I set my alarm extra early this morning in preparation for this but even with all the teasers last week, could us Taemints ever really be prepared?

DO THOSE SNAKES EVEN KNOW HOW LUCKY THEY ARE?

Taemin’s voice is like the fog that covers the road on a late October night while you’re driving with a date through the woods to a haunted hayride. THAT IS A BIG MOOD.

So, Taemin’s comeback was today and G-Dragon updated his Instagram for the first time since enlisting in the military a year ago and I am expected to go to work today and act like a sane person through all of this OH OK. Just… don’t talk to me today unless it’s about this. I’m a mess.

In an effort to pay more attention to my side business, I thought it would be fun to write a little DID YOU KNOW type of informative thing for all those people who land on my blog during their after-hours Internet searching of “Marilyn Chambers Porn” or “Golden Girls valentines” or “Ted Bundy birthday card” because those people are out there and I love them!

• DID YOU KNOW that I started making serial killer Christmas cards in 2006 because I signed up for some Xmas card exchange on LiveJournal and thought it would be a hilarious way to combat all the Thomas Kinkaide / Hallmark bullshit cards everyone else was going to send. I made every card by hand, literally cutting and pasting serial killer faces onto black cardstock and handwriting all the sentiments in the silver paint pen. They turned out to be a big hit with my LJ-muffins and some of them suggested that I try selling them on Etsy. I already had one for my paintings, so I began listing them there and eventually created a separate shop just for them. 13 years later and here we are!

• DID YOU KNOW that “non compos” is taken from the Latin phrase “non compos mentis” which means unsound mind. So, unsound, or “not right” cards. The shop I had for paintings was also Latin-inspired: Somnambulant. I took Latin for three years in high school and absolutely hated it, but I am super contrary, so…
• DID YOU KNOW that a few years ago some big jerk stole a bunch of my images from Etsy and slapped his own logo on them and then got alllllllll sorts of acclaim from his followers on Facebook? It was awful and his response to being called out by me and my friends was to threaten and harass and then ultimately block us. Facebook actually responded to all of the reports and made him take everything down so that was nice. Thanks, Facebook. I still don’t regret leaving you though.
• DID YOU KNOW that all of our cards are made to order? We tried once to build up stock based on our best sellers but then that was the ultimate kiss of death for those cards and sales dropped, lol. So now each card is printed and assembled when ordered. It’s not the best set-up during our busy season (November-February) but maybe in another 10 years we’ll have a better system hammered out, haha.
• DID YOU KNOW that my most-viewed card on Etsy is a Valentine featuring vintage porn star Long Dong Silver?
• DID YOU KNOW I’m working on a collection of cult leader cards? Right now I only have a Jim Jones birthday card (comes with a packet of Kool Aid!) and a brand new David Koresh birthday card, but I’m hoping to have an entire set of mini Valentines for next year!

It’s lit fam.

• DID YOU KNOW that G.G. Allin’s brother requested a custom order from me a few years ago? It was a John Wayne Gacy wedding card for the bassist in his band. I was so excited about this but all my co-workers were like, “G.G. who?” And then a bunch of NSFW websites were ultimately viewed.
• DID YOU KNOW that the worst feedback I ever got on Etsy was from someone who was upset that I included “too many free things.” This was back when I was part of the Etsy Dark Side street team and we would do this fun business card swaps so that we could promote other members’ shops by including some of their business cards in with our orders. So I would often include 3-4 business cards/shop coupons/samples with orders and assumed people liked it but at least one person DID NOT and made sure to let me know that. Don’t worry–I only include one business card now and it’s my own.
• DID YOU KNOW that I really care about my customers and will go above and beyond (much to Henry’s chagrin) to accommodate people. When that results in good feedback, I feel so proud!

• DID YOU KNOW that I started making Kpop greeting cards in 2017, but then one time last winter, my dumb business partner HENRY THE MANSERVANT accidentally swapped two orders which would be a harmless mixup with an easy fix if it had been two serial killer cards but NO IT WAS A SERIAL KILLER CARD AND A KPOP CARD so at least ONE PERSON in that situation was extremely upset because she bought a BTS birthday card for her daughter and instead received a card talking about putting someone’s head on a stick and I felt like such a fucking asshole about that. The person who was supposed to receive that card (Ed Kemper Valentine, btw) was much less angry and happily accepted my offer to send a replacement but the other person was like get away from me, Satan. So that is how my second greeting card shop, Hello Hanguk, was born! No more mix-ups. #BlameHenry

Well, I think that’s about all for this edition. Check out non compos cards and Hello Hanguk for all your serial killer/porn/Golden Girls/The Cure and Kpop needs!

I have had so much to say but so little time! Most evenings, I’m too caught up in exercise/roller coaster videos/k-dramas to focus on blogging.

#EXCUSESOLDASTIME

But I do enjoy blasting out these bulletpoint thought collectives and I hope that’s OK.

So here’s a recap of WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING ASIDE FROM BREATHING.

• I mean, making cards obviously. So far this V-day season, we have done double the amount we did last year! I am so humbled that there are people out there who like my designs, I don’t know if that will ever stop surprising me, especially since I have been making them for so long but only started selling a significant amount over the last several years.  This year, the Golden Girls set has nearly surpassed the serial killers, with The Cure set following close behind, and I have plans to add other pop-culture Valentine sets for next year!  Also, we learned A LOT from last year, mostly that we were woefully unprepared for the explosion of sales we saw. I thought we were going to get an imaginary divorce from our fake marriage, that’s how much stress-quarreling we did. But this season, Henry stocked up on the paper we use (it’s real good quality and we order it from a paper company online, so if we run out, we can’t just like, run to Staples and buy something comparable), hooked up an old printer to use just for printing shipping labels, and then bought a THIRD printer so now he can print cards on two printers at once and things have been running so much smoother. Chooch has taken an interest in assembling all of the little sets (he just likes using a stapler I think) and I am on packaging patrol, so we have a veritable assembly line going on in our dining room. It’s actually kind of satisfying!
• Last Sunday, it occurred to me that I was supposed to have had plans the day before with two friends, but I forgot, and they both either forgot as well or just felt relieved that I forgot and kept their mouths shut in hopes that I wouldn’t suddenly remember and send a text. So, we’re all either totally scatterbrained or I have less friends than I thought I had, lolol. I have plans tomorrow with  two different friends so hopefully that date pans out or my self-awareness might actually slather me with jam and consume me.
• • Literally right after I typed all of that, the friends for tomorrow both texted to confirm plans so we’re already one step ahead! I hope plans don’t fall through because we’re meeting at Pamela’s for breakfast and I am HUNGRY FOR BLUEBERRY HOTCAKES.

