I have had so much to say but so little time! Most evenings, I’m too caught up in exercise/roller coaster videos/k-dramas to focus on blogging.

#EXCUSESOLDASTIME

But I do enjoy blasting out these bulletpoint thought collectives and I hope that’s OK.

So here’s a recap of WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING ASIDE FROM BREATHING.

• I mean, making cards obviously. So far this V-day season, we have done double the amount we did last year! I am so humbled that there are people out there who like my designs, I don’t know if that will ever stop surprising me, especially since I have been making them for so long but only started selling a significant amount over the last several years.  This year, the Golden Girls set has nearly surpassed the serial killers, with The Cure set following close behind, and I have plans to add other pop-culture Valentine sets for next year!  Also, we learned A LOT from last year, mostly that we were woefully unprepared for the explosion of sales we saw. I thought we were going to get an imaginary divorce from our fake marriage, that’s how much stress-quarreling we did. But this season, Henry stocked up on the paper we use (it’s real good quality and we order it from a paper company online, so if we run out, we can’t just like, run to Staples and buy something comparable), hooked up an old printer to use just for printing shipping labels, and then bought a THIRD printer so now he can print cards on two printers at once and things have been running so much smoother. Chooch has taken an interest in assembling all of the little sets (he just likes using a stapler I think) and I am on packaging patrol, so we have a veritable assembly line going on in our dining room. It’s actually kind of satisfying!
• Last Sunday, it occurred to me that I was supposed to have had plans the day before with two friends, but I forgot, and they both either forgot as well or just felt relieved that I forgot and kept their mouths shut in hopes that I wouldn’t suddenly remember and send a text. So, we’re all either totally scatterbrained or I have less friends than I thought I had, lolol. I have plans tomorrow with  two different friends so hopefully that date pans out or my self-awareness might actually slather me with jam and consume me.
• • Literally right after I typed all of that, the friends for tomorrow both texted to confirm plans so we’re already one step ahead! I hope plans don’t fall through because we’re meeting at Pamela’s for breakfast and I am HUNGRY FOR BLUEBERRY HOTCAKES.

• I was trying to convince myself that Monday was going to be a GREAT DAY so I wore this happy stars print blouse, a hot pink fun fur coat, and my favorite fake-teeth cameo. It…..didn’t work but I still thought it looked cool SO TOO BAD.
• So, I have been doing Gospel Aerobics again just for the LOLs and I’ll tell you what, no matter how shitty of a day I might be having,  even just spending 15 minutes with Paul Eugene and his totally adorable enthusiasm and spirited grunting can totally turn my day around.  I was burning off some steam before it was Jillian Michaels Time (I have a lot of energy,  and that’s not always a great thing) Monday evening, and I just became absolutely struck with the Giggles.  I couldn’t hold it in any longer, I had this Big Ass WHOOOOOO bubbling up inside of me and it needed to be released. So I whipped open the front door just as some man was jogging past and I let rip the most gutteral WHOOOOOO from my lungs and before I had the chance to fully enjoy the echo of it ricocheting off the houses as it bounced down the street, I drop-rolled back into the house, leaving Henry–who was alone on the front porch taking out the garbage–look like the main WHOOO culprit. He was not amused, but I was rocking back and forth, holding my knees into my chest, laughing until I was crying. Chooch mumbled from the other room that I was so embarrassing and I was like WHATEVER YOUR FRIENDS WISH THEY HAD A MOM LIKE ME.

• Ugh, Thursday morning was so gross. First I had to call the bank and then I had to go to the post office after riding downtown on the trolley which is usually OK but on my late shift days, the normal trolley clientele is completely different and unruly and I ended up sitting behind a white trash mom and daughter who were SCREAMING to each other about detox and counselors and blah blah blah so I then I craned my neck a bit to see what they were reading and it was a form from their COCAINE GROUP. And is it weird that my first reaction was, “Wow, people still do cocaine?” I never hear about it anymore!
• • Anyway, speaking of cocaine, the whole bank thing was annoying because I had an IRA that matured at the end of January and so I called the bank around that time and said, “I don’t want to roll this over. How can I cash it in?” and yes, I know, it’s good to have these things but I have this one for-fucking-ever, it’s under $1000, and I make like less than a quarter on it every year. Normally I would just let it roll over and not think twice, but we are getting our monies in order for our next Korea trip and I thought it would be nice to have a little extra spending money. Anyway, now that I justified my motives to strangers on the internet, this broad at the bank was like “I can just move it into your checking acct.” Wow, that seemed easy. So I asked, “It’s that easy?” She said yes. So then around 2 weeks go by and that money is still showing up as an IRA. This time I went to a branch downtown and they were like, “Duh….um, durrrr…..this says that the IRA rolled over and has a new date of 1/23/2021.” and said that the branch manager would call me the next day. HE NEVER DID. So I had to call HIM which is annoying and he was like WE CAN’T DO THAT ON THE PHONE THERE ARE FORMS YOU HAVE TO SIGN and I was like THAT IS WHAT I THOUGHT, DAVE FROM THE BANK. Like, I do know some things. So then he was like, “what do you need the money for?” COCAINE, DAVE. LOTS OF FUCKING COCAINE TO STICK UP MY NOSE ON THE TIP OF MY SILVER PINKY FINGER NAIL. Like really dude? OK I get that he was probably just wanting me to say something like, “I am going to use it to buy lots of Flex Seal to patch the holes on my shanty, Dave” so then he could try to instead talk me into a loan. My response was a bratty, “I just want to have it.” Anyway, he had to call the IRA department to see what could be done and guess what Princess Erin got her way and he was able to waive the penalty and GIVE ME MY FUCKING MONEY. But of course I had to go to the branch and sign the forms and it was RAINING that day and my umbrella is half-broken and a total embarrassment (like me when I scream out of the front door at random joggers).  Ugh, I felt like Thursday was so full of adult things, and it was gross. I need to go to an amusement park like now.
• • • Maybe I should use my newly acquired, insidious bounty to buy a new umbrella.
• • • Also, I was knocked off my self-righteous high horse of thinking that this was entirely the bank’s fault because when I was on the phone with Dave, I asked snidely, “Isn’t there a log of me calling that day!?” and he said yes, and that there was also an outbound call from the next day, to which I said teenagarily, “Well, I didn’t get a call.” But then I went and checked my voicemails and you guys, shit goddamn fuck, someone DID call me the next day and left a message for me so I guess somewhere along the way, someone realized they DONE FUCKED UP when they approved my IRA-cash out via telephone, and they tried to rectify it the next day, probably with the intention of telling me that I had to go to a branch and sign forms, and then when I didn’t call back (because I never answer my phone/check voicemail; I’m a phone hermit) the window of maturation expired and my IRA rolled over.
• • • • YEAH BUT THEY FUCKED UP FIRST!!!
• • • While I signed the forms, Dave gave me a lecture (for the second time that day) about why IRAs are important and good to have and I was like, “Yes, I know, DAVE. But a plane ticket to Korea is ALSO GOOD TO HAVE.”
• • • • FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

• Pittsburgh looked like a horror movie set earlier this week and I was loving it. Was not loving coming back to work from my lunch break walk looking like I went to the salon asking for the Ms. Frizzle style.
• Hey speaking of horror movies, my work friend Cathy excitedly came to my desk the other day to tell me that she started watching a new show on Netflix that just happens to be a South Korean drama and I screamed, “IS IT KINGDOM?!” and it is! I’m so geeked that I finally have someone at work to talk to about a k-drama!!!! Also, Glenn said he’s interested in watching it because it’s about zombies and he was relieved when I told him that there’s an option to watch it dubbed but I don’t know why anyone would choose that option other than losers like Glenn. Actually, when I started watching it, it defaulted to dubbed and I freaked out, yelling about, “I CAN’T WATCH THIS IF IT’S IN ENGLISH, HENRY!!” so he had to frantically fix it for me before I went on another one of my daily America bashing rants.
• I texted Boss Amber, who had a baby and abandoned us but whatever, to give her this update and she was like WHAT DID YOU DO TO CATHY but this was not my doing for once! Amber is going to come back from maternity leave and find a lightstick collection and pictures of biases on Cathy’s desk because it all starts with ONE kdrama/Kpop song/bitchin’ bowl of bibimbap.

• That stupid Babe Cave had their grand opening last weekend and I already can’t wait for this hideous establishment to close.
• I love watching theme park vlogs on YouTube but then I inevitably run into the obligatory ROLLER COASTER TRAGEDY in my feed, lose all feeling in my extremities and the ability to stop myself from freely peeing, dry heave a little, and then swear off coasters until the next day.
• Chooch: what is that thing you say when someone dies? My prayers are in your hands?
• • Yes, that’s what people say. Say that.

Well, on that note, I’m going to sign off and go back to micromanaging my employees at the Pioneer Ave. Printing Press.

I was really happy with the positive response and support my “health talk” blog post received a few weeks ago! Thanks to everyone who reached out — I hope it generated some motivation for those looking for it!

