWN ACCORD!!!

Henry: *calmly turns around while daydreaming about how wonderful his stay in Heaven is going to be thanks to enduring years of my emotional abuse without stuffing me in trunk and pushing the car into a river*

I was actually looking for stuff from the 80s to get for the kitchen, maybe some coffee cups, etc., but what I ended up finding instead was this old Pachinko machine:

I kept ogling it and eventually even Henry got a little bit interested in it and then at one point we actually left and were about to get in the car when I started dragging my feet and saying things like, “I don’t know, I just feel like I’ll regret it if I don’t buy it. No never mind. Wait should I? No it’s fine let’s just go. TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!” and that is how we ended up going to Erie and coming home with a vintage Pachinko machine that honestly I only bought for the history and art of it, but now Henry is like cruising through Pachinko forums, determined to get it back to working condition.

He probably will, too.

I mean, after he finishes painting Chooch’s room, connecting all the LED lights together under the kitchen cabinets (“it’s basic wiring,” he said when I asked him how he knows how to do this shit), gets the old Conair phone to light up, finishes the coffee table refurb, finishes the Seoul subway sign (that’s a running joke in our house at this point except no one laughs), and helps me with my dining room gallery wall. I’m sure I’m missing some stuff here. I heard him mumble earlier today about needing to fix the lawnmower but I haven’t approved that.

 

1 comment

Hi. Just sitting here on a Saturday night while Henry is washing walls that need to be painted, and Chooch is watching Malcolm in the Middle, and I’m wondering where we would be right now on this long weekend if not for this piece of shit pandemic. And what do I do to really pour salt in the wound? I read old vacation posts on my blog!

(Sometimes I go super analog and read my old teenage travel journals!)

Anyway, here is a fun one from when we accidentally stumbled upon Seoul Fashion Week, which is A HUGE DEAL. It was probably one of Henry’s least favorite experiences in Korea.

So yeah, enjoy reading words that I wrote two years ago! I’m going to go back to HGTV amateur hour.

***

For my quick Saturday update, I just want to talk about Seoul Fashion Week! I thought that it ended on Friday, but when we walked over to the Dongdaemun Design Plaza, it was still happening! I mean, you have to be invited to the actual shows, of course, but there was so much to take in outside so much to Henry’s chagrin, we decided to hang around for a bit.

Everyone was taking pictures of EVERYONE so Chooch and I didn’t feel shy at all about whipping out our phones and cameras. There was this one girl escorting around a guy wearing something made out of magazines and plastic I think, so when I took his picture, she smiled and took pictures of us too but I’m convinced that she was actually photographing Henry because SUCH TREND SO STYLE.

“Sir, what are you wearing?”

“A Faygo snapback and Everfresh Juice brand windbreaker, natch.”

I’m telling you, when Middle Aged American Warehouse Manager style starts trending Fall 2018, you heard it here first.

Korean street fashion, though. At first I was like, “Wow, it’s cool that these models just hang out and let randos photograph them” but then I quickly realized that these are just super fashion-obsessed people who turn up to show off their personal style by lining up against a wall and baiting people to take their picture. I figured this out when the couple in the above photo noticed my camera and immediately stopped smiling and posed. It was incredible and I want everyone to react this way when they see me creeping with my camera.

Seoul is spoiling me!

Can this be Chooch’s future wife though, please.

I would totally wear that girl’s jacket and spent a good hour obsessing over it. I think it was pleather with some type of Big Bird fabric at the bottom and it brought back memories of senior year when I used to wear furry cropped sweaters and had a yellow one that everyone called my Big Bird sweater. I miss those sweaters and I miss Contempo!

I would wear this jacket too. I love outerwear.

Here’s Henry showing the kids how to really wear dad jeans.

My favorite part was before all the crowd photographing action, when we walked past a roped off area and a crowd of girls with their cameras pointed and ready. I wanted to know who they were waiting for, so we sat on a wall and observed. Eventually, a small fleet of super official looking SUVs rolled up, so Chooch and I walked over to the crowd to get a better look. Several fancy people got out of the first several cars and people started snapping pictures.

I figured they were celebrities but Chooch and I were on a side where we could only see their backs.

But then some guy got out of a car on our side so we were able to see him very well. I still couldn’t recognize him though but when he walked around the car, the crowd on the other side started screaming hysterically.

I found out later it was Jeong Sewoon, a singer/songwriter who was on the second season of Produce 101. He’s super cute!

The guys who got the biggest reaction were cool-looking even from the back but I have no idea who they were and still haven’t figured it out. I thought maybe it was several guys from Vixx but I don’t think they’re in Korea right now?

View this post on Instagram

I found out later that Seulgi from Red Velvet and Key from SHINee were also there and I’m sad we didn’t see them! I would have died.

Meanwhile, we’ve been here for like 24 hours and Chooch is suddenly obsessed with designer sunglasses and shoes, and also “11 for 10,000 won” street socks (he stops at every vendor selling them) so I think he already has the right idea re: street fashion. Maybe someday he’ll borrow a pair of Henry’s jeans and be a part of Seoul Fashion Week himself.

ETA: Two week’s later and I’m watching vlogs on YouTube to try and figure out who was in my video and I think possibly some of the guys from either Pentagon or Astro?* I’m in the background of one of the vlogs I was watching and I’m stupidly excited about it lol.

ETA, Part 2: Two years later, and I can confirm that it was Astro, lol.

No comments

OMG you guys, we’ve been so pressed for summer action around our clown house, that a 2-hour day trip to Erie was something that actually gave me the anticipation butterflies. I think that’s one of the only positive things to come out of this pandemic, is that it’s forcing us to appreciate the little things and just be grateful that we’re able to do anything at this point. 

But for real though, I woke up early Friday morning and was READY TO GO. Henry actually took the day off (SIKE! He still went in super early and came home around 7:30am, because he’s a fucking simp* for Faygo.) so we could have family fun time.

