Isn’t it crazy when you can not see someone for years and years yet somehow fall right back into a comfortable groove when you do? That’s how it is with my friend Alisha, who I saw for the first time last summer since 2010, and again last Friday when she was in town visiting from Arkansas.

I was so glad that she carved out some time for me on this latest visit, especially when I texted her a picture of a Julian Baker concert flyer and her immediate response was, “YES LET’S GO TO THAT” and within minutes she bought tickets. I forgot what it felt like to have a friend who wants to go to shows!

But first, food. Alisha picked me up from work and we skipped all the frou-frou salutations and went right into our routine of her being annoyed and exasperated and me being totally giddy – ugh, I missed our dysfunctionally perfect yin and yang!

Alisha’s British-voiced GPS led us to Apteka, an Eastern Europe-Yinzer-Vegan joint across from the Allegheny Cemetery that my friend Sarah recommended to me over a year ago and I never made it there because kimchi or GTFO. However, Alisha is vegan so I thought this would be a grand time to check it out and I was happy that it wasn’t crowded yet and the staff wasn’t off-putting as they sometimes can be in a niche vegan eatery, leaving me feeling not inked-up enough and half-assed in my veg-ways. (Which brings us back to kimchi, which I know is made with anchovy paste but I still eat it because I never signed a contract, OK? Korea has changed me!)

Apteka is cafe-style which is kind of annoying when you walk into a place for the first time and they’re like BAM HERE IS THE MENU STAND HERE AT THE COUNTER AND I WILL STARE AT YOU WHILE YOU TRY TO FIGURE OUT OUR WEIRDO MENU GOOD LUCK WITH THE POLISH.

Alisha had a million questions and the Apteka girl very patiently answered her. She asked what the waitress recommended and she blew through the menu so fast I felt like I just been lead through a polka.

Alisha ordered the thing I was going to get so then I had to stand there and stammer, and of course I was unable to pronounce anything on the menu (is it nuts that I was trying to imagine what it would look like in Hangeul to help me sound it out?!) so I just pointed and said, “Lima bean.”

Because the thing I got had a lima bean purée and it was shockingly not phrased more dumb or pretentious than that because you know how nauseating menu descriptions can be in these types of places.  Let me see if I can find a menu…

Kluski Slaskie

baby lima bean + winter bitter leaves + potato dumplings + fried buckwheat + marjoram (GF)

I didn’t even notice that my meal had marjoram on it and I guess it doesn’t matter because I didn’t even notice it while I was eating it to even wonder what even is it. That was a weird sentence.

(GUYS, I LOOKED IT UP. IT’S MINT.)

Alisha also ordered a pot of some kind of tea for us to share. It tasted like ground. Maybe it would have been better with sugar but do vegans eat sugar? I didn’t see any.

Alisha also ordered the Kanapki which was three pieces of small toast, each with a different spread on it. One was for sure carrot and that was the only one I liked.

Guys, that’s my plate at the bottom there and it was so fucking good – those potato dumpling dickheads were so fucking divine and I wanted so much more, and the fried buckwheat was WHAT THE HELL WHY HASN’T HENRY BEEN CRACKLIN’ BUCKWHEAT FOR ME ALL THIS TIME levels of tasty. And that lima bean puree? I didn’t have time to grab my bathing suit before diving into that bitchin’ legume lagoon.

That’s Alisha’s crap at the top.

Boczniaki z kapusta

oyster mushroom + braised cabbage in beer broth + butternut miso + rye crumb

Somehow, my dinner was considered a “large plate” and hers was “small” and cheaper yet seemed so much bigger and she was still working on it a good twenty minutes after I had licked the last lima smear from my plate.

To cap off our meal, I ordered dessert for us to split, and again, I could have eaten 5 plates of these.

Bogate ciasto smietankowe

Rich cream cake + roast pear

My Apteka verdict is that the food was bomb and inventive, and even had a level of comfort to it that vegan joints sometimes lack. But, for the price I paid and the amount of food I ate, I was a little unsatisfied. I was ready for second dinner less than an hour later. Even still, I’ll probably go back again because I liked the atmosphere, the staff was great, and I want to try the other things on the menu — I’ll just be prepared to eat my arm later on.

Afterward, we went to the Carnegie Library lecture hall to see one of my favorite female vocalists, Julien Baker. Ugh, I have been dying to see her live for years now but something always comes up when she’s here. I thought I was going to end up going to see her alone because I don’t know anyone else who likes her and Henry was a hard nope, but it ended up coinciding perfectly with Alisha’s visit. She was my concert buddy when she lived in Pittsburgh back in the day and I was so excited to have another good music night with her!

Alisha was all frenzied because she wasn’t sure if we were allowed to park in the lot she chose, and then she was mad because we walked some totally long-ass way to get to the lecture hall when we could have taken a much shorter route, but I was selfishly happy about this because I needed the steps since it was week one of the Law Firm Walking Challenge (OH, I HAVE AN UPDATE ABOUT THIS TOO, CHECK BACK LATER) and I was kicking myself for planning an evening of DINNER and a SEATED CONCERT. Alisha was miserable because she had a bad cold and here I was, walking her around Oakland on a super chilly April night.

When we arrived, she was immediately annoyed because the young girls checking tickets at the door were all googly-eyed over my knack for accessorizing and then we stood in the bathroom waiting for the two occupied stalls to open up and then the bathroom door slowly started to open on its own and we were like WTF SCOOBY, GHOSTS!? but here it turned out Alisha had leaned on the handicap door opening button.

And then a few minutes later, we realized that only one of the stalls had been occupied that whole time, so that was cool.

“I should have known it was going to be a night full of stupid things,” Alisha sighed, insinuating that my presence draws this stuff out!?

Whatever!

Anyway, we found some good seats nice and close (BUT NOT TOO CLOSE) in the first row off the floor. Alisha was whining about why it hadn’t started yet and I was like, “Because it’s only 7. We have another hour.”

LOL Alisha thought it started at 7 that whole time and was so angry that now we had to sit in this growing-more-stifling-by-the-minute room. She amused herself by spying on a man who apparently looked at me twice after I said “bless you” to Alisha so she was convinced he was obsessed with me but clearly I think she was obsessed with him! He kept pretending like he was waiting for someone but then no one ever came…

Then people attempted to speak to Alisha and I thought she was going to will herself to incinerate into a pile of Arkansas ash.

“Why does this always happen? I was doing so good all these years and then I’m with you for like a minute…”

“And the awkward social situations come back?” I laughed, and she emphatically agreed.

It really was an interesting mesh of people there that night though. Lots of punk rock college lesbians, little girls, and old guys.

And us.

Tancred was the opener and I really don’t have much to say about them because I have tried so hard over the years to like them, especially when I got more into that Bledfest-type of scene, but I just can’t. The singer is fine but her voice doesn’t evoke a single emotion from me and the lyrics are kind of middle school diary.

But Julien though….

She performed mostly alone until closer to the end of her set, when her friend came out to accompany her on violin. I didn’t take any video and this picture is actually Alisha’s, because I kind of felt paralyzed with regurgitating grief and realized at one point that I was barely breathing.

Julien has this poignant and measured way of singing the most delicate, whispered notes and then, before you have time to prepare yourself, she is lurching her head back and full-blown power-vocals are roaring out of her small frame and sucking up all the oxygen in the room. She will leave you fucking breathless.

So, there’s this thing about me that you should know, and it’s that, as much as I love words, the lyrics of songs usually come secondary for me. It’s the music itself that heals me first and foremost, it’s what gets my heart started, the tears flowing. And then it’s the tone of the voice singing against that music. I have to laugh a little bit because when I was super into the post-hardcore and screamo scene, people would ask me how could I tell what they were saying? And I would say, “I can’t, and it doesn’t matter, because it’s still touching me.” And now, I get the same question because 99.9% of what I listen to is in Korean. And again, it’s the same thing. It doesn’t matter to me what they’re saying, because the music, and the sound of their voices singing in that perfect language, fills my heart with joy that I haven’t felt in such a long time.

But yet, Julien is the rare exception for me. Because I AM listening to her words. And they are slicing through my wrists like a rusty razor. To write the songs she writes…and to sing them with such brittle sincerity and honesty…you have to have a lot of pain in your life. I can’t imagine standing there on a stage in front of so many adoring fans, stripping down to your bare, aching soul, letting us all watch you relive whatever you were going through when these songs came to fruition. She gave us a gift that night, and I will forever cherish it!

This is one of my favorite songs. Careful, she might break your heart.

And then we thought we were going to have to live in the parking lot because one of the parking ticket machines wasn’t working right and traffic was all backed up and we blamed Henry for not driving us.

“You never asked?” he replied to my text. WELL, HE SHOULD HAVE JUST KNOWN TO DO IT!

And don’t you worry – I came home at 11pm and still managed to eke out 20,000 steps.

We’re on the train to Busan (insert obligatory zombie jokes here, lol) and I’m taking advantage of the free WiFi so here’s a quick update from yesterday! We spent the morning hiking up Namsan mountain to N. Seoul Tower, which Henry kept saying was going to BE SO CROWDED but then it wasn’t. I will do a proper post on this and also our lunchtime in Myeongdong, but right now I just want to quickly update about seeing the Jonghyun memorial at SMTown in Gangnam.

I was one of millions of people who were devastated when Jonghyun from SHINee took his life last December and it was important to me that I get to pay respect and add a note to the wall. Part of the process, as my friend Alyson Hell would say.

Here are some photos.

This was playing on the gigantic, seriously the largest I’ve ever seen on a building, screen outside of SMTown.

The Jonghyun shrine is on the top floor of SMTown, in a back corner room. The mood was understandably somber, and the people in there (maybe about 20 at the time of our visit) were very quiet and respectful.

I started crying immediately. I mean, do you know me? #emotionalhurricane

Chooch and I both wrote notes to add to the wall (his was so freaking sweet, I wanted to die) and then we slowly walked around looking at the fan art and other beautiful and thoughtful messages from around the world. It was really enough to take your breath away. You could just feel the love and pain radiating from those notes.

My heart ached so bad while we were there. But I feel grateful that I got to see it and just the simple act of standing in a room with other people who are still mourning and remembering was really special.

xo.

My highlight for today* is probably vastly different from Chooch’s (we went to the Raccoon Cafe and he got to molest a Corgi AND Shibu). But here it is, quickly while we’re resting up before venturing out for some late night patbingsoo!

