Much to Henry’s chagrin, Chooch and I enjoy traipsing through the alleys of Brookline. There’s just something so DANGEROUS about it that gives us a thrill, you know? Plus, there’s a discarded flat screen TV laying back there and Chooch likes to kick it. 

I dunno where he gets that destructive urge. 

One time we walked past a bunch of kids smoking pot and Chooch was amazed that his old, square mom knew what pot smells like. 

Ugh. 

We were actually just walking through one of the alleys last night (Henry was horrified when he later found out) and we decided that we would just act like blind kids if we accidentally saw a drug deal or murder.

We think things through sometimes. 

Also last night, the old Polish guy up the street with the stinky produce vans made us stop on the sidewalk and admire the new solar-powered lights he put on his house. It was a nice neighborly moment. 

Also last night, we left the house without telling Henry. 

“What do you think Daddy will do when he finds out we’re missing?” Chooch asked, as though we had run away. 

“He’ll probably say, ‘I’m going to call 911….but first I’ll have an ice cream!'” I said in the Bullwinkle-like voice I adopt whenever I’m being terrible and mocking Henry. 

“We have ice cream?!” Chooch cried, scanning his mental inventory of the freezer. 

“No, but I always imagine that daddy has a secret freezer in the basement, filled with Klondikes,” I shrugged, and then we started talking about Henry stuffing our bodies in the freezer because we’re dark-minded. 

“Someday when you’re older and I’m dead, you’re going to think back to our walks through the scuzzy bowels of Brookline and miss it,” I said on our walk today. 

“Um…sure. I guess,” said Chooch with NO CONVICTION. 

This has been a KCON interlude. Recapping that convention is exhausting and also making me sad because I miss it and want to be talking about 24:7 but to WHOM?!

When my life is 80% daydreaming about Korean stuff, 20% sludging through another basic American day, a convention like KCON gives me life. For two days, I was able to be around other people who also appreciate the culture and the joys this beautiful country brings into our lives, rather than be giving strange looks because I prefer Running Man over the Bachelor or gochujang over BBQ sauce. And so what if I eat kimchi for a snack at work? 

The Hallyu wave has engulfed your girl and there’s no fighting the undertow.

This is my third attempt at writing this thing: the first two times WordPress was s douchebag and didn’t save my edits. So at this point, we’re going the pictures/captions route because I have nothing left to give. Wah.

View this post on Instagram

Also, real quick because I know there is a popular misconception that I use some kind of crazy vaginal sorcery to brainwash Henry isn’t doing my bidding: he is actually pretty down with the Korean craze as well. I mean, not as much as I am obviously because it takes a certain kind of bipolar nutjob to basically let one obsession with a music genre totally rebrand your entire lifestyle, but he does actually like most of the idol groups (not BTS though, inexplicably) and he genuinely enjoys cooking Korean cuisine and sends me articles about Running Man that he reads on k-gossip sites. We finally have something that we’re enjoying together!

Now if only I can get him to do KpopX fitness videos with me…

All that being said, I’m going to try and cast one of my witchy spells to get him to help me write this post.

​
Chooch French-fried me at the McDonald’s booth, where we got these cute reusable bags that proved to be invaluable as we collected free shit every time we turned around. I was really annoyed that the guy who took the picture didn’t take a second one!

Tous les Jours is a French bakery chain in Korea. I know – I was unsure at first too.  But the stuff I tried was so good and had a great Korean twist to French classics. I’d give anything for another piece of milkbread right about now.

Anyway, the only thing Chooch cared about from this place was the fact that a $10 purchase got you a battery-powered mini-fan. The first one he got didn’t work (user error probably) but later in the day, Henry threw down another $10 on beverages and Chooch finally got to have man-made air blown into his overheated face.

“When you can’t afford real friends” – Chooch

There was an entire section of the convention dedicated to the Winter Olympics! Here is Chooch standing with a cutout of the group Highlight.

“Keep walking maybe she won’t follow” – Henry

Chooch got so much free shit, it was incredible. This wasn’t even all of it. The I Love K-Food booths were giving away so many foodstuffs, just by playing games like Plinko and spinning a wheel.

The best part about the vendors and booths is that they were all blaring their own playlists, so it was literally Kpop cacophony.: A/K/A FUCKING DELIGHTFUL. 

