We left Djurs Sommerland around 8:00PM and set off for Farup Sommerland in….Dommerborg? Looking at a map, and um, OK I guess we’ll go with that. You’d think by now I could accurately decode a map like a regular adult but no. I’m always gonna be true to myself.

The park we were leaving is to the right of Randers so that should give a general sense of the drive. I’m going to guess it was about a two hour drive.

First though, I had to take blurry building pictures like I’m in 5th grade on a tour bus all over again, and then fucking scream into the crook of my arm and we passed THIS AWFUL, DISTURBING, DISGUSTING THING:

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UGH FUCK YOU!!

Anyway, this was also the bus ride where we found out that all ferry service was suspended due to this area of Scandinavia basically being hit by the biggest storm they’ve seen in over 20 years. It was called STORM HANS, I believe, and while the weather at Djurs was not ideal, it honestly didn’t seem like it was THAT intense. Well, we’d have a very different experience the next day…

I think I always updated about this from the bus the next day, but what happened was Tim, in a position I truly did not envy, was tasked with giving us our options:

Skip Norway, which was supposed to happen via ferry after departing the next day’s park, or drive all the way back down through Denmark, switch bus drivers in Copenhagen, drive across the bridge to Sweden, and basically drive UP through Sweden to Norway. This was a very contentious moment on the bus, and I was worried that the votes would be split, or lean more towards skipping Norway. I did not want to miss out on Norway! Either way, ferry or by bus, we would not really get to see much of Norway outside of the park anyway, so in my eyes, it was still worth going just for the park. I wanted to be in Norway, you guys! I wanted that country cred!

Chooch was like furiously shaking his head NO to overnight bus ride, but I was like YES, WE ARE VOTING YES AS A FAMILY. Even Henry was like, “We’re doing it. We’re going to Norway. Suck it up.”

There was MAJOR debating going on behind us amongst all the younger guys that I desperately wanted to be friends with. They were suggesting things like booking flights on Ryan Air but then someone pointed out that nearly everyone on the bus had checked bags with them so that wouldn’t work.

“All I know is that if we do this, everyone better take a mandatory shower tomorrow morning. At gun point.”

And this started a whole tense exchange with another passenger, culminating in an actual moment of collective “OOOOOOOHHHHHH”ing. It was….stressful.

First, Tim shook a show of hands and it seemed like most people raised theirs in favor of the busride. But then he came back, after conferring with his right hand man, Austin, and had everyone type out their vote on their phone so that he could just walk around and get an anonymous tally.

I confidently typed out OVERNIGHT on my phone and then pointed to Henry and Chooch, and said, “This vote is for ALL OF US” and Chooch just glowered at me. Dude, you’re 17, you can handle this. Get a grip, pal.

Later, Tim came back and said that the vote for the overnight bus ride was overwhelming, so WE WON. NORWAY’S A GO.

I mean, no, this wasn’t ideal but the fact that Tim worked to slap together an option for us, working with the current bus driver (amazing guy btw), and just overall putting himself in a really shitty position – it really meant a lot and it showed for the millionth time of this trip so far how good his character is. Honestly, I get teary just thinking about Tim and how well he took care of us. He was like, and hear me out because I’ve never actually done this as a kid, the best camp counselor ever. The kind that makes a huge impact on your life in your formative years, you know? I mean, I’ve watched coming of age camp-related movies and TV shows, so I’m basically experienced in this area.

When we arrived at the Farup Hotel that night, it was suddenly clear that this storm was no joke. The wind was INTENSE as we were trying to claim our luggage (note Henry and his Hero Complex up there assisting the bus driver – such a suck-up, it’s unreal sometimes) and I was lowkey starting to get a bit scared. Looking at the map I posted up there, I’m not sure I realized how far north we actually were.

Everyone had to congregate in the lobby while Tim called a family meeting. I thought it was going to be a CAMPFIRE TALK about being nice to one another in these tense times, but really it was just that some of the singles were going to be put in rooms for four because this was a family hotel, meaning that there were two beds for adults and then the cutest BUNK BED NOOK for kids but also large enough to accommodate adults of a certain size. I think it was mostly the younger guys that got lumped together. I know some of the older singles like Pam paid extra to get their own single supplement without having to be paired up with a roommate. This also brought back memories of the family Euro trips of the past, where there would be older women usually that ended up as roommates and sometimes they became friends, sometimes they….did not.

Chooch was STOKED for the bunk beds but he was also a fucking pistol that night and went to bed hungry; we went and got snacks but he refused to come out of his bed and indulge and then fell asleep angry and hungry – good job, brat!

Dude, these rooms though. So fucking presh. We had a little balcony but every time we opened the door, the wind was so strong that it felt like it was going to rip the door off the hinges. Just hearing the wind blasting through the woods outside our room was ominous and gave me big chills. I was really wondering if our day at the park was even going to happen the next morning.

Snacks for non-bitches. I miss Kims!! These snacks were so good.

LOOK AT THAT BITCH BABY!

Ahhhh, one of the park’s mascots is A SQUIRREL.

OK, that brings us to DAY FIVE, which we will talk about tomorrow or sometime this week, I swear.

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Hello from Chicago! Hey. Does anyone really call it Chi-town? I was going to but then felt fraudulent because I don’t live here, like why don’t I just get the area code tattooed on my neck next, you know?

Fun fact: the first time I was in Chicago was in 2014 and I was like, “Wow…why are there so many flags of the TOMS logo?” Henry was like, “that is the flag of Chicago, numb nuts.”

Except he probably didn’t actually call me numb nuts because our life isn’t a military themed sitcom from the 60s.

What is the point of this…oh yeah. We’re in Chicago! I came out of Riot Fest retirement in order to see my beloved Cure tomorrow night. Weird not going to all three days of Riot but…this isn’t my lifestyle anymore. I literally can’t fathom doing the full 3 days anymore :|

Henry and I left around 8am and got in around 3pm. Chooch opted out. He has a life outside of my madcap schemes these days.

The ride was pretty uneventful. I made Henry tell me the answers to things like, “when did you first know you liked me” and “was I just your only option at the time?”

We went to one rest area and there was an amish couple and their child outside of the bathroom but then when I came out, there were about 20 of them and I freaked out and whispered, “they multiplied” to Henry but he was too busy looking for off-brand Chex Mix.

After we checked in to our hotel and I got super sentimental because it’s across from the arena where we saw NCT Dream, we got on the metro thing and went to dinner at Chicago Diner, finally!!

Planes flying over the metro station.

Actually getting along a little bit.

I had a Founder’s Nitro Rubaeus (? That’s what it says on the sign) Raspberry Ale and it’s good!

Actually, it’s what Henry ordered and I traded my Buckledown Pillow Party pale ale for it when he wasn’t looking. 😀

LOL my face looks like a puffalump or whatever those creep dolls from the early 80s where called.

This country fried steak is a National Treasure. (No. That is not Henry’s nickname.)

(It’s Country Fried Hank.)

I’m not kidding though, this was so good, Seitan’s Realm tier good. I have wanted to go to this place for years and it did NOT disappoint!!

LOL:

Mine was an Asian chicken sandwich with orange glaze and it was fire ( sorry Diners, Dumpsters and Dildos was on before we left the hotel and I felt a Lilliputian Guy Fieri was riding bareback on mh shoulder for a while there).

Ok yeah, real great experience. Excellent service. Our server Jose was extremely personable and laid back but not inattentive. Just a really good vibe. Highly recommend!

Then we popped into a shop next door and I almost threw up my meal when I saw this bullshit:

Fuck you, Ryan Reynolds!!!

Ok, we did other DATE NIGHT IN THE CITY bullshit (I mean sort of, we are Erin and Henry, please remember). I’m ready to crash for the night so this will be a story for another day I guess.

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Um, I took this picture yesterday of my Coffee Cup of the Day thinking that I was going to finish this post, but well, that didn’t happen so let’s pretend this is Friday’s Coffee Cup of the Day. OK great!

Speaking of this cup though, I was happy that a lot of these parks had these camping-type of coffee cups as an option so I wasn’t lugging home a bunch of freaking ceramic or whatever the standard coffee cup is made out of.

Jesus Christ. What a snoozer of an intro.

The one thing I forgot to mention in my last post was that while we were at lunch, we were taking about how shitty the weather was and Eric jokingly asked Tim if the ferry ride the next night was still going to happen.

Tim got real serious and said he didn’t know, it was up in the air and he would let us know as soon as he found out.