*(I didn’t get a chance to do a quick post on Monday because we spent the whole day at Everland, Korea’s largest amusement park, and I for once didn’t wake up at a god awful AM hour. I have a ton to write about Everland, so that will happen at some point when I’m home!

)

Today, the plan was to hit up Namdaemun Market, which was awesome once Henry stopped being a jackass to us. After that, we went to Hongdae because there are a bunch of super-extra shops I wanted to check out (Ader Error takes the cake, only because the Hongdae Gentle Monster was under construction). We originally wanted to get patbingsoo at that time, but the place we were looking for either changed locations, closed, or only appeared to us in our dreams because we basically walked in circle for an hour. So the new plan was to eat at Aori Ramen, which is owned by BIGBANG’s Seungri. I originally wanted to eat at the Gangnam location, but I figured we all needed to eat before we murdered each other, and it was right in front of us.

There was only one couple there in line when we got there, but the place only seats like 32 people so we had to wait for about 20 minutes. The guy who was managing the place was so nice even though he was in there hustling. The line kept growing and growing, and he kept popping his head out to tell us “almost, almost.

”

After a few minutes, I started to wonder if he could possibly be Seungri’s dad. I mean, he looked just like him! But then the girl in line behind us started excitedly talking to her boyfriend in Korean and I heard the word “appa” and she kept giddily peering through the glass of the door.

Henry and I looked at each other and mouthed, “IT’S SEUNGRI’S DAD!”

You guys! Even if Seungri’s dad hadn’t been there, it was the best freaking ramen I’ve ever had. (I mean, I’ve never been to Japan, though.) I really appreciated the ordering process too because don’t listen to what people say about South Korea being English-savvy – the language barrier is real.

Chooch ordered “spicy” because he thinks that just because he’s been here since Friday, his spice threshold has risen. The poor kid had bee-stung lips by the time he was done but I gotta give him props because he is legitimately trying new things here and has developed a taste for gochujang of all things.

Anyway, while we were eating, Henry said, “Those people just got their picture taken with Seungri’s dad.

” So that settled it. Chooch agreed to be my picture=proxy as usual since I hate having my picture taken, and after Henry paid, I asked as politely and hopefully as non-sasaeng (crazy fan) as possible if we could get a picture, and he happily said, “OK OK!”

DYING. DEAD. DECOMPOSING FROM THE CUTENESS. This is just the sweetest thing ever and I am internally freaking out.

(Seungri and his dad.)

I kept putting off buying a BIGBANG light stick because I’m a tightwad but then Henry got me a gift certificate for an online Kpop store so bam that bitch went all up in my cart.

Even though it will be years (IF EVER!!) that my light stick will get to experience a BIGBANG concert what with the impending military enlistments.

Sigh.

Anyway, my light stick arrived the other day and I was sad because it takes two AAA batteries and we only had spare AAs on hand. This was a huge issue, nevermind the fact that we have a freakin’ CVS three blocks away and I could have just walked my ass there, but then Chooch was all, “DADDY’S SMALL FLASHLIGHT MIGHT HAVE TRIPLE As” and before Henry had a chance to snatch his coveted flashlight from us, I had thieved the batteries.

“Come on!” Henry cried as I fled with them in my clenched fist. He is SO POSSESSIVE OF HIS FLASHLIGHTS. Actually, this is the only flashlight he has right now for some reason.

(One time I let a neighbor borrow one of his flashlights without asking him first and it was A Very Big Deal.)

“Let me do it!” Chooch begged, because inserting batteries into a thing is like really amazing you guys. Instead of being mature and lettin my 11-year-old son have a moment to shine, I said, and I do mean shrieked, “NO IT’S MY LIGHT STICK DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH IT YOU’RE GOING TO BREAK IT!” and then I promptly jammed the first battery in the wrong way and got it stuck, resulting in Henry having to devote a half hour of his life to surgically extract it.

Oh you guys it was such a scary time, not knowing if my light stick was going to make it out alive.

But Henry was a hero as usual and managed to salvage my precious BIGBANG light stick. And then I had an impromptu concert of my own. I bribed the cats to attend.

View this post on Instagram

The next day, I took it to work and even Glenn was like, “That is pretty cool I guess” but then he asked how much it cost and was like ARE YOU KIDDING THAT’S OUTRAGEOUS.

Of course, several days later, Henry had a need for his flashlight and as soon as he tried to flick it on, he remembered that the batteries now reside inside my light stick and he muttered, “God dammit.”

Hopefully one day my light stick can be in a crowd of other BIGBANG light sticks.

Have a zutter* holiday!

*That means “dope” – now you know a Korean word. Merry Xmas! 

We almost didn’t get any Christmas cards out this year because our card business was booming this season! I can’t complain about that at all (Henry is though,  because Chooch’s puzzle is still hogging the dining room table and making his card assemblage process really hard). #HUMBLEBRAG #LOL

But honestly, all of us here wish everyone a wonderful day with loved ones and good food. I hope no one is alone today. I love you all! <3

The other day, Taemin announced another comeback for this year and my heart burst! His Move album is being repackaged with 4 new songs and one of them was released today with a video on Naver, which was posted RIGHT BEFORE I LEFT FOR WORK so I got to watch it and weep.

I love it.

I also love that I have totally pulled Henry down into this with me.

Me: I like Taemin better with dark hair though what about you?

Henry, sighing as his Man Card wafts away into the ether: I guess.

He even admitted, without thinking about it, that his favorite Taemin song is “Move.”

We have so much fun in our house, you guys, but strangers would probably be like THE FUCK YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT. For instance, today I was like, “OMG I forgot that Minho was on that one episode of Running Man where Ji-Hyo was force-feeding Gwangsoo jajangmyeon” and Henry was all, “Oh yeah, I remember that one” and then laughed to himself at the memory of it.

Even when I said, “Instead of a Christmas party, let’s just have a small Korean dinner party after the holidays”, he was like, “Yay sounds good.” But then when I created the dinner party event thing via Facebook Messenger, I had to get Janna to add henry because I still have him blocked and the last time I logged in to unblock him, I got distracted and never finished, and then I didn’t realize that I was reactivating my fucking account ON MY BIRTHDAY so then it looked like I was being an attention whore, which I am of course, but only accidentally that time. Ugh, stress.

I think this is the closest and most shared-interest-y Henry and I have ever been. It only took 16 years!

Recently, I have been going through a creative drought. Maybe not even so much a drought, but I just haven’t felt like creating anything. I am so distracted by other hobbies and interests now that I was starting to wonder if maybe my ship has sailed, maybe the “making things” part of my life is over? But then a few months ago, on a whim,  I added several Kpop cards to my non compos cards shop on Etsy, which is a stark contrast to my line of seasonal serial killer greets, but you know me: LIKE A FUCKING ONION.

(Layers, etc.)

I thought maybe they were just one-offs, but then last week, I felt inspired again and I can’t believe it didn’t occur to me sooner to meld Kpop and my card-making together, because I haven’t felt this excited to make shit in a long time! And the best part is that some of them are so cringey that it makes Chooch want to puke, and that’s my litmus test right there. I love Kpop A LOT, so this is the softer side of the serial killer greeting card e-boutique. Where else can you buy a Valentine with the sinister Ramirez sneer and a birthday card spilling over with the angelic glisten of G-Dragon’s perfect freakin’ face?

Just a disclaimer: Our cards are made with love and care. Each one is made to order: printed on high-quality paper and then adhered to sturdy card-stock (color varies per card) – this isn’t some quick print-and-fold job! That’s why our prices are a bit higher than other greeting cards you may see around Etsy. Henry takes his job as card assembly line VERY SERIOUSLY and has it down to such a science that anytime I try to help, I fuck up the whole process. So if we ever divorce (LOL just kidding I mean BREAK UP), I’ll either have to close the shop or start hand-drawing my cards on construction paper because our printer beats me every time.

Anyway, here are all of the ones I have made so far, please feel free to purchase many and often!

BTS BANGTAN ANGELS

Guys, we got RM, Jungkook, Jimin, Jin, J-Hope, V, and Suga floating about on this card like the freaking bangtan angels they are, This could be the one Christmas card you send that doesn’t get thrown away after the holidays. Any Kpop fan in your life is guaranteed to be filled with mirth and cheer with this angelic BTS Christmas card, even if they don’t stan them.

BTS is taking over the world, help them take over the fireplace mantel Christmas card collections, too! The inside is blank, lots of room to practice your Hangeul!

Comes with an envelope. I’m always afraid that there will be that one time Henry forgets to include an envelope and then all my envelope jokes will come back to bite me.

GOT7 Christmas Card!

Can you imagine Santa rolling up to your house in a sleigh full of Kpop idols? THAT IS THE ULTIMATE CHRISTMAS WISH. Well, for some people, anyway. And if you know someone who might have that wish, or at the very least loves Got7, then you should send them this card. The inside says, very succinctly, “Merry Christmas.”

Comes with an envelope because the last time I tried to mail a card in an empty sardine can, it was sent back to me. :(

G-Dragon Santa!!

Ugh, can you imagine sitting on G-Dragon’s lap….I mean HI GUYS here I am peddling another Christmas card! If you have a friend who likes Kpop, then this is the perfect card for them. I mean, G-Dragon dressed as Santa…that’s some merry fantasy.

Front of the card says “ho ho ho” in Hangeul. Inside says “Hope you have a zutter Christmas.” Zutter means “dope” in Korean, but it’s actually pronounced more like jjuttah. It’s also the name of a song that G-Dragon did with T.O.P.! (BTS also has a song called “Dope,” but in the song, they say zutter.) See how educational these cards are?

Comes with an envelope. G-Dragon is unfortunately not included. :(

SHINee Christmas (cringe) card!

This card has just the right amount of Christmas cringe! It’s sure to be appreciated by any Kpop lover you have in your life, especially if they like SHINee (and how can you like Kpop without liking SHINee?!). The inside is a dorky play on one of their more popular songs “Ring Ding Dong” and my 11-year-old son was so repulsed when he read it and called me an embarrassment, and THAT is how I know this card is a winner!

This card comes with an envelope, and not just because I’m all in the holiday spirit or whatever, but because all of my cards come with envelopes.

Speaking of cringe-tastic SHINee cards, here’s a Valentine featuring just Taemin which also made Chooch throw up in his mouth:

Taemin Valentine!

When I made this card, I woke up my 11-year-old son to show him, and his spirited review was, “I hate you.” That’s how I know this card is great! The cringier the better, am I right, you guys?