“When your mom makes you take pictures with someone you barely even know about” – Chooch.

” Don’t be fooled, he knows who they are.” – Henry

Ha Ha and Gwangsoo from Running Man are K-Food spokespeople! It was so exciting for me to see their likeness outside in the real world, among so many other people who also knew who they were! (They’re my two favorite people from Running Man! If/when Henry and I split, I’m going to add to my “H” knuckle tattoo so it spells Ha Ha.)

Some of the awesome k-beauty products I bought from the Nature Twenty booth. I wanted everything!

“You’re already beautiful enough, you don’t need any of that stuff” – Henry

Song Joong-ki!!!! <333333

“Me and the gang” – Chooch.

“Little did I know, they were going to pick from the opposite side of the tree I hung mine” – Chooch.

If you hung your wish on the Wishing Tree, you were eligible for a drawing later that day. The prizes were an iPad, concert tickets, and fan engagements. Dumb Chooch didn’t win for once. They had some actual men from the PyeongChang Olympics committee there picking the winning wishes! That was pretty cool. Pairing the Olympics with KCON was extremely smart marketing.

GAHHHHH KOREAN FOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!

“Choices were pretty slim, though the ones there were good.”- Henry

We all ate lunch from the Korilla booth. I had the tofu taco, Henry had some type of meat taco, and Chooch had veggie mandu. Plus Henry and I split an order of Kim-cheese fries, which was my kimchi fix. I think I’m addicted to that shit, you guys.

My favorite food stall was the traditional Korean beverage guys, though. They served me up some ice cold sikhye (a wonderfully sweet rice drink) and it was divine.

(Chooch apparently hates the word divine, at least my usage of it, so now I want to use it a lot, maybe change his name to it and stick some PINK FLAMINGOS in the yard.)

G-friend was at the AT&T tent at one point so Chooch climbed on a cement thing and got a picture of two of them. 

“When I realized I’m not athletic”- Chooch

“Piano lessons to continue” – Henry

“Slide to the left. J/k” – Chooch

I asked Henry why he and I don’t wear matching couple outfits like those two in the pink hats and he was quick to point out that those two weren’t a couple, but a girl and her gay friend, which I thought was presumptuous because why does a guy in tight shortalls have to be gay?

Anyway, this was during a G-friend “Fingertip” choreography lesson, which was pretty boring to watch. Maybe when I’m a certified KpopX instructor, I can have my own demonstrations at KCON!!!!!!!!!!1111111

That girl back there in the yellow shirt is a super annoying YouTuber.

“We at least agreed on that” – Henry

“When your fam just leaves you” – Chooch.

“When your fam ‘thinks’ they left you.” – Henry

This was right before Henry made friends with a NEWARK COP while Chooch and I were waiting for the PyeongChang wishing tree drawing. He was so proud of it too! Later, Chooch and I saw an old ass cop scoot by on a Segway and I was certain it was Henry’s new boytoy in blue, but then when we were leaving the convention that day, some younger cop jovially smiled and waved to Henry like they knew each other.

“That’s my new cop friend!” Henry said, full of pride.

Wow.

Anyway, I made this picture b&w because Henry is always head-to-toe grayscale so what does it even matter.

That fucking Tous les Jour fan.

“It’s not a ‘fucking’ Tous les Jour fan. It’s a FREAKING Tous les Jour fan” – Chooch.

Random acoustic set from a guy and girl but it wasn’t in Korean so I lost interest. 

“That face you make when you’re not ready” – Chooch. (“If it was Daddy, I would say, ‘That face you make when you see a girl'” – Chooch.)

My people. I loved how diverse the demographic was!

“When you’re 11 and driving. I don’t know.” – Chooch.

Chooch got to play some crazy-ass crane machine controlled by a Toyota CH-R (they called it the CH-rane game) and won a Line Friends notebook. He was salty because it took him so long in the day to finally play and by that time, they were all out of the Line Friends plushies. This was somehow Henry’s fault. 

“When you eat kimchi unknowingly and like it” – Chooch

Seriously, I was like, “Hey Chooch peep this Korean pancake, you’ll love it” BUT IT WAS KIMCHI JEON. Henry makes a delicious jeon, you guys. So maybe when we’re in Korea, he’ll be able to supplement his Subway meals with the occasional jeon.