OH SHIT this was definitely not something that I considered – I knew the weather was shit but I didn’t realize that in other parts of Scandinavia, it was REALLY BAD. So…that was ominous!

Most of the crew remained under shelter but I was getting antsy to explore more of the park, plus I REALLY wanted coffee. And Chooch apparently really wanted a milkshake.

OMG there was this playground area that I explored for a bit with Chooch. It got precarious inside the climbing part so I gave up like the quitter I am and actually, it was a really good thing because the only way down after that point was a slide. THIS SLIDE pictured above. I happened to be standing a few feet away from the bottom of the slide when Chooch came SHOOTING out of it, skidded across the ground on his ass, and nearly knocked me over like a duck pin.

Dude. Danish playgrounds man.

Here’s an Insta reel of some of his most dumb-dumb moments in Denmark:

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I loved this log flume! I saw my first ever real life SLUG just chilling on the side of the ride right before we went up a lifthill and of course Chooch didn’t believe me, so when we came back to the station, I asked the guy if we could ride again and he was SO HAPPY to send us back around. You guys, there weren’t that many people there because of the weather, and the people that WERE there were not queueing up for a water ride, mm.

Anyway, of course on the second lap, the slug wasn’t there anymore!

This was the moment I discovered that Scandinavian sprinkles ARE THE BEST. They were crunchy and tasted like the sweet part of a Sweet Tart. So amazing. I miss these so much.

Chooch said this looked like Penelope :(

We did ride some of the kids’ ride, of course! There was one young guy operating three of the rides, and he seemed genuinely thrilled when we walked up to ask if we could ride. When the ride was over, he asked us if we wanted to ride again and we were like, “Mmm, no we’re good, thanks.”

Random self-operated water slide:

Oh this ride was great once Chooch realized that he had control of when the car lifted in the air and then timed it so every time we passed one of the statues squirting water, I’d get it.

 

It was somewhere in this area where I was so giddy and laughing to the point where I REALLY almost peed my pants and had to run to the nearest bathroom. Honestly, the weather was trash but shit, it was such a good day. For the rest of my life when I think of Djurs Sommerland, I’m going to think of, well, shivering, but also laughing so much over everything!

This was the first park of the trip where we got exclusive ride time! We all met up at Juvelen at 6pm, when the park officially closed, and then we got 30 minutes of chaotic ERT on Juvelen. It was so much fun because basically when your train come back to the station, instead of exiting you’d get out the way you came in and either fill an empty seat or just squeeze back into the queue and wait for the next train rather than running all the way back around to the entrance. Everyone was really courteous and cautious though so it wasn’t like you were being mowed down by a mob of thoosies every time you tried to get off the ride. I think this was one of the first times that we rode with ALL of our group, no interlopers, and let me tell you, being on a coaster filled front to back with enthusiasts is really a fucking hype experience. The only other time this happened for us was last year at the Coastin’ by the Ocean event at Morey’s Piers – riding Great White after midnight with a pack of loud-mouth thoosies was something I’ll next forget lol.

Next, we all ran over to Piraten, where another 30 minutes of ERT went down.

ERT on Piraten!!   I just realized that Henry got to ride this with Kevin #2! I don’t think I rode anything with Kevin #2. Anyway, what I will tell you about Piraten is that it’s an Intamin Mega Lite which probably means nothing to you but if you read my recent post about King’s Dominion, it’s been compared to a mini-Intimidator 305. Which still might not mean anything to you! I thought it was fun, and I was really thrilled that we got to ride it, but it was also A BIT underwhelming. I heard people saying that the weather was preventing it from running to its full potential.

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I could only last about 2 or 3 rounds on this because I was so fucking cold. Literally, the next day, my whole body ached from the amount of shivering I was doing all day long at Djurs! So the three of left the station after getting a handful of rides and hung out in the courtyard-like area next to Piraten and watched train after train being sent with the insane, unhinged Coaster Crew members. At one point, Tony came over and showed me his phone. “Look at this picture!” he cried. “It looks like the thumbnail for a clickbait post. ‘Brawl breaks out on a roller coaster!'”

Turns out, they started playing PASS THE SWORD, where the ride operator handed someone in the first row a toy sword, and then once the train crested the hill and started its descent, that person would have to pass it to the person behind me, and so on, until the last person on that side got it and would have to pass it to the person they were sitting with so that the sword could then make its way back up to the front. They had to see how many rounds the sword could be passed before the train came back to the station, and then the people in the next train would have to try to beat them.

It looked and sounded like absolute chaos. I told Tony that this was only possible because I was no longer riding – there is NO WAY I would have been able to pass that thing on a moving roller coaster without dropping it!

AND THAT’S THE THING – NO ONE DROPPED IT!!

Not my photos! I got these from the event page:

You guys, after this, we got to walk through the maintenance shed, complete with a NUDIE CALENDAR on the wall that I desperately wanted to take a picture of but the universe provided me with no good ops.

This was actually really cool. I wasn’t geeking as hard as some of those hardcore thoosies and YouTubers, but I still could appreciate it!

They were all like lovingly stroking  the wheels of the second train and naming out parts of it that meant nothing to me but I was really into it anyway. People’s excitement is contagious, you guys. I think I’m only immune to like, the excitement of Swifties.

THEN WE GOT TO WALK AROUND THE INFIELD AND EVEN CLIMB ONTO THE TRACK!!

JEAN TOOK THIS!

 

You can actually hear me sigh like a little bitch and say, “Ugh it’s so cold.” And hear that wind?!? SPOILER ALERT: It would be way worse the next day. :)

Overall, LOVED this park bigly. It was the first one of the trip this far that really felt like the type of park that we’re used to here in the states, with a wide range of rides and a really great and varied collection of coasters. I would love to come back to this park someday, especially if they ever add a new coaster to the lineup!

****

On the walk back to the bus, Eric and Marie were talking about the huge slugs they saw around the park that day and I practically threw myself at them while screaming, “OMG SAME” and then whirled around on Chooch to still scream but now with an angry tone “SEE I TOLD YOU THERE WERE SLUGS HERE!!!!” Chooch was like, “Mm.” I FUCKING SWEAR TO GOD THERE WAS ON THE LOG FLUME AND HE LOOKED LIKE ONE OF THE EXTRAS IN LABYRINTH.

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Monday was our third full day with Coaster Crew and we had another delectable breakfast buffet to explore, this time at the Helnan Marselis Hotel in Aarhus. We knew it was going to be a rainy and very chilly day, but everyone was in good spirits at breakfast. Cassie sat with us, and then a bit later when I saw Pam come in, I told Henry to hurry up and finish eating so she could have his seat, lol. He was like, “Whatever, I have to finish packing anyway,” and lumbered away. I waved Pam over and said, “Pam! Pam! Sit here with us.”

“Where’s Henry?” she asked, and when I told her I sent him away so she could sit with me and Cassie, she gave me a faux-disappointed face and said, “Poor Henry!”

Chooch realized quickly that he was sitting with all women, so he excused himself. Byeeeee. Anyway, this was one of my favorite breakfasts because we talked about RELATIONSHIP things and then Pam said she saw all of Kevin’s tattoos the night before and I screamed, “OMG REALLY” because I was low-key stanning her and Kevin and she said matter-of-factly, “Yeah, he was at the pool last night.”

Oh.

Other things that happened before leaving the hotel:

• Judy and I bonded over Sugar in the Raw (she brought her own and told me I was welcome to use some whenever I needed because sweetener options were either straight up sugar cubes or these teeny-tiny aspartame tablets that were infuriatingly difficult to get out of the package.
• Sam broke his umbrella when he was trying to leave through the hotel’s front door and I don’t know why this scene is seared into my memory, but there it is.
• Cassie was asking people to give her the hotel body lotion if they didn’t want it, because she really liked the scent. Someone came up the steps of the bus with a lotion and said, “Someone was asking for this, but I can’t remember who.” A few of us said Cassie, so Tim took it and said, “Pass this to Cassie” which turned into “Passie to Cassie” and I don’t know why but this was one of those things that was SO FUNNY AND MEMORABLE TO ME??

When we left Aarhus that morning after breakfast, the rain was still coming down heavily. I think we all had pretty much accepted that this was going to be the theme of the day, take it or leave it. We have dealt with rainy park days many times back home so I wasn’t too bothered about this, just was nervous that maybe some rides wouldn’t be running.

Here is a video of moist scenery and bus chatter.