If you’re into Kpop, or know anyone who is, this card is guarenteed to get a great reaction because hello, what set of working eyeballs in this world don’t enjoy feasting upon the flesh-masterpiece that is LEE TAEMIN?

There’s plenty of space inside to scribble some fingerhearts or write secret love messages in Hangeul. Plus, it comes with an envelope because we don’t skimp here at noncomposcards.

Inside:

I know I already posted this one on here but I wanted to look at his pretty face again, so shut up.

Speaking of Valentines!

Apink Mr. Chu Valentine/Love/Anniversary card!

I told Henry I want a Mr. Chu for Valentine’s Day and he didn’t answer me because he was napping as usual. So I will not be giving him this card. But perhaps you have someone in mind who naps less and pays more attention than my ever-exhausted elderfriend! Then this card would work for you. Anyway, this is a nice Apink Valentine for someone you know who likes kpop.

It comes with an envelope that you can slip a house key in or whatever. I don’t know what you kids do these days.

The inside says “I’m falling, falling for your love.” Obviously. (Side note: “Mr. Chu” was one of the first KpopX routines I ever did two years ago so it will always feel special to me!)

BTS “Save Me” Valentine/Love/Anniversary Card

Valentine’s Day, Anniversary, Just Because…show your favorite Kpop-lovin’ person you love them with this adorable BTS-as-cherubs cards. The inside has lyrics from “Save Me” but can also be blank or customized – just let me know in “note to seller.” The inside says “I need your love before I fall, fall.” Ugh, just go listen to the song!

Comes with an envelope in case you don’t feel like hand-delivering this fine piece of Korean art.

A funny/cute/adorable thing to note about this card is that Henry was helping me cut out all of the faces, and he had each one saved individually as their name, so like Jin.psd, JHope.psd, etc. Henry knows all of their names and I think this is just the sweetest thing in the whole world HENRY LIKES KPOP PASS IT ON.

Birthdays exist too! Here are some cards for that:

BIGBANG birthday card!

This was the first kpop card I made over the summer! Let the boys of BIGBANG do all the heavy-lifting birthday-wishing for you with the most beautiful, Heaven-sent card for any Kpop fan!

As always, this card comes with an envelope that could probably be used as a face mask afterward, with way less benefits of a legit Korean brand, though.

BTS “Jams” Birthday Card

The perfect card for kpop lovers! Let your best BTS friend know that you’re wishing them lots of fun, er, jams, on their special day. No explanation needed for BTS fans, but this is kind of tricky to explain for anyone else because it’s a play on a Korean word and there was a whole meme made out of it which was super popular in the kpopsphere. My friend Lizz who has liked kpop way longer than me approved of this card when she saw it, and that’s good enough for me!

This card comes with an envelope. Add a packet of Smuckers at your own risk.

Red Velvet Birthday Card!

I went through a phase where I would snub my nose at any cake that wasn’t red velvet. I try not to be that way with kpop groups, but Red Velvet is seriously one of the best girl groups out there IN MY OPINION. And maybe you know someone who agrees with me and would be downright tickled to receive a birthday greeting with Red Velvet splayed across the front!

The inside of the card features lyrics from their song “Ice Cream Cake” (“May your day be vanilla chocolate honey with a cherry on top”) and if that doesn’t scream HAPPY BIRTHDAY then maybe you’re normal and I should go see a doctor because my greeting cards are talking to me.

An envelope is included. Maybe you could slip in a piece of ice cream cake, just kidding, don’t do that. The mailman will eat it.

OK that’s all I have so far! But I have a ton more that I’m working out in my head (including a sheet of mini-Valentines like I have for the serial killers and vintage porn star collection), and I’m probably going to open a separate Etsy for the Kpop line at some point. And don’t worry, EXOLS, I have some EXO cards I’m working on, too.

It feels nice to be inspired again, so as usual, thank you Kpop!

HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY INFOMERCIAL.

I have to be honest: I didn’t think I was going to be able to blog for a while because of my Apple Thumb. It was hurting even worse on Thursday and yesterday that I was starting to think I was going to have to go to the hospital. It was raining on Thursday when I went outside on my break and just the simple act of opening my umbrella (OK I say “simple” but this is always a struggle for me, even with ten healthy fingers) had me yelping in pain. Glenn at one point couldn’t take my whining any longer and asked, “OK let me see this gaping wound.”

“Glenn, I have four bandages on it! And I’m never taking them off!”

I saw Todd write something down during this exchange which is why I’m convinced he’s keeping a log of all the reasons he wants his seat moved.

I started to get really concerned because I was having pain on parts of my thumb that were, what I thought, unscathed by the vicious popping apple metal, but I asked Henry where my wound was, just to confirm. Of course he was like, “Shouldn’t you know where it is?” but I reminded him that I was half-blacked out and trying desperately not to look at my bleeding thumb that it’s really not that shocking that I don’t remember. But I was pretty sure I wasn’t actually cut on the padding of my thumb, which is where I was feeling a ton of pain, so then I started to wonder if I had metal in my thumb and it was infected.

Finally last night I was visited by a surge of bravery so I slid the band-aids off which is how I learned that the pain was coming from the fact that my skin was pinched together in like 4 spots on account of quadruple band-aid action. I had essentially put a baby tourniquet on my thumb so while I was relieved that I didn’t have like, shards of apple corer blades embedded in my thumb, I was now concerned that my thumb was dying or dead because the skin was BRIGHT WHITE and bath time prune-y times 100.

Well, I’m happy to report that today my thumb still hurts but it’s mostly better and back to a normal color, but I still have weird creases in it from the band-aids. And my two apple wounds are slightly sore but scabbed so I guess I’m the road to recovery.

That was really boring, so I’ll close it out with some photos that have been rotting in my phone just like the apple I refused to eat after my hand was nearly lanced off my body.

I just showed it to Henry and he had the audacity to say, “There’s not even anything there.” WOW JUST WOW.

A few weeks ago, we had lunch at Bae Bae’s Kitchen with Janna. I had the tofu and japchae — that tofu, and I’m not just saying this because it was a Korean restaurant, was the best tofu I’ve had in my life. The texture was mind-blowing and it was so crisp without feeling like I was eating some artery-clogging carnival fare.

Henry’s review was “eh” because we have been eating a lot of Korean food over the last year and he felt that, while it was good, it was too expensive and he didn’t get his money’s worth, blah blah. It was an old man complaint. Janna and I had heart-eyes for our lunch, while Chooch was crying because he hates everything.

Henry made me tomato & kimchi grilled cheese the other day and I felt like a fucking princess.

I was on late shift yesterday so I had all morning to follow along with the 2017 MAMA updates on Twitter. MAMA is the MNET Asian Music Awards, and it’s such a big deal that they had three of them this past week, in Vietnam, Japan, and then culminating with the main event yesterday in Hong Kong. I have to admit that when I was watching the AMAs a few weeks ago, I found myself saying, “Who? Who?” a lot because western music just hasn’t kept my attention lately. But watching the MAMAs made me realize just how deeply-invested I am in all of this because I knew everyone there, even when they were flashing to groups in the audience, I’d be like, “Aw that’s EXO” or whatever. But when they were showing people in the crowd at the AMAs, I was like WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!? YouTubers, apparently.

Anyway, I was blowing up Henry’s phone all day with updates and videos. BTS won artist of the year and stopped the whole show with their legendary performance. All I kept on thinking was how quaint they probably thought the AMAs were, because that shit is small-fucking-potatoes compared to the Asian music industry. Every performance there was fucking epic and blew away everything that I saw at the AMAs. Step it up, America. Shit.

(Gratuitous Taemin drivel ahead!)

Anyway, my favorite part was OBVIOULSY Taemin. He performed “Door” in a dramatic fashion, appeared at the end of Sunmi’s “Gashina” performance and did the epic gun-dance with her, and then went right into “Move” which he won the MAMA for “best dance” later that evening and I cried because he is such a fucking king of dance and so humble, I can’t stand it!!

If you’re into spectacular dancing you should watch both videos and not just because Taemin is in both but OK yes that’s exactly why you should watch.

I have always been a stupidly emotional person – crying is contagious for me, worse than yawns or herpes. But at one point yesterday I left my body and while I hovered over top of myself, I was so embarrassed at how badly I was blubbering and sniffling while watching AN AWARDS SHOW. I guess call it projection since everything else in the world sucks so fucking much. HUGE SHRUG.

Janna and my mom are coming over for the 3rd annual Lighting of Trudy, so I have to go and eat something for dinner other than the peanut butter cookie I just had from Orbis Cafe after standing behind three pre-teen Mt. Lebanon girls placing the most pretentious and confusing hot chocolate orders I’ve ever seen (“No, only 2 of 3 large ones are peppermint, and 2 have whipped cream, but only 1 of the peppermint ones has whipped cream, and then the one that doesn’t have whipped cream needs extra foam.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? Imagine these girls in a few years at Starbucks. They are the future of coffee culture!!!!). But can I just indulge myself once more before I sign off? I want to share a video of Taemin and Super Junior fan-boying during EXO’s performance because it’s everything.

“Seriously? They’re waving like they haven’t literally been sitting right next to each other all night long,” Henry said, yet he stuck around and watched it with me a second time BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING ADORABLE also because he likes Super Junior.

Bibimbye!

I’m usually at odds with Sundays but this one has been pretty daebak. Maybe it’s because I have tomorrow off so this doesn’t really feel like a Sunday, I don’t know. This whole weekend has been very kpop-centric, so I can’t complain. (I know, when isn’t kpop fueling my life these days.)

Henry is totally into kpop, too, way more than he ever was into any of the post-hardcore/screamo/pop-punk stuff I liked. In fact, yesterday morning, he casually said to me, “I was reading this article about SM Entertainment….” and then he actually agreed to doing an entire hour of kpop workouts with me last night!

When people say kpop is a trap, they’re not kidding. It has spread through our house like the sweetest disease. For example, if you were wondering what Henry listens to when he’s alone making greeting cards…

View this post on Instagram

Henry was using Chooch’s desk to make cards because his usual work station (aka the dining room table) has been taken over by the 2000 piece puzzle that Chooch and I impulse-bought Friday night at Target. Henry has been threatening to destroy the puzzle all weekend, but the cats might beat him to it. So far, neither of them have been as malicious toward puzzles as Marcy was though. She hated the joy that putting together puzzles brought me. :( I miss her.