*(Chooch taught me this word and I always use it wrong.)

We started fighting almost immediately in the car so it was really like the Olden Times (i.e. 2019)! I forgot how annoying road trips are but also OMG I missed road trips! We fought over where to get our crappy road breakfast and eventually settled on Dunkin Donuts because they have Beyond sausage. Nothing more to really say about that. 

Halfway to Erie, it started POURING. Like, typhoon-style. I got really upset about this because it was beautiful (mostly) ALL WEEK but that dumb dick Henry was hemming and hawing about taking time off work and finally settled on Friday when there were no other days even left at that point, and also this is the second time  this week that I actually typed the phrase hemming and hawing so I think I am officially not a kid anymore, Toto. 

Speaking of Toto, we listened to yacht rock for a bit and that lovely Paul Davis tune, “Cool Night,” came on and I got so warm-feeling. I’ve always loved that song so much! Good ol’ Paul, he just wants to hold you by the firelight, and if it don’t feel right? You can go! No rapey vibes here!

(BENNY MARDONES COULD HAVE LEARNED A THING OR TWO FROM PAUL. )

(Quickly googles Paul Davis to make sure he didn’t lead a secretly despicable life.)

(OK, he seems to check out, dot dot dot question mark. But I admittedly left my Sleuthing Cap at the office, so I might not have really poured much energy into it. Also, his other big hit “I Go Crazy” always makes me want to die, FYI.)

Anyway! We decided that we’d make a pitstop to this place in Titusburg where there’s a lot of fish (it’s on Roadside America as “Where the Fish Walk On the Water” or something because it’s a feeding spot and they’re fatties waiting for those bread crumbs). We were in rural Pennsylvania by this point and I am sad to report that there are many corn fields supporting Trump 2020. I briefly considered canceling corn and Henry was like, “Yes please stop eating corn!” because he always has to scrape the kernels off the cob for me and he hates doing it like it’s suddenly a fucking chore to serve me?? 

While we were toiling around the backroads, looking out for Malachi and Isaac, I had switched the music back to Kpop because my heart was starting to ache without it. I can only go for so long without hearing the Korean language, OK? I put on this one Spotify playlist that I like, that features all the newer songs, and I somehow completely slept on the fact that Wonho (ex-Monsta X) recently came out with solo music and his first single is FU-HAHAHAHA-CKING BEAUTIFUL. Like, tears-spontaneously-springing-forth amazing. 

“I wish someone felt this way about me,” I said wistfully to Henry. 

“Me, too,” he mumbled.

OK, but please listen to this beautiful, heartbreaking song. I haven’t shovel-fed you guys Kpop as much as I normally do, so one video won’t kill you!! (And it’s in English.)

Then we got to the fish place but the fish weren’t at the surface because no one was there feeding them. 

But the seagulls were out and on high alert. 

It was just us and a van full of several disabled Amish people? Mennonites? I always get them mixed up, but I feel like one time we were at a nearby amusement park and there were Mennonites there on a field trip, so I guess that’s what was happening here too. I needed to pee super bad and there was a small group of them congregating over by the restrooms. They watched as I attempted to rip open a locked bathroom door, and one of them spoke to me!!!!! She said, in her German-y accent, “This one is not locked” and gestured to the one she was standing near with someone in a wheelchair. 

I was so excited!

Anyway, the bathroom was a real, well, dump as you can imagine for a public fish-feeding place. Pandemic or not pandemic, I washed my hands so hard that they were practically pure enough to fondle a Mennonite’s bible. Then I spotted some hand sanitizer near the soap and figured I’d go the extra mile because I might not very sane but at least I can be sanitary. 

Except that after I left the bathroom, I noticed that the sanitizer was not drying into my skin as I wrung my hands, but it was LATHERING. Apparently, I had been rubbing regular hand soap into myself and now I couldn’t go back and rinse it off because the MENNONITE HAD GONE INSIDE WITH THE PERSON IN THE WHEELCHAIR. I mean, I had bubbles floating off my phalanges at this point, and Henry was like, “You look stupid,” and then, “Now you look even more stupid” when I resorted to shaking rain water off of a tree and onto my foaming fists. 

Eventually, the bathroom became vacant again and Chooch also had to wash his hands so we went in together and got to have Mother-Son Bonding Time while dry-heaving at the stench the Mennonites left behind. It was pretty bad. Henry went in after us and didn’t mind it though. His big man-man olfactory system is strong & can withstand even the toughest turd fumes with no complaints. 

I’m going to stop here, because I’m listening to a fun audiobook and I want to go back to that! Check back for part 2 which will basically just be a photo dump from the fake beach at Lake Erie. Thrilling!

 

No comments

I’m here to finish telling the tale of my Staycation Day 4 and as usual I teased that there would be lots of action & drama but come on, we all know hyperbole was my first word (OK, third, right after I’m obsessed).

So what happened was that we finished our Zenith feast and Chooch & I decided to walk to Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee. I know, I just spent half of my last post ranting about how Starbucks is sucks and believe me, DD’s specialty drinks are no better but if I’m getting just a plain hot coffee or an iced coffee, it’s fine. (But they do piss me off a lot with their inconsistencies!!)

(In fact, I just FILED A COMPLAINT the other day and have not yet heard back!? WHERE IS MY $3 REFUND.)

OK so we get to DD and Chooch goes in to fetch the drinks; we always order ahead on the app so that one of us can just run in all hunched over like we’re sidestepping through a COVID landmine, grab the drinks and split. I was waiting outside and noticed that Chooch had the drinks, but couldn’t leave because some man was blocking the door with a stroller. I used my HUMAN INSTINCTS to determine that he needed help exiting since he was trying to push open the door with his back, so I went inside the vestibule and grabbed the door for him like a good sweetheart. 

