Urgent. Will die without reading.
- 13:50 Me: “chooch don’t you think mommy and daddy should get married?” Chooch: “asshole!” #
- 15:12 Just woke up chooch in the backseat so he could see his first rainbow. His response? A grumpy “you asshole.” #
- 20:18 HI JANNA AND I R AT BDAY PARTY EATIN FOOD DRINKIN WINEEEE #
- 20:33 Some guy just walked around introducing himself. Janna asked “did he just bless us?” Um no. He told us his name. #
- 20:50 There is a woman at this party getting pleasured by a snake. #
- 21:43 Janna hit me!!! #
- 22:16 I pee fast. Like a doood. #
- 22:28 I love u when I’m drunk. #
- 22:36 There needs to be some cheese cubes going on in this bitch. Yo. Sup. #
- 23:03 Apparently, she’s in my tit. #
- 23:03 I have to change my tam to the pon. #
- 23:35 Mr. Aorta wants to talk to you! Hear the cries of the carrots!!! You fuckers!! #
- 23:55 Evidentally I look JUST LIKE a WWE diva. #
- 10:22 What good is a supposed best friend if they never answer their phone. Currently screening for a new one, submit applications. #
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I went to my friend Brenna’s birthday party Saturday night. (Though, if you go by my text to Christina, I was “drunk at Bernna s parteeeee.”) She asked me to bring food, so I brought Janna but then was severely disappointed when no one noshed on her thigh. I also brought a bottle of wine and then demanded that Brenna open it immediately because Mama’s kid had given her some shaky hands. I drank a big cup of Merlot entirely too fast, got nice and warm, discovered some kind gentleman had brought a case of Woodchuck, and my mental reflexes quickly went downhill from there.
But it was a good time. We laughed a lot, mostly I laughed for no reason much like the criminally insane (I mean, so I hear) and punched Janna’s arm a lot. I even got to explore Brenna’s basement, in the purest, non-sexual sense.
Brenna’s friends were nice. Liz (whom I’ve met previously and already knew was rad) and Diana doled out cigarettes to me (and Diana kept poking Janna’s belly which I was glad for); Nick was my designated bottle-opener throughout the night; Jay entertained me with tales of psychedelic cats and crystals; Dave showed me a picture of his cat licking its ass and then said I look like WWE diva Jillian Hall (I Googled her when I came home, and while I do look like I’m on steroids, my jugs are nowhere near as mountainous); and Willis, after blessing us, showed off his art portfolio AND invited us back for a feast, at which point Jay blurted out that he wants to slaughter his own lamb and I was like, “Damn, this party done got GOOD.”
Happy birthday, Brenna!