HEY SPEAKING OF CARDS AND KPOP: I made this beautiful Lee Taemin Valentine yesterday. I woke Chooch up to show him and the cringe-fest of it all made him mumble, “I hate you.”

If you’re into Kpop, or know anyone who is, this card is guarenteed to get a great reaction because hello, what set of working eyeballs in this world don’t enjoy feasting upon the flesh-masterpiece that is LEE TAEMIN?

There’s plenty of space inside to scribble some fingerhearts or write secret love messages in Hangeul. Plus, it comes with an envelope because we don’t skimp here at noncomposcards.

Here, go buy one.

Later on, we went to Armstrong’s for dinner and Chooch was fucking PAINED because his buddy down the street just got into Minecraft and Chooch desperately wanted to play it with him but we had the audacity to drag him with us and feed him, but god forbid if we DON’T feed the little fucker, we never hear the end of it! For instance, on Friday when we were at Target buying the aforementioned puzzle, Chooch realized that he hadn’t eaten dinner and when he mentioned it, Henry paused and said, “…..you had lunch.” Like that was the best excuse he could come up with for neglecting his child!?

“You had lunch” is the new excuse that Chooch and I have been throwing around all weekend.

Somehow in the midst of all the incessant whining, Chooch was able to eavesdrop on the young couple in the booth diagonal from us. “I think that guy just said something about Rap Monster!” Chooch exclaimed, to which Henry and I laughed, “Yeah right.”

But then I heard it too! The guy was saying something about not understanding one of Rap Monster’s parts and then something that made us think that they were talking about the AMA performance, and then also he name-dropped Suga!

“OMG THOSE PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT BTS!” I squealed. “I want to say something. Please let me say something!”

“Don’t!” Henry hissed, and blocked me from getting around him in the booth. He hates it when I butt into other peoples’ conversations, but I was so excited because this was honestly right after I was crying in my dumb American salad and saying that I feel like I don’t belong in this country anymore.

IT WAS LIKE THOSE PEOPLE WERE PUT THERE TO MAKE ME FEEL LESS ALONE!

Chooch, meanwhile, forgot about Minecraft and was now obsessed with drawing attention to himself, so he kept loudly singing “Go Go” and spitting out “BTS” in a Tourettes-like fashion.

Then when he realized he was wearing a KCON shirt, he made this huge production of shrugging out of his jacket, STRETCHING, and the standing up next to our table and loudly saying, “I WONDER WHERE THE BATHROOM IS” while dramatically tugging on his shirt and jutting out his chest.

It was hilarious and also very embarrassing.

They never did acknowledge us, but when they walked past us on their way out, Henry thought he recognized the girl as one of the managers at the CVS down the street from us so now I’m going to go there every day this week while wearing my light-up G-Dragon headband.

Now we’re just hanging out watching videos on YouTube and Henry said, “Let’s watch this again,” and with an actual flourish, he put on the new video for BTS’s “Mic Drop” remix. LOOKS LIKE HENRY FINALLY FOUND A KPOP GROUP TO STAN. (I just asked him if Jimin is still his bias and he said, “HE NEVER WAS” – wow, so defensive.)

Non-kpop related, but when we came home from dinner, Chooch was craning his neck down the street to see if his dumb friend was home and I was like, “OMG YOU ARE SUCH A WORLD-CLASS STALKER!” and then Henry was all, “OH HO HO! LOOK WHO’S TALKING. HE GOT HIS STALKING SKILLS FROM THE #1 WORLD CLASS STALKER. JIMMY!!!!”

Oh yeah.

For the first time in years, I watched a music awards show. I had to sit through nearly three hours of blandness waiting for the one freaking thing that I wanted to see (isn’t that always the case). But it was worth even enduring that atrocious Christina Aguilera “Bodyguard” soundtrack medley (sorry, never been a fan).

Before I get to the good part, here are some more thoughts:

• I did really enjoy Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez (I just really love her), and the Zedd/Alessia Cara performances, so there’s that.
• I don’t think Tracy Ellis Ross (or whatever the fuck her name is) is funny or a big enough personality to carry a whole awards show. And I don’t care if she’s Diana Ross’s daughter. JUST MY OPINION.
• EVERY TIME THEY SHOWED BTS IN THE CROWD, CHOOCH AND I SCREAMED.
• Fuck Florida Georgia Line and I don’t even know who the broad was who was singing with them.
• I don’t dislike Pink but maybe if her music was more interesting she wouldn’t have to hang off the side of a hotel.
• I liked Gaga better during her bloody Paparazzi phase, but I do like that single she performed even though it honestly sounds like it could be have been sung by any other current girl pop singer out there right now. (Her performance that year at the VMAs is still my all time favorite awards show performance of any band/singer.)
• Kelly Clarkson seriously seems like the nicest person in the whole industry and she makes me smile even if her music isn’t really my thing.
• I cried when Linkin Park won even though I haven’t been a fan since like 1999.
• If someone would have told me 12 years ago that one day Portugal the Man would be performing at the AMAs I would have laughed. (Also sorry to sound like a fucking hipster but their old shit was better.)
• WHY NO CHARLIE PUTH THO
• Shawn Mendes is talented. I support him.
• I was excited to see Diana Ross! I opened up to Henry and Chooch about how when I was young in the 80s, I thought “Missing You” was the saddest song ever written because that one part where she sings, “I’m missing you / Tell me why the road turns” always made me think that literally the road turned while her boyfriend or whoever the song is about was driving, and he kept going straight and crashed and died. Henry and Chooch unanimously agreed that I’m dumb, so they can both fuck right off. IT WAS HARD TO SHARE THIS STORY

OK on to the most important part…

Unless you have been living under a rock, you probably heard that, omg, a KOREAN BOY BAND performed at the American Music Awards last weekend. I was so stoked for this. BTS isn’t my bias group but I do like them a whole lot, especially since this last record of theirs came out. Even then I said that it blew American pop music out of the water and now look—America is catching on. I’m going to try hard to not come off as a pretentious music snob cuntface over here, but I’m like thoroughly smug and validated right now. I WILL TRY TO TONE IT DOWN because I know how annoying I can be. #selfawareness

I was a nervous wreck all day on Sunday, like I was waiting to watch my actual seven sons perform at the school talent show or something. I was driving Henry nuts (duh) but even he was anticipating this event. We went to Blake’s that evening for birthday cake (he’s 25 now!) and the whole time I was like OK BUT WE NEED TO BE HOME BY 8. WE’RE GOING TO BE HOME BY 8 RIGHT and I don’t  know what the big deal is because we honest-to-god live 4 minutes BY FOOT from Blake and Haley’s apartment so I wasn’t ever going to be stranded there, AMAs-less or anything.

Sometime around 10:30, the Chainsmokers walked on stage and I knew it was finally happening. It made sense that the Chainsmokers would announce them because they collab’d on a song on BTS’s recent record.

I’m honestly crying all over again as I type this but those boys fucking slayed that stage. And the fan chants made us so happy – the Armys were representing so hard out there that night! I read that the AMAs had to actually mute the crowd because it was so hard to hear the music hahahaha. Chooch was like, “Everyone there experiencing this for the first time now knows what my ears felt like at KCON!” Honestly – I have been to a lot of concerts in my lifetime, but I have never heard screaming as loud as I have at kpop concerts. It’s a whole new level of fan-girl.

I stood right next to the TV with my hands over my heart through their whole performance. I have seen them perform DNA on sooooo many Korean music shows but man…seeing them at the AMAs, giving all the Western music world a run for its money? Fuck yeah boys, get it.

Several of my friends even admitted to me that they watched it and now they see why I like Kpop so much. I mean, I honestly just really like how the language sounds, to the point where I wonder if I wouldn’t like it if any of the groups recorded English versions of their songs. For example, I tend to not like the Japanese versions they record at all. And don’t even get me started on how much I love their dancing. I also think it’s not understood how hard these people work! And BTS especially — they’re not as prefabricated as you think. They write most of their own songs and J-Hope does a lot of the choreography for them. They are artists in every sense of the word and it does irritate me when people here scoff at Kpop like it’s inferior to…what? All the Meghan Trainors and Taylor Swifts whining on our radios? Just because Kpop is in a different language doesn’t mean it’s “weird” or “a joke” or “creepy.” And hey American interviewers – STOP ASKING THEM IF THEY’RE GOING TO RECORD AN ALBUM IN ENGLISH. Isn’t it enough that there’s an English remix of “Mic Drop”? :(

From the reaction that BTS’s performance got Sunday night, it seems like maybe our country is becoming more open to the idea of Korean pop music. Believe me, there are millions of us here who already know how wonderful it is! I know this because the last time BTS toured the US, tickets sold out in minutes, so um…hopefully they’ll add more cities next time?

My favorite part was the next morning, my boss called over to me, “So have you stopped smiling yet?” I didn’t know what she meant by that, and she followed up with, “They really brought down the house last night!”

“Oh my god, you watched??” I asked, and she said, “Yes! You’re the reason I knew who they were!”

Glenn was all, “What. What’s going on?” And I smugly said, “OH NOTHING JUST ONE OF THE KPOP GROUPS I LIKE MADE HISTORY LAST NIGHT AT THE AMAS NO BIG DEAL” and he was so annoyed because he wants Kpop to be a joke forever and ever amen.

I’m so proud of these boys. I felt like I was watching  my seven kids matriculate! Way to represent South Korea, BTS.

Are you like me and sick and tired of being let-down and heart-broken by bands full of misogynist, woman-beating, statutory rapist douchebags? I mean, are there any good American bands left in the scene that we can still love and support without a guilty conscious? Probably, sure, but who knows who they are right now. For now, can I suggest some new music for you to enjoy without feeling like a hypocrite?

Great! Here are some of my current favorite songs. Pretend like we’re having a dance party at my house! Daebak!

1. Red Velvet – Peekaboo: They were one of the first girl groups I really loved when I got into kpop, and their new song has been stuck in my head all day. I don’t really understand the video, but it’s very aesthetically pleasing to me (all of their videos are!).

2.  Super Junior – Black Suit: I don’t understand this video either, but this song is such a bop. I’m just a casual fan at best, but this new song and their recent appearance on Weekly Idol has made me grow more interested in them, for sure. (Henry’s bias is Shindog.)

3. EXID – DDD: One of the first kpopX routines I did was to EXID’s “Up and Down” so they have a special OG place in my heart. When Hani’s smile fades at the 1:37 minute mark I am just like QUEEN. Ugh, this song is great. Long live EXID.

