Feb 282014
 

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Eating a sopapilla at El Campesino. He’s obsessed with sopapillas ever since the time I randomly started shouting,”SOPAPILLA” in an Italian accent. Yes, I know sopapillas are Spanish, thanks.

  • There is this lady that we see every morning on the walk to school and she is just the worst. Really miserable and rude to us, so we have ceased trying to eke a “good morning” from her. This particular lady walks with a cane, though it remains to be seen if she actually needs it (Henry thinks that she doesn’t). Chooch always wants to say something disparaging when we pass her, like the day when he overheard her talking to another parent and just about lost his mind because she won’t talk to US but she’ll talk to someone else? (Someday, he will understand it’s because we are the Brookline pariahs.) Anyway, I decided that we needed a nickname for her, because up until then we had just been calling her Cane Lady, which just isn’t nice, even though she is a Lady with a Cane. So I decided we should call her Candy, short for Candy Cane. It’s ironic because she is THE OPPOSITE OF SWEET, YOU GUYS. We had an encounter with her the other day, so Chooch said loudly, “THE LADY WITH THE CANE THAT WE CALL CANDY IS OVER THERE BY THAT CAR!” I had to smother him with my mittened hand and explain to him that HELLO that negates the whole point of a nickname. Later, I was telling Henry about this and how I chose the name “Candy” so we wouldn’t be obvious. “Yeah,” he said in a sigh steeped in sarcasm. “Because you two are NEVER obvious.”

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My new favorite My Pretty Zombie eyeshadow: Celery & Bile!!

  • There are two people from Australia being trained here at the Pittsburgh office for a few weeks, so that’s exciting. Whenever new people are hired in our department (which has a branch in Melbourne now), one of the managers will send an email telling us a little bit about that person. That’s how I learned a few weeks ago that the one Australian apparently was in A BAND and toured BRAZIL. Naturally, this appeals to me. When I saw the two Australians for the first time on Monday, I thought to myself, “Wow, the boy one really looks familiar” and then it occurred to me that this was because I had Googled him extensively to find out if he was in a cool band or something dumb (I didn’t find out, but I did see a picture of him drumming with long hair). I can’t wait to ask him if he likes Hands Like Houses (they are Australian!)! But that requires “talking to someone new” and I’m not sure I’m up for that.

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There was a truck idling in front of our house and Marcy was trying to send it to Hell with her eyes.

  • My friend Brandy is on her way to a Foreigner concert as I write this, and it inspired me to listen to them tonight at work, because I do love a good Foreigner jam. However, the volume was all the way up on my phone, so when I turned on the Spotify playlist, Foreigner came rocketing out of the speakers with no warning and I got all flustered and almost fell out of my chair as I struggled to turn it down even though it’s late shift at The Law Firm and no one is even around my office. I initially felt embarrassed for listening to Foreigner, but then I got over it because maybe I AM waiting for a girl like you.

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Kendahl made me take a picture of my nails with candy. She’s going to be making her own nail polish and I can hardly wait!!

  • My brother Corey and I are planning a trip together for late 2014/early 2015 and I’m beyond excited but also a little nervous because it’s me and Corey. The furthest we’ve ever gone on a trip together is Philly and we had to call Henry a thousand times for directions. I can’t believe Henry is “letting” me do this. He even found my passport for me. Wait. I think I see where this is going….
  • Tomorrow I’m going to attempt to ice skate for the first time since I was 15. I sucked at it when I was 15, so this should be extremely dangerous and painful.

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    • A security guard just walked past my seemed pleased to hear “Jukebox Hero” playing. A live version, no less.
    • The apples I’ve had this week have only been so-so.
    • Today when Henry was driving me to work, he was forced to stop kind of far out at a red light. It was either stop with the front end of the car jutting out into the cross walk or run the light. Of course this happened just in time for some dumb bitch in a stupid white parka to cross the street in front of us and then make this dramatic “Now I have to walk a few inches to the right to get around your car” motion with her arms, followed by a “pushing back your car” mime. Then she SMILED AT US AND WAVED AND IT WAS TOTALLY SARCASTIC. Friends, the blood rushed to my face. I wanted to jump out of the car and charge after her, tackle her and smear mud on her shitty white parka. “LOOK AT HOW SMUGLY SHE WALKS!” I screamed at Henry, who had already moved past the incident and was trying to find Ted Nugent on the radio. It honestly ruined my afternoon. Especially because that’s totally the type of pedestrian I am, too. Ugh. I hate myself.
    • Another Fitness Challenge is going to be happening here at The Law Firm in a few weeks and I am so stoked! My team this time is Debbie S., Chris and Nate and we are going to kill it. I hope.

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I painted this today and Henry said when he saw it on Facebook, he thought it was a picture I got from the Internet because he has no faith in my artistic disabilities. I was offended for about 5 minutes until Andrea was all, “I WANT TO BUY THIS BEFORE SOME OTHER ASSHOLE DOES” so there, Henry. I have prints of it available on Etsy just in case anyone cares.

  • Apparently my threshhold for Foreigner is 20 minutes so now I’m listening to my beloved 1980’s darkwave channel.
  • Somehow soap got in my Smart Ones.
  • You guys, I really have nothing else going on. This winter has been terrible as far as “doing things” goes and my mental stamina is at an all time low. And it’s going to get worse before it gets better, apparently. I have a ton of shit lined up for March, and none of those things better get fucked up by snow, that’s for sure.

Peace out, Girl Scout.

  4 Responses to “Friday’s Verbal Fapping.”

  1. Reading something mentioning Juke Box Hero right before bed was a bad idea. I know what I’m going to be singing for the next few days now!

    Your nails always look so awesome!

  2. Go talk to the Australian people! They have the coolest accents. If I ever were to get divorced, my next husband would NEED to have an Australian accent. I have my priorities straight.

    My interest is piqued on how exactly one would go about pleasing a dragon fruit.

  3. “who had already moved past the incident and was trying to find Ted Nugent on the radio.”

    I just lost it at this right as some asshole came knocking. His first impression of me was that I am nutty and I hope as a result he never comes back.

    “A security guard just walked past my seemed pleased to hear “Jukebox Hero” playing. A live version, no less.”

    Again I lose it.

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