As soon as I opened the door, vulgar noise pollution from  inside the store came billowing out because EVIDENTLY that guy was in the middle of verbal fisticuffs with one of the DD workers! The first thing I heard was him hollering about calling the police and that something was harrassment and the cashier was like GO AHEAD AND CALL THE POLICE and then he was like YOU DUMB BITCH YOU WORK AT DUNKIN DONUTS YOU CUNT and I’m just standing there holding the door open while he backs out with a stroller that it is halfway on its side with a small child in it!!

Chooch followed him out and gave me this raised eyebrow smirk, like, “wow that was real cool” and I was just super angry because that dumb Eminem-look-alike motherfucker didn’t even thank me for holding the door!!!

ALSO, HIS SUPERMAN MASK WASN’T COVERING HIS STUPID COKE NOSE.

Chooch said it was real exciting being inside the store while the fight was happening. There were other people in there too, standing in line for their weak coffees and donuts, becoming accidental spectators of this white trash Yinzer row. According to Chooch, the fight had already started by the time he walked in and there were no context clues to help him construct the fight’s origin story. Dammit.

We couldn’t wait to go home and tell Henry what he had missed! We made it all the way back to our street, a block away, when it started storming – HARD. So now we were like WOW THIS DAY HAS REALLY HAD LOTS OF EXCITEMENT because when you’re in the midst of a pandemic you’ll take any kind of action that doesn’t involve hand-washing and mapping hotspots. 

Halfway into our block, we noticed that a huge tree branch had fallen on a car! And not just a parked car, but a car that was actually driving past the tree. We were like, “OH HOLY SHIT” because it looked like it could have been really bad, and then Chooch screamed “Oh shit do you think Dad knows?” and I was like, “I’m sure he already has a 911 boner” because Henry is like Mr. Neighborhood Watch, a professional Boy Scout. I’m actually surprised he never pursued a career as a 911 dispatcher or started his own grassroots Pioneer Avenue Patrol Squad. 

But as we got closer to our house, we realized that the front door was open, so I said, “Oh yeah, he must already be standing there watching” but Chooch cried, “NO HE’S OUT THERE, HAHAHAHA!!!!” 

Yep, of course he was out there in the thick of it! My favorite part? HNC let him borrow one of his windbreakers, so they were matching! Like they were the official Pioneer Ave Road Crew!!!

And then a truck came by and Henry got to perform his favorite duty of all time: GIVING DIRECTIONS TO A TRUCK DRIVER!!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH HENRY LOVES TO GIVE DIRECTIONS IN GENERAL, BUT IF THE LOST RECIPIENT OF SAID DIRECTIONS IS A BURLY TRUCK DRIVER, HENRY FEELS SO FULFILLED!!!

LOOK AT HIM DOING THAT THING!!!!

My other favorite part is that the whole time, he was holding the yard sign that Chooch got from his old school, congratulating him on graduating 8th grade. I thought he was using it as some sort of homemade traffic flag, but it turns out he was only holding it because the wind blew it into the street while everything else was happening and he got stuck holding it the whole time. It’s almost as good as when he was holding a baggie of raw chicken during another Pioneer Ave emergency. 

Sadly, Henry was not the one who actually through to 911!!! He tried to call when the branch first fell, but there was a high call volume so he hung up and directed traffic again. HNC’s wife was the one who eventually got through – I bet Henry gave himself a good old-fashioned flagellation that night. 

Anyway, once the cops rolled up, Henry was like, “I GUESS MY JOB HERE IS DONE” and let the “professionals” have at it. But HNC stayed out there! And then when some dude rolled up with a chainsaw to start sawing the tree, HNC brought out brooms and helped the cops sweep the debris off the street! What a suck-up!! 

(I can’t believe Henry didn’t stick around with this heroic custodial work. Instead, he stood on the porch and criticized the chainsaw guy; I can’t remember what for, poor form or something? His slowness at getting the chainsaw started? Henry was salty about something.)

I guess I should have mentioned way back there somewhere in the beginning that the family inside the car was fine, albeit very shaken. Henry said it was a family of three and the mom was in the backseat holding a small kid, so thank god the branch landed where it did!

“HNC came over and thanked me for my help afterward, but I was the one who was out there first!” Henry ranted later that night in a very rare fit of jealousy. Usually Henry is like the ultimate at altruism, but I guess even the most noble heroes want a little credit every now and then. 

We let Henry sit on the porch and cruise Reddit on his phone for the rest of the night. He earned it.

Literally just the other day we were talking about how nothing exciting has happened on our street lately but I guess no one thought to knock on wood. 

2 comments

This day had a super weak start. Chooch was crying about wanting some stupid Starbucks fruit drink and even though I hate Starbucks, like, it will be the my last resort of we’re out somewhere and I need coffee (this usually just happens on the driving part of roadtrips, and since everyone’s default Christmas or birthday gift is a Starbucks card, I usually at least never have to pay for it with my own money!). Luckily, we have three real, non-chain cafes within walking distance, plus a Dunkin’ Donuts for when I feel like slumming it so I’m set.

However, Chooch is being brainwashed by The Family Next Door (ie his brother and fam). Blake and Haley BOTH work at Starbucks and are extremely loyal to that bottom barrel chain. They will occasionally bring home stupid ass fruit beverages in exchange for Chooch’s babysitting services so now he’s hooked and desperately wanted one Wednesday night, so I promised him we would walk to the closest one (where Blake works) and he could get his stupid ass drink.

It’s about a 25 minute walk, and we stopped at the cool wooden playground in Dormont on the way to sit down and figure out our order on the stupid app that I had to get to store my stupid gift cards, ugh, stupid Starbucks. There was some little bitch at the playground called Fiona and we know that because her mom kept saying in a way that made me feel like she bragging that she named the bitch Fiona? Like, OK? Good for you, now cook on, ya dumb Shrek-stan.