4. Astro – Crazy Sexy Cool: I never really cared much for Astro until this song came out. I think the video is so fucking adorable, and such a refreshing change from the Warped Tour / post-hardcore scene. Give me these pretty Korean boys any day.

5. Taemin – Move: I have to include a Taemin pick her because Henry seriously doesn’t like him for some strange reason and it breaks my heart, but I mean, he came around with BTS so maybe there’s hope for Taemin too?

So there you go. Five recent singles from South Korea that you can enjoy without wondering if any of them would harm your underage daughters.

Happy Saturday, chingu!

I think I have been doing a pretty decent job lately of not blowing all of the monies on concert tickets. It helps that I just haven’t been that into Western music lately. However, when I saw that PVRIS was going on a fall tour in support of their new album, I was all over that shit. They’re in that top tier of bands I just can’t pass up, you know? Naturally, there was no Pittsburgh date on this tour, so I was going to try and catch their Philly show. But then we planned the pie party for that day because I forgot about it and that ruined that idea.

(I did this same thing a few years ago with the pie party and Pierce the Veil, ugh.)

Then I saw that the Detroit date was on a Friday, and I wondered if it was possible, if I could twist Henry’s arm just so…

He was not down with this whatsoever because he knew he wouldn’t be able to take the day off work. But then I told our Michigan friends Bill & Jessi that we might be in town that weekend and this created hype, so Henry finally conceded under the provision that I would be going to the show by myself because he didn’t want to go, and Chooch was pretty meh about it too, so that meant this trip was already going to be cheaper.

I requested the day off work, and as luck would have it, it was parent teacher conference day so Chooch didn’t have school. But we still had to wait for Henry to come home which was so stressful. Chooch and I were sitting on the porch with our overnight bags when Henry pulled in the driveway. It only, theoretically, takes < 5 hours to get to Detroit, but then we got stuck in a tractor trailer accident traffic so by the time we got to the Royal Oak Theater, it was after 8 and the show had already started. I practically rolled out of the car before it even came to a complete stop, I just needed to get inside that theater post haste.

I’m the type of person who always gets to a place before or right as doors open, because I like to scope out the scene. Especially if I’ve never been to the venue before, which was the case in this situation. So the doors had already been opened for over an hour at this point, and the opening band (Flint Eastwood) was already halfway through their set. I got stuck in the security line behind some bitch who had some type of contraband that I couldn’t make out and was arguing with security because she didn’t want to take it back to her car so they were going to throw it out and I was SO ANTSY to get in that I was about to grab the item and punt it out of the theater.

When it was finally my turn, the security lady who was rummaging through my purse kept trying to make conversation with me and I couldn’t hear her over the band and the STRESS-RINGING IN MY EARS so I just kept saying “yes” to all of her questions. Finally, after determining that my emergency tampons weren’t black market weapons, she moved aside and let me pass.

I immediately hated this venue.

Maybe my opinion would have differed had I gotten there early enough to see where I was walking, but I was having such a hard time navigating my way toward the stage, because there were tiered levels, like an upside-down wedding cake. Each level was contained by a railing with steps in the middle leading down to the next, and it was impossible to get through. So for Flint Eastwood, I stood on the right side of the top level, and I couldn’t see at all because the levels were flat and not slanted. So unless you were at the front of each tier, along the railing, you had no chance of seeing because the stage was so far down. So I had to make due with watching all the drunk people dancing in front of me. That got old pretty quickly, so after Flint Eastwood (who was fine, but you know I’m picky with female-fronted bands and she was a little too much of a rougher version of Adele for my liking) I waited for the obligatory influx of people running to the bar for refills and used the freshly-emptied space to navigate my way to the steps down to the middle level, where I found a space along the edge which allowed me to boost myself up a bit along the side railing. I still had to stand on my tiptoes to see, but it was better than the first level. I listened to the conversations around me while I waited for Lights to come on. There was a young-ish couple to my right who were having a  friendly debate over slushees vs slurpees.

Lights came on sometime after 9 and I was so excited because after years of being a casual fan, this was my first time finally seeing her. I’m always so impressed that she has managed to preserve her scene queen side-part after all these years and it doesn’t look out-dated on her at all. She is such a fucking queen.

Her recent release is so damn ambitious. Not only did she write an entire record, but she also made a companion comic book series to go with it. She is an artist in every sense of the word!

I was so excited to hear Skydiving live, because that song makes me feel a certain way.

Beau Bokan is so lucky to be married to her, that’s all I’m going to say.

View this post on Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/p/BahXkbahClE/?taken-by=ohhonestlyconcerts

Lights is pretty flawless. Her voice sounded huge and crystalline in that big theater and I had chills through most of her set. I wish Chooch hadn’t ditched me that night because I think he would have fallen in love. (Unlike me, he is a huge fan of girl singers, lol. #obviduh)

There were two guys who were standing to my left for the whole set, and a group of older women in front of me, but they all left after Lights which left a huge opening for the biggest dorks in Royal Oak to usurp the free land around me and I was in aural pain. There were four of them and they all scream-talked to each other about tech-y things and I texted Henry: HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT ALL HAVE RETAINER-LISPS?!!?!?

I couldn’t take it, but I felt trapped. I knew I needed to get down to the ground floor, in front of the stage, but I couldn’t figure out how. On the other side of the railing I was leaning against, there was a walkway leading from the top of the venue down to the stage, so I yelled to the security guard down there, “What’s the best way to get down there?!” She advised me to go all the way back up to the top, where the bar is, and come down the walkway along the side. It was a journey, I’m not going to lie. People were sprawled out all over each set of stairs I had to ascend, and I felt like I was engaging in football drills.

I was not a fan of this venue AT ALL.

I mean, it was beautiful in there, don’t get me wrong. But the layout made me feel absolutely crazed.

But I made it down to the stage and managed to get almost all the way to the barricade, but off to the side (my beloved right side of the stage—I always gravitate to that side!). This was a gamechanger. I was down there with the real fans and not the drunks. I could see the stage easily now. I felt comfortable and could finally start breathing normally again.

I’m telling you, for as many shows I’ve attended alone, sometimes one catches me off guard and it’s like starting over from scratch with my anxiety and self-consciousness. Maybe it had a lot to do with being in a different city, at a new-to-me venue, in addition to all of the earlier stress of trying to make it there on time. I don’t know, but it was a perfect storm of neuroses for me and as much as I love PVRIS, I couldn’t wait for the show to be over and they hadn’t even come out yet!

Meanwhile, some girl behind me started raging to her friends. “Did you see this?!” she yelled and then tilted her phone toward them.

“Fucking Ovechkin!” one of them yelled, and I laughed to myself because I guess the Red Wings were playing the Capitals, and that’s a phrase we yell a lot in Pittsburgh too.

It was nearly 10, maybe even later than that, when the lights finally went out and PVRIS made a dramatic entrance. It had been over a year since I last saw them and I immediately filled with that warmth that you get when you’re seeing a band you really, really love, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?! Henry doesn’t.

He’s not the biggest fan of PVRIS and didn’t argue one bit when I said I would go to this show alone. (I went to their last one alone too, woe is me.) But I will tell you that Chooch had some remorse, because he thought that by not going to the show with me, he was going to get to hang out with Bill and Jessi but he didn’t realize that this wasn’t happening until after the show that night, so there! Henry and Chooch just hung out in the Royal Oak area, ate dinner, and walked around like creeps while waiting for me, I guess. I didn’t ask for their itinerary so I don’t really know.

I was immediately reminded of how much I love them as soon as they started playing, and suddenly the earlier stresses of the day became well worth it.  Their sound is the perfect merging dark synthpop and alt-rock, which appeals to both Goth Erin and Scene Kid Erin. This band is so talented and unlike anything else out there right now and if you ever get the chance to go see them, please go. And take me with you, if possible.

Lynn Gunn for life.

View this post on Instagram

Listening to them always inspires me to dig through my synthpop collection. Synth is so underrated.

I left before the encore because it was already after 11 and I was itching to get to Bill and Jessi’s. What a whirlwind day.

I have waited a good long while for this to happen: Emarosa finally headlined a show in Pittsburgh so we didn’t have to travel to see them! We could casually leave our house at a normal hour for once and then get home before 2am or, you know, sometime the next day!

And the cherry on top an already decked out sundae was that the opening bands were two bands that Chooch and I both love: Jule Vera (Chooch) and A Lot Like Birds (me)! I absolutely could not wait. Even Henry was stoked on this one, probably mostly because he didn’t have to drive a lot and it was an early show, his favorites.

(Who am I kidding: early shows are my favorites these days now too.)

There ended up being a local opener and I was mildly annoyed about this at first because of course the venue was filled with all of their friends and family and I was worried that it would be like all of the Smiling Moose shows, where the opening band would play and the crowd would only be there just for them and then the venue would be empty for the headliner and the rest of the bands on the actual tour.

I had low expectations for Define Irony, which is awful because I was definitely judging them by the crowd they drew and I was expecting some lame 105 The X homogenous rock sound, but they proved me wrong and I am delighted to admit that! I love when a local band is GOOD!

https://www.instagram.com/p/BZthiNvhc7D/?taken-by=ohhonestlyconcerts

Of course, this video doesn’t do it justice, but when the girl started singing, I was like, “OK I’M LISTENING. I HEAR YOU.” Their style, the back and forth co-ed vocals, brought back some memories of the scene from the mid-00s, and I was feeling it deeply.

Henry, who had ditched Chooch and I immediately and went to the bar, said that he couldn’t tell at all from where he was sitting if the band was good or not because the sound was so bad back there, which is very disappointing because I feel like Cattivo is usually pretty good in that area. Then again, Henry isn’t easily impressed so who knows.

Also, I haven’t been a good blog-researcher so I don’t know if this is mentioned on any of their social media sites, but if they got their name from Steve Buscemi’s line about Lynyrd Skynyrd in “Con Air” then I love them even more.

God, I love that movie.

Of course as soon as Define Irony was over, their whole entire posse left (although some of them hung around for the rest of the night) and I started to panic that the crowd was going to be sparse for Emarosa. People will argue with me based on the types of music they like, but Pittsburgh can be pretty shitty when it comes to the music scene and it’s bizarre because we have SO MANY COLLEGES in the area. Why aren’t these kids coming to shows? Are they just that poorly promoted? It could be that. Usually the only way I hear about shows is by following bands I like on Instagram or remembering to check the websites of various venues around here. Because unless it’s a larger band or something playing at Stage AE, I just don’t usually see anything about it.