That moment you catch Henry getting brochures from someone at the Korea Tourism Organization booth and fall in love with the bearded dope all over again.

Chooch was on the prowl for more shit to win.

“When you try to find new parents” – Chooch.

“When you’re tired AF and still forced to get a picture taken” – Chooch.

Chooch looks like he got beat up in his attempt to get a Highlight sign to take into the concert, but really this is just what his legs always look like because HELLO 11 YEAR OLD BOY. He falls off his bike everyday, I think.

And that was Day one of the convention! Concert recap coming soon. 

Hi guys it’s us, Dumb & Dumber. We decided to sneak up on Henry at the laundromat and at the end of the 35 minute walk there, we didn’t see his car (after Chooch was trying to make me paranoid that Henry was actually downtown at Blush).

I texted him and said “What are you doing?” He said “Folding.”

FOLDING WHAT, BENJAMINS INTO G-STRINGS?

So I called him and acted all weird and he was like WHAT IS GOING ON so Chooch grabbed the phone and spilled the beans and Henry was all “You dumbasses.”

OH TURNS OUT HENRY HAS BEEN GOING TO A NEW LAUNDROMAT.

So now we’re in Dollar General killing time because we want Henry to pick us up because the walk home is like all up hill and we didn’t plan this far ahead, and of course I don’t have my wallet so I can’t even buy us snacks and we’re just walking around looking at generic snacks, acting like we’re starving orphans, waiting for Henry to come and adopt us while singing along to Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber.

Omg we look so suspicious and creepy.

Bye!

ETA: Henry came and got us at the original laundromat because Chooch went over there to pee and use the vending machine. We got in the car and Henry said, “Idiots.”

He just said he wishes he had gone to that laundromat because he’d have had us help fold. Ugh.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=Xmg9cpwqIDw

Oh, to be that 가방.

9:24am: Gonna attempt to liveblog the drive home from Newark because the ride here was boring so maybe this will inspire me to spice it up for the sake of the Internet. I’ve been ready to go for an hour but Henry is meticulously packing everything like he’s leaving for the Army. Then he yelled GODDAMMIT and I thought he left his wallet at the Prudential Center or something but turns out he put his phone in his back pocket and accidentally tucked part of his shirt in with it — and that required such a zealous outburst I guess.

I miss KCON.

A LOT.

9:33am: Goodbye, shitty airport Wyndham hotel. It’s amazing the difference in quality between this Wyndham and the one we stayed at Thursday night – that hotel was dreamy. Also, I’m wearing my KCON shirt while taking Chris’s survey about towels.

9:52am: Less than 20 minutes in the car and we’re fighting over where to stop for breakfast. So, everything’s normal over here. Maybe henry should stop asking me to find restaurants because he has a reason to shoot down all of my suggestions, always. I’m retiring as Yelp-Looker-Upper after breakfast. THIS WILL BE MY SWAN SONG. DON’T LET ME DOWN, MR. APPLE PIE DINER.

10:04: We’re here! Everyone hates me but this place has AMBIANCE AND CHARACTER. It kind of smells like pee in here though.

So much brown and orange!

I just sent Chooch to check out the bathroom sitch. He said it’s just normal and not creepy. “White walls, a toilet, garbage can, a sign that says Don’t put paper towels in the toilet, and someone wrote ‘dummy’ at the bottom of it.”

This has been Chooch’s Bathroom Review.

I ordered a veggie omelet. I have never had an omelet with green beans, carrots, corn and peas in it. Literally a whole bag of frozen vegetables. It was….different. Shoulda got the pancakes.

But…those 1970s greasy spoon vibes, y’all.

10:56am: Henry almost wrecked the car because he was so excited to see a Roy Rogers in Whatevertown, NJ.

12:03pm: Just went to Hmart for the first time ever and Henry was a complete jerk and ruined my experience so it will be a loooooong drive home in silence.

The best aisle.

But I bought this G-Dragon thing so stuff it, Henry. (#terriblegirlfriendisterrible)

We also got some doraji and it’s taking everything in me not to tear into it right now. We should have just skipped breakfast and ate at Hmart ugh.

12:40: Henry is upset because of the full service gas station laws in NJ and dejectedly let some kid pump gas on his behalf. Then inside the gas station, henry and I made eye contact and started laughing so I guess we’re all made up now or whatever. Ugh.