Then some grandpa got all flustered because “too many people” were there now (coincidentally, he started spouting off about this right as Chooch and I arrived and sat down) and kept telling a kid in a stroller that it was time to go but then they weren’t actually leaving, they were just standing there while he kept wringing his hands and talking about how crowded it was and literally there were like 8 people there and it’s a really big playground and no one was any closer than 20 feet and also most of us were wearing masks (HE WASN’T). We literally weren’t even swinging on the monkey bars or breaking a sweat near any other human, we were sitting on a bench and ordering Starbucks!

BUT WAIT, THERE IS MORE COVID STUFF.

After we placed the order, we walked across the street to the shopping center where Starbucks is. I haven’t ever visited a Starbucks since the pandemic started, so I’m not sure if all the stores like this but there are green X’s outside the door with one tall table in the middle for the barista to come out and place the drinks. When we got there, some young-ish (in his 20s and did not appear to be overtly MAGAesque in any sense) was leaning against the table, bandanna half-assedly covering his face, telling a barista that his order was wrong. So she was like, “OK I will fix that” like wow what a shocker, we get there and immediately witness a Starbucks fuckup. A Starfucks.

No, that didn’t work. We won’t use that again.

Anyway! Dude pulls his bandanna down and GOES INTO THE STORE. Like, face-naked Just strolls into Starbucks like it’s 2019 and he’s showing off his bare mouth & nostrils to the world, like HERE I AM, VIRUS! He goes right up to the counter and starts paging through some menu thing while he’s standing there. There were two girls standing outside with us (way ore than 6 feet away) also waiting for their drinks, and they were screaming, “OMG NOW HE’S TOUCHING SHIT!” and basically Myron Coping his every move. Then he started rubbing his face. And not just like a gentle stroke with a pad of two or three fingers, but fully palming his face with both hands and aggressively scrubbing like he was taking a dry shower in the middle of Starbucks, in the middle OF A PANDEMIC where we are told over and over NOT TO TOUCH OUR FACES.

THEN HE STARTED COUGHING. OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. Blacklist this guy from Starbucks—nay, society—STAT.

Ugh, and then my drink (some kiwi bullshit) was basic at best and I was like THANKS A LOT CHOOCH, but he loved his stupid ass fruit drink so whatever.

“Fiona’s still there,” Chooch casually pointed out when we passed the playground. “Let’s have a Fiona’s Over party.” Fuckin’ Fiona.

When we made it back to Dormont about 15 minutes later, we ended up behind that dumb grandpa and his dumb grandkid-in-a-stroller. “Ha, you caught up to us!” he laughed and I was like WOW YOU’RE TALKING TO US COVID CARRIERS. Sike, he was actually pretty jovial and we were the ones wearing masks, not him, so…

So all of that happened in the morning. We came home and I read for a bit and who knows what else I did, that was practically a week ago. I do know that when Henry came home from work, we had to go to Chooch’s new school to pick up his laptop since he’s cybering it for at least the first semester. That went off without a hitch (except for when Henry made 87 wrong turns because I guess he’s not as professional of a driver as he’d like some of us to believe.

Since we were in Oakland and that’s close to Southside, we ordered takeout from ZENITH because it’s been a minute since I stuffed my face with some of their glorious homemade vegetarian food. All three of us ordered the Toficken sandwich because everyone has to copy me. Henry thinks he’s so fucking special because now when he orders from there, they know who he is since I’m Instagram pals with the people who own the place and he gets this dumb schoolboy giggle. Anyway, they asked how the kitchen is coming along, which made me laugh.

Wouldja just look at this big boy, though? Shit.

OK, I’m gonna split for now and come back later with part 2, which is full of so much DRAMA and ACTION, you’ll be wondering when the Lifetime movie is coming out. And more importantly, if Kristy McNichol will come out of retirement to play Henry!

No comments

Thank you, Green Sweater. I never knew how bad my desire was to see Taemin cocooned so elegantly by you. But now that I’ve seen it, I never want to not see it. I want to hug you while you’re resting gently on Taemin’s perfect frame. I want to softly twist your pretty tendrils, the ones that are lying atop Taemin’s shoulders, nearest his pretty chin. I want to admire your verdant hue as seen in the reflection of Taemin’s sultry eyes. I want to test your softness by pressing my face into Taemin’s chest. I want to toss what will likely be the equivalent to half my next paycheck into the air with wanton abandon so that I can put you on my Taemin cardboard cutout and bask in your heavenly perfection every day. Oh yes, I do believe the moment you descended upon Taemin was the angels’ cue to begin singing from up on high.

Oh Green Sweater, Taemints worldwide salute you for your service.

No comments

Ok, listen listen listen, things finally started to get fun at the midway point of my week off. Henry GRACIOUSLY let me have the car on Wednesday (even though it’s MY car, but we are a one-car family and god forbid he should take the bus to work) so Chooch and I went hogwild. 

Literally.

We went to Round Hill Game Preserve!

Actually, and this is so very sad, we planned our entire day around Taco Bell.

We’re an American anomaly in that we rarely eat fast food, but Taco Bell has always been my fave ever since high school when I realized, “Yo, I can actually order things that don’t automatically come stuffed with meat!” (You might know that I have been a vegetarian since I was 16.) Anyway, my go-to item at Taco Bell for like the past 20 years has been the 7-later burrito and when I found out last month that they were REMOVING IT FROM THE MENU in order to make room for “new items,” I literally thought I was going to set fire to the nearest church.

(There are three right across the street from me so I wouldn’t even have had to go very far, I’m so…blessed.) Right around that time, the director of my department emailed me my choices for my annual birthday gift card and when I saw that Taco Bell was an option, I pounced on it, because now more than ever did I have incentive to pump my body full of faux-Mexican cuisine. Seven layers worth, as it were. 