I even tried to round up some friends to come out to this show because I really think some of them would enjoy Emarosa but that plan bombed. Amber2 was really bummed out because she does genuinely like them and it would figure that when they finally headlined here, she was out of town!

I WILL NOT GIVE UP THOUGH. Even if I have to buy everyone’s ticket myself and trick them into going.

The next band was Jule Vera, featuring Chooch’s babe Ansley. He LOVES HER. I mean, just look at her though, who wouldn’t? And then she starts singing and if you hadn’t already loved her, you will definitely fall in deep then. And the rest of the band is such a joy to watch, too!

I was sad though because the first time Chooch and I saw them with Never Shout Never in 2016, they did this really cool drum solo thing where Ansley poured water on the drum while the drummer was playing and it sounds like such a simple thing but it really was a cool thing to watch. It was very dramatic and that was definitely what made me pay attention to them.

Henry and I saw them a few months later at Riot Fest and they did it there too, and the crowd was just going nuts over it. We’ve seen them twice since then and they haven’t done it again :( This time around, they mostly played songs from their new album, which admittedly didn’t appeal much to me when we saw them over the summer at Warped Tour, but the vibe in Cattivo was different this night, more intense and passionate, and I afterward I looked at Chooch and said, “OK, I’m sold. I like the new songs now.” I think that the stage they played on at Warped was just not suitable for them.

In the beginning of their set, the crowd seemed kind of dead and I was SO EMBARRASSED. Ansley tried to get everyone to clap during the first song and no one moved. I really hoped that this wasn’t going to be a theme for the night, but by the second song, people seemed to really be opening up to Jule Vera and the energy rose A LOT. I mean, Chooch was over there right in front of the stage, cheering and waving his arms, so they at least would have had him if all else failed.

View this post on Instagram

One thing to note about Chooch is that he is super independent when we’re out at events like this, and well, just really in life in general. When I was his age and had to use the bathroom, I would panic because OMG WHERE IS IT WHAT IS IT GOING TO BE LIKE SOMEONE GO WITH ME.

LOL who am I kidding, I’m still like that at 38.

But not Chooch. He’ll be like, “I have to piss, brb” and then he sets off to find the loo all on his own. So that’s what he did after Jule Vera, and I saved our spots. When he came back, he saw some girl wave to him and say, “Hi Riley!” and I was like, “How the fuck does an 11-year-old know people at shows and I don’t?!” Turns out she was one of his mentors when he was in 1st grade, so I guess she must be a senior now? Junior? I don’t know.

Math.

Shit fuck motherfucker OMG. A Lot Like Birds was next. Henry was still sitting in the bar area and I was like, “COME OUT HERE AND WATCH THEM” but he was like, “NO” because he’s seen them a bunch of times with me and absolutely nothing will ever make him like them because he has no taste.

I was excited for Chooch to finally see them live but he said he didn’t really like them that much and my heart shattered a little because I adore A Lot Like Birds, even without Kurt Travis.

I just saw them in June when they played Divisi in its entirety so I won’t go into too much detail here other than they were a joy to watch as usual and just made me feel invigorated.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BZtm_EkhiKr/?taken-by=ohhonestlyconcerts

Henry came over and joined us while Emarosa was setting up. Wow, so blessed. Please stand with us, Henry. Protect us from the bad guys at the big scary concert.

When Emarosa came on stage, the room felt like it was on fire. The crowd was pretty decent for Pittsburgh and everyone was visibly pumped to see Emarosa. I always say the same things about them: they’re so energetic, so pure and passionate, so clearly in love with sharing the art that they make — it’s hard to escape that contagion and I think that’s why this is one of the few bands that Henry and I BOTH like. But, only since the departure of Jonny Craig.

Oh, WHILE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT THAT GINGER PIECE OF SHIT…..a few days before this show, a video was going around on Twitter from a Slaves show in Detroit where Jonny was so fucked up that he fell off stage, tried to play it off like he just wanted to be singing in the crowd, and then CHOKES some guy for mocking him. This guy…

Also, he sounded like absolute shit in the video too. Sorry for all my friends who are now suddenly (and inexplicably) into him, literal “Jonny-Come-Lately”s, but that motherfucker peaked in 2009. You missed out, guys.

I wish there was a special font to denote eye-rolling.

Anyway, this was all over twitter and various music websites, and then Jonny was actually calling people and threatening them to take down the video and I have no idea what he’s so afraid of because he has cultivated such a pathetic following of blind sheep that he will probably never be in danger of not having a career because who cares if he’s a drug addict that emotionally abuses people, fans included, right guys?

I’m telling you all of this because after Emarosa played the first song of the night, Bradley took some time to ask everyone how they were doing that night (after saying, “Howdy, partners—I’m trying a new thing here”).

“No one’s getting choked, so that’s good at least,” he said, and I was like, “OOOOOOOH SHIT!” That was definitely a jab at Jonny and I loved it.

I don’t have a set list, but I will tell you that they played a good bit from both Bradley-fronted albums, including some of my favorites from Versus that I haven’t heard in a while and was afraid that they were retiring them.

View this post on Instagram

But they also did a REAL throwback and played “The Game Played Right,” which was from the Jonny-era self-titled album and also my favorite old Emarosa song that I have never heard live before because Jonny wasn’t around very long after this album came out. I thought I was going to die. I rarely record entire songs at concerts because, for what, you know? But this was a rare exception because Bradley sang it so perfectly, and when it was over, some guy in the crowd yelled, “You sang that better than Jonny!”

“I know,” Bradley said in that Chris Pratt-esque way that I adore. “I killed it. But, it’s not a hard song to sing.” If that had been a tweet, he for sure would have used the hair-swish emoji, I just know it.

Or the nail-painting one.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BZtgmHoh3_0/?taken-by=ohhonestlyconcerts

And they played a cover of Paramore’s “Decode” and I wanted to cry. It was such a fire rendition.

Oh, and guess who crowd-surfed again? HAHAHA! Chooch saw Bradley walking over to our side of the side and got the “Oh lawd” look on his face, and then before he could hide in Henry’s beard, Bradley was pulling him up on stage and sending him off to the sea of fans. It was great!

Immediately after the show, Chooch’s friend Lacey came over and high-fived him, and then the girl who was standing next to Chooch at the front of the stage came over and asked if we were at the Emarosa at Mahall’s last spring. After I confirmed, she said, “I knew I had seen you guys there!” I’m sure a crowd-surfing 11-year-old is pretty hard to forget though!

And then another guy came over to us and said, “Hey, I met you at the A Lot Like Birds show a few months ago—” but of course I remembered him because so few people actually talk to me at shows! Anyway, he said as soon as he saw Chooch go up in the air, he was like, “That has to be that girl’s son” because we were talking about Emarosa at that last ALLB show and I showed him the video of Chooch crowd-surfing. So he came over and looked for us after the show and I was so happy! I hardly ever make connections at shows because when I’m alone, I’m so stand-offish and awkward. And if I do talk to anyone, I always feel like they won’t remember me anyway because I’m so forgettable, wah.

So all of these things were so great (and also all thanks to Chooch, ugh) and then we had a great conversation with one of the guitarists from Jule Vera, the same one we talked to at Warped Tour (Claud?). He’s such a nice guy, and a real talker. That’s those Alabama boys for you! He said, “Ya’ll were at Warped Tour, too, weren’t you?” and I was so happy that he remembered talking to us! Those bands talk to so many fans at Warped Tour, but I guess Henry kind of stands out.

Just a little.

Henry and I told him that we also saw them at Riot Fest last year and how upset Chooch was that he wasn’t there, haha.

Meanwhile, Chooch just stood there, nervously wringing his hands, desperately trying to avoid making eye contact with Ansley. He has it bad for her, man.

We couldn’t leave without talking to Bradley (no really we couldn’t — he was standing right by the door!).

He seemed genuinely happy to see us, and told us that there were snags on stage, being the first show and all, and I was like, “Pfft, we couldn’t tell!” They sounded so tight as always! Then he tried to teach Chooch a handshake-thing and it was pretty painful, and also hilarious, to watch.

I opened my big mouth about Chooch’s crush on Ansley and Bradley was all, “OH SHIT!” and started teasing him in full big-brother mode. Even the guys in line behind us were cracking up.

I wish I could describe Bradley better, because he is so down-to-earth and an absolute delight to talk to. I know that sounds so lame and like, such a mom-thing to say, but it’s clear how much he values and appreciates his fans. I love watching him engage with people in line before us, and seeing him make someone’s day. He’s good at it, and while he has his exaggerated (and also very facetious) bravado on stage, he is so far from a rock star in person. I love this guy, and this band, and I hope the butterflies they give me never go away!

What an excelsior night, legitimately.

For those not in the kpop loop, Taeyang is one of the members of Bigbang, inarguably one of the biggest kpop groups of all time (this is pure numerical fact, you guys). And like a lot of kpop idols, Taeyang occasionally strays from his group and does the solo thing. With an impending military enlistment in his very near future and Bigbang currently on a hiatus, Taeyang churned out a beautiful solo album called White Night late August and set off on his first ever solo tour of North America.

G-Dragon is my ultimate bias but I do love Taeyang a lot as well. If I had to compare him to an American artist, I’d have to go with Ne-Yo — he’s got the smooth R&B sensibilities — mixed with the sick dancing of Chris Brown. I might actually enjoy Taeyang’s dancing even more than his vocals, and watching live Bigbang performances imakes it hard to ignore how joyful he looks.

The Chicago date for the White Night Tour was conveniently set for Labor Day weekend, almost like Taeyang was handing me an invitation in one perfectly white-gloved hand. Henry of course was like FML because I had recently decided that I didn’t want to go to Riot Fest this year because the line-up wasn’t tickling me, so he basically got rid of one Chicago road trip and then almost immediately replaced it with another. And full disclosure, one basic (i.e. no soundcheck, send-off, etc) ticket was pretty close to the same amount as my three-day Riot Fest pass. Totally fucking worth it. (Thankfully, I was able to sell my Riot Fest pass though!)

Henry and Chooch came to Chicago with me but since we don’t own our house and couldn’t take out a second mortgage, three Taeyang tickets were slightly out of reach, so I went to the show alone. They were total baes though and at least rode the L with me to the Aragon Ballroom so I wouldn’t have a panic attack. Hey, isn’t it enough that I at least go to concerts alone?

