Plans shifted and instead of going to Green Bay today, we decided instead to change the route and go to Indiana Beach in Indiana. This put us closer to home and there are two “new” coasters there since we last visited (2022 I think?). These pictures are from somewhere in Indiana after we left the park.

Full recap another day, but I will say that I made it all week until today before my period started and I had awful cramps the whole time we were at Indiana Beach. I’m so glad it happened today though and not on one of the super hot days, especially not the Silver Dollar City day because that day was already slightly miserable and ugh, if I had crippling cramps on top of that??!! We probably would have started our return trip home that day, tbh.

We left Indiana Beach around 5:00 and Henry found maybe the WORST restaurant in the area for us to have dinner before starting the drive home. It was called HARVEST TIME and if the FISHY FRIED GREASE stench in the parking lot wasn’t enough to deter us, the non-HEINZ ketchup bottle on the table should have been the last straw.

Chooch and I both got a grilled cheese with tomato and fries. I got mine on rye bread and I suppose that’s what was served to me because it looked slightly different than Chooch’s but tasted like no rye I have ever known. And you know it’s bad when Chooch agrees with me on anything but we both hated our food. I have never had such dry grilled cheese!! It was like they toasted the bread in a toaster and laid the cheese on it afterward – sooo dry and not even partially melted. Not even a CORNER of the cheese was soft.

And the fries were dry with no taste. Bad coffee too.

I was really mad about this and declared that Henry is banned from choosing restaurants from now on.

(I should note that this travesty occurred because MR HAPPY BURGER IS PERMANENTLY CLOSED AS OF LAST YEAR – I could fucking cry  I’m so glad I have that French fry wrapper framed!!!!)

Anyway, it’s 10:17pm and we’re just now passing Columbus. I can’t wait to go home and see Penelope. <3

We spent my birthday evening at Arnold’s Park on Lake Okoboj, as previously reported. I bought this magnet and the old white man I purchased it from held it up to his face, squinted, and said, “This is missing something. Ahh! It’s missing TRUMP sitting there!”

Pal, only if he was buried head first in the sand would I want that. Gimme my fucking magnet.

We had just been observing that day too how nice it was that we weren’t bombarded with TRUMP paraphernalia throughout Iowa like we had been in Missouri. Not even a single Trump yard sign or billboard – it was so cleansing on the eyeballs.

And then that happened. I actually wasn’t even sure if that was what he said initially because I had let my guard down the whole time we were in Iowa. Branson? Would not have been fazed. But I was very taken aback and actually wish I had walked out without the magnet but I already paid for the fucking thing. Of course, this morning we went back to the Okoboji Welcome Center and I found a much better magnet so maybe I’ll “write a picture” of an expired Trump on this one, cankles jutting out of the sand.

Today is my birthday and out of everything that happened today, here is my absolute favorite:

At Arnold’s Park earlier tonight, we were sitting down at a table, eating. Chooch had cheese fries and Henry and I both had small personal pan pizzas, in a box. I was bitching because no one brought over napkins so Henry got up to fetch some, obedient dog he is. Literally AS SOON as he walked away, Chooch swept his arm out and accidentally knocked over Henry’s TALL cup of Diet Coke, which had NO LID.

Coke flooded all into his pizza box, completely drenching his slices – and mind you this was AFTER Chooch helped himself to one and Henry hadn’t had ANY yet. I was initially mad because I thought it got on my shoes (they’re new Vans!!) but once I realized it was fine, I started cracking up and then Chooch started cracking up and then Henry came back to the table, saw what happened, and was…decidedly NOT cracking up lol. Chooch goes, “I’m sorry. But it’s your fault for not putting the lid on! Here, I’ll eat the one they got the most Coke on it” so now Henry was left with only two slices of pizza and nothing to drink.

LOL

Flash forward to about three hours later. We’re at our hotel (Okoboji Inn) and there is drama because our room is a king with a sofa bed. Chooch is too big for the sofa bed so the nice woman at the front desk brought up a roll-away bed for him.

Of course, this one was also problematic for our little Princess and the Pea. He was jostling all around on it, squeaking the springs and bitching up a storm.

“I’d rather just sleep on the floor at this point!” he cried, so Henry suggested that he move the mattress to the sofa bed since it was the bed frame that was causing his discomfort. Henry of course had to set down the can of beer he treated himself to at the gas station after we left Arnold’s Park and help him because Chooch is my son and we contribute the bare minimum to these things. In the process of this hectic maneuvering, Henry turned around and yelled, “Aw goddammit my beer spilled!”

