1. A Lesson In Physics

Henry babysits his grandkids on Wednesday evenings, so I often have to make my own dinner if I don’t feel like waiting for him to be done. I mean, he’s just right next door but I’m pretty accustomed to eating right after I log off of work. We had sweet potatoes and veggie burgers in stock, so I figured I would be a big girl and handle dinner for myself. Luckily, Chooch was at a friend’s house, so I didn’t have to also be a parent.

Since I was already using the microwave for the sweet potato, I decided to cook the veggie burger in a pan. This is something I have tackled on my own in the past, so I had confidence in myself. The only problem is that vegan cheese doesn’t melt very fast when I’m doing the pan thing, so I usually have to pop it in the microwave afterward.

But then!!! I had this really great idea that I could use a LID. I have done this before! It kind of works, sort of! Probably would work better if I had the patience to keep the lid on longer, but whatever. A girl’s gotta eat.

When I put the lid on, it immediately made this strong sucking sound and I quickly realized that it was now STUCK on the pan.  I panicked and took the pan off the stove so it could cool off and maybe let the lid pop off, but in my panic, I had slammed it down on the cutting board which is made from plastic, so now the kitchen had become ripe with the stench of MOLTEN PLASTIC AND BURNING PAN, as tendrils of the melted cutting board were dangling off the bottom of the pan like space creatures. I was SCREAMING, fighting for my life, trying to wrench the lid off with my hands wrapped in towels, but only succeeding in loosening the knob.

I really tried to resolve this on my own but after a solid minute of NO SOLUTIONS, NO HOTLINE TO CALL, I cried uncle and texted Henry.

Well, I guess you could say I cried “Henry.”

Now I had to put my shoes on while holding this piping hot pan over my head, while the cats were watching me – one was on high alert, the other was still half-asleep on the couch watching with one eye half-slitted open. I walk into Blake’s house and Calvin and Lily immediately are like FULL OF QUESTIONS.

“Why did you do that?”

“Because I can’t cook.”

“Why can’t you cook?!?!?!”

I DON’T KNOW, ASK MY MOM WHY SHE NEVER TAUGHT ME!

Meanwhile, Henry was performing pan surgery in the kitchen, trying not to swear in front of the kids, but being SO PISSED because he HATES when his kitchenware is abused. Apparently, I used “the wrong lid.” I thought it was the right one because it fit perfectly?

“YEAH THAT’S THE PROBLEM IT FIT TOO PERFECTLY,” Henry grunted, trying to wedge a knife in between the sides of the pan and the lid. And then he realized that in addition to the lid because the wrong size, allegedly, it was also the kind that had “long sides” so that’s what was making it even harder to get it off the pan. The steam/heat made the sides of the lid get sucked right on it. #physics

Literally, how will I ever live without Henry? I just do not have time for this basic adult life bullshit.

2. Doug’s Slow Descent

We had planned to go to Kennywood after work on Thursday. Like most amusement parks, they do a  holiday light thing and it’s included in our season pass, so why not? I had a feeling it was going to be p-p-p-acked, being the week after Christmas and an unusually, unseasonably balmy night of 55 degrees. I mean, we had just come out of a multi-day freezing cold snap so I figured this would bring people out in droves.

And I was correct. It was so crowded that we got stuck in stand-still traffic inside the parking lot. And Phantom doesn’t even run during the holiday season, so we started to question why we were even there. I had billed it earlier as “family fun time,” but Chooch goes, “There aren’t even any rides running?? How are we supposed to have fun together as a family then? You expected us to just walk around, looking at the lights? WOW, SO MUCH FUN.”

Mmm, sixteen-year-old backseat backtalk. Love that.

So, I called it. “Let’s just leave and go out to eat somewhere,” I sighed. It wasn’t that I was that broken up over Kennywood, because we had already been there like 6 or 7 times this season, but I was fucking hungry.

I pulled up Yelp as we left Kennywood, and then we all had a microburst of arguments over where to eat. You would think we’re new to the area the way we can never find a restaurant. Chooch and I both just wanted a veggie burger and Henry will eat anywhere, literally, would probably eat soup from a boot if he had to, so he didn’t care where we went. I just put “veggie burger” into Yelp and one of the options was some place called GOODFELLAS in Swissvale, which should have been the only red flag I needed. But I still said, “Let’s try this place called GOODFELLAS in Swissvale.”

We never go to that area of town really, but since we were still close to Kennywood when I was on Yelp, it came up in the search. I just knew it was a bar/lounge, and we’re fine with places like that. When we got there, the lot was PACKED so I thought, wow that’s a good sign. Maybe this place was good!

This is important to note for the future when you might wonder aloud, “Why is Henry not transitioning into Hero Mode?” – he had to go back to the car because as we were walking through the parking lot, I pointed out that Chooch was carrying his Dunkin’ coffee and he was just going to throw it out at the door until he realized there was no garbage can, so he made Henry take it back to the car, lol.

Chooch and I continued walking through the lot. There was an old man sitting in a chair outside of the place, and some not-as-old guy was standing next to him. The old guy got up from the chair right as Chooch and I approached. In one blurred motion, he turned to the other guy and promptly fell into him. Oh! OK. This is happening. Shit.

The other guy was too busy holding a cigarette and his beer, so he let the old man fall into him and then slide down his body ONTO THE GROUND, LANDING ON HIS FACE.  Literally, this was accompanied by a crumbling sound and a hollow thud as his body became one with the parking lot.

I screamed and the still-standing dude was just like so whatever about this, and proceeded to let the old man lay there??? In my CONCERNED CITIZEN tone, I say, “Oh my god, is he ok, do you need me to call 911?” It turns out, he was just suuuuuper drunk. Meanwhile, Henry is missing this big opportunity to be the HERO because he still hasn’t joined us?! The car was not THAT far away, so I feel like Henry purposely hung back because he didn’t want to get involved? It was so awkward because Chooch and I are so anti when it comes to people.

The standing guy is like, “No, he’s fine. COME ON DOUG, GET IT TOGETHER!” And then he like, nudges Doug with his foot.

The standing guy was really annoyed about this situation, but Doug was squirming face-down on the parking lot and I’m like, “Can I help?” because I feel like this is the thing to say at that moment, but dude is all, “No it’s fine, I got it, sorry guys,” as he’s PULLING DOUG UP WITH ONE HAND AND THEN RE-DROPPING HIM ONTO THE GROUND?? I wanted to flee so bad.

I was telling the group chat this story at work yesterday, thinking it would get maybe a “lol” and a “aw poor Doug,” BUT NO. It spiraled out into a sensation that lasted the ENTIRE WORK DAY. The Doug references never stopped flying. Nate wanted to change the chat name to “COME ON DOUG.” The Goodellas website was scoured and dissected. (They have a quinoa veggie burger!) Lauren considered switching her gym’s website to the Sinatra WordPress Theme: “Whatever gets me Doug,” she said.

“‘It’s a Swissvale thing, you just wouldn’t understand’,” Wendi quoted from the website. “Well that just says it all.”

Wendi suggested that Lauren also have a classy Last Supper mural in her gym, too, but with like WWE people.

“Like Chyna,” she said. “….and Elvis.”

I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard at work. I suggested that I have Doug pins made and this was met with a resounding YES PLZ so I called Henry.

“Henry,” I panted breathlessly. Laughing takes so much out of me. “Do we still have the pin maker?”

“Yes, why…” Henry asked, his words dragged down with the weight of so much suspicion. “Are you making Doug pins?” he asked with a sigh, already knowing the answer.

The day before in group chat, we were learning GenZ slang, some of which I knew, some I wish I didn’t.

“Guys, I just asked our Resident GenZ’r – Chooch – for his Doug review and he said ‘it wasn’t that deep. It probably happens to him every day, so.'”