• I was trying to convince myself that Monday was going to be a GREAT DAY so I wore this happy stars print blouse, a hot pink fun fur coat, and my favorite fake-teeth cameo. It…..didn’t work but I still thought it looked cool SO TOO BAD.
• So, I have been doing Gospel Aerobics again just for the LOLs and I’ll tell you what, no matter how shitty of a day I might be having,  even just spending 15 minutes with Paul Eugene and his totally adorable enthusiasm and spirited grunting can totally turn my day around.  I was burning off some steam before it was Jillian Michaels Time (I have a lot of energy,  and that’s not always a great thing) Monday evening, and I just became absolutely struck with the Giggles.  I couldn’t hold it in any longer, I had this Big Ass WHOOOOOO bubbling up inside of me and it needed to be released. So I whipped open the front door just as some man was jogging past and I let rip the most gutteral WHOOOOOO from my lungs and before I had the chance to fully enjoy the echo of it ricocheting off the houses as it bounced down the street, I drop-rolled back into the house, leaving Henry–who was alone on the front porch taking out the garbage–look like the main WHOOO culprit. He was not amused, but I was rocking back and forth, holding my knees into my chest, laughing until I was crying. Chooch mumbled from the other room that I was so embarrassing and I was like WHATEVER YOUR FRIENDS WISH THEY HAD A MOM LIKE ME.

• Ugh, Thursday morning was so gross. First I had to call the bank and then I had to go to the post office after riding downtown on the trolley which is usually OK but on my late shift days, the normal trolley clientele is completely different and unruly and I ended up sitting behind a white trash mom and daughter who were SCREAMING to each other about detox and counselors and blah blah blah so I then I craned my neck a bit to see what they were reading and it was a form from their COCAINE GROUP. And is it weird that my first reaction was, “Wow, people still do cocaine?” I never hear about it anymore!
• • Anyway, speaking of cocaine, the whole bank thing was annoying because I had an IRA that matured at the end of January and so I called the bank around that time and said, “I don’t want to roll this over. How can I cash it in?” and yes, I know, it’s good to have these things but I have this one for-fucking-ever, it’s under $1000, and I make like less than a quarter on it every year. Normally I would just let it roll over and not think twice, but we are getting our monies in order for our next Korea trip and I thought it would be nice to have a little extra spending money. Anyway, now that I justified my motives to strangers on the internet, this broad at the bank was like “I can just move it into your checking acct.” Wow, that seemed easy. So I asked, “It’s that easy?” She said yes. So then around 2 weeks go by and that money is still showing up as an IRA. This time I went to a branch downtown and they were like, “Duh….um, durrrr…..this says that the IRA rolled over and has a new date of 1/23/2021.” and said that the branch manager would call me the next day. HE NEVER DID. So I had to call HIM which is annoying and he was like WE CAN’T DO THAT ON THE PHONE THERE ARE FORMS YOU HAVE TO SIGN and I was like THAT IS WHAT I THOUGHT, DAVE FROM THE BANK. Like, I do know some things. So then he was like, “what do you need the money for?” COCAINE, DAVE. LOTS OF FUCKING COCAINE TO STICK UP MY NOSE ON THE TIP OF MY SILVER PINKY FINGER NAIL. Like really dude? OK I get that he was probably just wanting me to say something like, “I am going to use it to buy lots of Flex Seal to patch the holes on my shanty, Dave” so then he could try to instead talk me into a loan. My response was a bratty, “I just want to have it.” Anyway, he had to call the IRA department to see what could be done and guess what Princess Erin got her way and he was able to waive the penalty and GIVE ME MY FUCKING MONEY. But of course I had to go to the branch and sign the forms and it was RAINING that day and my umbrella is half-broken and a total embarrassment (like me when I scream out of the front door at random joggers).  Ugh, I felt like Thursday was so full of adult things, and it was gross. I need to go to an amusement park like now.
• • • Maybe I should use my newly acquired, insidious bounty to buy a new umbrella.
• • • Also, I was knocked off my self-righteous high horse of thinking that this was entirely the bank’s fault because when I was on the phone with Dave, I asked snidely, “Isn’t there a log of me calling that day!?” and he said yes, and that there was also an outbound call from the next day, to which I said teenagarily, “Well, I didn’t get a call.” But then I went and checked my voicemails and you guys, shit goddamn fuck, someone DID call me the next day and left a message for me so I guess somewhere along the way, someone realized they DONE FUCKED UP when they approved my IRA-cash out via telephone, and they tried to rectify it the next day, probably with the intention of telling me that I had to go to a branch and sign forms, and then when I didn’t call back (because I never answer my phone/check voicemail; I’m a phone hermit) the window of maturation expired and my IRA rolled over.
• • • • YEAH BUT THEY FUCKED UP FIRST!!!
• • • While I signed the forms, Dave gave me a lecture (for the second time that day) about why IRAs are important and good to have and I was like, “Yes, I know, DAVE. But a plane ticket to Korea is ALSO GOOD TO HAVE.”
• • • • FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

• Pittsburgh looked like a horror movie set earlier this week and I was loving it. Was not loving coming back to work from my lunch break walk looking like I went to the salon asking for the Ms. Frizzle style.
• Hey speaking of horror movies, my work friend Cathy excitedly came to my desk the other day to tell me that she started watching a new show on Netflix that just happens to be a South Korean drama and I screamed, “IS IT KINGDOM?!” and it is! I’m so geeked that I finally have someone at work to talk to about a k-drama!!!! Also, Glenn said he’s interested in watching it because it’s about zombies and he was relieved when I told him that there’s an option to watch it dubbed but I don’t know why anyone would choose that option other than losers like Glenn. Actually, when I started watching it, it defaulted to dubbed and I freaked out, yelling about, “I CAN’T WATCH THIS IF IT’S IN ENGLISH, HENRY!!” so he had to frantically fix it for me before I went on another one of my daily America bashing rants.
• I texted Boss Amber, who had a baby and abandoned us but whatever, to give her this update and she was like WHAT DID YOU DO TO CATHY but this was not my doing for once! Amber is going to come back from maternity leave and find a lightstick collection and pictures of biases on Cathy’s desk because it all starts with ONE kdrama/Kpop song/bitchin’ bowl of bibimbap.