MAP FOR REFERENCE. Djurs Sommerland is located in Nimtofte – Battrupholt, whatever that means. The park’s address is actually listed as DJURSLAND which makes more sense. Apparently, Nimtofte is a nearby VILLAGE. Look at us, learning about the world together! Should we try to do a blank map test at the end of all of these recaps??

We arrived right before 10AM. Mark had already been there before and was like, “I’ll show you the secret way!” to his friends and ran into the woods. I wanted to go that way too because again, Desperate in Denmark, but Henry put it in my head that they might have been going that way to pee?! I DON’T THINK THAT THEY WERE, BUT OK.

Ugh, I wanted to be accepted by this group of cool guys so badly, but they were probably like OK MOM.

Going the non-secret way, the totally PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE way.

That smiling sun! Even on a rainy day, it felt so welcoming! Hello, Scandinavia’s biggest amusement park!

Chooch’s OOTD though.

My first impression of this park was that it was fairly big and SPACIOUS. Really wide paths, an ADORABLE kids area themed to farm animals, and a bunch of trampolines and death-trap play areas with some of the scariest slides I’ve ever seen. Slides that would never fly in America past like, 1998.

I know that the first thing we did was get the kiddie coaster out of the way with some other people from our group. In fact, now that I’m looking back on this day, there really weren’t many other people there but our group. And all of the rides were open! So, sometimes it pays to go to an amusement park on a rainy day, yo. I am basically a Professor of Fun so this is a fact and not just an OPINION.

Next was our first Thor-themed ride of the trip, Thor’s Hammer! Chooch took this photo of the ride operator and I’ve been obsessed with it ever since- she looks so sinister! ZOOM IN ON HER FACE, FAM. This was one of my favorite rides, too! Just a fun, quirky family coaster.

I didn’t take very many pictures of the rides this day because of THE RAIN, but after this, we rode Juvelen which Arnold taught us literally translates to the jewel, but it’s pronounced yoovelen I think he said.

Also, who is Arnold? This was the first time we chatted with him; he is this supremely friendly guy from Orlando (I think he even said he works at Disney!) who was always smiling and was just a joy to talk to, honestly.

Anyway, Juvelen is a multi-launch straddle coaster and also has the distinction of being Denmark’s longest coaster. I was really hyped for it because I had watched a video where it was MODERATELY compared to Hagrid’s without the theming and gimmicks. I mean, OK. I could see that, a little bit! I thought it was fun, and actually kind of aggressive after the second launch which was unexpected. But it didn’t make me scream, “JANNNNAAAAA!” if you know what I mean.

Chooch got his 300th coaster cred on Piraten, the park’s Intamin mega-lite, and also our very first Intamin mega-lite! We will talk more about this in my next post, because we had ERT on this coaster after the park closed and also got a tour of the infield, which was a big highlight.

DragenKongen is Europe’s longest and fastest launched family suspended coaster, apparently! I wasn’t aware of that at the time, but I REALLY loved this. The queue was so entertaining because the ride op screams something crazy in Danish before the launch and it just really gets you pumped, YOU KNOW? Maybe it wouldn’t be enough to get you pumped. Maybe you also call for a more bigly Viking send-off, like being set on fire first. And that’s OK too! That’s your preference. But for some of us, being hollered at furiously is enough to get it done.

I would also like  to insert here that it wasn’t raining when we were waiting in line for this (only about a 15 minute wait, probably the longest wait of the day!) but as soon as we got on it and it launched us out of the station, we were like OH OK, HI RAIN, WE SEE YOU. I mean, it was coming down pretty hard. Henry and I both cracked and went to a gift shop to buy ponchos (they are REALLY nice souvenirs too!) but Chooch said, “No, I’m good. I like water and I don’t get cold.”

You guys, it was fucking so chilly that day. I had on long sleeves, a jacket, and jeans but it was not enough for that August day in Denmark, somehow. I packed in preparation for chilly weather, but purposely didn’t bring hoodies or sweaters because those take up so much space in luggage! I had The Regertz on this day though.

Djurs has a family power coaster in their brand new Dinosaurland, and we rode it in the pouring rain with Kevin, Pam, and Marie. I was like, “KEVIN CAN I RIDE WITH YOU” because he had the front seat, and stupid Henry and Chooch were like, “We’ll show her for branching out” and went all the way to the very back in order to get the furthest away from me, is my guess. Anyway, I was so giddy about this that I bought the on-ride photo even though it’s not even that remarkable, it’s a memento of the first time I rode something with Kevin and Pam, even though you can’t see Pam because she was sitting behind me!

Everyone was ready for the lunch buffet though, hungry or not, because it provided shelter! This buffet actually had a lot of options for us veg-heads (I still think it was just Chooch and me out of like approx. 70 people; I really thought there would have been at least one other!). There were these unknown fried pockets up there and while I was pretty sure they were samosas, Johnny took one for the team and ate one while we were in line.

“Just potatoes!” he confirmed. “And some spices.”

“Is it a samosa?” I asked.

“Hmm. I’m not sure.”

It was a samosa.

Anyway, I sat with Pam, Kevin, Marie, and Eric (Marie and Eric also sat right in front of us for the entire trip on the bus UNTIL we got a new bus after Gothenburg, Sweden. I was sad, but they just moved over to the seats across the aisle. It was enough to screw with me though. I hate change.)

Anyway, I got this picture off of the event’s Facebook page that I was illegally perusing with my FAKE FB ACCOUNT that I had to create in order to make Instagram ads for my stupid card shop which I don’t even do anymore (the ads, I still make the cards) and my account has no picture and no friends and no information other than my basic-ass name so it looks like a goddamn sock puppet account and also I never even logged in to it until this damn trip happened and everything was being posted on Facebook and not emailed.

OK now that that explanation is out of the way, this picture is hilarious to me because Henry and Chooch were sitting alone and of course Henry is cavemanning food into his gaping maw at the exact moment someone took a picture because he just can’t help himself but to be THE MOST EMBARRASSING. But I also love it because…it’s so many of my people. I miss them. And even the best bus driver, the one who left us after Denmark, is in this picture! If you look for the guy in the reddish/maroon shirt, the bus driver is across from him in the white dress shirt and tie – he was so friendly and immersive!

OK, let’s end here for today and story time can resume at some point probably tomorrow BUT I AM NOT PROMISING ANYTHING. Chooch and I are demo’ing three tennis rackets and we had the BEST TIME on the courts with them tonight (I mean, we were using them to play tennis, we weren’t, like, wining and dining them) so I might be too busy tennis’ing my ass off tomorrow after work. TO BE DETERMINED.

AND CONTINUED.

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After leaving BonBon Land on Sunday (and after Henry found his phone LOLOLOLOL), our bus of coaster freaks continued our Danish trek and arrived late that the afternoon at a small park in Aarhus called Tivoli Friheden.

Exhausted after all of the BonBon’ing. I mean, it’s not every day you get to ride a dog fart coaster and slide out of a dog’s asshole. That shit would take a lot out of even, I don’t, a Garbage Pail Kid maybe.

Random shots from the bus window, reminiscent of all the film I wasted in Europe as a kid, taking pictures with the flash on through smudgy tour bus window. I have boxes of blurry scenery photos and unknown castles in god knows what countries.

But I just really needed to capture this amazing house!! Also, look at Creepy Henry’s silhouette in the window :/

I am going to be diligent about including maps from now on because if we are being honest with each other under the blanket inside a pillow fort reading my vacation journal together with a flashlight after I just yelled at you for spilling a bowl of SALTY LICORICE, I truthfully didn’t know where the fuck a lot of the times, just me over there spending a large portion of the trip totally geographically blind.

We arrived at Friheden around 4:30pm. Looking back in my vacation journal, I can tell you that the bus ride was full of chatter which was not appreciated by many, lol. There were some quirky personalities on the bus, that’s for sure. It was thoroughly entertaining for me, though! At one point, an hour into the drive, the owner of the unappreciated chatter asked our group leader Tim, “How much longer?” which garnered some groans from those in earshot. At one point, Tim told him it was nap time, and when he tried to keep talking, Tim said, “It’s still nap time.” I was furiously texting my brother the play-by-play because he was very invested in these characters.

This park was very small, but beautiful – full of gardens and really quirky decorations. Even on an overcast day, it was stunning! Unfortunately, as far as rides, its line up was pretty sparse. Only three coaster credits. There were four coasters there up until a year ago, when one was removed after an accident :/ To be honest, when I heard about the accident last summer, I wondered if this park was going to be removed from the itinerary, but it clearly wasn’t.