We decided that “That’s so Doug” should be the new “that’s so mid.”

Glenn was disappointed that I didn’t get a video.

“Henry said we could probably go back tonight, and I’d have another opportunity,” I said.

“You could probably go right now,” Nate added.

I also suggested that we throw this place in the pot as a suggestion for our department’s post-Xmas work party and everyone was enthusiastically on board with this.

“We just need to rent a PT Cruiser, tommy guns and fedoras,” Nate said.

Hours later, Lauren said, “100% where even is Swissvale lol.”

Then our west coast crew signed on:

It was, sincerely, the best way to sign off to 2022. My work friends are so chaotic, and I love them with my whole heart!

UPDATE FROM 1/1/23: Henry and I are in the attic, still trying to clean this shit out so that Chooch can have a lounge/game room. Henry found an unopened bank statement from 2005. He opened it, glanced at it, and the first thing he saw was a charge from UDIPI CAFE which is where we ate after the DESCENT OF DOUG. WHAT DOES IT MEAN.

Oh hey let’s try to put Xmas 2022 to bed before 2023 happens.

We were originally going to host this year but then Corey offered to try his hand at it for the first time ever and we HAPPILY said ok!

You should know that Corey is totally like me in the sense that he is severely lacking in a lot of basic life skills. OK, he’s probably definitely more of an adult than I am, even though he’s 10 years younger, but when it comes to KITCHEN STUFF, we are motherfucking TODDLERS. The days leading up to Xmas were very stressful for him and I could tell by the CAPSLOCK texts he was sending from Trader Joe’s that he was on the edge.

Even little decisions like “elderberry lemon or rhubarb soda? I’LL GET BOTH” had him spiraling out.

The biggest hurdle for him was conquering the SPINACH DIP recipe he found on TIKTOK. He ended up getting the wrong cheese and asked me if aged parmesan would work instead of mozzarella, as if I would know?!!?

It turned out great, whatever he did to it! And he had it arranged so nicely, I was v. proud of him! Food placement is my forte, food prep not so much, so the fact that he pulled off BOTH was very impressive to me!

Henry made the ham for the meat-o’s (le grossioso) and a vegan beef Wellington for me and Chooch, and my mom made all the delicious sides.

OK, so Henry didn’t make the version I sent him because it included a mushroom pate layer and beets, meaning that Chooch would not be partaking, but this basic ass version was still incredibly delectable. I have never had a real beef Wellington and my only frame of reference for it was Gordon Ramsey forcing the cooks on Hell’s Kitchen to make it, resulting in 99% of them getting it thrown back at them to the tune of “YOU DONKEY!”

Corey wanted to try it too, which resulted in Henry having to cut it for him….

….something he’s been doing since 2004. :)

BUT YOU GUYS YOU GUYS WAIT YOU GUYS: Henry made the earl grey pie again!!!

Apparently, he realized while making this one that he left out a step when making the one for the pie party – he forgot to mix in the whipped cream. This didn’t change the taste too much but it did make it fluffier. I liked how the OG one had more of a butterscotch pie-texture, but it was still good.

Also, he went rogue on the first pie and added orange zest and juice to the milk while it was steeping and forgot to do it this time. Also, he didn’t have pistachios so he had to borrow some of Buddy’s walnuts.

Actually, this pie was basically completely different, now that I think about it!

Still fucking delicious though.

Wow. Happiness!

I got to sit in this chair from my Pappap’s house!

Then it turned into game night. Chooch brought really complicated games with him, forgetting that the Kelly Sibs like simple stuff. Mysterium was not that.

We took a break to do the Christmas Crackers I brought over. We have never done this before and apparently didn’t do it right at all, plus we all thought that they were going to explode with confetti so it was super anti-climatic except for Henry hitting me in the head:

Ryan got Chooch Code Words for Xmas, so we played that next. Chooch was really getting pissed at Corey for deviating from the directions, which was hilarious. Chooch can be a real dick when he’s in charge.

Clandestine shot of my mom!

A nice sibling picture. I was mad at the first attempts because my enthusiasm wasn’t being matched. This was the most I could get out of them!

It was such a fun night, and the only note I can end it on is…..

WEENER HAM.

Hey-o, happy Thursday. Today I want to be sharing the homemade presents I prepared for my sibs and mom. I’m still on this kick where I want to repurpose the wallpaper that was salvaged from my Pappap’s house, and when my mom made me swear I wouldn’t spend money on Christmas gifts for her, I had an idea to use the wallpaper as the mat / background on a framed picture of the Gillcrest house.  I decided to make one for both of my brothers too since they both recently moved into their own homes and could probably use some personal effects like framed pictures.

I mean, OK, fine, I had to spend money on the frames, but they were 50% off at….Hobby Lobby, ugh. I’m such a sell-out. Much hypocrisy.

I love this shot so much because it’s how I will always remember the house. Flowering dogwood trees, sprawling lawn, blue skies. I think that I’m finally, mostly, at peace with the situation but what I wouldn’t give to go back in time and make sure the GROWN-UPS in the family did things differently in my Pappap’s absence. So much of what happened was preventable and it makes me sick that this house is now essentially gutted and in some stranger’s hands. I don’t think anyone is even living there! It’s almost like whoever bought it ran out of money partway into the renovations.

Not-so-secretly, I hope that Sharon is haunting THE FUCK out of that property.

Anyway. AHEM. Here is what the final products looked like:

I gave this one to Ryan: the wallpaper is from the living and dining rooms.

This one was for my mom: wallpaper from my grandparent’s bedroom. As she was watching Corey opening his, she rolled her eyes and said, “You and that wallpaper” and then saw that she also got a picture, so….lol.

Corey got the one using Sharon’s bedroom wallpaper because I thought it would mean the most to him, and also because he inherited some of her bedroom furniture when he bought a house!

My other gift came in the form of indulging Corey in his obsession with recreating our old sibling photos.

I suggested the following, with the idea that Henry could be Santa, but Corey said, “I am NOT sitting on Henry’s lap.” Lol!

I’m pretty sure this was taken at Meder’s, which is a greenhouse/nursery place that used to have reindeer in the back during the holidays that you could feed but then I think they got in trouble for having them or something so that’s no longer a thing, but they still have a Santa photo set-up as far as I know. Even when Chooch was a kid, I preferred coming to Meder’s for his annual Ho Ho portrait rather than the mall.

One time we brought Blake with us too when he was a teenagers and Santa told him to pull up his pants – this was when Blake was a scene kid and wore too-small skinny jeans. Blake was so pissed lol.

Anyway, we settled for this one which was mid but we chose it because Corey actually had the painting of the blue chair in his dining room.

I wasn’t too thrilled about this because I’m Ug City as usual but at least I’m super great at recreating my natural resting fug face with ease.

I think that Corey and I would have continued to ask for more retakes until we got it more accurate (my head is tilted the wrong way.!!!!) but Ryan was like LET US PLEASE PUT THIS TASK TO BED.

So, that was part of my Christmas recap. I’ll be back later to tell you about dinner & games OH BOY!

I treated myself (fine, and Henry) to tickets to see Kang Daniel in Toronto in March! This is by far the cheapest Kpop concert I will have ever attended – less than $100 for BOTH tickets. It’s at a small theater, and I got us general admission tickets for the floor (standing room only) after confirming with Henry that he was OK with standing, god forbid.

Granted, we now have to cough up the bucks for a hotel, gas, food, etc. since it’s in Toronto, but we both genuinely love Toronto so much and are always talking about revisiting. We actually almost planned a spontaneous weekend trip last month because Chooch wanted to eat at Doomie’s, and I was like, “Yeah, I could also go for some Doomie’s,” and just when we had Henry half on board, we realized that DOOMIE’S CLOSED. It’s only in LA now :(

I am so stoked to see Kang Daniel, though!! He was my favorite in Wanna One and I was so relieved that he was able to embark on successful solo career about their disbandment. He is truly thriving and every single comeback he’s had has been a banger.  I think my favorite is still Upside Down, though! It’s always got me hitting replay.