• That stupid Babe Cave had their grand opening last weekend and I already can’t wait for this hideous establishment to close.
• I love watching theme park vlogs on YouTube but then I inevitably run into the obligatory ROLLER COASTER TRAGEDY in my feed, lose all feeling in my extremities and the ability to stop myself from freely peeing, dry heave a little, and then swear off coasters until the next day.
• Chooch: what is that thing you say when someone dies? My prayers are in your hands?
• • Yes, that’s what people say. Say that.

Well, on that note, I’m going to sign off and go back to micromanaging my employees at the Pioneer Ave. Printing Press.

I was really happy with the positive response and support my “health talk” blog post received a few weeks ago! Thanks to everyone who reached out — I hope it generated some motivation for those looking for it!

Since it’s been a little over a month since I convinced Chooch to jump on my (resistance)bandwagon, I thought it would be a good time to check in and update our progress.

First of all, I am so proud of Chooch! He has been kicking ass at these Jillian Michaels Body Revolution workouts and has been super thoughtful about what he chooses to eat. We’ve had some great talks about nutrition with daily reminders that it’s not about the number on the scale. (With me trying to practice what I preach, sigh.) Yes, he has lost seven pounds, but more importantly, he is feeling healthier and has told me numerous times that he LOOKS FORWARD TO WORKING OUT. Every day I am like, “look child let us not forget that this about your weight” and he is like “yeah I know but I like weighing myself; it’s fun.”

….said no one other than my son.

Look, you can ask Janna (lol I’ll give you her number)–when I stepped in and made Chooch do this, I wondered if I was a bad parent, if I was toeing the line of fat-shaming or being too pageant mom. I didn’t want to give him a complex like I wound up inheriting from my weight-obsessed childhood. I tried to do this very carefully, by assuring him that there was nothing “wrong” with him but that I worried he was setting the tone for the rest of his life. I think we all know how fucking hard it is to change our diets and lifestyles as an adult! I just wanted him to get a head start, to learn all the things that I wish I took more seriously back then, like, I don’t know, PORTION CONTROL.

VEGETABLES.

TAKING DAILY WALKS TO BATTLE DEPRESSION.

GETTING A COLLEGE DEGREE.

Wait—what was this post about again?

So basically, Chooch eats the same thing I have for dinner – tons of vegetables, an egg, either rice or noodles, sometimes some mock-meat or tofu.

Here’s an example from the weekend. Egg, sweet potatoes, okra, pumpkin, and carrots with noodles buried under that produce treasure chest. I am an excellent food photographer.

(There actually is an Erin Kelly in Pgh who takes food photos for several local publications and people are always tagging me those Instagram posts like IS THIS YOU and I am like WOULD I DO SOMETHING SO NORMAL THO.)

And we no longer rely on school lunches, which was actually his request anyway, because their “vegetarian” option was typically an UNCRUSTABLE. Seriously, school?? The last (hopefully reusable plastic) straw for him was when he was nearly made amends with one of the lunch ladies he’s had a long-running feud with; he was wearing his Hamilton shirt so she started talking to him about it and said she was going to see it that week and he was like great can I have a PB&J and she was like sorry we’re out and he was like cool back to hating the lunch lady.

So I have been making his lunch for him every day, which is something he hasn’t asked me for since he was LITTLE so it’s been fun doing an actual Mom Thing! He keeps raving about the sandwiches I make him with veggie deli meat because he just loves the crunchy carrot slivers I add to it but the best part of that is it’s actually raw strips of butternut squash which is a veg that he insists he hates HAHAHA.

The other day, he offhandedly said to me, “You know, even though I’m a diet, I don’t feel hungry at all!” That’s because he’s not on a diet! We are not counting calories or doing any extreme restrictions – we’re just making sure he’s getting more balanced meals instead of just shoving a fake chicken patty at him with a side of tater tots.

But it’s the exercising too. He has been developing some muscle and is obsessed with feeling up his arms, lol. There has not been one day when I have had to force him to exercise with me. He told me he actually looks forward to it! It’s because we finally found a routine that he likes, and if you read my previous health talk post, this was a big thing I brought up: FIND EXERCISE THAT YOU LIKE! As long as you are moving, that’s really half the battle. There is no sense in doing some crazy P90X thing if you’re feeling miserable, unmotivated, and just all-around dreading it. That’s when you start making excuses! This Jillian Michaels routine is actually something that I tried in the past and just honestly didn’t do regularly enough because I couldn’t commit. But having a workout partner really does hold me accountable and I find that I actually look forward to it, even after working all day.

(But I’ll tell you, even when we’re doing brutal burpees or plank-ups, he never stops talking. Like bruh, how u have so much to say in those 30 minutes? Save it for later! ALONG WITH YOUR FARTS. Ugh.)

Chooch is in competition with Omar there on the left. We know all their names and have our favorites and ones who make us cringe. I really like Mimi and Natalie, FYI.

We are currently on Phase 2 of the program, which means we have advanced to Cardio 2 and Circuit Training levels 5 & 6. It sucks, but we do it diligently. We even woke up early on the day we went to Toronto so we could do our cardio since we the next full day in Canada was going to be our rest day.

I have been very careful not to nag him or pressure him, and it’s just kind of like a routine by now. He doesn’t complain and he doesn’t give up. He has seen the positive changes this has brought to his life and he likes it!

He’s still allowed to play his dumb games but now it’s more of a reward, like a means of relaxation for him.

Also, all credit goes to me, and none to Henry.

Anyway, I will check back in probably sometime next month, after we make it to Phase 3!

By now you know that we only went to Toronto because of the Winner concert, maybe because you know me IRL and have heard me freaking out about it for a month, or maybe because I referenced it in nearly every blog post since buying tickets, so it is now that time in my nauseating travel recaps where I discuss said concert.