Since it’s been a little over a month since I convinced Chooch to jump on my (resistance)bandwagon, I thought it would be a good time to check in and update our progress.

First of all, I am so proud of Chooch! He has been kicking ass at these Jillian Michaels Body Revolution workouts and has been super thoughtful about what he chooses to eat. We’ve had some great talks about nutrition with daily reminders that it’s not about the number on the scale. (With me trying to practice what I preach, sigh.) Yes, he has lost seven pounds, but more importantly, he is feeling healthier and has told me numerous times that he LOOKS FORWARD TO WORKING OUT. Every day I am like, “look child let us not forget that this about your weight” and he is like “yeah I know but I like weighing myself; it’s fun.”

….said no one other than my son.

Look, you can ask Janna (lol I’ll give you her number)–when I stepped in and made Chooch do this, I wondered if I was a bad parent, if I was toeing the line of fat-shaming or being too pageant mom. I didn’t want to give him a complex like I wound up inheriting from my weight-obsessed childhood. I tried to do this very carefully, by assuring him that there was nothing “wrong” with him but that I worried he was setting the tone for the rest of his life. I think we all know how fucking hard it is to change our diets and lifestyles as an adult! I just wanted him to get a head start, to learn all the things that I wish I took more seriously back then, like, I don’t know, PORTION CONTROL.

VEGETABLES.

TAKING DAILY WALKS TO BATTLE DEPRESSION.

GETTING A COLLEGE DEGREE.

Wait—what was this post about again?

So basically, Chooch eats the same thing I have for dinner – tons of vegetables, an egg, either rice or noodles, sometimes some mock-meat or tofu.

Here’s an example from the weekend. Egg, sweet potatoes, okra, pumpkin, and carrots with noodles buried under that produce treasure chest. I am an excellent food photographer.

(There actually is an Erin Kelly in Pgh who takes food photos for several local publications and people are always tagging me those Instagram posts like IS THIS YOU and I am like WOULD I DO SOMETHING SO NORMAL THO.)

And we no longer rely on school lunches, which was actually his request anyway, because their “vegetarian” option was typically an UNCRUSTABLE. Seriously, school?? The last (hopefully reusable plastic) straw for him was when he was nearly made amends with one of the lunch ladies he’s had a long-running feud with; he was wearing his Hamilton shirt so she started talking to him about it and said she was going to see it that week and he was like great can I have a PB&J and she was like sorry we’re out and he was like cool back to hating the lunch lady.

So I have been making his lunch for him every day, which is something he hasn’t asked me for since he was LITTLE so it’s been fun doing an actual Mom Thing! He keeps raving about the sandwiches I make him with veggie deli meat because he just loves the crunchy carrot slivers I add to it but the best part of that is it’s actually raw strips of butternut squash which is a veg that he insists he hates HAHAHA.

The other day, he offhandedly said to me, “You know, even though I’m a diet, I don’t feel hungry at all!” That’s because he’s not on a diet! We are not counting calories or doing any extreme restrictions – we’re just making sure he’s getting more balanced meals instead of just shoving a fake chicken patty at him with a side of tater tots.

But it’s the exercising too. He has been developing some muscle and is obsessed with feeling up his arms, lol. There has not been one day when I have had to force him to exercise with me. He told me he actually looks forward to it! It’s because we finally found a routine that he likes, and if you read my previous health talk post, this was a big thing I brought up: FIND EXERCISE THAT YOU LIKE! As long as you are moving, that’s really half the battle. There is no sense in doing some crazy P90X thing if you’re feeling miserable, unmotivated, and just all-around dreading it. That’s when you start making excuses! This Jillian Michaels routine is actually something that I tried in the past and just honestly didn’t do regularly enough because I couldn’t commit. But having a workout partner really does hold me accountable and I find that I actually look forward to it, even after working all day.

(But I’ll tell you, even when we’re doing brutal burpees or plank-ups, he never stops talking. Like bruh, how u have so much to say in those 30 minutes? Save it for later! ALONG WITH YOUR FARTS. Ugh.)

Chooch is in competition with Omar there on the left. We know all their names and have our favorites and ones who make us cringe. I really like Mimi and Natalie, FYI.

We are currently on Phase 2 of the program, which means we have advanced to Cardio 2 and Circuit Training levels 5 & 6. It sucks, but we do it diligently. We even woke up early on the day we went to Toronto so we could do our cardio since we the next full day in Canada was going to be our rest day.

I have been very careful not to nag him or pressure him, and it’s just kind of like a routine by now. He doesn’t complain and he doesn’t give up. He has seen the positive changes this has brought to his life and he likes it!

He’s still allowed to play his dumb games but now it’s more of a reward, like a means of relaxation for him.

Also, all credit goes to me, and none to Henry.

Anyway, I will check back in probably sometime next month, after we make it to Phase 3!

“No Ordinary Love” by Sade came on when I was perusing the Pop Sugar clothing collection at Kohl’s on Sunday and I did that thing that I do when I am struck by warm, trickling nostalgia: gasp audibly and clutch my heart, theatrically mouth the words.

Then I realized Henry wasn’t standing near me anymore so I was That Person and it was fine. I care about so little these days.

I know so many people disagree with me on A LOT of things but I’d be willing to wager that if you are reading this right now, you may have thought to yourself, “Hell yes blogbitch, that is the mutherfuckin’ SLOWJAM of our generation, preach.” Anytime I hear it, whether it’s because I have on the actual record (you know, back when I had a record player that worked and then suddenly it didn’t and Henry was all, “I WILL FIX IT WITH MY FIXER MAN HANDS” but then he fell asleep for 40 days instead) or because I’m tagging along at the grocery store and Sade’s sultry-husk comes pouring out of the speakers while I’m dramatically gagging at in the meat department, I am instantly taken back to 7th grade, sitting on my bed and watching the video on BET, scribbling in my Composition book-slash-diary (probably the one that said ERIN LUVZ JOSH all over it in pink highlighter) about how I couldn’t wait to grow up and have a NO ORDINARY LOVE of my own.

And then I grew up and…well…lol.

(Who else was like mindblown when they learned how to pronounce Sade and then spent the rest of their life as a pronunciation crusader, correcting every dummy that called her SAYYYYD? Where all my know-it-alls at?)

On our way home from Kohl’s, I put on “Play Me” by Taemin and that is when it hit me: Taemin is my NO ORDINARY LOVE YOU GUYS.

No but really, the way Taemin’s music makes me feel is the same way Sade’s music made me feel back then (and still to this day): like I’m flushed from making eye contact with a crush.

His voice is so warm, with a tinge of huskiness, and it makes me FEEL SOME THINGS.

All of this is to say that we are one week away from his comeback and I can barely stand it.

It feels so good to be excited about something and it is getting me through the long, dark work days, that is for-fucking-sure.

The other day, a teaser was released and I am convinced that Lee Taemin is out to murder us. I can’t even imagine what he has in store for us, but if this teaser is any indication, it is one smoking hot horror flick and I am all about it.

I hear all these male singers on Top 40 radio stations and they got nothin’ on Taemin. Regardless of language, Taemin is an artist that should be in everyone’s playlist.

Now accepting applications for an eulogy writer if he announces a North American tour this year.

By now you know that we only went to Toronto because of the Winner concert, maybe because you know me IRL and have heard me freaking out about it for a month, or maybe because I referenced it in nearly every blog post since buying tickets, so it is now that time in my nauseating travel recaps where I discuss said concert.

IT WAS AWESOME.

Winner is a group on YG Entertainment, which is also BIGBANG’s agency. When I first saw a Winner video a few years ago, I couldn’t help but have a knee-jerk “OK there little BIGBANG” reaction. And maybe that’s originally what YG wanted, but let me tell you, these groups are nothing alike.

They’re made up of four talented visual princes: Yoon, Hoony, Jinu (my bias!), and Mino (arguably the best Korean rapper). Most of their songs have a very distinct Winner-sound to them – tropical, upbeat, catchier than a stomach bug in a small office.

It was their track “Really, Really” that initially hooked me, though “Sentimental” was the first Winner song I ever heard and I admittedly did not care for it (so of course that’s Henry’s favorite!).

From there, I just kept liking them more and more with every comeback, and their last one in December (for “Millions”) was enough for me to make a very impulsive splurge on tickets to their Toronto concert on a night when I was feeling particularly sorry for myself because I was going through a TOOTH TRAGEDY.

Henry was not exactly thrilled with this turn of events because all the details always fall on his shoulders (things like booking hotels, figuring out transportation, wondering CAN WE AFFORD IT), but he didn’t say NO, either.

My favorite part was when I thought I used Paypal credit to buy the tickets but then the next morning, Henry texted me and was like “HI YOUR PRECIOUS TICKETS CAME OUT OF THE CHECKING ACCOUNT HOPE YOU LIKE DISCOUNT BAKED BEANS BECAUSE THATS WHAT WE’RE LIVING OFF OF UNTIL NEXT PAYDAY.”