But then I kept putting it off and putting it off and saying things like, “I already made too many poor food choices this weekend, we’ll do it next weekend” until finally, it was too late. I missed the bus to the 7 layer send off party, you guys. I AM SUCH A FUCKING ASSHOLE. I feel like I have been pretty adult-ish lately, what with all the dumpster fires smoldering across the world, but this was the catalyst that made me go off and post a whiny tweet because I LEARNED IT FROM THE “PRESIDENT” ok??

This brought back massive memories of 1999 when those corporate Taco Bell assholes took the veggie fajita wrap away from me and social media wasn’t around then but I HAD A WEBSITE (Ruby Red’s Sporkworld!) and I wrote this whole SAVE THE FAJITA WRAP mission statement, urging people  to call and write to Taco Bell. Lotta good that did. Anyway, I looked it up (my old website) and was pleased to see that it’s still partially intact, including the fajita wrap stuff! I showed Chooch and he was like, “wow. I am. so proud. of you.”

Well, enough about that for now. First, we went to Round Hill! I mean, after dropping dumb Henry off at his dumb job, ugh.

 

We got there early enough that it wasn’t too crowded, but I definitely did not feel comfortable not wearing a mask. Especially when we had to walk past some man sitting on bench, no mask, coughing and sneezing aggressively while chowing down on Cheetos. AMERICA, YOU GUYS. GOD BLESS IT.

 

It’s been a minute since I ventured out to Round Hill and I was pleasantly surprised to see that they added some new exhibits since I have last been there. For instance, I do not remember there being goats or llamas, but suddenly here they are. 

Another thing I for sure don’t remember is the sunflower field?! It was practically a corn maze! We had the most fun! I pretended like it was senior portrait time, and I mean, I’m pretty much halfway in between high school senior and senior citizen, so…

(Also, I hated my senior portraits. The photographer was such a fucking creep.)

Chooch always takes the best pictures of me because he makes me laugh so I actually look natural and not like I’m smiling through a kidney stone like when anyone else takes my picture. Don’t get me wrong though, I still had plenty of “EW DELETE IT” moments which make Chooch groan. Sorry I’m not as fucking photogenic as his perfect self, ugh.

There were a lot of people there who totally made us roll our eyes, but this section of the park was completely empty and we loved it. 

Before we left, we sat at the duck pond and instead of it being a place of serenity and cute duck sounds like we had hoped, the area was polluted by this shitty family who stayed way longer than necessary. It was a pregnant mom, four kids under the age of 7, and Grandma. They let all 4 kids throw pebbles at the ducks (the oldest boy kept wandering off to throw bigger rocks in the pond and luckily it was always in an area of the water not populated by ducks but Chooch recorded him anyway “for my lawyer,” he said, in case we witnessed any animal abuse. I fucking HATE when grown ass adults stand there and let children do stupid shit like this. OK, the tiny gravel/pebble pieces they were throwing in probably weren’t hurting anything but at the bare minimum, it was teasing the ducks into thinking that food was being thrown to them. But then, the youngest kid, who was definitely a toddler, had drifted off several feet from his family and fell headfirst down the hill, in slo-mo, nearly ending up in the very pond of ducks he had just been drizzling with pebbles. IT WAS SO FUCKING HILARIOUS. I mean, the incline of the hill was such that when he fell, he actually landed on his head and we were laughing so hard we had to turn around on the bench so that they the dumb adults didn’t see us, like when you get the giggles in the church and have to bury your face in the missalette, not that I know anything about that at all. 

We tried telling Henry about it later and he just looked at us with that disappointed smirk he gets, so we were like “guess you had to be there” and now I will say it to you, too:

Guess you had to be there.

We left shortly after that, driving through rural PA to the nearest Taco Bell. Chooch was pointing out houses that he liked, until he realized that nearly every house we drove past had TRUMP signs in their yards, one was like a fucking Trump carnival with a giant banner slung across their house and at least 30 signs of varying shapes and sizes (way more inclusive than any Trump supporter is toward actual human beings) posted throughout their yard. This house made Chooch violently dry-heave, which turned into almost-vomit. 

Honestly, it makes us so sick to see people blatantly supporting that racist piece of bigot-shit. 

Anyway! We made it to Taco Bell in White Oak and then laughed our asses off when we realized that there was a post office in the shopping center right next to us because Henry wanted me to go and mail something for him that morning since I had the car and I was like, “No. I will not be anywhere near a post office. Figure it out yourself” and then Chooch and I peeled out of the FAYGO parking lot, leaving Henry standing there to eat our dust, item-to-be-mailed clutched uselessly in one hand. 

We’re the biggest dicks ever to that man, haha.

So we got our Taco Bell and then Chooch looked on A MAP and found a RIVER PARK in McKeesport where we could park and eat our lunch. If you’re not from around here, you might not know that McKeesport isn’t the greatest, most scenic area, but there is a river that people like, take their boats on. When I was little, my pappap used to take us to this place called Paulie’s Lookout for my birthday dinners because I liked that it was on a hill and it overlooked the river so I thought it was fancy, and also I would get lobster because I was That Little Rich Bitch. 

That place sadly closed down a long time ago and has since been completely torn down. :(

 

Our lunchtime view. Chooch was dying because I made such a mess eating my (vegetarian) chalupa which is so delicious but so unsatisfying and he didn’t drop even a single bean while eating his but in my defense, he had a goddamn crunchwrap and those things are so secure!

 

I made him pose with this random lighthouse in the parking lot.

Afterward, I was like, “I’M ON VACATION AND I WANT ICE CREAM” and Chooch was like, “OK you don’t have to scream it” so we went to The Scoop in, I dunno, West Mifflin or Munhall or something and we were the only people there and had the entire patio are to ourselves and it almost felt like it wasn’t a pandemic anymore until we got back to the car and bathed in hand sanitizer. 

Chooch was really dying at this place though because my cone cracked in my hand and I had ice cream all over my arm and wrist and face. He shook his head and said, “Wow, you’re so messy. The tables have really turned” as he Vanna’d his hands over himself to illustrate how clear of ice cream he was.

Fuck you, Chooch.