1:28pm: Henry’s GPS just said welcome to PA so I guess we’re in PA too bad we live clear on the other side of it and henry is taking the long way to avoid the turnpike.

Some small town in PA, evidently.

Meanwhile Chooch has been hounding henry for his wifi hotspot and we’re like, “Can’t you look out the window and find animals and weeners in the clouds like normal kids from the 80s?!?!” Oh I can’t STAND this generation.

2:02: Ugh we just passed a sign for Scotrun and Henry and I both thought it said Scrotum. I hate when we think alike!!!!!!!!

Smoky BBQ taste, I read that myself nbd.

3:54pm: We are still so far from home and if I hear Chooch whine “daddy” one more time, I might actually put myself up for adoption. WE ARE ALL SO CRANKY. Except henry – he is perfectly prince-y.

4:54pm:

Me: Do you think I’m ugly?

Henry: No.

me: YOU DIDNT EVEN LOOK AT ME!

Henry: I KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE!

And now you know what this car ride is like.

5:46pm: waved the white flag in our mission to find eating establishments open on Sunday in this area and had our concession meal at Sheetz. LIVIN’ LARGE. Chooch got spaghetti and complained about it like he forgot he ordered it at a gas station.  I had a veggie wrap which is what I always get from Sheetz but it wasn’t wrapped appropriately therefor changing the whole flavor and experience. Henry thought this was funny because I’ve had really bad luck with food on this trip. We ended up eating at the hotel restaurant Friday night after the show and the veggie wrap I got there was similar to my omelet from this morning: STUFFED WITH A BAG OF FROZEN VEGGIES. Only this mix had zucchini, squash, crinkle-cut carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower in it. The kind of freezer section vegetables that make you think you hate vegetables when you’re a kid. NOT APPROPRIATE WRAP VEGGIES. And they were all watery too. I want, like, spinach, tomatoes, onions, olives, green peppers on my wrap. Those are wrap-worthy veggies!!

6:25pm: What You Missed: my daily run-down of all the things I believe to be wrong with me. Once a hypochondriac….

(I used to keep the Merck Medical Journal on my bedside table when I was a teenager. I once thought I had pleurisy, water-on-the-knee, and a quincy at the same time.)

7:23pm: That feeling when Henry has to stop to pee twenty minutes from home. (What is: FURY.)

7:36: YEAH BOY.

Day one of KCON was a smashing success! Of course Henry irritated Chooch and me several times because that’s his role as a Square and it would be weird otherwise, but it was still a great day and we left with a huge haul–most of which was free and/or won, like that Amazon Echo over there that Chooch won by spinning a wheel at the AsianaAir booth (the box is empty because Chooch took it out in the hotel so he could sleep with it, I don’t know).

So so so much to recap but it’s almost midnight and I can’t keep my eyes open. KCON, you exhausting, girl. 

Tomorrow morning, we leave for KCON. I think all three of us need this long weekend to get away from all the bullshit and remember how to be a family. 

Even if it is in Newark. 

It’s not fine. But it will be. 

There was one majorly super awesome thing that happened last Tuesday, you guys. Baby Calvin was born! It seemed like Haley was pregnant forever, but now he’s here and the three of them have become the perfect little family. I’M LITERALLY CRYING AS I TYPE THIS because I have known Blake since he was eight and it’s been a crazy and awesome journey watching from the sidelines as be grew from a little human Bart Simpson to this sweet, excited dad. 

BLAKE IS A DAD!

AND ROBBIE IS A DAD!

So many dads and babies!

It seems like just yesterday when Blake & I were getting sick together on carnival rides,  making STD cookies with Janna, and going to Warped Tour….

Where did the time go?! 

Haley is already assuming the role of super cool mom and her happiness is contagious! It almost makes me wish Chooch was still a baby…

They brought Calvin over yesterday for a visit and seeing Henry holding his grandson made me forget all the bullshit because this is what life and family is about. THIS. 

Three grandsons for Henry! This is totally his year. I’m so happy for everyone! Congratulations, Blake & Haley! Calvin is so lucky to have you as parents!

(Also, Chooch completely missed out on the visit because he was too busy hanging out at his second family’s house, a/k/a Wesley with the two trampolines, a poodle, and a mom who cooks.)

Everything sucks. But this custard / Fruity Pebbles combo was nice. 