A bunch of people wanted to do the SCAD tower thing, which was being offered to our group to do for free when normally it’s at up-charge. I’m guessing this is the reason the park was kept in the itinerary, because SCAD towers aren’t very prevalent. I mean, that’s just what I hear. I don’t like, run the SCAD tower Wiki page or anything. Jesus.

I 100% didn’t want to do this. Just looking at it made my legs turn to jello.

Meanwhile, Chooch got RIGHT in line.

I had to walk around and take pictures of the scenery while he was waiting in line because it was making me so nervous.

I already wrote about the FALLING one day while we were on the bus, so you can feel free to click here and read all about how I allowed my 17-year-old son to be taken up a 100+ foot tower thing in a scary elevator, dangled over the edge, and then released by some Friheden man at which point he fell a bunch of fucking feet like 100 or something with no harness or safety thingies, but at least they gave him a helmet and that back brace thing to ensure he landed properly in the net. 

Ugh. Don’t smile at me.

Once that was over with, we went around to collect our creds. There was just a really old looking spinning wild mouse, an SBF Visa spinning coaster, and a kids coaster that was similar to the Wacky Worm but it was a dragon. Wow, I’m such a thoosie. I don’t even know the manufacturers or names of these coaster off hand lol.

I LOVED THIS!!

There was a funhouse too! It wasn’t as good as Bakken’s but it had a fun slide at the end.

So, something happened at this park that was actually kind of horrifying but also funny and definitely memorable. OK, look. I was riding on a high from the way a lot of these people were being so inviting and inclusive toward us. Especially Larry and Jean, Cassie, and Pam and Kevin. There would be more added to that list later, but man, even just standing outside of the bus waiting for Tim to get our admission settled, everyone was just kind of milling around and talking and it was so nice not having it be totally awkward, you know? Just a lot of friendly banter and chatter – it made me feel overwhelmingly accepted.

I had noticed earlier that day that there seemed to be a young girl, like in her 20s, who was there by herself. She ended up being in line in front of us for a dark ride at Friheden and I had mentioned earlier to Henry that I was going to try and take her in just like others did to us, pay it forward, etc. Right? Well, I felt like this was my chance! So I asked her if she was with Coaster Crew, and she said yes so I introduced the three of us. She smiled and said her name, then IMMEDIATELY dropped the smile and looked away.

Chooch gave me a look, like, “Stop while you’re ahead” but I KEPT GOING, YOU GUYS. I started asking her things like WHERE ARE YOU FROM and she said Cinci and all the while she was doing the SMILE/FROWN thing but I couldn’t stop myself! I yelled, “Oh, Jungle Jim’s! I love Jungle Jim’s!” and she was like “*smile* Yeah, it’s great. *frown*”

Then, why am I like this, I asked her if SHE WANTED TO RIDE WITH US. NO, she didn’t want to fucking ride with us. She wanted my crazy annoying friendly ass to leave her the fuck alone so she could have a fucking zen ride in the haunted house. But since I asked her to her face, I’m sure she felt backed into a corner and said OK and then we all rode on this stupid shooter ride together and it was so uncomfortable. When the ride ended, she got out and walked through the exit without a word, never looking back.

“SHE DID NOT WANT TO RIDE WITH US,” Chooch said, in a chastising-toward-me tone. “You are so annoying! She hates all of us now.”

“No, she was just shy,” I said, but I knew he was right when we were walking toward her later and I said, “Hi, <her name>!” and she LOOKED RIGHT PAST ME AND KEPT WALKING. I thought Chooch’s brain was going to come shooting out of his nose, the way he tried and failed to hold back his laugh. It may have been one of Top 5 favorite moments on the trip.

DO YOU WANT TO RIDE WITH US???

I’d rather not eat the American Way :/

Remember when I got made fun of so bad for loving the Wacky Worm?? Well, I found my people, you guys. Grown ass adults who allow themselves to enjoy a kiddie coaster!

Our dinner was a pizza buffet and it was actually amazing. I’m saying “actually” not because I think Denmark can’t have good pizza, but because I’m of the American mentality that amusement pizza is going to be mid. But this pizza was SO GOOD. The one I liked the most had almost like…a ricotta type cheese as the base? And then these very thinly sliced translucent white circles that I am SURE were parsnips, but no one would back me up on that (and by no one, I mean, Henry, Chooch, and Dawn and Robert who were sitting at our table too).

I can’t believe I didn’t take a picture of it, but it was so fucking good.

This might have been the most boring carousel I’ve ever been on.

It had no music, and it went around SO SLOWLY.

There were two little kids that actually rode it twice in a row, what sad lives they have.

Look at these awesome terrarium things!!

This game had guns that you put actually ball-thingies in to shoot!!!! I DID NOT WANT CHOOCH TO DO IT. But I already let him fall perilously from a tower, so why not give him a gun too, all in the same day.

We ended the day by using our free snack coupon for some ICE CREAM which we ate at a picnic table with PAM and some others. I didn’t take a picture of my ice cream for some reason, probably because I got it in a cup. I do know that I thoroughly enjoyed it though.

Then everyone bitched because the gift shop had NO SHIRTS, MAGNETS, ETC with the park’s name on it. We quickly learned that park merch in this region is almost unheard of and their “gift shops” are actually filled with, well, gifts you would buy someone. Like toys and pretty much anything else you could think of that has nothing to do with amusement parks.

After leaving Friheden, we had a short drive to the hotel for the night, which you can read about HERE IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY.

Pretty much all of the parks from the next day on were full-day parks with bigger coasters, so look forward to that, I guess!

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Remember last winter when I felt inspired to try and reconnect with my childhood friend from vacation, Olivia? Well, I can’t remember if I ever updated this mess of a memory keeper, but she did end up writing back to me and while we have since become Instagram friends, we have kept up the analog portion of the long-distance friendship by sending each other cards with as many words as we can cram inside. It’s been so wonderful!

Anyway, a few weeks ago she found some photos at her parents’ house and sent them to me on Insta and I almost died because:

1. I forgot about how FREAKING COOL were (and still are, I’m sure!)

2. I forgot that she taught me how to play Uno and this became OUR THING on the bus!

I also look like I’m totally in the middle of cheating too, which tracks. Also, I was so in awe of Olivia back then. Her style was like Blossom Before Blossom. I thought she was SO COOL, CALIFORNIA cool even, and still think that now that we’ve been writing to each other.

Man, these pictures really triggered a ton of fond memories for me. This is probably corny-sounding, but I feel like there was a reason we met back in 1989, just like there was a reason I found letters from her when cleaning out the attic last winter. I hope that this second-chance at friendship transcends just liking each other’s Instagram posts and that we get the opportunity to meet up in person, and you know, maybe recreate these old photos lol!

It all makes me think of Chooch’s Mexico trip last summer, and how much I hope that those friendships he made will last a lifetime. There’s something special about bonding with strangers in another country and then, voila, now you’re friends.

I know, I know, for someone who barely has any friends, I sure have a lot to say about friendships, hahaha, har har, hee hee.

Anyway! Olivia asked me when we’re going to do a California coaster trip and I was like YEAH HENRY WHEN and he was like DON’T START. :(

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I know amusement parks aren’t everyone’s bag up in here, so here is a non-park recap from our trip. The second hotel of the trip, which we stayed at after visiting Park #2 of Day 2 – Tivoli Friheden – our hotel for the night was the Helnan Marselis in Aarhus. While the rooms had more of a traditional European style and were less “modern” like the Tivoli Hotel in Copenhagen, I preferred this one because it was on a beach!

This hotel was in what appeared to be a RITZY BEACH TOWN.

These cars!! Also, that’s our beloved bus up there! We only had this bus for the first half of the trip though :( I missed it dearly (and the driver!) and did not like the second bus as much. THE VIBE WAS OFF.

The houses around this area were poppin’ off.

Tim hooked everyone up with seaside views. We slept with the balcony door opened and it was the most amazing night’s sleep. Um, this was also the calm before the (actual) storm. We’ll revisit this in a future post. LOOK AT ME PRE-CLICK BAITING YOU PEOPLE.

Here we have Chooch in action, complaining about something, probably.

Chooch slept in roll-out beds in most of the hotels, but he had some sweet sleep-spots in two upcoming hotels.