Henry is more of a “I know his name and that’s all” type of guy, but every time I played him another song the other night, he would go, “Oh. Yeah, I know this one, too.”

He’s just GOOD. I don’t know what else to tell you. I will say though that the first time we were in Korea, his former group Wanna One seemed to be more popular there than even BTS. There was Wanna One stuff EVERYWHERE. They were even on posters for some kind of Cheetos fried chicken, and each individual member was featured on candy bars.

This one was my favorite Kang Daniel song for quite some time. Every time I hear it, I scream to Henry, “DOESN’T IT SOUND LIIKE THAT ONE SHUDDER TO THINK SONG??” and every single time, he looks at me like I’m nuts and yells, “NO.”

I hope I’m not jinxing anything by talking about this mths in advance like I did with our 2020 Euro Coaster trip that Covid ruined. I’m just so excited to be going to a Kpop concert in a city that I love so much – I’m going to be watching YouTube videos of Toronto Vegan stuff from now until March.

2022 has not been a good reading year for me. My New Year’s Resolution I think is to start physically going to the library and browsing the shelves again like pre-Covid times. I need to stop relying on Booktube & Goodreads as much.

Anyway, here are my November reads, which feels like it happened so long ago.

1. Just By Looking at Him – Ryan O’Connell

I really enjoyed this. The characters were bright and well-written, the dialogue was very trendy. I have been watching Uncoupled and would recommend this book to anyone who is enjoying that or any TV show similar to that. I gave it a 4. Apparently the guy who wrote it also writes for TV, and it felt like it (not in a negative way).

2. Such Sharp Teeth – Rachel Harrison

OK RACHEL HARRISON. I had been dying for this book to come out ever since reading Cackle last year. That book was witch-centric, and this one is her foray into lycanthropia. (Is that a word? The red squiggles under it says otherwise, lol.) While I didn’t love this one as much as Cackle, it still had that Harrison-feel to it. The dialogue is so irreverent and suitable for Lorelai Gilmore to spit across a table at Luke’s Diner.

I loved it and can’t wait for her next one!

3. When I Was You – Minka Kent

I gave this 3 stars but it was a snooze, honestly. I barely remember it.

4 Hidden Pictures – Jason Rekulak

Dude, this was pretty decent! Apparently, it won the Goodreads Award for best horror book of the year. I’m not sure I would go that far (though I didn’t really read very much popular horror this year) but I really devoured it. I love ghost stories that also involve kids, plus this one had a pretty crazy swerve toward the end that had me almost-screaming.

I had the physical book for this one and I’m glad I did because it includes copies of drawings made by the little boy in the book who may or may noy be possessed by a spirit.

I think the reason why I didn’t REALLY love it was because I couldn’t connect well with the main character, the young woman who becomes the live-in nanny for the aforementioned boy. I mean, I was still rooting for her, but all of the characters were just a bit too flat, in my opinion. The story was memorable, the people not so much. Still, I gave this 4 stars, and would recommend it probably just to casual horror fans or people looking for something moderately chilling.

5. White Is For Witching – Helen Oyeyemi

Helen Oyeyemi’s writing is not easy to digest. This is the second book of hers I’ve conquered now, and it really does feel like winning. This probably sounds like I’m leading up to an abysmal rating, but Oyeyemi might actually be one of my favorite authors. She is so WEIRD and scarily brilliant in the way she tells her stories. At one point in the book, I realized that there was a certain thing she was doing to convey the switching of POV between the main people in the book and THE FUCKING HOUSE. The house tell its own side of the story and it’s just…this is the most unique “haunted house” / “ghost story” I think I have ever read.  It took me over a week to read this and it’s only 200-some pages, because I have to read her pages slowly in order to understand everything and make sure I don’t miss a thing.

In other words, this is not a beach read. This is a “hunker down during a snowstorm with the phone in another room” fantastical experience.

I am so obsessed with Helen Oyeyemi’s brain.

6. The Shame – Makenna Goodman

This book was so short yet felt like it was never going to end. I don’t even know what it was about. It was so boring.

7. The Honeys – Ryan La Sala

The first young adult book in A MINUTE that I actually liked. Plus, that cover! The majority of the book takes place at a summer camp where a teenage boy is trying to figure out what was going on with his sister before her untimely death. I needed something “light” to listen to while I was repainting the cat wall and while this ended up being pretty dark, it was definitely riveting and the audio book itself was very well produced – I loved that there were “camp” sounds that could be heard in the background.

Plus, can we talk about that cover? 4 out of 5. I’ll read more from this guy for sure.

8. Palm Beach Finland – Antti Tuomainen

I have been wanting to read some books with Scandinavian / Nordic / Finnish settings and this was the first one on my list that the library had available. It’s not that I thought it was BAD per se, but like….I had no idea what was going on for most of it, and it seemed entirely too long for what it was. The characters were quirky, the setting was exactly what the name of the book implies – some tacky Florida-themed beach resort in Finland that the property owner was desperate to have take off. It’s just one folly after another, with accidental murders left and right, a Dumb & Dumber petty criminal duo who cause hijinks to ensue every time they’re together. It wasn’t BAD but there were numerous times when I was like, “OK let’s speed this shit up.” I couldn’t read very many pages at a time without losing interest.

9. The Remaking – Clay McLeod Chapman

Big shrug. It was OK. It started off strong, I thought, but then I thought it was pretty cheesy. It 100% wasn’t very scary either.

I gave it a 2, apparently. Sounds about right.

10. Flipped – Wendy Dalrymple 

I needed something short and light to wrap up November and I found this on Scribd. It was fine! Just what I wanted. Nothing deep. I gave it a 3. No strong opinion either way.

Bye!

Another Christmas, here and gone. Amazing how fast it goes , right? I used to hate the holiday season so much but the older I get, the more I appreciate it. And it’s nice, although a bit bittersweet, now that Chooch is older because there is less pressure to crowd the “tree” with useless toys that he will likely never play with. Now he has more appreciation for what he gets and it’s just…nice.

This year, he has a recently-piqued interest for board games, but like the ones that are really involved and require a rapt attention and high intellect. So basically, games that are not for me. We got him a nice little starter collection, I think, and it was just very helpful having an actual THING to go with this year – the last several years, we were lost when it came to buying gifts for him.

Of course, I had fun making up random people that his gifts were from. One of the gift tags came with “From: Santa” always printed on it, so I added an ” ‘s Butt Doctor.”

I also got him a small window hanging of the flag of Tunisia which he inexplicably had become obsessed with and kept thinking that he saw it everywhere in Tennessee over thanksgiving to the point where it became a big joke.

Haha guess you had to be there.

Meanwhile, I had to laugh because Megan and Henry both got me gifts that catered to exact opposite ends of my musical spectrum! These were perfect presents. <3

Drew and Penelope got cat litter paper bags, stockings stuffed toys, and packages of treats! (Ignore the rug – it needed vacuumed bigly.)

Then Henry and I watched all the live performances at the annual Gayo Dajeon show in Korea, and my favorite was this one by NCT Dream:

This song is so special!!  I’ve mentioned this on here before, but NCT Dream was formed as the “under-20” subunit of NCT with the understanding that once a member reached age 19 or 20, they would “graduate” out of the group. So, it was never meant to be a “fixed unit,” you know? Mark (in the middle with light blue hair) was the first to graduate and it was INCREDIBLY SAD. He is also in NCT127, so it wasn’t like he was stranded without a group to fall back on, but it was still sad. Apparently, the fans flooded SM Entertainment with their concerns and dislike for this system, so SM was like, “OK FINE,” brought back Mark, and made NCT Dream a fixed unit. So, this song relates to that and I just love it even though it hurts my heart, too.