Lol.

Being Kpop trash is expensive, you guys.

Finally, the night of the concert was here and it felt like an Olympic ping pong match was being held within my stomach walls. I get so nervous before concerts! Especially when I haven’t been to the venue before, and it was my first time at the Sony Performing Arts Center.

Papa H dropped us off across the street from it, moments after the doors opened, so we slid easily right into the steady-moving line. Winner street team members gave us banners to hold up during the encore, and blue finger lights which was really nice because we didn’t have the official Winner light stick.

(KPOP LESSON TIME: most Kpop groups have their own official light stick that fans hold up at their concerts, and those motherfuckers are 비싼 / expensive. I only have ones for BIGBANG and BTS and those each set me back around $50. I better get a chance to use that BIGBANG one someday. Sigh.)

Henry Warbucks gave me a whopping $80 CAD stipend (originally it was only $60 but I kept my hand out) but it turned out that was $80 too much because the dumb girls in front of me (who would end up sitting behind us and were so fucking annoying but luckily I blocked them out once the show started) ended up buying the last t-shirt.

And I don’t wear hats so merch Option B was not for me.

Oh well, saving money is never a bad thing, I guess. Le sigh.

(But seriously, this shit only happens to me at Kpop concerts.)

My Korean is very shaky, but I think this says “everyday together with Winner”? Something loosely along those lines, anyway. There was no translation on the back, but the Winner fan group did include instructions in English, thankfully! But I’m sure we could have figured out when to hold it up based on simple context clues.

The venue was a theater, which meant that we had seats so we didn’t have to line up hours early in the single-digit temps to claim a good spot. I splurged (since I thought I was using Paypal credit, lol) and got us seats on the floor instead of the balcony which is usually where us kpop pigeons end up sitting because we don’t have rich parents buying our tickets, sigh. I was happy with the set-up because the floor was sloped, so we didn’t have to worry about having our view obstructed! Especially because everyone stood once the show started, so that made it even better to see, and since we all had seats, it didn’t feel like we were jammed up against everyone else.

It was one of the most comfortable shows I’ve ever been to, DARE I SAY.

They came out strong with “Really Really” and my throat was immediately like, “OK, I see how tonight is going to be, so please promise you’ll give me some hot tea and lozenges tomorrow.”

My throat was RIPPED OPEN before the show ended, I could not STAND how majestic these four guys were on that stage.

IT WAS LIKE A PARTY.

View this post on Instagram

They played all my favorites (“Hello,” “Love Me Love Me,” “Really, Really,” “Everyday,” “Movie Star,” “MILLIONS”) except for one (“Fool”). And their solos were fantastic – Yoon came out for his solo in this sparkling silver blazer and the bombastic voice of an old soul (he also sang part of a One Direction song but Chooch and I don’t know any One Direction songs so were just screaming along  through sheer crowd contagion); Mino a/k/a the Bias Wrecker gave me absolute chills with his performance of “Trigger” and then he proceeded to just smash “Fiance” to pieces, it was so great! Jinu, precious angle Jinu, covered G-Dragon’s “Untitled” and I was fucking sweating my face off, it wasn’t  tears at all, it was all sweat because I’m a chronic sweater, I don’t cry at concerts. And then Hoony covered Taeyang’s classic “Ringa Linga” like a goddamn beast and whatever was left of my throat was being fed through the cheese grater-entrance to the Scream Factory.

View this post on Instagram

“Millions,” though.

What I really liked about this concert was that there wasn’t a ton of filler. There was a short introduction, a VCR which was hilarious and showed them as kids talking about what they would do if they found treasure and then flash-forwarding to them as adults with whatever they bought with their treasure (Jinu bought a closet full of identical gray hoodies and this was clearly my favorite part of the skit), they each did their solos, and then there was a brief segment where Yoon had Hoony and Mino pick someone from the crowd to be interviewed. My favorite was when Mino picked a guy named Kyle who is from China but studying in Canada. This guy was a huge Mino fanboy and it was adorable. When Yoon asked him what his favorite Mino tracks are, he started rambling off song titles and then said his favorite was actually the Money Flow stage Mino did on Show Me the Money (a rapper survival-style show in Korea; Mino won the season he was on). Yoon and Kyle tried to get Mino to sing it, but Mino just looked kind of shell-shocked and whispered, “….I forget.”

It was so cute!

And I have to say, Mino has big stage presence. It was hard to stay true to my main Winner bias, or even Taemin and G-Dragon at that point, if we’re speaking casually here. I couldn’t help but feel very lucky to be in the same room as him, haha.

He has that Johnny-Depp-in-a-Tim-Burton-movie feel. You know what I’m saying, don’t pretend you don’t like Chooch just did.

After the fake-last song, everyone started chanted “encore” but it kind of sounded like “acorn” so I’m not sure if this was a Korean or Canadian accent phenomenon or what, but we loved it. Then of course Winner came back out while “Movie Star” played with outtakes of their VCR showing on the screen above the stage, and we all held up our banners and screamed like crazy people. It was so beautiful, and every time the cameras got close to their faces, you could see the tears in their eyes. This was their first North American tour, without ever having performed at any of the KCONs, and they just kept saying how shocked and honored they were that so many people came out to see them. Ugh, it was so beautiful to be a part of that.

Chooch and I unanimously agreed that, even though this was missing all the pomp and circumstance, we liked this show a lot better than BTS. It just felt more real and less staged, and since it was smaller-scaled, Winner seemed to have more of a connection to the crowd. It was heart-warming and I hope I get a chance to see them again!

Also, it was refreshing to see that the crowd was a healthy mix of genders! Lots of Inner Circle bros up in there.

Chooch and I were riding on a music-induced high afterward and were so giddy by the time our Henry-driven pumpkin returned us to the hotel. Big Spender Hank gave Chooch money for the vending machine but Chooch made me go with him because it was in a corner next to cleaning supplies under the steps and was just a super-rapey area even though the hotel wasn’t terrible and the area we were in seemed nice, that vending nook was like a sex offender’s clubhouse. THEN WE SAW CONDOMS IN ONE OF THE VENDING MACHINE AND RAN SCREAMING BACK TO THE ROOM.

Henry was not pleased.

Wow, it was a really good night, diary. I don’t regret at all that I basically overdrew our checking account by purchasing Winner tickets on a whim. I WOULD DO IT AGAIN IF I HAD TO.

We got lucky and had a really clear, snowless drive into Canada on Saturday, but it snowed a bit overnight which made our Sunday about 10 degrees colder than the dumb weather app on my phone said and the snow-piled sidewalks provided a great calf workout.

It’s actually a miracle that we all remembered to leave Pittsburgh with snow boots. Mine are a size too big because I bought them online and made poor choices so I felt like Frankenstein’s monster but at least my feet were dry and mostly-dry. It also made me feel invincible to winter threats so I kept purposely walking in the deeper-snowed areas.

Henry wanted to drive into Toronto this time instead of taking the train so we did that and it was scary because the roads were still not-great from fresh snow and we even saw a car spin-out on the ramp by our hotel, but OK Henry, willingly put our lives into the hands of the ice gods, that’s fine.

Spoiler- we ended up being fine but it was still dumb. We parked and then took the subway everywhere which was fun and isn’t it funny how I hate our public transportation back home but get so excited to use it in other cities? OH THATS BC BIG CITIES HAVE GOOD TRANSPORTATION SYSTEMS.

Anyway, here are some pictures from our blustery adventures in the Maple Kingdom.

We started the day in Korea Town, wow so much shocks and surprisals. (YES SURPRISALS THAT IS WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID IF I WAS WRITING THIS FOR A CAT AUDIENCE OK.) As previously mentioned, we went to Rustle & Still cafe and then I went back to the Kpop shop and snagged a Taemin album and this time the person working was the cutest Korean boy and I felt like there was some level of imprinting happening which Henry ruined by saying that he was certain that guy was only 18.

Meanwhile, Chooch rummaged through troughs of stickers looking for Taemin ones to mock me with and then cried after we left because he allegedly wanted a turnip one (????) and we were like YOU DONT LIKE TURNIPS THO???

Mural posing. This was Dirty Birds Chicken & Waffles. We didn’t eat there. We just used them for their wall aesthetics, boy.

Also, look how cute that milkshake straw is!

I….really don’t know how to pose for photos. I have been doing this same pose since like, 10th grade I think. I mean, when I’m actually allowing someone to take my picture, that is.

We strolled around downtown for a bit and by that I mean we were shaking in our boots and trying to defrost the tips of our noses by blowing hot air into our cupped hands. It was frigid that day, and would serve as a prelude to the stupid-cold weather we were about to get slammed with back home.

I feel like the coldness really comes through in this shot. Also, this was moments after Chooch tried to be cute by scaling a snowbank, lost his balance and slid the whole way down on his back. Henry was DONE after that.

CN Tower, which Henry deemed “TOO EXPENSIVE.”

Toronto’s murals are on point. This was part of a long mural inside an underpass.