I honestly almost peed my pants, and then Chooch was cracking up too which made me laugh harder, back and forth. We feed off each other’s giddiness!

“You have literally spilled everything I had today!” Henry cried from the bathroom, like calm down bro let’s not be hyperbolic here.

I guess when you have had 46 birthdays, dumb things like this become highlights.

ETA: I was just reliving this moment with Chooch and he said, “His beer didn’t just accidentally spill. It spilled because I threw a pillow at him.” EVEN BETTER.

Hello from a new-to-us state! I don’t know why but going to Iowa was one of the  things I was most excited about when planning this trip. Just because, why Iowa, you know? Like, who goes to Iowa for vacation. But it just so happens that there are some cool amusement parks here!

Anyway, we spent most of the day at World of Fun in Kansas City, Missouri after checking out the NOT-Victorian in Branson. It was another hotter than Hell day. 95 degrees I think but the “feels like” was 108. It felt every bit that hot too.

We left there around 5:30, (they closed at 7:00 but we had already done everything we needed to do, plus get re-rides our faves) and stopped at ZOMBIE BURGER in Des Moines. We made it there around 8:15 and I’ll be so for real here, it wasn’t all that – just a gimmicky place capitalizing off of horror by decorating with zombie art and naming the food after horror movies. But I buy into that shit, PLUS they had a veg section. I had homed in the Negan burger, which was the Zombie Burger’s own veggie nut burger and that sounded fantastic plus, NEGAN.

“I hope they actually have it, or I’ll cry,” I said, because, tragically, “Sorry, we don’t have that anymore” follows me from restaurant to restaurant.

“HOW?” Chooch dead-panned. “Do you even have anything left? You’ve been crying all day.”

Wow. He is such a good son. The best boy.

Anyway, YES THEY DID HAVE IT.

Henry got a beer and I had some sips. It was a WarPigs Foggy Geezer IPA. I created a monster with him and IPAs. Bro, branch out a little.

The Negan! It was good – my favorite part was actually the bun. It was very soft and fluffy and I enjoyed it very much, thank you for asking, omg you’re too kind but no I don’t think I’ll be starting a bun-reviewing periodical at this time.

Bathroom graffiti.

Decor was really on point.

Oddly, a baseball game was on the TVs at the bar – if I’m going to a zombie-themed eatery, I’m expecting zombie classics playing on a loop. But cook on with your baseball game, I guess.

Afterwards, I didn’t want to immediately go to the hotel. We’ve  never been in Des Moines before and I wanted to see some of it! Henry signed and drove toward the river at my command. There was parking along the bridge! So we did that and Henry thought I was just going to get out and take a quick picture but turned into, “Let’s just walk to the edge of the bridge and back” which then bled into, “I want to just walk a block down there and get a picture of that sign.”

“The TRAVELERS SIGN?” Chooch scoffed in a who cares tone.

“Yeah, I like it,” I shouted back. LET. ME. LIVE.

We saw whatever the fuck this is on the way, and the CASEYS CENTER – a venue named after Henry’s new favorite gas station that he has stopped at a hundred times on this trip so far. Also, there was a baseball stadium with a game happening and Chooch found out it was their minor league team, Cubs. I wanted it to be the Cornstalks.

Come on, it was a cool sign!

I didn’t look to see what this is, I assume an art museum or something.

After walking back on the other side of the bridge, I determined I was satisfied and that we could go. But then I saw what HAD to have been the Capitol Building peeking out in the distance. I SCREAMED when Henry got onto the highway because I thought he understood by my cries of childlike wonder that I wanted to get CLOSER to the Capitol. So, he muttered under his breath and veered off onto a ramp back into the downtown area. Yayayayayayay!

Oh, and I should mention that there was a wicked lightning storm happening, which got way worse and has since turned into a storm-storm as I sit here in the hotel writing this.

I just really thought this was so beautiful and am so happy that we got to see it at night!

This is the Iowa Soldiers and Sailors Monument a/k/a “Iowa’s Most Scandalous Statue”:

LOL – this is on Roadside America so I was stoked to get to mark another idiotic thing as “been there.”

So, that part of the night was very nice – I like when we get a chance to actually see parts of the cities we visit for roller coasters, especially because I can’t foresee any other reason that would have brought me there. And from what I saw, Des Moines is beautiful!