Then Chooch was pissed because a Stray Kids performance came on next and he didn’t know who they were, so I said, “Watch this” and I muted it and called Henry in.

“Henry, do you know who this is?” I asked.

He looked at the muted TV for .0003 seconds before saying, “Stray Kids.” No hesitation, no question.

“Wow, you’re so cool,” Chooch mumbled. Then went on to complain about how he doesn’t like any of the “new” kpop, just the older stuff. I know he’s mostly just annoyed that it’s become so popular in America. He’s worse than me!

Later in the afternoon, we went to Pink Box for our (newish) traditional Asian buns which we normally would eat while strolling around the local cemetery, but well, you know the weather.

We love Pink Box so so so much! This is so much better than when we would try to scrounge together an entire picnic to uncomfortably eat at the freezing cold (usually!) cemetery. Chooch really likes this new tradition because we no longer do a full-fledged photoshoot like we used to. Mostly because he’s TOO OLD and STUBBORN now.

Yo, it actually wasn’t THAT cold to just pop out of the car and take a quick family selfie but even this made the guys irritated. Wow, just wow, Merry Xmas.

Also: LOL at this being taken at the exact moment Chooch realized he chose his bun poorly. He wanted savory and got a curry green onion and immediately regretted it. Henry ended up trading with him and I took a bite too – it was perfectly fine, but I can see why he would have been a bit taken aback – it was very strong. I felt like it was more so the green onions than the curry though.

Fun fact: I bought this coat for Chooch from Uniqlo several years ago for Xmas and he was like, “HAHA NICE TRY I WILL NEVER WEAR THAT NOR ANY COAT SO DON’T BOTHER” so it’s mine now, I guess.

Wow, what a jump.

We went back home after this, and Henry continued slaving away in the kitchen. We weren’t having Xmas here, but he was still in charge of the ham (gag me), the pie, and the vegan beef Wellington that I selected to satisfy the vegetarian representatives at the table.

The rest of the evening was spent at Corey’s, which I will recap in a separate post because I’m lethargic AF today.

Hello from our house on Xmas Eve! It’s been a pretty chill night. We had Henry’s friend Andrew and his wife Karen over earlier in the evening. Henry made his first ever shoofly pie and you know what? It was pretty good, I can’t lie. And I’m a big shoofly snob.

Traditional “shake every present” night, aka Xmas Eve.

I do this thing where every gift is from a random person/celeb/inside joke, for example, one is from the guy who randomly walked into our house last month and then stayed for man hour.

Chooch just picked one up and said, “please tell Haechan that I don’t want anything from him.”

:(

After taking a family portrait with Trudy (originally typed this as Turdy, lol, sorry lady, Mama’s had some wine tonight), I remembered that my photobooth app thingie exists so I demanded that we do this as a family:

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Chooch didn’t last long, and Henry did the bare minimum as usual. “This is more something that you and Corey should do together,” Henry mumbled, and you know?

He’s not wrong, so I made sure to tuck the selfie stick into the gifts that we’re taking to Corey’s tomorrow. SO LOOK FOWARD TO THAT, I GUESS.

OK, I’m going to attempt to do some kpop cardio while intoxicated and wearing narwal slippers.

I might be wishing you all a Merry Xmas from the hospital later, we’ll see.

Baby’s First Xmas Party since 2019! I only invited a handful of friends because this was the first time in years having people over and I was lowkey kind of nervous about it?!

First punches since…well, maybe even BEFORE 2019 because that was the Xmas party where I had a hot chocolate bar instead of punch! It was fun gussying up the beverage buffet like old times,  that’s for sure.

Punch on the left is “Tree-Trimming Punch” and the one on the right is a kid-friendly apple cider party punch for Chooch and his friends Zakk and Haojie, who hung out on the backporch (it’s a 3 season room with a concrete floor, so…not very winter-friendly) after I went through great lengths to clean it during the week and had numerous convos with Henry afterward about putting the kerosene heater back there and then the day of the party, I brought it up again and he acted like this was the first he was hearing of it, which is tres typical of Gaslighter Guy, let me just say. So we had a fight of course and then he had to go to BUSY BEAVER at the last minute to buy kerosene which is a thing that could have happened much earlier in the week had he fucking HEARD ME.

And the whole ass time, he kept rubbing his lips together about how IT WASN’T EVEN NECESSARY, IT’S NOT GOING TO BE THAT COLD, TEENAGE BOYS DON’T CARE and I was having to astral project my fist to a meditation camp on a planet ruled by Korean unicorns  in an effort to keep it from smashing into Henry’s face instead.

We will…revisit this later. It will come up again, I promise.

I had to pick Chooch’s ass from work at 6 (the party started at 7!!!) so I was severely running behind on setting everything up. Because of this, not everything was put out, I didn’t make labels, the kitchen was in final form. I was a mess, as usual. Haojie was the first to arrive and he brought a platter of vegetable lo mein from his family’s restaurant (Tong Garden in Brookline, it’s fantastic!) which I thought was so sweet! Who knew teenagers could be thoughtful?! Well, I’m sure his parents had a lot to do with that.

Then Janna came around 7:05 after saying she was going to come EARLY because she had to “use [our] broiler,” whatever that meant. She made really delicious sweet potato rounds with melted ricotta cheese and craisins and WALNOOTS that she had to borrow from my squirrels, ugh. (Don’t worry – I opened a fresh bag for her, I didn’t take them from the squirrels’ food bowl outside, lol.) Also, it was hilarious when she asked Henry if he had any walnuts, because he frowned, sighed, and said, “Ask your friend.” When she asked me, I whipped open the doors of the beverage buffet to reveal the squirrels’ stash, lol.

Do I have walnuts. Ha!

The only thing I sort of made was a gingerbread dip, but that entailed me walking away as Henry was setting up all the ingredients for me and then never returning until it was time to “fold” in the Cool Whip. I thought I could handle that part so I wrenched the spatula from him.

“What are you doing?” he cried.

“I’m folding it,” I said, like, le duh.

“That’s not folding, that’s punching!” and then I was dismissed.

Also, in the back you can see the kimbap that Henry made which I asked him to stack in the shape of the Xmas tree and he clearly didn’t understand the assignment. It’s fine. At least they tasted good.

Megan’s “thing” is making super creative cheese balls for parties and I was so honored to have one of her creations on my party table! OMG it was so good but no one wanted to be the first one to dive in so she made me do it. I went straight for the head.

Holiday booze.

I wasn’t paying attention but this coffee table party spread was devoured and I never had a chance to replenish it because I was so caught up in telling terrible stories about myself and showing Picasso-esque nude portraits painted of me and Henry by death row pen pals.

Dude you guys, I saw a YouTube video for gochujang caramel cookies and knew Henry had to make them. They were fucking AMAZING. Maybe I’m the only one who thought that (although there was only one left) but I was obsessed and can’t wait for the next opportunity when “I” have to bake cookies for something because it will be these. If you don’t know what gochujang is because you’re not all about Korea like me, it’s a fermented spicy red pepper paste that is used in a LOT of Korean dishes. It has a very distinct and unique taste and I wasn’t sure how this was going to work, but it’s like a delicious, moist sugar cookie with ribbons of a sweet gochujang caramel swirled throughout. It doesn’t hit you until the end when the heat creeps in. I love these so much. I love gochujang in general though! I put heaping dollops of it on my bibimbap.

Now I want bibimbap.

Gochujang Girl. Also, not me wearing a shirt to my party that I only just bought that day.