IT WAS AWESOME.

Winner is a group on YG Entertainment, which is also BIGBANG’s agency. When I first saw a Winner video a few years ago, I couldn’t help but have a knee-jerk “OK there little BIGBANG” reaction. And maybe that’s originally what YG wanted, but let me tell you, these groups are nothing alike.

They’re made up of four talented visual princes: Yoon, Hoony, Jinu (my bias!), and Mino (arguably the best Korean rapper). Most of their songs have a very distinct Winner-sound to them – tropical, upbeat, catchier than a stomach bug in a small office.

It was their track “Really, Really” that initially hooked me, though “Sentimental” was the first Winner song I ever heard and I admittedly did not care for it (so of course that’s Henry’s favorite!).

From there, I just kept liking them more and more with every comeback, and their last one in December (for “Millions”) was enough for me to make a very impulsive splurge on tickets to their Toronto concert on a night when I was feeling particularly sorry for myself because I was going through a TOOTH TRAGEDY.

Henry was not exactly thrilled with this turn of events because all the details always fall on his shoulders (things like booking hotels, figuring out transportation, wondering CAN WE AFFORD IT), but he didn’t say NO, either.

My favorite part was when I thought I used Paypal credit to buy the tickets but then the next morning, Henry texted me and was like “HI YOUR PRECIOUS TICKETS CAME OUT OF THE CHECKING ACCOUNT HOPE YOU LIKE DISCOUNT BAKED BEANS BECAUSE THATS WHAT WE’RE LIVING OFF OF UNTIL NEXT PAYDAY.”

Lol.

Being Kpop trash is expensive, you guys.

Finally, the night of the concert was here and it felt like an Olympic ping pong match was being held within my stomach walls. I get so nervous before concerts! Especially when I haven’t been to the venue before, and it was my first time at the Sony Performing Arts Center.

Papa H dropped us off across the street from it, moments after the doors opened, so we slid easily right into the steady-moving line. Winner street team members gave us banners to hold up during the encore, and blue finger lights which was really nice because we didn’t have the official Winner light stick.

(KPOP LESSON TIME: most Kpop groups have their own official light stick that fans hold up at their concerts, and those motherfuckers are 비싼 / expensive. I only have ones for BIGBANG and BTS and those each set me back around $50. I better get a chance to use that BIGBANG one someday. Sigh.)

Henry Warbucks gave me a whopping $80 CAD stipend (originally it was only $60 but I kept my hand out) but it turned out that was $80 too much because the dumb girls in front of me (who would end up sitting behind us and were so fucking annoying but luckily I blocked them out once the show started) ended up buying the last t-shirt.

And I don’t wear hats so merch Option B was not for me.

Oh well, saving money is never a bad thing, I guess. Le sigh.

(But seriously, this shit only happens to me at Kpop concerts.)

My Korean is very shaky, but I think this says “everyday together with Winner”? Something loosely along those lines, anyway. There was no translation on the back, but the Winner fan group did include instructions in English, thankfully! But I’m sure we could have figured out when to hold it up based on simple context clues.

The venue was a theater, which meant that we had seats so we didn’t have to line up hours early in the single-digit temps to claim a good spot. I splurged (since I thought I was using Paypal credit, lol) and got us seats on the floor instead of the balcony which is usually where us kpop pigeons end up sitting because we don’t have rich parents buying our tickets, sigh. I was happy with the set-up because the floor was sloped, so we didn’t have to worry about having our view obstructed! Especially because everyone stood once the show started, so that made it even better to see, and since we all had seats, it didn’t feel like we were jammed up against everyone else.

It was one of the most comfortable shows I’ve ever been to, DARE I SAY.

They came out strong with “Really Really” and my throat was immediately like, “OK, I see how tonight is going to be, so please promise you’ll give me some hot tea and lozenges tomorrow.”

My throat was RIPPED OPEN before the show ended, I could not STAND how majestic these four guys were on that stage.

IT WAS LIKE A PARTY.

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They played all my favorites (“Hello,” “Love Me Love Me,” “Really, Really,” “Everyday,” “Movie Star,” “MILLIONS”) except for one (“Fool”). And their solos were fantastic – Yoon came out for his solo in this sparkling silver blazer and the bombastic voice of an old soul (he also sang part of a One Direction song but Chooch and I don’t know any One Direction songs so were just screaming along  through sheer crowd contagion); Mino a/k/a the Bias Wrecker gave me absolute chills with his performance of “Trigger” and then he proceeded to just smash “Fiance” to pieces, it was so great! Jinu, precious angle Jinu, covered G-Dragon’s “Untitled” and I was fucking sweating my face off, it wasn’t  tears at all, it was all sweat because I’m a chronic sweater, I don’t cry at concerts. And then Hoony covered Taeyang’s classic “Ringa Linga” like a goddamn beast and whatever was left of my throat was being fed through the cheese grater-entrance to the Scream Factory.

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“Millions,” though.

What I really liked about this concert was that there wasn’t a ton of filler. There was a short introduction, a VCR which was hilarious and showed them as kids talking about what they would do if they found treasure and then flash-forwarding to them as adults with whatever they bought with their treasure (Jinu bought a closet full of identical gray hoodies and this was clearly my favorite part of the skit), they each did their solos, and then there was a brief segment where Yoon had Hoony and Mino pick someone from the crowd to be interviewed. My favorite was when Mino picked a guy named Kyle who is from China but studying in Canada. This guy was a huge Mino fanboy and it was adorable. When Yoon asked him what his favorite Mino tracks are, he started rambling off song titles and then said his favorite was actually the Money Flow stage Mino did on Show Me the Money (a rapper survival-style show in Korea; Mino won the season he was on). Yoon and Kyle tried to get Mino to sing it, but Mino just looked kind of shell-shocked and whispered, “….I forget.”

It was so cute!

And I have to say, Mino has big stage presence. It was hard to stay true to my main Winner bias, or even Taemin and G-Dragon at that point, if we’re speaking casually here. I couldn’t help but feel very lucky to be in the same room as him, haha.

He has that Johnny-Depp-in-a-Tim-Burton-movie feel. You know what I’m saying, don’t pretend you don’t like Chooch just did.