Their subway stations are great backdrops for photos as well. It’s an Instgrammer’s subterranean paradise.

When your coat matches the wall…

My coat matched too but that would have required Henry to take our picture while droves of people were filing by and that is a BIG NO.

Fighting over maps, Korea vibes. Also, LOL at Henry’s dorky Clearfruit jacket.

Henry was still looking at the map.

FROZEN WATER. There was one unfrozen path for the ferry. That was really exciting to us for some reason and by us I mean Chooch and me, Henry doesn’t get excited about anything other than the weekly circulars and, I don’t know, new hemorrhoid creams.

You guys. It was so cold that as I was talking, I could actually feel parts of my face tightening up. Now, I have never had Botox, but I think this is how it feels after?! I couldn’t get my lips to move all the way when I was trying to talk, like I was working against gravity. It was really scary.

There was some random gigantic camo picnic table in this park because ART. There was a #bigpicnic hashtag on it but when I used that on Instragram, it pulled up a ton of irrelevant things and like, one other picture of this table.

Here, the extraordinary method actors E.Rachelle & Chooch Robbins audition for the “Happily Arrested” roles in the off-off-off-off-underneath broadway play Picnic Outlaws.

Thank god Toronto has so many different indoor passages to get from one place to the next. We were able to walk a good distance back to the parking lot completely indoors BLESSED BE. I kept hoping we would see Winner walking around in a tunnel somewhere with the rest of the Toronto mole people, but they were probably somewhere warm and cozy with a fireplace and fancy food. It’s OK – they deserve it.

So, all in all, it was another cool time in Toronto but I really would like to go back sometime when we’re not there for a concert so we can focus solely on doing touristy things and, obviously, eating at more cool places. Um, preferably sometime in the summer or fall! AND MAYBE IT COULD COINCIDE WITH A VISIT TO CANADA’S WONDERLAND?! I mean, it’s right there. 

Coming soon, I’ll recap the Winner concert and close this Canada chapter. Sigh.

I was going through my pictures and realized I have way too many for one post so you know what that means — whoooooboy multi-posts!

Since we were in Toronto in the dead of winter with very little time, we didn’t do any touristy things and instead just focused on being gluttons. Toronto is a meatless Mecca so our options were overwhelming, and luckily our resident Meat Man Henry is perfectly content eating vegetarian/vegan so we went, um, hogwild.

Except for breakfast which was just a quick stop to Tim Horton’s because this was like A BIG DEAL for Chooch and you have to throw the kid a bone here and there so that when they grow up and pen an in depth exposé on their childhood, it won’t be all doom, gloom, & my parents locked me in a piss-puddled storage closet, you know?

So here is a little run-down of Sunday’s eats, treats, & drinks.

Our first stop after Tim Horton’s was a Vietnamese cafe in Korea Town called Rustle & Still. I was drawn to this place by a promise of pandan and purple sweet potato latte options. I had a sweet potato latte in Busan and have been dying to have another ever since, especially a purple one! I eat purple sweet potatoes nearly every day at home. My diet is very niche.

My first impression of this place was that it’s very vegetation-friendly. I love plant-filled cafes!

My second impression was that it was not one of those snobby places that brings out a first-timer’s inner-n00b. The barista (possibly the owner? He had that owner-aura to him) had a friendly face and didn’t make me feel rushed.

Chooch and I had a game-plan that morning in the hotel, which consisted of me ordering the sweet potato and him going for the matcha pandan so that we could share, but once we were at the counter, he acted like this was BREAKING NEWS and got all weird and surly about it. He ordered it anyway, but then tacked on, “Because I guess that’s what I HAVE to order” and I was like “WTF is your damage, child!?” because he pulls this shit all  the time and it’s bewildering to me. He has this knack for acting like I have all of these one-sided conversations when he, at one time, is a willing participant!

PARENTS, DO YOUR CHILDREN THROW YOU UNDER THE BUS LIKE THIS!?

Anyway, he also ordered a black sesame coconut cookie so that pacified him a little.

My lattes! Yes, I inherited Chooch’s matcha pandan latte because suddenly, he no longer likes matcha and apparently “never said that [he] did” so I guess that’s another dream-convo I had — am I even really here? Or am I living in the dementia ward at some Ukranian clinic? What is even real anymore!?

Mr. I Never Said I Liked Matcha

Mr. Everyone Knows I Don’t Like Matcha But I Will Drink Half of This Latte Because I Paid Like $10 For It

Oh you guys, I was so mad. BUT! The silver lining is that both lattes were just my style and I didn’ regret for a single minute the bloated belly (Chooch hates that word, so now I use it often) I received after drinking nearly 2 thick lattes in one sitting.

Afterward, we went into the city center and hit up Milk Bar at Momofuku. It was actually just a little self-serve area so we just grabbed some cookies and a to-go slice of crack pie and went about our way and by that I mean, Chooch and I fought with Henry as soon as we got outside because we act like we’re starving children just let out of a crate and we didn’t trust him not to eat everything so he threw the bag at us and stalked off toward the subway. Haha, what a bitch baby.

The next part of our food journey took us back to Korea Town that afternoon but not for Korean food, like you’d expect! Instead, we went to Apiecalypse Now, which is another vegan place that Chooch had his stomach set on. Henry and I were actually going to eat here the last time we were in Toronto, but the sweet fucking siren call of Korean food lured us a different direction.

We got here around 30 minutes after they opened so we were able to walk right up to the counter and order (I mean, after hemming and hawwing – there were so many choices!). We all opted for slices of the Pig Destroyer Destroyer which wins for best pizza and also best name because come on now. Henry also got a slice of the BBQ Buffalover which I think I would have loved had I not already tried the Pig Destroyer Destroyer, because anything after that one pales in comparison. It is the ultimate, meaty meatless pizza! I fucking inhaled my slice and the best part was that it didn’t make me sick to my stomach afterward like a regular slice of cheese pizza would. (Which sucks because I love pizza but it almost always makes me sick now.)

As you can clearly tell from the name of our pizza slices alone, this place has major punk aesthetic so I didn’t get that shitty “more vegan than you” vibe from it at all.

Chooch looks solemn in this picture but it was actually just because I had the nerve to take his picture while he was fumbling toward pizza ecstasy.

And here’s Henry (im)patiently waiting for me to TAKE THE FUCKING PICTURE so that he can finally have his carnivore card revoked. J/K. He liked his pizzas too but not nearly as much as he would had there been real fatty meat on each slice.

But I’ll tell you, I’m still talking about that damn pizza almost as much as the Winner concert, which is the actual reason we were in Toronto!

Family Portrait 2019

After a bunch of walking through the one-digit Toronto temps (actually I think it was like 10 degrees that day but, windchill) we headed back to the hotel and  then ate dinner at a Viet-vegan joint called Dai Bi Chay. This was actually Henry’s choice! I was willing to eat at a regular restaurant, figuring that Henry would have been withering away by this point, but he was like, “Let’s eat more soy! Woo! Soy baby!”

Pages upon pages of glorious meat-free options, I could barely stand it. We had such a good  meal there, even though someone behind Henry was eating like a very hungry man without his dentures in and you know it’s bad when HENRY, the White Noise of Annoying Sounds People Make, gets all up-in-arms and hoarsely whispers to me, “What is that behind me!?” And then it magically became less annoying for me, knowing that it was bothering Henry!

I don’t even remember what I had but the broth was piping hot and winter-perfect and the BBQ mock-meat lounging on top of the noodles was just a motherfucking delight. Henry also had some kind of noodle soup dish and this was the meal that he’s still talking about from the weekend. He loved it there!

Chooch had fried rice or something because he doesn’t believe in food adventures, but he had no problem eating more than his share of the appetizers we ordered!

Meanwhile, Chooch and I were so giddy. We have this running joke that whenever Henry is “going to the store” or “to the laundromat,” he is actually going downtown to this strip club called Blush and that his favorite stripper there is some broad named “Cheetah Girl” — Chooch created her but we talk about her all the time like she’s a real person in Henry’s life and he gets really mad about it. So for some reason, Chooch started googling strippers while we were eating and he was like, “HAHAHAHAHA HERE’S CHEETAH GIRL” but then I was like, “No, wrong one” so I googled, “Old ass washed-up strippers” and presented a picture of someone’s grandma sprawled out on a bed in black leather lingerie and at this point Chooch started choking and the waitress kept asking him if he was OK and Henry was signing off on the official Disowning Paperwork.

OMG my stomach hurts right now just thinking about how uproariously we were laughing over this while Henry had virtual steam billowing out of his ears and Chooch and I actually ran to the car ahead of him when we left because we were afraid he was going to beat us with his boot, lol.

(Disclaimer: Henry has never beaten us with his boot but there’s always a first time for everything!)