Since I was just a basic old P2 ticket holder, I didn’t bother getting there super early since I knew I was already going to be at least two sections away from the stage, so instead I rolled up right when doors opened at 6. I don’t know what I expected, that I could just waltz right into the venue straight from the L station? Because nope. So many nopes. A Wacky Worm full of nopes. There was a huge line that wrapped around the theater and into the empty lot alongside of it. These were all P2 people. I couldn’t believe it.

There were two long lines parallel with the building, and then numerous smaller lines facing the theater, which you can kind of see in that picture up there. A security guard put me at the end of the last line, and then a girl eventually made her way down my line, checking our tickets and wristbanding us.

Taeyang White Night, P2 baby!

Two guys capped off the end of my line, and I listened with slight amusement as they people-watched and checked out the girls in line. Within the first fifteen minutes, though, they noticed me in spite of my natural invisibility, and the one with curly hair asked, “Excuse me, are you here by yourself?”

Forty alarms went off in my head, but this was a Taeyang show—-what was the worst that could happen?

After I admitted that I was, he said, “OK, well, you’re now a part of our conversation” and just like that, I became concert line pals with John and Paco. Paco was also attending the show alone, having driven there from St. Louis, but John was waiting out the line-standing with him out of solidarity. THAT IS A GOOD FRIEND, unlike Henry and Chooch who watched from a distance as I got in line and then mouthed “KBYE” as they ran back to the L.

Paco kept making up The Weeknd-esque songs about standing in line, and I couldn’t stop laughing. This was so much better than standing alone!

“Haha, this was when I was trying to get a picture of the Aragon marquee and Paco threw his hand in front of my phone,” I giddily told Henry later, whose response was, “You’re so dumb.”

After about an hour of people-watching, the line started to move and we eventually got to move over to the line that got to enter the venue next. The staff had this line-formation down to a science, and it moved flawlessly. Props to those people for keeping shit organized and efficient unlike those LiveNation motherfuckers in Toronto. I’m not sure if these people were Aragon staff, KPOP ME staff, or what, but they are fucking good at their job and I wanted to tell them that when I saw them after the show, but I was caught up in a current of happy Taeyang fans high on Hanguel.

I lost Paco inside the doors when girls had to get in different lines for the dreaded pat down / bag check, so that was Sad Times. However, this just meant that I got to get lost in my own little world during the show, which is the best thing about going to shows alone, in my opinion. I don’t have to be Erin for a few hours and it’s a goddamn relief.

You know how it is.

I wish I hadn’t been in such a hurry to get to the stage area, because the lobby of the Aragon was stunning and I would have liked to take more pictures. At the end of the hallway, there were steps that went up and then split to the left and to the right, which then spilled out into the ballroom. It was so big! It had a vintage carnival feel to it, and the ceiling was painted like a galaxy.

This is 100% NOT MY PICTURE. I can’t find anyone to credit though, but I wanted to post it here to show how fantastic this venue is. I hope I can make it back there for more shows!

The way the venue was set up, the platinum VIPs were in the very first sliver of the floor, the behind that barricade were the P1 richies, and then behind the next and final barricade were us poor P2 peasants. However, by some stroke of fate, I was able to get second row behind the P2 barricade, off to the right (off to the right is my bread n’ butter concert spot, you guys; it’s the sweet spot for me). As it was with the G-Dragon show, the concert attendees were primarily Asian, and now that I have two kpop concerts under my belt, I feel that I can honestly say that these crowds were so much better than the crowds at most other concerts I go to. No pushing or shoving, just kindness all around.

I took this picture just to give Henry some perspective on where I was in the crowd.

Literally, I loved everyone around me! Especially the adorable girl to my left who took a phonecall before the show started and said something about being there alone, super shy and awkward, but then when the lights went down she was ALL LUNGS, my friends. That girl never stopped screaming and shouting the lyrics through the whole night and it was inspirational. I screamed right along with her because MOTHERFUCKING YOUNG BAE!!!!

Taeyang came out to the “White Night” intro and the frantic screaming around me nearly knocked me off balance. It was legit hysteria in the Aragon. I mean, have you seen Taeyang? He’s the total package. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

I lost track of the set list and couldn’t find one specifically from the Chicago show, but it seemed like it was pretty much the same for all US concerts, so here’s the one from San Jose:

1. “White Night”
2. “Ringa Linga”
3. “Body”
4. “Super Star”
5. “Wake Me Up”
6. “Only Look at Me”
7. “Wedding Dress”
8. “Amazin'”
9. “1AM”
10. “Naked”
11. “So Good”
12. “I Need A Girl”
13. “Empty Road”
14. “Ride”
15. “Tonight”
16. “Love You to Death”
17. “Last Dance”
18. “Darling”

Encore

1. “Break Down”
2. “Good Boy”
3. “Stay With Me”
4. “Bang Bang Bang”
5. “Fantastic Baby”
6. “Eyes, Nose, Lips”

He fell toward the end of “Ringa Linga” but bounced back right away because he’s a true entertainer. If that had been me, I would have lost my shit, tried to fire someone, and then stormed off stage.

Basically the same thing I do to Henry on a daily basis but instead of storming off a stage, I’m storming up the steps and slamming my bedroom door.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BZPuxbEBnc0/?taken-by=ohhonestlyconcerts

View this post on Instagram

^^My favorite song from White Night <3.

What I like about Taeyang is that it’s so obvious just by watching a few interviews or variety shows that he’s a nice guy. A genuinely nice guy. There is a reality show about the making of BIGBANG from 2005 (I think?), where YG Entertainment was auditioning boys to be in the band. Taeyang and G-Dragon were pretty much guaranteed to make it because they had been YG trainees for like, ever, and BIGBANG was essentially being built around them. Anyway, the one thing about Taeyang that has always stuck out to me is that whenever G-Dragon would get really tough on the other guys (because he’s such a perfectionist and came off as super bossy in that series), he would sometimes make them cry, and then it would be Taeyang who would come over to comfort them after GD had left the room.

I don’t think his caring nature is an act. He just comes across as very down to earth and I really wish I could have attended the send-off after the show because he apparently has been taking time to greet and talk to every single fan there, I can’t even believe it, how is he so wonderful!?

View this post on Instagram

^^^OMFG TAEYANG, JUST STOP. NO I’M KIDDING, DON’T EVER STOP!!

If only G-Dragon had surprise-sauntered on stage for this though.

At one point, Taeyang sat down behind a piano. I started to clench, because I was pretty sure I knew what was coming, and it was freaking “Last Dance.” This is the ONLY BIGBANG song that I skip over when it comes on, beautiful as it is, because it makes me so sad and I honestly can’t handle it. However, there was no “skip” button at this show so I had to stand there and endure it, but luckily everyone else was crying too.

View this post on Instagram

OMG OK so I know it’s not the same with the rest of BIGBANG there, but when Taeyang busted out “Bang Bang Bang” and “Fantastic Baby” during the encore, I thought we were all going to collectively begin squirting blood out of our mouths on account of the major throat-shredding this inspired! There is a really good chance I will never get to see BIGBANG live, so to be able to see Taeyang sing his parts and do the choreo that I have memorized from the millions of MV views, it was just so incredible and I WAS SO FUCKING PUMPED!!!!

I really thought the roof was going to crashing down around us, everyone was just going fucking nuts. How can anyone be immune to that?! I thought I was going to blow out blood vessels in my head!

The whole night had a very distinct, surreal veil draped over it. I was there, in the same room as Taeyang, an idol from across the world that I have watched in so many videos, wishing for the chance to be in the audience of one of this shows.  It was hard to believe that in the span of a little more than a month, I got to see two members of BIGBANG on their solo tours. To say I felt blessed is a huge understatement. I felt incredibly grateful, so much that it’s hard to even express without getting all cheesy and borderline Jesusy. Life is still so very far from perfect (sooooooo very), but this whole scene has really changed my attitude in some ways (not all, though — sorry Henry) and definitely added a ton of fun to my days. And it has taken me to Newark, Toronto, and Chicago just this summer alone! It has been so worth it and beyond memorable.

I will never forget this night.

Nearly a month has passed since I saw my oppa, my king, my ultimate bias G-Dragon. It took everything I had in me to write part 1 of this Act III: Motte series of blog posts because as trivial as it may seem (“It’s just a concert, tho” — amirite?), the feelings I experienced that night were outrageous. Over and over, all night long, all I kept thinking was how incredibly grateful I was to be there, and never did I imagine I would be so close!

The whole point of this world tour is for G-Dragon to try to separate his stage alias and his actual identity—Kwon Jiyong. The concert was divided into three acts: the first, being his early solo work; the next act focused on his second solo album; and the third act brought us to the present, current version of himself: his real self. Kwon Jiyong.

M.O.T.T.E. stands for “moment of truth, the end.” Does he mean this is the end of G-Dragon? I’m not exactly sure, but the night was emotionally-charged and full of candid moments.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BXRmfDrBaOc/?taken-by=ohhonestlyconcerts

After a long, dramatic introduction, G-Dragon appeared on an elevated stage and dove right into “Heartbreaker,” which was just loud enough to be heard over the fanatical screaming in the arena. Yes, we had just seen him during his soundcheck, but brother, nothing could have prepared me for this. His presence is fucking gigantic. How does he project so much, so far? BECAUSE HE IS A MAGICAL BEING SENT FROM ABOVE.

He did the running-dance thing that he does in the video and I legit swooned up all of my pent-up pre-teen notions of love and romance. Right there in the Air Canada Centre, years of diary pages and Scrunchies were practically wafting out of my mouth.

G-Dragon makes me feel like A GIRL AGAIN.

I don’t think my heart stopped fluttering once all night, even when I was also crying.

Because you know I also cried.

A lot.

Act 1 had these old school songs:

• Heartbreaker
• Breathe
• A Boy
• But I Love U
• Obsession

https://www.instagram.com/p/BXRm3VrBYvF/?taken-by=ohhonestlyconcerts

When I hear these old songs and watch the old videos, I feel so sad that I didn’t get to be around for that era of G-Dragon, the Heartbreaker-years, the bleached blond-phase. But watching him perform all of those old songs so close in front of me that night….wow. Words can’t describe.