After the fake-last song, everyone started chanted “encore” but it kind of sounded like “acorn” so I’m not sure if this was a Korean or Canadian accent phenomenon or what, but we loved it. Then of course Winner came back out while “Movie Star” played with outtakes of their VCR showing on the screen above the stage, and we all held up our banners and screamed like crazy people. It was so beautiful, and every time the cameras got close to their faces, you could see the tears in their eyes. This was their first North American tour, without ever having performed at any of the KCONs, and they just kept saying how shocked and honored they were that so many people came out to see them. Ugh, it was so beautiful to be a part of that.

Chooch and I unanimously agreed that, even though this was missing all the pomp and circumstance, we liked this show a lot better than BTS. It just felt more real and less staged, and since it was smaller-scaled, Winner seemed to have more of a connection to the crowd. It was heart-warming and I hope I get a chance to see them again!

Also, it was refreshing to see that the crowd was a healthy mix of genders! Lots of Inner Circle bros up in there.

Chooch and I were riding on a music-induced high afterward and were so giddy by the time our Henry-driven pumpkin returned us to the hotel. Big Spender Hank gave Chooch money for the vending machine but Chooch made me go with him because it was in a corner next to cleaning supplies under the steps and was just a super-rapey area even though the hotel wasn’t terrible and the area we were in seemed nice, that vending nook was like a sex offender’s clubhouse. THEN WE SAW CONDOMS IN ONE OF THE VENDING MACHINE AND RAN SCREAMING BACK TO THE ROOM.

Henry was not pleased.

Wow, it was a really good night, diary. I don’t regret at all that I basically overdrew our checking account by purchasing Winner tickets on a whim. I WOULD DO IT AGAIN IF I HAD TO.

9:19am: Wow, wowee wow wow, I know the many readers I have were like WHERE IS DAT LIVEBLOG THO. We left the hotel around 7 but I had to wait until my phone switched back to US stuffs, you know how that goes.

WHAT YOU MISSED: me droning on ad nauseum about last night’s Winner concert and then stupidly asking “WHERE IS THE MOVING WELL??” when I saw a digital sign over the highway that said “QEW Moving Well” (my reading comprehension is impaired in the AM), and Henry dropping us off in the freezing cold to see Niagara Falls because he refused to pay $15 to park.

So that was anticlimactic because let’s be real, I care more about all that crap on Clifton Hill and the last two times we were in Niagara we didn’t have time for tourist traps. Frown face all the way home.

We just left Duty Free so Henry could exchange back the leftover money since I spent zero dollars last night at the Winner show because the only shirt sizes they had left by the time I got to the front of the merch counter was Large and I’m not the type of broad who looks cute in oversized shirts so I passed – they were $65CAD! Anyway, at Duty Free I got maple and ice wine candy for work even though I hate it there lately.

While we in Duty Free, the James Ingram and Michael McDonald’s classic “Yah Mo B There” came on I was living in the moment. Or the past. Goddamn I love that song.

I still don’t know who Yah Mo is though.

10:16am: BREAKING NEWS! Last night after the Winner show, I hopped on IG and saw that SM officially confirmed that Taemin will be making his solo comeback in February! Then just now I saw that the official date is February 11th! THAT IS LESS THAN A MONTH! (I can do maths!) My stomach is doing somersaults over here on the highway outside of Buffalo!

TAEMIN BE MY VALENTINEEEEEEEE.

10:30am: Taemin excitement aside, I am still riding high on this Yah Mo B There revival so I’m blasting it in the car and Chooch has question marks undulating above his head. I tried to explain it to him by saying it was only one of the greatest songs of the 80s while Henry was subtly shaking his head no. Then I regaled them with the story of how when I dated this guy Jeff in 1998, he told me his stepdad looked just like Michael McDonald. “And then I got to meet him and HE REALLY DID!” I screamed to my conversation hostages and they were just like “Cool story.”

The song just ended and I snapped around to ask Backseat Chooch if he thought he was awesome and he just shook his head no, eyes all wide like he had just watched a snuff film.

That’s ok because now we’re listening to I DONT HAVE THE HEART by James Ingram and I am like FUCKING CRYING and exaggeratedly lip syncing and Chooch just wailed, “This music is so boring!” and dramatically passed out across the backseat.

THIS IS THE BEST OF LITE FM, YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

Now I’m on a songs of Days of Our Lives kicks and as “Tonight I Celebrate…” was playing, I asked, “Was this Hope & Bo’s song?”

“I don’t know!” Henry laughed in exasperation.

“Oh my god,” Chooch murmured from the backseat, looking for ways to end it all with his seatbelt.

Now I’m on a Santa Barbara kick and going on about Eden and Cruz while “If Ever I’m In Your Arms Again” butted up against my shrill voice and Chooch finally cried uncle and screamed I WOULD RATHER LISTEN TO TAEMIN which is something he has NEVER said before so now we’re all happily listening to Taemin’s “Play Me.”

Speaking of Taemin, I bought the second version of Press It at one of the Kpop shops in Korea Town yesterday and the guy working there was like my ideal type (Henry said he was 18 and that is NOT TRUE he was probably like 20) and he asked, “Are there any groups you’re looking for miss?” MISS!!!!!! NOT MAAM!!!!

When I said, “Just Taemin,” as I held up one of the albums, he gave me a knowing nod and chuckled. Henry was like, “Kill me.”

One of my co-workers was saying something about how she never buys CDs anymore and to be honest, when I was still into my old types of music, I had stopped buying CDs too (I’d just buy vinyl of bands I really liked) but Kpop is different because it’s not the CD you’re buying, it’s like an entire package of art. So no, I’ll probably never pop that CD in the car player (I think that’s the only CD player we even have!) but I will put it on the shelf with my other Kpop albums and cherish it forever.

This picture, tho.

11:45am: Traditional Sheetz roadtrip lunch break. We are in too much of a hurry to get back home (I forgot to put our shop on vacation mode and sales exploded) so we opted for a quick Sheetz MTO over a sit-down meal and I didn’t complain because their veggie wraps with lite Boom Boom sauce are my ultimate on-the-road go-to omg. Also, Chooch screamed that Henry shit his pants in the bathroom and everyone turned to look at us so that was cool.