In related news, I deactivated my Facebook account because after 16 years, some people still can’t seem to stay the fuck out of my non-marriage. I have to say, being Facebook-free has been pretty wonderful and I don’t regret it, even though it took being told that I’m a terrible mom and even worse girlfriend to get there. 

They’re probably looking at a list of all the ways I’m super shitty. 

There was an episode of some talk show I watched once in the 90s—Maury or Donahue or Sally Jesse, who cares—about people who survived gunshots to the head.

What always stuck with me was that every person on the panel said the same thing: it didn’t hurt.

One person said they only felt “an icy sensation.”

That’s how my head has felt all week but without the bullethole.

Anyway, due to my invisible head trauma, please look at some pictures of Pittsburgh that I’ve been collecting during the last several lunch break walks. I’m on the tourism board, you know.

These were some street art installations that sprung up during the annual Three Rivers arts festival. I actually was walking by the day the artist was making one of them. He had paint on one side of his face that looked like tire tracks. I’m pretty sure it was intentional and I would have much rather hung out with him than go back to work, wah.

Hey guys, this was the general area where that lady got hit by a car and I cried and was so worried about her all day—me, caring about another human!

I remember the day I took this picture in the Strip District because it was a deliciously uneventful walk. Sometimes a stroll without attracting weirdos or witnessing domestic disputes is a welcome reprieve!

That time I was standing in line at Crazy Mocha and Journey’s “Who’s Crying Now?” came on the radio and all five people in line started mindlessly humming along.

Here’s a picture from some church on the Northside, which I walked to accidentally and then almost didn’t make it back to work in time and I panicked even though no one else is a clock-watcher but me.

Random view down some street. It rained later that day, and then Pittsburgh was lit with the pungent bouquet of wet hobo piss on a hot summer’s day. Ugh, that stench.

I walk past this storefont nearly every day and somehow never noticed how pretty it is until today. Also today, I got caught in a storm without a umbrella so I ran inside the Westin and thought I was out-smarting mother nature by going into the gift shop to buy an umbrella, BUT THEY WERE ALL OUT?! I literally just made fun of Todd the other day, too, for his horrid luck at getting stuck in downpours on his lunch break, so I guess I was due for my own afternoon shower.

Luckily it didn’t last long and I was under shelter the whole time, so there.

Hey, speaking of head shots, this song was banned by some of the Korean TV stations for having graphic lyrics about violence. I get to see them next week at KCON and I hope they perform it!

I’m hoping KCON breaks the sad spell that’s been cast on me. The other night, Henry was so desperate to cheer me up, that he willingly suggested that we watch G-Dragon videos and then Chooch offered to watch Running Man with me and he HATES that show because it’s subtitled. I said no to all of those things, but turns out Soju shots was also an option and that felt great until it didn’t.

Currently enduring some of the worst parts of mania. Who cares though. Here’s some happy things cuz fake it till u make it amirite lol. 

1. I got to see my buddy Nina and her kids a few weeks ago when she was visiting from Virginia! Wendy and I had lunch with her and some of her other friends and it was really great. Always great to see her pretty face. I miss working with her! She used to take care of me, like the time I broke the Keurig and she fixed it for me before I cut myself or broke a sweat or whatever. 

2. Lori made me a G-Dragon Countdown calendar and even did it all in Hangul which makes me so happy because I can read it, mostly! I’m actually learning a different number system though, so now I’ll know both sino-Korean numbers along with native thanks to this! I love that there are people who encourage my obsessive behavior :) 

3. testing out the filters on the Snow app on Glenn & Todd at work yesterday. I love this app!

​https://instagram.com/p/BVTBXdRAU6n/

4. It’s summer, almost?

5. It’s storming and maybe I can possibly get struck by lightning?

Well, I guess that’s it at the moment. Everything else sucks.  I’ll try harder next time. 

We went to visit Robbie & Nikki on Sunday to see the babies. Robbie made bomb veggie burgers that weee gigantic and Eli & Levi kept staring at me. It’s because they can smell fear!

Meanwhile,  Chooch decided he’s old enough to graduate fifth grade so that happened on Monday. I DIDNT CRY ON MY WAY TO WORK OR ANYTHING. His buddy Dimajio is going to a different school next year so it was their last morning hangout, which was doubly sad. :(

Henry’s a grandfather (with a third grandson arriving this week courtesy of Haley & Blake!) and we have a kid going into middle school. Time can kindly slow the fuck down now.