Henry will never stop eating meat but it’s really cool that he is willing (and without being a jerk) to eat vegetarian/vegan food every now and then. I mean, let’s be real, most times, Chooch and I have to scramble to find something to eat at regular restaurants or we have to settle for the generic Gardenburger of the 1990s. It’s nice to actually experience the other end of ordering anxiety – when there’s so much to choose and everything sounds delicious!

So hats off to Halftime-Herbivore Hank for indulging our plant-based needs.

Well, that concludes my Sunday food round-up. We didn’t purposely go to Toronto with a Go Veg or GTFO mindset, but it just happened that way!

We got a pretty late start to our drive to Toronto on Saturday which I wasn’t pleased about but Henry wanted to rent a car so that automatically meant we couldn’t leave until after 9 ugh Henry ruins everything however the car we rented had heated seats which was fantastic to have while traveling to freaking Canada in January.

So I’ll give him a pass this time.

The drive to the border was pretty uneventful but we did stop at that one travel plaza that requires one to cross over the highway via a skybridge so that was fun. This was also Chooch’s first time traveling along this route but he was buried in his phone the whole time and it’s doubtful he noticed anything except for when he expressed excitement upon spotting the General Mills building while passing through Buffalo. This was inexplicably a big deal to him?

One notable thing was that this was the first time entering Canada with Henry where he didn’t get us pulled off for further questioning because of his suspicious, nervous stutter. We just breezed right through after he said, “concert. Winner” to the border guy’s question of “why are you here.” Good job, Henry.

I don’t know why I was in such a hurry to get there. We didn’t have any standing plans for Saturday other than EAT AT DOOMIES, which is a vegan “fast food” establishment that Chooch and I had been drooling over at the mere thought.

We stayed a bit outside of Toronto this time, checked in around 4 and then took the train downtown. Chooch and I were really excited because while we were waiting for the train, Henry realized he left his phone charger in the car and actually ran to get it which was hilarious because he was wearing this big burly gray fleece-lined hoodie over his jacket, plus a beanie, so I started humming the Rocky theme and then Chooch was nearly peeing his pants. Oh you guys, the sight of Henry actually running, like legit hauling ass, totally gave us the jollies.

Two fucking hyenas.

Here we have Henry, deep inside his favorite zone. What you can’t see is Chooch sitting across from him, drawing a weener on a picture of Henry and me spectating this and cackling like a middle schooler. Henry tried to hurt our feelings by saying he’d rather hang out with his 1.5 year old grandson Calvin, who is, and I quote, “quieter and less needy” than Chooch and me.

WOW.

Once in Toronto, we left Union Station (after Henry bought two family day passes for their public transportation system and proceeded to look like a walking fanny pack, that’s how much of a yodel-dodely tourist he came off as. Chooch and I were caught up in Korea flashbacks for real) and walked around for a bit, passing the Fairmont Hotel, where we were fairly certain Winner was staying but Henry drew the line at going inside and loafing creepily in the lobby all evening.

So we got on a streetcar to Parkdale, a/k/a Vegandale where Doomies is located! It’s actually inside the Vegandale Brewery now so that was kind of a bummer because all the videos I had watched on Toronto vegan spots featured the old location of Doomies which seemed to have way more of a “dive” feel to it and that’s what I like. I’m not wild about breweries.

Immediately, we were put off by the host and hostess, who were like the King and Queen of the Glacier Prom. I was not impressed with their hipster ambivalence but I’m glad we gave it a chance because our waitress was wonderful – friendly, helpful, and just genuinely nice – and the FOOD WAS FUCKING STELLAR.

I wanted us all to get something different so we could taste-trade, and Chooch had already called dibs on the vegan Big Mac (not on the menu, but it exists and it is the Holy Grail of meatless burgers, let me tell you), so I opted for the Chik-Bac-Ranch sandwich because anytime a faux-chix sandwich is on the menu, I’m down for that chick-biz.

But then stupid-ass carnivore Henry got the chicken and waffles and Chooch and I were like, “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT” because I already got chicken and we wanted him to get a different thing! He is so dumb! Ugh.

I tried some of this and it was legit fam. It’s amazing that I was able to get a taste though because Chooch devoured that sumbitch like he was on a day pass from the orphanage.

It was nuts.

Oh man, if I had the time to write a chapbook in honor of this bitchin’ chicken…

This Doomie fake-fowl has my heart. Fuck all the rest.

Bellies full of no-meat and totally content.

It was so cold that weekend in Toronto, but we still strolled around as much as we could handle it.

Chooch was mad because he took a picture of this wall-saying first and then I copied him.

We hopped on another streetcar eventually, and then took the subway to KOREATOWN. On the subway, some younger girl next to me nudged me, literally elbowed me like we were bros, and said, “I love your jacket.” I happily said thanks and Chooch was so pissed. “Even in CANADA?!” he cried later, and Henry, who had been sitting across from us, said he was watching the girl right before she went in with the elbow and said he could tell that she was considering doing it.

OF COURSE HE WAS WATCHING HER. He’s the Perv of Public Transit!

Anyway, I think I might start an Instagram for my coat so it can cyberbully him.

That’s what any good mom would do, I think.

Yeah boiiiii. I talk to this Korean guy Kyoung on Kakao (three cheers for natural alliteration) and he was like SEND ME PICTURES and was so excited to see a Canadian Korea Town so that was pretty cool. We stopped at this little place we went to last time that sells homemade walnut cakes (hodo kwaja) because they also have patbingsu and I was IN THE MOODSU.

  Chooch got hotteok and was so content.

(Hotteok is a delicious sweet Korean pancake full with piping hot, gooey brown sugar and cinnamon, it’s like something that was created specifically for Jesus to have at his birthday parties, that’s how religiously delicious it is and I cannot wait to get my ass back to Korea and buy one every day from street vendors.)

It was just us and a bunch of Koreans so I was content, too, haha. I didn’t care that it was like 5 degrees outside, that patbingsu was everything I needed right then.

(Even though it wasn’t the fancy kind that I wanted at some place that Henry deemed TOO FAR TO GET TO EASILY.)

This place makes their own pat (sweet red bean) so that was a real bonus, and one of the girls working there even came over and asked us if we wanted more of it. I did NOT hesitate. Pat is my fucking jam, man.

(Actually, it would probably make good jam now that I think of it.)

Then we walked around Korea Town for an eternity and I pouted in a Kpop store because I couldn’t decide what Taemin album I wanted to buy so instead I BOUGHT NONE OF THEM and acted like a brat and then the cafe I wanted to go to was CLOSED and I suddenly had to PEE and it was getting colder and colder by the minute, so we decided to head back to Union Station around 8.

Fucking cold, man.

We walked around Union Station for a bit before getting on the platform to catch the train back. I was happy that they had clean restrooms there.

I insisted that we walk around the block one more time just in case Winner was meandering about, like they would actually be outside in that cold weather and not in some warm and cozy high class steak house or something. Le sigh. I kept seeing people on Instagram posting pictures of their run-ins with various Winner members in Seattle and Houston AND I REALLY THOUGHT IT COULD HAPPEN TO ME TOO, OK?! I did think that I saw Mino near their alleged hotel but it ended up being an Indian in a turban, which really could be something that Mino might be wearing.

HE IS VERY FASHION-FORWARD.

When Chooch realized I took that first picture, he posed for the one above. He’s a camera whore, you guys, and I have no idea who created that monster.

GOODBYE TRAIN.

We got back to the hotel around 10 and promptly crashed. Walking in the cold is tiring.

This post was so exciting. We had a lot of fun but it was mostly because Chooch and I were making fun of Henry the whole time, and that doesn’t translate well on here.

Stay tuned for more walking-in-the-cold that took place the next day!

9:19am: Wow, wowee wow wow, I know the many readers I have were like WHERE IS DAT LIVEBLOG THO. We left the hotel around 7 but I had to wait until my phone switched back to US stuffs, you know how that goes.

WHAT YOU MISSED: me droning on ad nauseum about last night’s Winner concert and then stupidly asking “WHERE IS THE MOVING WELL??” when I saw a digital sign over the highway that said “QEW Moving Well” (my reading comprehension is impaired in the AM), and Henry dropping us off in the freezing cold to see Niagara Falls because he refused to pay $15 to park.

So that was anticlimactic because let’s be real, I care more about all that crap on Clifton Hill and the last two times we were in Niagara we didn’t have time for tourist traps. Frown face all the way home.

We just left Duty Free so Henry could exchange back the leftover money since I spent zero dollars last night at the Winner show because the only shirt sizes they had left by the time I got to the front of the merch counter was Large and I’m not the type of broad who looks cute in oversized shirts so I passed – they were $65CAD! Anyway, at Duty Free I got maple and ice wine candy for work even though I hate it there lately.

While we in Duty Free, the James Ingram and Michael McDonald’s classic “Yah Mo B There” came on I was living in the moment. Or the past. Goddamn I love that song.

I still don’t know who Yah Mo is though.

10:16am: BREAKING NEWS! Last night after the Winner show, I hopped on IG and saw that SM officially confirmed that Taemin will be making his solo comeback in February! Then just now I saw that the official date is February 11th! THAT IS LESS THAN A MONTH! (I can do maths!) My stomach is doing somersaults over here on the highway outside of Buffalo!