Man, we usually would have had like 8459 soft serves by this point of the summer but alas, it was not to be. So eating this bad boy gave us some semblance of normalcy. And the actual cone was matcha flavored! It was so good. Sometimes you just gotta get down with some sprinkle-capped soft serve, son. 

Then later I had to go and pick up Henry’s sorry ass from work, so that was annoying. And then we had to go to the post office, lol. Basically, once Henry was done with work, the rest of the day was lame and boring. Sorry Henry, you know it’s true. BIG SHRUGS. 

No comments

Chooch starts school (HIGH SCHOOL) on Monday, so we decided to do a tiny road trip to Erie (I mean, it’s only 2 hours away, so yeah – pretty tiny!) today as a last hurrah and to maybe try and make this summer feel like summer, even if only for a few hours. I’ll be back in a few days with a full recap of all the arguments and Henry bullying but for now, here are some photos of my almost-adult, who still would rather build things out of sticks than cooperate with his mother during a fauxtoshoot.

This shirt is from Blvck Cat. They’re an indie horror pin company and you should support them.

Probably thinking about his cat.

He won’t actually pose for me anymore so usually all the shots I get of him are when he’s in mid-something, looking like a mannequin.

Probably contemplating where to shove this.

 I kept saying, “Do something Taemin-esque. Pose like Taemin would” and he was just like, “I will not.”

Well, that’s that. I’m going to go and pass out now because even though it was just a quick day trip, I am clearly off my traveling game because I am absolutely fucking exhausted (and I also still have sand in my shoes, so I should probably attend to that).

No comments

Not gonna lie, Tuesday was boring to the max. I finished reading The Vanishing Half and it was superb. I think perhaps that was the highlight.

I’ve recently been obsessed with walking to nearby Little Free Libraries and found one that was a walkable distance away in Dormont, so we did that at some point.

I mean, talk about reaching for the stars, you know?

It took less than 30 minutes to get there and I didn’t see anything I wanted, but definitely LOL’d at the Leslie Sansone book!

There was one positive aspect of this walking adventure, though: inside the Little Library was a book by the person who wrote the Percy Jackson series which made Chooch remember that he never finished it because he couldn’t get book 3 from Libby (this was right when quarantine started and the libraries had shut down). I looked it up on the library’s website and it said it was available at our local branch PLUS I had two books waiting to be picked up, so later that afternoon, we walked to the real library, which as you know is like my favorite thing to do these days!

We had to go inside though because even though we requested the Percy Jackson book earlier that day, they didn’t include it with my books that were already on hold so Chooch had to ASK THE LIBRARIAN who actually was very nice considering that all the librarians are actual witches to Chooch, according to him. We had to wait for a whole ass minute while she went downstairs to get it from the shelf, and this was apparently unacceptable to the old man behind us so he left and we were like, “Wow, bro. Learn some patience.”

After we left the library, we went next door to the bakery and bought some cookies. While we were in there choosing what we wanted, the old man from the library came in and had to stand in line behind us again, HAHAHAHA. This time he actually waited though.

Hey. I warned you that Tuesday was boring.

Oh shit, as I’m writing this, I realized that I said that the JZZ BAR cat toy came (yeah it did) on Monday, but I think it was actually Tuesday. Look, my days are so fucking jam-packed with action and fun that I can’t keep track.

Um, what else. We came home from the bakery and I convinced Chooch to start watching The Haunting of Hill House because he didn’t watch it with me last year when it came out and I really think he would like it but he’s at that age where he doesn’t take recommendations from PARENTS so I had to resort to reverse psychology (“yeah never mind. it’s probably too scary for you. it’s inappropriate. you wouldn’t understand it”). It started storming while we were watching it so it made it even better! Well, for me anyway. He tried to front like it was “just ok” and he didn’t get scared at all and he doesn’t know if he will continue watching the series, etc etc. Whatever.

Then Henry came home and I was like WORK ON THE COFFEE TABLE.

HELLO, THE COFFEE TABLE. So that happened. He painted more parts of it. I dunno. Everything gets done at the slowest pace imaginable around here and everything about Tuesday was so fucking boring that I’m actually falling asleep while writing this.

Don’t worry, Wednesday and today (well, just this evening) were much more exciting so STAY TUNED.

Or don’t. Hopefully you have better things to read on the Internet! I’m about to unsub from my own damn blog after this one.

But if you still read this…thanxx!

No comments

We keep getting all these reminder emails to use our PTO, under the guise of being kind to our mental well-being but really it’s because the firm doesn’t want everyone playing chicken with Covid and waiting until it’s safe to travel which likely won’t be anytime soon and then everyone will try to take off the entire month of December.

I’ve been taking days here and there but then I pulled the trigger and scheduled off for a full week this month and one week in October too, and here I am, smack in the middle of my “staycation” and don’t even bother asking me how that’s going because you guys all know how much I hate “staying.”

So far, most of the days have been the same as all the other days during Covid, except that I haven’t had to log onto work. I’ve just been spending lots of time with the cats and reading books. And cramping Chooch’s style.

(A few weeks ago, I had the department shared calendar up on my screen while I was working and Chooch was like, “Why does your name take up that whole entire line?” and I said, “Because I’m off that whole week.” He tone went flat as he said, “Yay. I’m so excited for me.”)

Anyway, here is a recap of the highlights from Monday and Tuesday because there were kind of some, I guess.

On Monday, I had the grand idea to walk to the neighboring town of Beechview after lunch. Usually, I would see the main street of it every day since it’s on my trolley route to work, but as it is, I haven’t been in Beechview since March! It’s not too far of a walk, and I pointed out that there is a big Las Palmas grocery store there (as opposed to the small, bodego-style version we have in Brookline) and this appealed to Chooch because there are some new flavors of Takis that he’s been wanting to try.

Bribing kids with spicy Mexican snacks is OK, parents.