 It feels like yesterday when Blake & Robbie were teaching me how to play Neopets and having my kid was the furthest thing from my mind. 

I started off the day learning the hard way that you musn’t spray canola oil on a hot pan. If I hadn’t already lost most of my eyebrows during the Great Overplucking of the 90s, today would have been their funeral fo sho. 

I was running around screaming about the injustice of it all, like who is supposed to know that would happen?? when Henry calmly said, “Well, everyone. It says it on the directions.”

“The PAN has directions?!” I cried. 

“No! The can of cooking spray!”

“Srsly? Why does a can of cooking spray need directions? Like, who would read that?” I said indignantly. 

“People like YOU are the reason those directions are there,” Henry sighed. 

(I know you guys: how does Henry “tolerate” me? He must be a “Saint.” “Job is going to shake his hand when he gets to Heaven.” Because our relationship is something he “tolerates” or “puts up with.”)

Honestly though, that flame went up SO HIGH. This is what happens when Henry takes too long waking up and I take breakfast matters into my own hands. :/

It’s all his fault. Just like it was his fault for failing to buy me a bag of coffee for work, creating a MAJOR CRISIS last Friday which culminated in Catherine and I colluding in a dangerous k-cup robbery from Lori’s office which I tried to reason was ok because one time she told me I was welcome to the candy she keeps in the one drawer and her k-cups were one drawer beneath that one, so…And then Catherine was so fraught with guilt that she left a dollar on Lori’s desk. The much anticipated conclusion to this is that Lori returned to work on Wednesday amd Catherine FLEW into her office before Lori even set her purse down, blurting out her confession and waiting to receive penance. There was a tense moment when we weren’t sure if Lori was going to throw a stapler and yelled, “Cash me ousside!” but turns out she had used up all her fucks on games 3 and 4 of the Stanley Cup finals and had little left in the tank to use on a stolen k-cup. She even gave Catherine her dollar back (had I known, I would have stolen that too!) Then when Todd got to work later that day, he said, “Oh yeah, I’m telling Lori you stole from her” and I was like OMG SHE ALREADY KNOWS! EVERYONE KNOWS! I’M A DIRTY THIEF!

I mean…

Ahem. 

SUBJECT CHANGE. 

Here are some pictures from this day, Saturday, June 10, 2017. 

We moved Chooch’s keyboard out of his bedroom and onto the backporch. Well, let me rephrase that: Henry and I kept saying that’s what we were going to but Chooch is the one who finally did it on his own accord because he was tired of waiting for his parents to finish watching Running Man and take care of him. 

Last night, I walked past him and saw that he had found the music for BigBang’s “Haru Haru” and decided to try and learn it! The coolest part is that he realized one of the notes was off and FIXED IT. He’s really good at playing by ear, which is something he definitely didn’t get from either one of us. 

He played it for Henry and made him guess what it was. Henry knew it was Bigbang right away but not what song because Henry never knows song names except for Ted Nugent ones. 

Early afternoon, we went to Kohl’s so I could buy new jeans and for the first time in years I didn’t have an emotional breakdown in the fitting room, 고맙습니다, Korea!!!!

Anyway, the whole point of mentioning Kohl’s is that there were these two middle-aged women loudly airing their dirty laundry RIGHT NEXT TO THE LAUREN CONRAD SECTION so I had to stand practically butted up against them, enduring their not-even-interesting drama. They were there every time I came back around and at one point I said loudly to Henry that they should take their lame bitch fest out to the parking lot instead of polluting our ears with it, because that’s how I handle conflict with strangers: passive aggressively, with loud immaturity. 

It was honestly the only time I was mad all day though so that’s pretty huge. I’m usually mad MANY times. 

I imprinted on this red leaf banana thing at some nursery we went to today. 

“Who imprints on a banana leaf plant?!” Henry cried. 

Um, me — I literally just said that?!

Henry wouldn’t buy it because it was $80 and that’s like a lot for a plant I guess? I literally do not know the value of a dollar. 

Chooch chose a plant for himself and mused, “I’ll name him A-ha, because I want to take him on.” OK, 80s kid?