The Bay of Aarhus, apparently! I had to look it up on a map. Looks like it has the North Sea to the west and the Baltic to the east??

Wow, maybe I should start including maps in all of these posts instead of just being like “someplace in xx.” Also, looking at this map, now it makes sense that we went over so many long-ass bridges after we left Copenhagen that morning. Suddenly, I understand so much more of this trip now, weeks later.

Maps, Erin. Maps help.

Hotel art.

Henry and I went for a walk along the beach after we got settled and it was just so nice. Well, I mean, as nice as it could possibly be with Henry as my company. It’s not like we were holding hands and looking like we were in some vitamins for active middle-aged adults commercial. Or a “I conquered vaginal dryness by using THIS PRODUCT and now this is what my life looks like!” ad in Prevention magazine.

I brought back two small seashells from here, sue me. They were rinsed off thoroughly!

Some of the younger, cooler guys from our group were doing the whole SAUNA/SALT WATER thing so that was fun to watch like creeps from our balcony.

Look at that sky, though. Denmark! I remember walking in the sand and thinking, REALLY thinking, “Dude. I’m in Denmark.” We are not rich people so anytime we do anything outside of Pittsburgh, I’m all hashtag blessed, etc. Never take anything for granted! You never know what the future holds. This was one of those moments where I really had some quiet time in my head to reflect on this shit, as nerdy as that sounds. I just really didn’t think that this was something we would be able to do, but we made it happen and I hope that this is something that Chooch thinks about fondly (lol, fondly) for the rest of his life.

YOU KNOW??

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I know you have been absolutely panting with anticipation over this, and now you can collapse onto your fainting couch and relax with a damp handkerchief draped over your feverish brow, because part 2 is here.

Look,  Henry doth returned from his quest for a portable phone charger. He was in a MOOD too because he hadn’t eaten yet since Chooch and I sent him on his journey back to the hotel (ON FOOT NO LESS, NOT EVEN A STALLION TO CARRY THE WIDE LOAD) before he had a chance to eat dinner, lololol.

It wasn’t NOT crowded at Tivoli that evening, being a summer Saturday after all, but it didn’t really feel crowded until we were in the more narrow areas like this one. It was a bit claustrophobic but I was also so caught up in how magical everything felt that I didn’t even have time to panic.

This little nook was like the OG Diagon Alley, honestly. I loved it! Even if amusement parks aren’t your jam, if you ever find yourself in Copenhagen, this should 100% be on your itinerary. I mean, do you like food? History? Feeling like you should be wearing a petticoat? Then come here.(I don’t even know what a petticoat is for sure, but I can tell you that Tivoli has the petticoat vibes.)

Chooch loved it here too, lololol.

Sorry, I could have stood here all evening taking photos. It was my favorite section of the place!

This was the facade of a funhouse which was basically just a rave for children and I almost had my kneecaps broken when one particularly high-energy child came barreling into me when I stupidly stood in the middle of the room like a dumb-dumb, totally asking for it, here I am, the Big Dumb American target.

Here’s a Chooch POV of him living dangerously in a Danish funhouse.

Ugh, I wanted to ride more stuff but Henry was like ME MEAT HEAD, MUST EAT so we went him to the food hall where it took him forever to decide what to eat because again, these parks had GOOD FOOD, yo. Like, GOOD FOOD.

He ended up with a burger of some sort from a place called COCKS & COWS hahaha.

LOL yeah boy, shove it in!

We had to get stamped in order to leave the park and enter the food hall (this is something that can be accessed from outside of the park too, so you don’t need to pay park admission to eat there) and I was excited because the stamp said TIK TAK. “Tak” means “thanks” in Danish but I’m not sure what the significance is behind “tik tak” other than sounding fun.

Speaking of fun, check out this railing!!

Imagine coming here on a date!! I can’t imagine it, I was with Henry. *cries in Boring Relationship* I wonder what Henry would have done if he was here with the GIRL WHO GOT OMG SO WET on the rapids ride at King’s Dominion last weekend?! Ugh, he probably would have given her back hugs which he learned FROM K-DRAMAS because of ME thank you very much, while actually HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH HER and cooing pet names softly into the side of her perfect stupid hair when the only thing he ever calls me is URN!!!

Literally it sounds like he is calling me a vessel for corpse dust when he says my name!!

OMG Tivoli’s Rutschebanen was our very first brakeman rollercoaster! It was so cool!! Dude just stands up the whole time in the middle of the train while it’s cruising through tunnels. And there’s no airgates or any other kind of safety measurements on the loading platform so you just kind of step right on to it – I stood there and watched children running alonside of the train as it was coming to a stop!? Never in America. Never.

Here’s one of Johnny’s POVs from that day!

Not pictured, but we paid an upcharge for the walk-thru haunted house (I think it was maybe $15 for all three of us?) and it was so much fun! They sent us through just the three of us and it was slightly reminiscent of the one in Gatlinburg in that it seemed like there were only about 5 people working there, doing the most to get multiple scares at you. I really enjoyed it. Apparently, we could have bought a video or gif – I couldn’t figure out what it was – of us being scared in the kitchen and it was hilarious but the stupid QR code didn’t work for us Americans.

I only took this so we could try to fuck with the QR code later but it still didn’t work so OH WELL Tivoli, I tried to give you my $$ but your dumb thing won’t work for idiot Americans.

Second carouselfie of the trip!!!

The Hans Christian Anderson ride! A spin through this dark ride will have you REALLY seeing the Disney parallels.

Henry was in the car behind us, sleeping lol.

Even donuts were better on this trip :( I miss it. I miss everything.

Henry and the bitch from the rapids ride at King’s Dominion.

Fucking LICORICE ice cream from the famous Lakrids by Bulow. Literally the best gourmet licorice I have ever had (I have not had that much but I am still willing to wager that this is one of the best). I loved it. We had so many delicious sample of slow-crafted licorice while in there too. The employees were wonderful and didn’t seem disgusted by us lard-o Americans with our crass palates. (To our faces, anyway.)

Henry’s Tivoli-Thoughts: “I thought it was a really nice park. I went in the haunted house. I forget what I rode. I rode that little kiddy coaster. (No you didn’t.) Yeah, I did! What else did I ride. It was too crowded. (It wasn’t that crowded.) I forget now. I would have rather have gone during the week when it wasn’t as crowded. Go ahead, write that, fucker.

Me again: It wasn’t THAT crowded?! The longest line we waited in was an hour for the Milky Way coaster. Everything else was 30 minutes or less?! Yes, there were a lot of people there but it didn’t feel excessive?! I don’t know why I asked Henry for his opinion because it was wrong.

What else – we got all the coaster creds. We definitely bickered a lot, lol. (Still jet-lagged.) Chooch conned me into going on some flat ride that I couldn’t see from the line because the ride itself was on top of a building – it was like crazy spinny airplane things that went upside down and I wasn’t too fond of it but even less fond of the children in line behind us who were rough-housing (hello, I’m my dad now) and being so OBNOXIOUS and oh wouldya look – they were AMERICAN.

My only regret is not riding Rutschebanen more than once!! I was so caught up in needing to see everything that was going on, that I couldn’t contemplate rerides at that time. Yes, I fucked up, fam. But…now I just need to go back someday! With a DATE. Someone who will be like, “Babe, let’s get some licorice ice cream and lick it together under the most picturesque tree which I have spotted with my monocle that I just happen to keep tucked into the BREAST POCKET of the pin-striped suit I am wearing just for this special occasion of being WITH YOU and then the next big Decemberists rip off indie band will walk by and feel inspired to pen a song about OUR LOVE that features an accordion and a beat made up of the sound of the wooden shoes of puppets hitting a pirate ship’s plank.”

I will probably break up with that guy after the first date but at least we will have the memories. And a song that will probably quickly play in the background of a scene with a couple (the girl has DIY Pippi bangs and the boy has a handlebar ‘stache) riding vintage bikes with poodles in the wicker baskets in an upcoming mumblecore flick that never even makes it to Tubi.

Mostly, we just took everything in. I couldn’t believe we were there, you guys. The famous, storied Tivoli Gardens. “I can’t believe we’re here” was pretty much the tagline of this whole entire trip. I am bankrupt now but I do not regret a single moment of this. I can’t wait to spend the next three fucking months recapping the rest because this was the only the FIRST FULL DAY and it’s taken me approx. 2 weeks to get it on this dying corner of Internet Diary Land.