On the way there, we walked down one of the nicer streets in Dormont and they had exercise suggestions taped to some of the trees, so we were jumping and spinning and then eventually realized at the end of the street that there was a scavenger hunt set up on that block, so I promised that we would walk home that same way so we could play. (Honestly, it was only like 25% for Chooch’s sake and the rest for myself – I like funtime too!!)

Then I took this picture of Chooch and hours later, when I posted it on Instagram, I yelled out, “OMG that’s so cool how you accidentally matched up with the background” and Chooch scowled and said, “I did that on purpose. I told you I was doing that as you took the picture!” SORRY, MY 41-YEAR-OLD EARS DID NOT HEAR THAT.

At Las Palmas, we went hogwild on Takis (I mean, we bought three small bags, but sure OK. Hogwild) and then I said, “We should be nice to your dad since he’s been working so hard on getting shit done around the house. I’m going to text him and see if he wants anything.” So I did, but then I forgot that I texted him and we were tired of being there after walking down, like, 3 aisles, so we checked out and left. Two blocks away, Henry texted me and said, “surprise me.”

I showed it to Chooch and we did the clenched teeth inhale. “Um, maybe we could get him something from Potomac Bakery,” I suggested but then remembered that I didn’t have any cash, lol, oh well.

Meanwhile, we treated ourselves to frozen treats at Alquisiras Paleteria, haha.

We walked past some older white guy who was like “ICE CREAM, HUH? LOOKS GOOD” and we jumped and said “yessir” like we were suddenly Mayberry children who just got caught jaywalking in front of the postmaster and he just kept pressing us for information about where we got them and I kept trying to answer but he kept cutting me off and saying, “THAT BBQ PLACE DOWN THERE, HUH” and like, no, that’s not where, but if you’re so fucking sure why do you keep asking. I started to wonder if he was undercover ICE and I got really uncomfortable.

Also, my thumbnails are the only nails on my hands that have polish on them and I still can’t be bothered to do anything about it.

We had way too much fun playing planetary peeping toms, you guys. Way too much fun. All streets should do this! Again, just like how the Little Library wouldn’t fare well in my front yard, I can’t imagine the people on my block getting their shit together and participating in something like this. I mean, I guess one of them could be “passed out drunk guy” because Chooch’s nemesis Larry can often be found in an inebriated supine state in his front yard.

Yeah, we had way too much fun doing this, lol. I was fine until we came across the one that had us touching our toes because my back, oh boy, my back.

(GO TO THE DOCTOR is what Henry and Chooch keep suggesting but I’m like, No I will keep watching LOWER BACK PAIN REMEDY videos on YouTube, thanks guys.)

The other notable thing that happened on Monday was that the cats’ new tunnel came! To be fair, only Drew cares about the tunnels and her other two are pretty beat up so she needed a replacement.

I didn’t realize that we actually purchased a JZZ BAR, though.

Oh! One other exciting thing happened! I was scrolling through Instagram and saw a picture of Taemin from when SuperM appeared on some Japanese show recently and I was like IS HE WEARING A CURE T-SHIRT because I could see what appeared to be the top of Robert Smith’s hair peeking out from underneath the blazer Taemin was also wearing, so I spent all this time scrolling through Instagram and YouTube looking for more photos and videos of their appearance and can confirm that YES, YES HE WAS WEARING A CURE T-SHIRT AND MY WORLDS COLLIDED IN THE PRETTIEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL EXPLOSION INSIDE MY HEART.

View this post on Instagram

And that was my super exciting Staycation Day 1. Stay tuned for more thrilling recaps. Sigh.

No comments

Insert obligatory CAN YOU BELIEVE [X MONTH] IS ALMOST OVER exclamation here. But for real, only one more weekend before it’s Back to School Time here in Pittsburgh. Even though Chooch isn’t physically returning to school just yet, I still have that lowkey summer sadness. 

Anyway! Happy thoughts. 

The weekend got underway Friday night with some porch hangs. This has been one of the few highlights of the summer – chilling with the cats on the porch. Drew and Penelope are both extremely skittish cats so it was pretty shocking when they both expressed (tentative) interest in coming outside back in June.

Penelope will only venture all the way out onto the porch once the sun goes down. But even then, every little noise makes her do the Scooby-jump and dart back into the house. 

Drew is much braver at night to the point where Chooch has to put a harness on her now, just to be safe. Haha.

Meanwhile, inside the house, Henry actually hung the neon sign! I was floored that he got it up on the wall on the same day it came in the mail and didn’t leave it laying on the floor for 6 months like he did with the Mouse Attack sign. The reason I’m so astonished is because there’s no electrical outlet on that side of the wall and he had to actually install one — I didn’t ask any questions, but there was a lot of drilling involved. 

Henry was an electrician’s apprentice way back in the say, or so he says, and he apparently apprenticed his ass off because he’s definitely done a lot of electrical wizardry here in our house. 

But you guys, I am so thrilled with how the neon sign turned out. It really brings the whole room together and fulfills the vision I had from the very beginning! Without it, I think some people might have been like “how is this an 80s kitchen though” but now the vibes are real. The other day, Chooch and I blasted In the Air Tonight while standing in the kitchen and it for real for real felt like Sonny and Tubbs were going to come through.

In weekend book news, I tried to pare down my TBR but only managed to knock out Such a Fun Age. 

Then I dumped all of the photos I brought home 4 years ago from my grandparents’ house into photo boxes, so now I don’t have a giant, beat-up box, a giant wicker basket, and multiple plastic bags full of photos loafing on my bedroom floor anymore. I didn’t even bother to sort the photos – I just fucking dumped them into the boxes and called it a day. There are like 5 decades of pictures in there!

Fuck that. 

Sunday morning, Henry came outside and sat down and I was like WHY AREN’T YOU WORKING ON ANYTHING and he said because he was eating breakfast and I was like BUT YOU HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING YET TODAY TO EARN A MEAL. 