12:33pm: Currently discussing how we always forget how close Toronto actually is to Pittsburgh. “Yeah, it takes longer to get Philadelphia, it seems,” Henry said and this caused me to go off.

“I hate how long it takes to get to Philly! You’re in the same state, it shouldn’t take that long to get to you!” I spat. And then, in a calmer tone, “Those are just my thoughts on that issue.” And then, “SO DOES THAT MEAN WE CAN GO TO CANADA’S WONDERLAND SOMETIME??”

“I never said we couldn’t?” Henry said so I’m adding that to my 2019 amusement park list and crossing my dumb, tattooed fingers.

12:39pm: At Sheetz #2 so Papa H can get gas and I thought the Now Hiring sign said Now Killing and Henry did the smirk he does when I reveal daily how terrible my eyesight is.

Yesterday I saw a sign that I thought said Hair Lesbians but it was Hair Aesthetics. *shrug*

1:33pm: Henry and I just finished an impromptu business meeting. It was so riveting that Chooch put his headphones on. But anyway, we’re in Pittsburgh!! Driving past downtown right now so we should be home in 10 minutes, and this might actually be the earliest we’ve ever returned home from a road trip, I’m impressed with our hustle. Now I get to spend the rest of the day packaging Valentines with a healthy number of Winner dance breaks.

So, until the next road trip (next month!), stay sober homies.

Getting ready to see Winner in a few hours and I feel sick! I almost always get sick with nerves before a show but once I get to the venue I’m good.

Anyway, we’re up in Toronto this weekend for the show and it’s like 17 degrees (Fahrenheit, I’m American) so that’s been a real treat. My face got so cold at one point today that I could barely get my mouth to move in order to talk and wondered if that’s what it felt like to get Botox, then I immediately became paranoid that I was going to lose the tip of my nose to frostbite.

We’ve gorged on some beautiful vegan food, taken a bunch of mural pictures, worn out our TPC weekend passes, and made fun of Henry a billion times. I’ll recap all that later in the week and will probably live-blog our drive home tomorrow, so now you know my semi-agenda I guess.

Hope you’re all nice and warm wherever you are! And see you soon, Winner!!

Saw this statement this morning on Twitter and I can’t say I’m surprised. I do not miss the days of being a Jonny Craig fan and getting let down when he’s performing at a concert in a drug-haze or drunken stupor, or when he gets kicked out of whatever current band he’s in (the Dance Gavin Dance removal was the one that hit me hardest), or when he’s being accused of domestic violence.

Just the other day I was thinking about how much I loved this guy, his golden voice, his inimitable stage swagger, to the point where I had a doll made in his likeness, made JC ornaments for work Xmas tree, and just all-around drove everyone in my life nuts with my ginger Jesus mania.

His music was such a big part of my life for many years, so even though I truly despise him as a human being, I really do hate watching his demise.

For as shitty as he has been the many times I’ve seen him in person, I sincerely hope the guy gets the help he needs and kicks this addiction. Fuck drugs, man. Sincerely fuck them.

Ok it’s not woman crush Wednesday yet but today I want to get all girl-crazy over Chung Ha. Admittedly, I’m super flaky with girl crushes so my girl Kpop biases have changed numerous times over the years, from Taeyeon to Hyolyn to Sana to Sunmi and now to Chung Ha.

I just like her more and more with every comeback!

Her latest song, Gotta Go, has wrecked me. I get taken pretty easily with choreography and this song has some really interesting moves. When Chung Ha was in the group IOI, she was known as the dancing queen and it’s not really a surprise that she was able to take those skills and go solo. She can certainly hold her own by herself!

I’ve watched her perform this song on every music countdown show over the last few weeks and I am just obsessed.

Her style is just so cool like a 1980s woman in a power suit walking into the boardroom.

I DONT KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING BUT I REALLY AM ALL ABOUT CHUNG HA THESE DAYS.

Enjoy this MV and then if you’re really feeling inspired, do the Kpop workout for this song afterward! I AM GOING TO DO IT AS SOON AS I POST THIS!

Give Me Five Thailand is one of my favorite Kpop exercise channels, especially when I get Henry to do these with me because he hates it so much haha.

I’m admitting defeat. White flag is up and waving. I’m surrendering to my body. I will hereby try to get rest this weekend!

I mean, my version of rest basically means that I will take breaks from moving around like a lunatic…?

But wow, I really do feel like a fucking rag doll today. I’m certain that 80% of this is stress but I also think I have some mild virus that my body is kickboxing.

Today’s agenda consists of catching up on Divorce (I’m halfway through season 2 and now Henry suddenly decides he needs to watch it too which is the most annoying thing ever), making Valentines (it’s the busiest time of the year for us!), starting a new high school K-drama with Chooch (he walked in on me watching Revenge Note and became obsessed), watching Henry make kimchi, planning for our whirlwind trip to Toronto next weekend, and waiting out this snowstorm that we’re supposed to be getting.

Pretty chill, and just what I need after the hectic week that just passed!

One good thing about today is that Henry and I were coming back from a walk and just as I was getting ready to grumble about how gross all the dirty, melty snow looks, I realized that we are already halfway through January and that is my least favorite month ever so I felt really inspired and hopeful that I will make it through another winter without succumbing to the blues (grays?)!

Whooo boy I preach about being positive all the time but sometimes that it one fucking difficult thing to practice!

THIS JUST IN: I fake-fainted in front of Henry and he didn’t even flinch.

My favorite thing about Divorce is the awesome 70s soundtrack. Also, I love that Sarah Jessica Parker still has the voice of a teenage girl—her voice has always been my favorite thing about her. Also x2, if Henry and I ever get a fake-divorce from our never-happened-marriage, I hope he NEVER DATES AGAIN. I made him promise that today, and then I texted Chooch at the Teen Center and told him to make sure Henry doesn’t ever try to give him a new mom. Then Henry walked into the room wearing an ugly army-colored t-shirt with a bright blue thermal shirt under it and I realized I HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

On that note, here are some pictures from last week.

Henry made Kimbap and bean sprout soup for dinner last Sunday and I was there for it. He’s also making a batch of kimchi—he is my little ahjumma!

