Oh Honestly, Erin

So today I submitted a photo to some Visit PA Facebook contest. Naturally, there are only two days left to vote, I literally missed out on the entire month; I figured it was worth a shot so I quickly chose a photo of something that could, I guess, be considered touristy and quickly entered.

Because hello, the top 6 vote-getters win one of six Pennsylvania getaways and you know who would like to get away? This girl I know who is ready to slaughter every living being in her house before diving off a bridge.

OH THAT’S RIGHT, ME.

Yes, I would like to win this contest, but my chances are relatively nil. Still, it’s worth a shot! And I’m hoping that someone reading this might want to take a minute and vote for dumb photo. I’d like to think I don’t ask for much from my reader(s), so please! Come on, I’m the girl who gives my shit away! (And by shit, I am of course talking about paintings, etc. Not my actual feces. Yet.) If ever I’ve made you smile or maybe even laugh here and there, please vote for me (and maybe even tell your friends to vote too?) unless me making you smile or laugh requires me to make good on that promise and jump off a bridge. Then, you know, don’t vote for me. Bastard.

The “getaway” could be a Dumpster in Scranton fitted with a piece of burlap and a sack of oranges for a pillow, or a serial killer’s surgically-equipped basement in Allentown, and I’d still consider sexual favors in exchange for votes. That’s how badly I’d like to run away.

My entry is HERE.

The photo is from my Westmoreland County Fair post from last August, and it always makes me smile. Maybe it makes you smile too! I heard that means you should vote.

Whenever things go remotely well for me (and I’m talking winning a free ticket on a scratch off), I panic and wonder what sort of hellstorm is skulking around behind the shanties, waiting to shower me with hot coal, STDs and Jessica Simpson medleys. So my instinct is to do something nice for other people.

And this is where it could benefit YOU. I’m giving away one of my 4″x4″  bathroom plaques ($15 value) to one lucky reader. They’re available in a variety of styles and the choice is all yours. Here are some of the glowing reviews that have been dumping in (oh, see what I did there? DUMPING?):

Jen Shitcan from Missouri has been heard saying, “Shiiit, I was so sick of my bitch ass husband bringing his broads home from the bar and asking me where the can was so they can empty their Diva Cup.  Now they just look for the sign and I don’t gotta be bustin’ caps no more.”

Isaac Outhouse from the wilderness sent a telegram saying, “Sign good. Rust proof.”

Peter Pisser from a place with a large blind population sent a box of chocolates with a note saying, “Works good. Except my one blind friend still needs help finding the commode. Make one in braille, you should.”

Melissa Purell informed in green ink, “My son has a penchant for smearing fecal matter everywhere but the hand wipes I keep on the sink specifically for these occasions. Luckily, the unsavory smudges wipe right off my bathroom marker. The stench, not so much.”

And Alyson from Waltham, MA was so thrilled to have her friends stop crapping in her potted plants that she left this flowery feedback: Thanks so much!! I absolutely love it!! My house plants thank you from the bottom of their rooty hearts. It’s the perfect size, too!

Possibly only one of those are real.

All you have to do is comment here on this entry and make sure you leave a valid email address. The winner will be chosen at random using random.org.

The winner gets one custom plaque, in the style of their choosing (boy/girl or little monster guy) and any background color.

The choices for the title are:

• poo parlor
• craporium
• crapper
• the loo
• the john
• holy shitter
• chamber pot
• privy
• commode
• toilette
• the can
• your own endearing custom title

Commenting is open right now and ends Sunday  1/17  at noon EST.

(For people reading this via a feed, this includes LiveJournal and Facebook,  CLICK HERE TO ENTER.)

Hello to the hoi polloi.  I was lamenting the fact that my fridge isn’t peppered with amazingly tacky magnets. But getting magnets as gifts makes them so much cooler. And then I thought, “I wonder if I posted a Magnet Casting Call, if anyone out there would actually send me one.” Probably not, but let’s try anyway. Each magnet will get blogged about. You will be famous. Not really. But your magnet might.

If you want to placate me by sending me a magnet (and it doesn’t have to be new!), email me for my address. butgavincantdance [at] gmail [dot] com, boooooy-eeeez. I’ll even make it into a contest, somehow, if enough people play.

In other My Blog Is Broke news, my email notifications still aren’t being sent (read: Henry is too “busy” to look into it and I’m too blog-dumbz0rz). I feel bad about it because some people have asked me if I purposely blocked them, and that’s not the case at all. I would never do that. Unless you’re a Flyers fan. (Kidding. I’m desperate for blog readers so even Flyers fans are embraced luke-warmly.

) No one is getting notified when I post, which might even be a blessing for some! In fact, the LiveJournal feed that I have for this blog is about a week behind for some reason.

Also, I’ve been asked a few times recently from people who use Blogger how they can blogroll me since I’m on WordPress. My answer to that is a bevy of multi-colored question marks undulating above my head. I have no idea. If anyone out there is WordPress savvy and knows the answers to my blogging salvation, please – send help. And quickly.

In the meantime, since subscribing does nothing right now, I would suggest either following my RSS feed by clicking on that handy green RSS button under my header and to the right. Or, if you’re on Facebook, subscribe to my blog there!