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Hi. I barely read in August. I think I went into it too cocky and brought three (3!!) books on vacation with me. OK, Erin. Calm down. I didn’t read AT ALL until the flight back to the States, and even then, it was only about 30 pages. I don’t know why I thought I was going to read on the bus during our vacation. Hello, I was too busy being practically cupping my ears so that I wouldn’t miss a single conversation around me!! The bus was so entertaining every day! (Henry and Chooch probably will say otherwise, but that’s because they’re not coated in nosiness and rolled in powdery FOMO like I am.)

Anyway, here are the very few books I did read!

1. The Guest – Emma Cline

After checking this out of the library and realizing that I also read Cline’s other book, The Girls, I started to think it was a mistake, assumed there was a big possibility it could be a DNF, and almost didn’t even give it a chance. But then I started reading it and couldn’t stop. It does start out slow, like “Where the fuck is this going?” and it’s also one of those “cool hot Williamsburg girl” books that I usually “DON’T GET” because I’m too old and don’t wear, I dunno, corduroy pants and belly shirts. But I was invested in this bitch’s end of the summer saga, basically being homeless in some bougie area of Long Island after her sugar daddy kicks her out, dodging some dude who she owes a bunch of money to, and just basically using every motherfucker that gets caught in her human-hurricane path.

Somehow, for as little redeeming qualities as she had, I still found myself rooting for her and just eating up the words on every page with a fucking grapefruit spoon, mmkay. This book might not for you or you, but I bet it’s for you. Yeah, you. Over there.

2. Yellowface – R.F. Kuang

If you’re even MODERATELY into books, you have likely seen this on a bunch of best-of lists. Four stars for me, fam. The writing was smart, the plot was fresh, and it shone a spotlight on racism and appropriation in a unique way that challenged my way of thinking several times. I feel like when it comes to topics like these, we should never stop checking ourselves and allowing the discomfort to happen because that’s how we grow. And this book definitely had me tugging at my collar more than once. It’s not finger-waggy at all though – strip that all away and you’re still left with an entertaining and tense (and at times, funny) novel about the publishing industry and plagiarism. (JANNA, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I THINK YOU WOULD LIKE THIS.)

I read The Poppy War by Kuang a few years ago but that was like, a 600-page fantasy – it blows my mind that this is the same writer. She is stupidly talented!

3. We Were Never Here – Andrea Bartz

Remember last month when I read another Bartz book and hated it so much? Well, I had also checked this one out of the library at the same time and returned it with the other book without even bothering to try out the first page. But then I snagged it on audio because I’m a sucker and needed something to listen to on my morning walks when we came back from vacation. Wow, this book was less bad than the last one of hers I read, but still not great. 2.5.

4. Dead Eleven – Jimmy Juliano

Oh, how I wanted this to be a 5-star read. I really, really did. The plot was great, I loved the writing, the characters were interesting. I loved that it was “set” in 1992. I loved the OJ and pog references. But I didn’t love that it didn’t scare me. I still think I would recommend this to anyone looking for a supernatural horror book because I feel like most people aren’t as picky as me when it comes to horror?? I want to have the “icy chills on a 90 degree summer afternoon” type of experience while reading horror. I LOVE horror books in the summer. But I just have a tough time finding ones that get under my skin. Please help me.

5. All-Night Pharmacy – Ruth Madievsky

I truly had no idea what was going on through most of this – lots of drugs, sex, people being shitty to each other. But when that shit wasn’t going on, there were moments of brilliance here. Basically, the main character has a very dependent and toxic relationship with her older sister, and then accidentally-maybe-on-purpose stabs her one night then spends the next two years somewhat-searching for her after she disappears. I don’t know, it’s a weird one. Not relatable for me AT ALL and I was bored for long swathes of it, but then somehow, the very last line of the book made me fucking laugh out loud. Three stars. Again, I feel like this is the type of book girls in their early 20s who dress like it’s 1995 and mommy bought them everything out of the Delia*s catalogue would devour on the bus to a rave in Brooklyn.

***

And that’s all from me for August. :( I usually average 10 books a month but sometimes you gotta take your nose out of the books and marathon roller coasters in Europe for 2 weeks!

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Still on the first day of the Coaster Crew Norden Adventure. We left Bakken around 3pm, ooh’d and ahh’d as the bus driver nearly wiped out several cars on the extremely narrow road (I felt like it was our group’s first collective moment of excitement! Something to remember!), and then made it back to Copenhagen around 4pm for our next park of the day, the famous Tivoli Gardens.

Now, this park has been on my bucket list for years because it’s world-renowned for being not only truly aesthetic and charming, but also the inspiration behind Disney World (Disneyland? I forget which one! Let me Google, please hold).

(Disneyland! I am not a Disneyhead, so pardon me.)

It’s also home to the world’s oldest rollercoaster, Rutschebanen. Yes, Bakken also had a coaster of the same name because it literally translates to “roller coaster.” So, you know, not the most original, but historical nonetheless!

180 years old!

We all had to wait here at the entrance while Tim procured our wristbands and also food vouchers, how wonderful! Aside from ice cream and licorice, we hadn’t actually eaten anything substantial at Bakken so we were pretty hungry by this point.

First, though, I needed a bathroom so let’s look at some of the views that were eyeballed along the way as I followed signs for the bathroom like Alice chasing the white rabbit. This place was really giving Wonderland, now that I think about it. It truly felt like we were back in Victorian times, running through a hedge maze looking for the WC.

Turned a corner into a tree of birdhouses, at one point, before finally finding the bathroom!

“Why would you go to Europe just for amusement parks?” said so many people.

Tivoli Gardens is a big reason why. So STEP OFF, HATER.

Tivoli Gardens is literally like one giant garden, just with some roller coasters and other thrills rides springing up here and there. This is the kind of the park that you want to come to even if you don’t like riding anything, because the atmosphere is ethereal, and the food is not your typical soggy burgers and wet pizza that we attribute to American theme parks.

I made Chooch stop for this photo op while we were on the hunt for this alleged veggie burger being served somewhere near the B&M invery, Daemonen.

Found it! Apparently, Henry didn’t want to eat anything at this particular place and he was being a big wah-wah crybaby about it, especially when I told him to take his bitchy ass elsewhere and save us a table.

Meanwhile, Chooch and I had an enjoyable ordering process. This smiling blond girl over there was so friendly! Honestly, we never encountered an unfriendly person anywhere we went except for the TRAIN GUY WHO YELLED AT US AT THE COPENHAGEN AIRPORT. Not a fan of that prick.

This veggie burger was delicious and I loved the souvenir cups our drinks were served in! This was also notable as being Chooch’s introduction to Faxe Kondi, a Sprite-like soft drink that he became obsessed with. He got a bottle of it somewhere else along the way and requested that we keep the bottle. That bottle made it all the way to Helsinki and then somehow didn’t make it back to Pittsburgh, explain yourself, Henry.

Anyway, now he wants a Faxe Kondi t-shirt.

Also, if you live somewhere in the US where Faxe Kondi can be found, please do alert your friendly blog hostess, thanks in advance.

While we were eating, we sent Henry back to the hotel (within walking distance) to get the portable charger because god forbid our phones should die!! Henry actually did it too because thar’s why we bring him. Meanwhile, Chooch and I rode Daemonen with Cassie and Sherry from our group! I was so stoked to ride with new friends. My life is very small and it doesn’t take much for me to feel fulfilled.

LOL who am I kidding?! We all know I’m never satisfied. The doves have been crying about that for years.

Anyway, our first non-US B&M! (I don’t think we rode any in Korea?! Canada?? Definitely not Tokyo Disney Sea.) The restraint stopped so high up – I actually couldn’t believe it and was actually marginally terrified of the amount of wiggle room this allowed. I’m so used to being stapled, I guess.

But overall, a nice invert. It definitely didn’t dethrone any of my faves in the US, but I gotta admit that the theming of Daemonen was beautiful. Look at the ceiling of the station!!

Henry still hadn’t made his big heroic return to the park yet, so Chooch and I continued our quest for credits and got in line for Maelkevejen – a power coaster that translates to Milky Way. This was somehow the longest line we stood in all day (Daemonen was only about 30 minutes) – I really want to say we waited at least an hour. Standing in line and watching each cycle had me questioning my choices because this basically seemed like a tame little family coaster.