Against our better judgment, we bought Chooch a puzzle so now half of Henry’s work station has been usurped. I also bought this hot pink furry coat which Chooch was more than happy to model for the purposes of this picture.

Here I am, being multi-fandom AF in my BIGBANG scarf and Jonghyun pin. I love wearing my Kpop faves!

Well, back to my afternoon itinerary which involves roller coaster YouTube vlogs and harping on Henry to finish Kpop valentines. Stay warm, my muffins!

First full week where I’m in the office every day since November probably and bitch it shows. I’m struggling.

We had a new admin start on Monday and today she had to suffer through two whole hours of being trained by me. I asked her if anyone had showed her the supply room yet and when she said yes I guess I looked noticeably sad because she said, “We…could go again?” So we did! But it was sad because the supply room guy told me that they’re no longer stocking my favorite red pens — they’re his favorite too so we bonded over that and he encouraged me to take a bunch since they’ll be NOTHING BUT A MEMORY soon.

It’s fine.

Anyway, new admin told me that she thought we were the same age and she is only in her late 20s so I will be keeping this one.

This drive-by blog post is brought to you by my burnt out brain and this great Winner video:

ETA: Lol just realized I posted the wrong video not that anyone cares but we’ll leave that one there as a bonus bc this a cool rookie group, and here is the actual Winner video, wow such generosity on my part:

I woke up Saturday morning at some unholy hour and had an idea for a new greeting card, and then any chance I had of falling back asleep was slaughtered.

Here’s some Kpop lore for you, which you will need to know to fully understand this card: Korea has an abundance of music countdown shows, similar to TRL, where Kpop groups come on and perform their latest single. One of the shows is called Inkigayo (“popular song”) and they are notorious for selling a sandwich that the idols go wild over.

Legend has it that G-Dragon has been known to use those sandwiches as a carrier pigeon to get his number to whichever female idol he had his eyes on at the time. Look, I don’t know if this is true or not, but Seungri (from G-Dragon’s group BIGBANG) said it once on a variety show!

And now that there’s a new dating “scandal” in the kpop world with Jennie (Blackpink) and Kai (EXO), this whole Inkigayo sandwich rumor has returned and the memes are so entertaining!

So I thought to myself, while half-asleep, wouldn’t it be funny to make a card shaped like the Inkigayo sandwich where the sender could hide a message inside…

I started picturing a children’s pop-up book, where there are also tabs to pull, and I thought, “Maybe it could be a piece of lettuce that could slide out of the sandwich…”

But that’s because silly me forgot for a second that this is a Korean sandwich, which are way different than American sandwiches that are stacked with lunchmeat and cheese. I googled Inkigayo sandwich just so I could have an accurate depiction for my design, and quickly realized that there are no trimmings of lettuce or tomato sticking out that I could use.

Do you guys know what’s in an Inkigayo sandwich?

It’s three layers.

One layer has cabbage, cucumber, apples and corn. It looks like a coleslaw. I’m down for that.

Another layer has boiled potatoes, eggs and crab. So, like an egg and potato salad combined with some crab thrown in. I don’t eat seafood, but maybe it’s fake? If so, still down for that.

But you guys.

The middle layer, though.

It’s…strawberry jam.

At first I was like, “What, no.” But I gotta say, I think I’d STILL BE DOWN FOR THAT.

I LOVE putting jam or jelly on grilled cheese so, maybe this is similar?

Apparently, these sandwiches have become so popular that the 7-Elevens in Korea sell them now so that might be my first stop when I go back, you can judge me, I’m cool with it.

Picture from Korea Herald

So, since I had no protruding produce to work with like on a beefy American ‘wich, I made an “Inkigayo Sandwich” label which the actual sandwiches do have, according to the pictures I’ve seen, and that’s what you pull out to reveal the message!

I used Jennie and Kai for my example message. Have you SEEN Kai rock a croptop though? Jennie is so lucky.

Kai, you’re rude.

The back of the card is gold glittered cardstock, making it nice and sturdy.

View this post on Instagram

I’m obsessed with this card! You could use it for so many things! Here’s the link to it – go snatch one up!

 Let’s cap this off with a video of BIGBANG performing Bae Bae on Inkigayo!

Let’s take a break from Christmas-related recaps and talk about some shit that’s been happening around here lately.

1. NEW NEIGHBORS

Remember how several months ago I was stoked because that jackass guy who always was working on his broke-down cars in the driveway finally moved out and took his junkyard with him? Well he’s been replaced by some old broad and her young adult son who DRIVES A DUMPTRUCK AND PARKS IT IN THE DRIVEWAY. Now, we don’t have to deal with these n00bs other than when we’re being annoyed by that monstrosity in the driveway, but Hot Naybor Chris shares a wall with them and told us that they’re loud and constantly fighting with each other. I heard the son screaming at someone outside last week and it was actually chilling. He seems mostly like a derelict but who knows if he’s dangerous. I don’t trust anyone!

Haley started to leave a note on his dumptruck recently but Blake made her take it off because he seems like maybe he could be a loose cannon—he apparently came out of his house and started yelling at some of Blake’s friends who were walking down the sidewalk, so that’s great. I’m dying to start a fight with him.

Henry walked outside earlier today and Hot Naybor Chris’s wife actually WAS fighting with him over the whole dumptruck thing and Henry said she yelled that if he parks it there again she’s going to break the windows with a rock. Lol, #TeamHNCWife

Oh, also, HIS ASSCRACK IS ALWAYS SHOWING!

In other neighbor-related news, did I tell you about the time several weeks ago when I was walking to the trolley and Chooch’s “friend” Rob, a middle-aged man who has lived on this block even longer than me and is notorious for public drunkeness, was walking down his sidewalk to his truck which was parked on the street.  Drunk Rob stopped me and slurred “hey check out my cat” and for a moment I thought this was a ploy to shove me in his pickup truck and show me his weener but his cat really was sitting on the sidewalk. Whew.

2. BABYSITTERS CLUB

We’ve been babysitting Calvin off and on since yesterday and it’s been fun but good goddamn I forgot how exhausting small children are! I only have so many funny voices and dance moves, you know?

We took him to Eat n Park last night for dinner and it was the first time we took him out in public without his parents so before we went inside, I pleaded with him to not embarrass us and he listened to me! He was super good the whole time and actually ate the food we cut into elf-approved pieces  without hurling it across the restaurant!