Then the night took a turn when we drive the 15 minutes to Altoona Iowa to check into our hotel, which ended up being a Best Western directly across from Adventureland with a ton of truckers parked in the lot and the area was just bad vibes all around. When Chooch and I  were waiting for the elevator, one of the aforementioned truckers  walked past and mumbled, “Welcome to the shit hole” to us. WTF.

Then we got to our floor and some weird child-thing came slithering out of its room at the same time as someone from the floor above took off running back and forth and then as soon as we opened the door to our room, there was maniacal pounding from the room above.

“Nope,” I said and walked right on out. Henry was in the hallway at this point and I said, “I’m not staying here,” as I walked past him to the elevator. Just felt it in my gut. The trucker’s ominous non-greeting, the stampeding, the blah room. I couldn’t do it. Not on the eve of my birthday. This of course resulted in a big argument in the car, but now we are ready for bed in a nice, clean, reputable Hilton:

Sory. But sometimes I need to be fucking spoiled, and I don’t care. I wasn’t sleeping in that other place. And for as much as we harped on Henry over the Branson hotel, that one was clean and quiet at least. No frills at all but we slept well and it legit felt like we were the only ones there. Not a peep from the other rooms.

I don’t know what the plan is for tomorrow. The weather looks iffy – storms and rain. Not sure if the park will even be open. If it’s still lightning the way it is tonight, I don’t know what we will end up doing. :/

Shit, son, am I getting too old for this or what? We’re only on Day 3 and I am so depleted lol. Granted it’s been 95 degrees every day and we have been at amusement parks aka pavement tundras. Today was Silver Dollar City and it was a long ass motherfucking day. Mostly good but there were some low lights as to be expected with long and humid days navigating crowds (actually wasn’t crowded though) and hunger. A ton of memorable moments though that will probably become long-lasting inside jokes of course – I laughed so hard at one point that it felt like I damaged something internally.

One of the last things we did before calling it a night was have Chooch take pictures of us in front of VICTOR THE BULL, downtown Branson.

You’re welcome ;)

Bonus: here’s a picture before we went to SDC, from a “scenic outlook” which was anything but?!

Random jean skirt?!

Meanwhile, we were joking that even at the scenic overview, there was a huge billboard for Dolly Parton’s Stampede. It is legit everywhere you look around here.

Even the elevator door at our dumb hotel that chooch and I hate but Henry loves. We’re annoyed because there is a really beautiful hotel called HOTEL VICTORIAN at the top of the hill but Henry was too cheap to let us stay there. So Chooch’s response to everything is, “I bet THE VICTORIAN has [insert something our hotel doesn’t have].”

Last night, we walked up the road to get to the main drag so Chooch could get some stupid +1 coaster cred at one of the many family fun zones here. It’s a pretty steep grade and Chooch huffed, “We wouldn’t have to walk up a hill if we stayed at the VICTORIAN.”

Then this morning, he said, “I’m opening the window so everyone at the VICTORIAN can look down on us.”

Dude you guys were fucking delirious at this point, lol.

We just stopped at the Arch on our way to Six Flags – the first time I saw it IRL was at night when we drove past it en route to Silver Dollar City. Even then it was horrifying to me. Being up close at its base was even scarier!

Please enjoy these pictures. We didn’t do the tour because we don’t have enough time but being there was enough for me, tbh!

9:17am: we’re almost to Ohio, just stopped at Sheetz in WV for breakfast foods and Henry is mad because I always get a fruit cup and then pick around the fruit I don’t like and try to pass it onto him while he’s driving because I can never get the lid back on and he screamed IF WE END UP IN THE HOSPITAL ONE DAY ITS GOING TO BE BECAUSE OF THIS!!! and angrily shook the fruit cup then passed it off to Chooch in the backseat. “You do this! I can’t do this while driving 70mph!” And then Chooch was crying about “why can’t she do it??!!” Meanwhile I was laughing so hard I almost choked.

Then Chooch was bitching about Henry leaving trash (specifically candy wrappers) in the side of car door. Then Henry turned around and put his breakfast trash in the empty Sheetz bag next to Chooch, which made Chooch deadpan, “wow. I’m surprised you didn’t shove that into the car door. Muscle memory” and I lost it.

You guys, these road trips are chaos but I freaking treasure them lol.

Oh also we were listening to the Kpop Demon Hunter soundtrack and I burst into tears. “This song makes me cry,” I shakily laughed, dabbing my eyes with a napkin lol ugh.