View from one of the many parts in line where we set up camp. Henry eventually returned to Tivoli and we saw him being creepy down there, look like Michael Myers in the Daylight, in search of a bush into which to retreat backward. We also saw a bunch of Coaster Crew in line too. Believe me, this would not ever get old to me. I was always so happy to see familiar faces, even if they belonged to the small handful of people I never talked to.

I loved the ceiling of the station!! It was so retro and gave me Gemini feels.

OK you guys – this ride. THIS RIDE. It ended up being one of my favorites of the whole trip and I desperately wish we had been able to reride it, but anytime a ride is THIS fun and makes me scream my go-to giddy coaster curse of JANNAAAAAA!!!! then you know it’s special. It really made me so fucking happy and gave me a big case of the giggles. Even Chooch was laughing too although he made sure to tell me that I was annoying and to stop, but come on, this coaster had him loving life too. I’m sorry, but sometimes I don’t need super intense launches or crazy inversions – just give me some surprise tunnels and a gut-tickling helix.

For reference, Adventure Express, the fucking MINE TRAIN, is one of my favorite coasters at King’s Island. And this is a park with a stacked coaster line-up. But I will marathon that bitch and act so chaotic that I get yelled at by the ride crew. Airtime’s great but sometimes all I need is FUNTIME.

That made no sense and is probably also my queue to end this recap here because it’s getting late and we’re leaving early in the AM for King’s Dominion. More about this amazing amusement park coming soon!

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Ayo, I am over here drowning in photos that need sorted on my phone, so instead of posting about the second park of our trip, let’s jump ahead like, 8 days and look at post-Coaster Crew photos of Chooch and me being extremely incompatible in Stockholm, Sweden. This was, as noted, our first day without the Coaster Crew buffer so we resumed bickering like little fucking assholes, assuming no one would catch us in our true form but then of course we bumped into a couple of them shopping in Gamla Stan. It’s fine!

Anyway, these photos were also taken in Gamla Stan, after I had cooled off (LOL sort of) from an argument with Henry triggered by his utter inability to take a fucking picture of me. But just you wait, Freddy, we’ll get to that in all the gory detail when the time comes.

Tonight, Henry and I are going to see the Kang Daniel tour documentary at the theater (woo!) but hopefully I will have time tomorrow to finish editing Tivoli pictures because you guys (Linda, Mary, George, Marvin – if I forgot to name you, don’t worry, you’re still a voice I hear in my head!) really need to see them and then feel inspired to go visit Tivoli Gardens. It was pure magic there. Sigh.

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How is Chooch a senior?! Oh my gourd, you are so shocked that this is my very original, unique only to me, reaction. No other parent feels this way. Look at me, first mother ever of a 12th grader.

It’s never been done before.

I was going to try and go the contrary route, bee-bop down blasé boulevard, and act like, “Who me? Yeah I got a kid in the TWELFTH GRADE. Me and millions of other moms. Just another day in the life. Bitch please.”

Anyway, yeah I’m gutted. It sucks. (For me, obviously yay Chooch, hoorah, etc.) I’m so stressed with college things and I just can’t.

I was so stoked that he was going to go back to taking pubtrans to school, after getting too spoiled/reliant on me taking him and his friend every day after THE KNEE INCIDENT. But I still have to set my alarm to make sure he gets up because our friend Chooch does not always respond to his alarm.

However, on this particular morning, I had my alarm set for 5:30 but then I heard him getting ready to go downstairs at 5:15! All dressed and ready! I was like what is the meaning of this and he was like “something something Senior Sunrise at the Point” and I know he meant it was like his class gathering at the Point to watch the sunrise or whatever but I kept imaging Paul Eugene there filming a gospel yoga class for seniors.

All of this is to say that’s why his FDOS photos al were taken in the house and not outside, because it was still pitch black out there. Ooof. I dunno how he didn’t fall sleep on the T.

Also, nevermind the fact that he has a tennis bag, he insists on using this small child-sized Kirby backpack, which, let’s be real, I would choose that too over a regular backpack.

So yeah, first day of twelfth grade. I actually went into the office today because I needed company/distractions. It was a good decision and seeing familiar faces was really awesome but now my cat Drew and the squirrels are pissed off at me. :/

I need to go stuff some emotional support licorice into my maw. BBL.

P.S. I think I really need to deadname Chooch and start calling him Riley since he’s 17 fucking years old. UGH WHY.

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I’m excited to bring to you photos of the very first park of our Coaster Crew Norden Adventure! Bakken is located just outside of Copenhagen in a town called Klampenborg and it has the distinction of being the world’s oldest operating amusement park. Linda, I have watched so many videos about this place and it was one of the most anticipated stops on the itinerary – it did NOT disappoint!

After our inaugural breakfast with the group (we sat with Pam!!), we boarded the double-decker coach bus for the first of many drives. The excitement was palpable. Well, maybe not Henry’s excitement. He pretty much kept up the general demeanor of a prison warden the whole time, like he was being assigned to sit on a bus with coaster delinquents, making sure no one set off fire crackers in the bus bathroom or ate a tuna fish sandwich on the sly.

We sat adjacent from Justin, who was giddily telling me and the couple in front of me (Marie and Eric) his made-up, inappropriate limericks and jokes. He…was a real source of entertainment for some, but not for all.

I also met Josh and Nick that day, but I don’t think they liked me because I’m a woman who deigned to butt into a conversation about a coaster in South Korea that I have ridden and was just trying to make a connection, but it’s fine. I’m used to being a broad at the sausage party. And the coaster community is just basically a whole ass sausage factory. The older people were a lot more welcoming anyway, so I got over it pretty quickly (LOL as I stayed up until 1AM wine-drunk and ranting to Janna about it).

I believe the weather was in the high 60s that day, maybe pushing 70, and sunny AF.

Right off the bat, I was ENCHANTED by Bakken. It was small, festive, quirky. It definitely didn’t feel like an amusement park by American standards at all, but if I were pressed to compare it to something here….Knoebels? Because while Bakken had a small ride collection, including several coasters, it also had an abundance of restaurants. And I’m not talking like the shitty Six Flags fare we have all come to accept in the States, but legit, nice, sit-down restaurants. If I lived nearby, I could see myself wanting to frequent it for not just the rides (Bakken has a pay-per-ride option!), but even just for a date night (LOL when I imagined this, it was not Henry on these dream dates with me, but the silhouette iPhone emoji). Ugh, I loved the ambiance here SO MUCH.

I mean, would ya LOOK?!

OMG this was one of the best mine trains I have ever ridden. I guess I was expecting some janky death trap, being in the oldest park in the world, but it was fantastic.

Rutschebanen (literally “roller coaster”) was on the anticipated list for me even though it was recently refurbed so that the need for a brakeman was no longer a thing. But it’s still notorious for having a tunnel that is straddled by a giant wooden cutout of a naked lady, so you’re, you know, passing between her legs. It’s amazing and I was so giddy when we got to the part!

I heard a lot of the enthusiasts in our group saying that they were disappointed with this coaster, but I was fully entertained! Look, sometimes a coaster just needs to be a basic fun time, OK? And this was that for me. (Even though I stapled myself BADLY both times we rode it!)

Dude you guys, one of the people in our group, Johnny, films POVs for YouTube. Chooch and I took the back seat, but Henry was like, “ME BIG SHOT MAN, ME WAIT FOR FRONT SEAT” and Johnny asked if he could sit with him. Chooch of course was like, “LOOK, HE MADE A FRIEND” and we were braying over this like the fucking assholes we are. I was talking to Johnny on the way back to the bus (after we ditched Henry and left without him because he was trying to be COOL GUY again by telling some of the younger guys where the gift shop was) and he had me scan his QR code so I could subscribe. Of course I was screaming last night when he posted his POV of Rutschebannen!! HENRY IS SO EMBARRASSING!

I love this video though because I get to see Coaster Crew people! And at the end, after the awkward silence as the train sat on the brake run, that’ Justin asking Johnny questions from the line!

Guys, hoo boy. Tornado was…something else. I have watched plenty of videos about this so I knew going in  that it was going to be crazy, but that it would be even CRAZIER if you can get the ride op to send you in something called BOOST MODE. From the reactions I have seen on YouTube, this is not for the faint of heart. I’m not enough of a coaster nerd to really understand this, but the coaster itself is a spinning model, right? And there is something that the ride op can do where he reaches under the car and — disables, maybe? — a magnet, resulting in an uncontrolled, chaotic spin session. I mean first of, even without boost mode, you’re launched over a lift hill and that alone made me feel like I was being decapitated by the over-the-shoulder restraints.