(I tried to slip him a black olive but that was a big NOPE.)

When the waitress came to take our orders, we acted SO FUCKING SUSPICIOUS like we were kidnappers.

“What should we order for him?” we whispered to each other. “Does he like mac ‘n cheese?” we wondered out loud. I think a normal waitress would have maybe signaled for an amber alert, because we were acting like we had no idea how to care for a toddler so clearly he was abducted. But this was Eat n Park and those broads don’t pay attention to your empty coffee cup, let alone suspicious behavior.

I definitely think Calvin likes me better than Henry though. He’s been paying more attention to me recently so now I’m obsessed with hanging out with him and making sure that he stays liking me more than Henry.

That’s my end game for everything.

Earlier today, it took all three of us to change his clothes.

3. OH YOU WAIT UNTIL MOM FINDS OUT, BUDDY

I bought Chooch this shirt for Christmas because we love The Lost Boys and that’s one of my favorite parts of the movie and we all know I give presents selfishly. Another shirt for us to share!

4. In Case You Were Wondering, I’m Still Talking About My Tooth Tragedy

I was closing out all the tabs on my phone and it was all “how much do root canals cost” “I lost a filling” “does my tooth need pulled” “if you swallow a filling can you die” “do tooth implants hurt.” Henry rolled his eyes out of his head when I told him so now my tabs are full of eye stuff.

My fixed tooth is now super sensitive to cold and it hurts when I chew hard food on that side so now I’m panicking THAT I AM NOT FIXED (or am I just FIXATING) but at least I don’t have a shell back there anymore?

5. My New Fetish

So, I used to be into watching Korean idols eating (don’t judge me) but then the other day, I, um, accidentally watched a video compilation of Jinu from Winner drinking so I guess that’s my new kink?!

Well, in other news, my only plan for this weekend is to hunker down and crank out some new card designs for Valentine’s Day — I’m almost done with a 16-card set of The Cure designs! They are so fucking cringey.

…to think I’d feel like recapping any Christmas bullshit on here today. The last three days ended up being much busier than I expected plus I just got home after spending a day out and about with my best son (lol) doing our best impressions of Henry, and all I will be doing the rest of the evening is watching Winner videos (I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE THEM! ONE MONTH!) and probably theme park videos too because the scope of my obsessions is pretty limited to those two things lately.

I hope everyone survived Christmas and all of its maddening consumerism and loneliness. I tried to do that whole “mind control” thing I blabbed on about a few blog posts ago but I realized my feelings of disdain for Christmas run too deep so all I can really do is buckle up and brace myself.

You know how motivational speakers and self-help weirdos are always preaching about mind over matter, etc etc? Well, somewhere in my life, I actually kind of started to believe that WHOA maybe there actually is something to positive thinking. I know it’s easy to fall into those negative nets and motherfuck everything that comes your way, and I spend a lot of my days doing just that. Being surly is kind of my thing, also I think I might be borderline.

But anyway, today is a really good example of how thoughts can completely set the tone and control the day. Take this morning, for example. I got a twitter notification that the trolley was having issues and I flipped my shit because I hate when wrenches are thrown into my daily routine. So I ran out of the house earlier than usual in order to grab an earlier trolley and hopefully not be as late. The trolley driver was really great about keeping us updated on what was happening and how the detour was going to go, and I appreciated that. Yes, I was still annoyed. Yes, I whined about it when I got to work 10 minutes late which doesn’t even count as late at that place, trust me — my job is so laid back when it comes to these things. It’s ME who gets all wound up about it!

And yes, I berated Henry via KakaoTalk because this was all his fault, after all.

About an hour later though, I was thought to myself, “You know, this could have been way worse. We’re lucky that we have a transit system full of people who are so on the ball.

” I mean, whoever runs that twitter account is amazing at keeping passengers updated, and what a shitty position to be in, knowing your tweets are going to get lambasted by angry Yinzers. So do you know what I did? I deleted my crybaby tweet about how the trolley sucks and I replied to the Port Authority account, thanking them for being so helpful and diligent at keeping us up to speed when shit like this happens. 9 times out of 10, when they’re having issues, it’s because of some uncontrollable force, like a tree falling on one of the wires or some dumbass leaving their car on the tracks (this happens more than you’d think). And just like that, the tone of my day changed! Being nice kind of felt…..NICE. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?!

Then I was having an annoying afternoon of dealing with people who definitely haven’t discovered that sentiment up there about being nice, and I was being a big bitchbaby about that but then we got an email from Wendy about a late afternoon holiday soiree that she and the other associate directors prepared for our department, which included ALCOHOL and normally I would let my social anxiety dictate how I RSVP to something like this (yes, even with people I see everyday, I get a little palm-sweaty and collar-tuggy when surrounded by them). But I told myself that it would be good to walk away from my computer screen and have a drink with my work friends.  I figured I would just make an appearance and then sneak away, but I ended up staying for the full hour and it was really fun and reminded me of how it used to be there so maybe in 2019 I will try to be more people-y.

And then guess what happened?! Henry actually parked the car and met me outside of my building so that we could walk back to  the car together since I have been complaining lately about the weirdos I have to encounter on the way to where he waits for me after work. I thought that was really sweet but of course I didn’t let him know that, haha.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning (oh, don’t worry, there will be a WHOLE POST dedicated to my oral woes, I know you can’t wait) so once again, I let my feelings about that darken my mood and I was totally snippy with Henry and Chooch but then I watched the new Winner video and said, “Fuck it, I’m buying tickets to see them” so now I’m going to see them in Toronto next month, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME AND MY WRECKED MOLAR.

So my current mood is: pretty fucking content as long as I’m not thinking about my tooth (OR, THE SHELL OF MY TOOTH), and the whole poing of this is that I guess those dumbass self-help weirdos are kind of right. Plus, one of the YouTube fitness ladies I like also reminds us that if we smile, we can actually convince ourselves to feel happier and I think that she’s probably right because she has a degree in something.

Anyway, I’m going to go and watch this Winner video MILLIONS of times now because it is really uplifting and that’s the whole point of this post which you would know if you were paying attention, jesus.