There were only 14 people (including us and Chooch’s friends) there that night but it got REALLY LOUD at one point (Henry said it was mostly because of me and Corey). Blake, who lives next door, was out for part of the night and there was a babysitter over there, so I’m sure that was awesome for whoever it was, maybe Henry’s ex-wife LOLOL.

Wonka!

I spent the whole evening sitting on the church pew in the “new corner” of the living room and I have to say – it was more cozy than I expected and it was fun to get a new vantage point since I’m 99.9% of the time sitting on the couch.

Lori posing with Trudy.

Law Firm Squad!

This was the first time I REALLY got to talk to Wonka’s wife, Jess, and it was excellent. We need to have a couples night because literally the only time I ever see them is during one of my chaotic gatherings.

The vacant wheelchair tells me that this was around the time we lost Wonka and Corey to the back porch, where they decided to try and hang with the teens. It was around this time when I noticed Henry lighting the kerosene heater, so I got REALLY obnoxious at this point, yelling, “OH HO HO LOOK WHO’S LIGHTING THE KEROSENE HEATER EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT GOING TO BE COLD OUT THERE!”

Henry just frowned deeper into his mustache, while Wonka said, “No, it’s REALLY cold back here!”

“I told you it wouldn’t be a problem until the adults went back there,” Henry mumbled. Apparently Corey was trying to turn on the heater himself and Henry had to intervene which is even funnier to me because Corey is just the boy version of me. We have very little life skills.

I loved that all of my friends inter-mingled with each other. I have always prided myself on having totally inclusive gatherings where everyone is introduced to each other and ends up with new friends. I have been to two of Megan’s parties so far and hers are the same – totally chill and not awkward which says a lot because my social skills bend just far enough backward to where I can create awkwardness in almost any sitch.

Although lately, I feel like I’m starting to get a bit of the old me back. I’m a Leo for Christ’s sake but only the people super close to me would know it. In the past, I used to present ALL LEO TRAITS to everyone I met. Loud, outgoing, maybe even a little bitchy…bring that Erin back, please.

Megan tried to leave at 11 and I held her hostage for another hour. It’s what I do.

When I was showing Megan and Eric my Cure wall upstairs, Eric said he felt like he was at the Mattress Factory and that was top tier compliment, honestly. I love the Mattress Factory and most of their exhibits are totally my aesthetic.

There was one point where Corey innocently asked, “Did you get a ring yet?” and I felt so triggered that I snapped, “WHAT? WHAT RING???”

“Oh my god,” he murmured, backing away from me slightly. Then he held out his phone and showed me the feed from his Ring security camera and I laughed, “OH! HAHA, THAT RING.”

I sincerely thought he meant an engagement ring, not that that’s something that has been on the forefront of my mind for 20+ years or anything.

:I

Megan and I “jabber” all day long at work, so it’s been nice to see her more out in the real world lately! Three times in a little over a week this month alone!

I billed this party as a “casual Xmas get-together” and I think it lived up to the description. It was super caj.

Until Chooch hijacked it and turned it into game night. Janna was visibly anguished when she saw Chooch pull out Scattergories. I am a real treat to play that one with! Jess escaped the madness and hung out with Henry, Ricky, and Dawn in the dining room for this portion of the night and I don’t blame her. It got so rowdy, especially with Corey’s bombastic laugh and me screaming at Janna lol.

P was the letter for one of the rounds and I answered PUNK ASS BITCH for “something in the room” and pointed emphatically at Janna when I screamed it. GOING BACK TO MY ROOTS!

Corey answered 9/11 for “Something made out of metal” and I still don’t understand it, but it felt very dark. He was taking this game to some sinister places, that’s for sure.

I don’t know what was going on here, but Chooch looked like a bookie and was acting totally manic.

SHUT UP, JANNA.

(LOL, j/k Janna!)

At some point, it had started snowing really bad?! I felt pretty awful about that.

Wonka wanted a picture of the three of us sitting on the couch like old times and I was happy to oblige! We used to have so much fun here back in the day, with the exception of a few bad seeds who used to hang around. It was really fun to reminisce about some of those random Internet people who I lured over here to hang out (THAT IS HOW I MET WONKA!!!!).

Then I wanted to do one where we were all “Doing Something,” which is how I pulled something in my side and then Jess said it’s actually possible to break a rib by doing stupid, minimal movements so then that sent my hypochondriac mind into a tailspin.

Jess & Wonka!

Dawn and Ricky! I love it when I get to hang out with them outside of the Castle but I didn’t get to talk to them much because Henry stole them!!! But, a bunch of are making plans to go to Castle Blood for the St. Patrick’s Day event that they’re having and I’m excited because I love going to the Castle but I especially love bringing fresh blood with me!

From the moment Corey set foot in the house, he homed in on the Feliz Navidad balloons and said, “I need my picture taken there before I leave.” I Think he said it like 4x!

I love this one because Taemin is part of it!

I would leave those balloons up forever if they’d stay a’puff.

Then Corey accidentally knocked over an ice cream cone planter I got at South of the Border and was so upset about it but it’s totally fine and can easily be glued back together – he is seriously obsessing over it though and even texted me about it again today!

I made those cookies. They’re just the Nestle Toll House ones though where the dough is pre-made and you just break it off and cook it haha. I added Xmas sprinkles though and everyone said they were delectable.

So there.

Anyway, the party came to end around 2am, and I can’t remember the last time I had a party that went on this late! It was so much fun, so great to bullshit with old friends and new friends, while drinking punch and pigging it out on party food.

Chooch is already planning the next party (a game night, I have passed the torch to him) so I’m looking forward to more chaos in the future!

You know how Chooch became obsessed with that dumb radio trivia game last year when I started driving him to school? And he programmed the radio station’s # into his phone so he could call every morning?

Well, it finally happened. Last Monday, he called, and they answered. My reaction? Aw, come the fuck on.

Especially when the co-host Melanie asked, “OK Riley, and who you got with you?” So, he introduced me (Mom Erin) and his friend Zakk who had hitched a ride with us (Friend Zakk) and now we all had to play the dumb trivia game.

I was pretty irritated because I really hate this radio station, and the hosts of the morning show are like, ugh. Not as over the top as some morning show DJs out there, but Bubba especially can get pretty wound up and they just play shitty music overall (Top 40 shit like Post Malone and that SUPER UNCOMFY Nicki Minaj song that plays every single time when they tell people to call for Escalation and I casually turn it way down because that is NOT the song you want your ears to experience in tandem with the ears of teenage boys.

Just, nope.

Anyway, now here we are, on hold while the rest of SUPER FREAK plays on the radio (it is always this song right before Escalation!), waiting for Bubba to put us on the air. Bubba is notorious for SCREAMING the Escalation announcement, super screechy and out-of-tune. As of late, he’s been giving callers the opportunity to weigh in if they want it loud or, I dunno, delicate. I usually turn the volume down because I can’t handle it.

He asked Chooch how he wanted it and Chooch was all, against everything we believe in, “I dunno, go big I guess, sure, why not.” UGH UGH UGH WE ARE SUCH SELL OUTS.

Very quickly, because I’m already tired of writing this since I have talked about it like 27 times since it happened, Escalation is 5 questions, starting at $5. If you get it right, you can give the money back and keep playing for more, or you can take what you’ve won and call it a day. The first question is always really easy. Ours was, “Blank on a shelf.”

Second: “Name a drink you can make with powder.”

I was .00005 seconds away from screaming Tang, but Chooch beat me to it with, “Chocolate milk.”

Mmm, ok. Go off with you chocky milk.