Pet cemetery visit:( Chooch and I got really emotional and Henry didn’t know what to do so he just walked away because he doesn’t love animals. 

Obligatory ice cream from Yough Twist down the street from the pet cem. “Ugh I forgot this place has the inferior sprinkles!” I cried with my head back, dramatic damsel I am. 

“What’s wrong with them?” Henry and Chooch asked in tandem. 

“Well in addition to not being properly rainbow, they have a chalky taste,” I snapped because duh, just look at them. 

Beneath the inadequate sprinkled shell sat a perfect black raspberry & vanilla twist though, so once I hate-ate the sprinkles, I was good to go. 

Henry and Chooch also had ice cream, blah blah blah. 

Drew is like, “No really, you can trust me. I’m just gonna sit on them and help them grow.” 🙄

But seriously, these little propagations are coming along swimmingly in spite of PENELOPE digging them up once a week. 

Henry made me a snack plate with pineapple, kimchi, and pickled daikon – it was so refreshing. So refreshing that I went back for more pineapple which I then left out on the kitchen counter.  

“You left the pineapple out,” Henry said when he was visiting the kitchen later on. He sighed and put it away. 

Which is the exact outcome I expected, so why bother putting it away myself?

*******

In other news, G-Dragon’s new music is the most wonderful thing I’ve heard in so long and it made it to #1 on iTunes in 39 countries including the US which is crazy to me because most Americans I know are incredibly narrow-minded & ignorant when it comes to anything that’s not in English. Omg so weird and inferior. 

I still can’t believe I’m going to see him next month! I was thinking about it on the trolley yesterday, trying to imagine how I will react when I first see him, and I started to cry openly in front of people which sadly isn’t the first time that’s happened on the trolley. Dat bi-polar life, y’all.

******

It’s 8’oclock now and Chooch has stains all over my treasured Howard Jones shirt. Should I cry, laugh, or burn down the kitchen for real this time? I JUST DONT KNOW. GOODBYE. 

When I went to bed last night, there was a little over 5 hours left before G-Dragon’s comeback. I’m on late shift today and usually try to sleep in a bit, but my internal fan girl alarm woke me up a few minutes ago and the first thing I did was go to YouTube to see if the new MV was out and it is and it is beautiful and now I’m over here crying. My love for G-Dragon is reaching critical Robert Smith levels. 

His album is being released on a USB drive, why is he so cool omg. 

“Bullshit” was supposed to be his first single, but I guess in light of recent events with TOP, he decided to go with this softer track and I’m glad. I can’t imagine how stressful this is for him to have to go through a record release and a world tour thy starts in two days while TOP is in the hospital from a drug overdose, which is all I have been able to focus on this week, constantly refreshing for updates and praying that the guy doesn’t die!

When the news first broke early Tuesday morning, I went to work all shook over it and Glenn of course was no help, mocking the situation every which way, until I finally marched over to Amber’s desk and cried, “I think Glenn and I need to be separated today!” Ugh!

“If this happened to someone you like, I wouldn’t make fun of them!” I yelled at him. “Like, what if this was happening to, I don’t know, Jethro Tull?!”

“I wouldn’t care because I don’t know him personally!” Glenn laughed. 

OMG sociopath! 

I had so many emotions going through me that I probably would have flipped a table if I wasn’t at work. I mean, I’m fine. Nothing to see here. 

But in related news, Amber awarded me with the Golden Thumb* for the week due to my emotional trauma. I chose BBQ Pringles as my prize.

*(This is what my group passes around to whoever did a great job which is obviously always me but apparently we have to let other people get it sometimes too. 🙄)

Anyway, the whole TOP sitch is so messed up (last I heard this morning, he had finally opened his eyes) and it makes me sad that the pressure from Korean society basically did this to him. Being a Kpop idol is no joke, guys. And it makes me worry about G-Dragon too. I just want to hug all of them and I hate hugging people. 

#StayStrongTOP 

Maybe GD’s album will wake him up??

Well, another day with the covfefe king, another giant step backward for humanity. Every news alert has me stunned, just when I thought I couldn’t be any more stunned. So I’m just going to leave this super adorable video of Twice ordering ice cream on here because I’m mentally exhausted and extremely sad, and I think we could all use some ice cream and adorable Kpop idols in our lives right at this moment (i.e. Coping Mechanisms). 

I get to see them in three weeks!!