PAM AND KEVIN ON TORNADO. Who is Kevin, you might be asking? He was another single traveler in our group and he and Pam just kind of organically paired up that day as riding partners, and it just stuck! The number of times I yelled, “THERE’S PAM AND KEVIN!” throughout the trip, you guys, it was a lot. I was always so happy to see them!

Anyway! This was our first time riding it that day and Henry was being a big sissy and said he didn’t want us to ask for boost mode. So, Chooch and I got back in line later that day, but the line was a lot longer than it was when we rode it earlier, so we were concerned about that because we still wanted to explore other parts of the park.

Right after we got in line, this one guy that I recognized from my FAVORITE coaster Youtuber’s, El Toro Ryan,  videos got in line behind us with two other guys. I figured if anyone would know about boost mode it would be Mark and this IS SO DISTURBING and makes me look like a fucking creepy freak, but I knew that he had been to this park before (BLAME YOUTUBE). So I turned around and asked, “Is boost mode worth standing in this line for?”

“Oh, they won’t do boost mode anymore,” he said sadly. “We tried.” And I do remember seeing comments on someone’s YouTube channel from locals who were saying the same thing. I was both disappointed and relieved! Anyway, Mark ended up talking to us the entire time we were in line, and he was beyond nice! I was so happy to be talking to another Coaster Crew person, you guys have no idea! Anyway, he even gave us tips on how to hold the restraint so that the decapitation sensation didn’t happen again.

THANKS MARK IT WORKED!

Anyway, Chooch and I rode with two young girls and while I didn’t notice the ride op doing anything untoward beneath our car, it really felt like we had boost mode?! I mean, it felt like we were riding a completely different coaster from earlier, and I was SCREAMING. I mean, it was horrific, the spinning was unhinged, but I was also laughing hysterically. Even the girls were like OH MY GOD as the coaster came to a stop on the brake run and we all just sat there stunned and bonded over the shared trauma.

I did hear later on that SOME PEOPLE in our group ALLEGEDLY did get boost mode so maybe we did?? I’ll tell you one thing, if that WASN’T boost mode, then I don’t think I want to ever get it. Because whatever we had on that ride was pushing the limit for me, lol.

This is where their clown lives!! Sadly, his first performance of the day was scheduled for the exact time we had to be back on the bus and I was more crushed about this than Boost Mode: Did We or Didn’t We.

And now please enjoy a series of photos of Chooch and me getting that kiddie coaster cred:

Trolls are big over there.

American Troll.

YEAH. BOI. Pistachio for me. I can’t remember if I even looked to see if there was a licorice option, now that I think about it!

Ahhh, this was my indoctrination into Living That Licorice Life. I had been telling Henry for months that aside from the amusement parks, I was most excited to eat all of the fucking licorice on this trip. My love for licorice happened by accident several years ago when I went to Jungle Jims in Cinci and brought back the motherlode of foreign candy for my pumpkin of international candy horrors at work. One of the things I bought, unbeknownst to myself, was SALTY LICORICE (actually from a Danish brand, if I remember correctly). Everyone fucking hated it except for Glenn and me. Actually, I’m not even sure I liked it but I became addicted to the palette trauma and ate them until I got sick, and then bought more bags on Amazon.

I didn’t know at the time about the salmiak phenomenon in Scandinavia and Finland, but once I started researching for this trip, I was like, “OH SNAP IT’S ON.”

So, this was my first Danish licorice purchase! Henry and Chooch chose some non-black licorice flavs, but I was like, “Salmiak me, please.” I started noshing immediately, and of course while we were in line for this one indoor shooter ride, a couple from our group got in line with us and started talking to us; I was CONVINCED that my teeth were coated in licorice tar, so I was trying to talk without moving my lips too much. They ended up still talking to us throughout the entire trip (Dawn and Robert! Two of my faves, honestly) so I guess I didn’t scare them off by recreating the “Francis Chews Trick Gum” scene of Pee Wee’s Big Adventure:

An OK wild mouse. I’ll remember it as the first time we talked to Alex from South Coasters! He sat in our car with Chooch and we briefly chatted afterward – just a really nice guy and he always said hello to us after that.

I wonder what they had at the American Diner…

Um…this was the SLEEPER HIT of Bakken for me! Actually, it was one of my favorites of the whole trip! Looked like it would be something similar to the Spider rides we have in America, but holy shit, this thing was psychotic. It had a wicked spin, and then what I referred to as “the bonus round” once the ride came back to the ground and you’d think the cycle was over, but then it started doing another round of chaotic Scrambler-like spinning on the ground! I was laughing like a hyena and even Chooch was screaming, “How is this so good?!”

LOVE ME A DARK RIDE.

First #carouselfie of the trip! Also,  this carousel doesn’t really stop moving so people just wait to jump on?? I was like, “Where is the line?” and Henry was like, “Um, I think you’re just supposed to run onto it?” It was actually kind of terrifying.

Super small, but it got the job done!

Chooch got his own ice cream later because he was waiting in a long bathroom line apparently when we ordered our ice cream earlier. He got this cute character cup, but then realized almost every park we went to have their own versions so now we have like, 4 of them.

Hidden troll!

One of the things we quickly learned was that a lot of buildings in Denmark had grass on the roofs. Very enchanting!

We left around 3pm to make our way back to Copenhagen so that we could be let loose in Tivoli Garden, but not before our bus driver nearly took out a bunch of cars in his attempt to drive our doubledecker coach bus down a very narrow, definitely not made for a tour bus, road. More like, lane

Bonus: The houses near Bakken were $$$$$$$.

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Actually whipped out the ‘good’ camera in Tallinn, Estonia and forced Chooch to have his picture taken a bunch of times. These are those pictures. (That’s his “get this over with” forced smile :))

One of my co-workers kind of made me feel like a basic bitch for taking a day trip to Tallinn, but I swear it was such a highlight for all of us, really. The Old Town was so enchanting, the people were wonderful, the vibes were right. I will definitely say  more about that in future posts, but I’m just really glad that I was able to get some decent shots of Chooch in this great town of marzipan & amber.

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Henry and I went to Kennywood after work yesterday because their hours are being downsized to ‘weekends only’ after this week, plus they extended their weekday hours to 10PM and I NEEDED a Phantom night ride. I hate this new-ish, post-pandemic trend of amusement parks closing at like 7 or 8, rendering night rides impossible.

As soon as we arrived in the parking lot, I was like, “Oh shit, this place is DEAD.” And then we got inside and everything was a walk-on, station wait at most. I can’t remember the last time I saw Kennywood this empty?? It was almost eerie. The Racer sent one train 1/4 full, and the other train had two people.  Usually that line is out of the queue.

(Don’t worry, ops were still AWFUL so it’s not like we walked on and rode straight away.)

This was the queue for Exterminator!!! WE WALKED RIGHT ON. The only time I can remember this ever happening was when Chooch and I got in line right after the park opened, but before the rides were running, and we were the first riders of the day – but there were a ton of people behind us.

Anyway, nothing super exciting happened during our four hours of Kennyfun, but I wanted to dump the photos here for posterity. I also want to just say that I feel so fucking spoiled after spending two weeks running around amusement parks with other grown-ass adults who also just want to have fun! I’m grateful that Henry and Chooch like doing this but fuck, it gets lonely. We get free friend passes with our season memberships and they go to waste every year.

(Cry about it, Erin.)

(OH, I WILL, THANKS.)

Mainly, we came for this BAY-BAY:

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This fucking coaster. How is it legal?? I could marathon the fuck out of this.

If I wasn’t with HENRY AND HIS OLD-ASS BONES. I think we only rode it 5x. So lame.

I love Kennywood at night.

It really is always a good time. Unless you’re being harassed on Facebook while you’re there, which no longer happens to me since I’m not on Facebook anymore :)

My only gripe about Kennywood, aside from Steel Curtain STILL being a huge ass SBNO pile of steel, is that this is another season with NO Phantom merch. If Kennywood had their fingers on the pulse of the coaster community, they would know that Phantom is an elite coaster that people travel from OTHER COUNTRIES to ride. It routinely makes enthusiasts’ top 20 lists. People come to Kennywood on coaster road trips and want to BUY A FUCKING T-SHIRT. So I have decided that I’m just going to make my own goddamn Phantom’s Revenge t-shirt because fuck you, Kennywood.

I mean, I love you Kennywood, but read the fucking room.

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