TAEMIN BE MY VALENTINEEEEEEEE.

10:30am: Taemin excitement aside, I am still riding high on this Yah Mo B There revival so I’m blasting it in the car and Chooch has question marks undulating above his head. I tried to explain it to him by saying it was only one of the greatest songs of the 80s while Henry was subtly shaking his head no. Then I regaled them with the story of how when I dated this guy Jeff in 1998, he told me his stepdad looked just like Michael McDonald. “And then I got to meet him and HE REALLY DID!” I screamed to my conversation hostages and they were just like “Cool story.”

The song just ended and I snapped around to ask Backseat Chooch if he thought he was awesome and he just shook his head no, eyes all wide like he had just watched a snuff film.

That’s ok because now we’re listening to I DONT HAVE THE HEART by James Ingram and I am like FUCKING CRYING and exaggeratedly lip syncing and Chooch just wailed, “This music is so boring!” and dramatically passed out across the backseat.

THIS IS THE BEST OF LITE FM, YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

Now I’m on a songs of Days of Our Lives kicks and as “Tonight I Celebrate…” was playing, I asked, “Was this Hope & Bo’s song?”

“I don’t know!” Henry laughed in exasperation.

“Oh my god,” Chooch murmured from the backseat, looking for ways to end it all with his seatbelt.

Now I’m on a Santa Barbara kick and going on about Eden and Cruz while “If Ever I’m In Your Arms Again” butted up against my shrill voice and Chooch finally cried uncle and screamed I WOULD RATHER LISTEN TO TAEMIN which is something he has NEVER said before so now we’re all happily listening to Taemin’s “Play Me.”

Speaking of Taemin, I bought the second version of Press It at one of the Kpop shops in Korea Town yesterday and the guy working there was like my ideal type (Henry said he was 18 and that is NOT TRUE he was probably like 20) and he asked, “Are there any groups you’re looking for miss?” MISS!!!!!! NOT MAAM!!!!

When I said, “Just Taemin,” as I held up one of the albums, he gave me a knowing nod and chuckled. Henry was like, “Kill me.”

One of my co-workers was saying something about how she never buys CDs anymore and to be honest, when I was still into my old types of music, I had stopped buying CDs too (I’d just buy vinyl of bands I really liked) but Kpop is different because it’s not the CD you’re buying, it’s like an entire package of art. So no, I’ll probably never pop that CD in the car player (I think that’s the only CD player we even have!) but I will put it on the shelf with my other Kpop albums and cherish it forever.

This picture, tho.

11:45am: Traditional Sheetz roadtrip lunch break. We are in too much of a hurry to get back home (I forgot to put our shop on vacation mode and sales exploded) so we opted for a quick Sheetz MTO over a sit-down meal and I didn’t complain because their veggie wraps with lite Boom Boom sauce are my ultimate on-the-road go-to omg. Also, Chooch screamed that Henry shit his pants in the bathroom and everyone turned to look at us so that was cool.

12:33pm: Currently discussing how we always forget how close Toronto actually is to Pittsburgh. “Yeah, it takes longer to get Philadelphia, it seems,” Henry said and this caused me to go off.

“I hate how long it takes to get to Philly! You’re in the same state, it shouldn’t take that long to get to you!” I spat. And then, in a calmer tone, “Those are just my thoughts on that issue.” And then, “SO DOES THAT MEAN WE CAN GO TO CANADA’S WONDERLAND SOMETIME??”

“I never said we couldn’t?” Henry said so I’m adding that to my 2019 amusement park list and crossing my dumb, tattooed fingers.

12:39pm: At Sheetz #2 so Papa H can get gas and I thought the Now Hiring sign said Now Killing and Henry did the smirk he does when I reveal daily how terrible my eyesight is.

Yesterday I saw a sign that I thought said Hair Lesbians but it was Hair Aesthetics. *shrug*

1:33pm: Henry and I just finished an impromptu business meeting. It was so riveting that Chooch put his headphones on. But anyway, we’re in Pittsburgh!! Driving past downtown right now so we should be home in 10 minutes, and this might actually be the earliest we’ve ever returned home from a road trip, I’m impressed with our hustle. Now I get to spend the rest of the day packaging Valentines with a healthy number of Winner dance breaks.

So, until the next road trip (next month!), stay sober homies.

Getting ready to see Winner in a few hours and I feel sick! I almost always get sick with nerves before a show but once I get to the venue I’m good.

Anyway, we’re up in Toronto this weekend for the show and it’s like 17 degrees (Fahrenheit, I’m American) so that’s been a real treat. My face got so cold at one point today that I could barely get my mouth to move in order to talk and wondered if that’s what it felt like to get Botox, then I immediately became paranoid that I was going to lose the tip of my nose to frostbite.

We’ve gorged on some beautiful vegan food, taken a bunch of mural pictures, worn out our TPC weekend passes, and made fun of Henry a billion times. I’ll recap all that later in the week and will probably live-blog our drive home tomorrow, so now you know my semi-agenda I guess.

Hope you’re all nice and warm wherever you are! And see you soon, Winner!!

If I were to compose a Friday Five tracklist for today it would look like this:

1. TODAY IS TRASH
2. THIS WHOLE WEEK WAS BAD
3. LAST WEEK WAS BAD TOO
4. JANUARY HAS BEEN A DISASTER
5. UGLY CRYING (WITH WINE)

Honestly, all my stress lies in one area of my life but it’s starting to bleed into other areas resulting in a huge fight this morning between Chooch and me and I mean, I say we fight all the time when it’s really just mild bickering but this morning I was already on the edge and then he triggered me and I just went on a schizo tirade around the house and it was just terrible and I felt like the most disgusting human being on the planet, proceeded to cry on the trolley, cried in the bathroom at work immediately upon arrival (and got busted by one of the new people so that was cool) and then my day just kept getting dumber.

But we leave in the morning for a weekend in Toronto and I am really hoping all this stress just means I will enjoy and appreciate the time there even more?

SURE IT DOES.

Anyway, here are my real Friday fivers I guess.

1. Level “Fit Into Korean ‘One Size’” Unlocked!

Truth! When we were in Korea, I was desperate to buy something at Chuu, but their clothes are mostly Korean “free size” or “one size” and lemme tell you, that means “one size will LIKELY NOT fit all outside of Asia.” So I was too freaked out to even attempt to try anything on. But last weekend I was like “this is dumb” and just went and ordered this one Chuu sweater that I have been coveting. It came on Wednesday (yes, from KOREA! Super cheap shipping too) and you guys, it fucking fits.

I made Chooch take my picture (pre-fight) this morning and he was like “my life sucks.”

STRAWBERRY MILK! It matches my Passport cover which was the only thing I felt comfortable buying at Chuu last year lol I hate myself.

2. Henry Made Kimchi!

There’s really nothing else to say about that except that HENRY MADE KIMCHI! So good.

3. Things I think About During Jillian Michaels Workouts

Chooch and I have been going strong with Jillian Michaels Body Revolution since the beginning of the month. I still do my Kpop stuff but I needed something that Chooch would also do and turns out, he really likes Jillian lol. Anyway, the other night we were in the middle of one of the circuits and I was intently focused on one of the framed pictures of the Cure I have hanging above the TV, which is what I do when I need to zone out from the pain, and I suddenly had a vivid memory from the early 2000s when I worked at the shitty meat company. I was probably at the height of my Cure obsession when I worked at that shit hole, and I had pictures of Robert Smith tacked up all over my bulletin board. One of the meat-cutters, John, and I had this fun little routine where he would ask me every day, “Did Robbie call you yet?” because that’s how he always referred to Robert Smith, and I would sadly say no.

“That bastard,” he’d spit, and it was just one of those things that seems so small and insignificant but it would make me smile on the daily, and clearly it had enough impact that it has stuck with me for nearly 20 years now.

I was telling Chooch this tale while we were sweating and grunting through ‘good mornings’, and then without even realizing it, I added, “He killed himself about 12 years ago” and Chooch was like, “WHAT OMG WHY” and then I was getting all teary-eyed so we stopped talking about that.

Weird things you think of while exercising, amirite.

4. My House Should Have an Epilepsy Warning

There was one day last week when I worked from home, and apparently there was some situation where the light above Regina’s office was flickering super badly and it was driving people nuts. Regina had to move somewhere else for the day until the maintenance people came to fix it, but I heard it took HOURS and people were getting brainwashed and started floating toward the light like moths to a fluorescent flame.

“You would have been so annoyed!” Wendy told me when I came back to the office the next day. But then I paused and said, “Well wait, have you SEEN my house?!” It’s like a fucking 24:7 arcade with neon, flashing lights all up in your periphery no matter which way you look.

“Was it making a buzzing noise, too?” I asked, and Wendy said no.

Then I don’t think I would have been that annoyed! I only hate sounds.