Third question is always – and here, Bubba pauses and makes the caller say MULTIPLE CHOICE: “How many pieces are on a chess board.” I flat out said, “Oh I don’t know this one” but Chooch the savant is over there counting the imaginary chessboard he drew up in the space in front of him and got it right. Thank god someone in our house knows how to play chess!

Fourth question they directed to me since it involved alcohol: Something about what the measurement of alcohol is called in liquor. This was fresh on my mind having just walked past like 7 moonshine distilleries when we were in Tennessee. Chooch was relieved because he didn’t  know it.

The last question, well, I’ll let you watch it:

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I mean, yay us for winning $100, but man, I can’t we sold out AGAIN by actually saying, “I love you” back. I always said I would never say it and there I was, being all fake. I told my hair stylist about it today and she was like, “I always thought that was so weird that he says that to every caller. I hate that for you.”

But can I just say that I don’t know where Waterloo came from? You can even hear it in my voice, I do not sound confident about this. In fact, after I said it, I was convinced that it was wrong and that there was some coven of actually smart Bubba Show listener-Yinzers out there scoffing at my blondness. Literally all of my friends were like, “You probably knew it from Abba.”

I assure you, even though I know Abba songs, that is not one of them. (I googled it and laughed so hard when I saw that the literal first line is about Napoleon surrendering in Waterloo?!) I clearly learned it at some point in school and it was just…repressed.

The one good thing is that this show is on so early in the morning, so I figured probably no one I actually know was listeing. But when I was telling my friend Margie about winning on the radio the next day at work, she goes, “Wait–WATERLOO???” She fucking heard us but missed the beginning and didn’t realize it was me. Great, now I’m Waterloo Girl, I guess.

Even back in high school, I never wanted to be on the radio but I was ALWAYS calling in to request songs. Every time, without fail, I would say that I was Susie from Clairton, but 95% of the time, I was calling LiteFM and I’m quite sure I was part of the 1% of teenagers tuning in for their daily dose of Gino Vannelli and Barry Manilow.

I was cruising on this adrenaline autobahn for quite some time because even though I hated hated hated having to be performative on the radio, it was cool to win, you know? But then that night, Chooch came down the steps and, apropos of nothing, scoffed, “I wish the last question was something different, something I knew the answer to.”

“OH, THERE IT IS!” I cried, knowing that this was probably eating him up inside, the little competitive bitch. “You can’t stand the fact that I won it for us!”

“It’s still my $100,” he said, retreating back to his room to pout.

We were so caught up in everything else going on in life that we barely got Trudy trimmed in time for our party on Saturday! We attempted this on Friday but of course, all of her lights were dead, as they are every year, so we went to Target at 9pm that night and managed to get two boxes of lights even though everything in that section was majorly picked over.

Lo, Dame Trude in all her ‘Tude

‘

We were pretty skimpy with Trudy’s accoutrements this year, to be honest.  Lights, garland, Santa hat, done.

But she still looks smashing! She’s a dish, after all.

I still love this buffet so much and I’m sorry but pink and green are totally Christmas-y.

Hat tip to Chooch.

I added the stars to this wall while watching the last episode of Harry & Meghan, in case you were wondering. I had no opinion of them before but by the first minute of the first episode, I was all in. Totally on their side. Fuck the royal family.

나무

This section needed refreshed so badly. I really loved the cat head wall, but it was time for a change. Now it acts as a better transition between the dining room and living room.

Like I have any idea what I’m talking about, haha.

*****************

Thank you. That has been my Xmas decoration tour.

In other news, I went into the office today because my work friend Chris is in town from Singapore! Chris left the Firm back in, I want to say, 2015? He was one the most charismatic people in our department and it’s never been the same since. Anyway, he came back last spring!! But the catch was that he’d be working out of our Singapore office. But really, what does it matter considering none of us really work in the office anyway so it’s not like we’d be seeing him either way.

Still, it’s been fun having him back even virtually, seeing his name in my inbox, etc. So, when I found out that he’d be in the Pgh office today, I was sucked it up and went in. It was just Margie, Amber, Lucas, Ethan, Sue, Aaron, and Sharon who were also there, but it was so nice and actually felt like a normal day. We went to lunch at McCormick and Schmick’s where I totally imprinted on our waiter who I SWEAR ONLY MADE EYE CONTACT WITH ME EVERY TIME HE ADDRESSED THE TABLE, HELLO FUTURE HUSBAND.

He is from Buffalo and loves being outside in extremely cold weather for sporting events so that might be a deal breaker. I haven’t decided yet.

At one point during the afternoon, Chris came over to Lucas’s office to ask for his insight on a conflict check he was working on, and then Ethan was chiming in, and I felt this intense wave of familiarity and comfort. I Jabber’d Amber, “This feels like old times” and she said she was thinking the same thing.

I like my current position a lot but days like today make me miss being on the other side of things. I wish I could do both, but I tried that for like 3 years and it just wasn’t sustainable – my brain still feels partially melted on one side from it.

Sorry. Boring work stuff.

It was dark when I left at 5:30. How absolutely depressing, so here’s the new NCT Dream MV to bring the colorful, happy vibes back.

I’m off work today because I had time to use up and I’m bored and restless so let’s do a free-form memory dump. OK? OK.

Firs I want to talk about the Christmas dinner I had with some work friends! Debby and Marlene retired last year, so Megan and I occasionally meet up with them for dinner because keeping in touch is so important. There are quite a few people I have lost touch with over the years from past jobs.  I HATED my job at MSA so bad, but I miss Collin, Bob, and Bill very much. I am still moderately in touch with Bill at least, mostly through his wife Natasha whom I had also become friends with. They used to come to all of my parties and were/are just such great people (and Bill is an amazing baker who, FUN FACT, baked the smash cake for Chooch’s first birthday to match the monster invitations that Henry and I had made!) but then they moved to Arkansas (whomp whomp). But!! Now they livein Harrisburg, which isn’t too terribly far away so perhaps we’ll make a road trip out that way and make them go to Vegetable Hunter with us.

ANYWAY. It was my turn to come up with a venue for our Christmas dinner. I gave three options and they one we all decided on was Zarra’s in Oakland. None of us had ever been there and all I knew was that it’s in the location of the old Electric Banana club.

I made reservations because you can never be too sure but you guys, we were the only people there. Like, the entire effing night. Just our table!! Well, there were two old guys at the table by the door when we arrived, but still.

This place reminded me like a cross between The Zenith and the Bayernhof? I personally loved it but…I’m not so sure about Debby and Marlene, lol. It did feel a bit like it was a front for…something? And our waitress was a young college girl who was TOO CHATTY and talked to us for a solid ten minutes about how she’s a camp counselor, going into great detail, and we were really just trying to order our food.

Also, our salads came after our meals because “he” whoever “he” was, had to go and buy tomatoes?

Also x2, we had to request a bread basket because we were fucking starving and why wasn’t it already provided to us?

Also x3, the waitress went through a painstaking process of telling us “how to eat the bread” (which we had to wait for as well because “he” was slicing it)  with the oil she provided (le duh) and then said, “It’s like sex in your mouth” which was not something that went over well with some, lol.

Also x4, Michael Buble was BLASTING on the sound system which was located right behind Debby and we egged her on about turning it down herself, so she tried to but turned the wrong knob and ended up shutting the whole thing off, but then it randomly turned back on and our waitress ended up turning it down for us and said that she thinks “Johnny is going deaf,” the same Johnny that she also said might be in the mob, the same Johnny who evidently was one of the old men sitting at the front table when we walked in.

We heard a lot about Johnny that night.

I actually hate this picture of me so much, but what can you do?!!? Megan took some cute selfies of all of us after dinner that were so much better than this one which was taken before we had even ordered. I should have waited until we were at least one bottle in before asking for a photo op!