9:42am: I’m mad that Henry doesn’t have a military ID thing because he could be getting mad discounts at parks but he is now mansplaining this to me. He legit just said “I’m pretty sure they took that from me when I left” and I said, “I believe the word is CONFISCATED. They CONFISCATED your ID because you went AWOL and had a dishonorable discharge.”

He’s done talking about this now, suddenly.

Chooch, telling me, “you’re so annoying! You’re actually so annoying!”

Oh yeah I forgot he was also bitching as soon as we left this morning because I always have to get a full birthday week when everyone else gets a day. Well, when you’re forced to take birthday matters into your own hands because no one else cares, you too can drag it out for a week. More if you want! Go hog wild, honey bear.

11:02am: LETS JUST STOP, DROP EVERYTHING because Henry just admitted that the classic 2005 Chiodos track “Baby, You Wouldn’t Last a Minute on the Creek” is ICONIC.

12:46pm: KENTUCKY!

1:05pm: I just had the most satisfying pee of my life at a rest stop after chugging a liter of water. Ahhh. Henry and Chooch were grateful for this update so I thought you might also appreciate it, Blog.

1:41pm: Just left Love’s and Henry is being a big bitch baby because we apparently “rushed” him out so he didn’t get any food for himself and is being a huge martyr about it like look at Henry, willing to STARVE in order to get his family to the amusement park faster. Get over yourself! It’s not like I’m dining on a lavish lunch – I got a protein bar and a Cracker Barrel cheese and cracker thing. Thanks, Loves.

Also I wanted everyone in that place to get the fuck away from me. Welcome to Kentucky.

Lol Henry gets to buy the old person ticket at Beech Bend, love this for him.

3:02om: Just left RaceTrac whatever that is where Chooch made Henry buy an air freshener for the car so now there is strong stench of vanilla wafting through this bitch.

Anyway, obligatory bathroom selfie:

And an extravagant froyo section:

3:17pm: Lots of bickering later, we made it to Bowling Green! 12 minutes to Beech Bend Park from here.

3:52pm We’re in line for our second coaster! Will probably do a full recap tomorrow but here’s us!

I highkey love it here already.

6:15pm: Just left! They close at 7 but we got to do everything we wanted. I forgot that we’re in Central time so we actually got here at 3:30. We didn’t fight at all! It was delightful and I will definitely be posting about it separately probably tomorrow.

The downside is that it’s about 90 degrees and blazing sun – there was very little shade there.

We’re at Farm Boy in Morgantown KY after pulling into the lot of KUNTRY KITCHEN and leaving bc it looked sketch but now I wish we had stayed because this place is creepy but at least our waitress is super nice. We tried to order breakfast though and she got the ALAMO TOUR GUIDE tone real quick when she said they stop serving breakfast after 11 on weekends.

Chooch and I had to order grilled cheese from the kids and senior menu.

7:11pm: Chooch literally has no idea what parks we’re going to and just realized we’re going to be gone for a week and probably didn’t pack enough. He’s so annoyed lol.

Also the waitress seemed like she was trying to suppress her “taken aback-ness” at my request for tomato on my grilled cheese. Is that not common in Kentucky?!

7:28pm: Ugh one of the reasons we left KUNTry Kitchen was because some creepy old guy was slithering through the parking lot and I said, “oh hell no I don’t want to eat with that guy” and Chooch was like, “you’re so judgmental” but seriously ugh.

Then Henry just started laughing and I was like WHAT and he was like “look at who is sitting over my the door” and ITS HIM ugh. Chooch was cracking up – he has actually sort of letting himself laugh these days lol.

7:36pm:

Omg now he’s sitting outside talking to himself lol.

8:27pm: Some bridge over the Ohio River, now we’re in Indiana I guess.

Ugh:

Indiana Michigan Power apparently.

10:25pm: In bed at whatever Super 8 this is in Evansville IL apparently. I don’t understand geography so I don’t know how Illinois factors in.

The lady at the front desk told me she liked my shirt and turns out she likes Pierce the Veil. “I like my music angry so I don’t have to be” so said and then just kept going with the bit and it was starting to get unhinged.

Then the key didn’t work while Henry was out in the car so I thought he gave me the wrong room # and I kept calling him repeatedly and the dumb fuck wouldn’t answer so then Chooch and I just stood in the hallway listening to the screechy sounds of our temporary neighbors and I am not happy right now.

(Yes it was the right room and miraculously the key worked as soon as Henry got off the elevator and joined us. Ugh.)

Good night!!!