Random picture of Drew where she doesn’t belong.

5. Don’t Worry – Chooch & I Are Friends Again

After our big fight this morning, he sent me a challenge request on Quiz Up and I was like, “OMG HE MADE CONTACT” because he had been ignoring my texts, so I texted him a bunch of apologetic word vomit which included, “YOU ARE NOT A DISAPPOINTMENT” and then he said “YOU’RE NOT A BAD MOM” and we both said we were sorry, etc etc and then when I came home from work, we fake-hugged and later when I mentioned that I was so relieved when he sent me that Quiz Up challenge, he said, “Oh that was an accident. It was supposed to be for Trevor, but your name was right next to his.”

UGH.

But whatever. We’re pals again and now he has a whole entire chapter for his future autobiography, so you’re welcome Chooch.

I’ll bookend this with a photo of one of my favorite fruits – cherimoya! The Asian market was rife with them over the weekend, so I got to have one for my morning snack today at work and that was….wait, let me think…yes, that was the only high point of my work day.

Saw this statement this morning on Twitter and I can’t say I’m surprised. I do not miss the days of being a Jonny Craig fan and getting let down when he’s performing at a concert in a drug-haze or drunken stupor, or when he gets kicked out of whatever current band he’s in (the Dance Gavin Dance removal was the one that hit me hardest), or when he’s being accused of domestic violence.

Just the other day I was thinking about how much I loved this guy, his golden voice, his inimitable stage swagger, to the point where I had a doll made in his likeness, made JC ornaments for work Xmas tree, and just all-around drove everyone in my life nuts with my ginger Jesus mania.

His music was such a big part of my life for many years, so even though I truly despise him as a human being, I really do hate watching his demise.

For as shitty as he has been the many times I’ve seen him in person, I sincerely hope the guy gets the help he needs and kicks this addiction. Fuck drugs, man. Sincerely fuck them.

Henry had to work because I guess Faygo doesn’t recognize the importance of Martin Luther King Jr., but Chooch and I had the day off. We had lunch plans with Janna but first Chooch got all involved in some pirated version of Heathers he found on YouTube and I was like “Oh ok so I’m watching Heathers with my kid” but then I quickly was like, “Wait should I be watching Heathers with my kid?” It’s funny how you don’t realize how inappropriate/crude/parentally alarming things are until you watch it with your pre-teen.

Chooch’s main takeaway was that Christian Slater isn’t all that great.

WELL OK BUT YOU WERE BORN IN 2006 SO…

Janna came and picked us up around 12:30 (she originally thought I wanted her to pick us up at 12:03 and thought I was being oddly specific when really she’s a number-dummy) and we headed off to Lawrenceville via some weird scenic route. Originally, our plan was to go to B52, which is a vegan place that Henry refuses to go to not because he’s some big burly bacon-eater, but because he just knows that the clientele within those walls is going to be pretentious AF.

And deep down, I know this too.

So we arrived around 1:00 and there was a 30 minute wait because every yuppie vegan in the area who had the day off had the same idea as us. We gave the hostess our name, figuring we were there so we might as well just deal with the wait.

Some weird bitch came in and started asking us all these questions about the wait and where to leave her name and there were two other people standing closer to her so I don’t understand why she couldn’t just ask them—oh yeah, because they looked like stuck-up douches and we looked like regular people without a list of French films about incest shoved up our asses.

Eventually, the hostess with the weird bob, 1980s Babysitters Club glasses and super red lipstick came over and said that some space opened up at the counter if we wanted to sit there instead of continuing to wait for a table, and we stupidly said yes, which was such a mistake because it was awkward at the counter and I couldn’t get comfortable long enough to even concentrate on the menu. I kept hoarsely whispering to Janna, “I hate this. I hate it here. I’m so uncomfortable. They don’t even have what I wanted* on the menu today. Let’s just leave OMG should we just leave Janna can we leave?” and Janna really picked up handsomely on my hints and said, “Yes, we can just leave” so we did and I was like DEUCES MALORIE (that’s what I imagine the hostess’s name was).

*(Vegan mousakka! Do you know how rare that is?! Real mousakka used to be one of my favorite foods after I had it in Greece when my aunt Sharon was like YOU WILL NOT LIKE THAT but bam bitch, I did.)

Anyway, we left and Janna was like, “Thank god, I hated sitting there too” and so many more people had lined up after us that we figured we had probably lost our spot for a table by then anyway, so fuck off B52. I don’t get why vegan eateries have to be soooooo uppity and uncomfortable. The only place I’ve been to that wasn’t like that, that didn’t make me feel like I needed to have pixie bangs or a neck tattoo or a Schwinn with a wicker basket as my primary means of transportation, is Zenith. Long live Zenith!!

We went down the street a bit and hit up our backup plan, Ki Ramen. I mean, after driving around for an eternity because Lawrenceville needs to trade in some hipsters for parking spaces, for real. It’s a huge reason why we don’t frequent that area more often.

Anyway, Ki Ramen was OK. It was weird because we walked in and stood there for a while before some waiter came over and asked, “You guys eatin’?”

Um, yes, that was the plan.

Apparently, we were in the wrong dining area? I was so confused! There were people eating in the room we were standing in, but the waiter took us down into a glorified garage (seriously, there were big wires coming out of the concrete walls) and at first I thought he was seating us AT ANOTHER COUNTER but at the last minute, he slid the menus down on the last empty table in that room. Thank god.

We started off with cauliflower wings – they were delicious!

Janna and I both got curry ramen. It wasn’t the best ramen I’ve ever had, that’s for sure. I mean, not to be a spoiled brat, but I’ve had ramen in actual Asia, so…

LOL, I cringed so hard when I typed that. Keeping it!

You think I’m bad, Chooch is like the biggest ramen snob ever and was definitely not impressed with his ramen.

But, the service was pretty quick which was nice because we were fucking starving.

Chooch-Eating-Ramen is my favorite Chooch, I think. He has such chopsticks-wielding pizzazz.

Chooch said this looked like our cat Penelope.

:(

When the waitress brought our checks, the one she gave me was waaaaay cheaper than what it should have been. It was like half of what ours should have really been and there was that split second when I wanted to be an asshole and not say anything but this blog ain’t called OH HONESTLY ERIN for nothin’, OK?! I am stupid-honest! So I waved the waitress over and told her she brought me the wrong check, thinking that at the very least, maybe it would bring me some good old-fashioned Karma, but so far all it brought me was two shitty days in a row at work and $40 out of my bank account.

I was bitching about this to Henry who said, “Yeah, but even if you had kept the wrong check, you paid by credit card so they would have just charged the difference to the account later when they realized what happened,” and oh I’m sorry, I forgot that Henry teaches a class on Restaurant Check Fraud at the community college.

See also: STFU Henry.

Apparently, this was Chooch’s “take it easy” pose.

The post-lunch plan was to go to a cafe and get caffeine and dessert. We decided on Black Forge because Janna had never been there and I don’t go there as much as I should, but first Janna had to get stuck in a one-way street cesspool downtown, causing Chooch and I to have a million laughing fits until she tried to back out of a parking lot into oncoming traffic and then we weren’t laughing anymore.

But, she did eventually get us to Allentown in one piece, and then tried to park in a lot designated for the police at the local police station, lol. Fucking popo and their own private, convenient parking lots. Pfft.

Allentown has murals, you guys. We live for murals.

I have one pose, and this is it.

At Black Forge, Janna and I attended Chooch’s lecture on gender equality, inspired by the fact that Black Forge’s bathrooms are designated for “Wizards” and “Witches” but both genders can be either of those things, and also included a reference to “old men holding their dingalings in the bathroom.”

It was a great learning experience. I felt so enlightened.

The last time I was at Black Forge, their punch cards featured Trump and various members of his shitty administration, but now that most of those people have been ousted, their current cards just feature a bunch of Trump’s degenerate visages. I really fucking hate that man so goddamn much, that Black Forge could sell gas station swill and I would still happily support them.

But as it turns out, their coffee and other beverages are fantastic and they sell pastries made at the nearby vegan restaurant Onion Maiden, which is actually another vegan place that doesn’t make me like an outcast. But it’s also very small inside and gets crowded fast so you have to be strategic when planning a meal there.

Totally worth it though and now I’m kicking myself for not just suggesting we have lunch there that day!

In case you were wondering, which you weren’t I know, I got the My Dying Chai which may have been the best chai latte I’ve ever had, Janna got something mocha-y, and Chooch had to be difficult and inquire if the hot chocolate came in different flavors because he is spoiled rotten by the baristas at Muddy Cup who will make any fucking kind of fancy-ass hot chocolate your imagination can concoct as long as they have the syrup there (and they have the most extensive syrup collection I’ve ever seen), so the barista at Black Forge was like, “………flavors?” and then realized what he was asking so she was like, “Yeah go for it, bro” and he went with strawberry because I think he felt panicked since he didn’t have a list to reference, but he said the final product was “really fucking good” and I was like, “I will take your word for it” because I don’t play that backwash game.