Weirdness of the restaurant aside, I thought the food was delicious. Megan and I both got JUDY’S FAMOUS RICOTTA NOODLES. I got mine with eggplant and practically licked the plate clean.

Our waitress (I want to say her name was Chloe, and she reminded me SO MUCH of Blake’s wife Haley but with blond hair; it was actually quite uncanny to me – it was the way she talked and her facial expressions, so similar) flat out quit coming back to our table halfway through, replaced by a man. At this point in the dinner, I hadn’t learned yet that the owner was the old man we saw earlier, so I blurted out, “ARE YOU JOHNNY??” and he said, “No, I’m Donny, his son.”

Nice guy! He did a good job putting up with our chaos.

After we ate and exchanged treat bags, we roamed around taking pictures of all the stuff, and each other, and each other with all the stuff.  I mean, there was no one there to stop us…

The DUMBWAITER that the waitress referred to several times, with Electric Banana relics in it! It wasn’t until several days later that I found out that JUDY AND JOHNNY ZARRA were actually the proprietors of Electric Banana as well! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

Anyway, it was a really nice evening with some amazing ladies. I’m already pressuring Henry to go back with me because it was SO WEIRD there plus the food was good.

Moving on….

Oh yeah, I failed to properly wrap up my Tennessee blog recaps because I forgot to tell you that after we left Dollywood that Sunday night, we went down the street to Rocky Top Mountain Coaster, which if you recall, we tried to do the night before and you couldn’t even get into the parking lot, that’s how crowded it was.

When we went Sunday night? There was one other couple ahead of us.

I’m not going to waste too many words on this but I just want to say for the record that mountain coasters are overhyped, not for me, and actually kind of confusing? First of all, I had some young mountain boy mumbling the instructions to me and actually felt scared and ill-prepared.

There were so many lift hills. It felt like every time you built up any speed and momentum, there was a sign that would tell you to brake for the lift hill, so I would do that but then a recording kept coming up saying NOT TO DO THAT and I was having a major crisis over this. BRAKE OR NO BRAKE?!!?

Anyway, when we were all done and met up in the…station,  I dunno, Chooch said that those announcements were specifically directed toward me because I wasn’t doing it right (I dunno how he would know when he was in front of me, but cook on little bitch-chef) and I got REALLY DEFENSIVE and borderline flipped over so Henry had to try to diffuse the situation by saying it wasn’t true and that it was a recording that was meant to play on repeat but Chooch claims that it was a real person one of those times that had to make the announcement because of me.

NEVER AGAIN.

I didn’t realize this was Girl Buddy at first until after the picture was taken and then she climbed down the wall head-first like Dracula and met me in the driveway for a peanut because she saw that I was on my way to the backyard with my trick-or-treat pumpkin pail of peanuts. I am entirely too attached to this squirrel.

Well, I think that’s all for today. I was also going to tell you about how Chooch and I were on the radio last week but I’m not motivated enough so maybe later this week.

See ya wouldn’t wanna be ya.

One of the projects on THE LIST for our home refresh was a re-refurb of a table that my friend Chris gave us several years ago. She was going to pitch it but asked if we wanted it, knowing that we love furniture makeovers. First, we made it into a G-Dragon table, but it was a fail because the modpodge coating that Henry gave good ol’ Jiyong didn’t hold up.

We were initially going to do a G-Dragon version 2, but then when we decided to have a Christmas party, I thought it would be good to have a coffee table in the secondary seating corner of the living room. That area has The Devil rug, the church pew, the Robert Smith / lyrics wall, and the amber swag lap. So, kind of a darker, more gothic corner of the house, you know?

I knew immediately that I wanted the table to be red with black accents, and then went to Spoonflower to find wallpaper to use for the top. I ended up finding this coffin print on pink fabric almost instantly – I still kept searching for other things but I knew this was it, the ONE. When you know, you know!

Henry said he felt that fabric should work OK with epoxy so I ordered it and then of course it sat around for weeks and weeks until it was literally days before the party. I will say thought that once he started it, he was motivated to see the whole thing through.

The thing with me is that I am great at thinking of the projects, but even better at delegating. I think Henry and I are a good partnership in that regard. I wish I had more patience to do the actual hands-on stuff. (I mean, aside from art-related aspects.)

Henry is just really good at mechanical things, and measuring, and following directions, and using tools, and not losing his temper.

Anyway, Henry hates epoxy big time, and epoxy is not much of a fan of Henry either, and there are definitely some imperfections to this but I love it. To me, it’s perfect. It’s so shiny and the black border is glittery and the coffins are so adorable and THERE IS PINK.

I had to laugh though because I was like, “WE GOTTA FINISH THIS. GET IT DONE” and then I was the only one who sat in the DARK CORNER at the party last night. It was good though because I honestly have never really sat over there before and it was oddly comfortable. Definitely cozy too. I liked it!

I found my old Curiosa program too from when Henry and I went to it in Cleveland! I think that was 2004…yes, it had to have been 2004 because that was also the year we went to Coachella to see The Cure and we saw them TWICE that year because of Curiosa. 2004 was a SHIT YEAR but at least I got to see The Cure twice. Perspective.

Ugh, I love it. One thing that isn’t it done yet is that there is a side drawer that needs a handle – I found a pink skeleton key drawer pull on Etsy and it is currently en route from Canada so hopefully sometime this week Henry can put the finishing touch on it.

Honestly, I wish we had a larger house just so that we could keep upcycling furniture because it is soooo much fun (well, it is for me, anyway – I should probably ask Henry someday if she enjoys this…). Almost everything in our house is spraypainted and totally personalized, which, you know – not everyone’s jam! I’m sure tons of people look at photos I post on Instagram and think, “Wow. They ruined that” or “That’s fucking hideous, and I would never put that in my house” but for me, I just love having furniture that has a story to it, and isn’t something you can buy. And I like that it’s something, to a point, that Henry and I can work on together!

Also, I love knowing that we gave this table a second lease on life. Thanks to Chris for thinking of us!

I still want to do another G-Dragon table, but we’ll just have to thrift a different table for that! (Bets on how long it will take until Henry eventually starts building tables from scratch….)

You guys, the most amazing thing happened after we scarfed down 1.5 cinnamon breads between the three of us: ALL OF THE RIDES OPENED. In this post, we will look at pictures of rides, and us on rides, and I’ll say some things about rides. Sound good? YEAH THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT.

Blazing Fury! I love riding this and screaming outlandishly on the drops. Chooch thought the one ride operator looked like Jonah Hill except he couldn’t remember his name so I went through a list of basically every actor affiliated with Seth Rogen until his name was on the tip of my tongue and suddenly, in a moment of the ride when it was pretty quiet and no one on the train was talking, I bellowed, “JONAH HILL!!!!” so now I think that should be my new dark ride battle cry, kind of like when we went through a phase of screaming, “JANNA!” as a way to express mock-fear on kiddie coasters.

Hey man, I had been wanting to ride this dumb kids ride ever since I saw videos of Dollywood’s new family area, Wildwood Grove.

It was kind of dumb but also hilarious.

I wanted Chooch and I to share a bear but as you can see, that did play out the way I had hoped.

Wow, Chooch put his phone down long enough for Henry to take a picture, I’m shocked.

Back row, Lightning Rod! This was a station wait ALL DAY LONG. Literally could have just walked on at times if we hadn’t been so particular about front or back row.

SIR. I forgot how insane this coaster is. My very first RMC, back in 2018, and still one of my favorites. However, it either got a lot rougher or I just don’t remember it being so rough, but my organs felt majorly jostled on every ride. The quad-down or whatever thoosie name it has is still easily one of my favorite elements on any RMC I’ve ridden this far. It makes me so fucking giddy!