I had all of these images going through my head during the months and weeks leading up to this concert, how I was going to react, how much I would scream, if Henry would have to pick me up from the ground…but the reality of it, what REALLY happened, was that I was stunned, straight-up speechless, immobile. I stood with my hands clutched beneath my chin and vacillated between crying and smiling. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him! HE IS THE CROWN JEWEL OF KOREA.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BYE_4Dvh8zP/?taken-by=ohhonestlyconcerts

The second act revolved around his next solo incarnation, which I would describe as being a little harsher, tougher, with more swagger.

• MichiGO
• One of a Kind
• R.O.D.
• That XX
• Black (English version, featuring Skye Ferriera. I really wish he would have stuck with the Korean version with Jenny from Blackpink, though)
• Missing You
• Who You?
• I Love It

The stage during Black was so cool and featuring some of his girl dancers suspended on swings behind clear plastic curtains. I really liked Act 2 a lot, and GD seemed to be more comfortable performing these songs, too.

View this post on Instagram

Before the show started, there was some mildly annoying white girl in front of us, making sure everyone knew she was the biggest BIGBANG fan there, etc. You know the type. But the one thing she said that I adamantly agreed with was, “If I show someone the Crayon video and they don’t like it, I wonder what exactly is wrong with them.”

YES THIS. That video is SO CLEVER, the song IS SO CLEVER, G-Dragon is SO CLEVER. Honestly, this guy is a creative powerhouse. Maybe that’s what most Westerners don’t realize: G-Dragon writes and produces his own stuff. He’s not just handed a song with a bow on it.

During Act 2, a video was played featuring GD’s friends and family responding to the question: Who Is G-Dragon/Kwon Jiyong to you? Admittedly, I had already seen this on one of the fan accounts I follow on Instagram, but I still cried like it was the first time hearing it. And I still think it’s curious that one of the BIGBANG members, Seungri, was not in the video.

Taeyang was though, of course, and his part made me cry almost as much as the cameos from GD’s parents. They must be so proud of him, I can’t even stand it.

View this post on Instagram

Did I mention that G-Dragon brings a live band on tour with him? Well, he does and they’re the perfect accompaniment for him. They add layers to his songs that elevate it to the next level. These guys aren’t just some amateurs off the street, you guys. I looked up the guitarist Justin Lyons because he looked familiar to me: he’s American and has been playing guitar for BIGBANG since 2012! So that’s why he looks familiar, because I’ve seen him on several live videos. G-Dragon had very genuine camaraderie with them too and that was one of my favorite things to watch, I addition to G-Dragon’s dancing and G-Dragon’s snarly expressions and G-Dragon’s sparkly clothes and G-Dragon G-Dragon G-Dragon…..

Huge shoutout to that backing band though.

Every time he came back on stage in new clothes, I thought, “HOW CAN HE KEEP LOOKING BETTER AND BETTER?” Only G-Dragon could pull off those looks. And that’s why he’s also a fashion icon in addition to being the biggest Kpop idol in the world.

I’m fascinated with him—and his parents. You don’t just learn how to captivate millions of people, you’re born with that magical ability. And I wonder, when did his parents first start noticing that he was more than just a basic human being. The whole Kpop industry in and of itself is interesting to explore and research, a total rabbit hole that you won’t want to climb out of, but G-Dragon is the most alluring out of it all. I could talk about him for hours, which is usually what happens at work until I check myself and put a cork in it before I get moved to a different floor…

…in a janitor’s closet.

But sometimes Lauren or Todd will casually ask me something kpop-related and the words are rushing and elbowing each other to escape my mouth like the doors to a Black Friday sale just opened at the Storytime Store.

Even for someone like Henry, whose heart isn’t nearly as invested in all of this, it was a spectacular event full of fire, confetti, amazing dancing, and G-Dragon being flawless and charismatic. One of my favorite parts was when he was alone on stage, just him and a microphone, talking to us in perfect English. It felt so personal! How does he do it!? Everyone started chanting “Kwon Jiyong” again and my heart blew up like a bloody balloon. Being surrounded by thousands of people who feel the same about him as I do was therapeutic, relieving, cathartic. It’s hard being alone in this back home! I took this all in, absorbed it, and felt validated in my balls-to-the-wall obsession. I can’t imagine having the restraint to just “casually” like him and judging by the people around me, being unrestrained is a real epidemic. :)

Every time he came to our side of the side, I cried. His eyes are so sparkly—how does he get them to sparkle in real life?!

The third act started with a video of G-Dragon’s monologue about what it’s like to be him, how he has been G-Dragon for so many years now that he’s beginning to forget who he really is. It was raw, unfiltered, and heartbreaking. I know for sure I wasn’t the only one crying when he was broadcasting his existential crisis for everyone to see. There was even a part when he says something about how everything expects that he must be living this grand life, he must be so happy with his success….but then he said, “Not so much lately.” I think that’s one of the things that has drawn me to him: he has many facets, and many different personalities. When I see him in candid videos with the rest of BIGBANG, he can be downright giddy. He looks happy and comfortable with his friends. When I see him on stage, he looks fierce, and my first impression of him was actually that he seemed mean, maybe egomaniacal. When I see him in pictures taken by paparazzi, he looks alone and sad.

He is an enigma.

Watching this confessional tore me up. I could relate to some of what he said—clearly not the fame part, but the feeling alone when from the outside, it doesn’t seem like I should feel that way. I could also relate a little bit to not always knowing who I am. I show different sides to different people and does anyone really even know the real me?

He said he wants to be Kwon Jiyong again, and asked us if we would be OK with that. Everyone started chanting “Kwon Jiyong” at that moment and it was beautiful and powerful and here come the tears again. I just want to hug him so hard and tell him he is loved. Try to imagine how isolated his life must be though, any celebrity really.

G-Dragon managed to create utter intimacy in an arena filled with like 20,000 people.

The third act started right as the video monologue ended with the words, “Do you even know who you are?” GD performed four songs from his 5-song mini-album, aptly titled “Kwon Jiyong.”

• Superstar
• Middle Fingers Up
• Bullshit
• Divina Commedia

Everyone went nuts for this act.

Let me tell you some things about “Kwon Jiyong” — it consists of five ultra-personal songs written by GD. It feels different than his past work — it’s more raw, intimate, honest. And it RULES. I preordered it a few months ago (duh) — it broke records all over Asia, made it to #1 on charts all over the world, and is essentially art. Ever the innovator, he eschewed the physical CD, bypassed the more common digital release, opting instead to package this new masterpiece on a USB.

It still comes in the jewel case like a CD, so you don’t have to worry about losing it. The USB stick in engraved with his name, birthday, and blood type (more important to Koreans than astrological signs) in his mother’s handwriting, and painted with a red ink to symbolize blood/birth. It’s ingenious, really. And once you have the USB, you have access to a website which is frequently updated with content so it’s like the gift that keeps on giving.

For instance, the new video for “Bullshit” was released last week on GD’s birthday, but only on the USB. It feels like being part of a secret club!

(Until someone inevitably puts it on YouTube, but hey—at least real fans got a few hours of feeling exclusive.)

The worst part about the third act is that it meant the show was coming to an end. No one wanted to say goodbye! When he left the stage before performing his huge single “Untitled (2014),” I knew he had to come back out for an encore. And when that encore only contained “Crooked” (and also “This Love” was playing while he introduced his band and singers, because he’s a true artist), I started to worry.

Of course, no one would leave after that. We knew there had to be more.

And just like that, his voice came booming out of the darkness, singing the opening line of “Untitled.” And when the screens turned on, we could see that he wasn’t on that stage—he was walking along through the photo pit, right next to the barricade! I had seen some videos of him doing this at some of the US shows and hoped he would do the same here, and there he was! He started on the left side and it quickly occurred to me that he was going to be right in front of me eventually—I felt like a woman on the edge, you guys. Totally unhinged, teetering on panic’s threshold, with full-blown shakes.

I’m not exaggerating—my legs were jiggling like Jello, every nerve in my body was electric, my face felt blanched. I thrust my phone at Henry and said, “HERE YOU DO THIS” because I was losing control of my motor skills and didn’t want to deal with capturing this Korean god on video. I just wanted to stand there and take it in with my own eyes. So I stood there, shaking violently, hands clasped under my chin, sobbing.

When he made it to our side, I couldn’t believe my luck. He was mere feet away from me. Right there, in person, this inspiring artist who helped me turn my life around without even knowing it—he was right there, with his perfect face and friendly smile, eyes sparkling, singing flawlessly into our crying faces.

If the girl behind me hadn’t been standing so close, I think I would have collapsed. No jokes here. My legs were weak and wobbly, friends. This was almost too much for me to handle and part of me wanted to bury my face in Henry’s side and shut out the whole world before I had a nervous breakdown.

View this post on Instagram

This video was viewed nearly 50,000 times in Instagram! I have never had a video viewed even a fraction of that before. That’s the power of Kwon Jiyong. <3

OMFG. I can’t handle it.

View this post on Instagram

I have a video of the whole song on YouTube but these are the best clips. Props to Henry for enduring all the girls pushing and shoving him. (To be honest though, this crowd was amazing and polite, I couldn’t believe it.)

And then he walked through a door on the side of the stage, the lights came on, and the staff started shouting for everyone to leave. Amazing, magical night. There are no other words in my vocabulary oeuvre right now, just amazing and magical. I will always associate those words with this night, forever. This was the best birthday of my whole life and I will never, ever forget it. I was absolutely on fire when we walked to the subway, talking a mile a minute while absorbing all of the beautiful Korean conversations taking place around me.

I know I must really love him because I’m not sore at ALL from all the standing we did. Usually my back hurts and I start to get antsy halfway through long concerts like that, but I didn’t feel any pain at all! I must have physically removed myself from my body that night in all the GD excitement. I told Henry all of this and asked him if he felt the same way.

“Nope. I’m in fucking pain,” he casually answered.

But he did admit that he enjoyed the show and felt it was 100% worth it. He might not worship the cherry blossoms GD walks beneath like I do, but he thinks GD is a great performer and will openly admit that to anyone who sneeringly asks him how awful the night was for him.

YOU GUYS THIS WAS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER. How will this ever be topped? Maybe if I get to see BIGBANG someday—IN SEOUL. ON MY BIRTHDAY.

A girl can dream.

***

When we came home from Toronto, Chris & Monica suggested that we go out for ice cream do they could hear about the show, and for the next full week at work, people were coming over to my desk and asking, “Well?? How was it?” That meant so much and made me feel so good to know that a lot of people seriously understood how giant this event was for me! I wish I could turn it into a pillow and relive the whole night every time I lay my head down.

Le sigh.