Don’t worry, after he ate, we went to Construction Junction because really funny story (actually it’s boring): we somehow lost a drawer. No, not during this recent kitchen redo, but like, years ago. We’ve just always had a gaping hole in lieu of a drawer for literally as long as I can remember but I feel like it must have happened 10 years ago when I originally wanted to fix the kitchen and Henry never got any further than painting (very half-assedly) the drawers and cabinets a teal color. He kept saying that that one drawer must have “dropped down” during that time, whatever that means, but I think what really happened was that he took all the cabinets off and drawers out, and in the process he broke one and just didn’t care. 

We had a party a few years ago and someone jokingly pointed out the gaping drawer cavity and I was like, “Oh yeah, I always forget about that damn drawer.” Like, I just got SO USED to a drawer not being there that I stopped questioning it.

But this time around, I was like, “hey Henry….what are we going to do about that missing drawer?” I mean, we spent so much time fixing this stupid room, and then what…just leave that ugly gap there? Like the sink area lost a tooth?

 

So we went to Construction Junction, which is like a home reuse place that is exciting to me for about 2 minutes and then I’m like, “Can we go now can we go now can we go now.” Anyway, Henry managed to find a drawer thingie that was the same size as the bigger drawers we have so he was like I CAN GET IT DOWN TO SIZE AND BLAH BLAH BLAH and I was like “That’s fine, whatever, can we go now can we go now can we go now” so went to the check out and guess how much it cost? FIFTY CENTS, BOY.

Compared to like, $60 that Lowe’s and Home Depot wanted for basically the same small slab of crappy wood.

Thanks, Construction Junction.

See the gaping hole over there? Like, who loses an entire drawer though. I think Henry is hiding something from me. Anyway, he already cut the drawer to size and it just needs painted, then we will have normal-people kitchen cabinets and drawers! I can’t even handle it. This is also the first time I’ve been able to take a picture of this side of the kitchen without feeling rage!

This is the current situation ^^^.

VERY CLOSE to being done! The handles for the drawers came in the mail today and I put them on all by myself! We also are getting personal photos of ourselves from the 80s turned into small magnets for the fridge; we need a cover for the ceiling light (Henry has vetoed EVERY SINGLE ONE I HAVE SENT HIM); we have a small curtain to make for the door window using fabric that features illustrations of Robert Smith, David Bowie, Siouxsie Sioux, Adam Ant, and Cyndi Lauper which I’m very excited about!; and Henry still needs to figure out what he’s doing with that sweet-ass Conair telephone I bought from eBay. I think that’s mostly it. Oh! I want to make a shelf out of several books published in the 80s, which is why the neon sign isn’t centered (I’m sure that was making some people on Instagram twitch!) and I also left some space above the spice rack in case I stumble upon anything in the future that needs to live on the kitchen wall. You never know. 

Here’s what it looks like from the back porch:

When covid peaces out, I’m having a big house party because we put so much work in this damn space and I need my friends to come over and enjoy it with me!

The best part is that now that all the big stuff is finally done in the kitchen, Henry has been able to move onto other back-burnered projects, like the coffee table, which is finally painted and put back together, just without legs and without the finished top. Then maybe he can finally work on the Seoul subway sign?!?! (Except that we promised Chooch we would redo his room before school starts since he’s doing online school and needs a good space in which to do so since I will working from home until at least the end of October at this point.)

I hate that this summer has been filled with so many adult things, like gardening and going to Lowe’s. :(

Also on Sunday, we went to 350 Bakery on the Southside to grab some, well, baked goods. We totally double-dipped this weekend because I sent Henry there right when they opened on Saturday to get us some hand pies. I really wanted to try their homemade poptarts though so we swung by on the way home from boring Construction Junction. I stayed in the car, and when Henry came back empty-handed, I started to clench, which is my defense mechanism when confronting UTTER LETDOWN head on. Yeah, they were sold out of poptarts, so he just left the line? Like he didn’t even bother to ply me with consolation carbs? So we left and for a solid 5 minutes in the car I ranted about how he should know that when I AM MENSTRUATING, I fucking NEED SUGAR so he should have JUST BOUGHT SOMETHING ELSE and he was like “do you want me to go back” and I was like NO BECAUSE YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE LEFT IN THE FIRST PLACE and so then he was like “OK we will continue to drive home” so I was like OH WOW IF YOU EVEN REALLY CARED ABOUT ME….so then he was like, “OK I am going back to this bakery no matter what you say, what do you want, something chocolate, or….” and I was like I DUNNO WHAT I WANT WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME DECIDE I AM SO SICK OF MAKING DECISIONS FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE JUST FUCKING CHOOSE SOMETHING FOR ME BUT CHOOSE WISELY BECAUSE IF YOU GET THE WRONG THING I FUCKING SWEAR TO GOD I WILL END YOU.

Anyway, great news! When it was his turn to enter the bakery (one customer at a time, plz), the girl behind the counter whispered to him that she found one extra poptart if he wanted it and he was like THANK YOU FOR SAVING MY FAKE MARRIAGE, BAKERY CLERK. And then she gave him a chocolate chip cookie for free so now he thinks he’s like big shit in the bakery circle.

I’m not even being melodramatic when I say that the poptart was fucking everything I needed and I’m actually kind of annoyed that I was generous enough to split it three-ways. 

That thing on the left is a chocolate babka which I’ve surprisingly never had before even though I am part-Polish and was born and raised in Pittsburgh but I am here to say that it was worth the 41 year wait. 

350 Bakery has a generic name, but their goods are anything but!

I’ve spent a lot of time outside this summer, reading books in the morning but I admittedly get distracted a lot because I like looking at all of our flowers and noting which ones have gone through massive growth spurts. Flowers are weird and fun. 

I’m excited to start planting shit earlier next year! We got a late start this season.

Well, that was my weekend. Boring house project things and baked goods. 

No comments