Chooch sang Papa Roach on this again, for old time’s sake. This time though he looked up the lyrics so he could sing more than just the opening part and then made the mistake of trying to make sense of them. Words in a song written and performed by a band called Papa Roach.

Good luck!

We just kept getting right back in line at one during the day. When you can basically WALK ON an RMC, you gotta take advantage of that shit. I definitely had some minor bruising on my person from the re-rides. Not complaining!

I made Chooch ride these acorns with me. I had to do it for the squirrels, you know?!

I also had to take a picture of this because SQUIRREL. Also, in the background, you can see the lift hill for Wild Eagle. We only rode this once – I don’t know why this one isn’t very re-rideable for me. It’s not BAD by any means, I guess I just don’t care much for wing coasters?

This one just isn’t that memorable to me, although the ride operator certainly was. He was some old dude who definitely was taking FULL advantage of being given a microphone and he turned that station into open mic night.

Except he was the only performer.

Chooch got on the train after us and was able to hear one more joke than we did. He was 100% not a fan of this guy at all, and in his typical surly manner, later relayed to me the “dumbest joke of all time” that the guy told as Chooch’s train was leaving the station.

“What was the name of the reindeer in Jingle Bells? Bob. The bells on Bob’s tail ring — no, don’t laugh. It’s not funny,” Chooch sighed when he noticed that I was cracking up at his retelling of the Not Funny Joke.

Here we are standing in line for the new family coaster in the Wildwood Grove section. This wasn’t when Chooch was retelling the joke, but that was similar to the face he made when I laughed at it. This was a new credit for him since it was built after our last visit!

Um OK, can we hold the phone for a sec? Because I think Thunderhead might be in my Top 5 favorite wooden coasters of all time? I think it might even be my favorite coaster in Dollywood? I knew that this was one that seriously gave me giggle fits last time we were there but I was SO AFRAID that it wasn’t going to live up to my expectations. Maybe I outgrew it! I have been on so many excellent coasters since 2018, after all.

But SHIT SON, somehow this felt even crazier, wilder, and more fucking fantastic than the last time. I was not prepared. Not at all. This was another straight-up walk on so after we rode it once, we ran all the way around and got right back on without Henry, who was reading dumb Reddit shit on his phone while sitting on a bench, even noticing.

I made Henry ride this later in the front row and you guys, I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t breathe and came SO CLOSE to peeing my pants. This is what a roller coaster should feel like! Insanity! Giddy! Wild!

Henry sent me this from his terrible phone, but it was a gif so I had to just put a screen shot in here because WordPress is so finicky. Anyway, this is us on the new kiddie coaster that went around like 3 or 4 times – 3 or 4 times TOO much.

Not shown: Tennessee Tornado, which was way less shitty than I remembered it to be so I allowed Chooch to drag me on it twice; Mystery Mine, which I was OBSESSED with the first time we went to Dollywood in 2011! It’s still fun, just kind of underwhelming now. Firechaser Express – I love this family coaster! It’s so much fun and it has a backward launch which always makes me crack up!

Oh wait, I lied! I forgot that I took this video while we were in line:

I think this wraps up the ride portion of the blog posts! I will return at some point with the remainder of my pictures and thoughts, like you care!

Choi Minho’s debut mini-album recently was released, completing the SHINee sólo puzzle. I love that the members have a tradition of “plagiarizing” each other’s solo albums. SHINee just makes me heart feel so good.

Anyway, please enjoy Chase! It is SO SULTRY, a whole mood. I’m obsessed. (Obviously.)

Another weekend full of fucking house shit. OK I guess I’m making it sound like this joint is in shambles, like we’re over here living in squalor or whatever. Honestly, the only thing that ACTUALLY needed to get done was that hole. All the other things are DIY projects that don’t matter but I wanted them to be done before the Xmas party because I am sooooo fucking Type A about this shit.

I let Henry have a break that night by permitting him to accompany me to a Home Alone-themed Christmas party at my friend Megan’s. It was just what I needed.

Drinks.

Treats.

Chats.

I would usually have anxiety in the hours leading up to any type of social event, but I felt strangely calm. Is old me really back after since ROBERT OPENED THE FRONT DOOR?

Look at this detail!

Funfetti cheese ball shaped like the hot doorbell!

I haven’t seen Home Alone probably since I was a teenager so all these little details sparked some memories for me and now I want to give this a decent rewatch soon. The only movies I ever watch over and over and over are horror movies so when people want to talk about their favorite Christmas flicks, I’m like a bump on a log.

Is that what that means??

Here is Henry refilling my snack plate for me. Megan had a festive party spread, but I lowkey was wishing he was filling my plate with Korean snacks.

Taemin.

Jaehyun.

Wonho.

I mean…CLEARS THROAT…deok, Choco Pies, kimbap.

One of my favorite parts was when Henry went into the kitchen to get another bev and then didn’t come back for a solid 10 minutes. Someone mentioned something about him fixing something in there and I was like, “Haha, yeah ok” but then he came striding out of the kitchen like a smug Schneider, this repulsive hero-smirk twitching ‘neath his mustache, flexing about how he was in there fixing the fridge BUT COME TO FIND OUT* that he is the one who broke it in the first place, so….

*(Henry used to always say this when we first got together but I was like, “Stop saying that, it’s lame” and so he retired it from his arsenal of Dumb Old White Man sayings.)

April and Nate!! I haven’t seen April in a REALLY long time. We were trying to figure it out and we think MAYBE as far back as the Chronica Nuptials???

Nate and I Jabber every day at work so it feels like I must hang out with him all of the time but in actuality, I think we have only seen each other 2 or 3 times this past year?? The pie party and one day we both randomly were in the office one day. We supposed to sign WILLS FOR VETERANS as WITNESSES one day in October through the Pro Bono committee thingie at work, but the event got canceled because apparently not enough veterans wanted to have their wills done for free. I was bummed too because if there is one thing I am totally fucking great at in life, it’s SIGNING MY NAME OVER AND OVER FOREVER AND EVER AMEN.

Like, even when I told Henry I had volunteered for it, he said, “Wow that is perfect for you.”

See?

Megan is the cutest and the coolest hostess!

You guys, I got Henry to unpack his other flannels!

Law Firm Frenz!

That was totally a fun time – I always think I’m a shell of who I used to be but then when I actually leave the house and go to where the people are, I suddenly remember how to carry on a conversation. I think it also helps having good friends who have other good friends! Literally every one of Megan’s friends I have met so far has been so lovely.

Then came Sunday. Did some shopping, picked up some ice cream from Sugar Spell, Henry mostly almost finished epoxying the coffee table!

I can’t wait to take pictures of it once it’s 100% complete! It should be totally cured by tomorrow or Wednesday, so he can out the table back together and it will be ready to be used by Saturday. The only thing I won’t have in time is the pink skeleton key drawer handle I bought for it because it’s coming from Canada and hasn’t even been shipped yet. (Ignore the fabric on the outer edges because that’s just the spill-over and will get cut off.)

But yeah, I had wanted to redo the G-Dragon table for a while because it wasn’t done properly so the image that Henry had Modpodged wasn’t able to withstand water-spillage, etc. I’m planning on making coasters out of various G-Dragon heads though for this table, so the G-Dragon theme will still live on in a way.

Then I did a really small bit of Xmas decorating. It’s a start, lol.

Anyway, I’m starting to get excited now for our Christmas Comeback Party. I used to love having these little holiday hangs at my house pre-Covid, even when our house was a total dumpster. We used to have so many game nights here too! I also just realized that this will be the first IN YEARS, MORE THAN A DECADE EVEN, that I will be able to leave the kitchen door open and use it as an extra room for people to mingle in. I’m so excited about that! That room used to be the biggest pit of all time, and now it’s the best room in the whole house.

SHOULD I INVITE ROBERT????