Wow, that was a good way to spend the day off. It was only like 10 degrees and the perfect day to stay inside, but I’m really glad we went out and braved the bitter winter.

***

Later that evening, I made fun of Henry which caused Chooch to laugh so hard that he vomited and then I made the mistake of looking at it, so I started dry-heaving really bad and then Henry was like CLEAN THAT UP to Chooch, so then Chooch was dry-heaving while he was mopping up his puke, and this made me dry-heave even HARDER to the point where I was for certain that I was going to throw up, so I had to push Henry out of the way and run to the bathroom, where I could still hear Chooch dry-heaving from downstairs so then we were like gang-gagging back and forth, this terrible volley of vomit-coughs, and my eyes were watering so bad and eventually I FELL TO MY KNEES and screamed, “STOP MAKING THAT NOISE, CHOOCH, PLEASE!!!” because his hoarking was contagious. This went on for a solid five-minutes, passing puke-scares back and forth and Henry calmly muttered, “You two are fucking idiots” while the cats were like, “DO YA’LL HAVE HAIRBALLS TOO?!”

My abs were actually sore the next day from my fake bulimia bout.

Anyway, that’s just a little glimpse of what it’s like to be in this hell house.

Ok it’s not woman crush Wednesday yet but today I want to get all girl-crazy over Chung Ha. Admittedly, I’m super flaky with girl crushes so my girl Kpop biases have changed numerous times over the years, from Taeyeon to Hyolyn to Sana to Sunmi and now to Chung Ha.

I just like her more and more with every comeback!

Her latest song, Gotta Go, has wrecked me. I get taken pretty easily with choreography and this song has some really interesting moves. When Chung Ha was in the group IOI, she was known as the dancing queen and it’s not really a surprise that she was able to take those skills and go solo. She can certainly hold her own by herself!

I’ve watched her perform this song on every music countdown show over the last few weeks and I am just obsessed.

Her style is just so cool like a 1980s woman in a power suit walking into the boardroom.

I DONT KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING BUT I REALLY AM ALL ABOUT CHUNG HA THESE DAYS.

Enjoy this MV and then if you’re really feeling inspired, do the Kpop workout for this song afterward! I AM GOING TO DO IT AS SOON AS I POST THIS!

Give Me Five Thailand is one of my favorite Kpop exercise channels, especially when I get Henry to do these with me because he hates it so much haha.

I know, it’s been nearly a week since I dropped a Valentine advertisement up in this bitch so you were probably feeling relieved but I am here to strip you of that relief because I have some Kpop valentine sets to pimp. So please indulge me for a few minutes while I gush and show off my new additions. I’m trying to be more pushy active with promoting my wares.

In addition to the two multi-fandom sets and the BTS set I made last year, I have a brand new set for 2019! 16 new designs! Woo!

• 4Minute
• Key (from SHINee)
• NCT127
• Winner
• Got7
• TOP (BIGBANG)
• Taemin (SHINee)
• Crush
• BIGBANG

• Ten (NCT)
• E’Dawn
• Dean
• Pentagon
• (G)Idle
• Momoland

These babes join the two original sets from 2018!

Set #2:

KPOP Mini Valentine Set #2 comes with 16 unique designs!

• 2NE1
• Jin (BTS)
• Bae Suzy
• BIGBANG
• Winner
• Taeyang
• Blackpink
• SNSD
• BTS
• Kard
• GOT7
• F(x)
• Mamamoo
• T-ARA
• U-Kiss
• Red Velvet

I really enjoy making cards because I get to let my cringe-iness run loose & piss on some fire hydrants and postal carriers, you know?

Each set of 16 comes packaged in a little Valentine bag.

*****************************

Set #1:

This set contains 16 different designs: Sistar, Wanna One, Hyuna, two different Taemins because I love me some Lee Taemin, G-Dragon, Wonder Girls, IU, BIGBANG, Vixx, Twice, Got7, Gfriend, BTS, Apink, and EXO.

Those VIXX and Twice cards have been redesigned, FYI!

One of my past customers told me she hid the serial killer version of these mini cards all around the house for her husband to randomly come across throughout the year and I thought that was such a fun idea!

Set # includes:

• BIGBANG
• G-Dragon <3
• Taemin x2
• Gfriend
• Hyuna
• Got7
• BTS
• EXO
• IU
• Wanna One
• VIXX
• Twice
• Wonder Girls
• Sistar
• Apink

ALL OF THESE FOR ONLY 8 BUCKS! (Plus shipping. I’d walk them to your house free of charge if I could.)

They come packaged in an adorable little V-Day treat bag:

I’m obsessed. As a Kpop fan, I would be so damn stoked if I came across these and would (and will) give them to all of my work friends who will 100% not understand.

(Chooch  gave these card sets his stamp of approval, btw.)

These also look great all smeared out across a G-Dragon table. I mean, if you’ve got it, flaunt it, amirite.

Any mini-card you see in this blog post can be made into a full-sized card (some are even listed that way already in my shop) so if there’s anything you see here that you want just one full-sized version of, just ask!

**************************

Hey, any ARMYs out there? Well, I got you covered with a full-BTS set, as well!

BTS set:

When I was designing the other Kpop mini Valentine sets, I kept thinking of all these different BTS ones I wanted to make, but the whole point of those sets was to have a variety of different Kpop groups representin’, you know? So then I thought, well, why not just make a series of all BTS designs?! You can never have too much BTS.

So I activated my Cringe Mode and got to work on 16 new designs! (Technically, 15 new designs – 1 of the 16 is available in one of the variety packs). Then I waited until my nail polish was sufficiently chipped before taking pictures of the result.

Chooch was so full of groans and disappointed head-shakes over the corniness of this particular set, which means I succeeded!

This J-Hope one, though.

Anyway, this set includes one design of each member alone (Jin and RM have two, though because I accidentally played favorites I guess), one of Cypher, and then a ton of the whole group.

I’m so excited about these collections! I love Valentines Day even though Henry is the worst when it comes at being romantic, and the thought of passing out little Valentines a la elementary school days is just so appealing to me! I might pass these out at work and force everyone to listen to a BTS song or 17.

(I’m hoping to make an entire BIGBANG set as well, because they are my ults.)

Interested? This set, the three other kpop variety sets, full-sized cards for all occasions, and Kpop Idol Pendants can all be purchased over at my Kpop card store on Etsy: Hello Hanguk!

Again, each set is $8 plus shipping (about $2.60 domestic, but I do ship worldwide). Daebak!

Thanks for your (Valen)time!

I’m admitting defeat. White flag is up and waving. I’m surrendering to my body. I will hereby try to get rest this weekend!

I mean, my version of rest basically means that I will take breaks from moving around like a lunatic…?

But wow, I really do feel like a fucking rag doll today. I’m certain that 80% of this is stress but I also think I have some mild virus that my body is kickboxing.

Today’s agenda consists of catching up on Divorce (I’m halfway through season 2 and now Henry suddenly decides he needs to watch it too which is the most annoying thing ever), making Valentines (it’s the busiest time of the year for us!), starting a new high school K-drama with Chooch (he walked in on me watching Revenge Note and became obsessed), watching Henry make kimchi, planning for our whirlwind trip to Toronto next weekend, and waiting out this snowstorm that we’re supposed to be getting.

Pretty chill, and just what I need after the hectic week that just passed!

One good thing about today is that Henry and I were coming back from a walk and just as I was getting ready to grumble about how gross all the dirty, melty snow looks, I realized that we are already halfway through January and that is my least favorite month ever so I felt really inspired and hopeful that I will make it through another winter without succumbing to the blues (grays?)!

Whooo boy I preach about being positive all the time but sometimes that it one fucking difficult thing to practice!

THIS JUST IN: I fake-fainted in front of Henry and he didn’t even flinch.

My favorite thing about Divorce is the awesome 70s soundtrack. Also, I love that Sarah Jessica Parker still has the voice of a teenage girl—her voice has always been my favorite thing about her. Also x2, if Henry and I ever get a fake-divorce from our never-happened-marriage, I hope he NEVER DATES AGAIN. I made him promise that today, and then I texted Chooch at the Teen Center and told him to make sure Henry doesn’t ever try to give him a new mom. Then Henry walked into the room wearing an ugly army-colored t-shirt with a bright blue thermal shirt under it and I realized I HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

On that note, here are some pictures from last week.

Henry made Kimbap and bean sprout soup for dinner last Sunday and I was there for it. He’s also making a batch of kimchi—he is my little ahjumma!

Against our better judgment, we bought Chooch a puzzle so now half of Henry’s work station has been usurped. I also bought this hot pink furry coat which Chooch was more than happy to model for the purposes of this picture.

Here I am, being multi-fandom AF in my BIGBANG scarf and Jonghyun pin. I love wearing my Kpop faves!

Well, back to my afternoon itinerary which involves roller coaster YouTube vlogs and harping on Henry to finish Kpop valentines. Stay warm, my muffins!