Chooch wanted to go out for a practice drive over the weekend but we were too busy. Then I remembered that I’m off this week so I told him I would take him after school on Monday BUT we would be driving to a photoshoot location. At first, he tried to resist. The older he gets, the more anti-photo he is, even when offered money! This especially backfired last year when he had a job and didn’t need MOMMY’S MONEY anymore, so I don’t have any “nice” portraits from sophomore year (don’t even get me started on his school pictures – THEY DO NOT COUNT, especially last year’s).

Turns out using my car as leverage actually does work, though!

We drove to my mom’s street (aka my old street too), parked at her house and walked around the lane. I was overcome with nostalgia and heartache and blurted out, “I REALLY MISS LIVING HERE” and Chooch was all, “OK but did I ask.”

Also, it sucks to see my Pappap’s house being ruined by whatever rich asshole bought it. Fuck that rich asshole.

What these pictures don’t tell you is that he is constantly groaning and saying, “Can we be done now? OMG you want me to walk ALL THE WAY TO THAT FENCE, IT’S SO FAR*! I’m hungry. This is boring. I hate this. I hate you.”

*(The fence was like two houses away from where we were standing when I said, “Go stand by that fence.”)

Then he made me ask my mom for snacks so little bitch baby got to go home with a box of Zebra Cakes.

“Stand here and squint into the sun.”

I miss Gillcrest Drive so much!

Also, Chooch better get a new job sooner rather than later because if he wants to get his license, he’s gonna have to fork over some money for INSURANCE WITH IS GOING TO GO THROUGH THE ROOF ONCE WE ADD HIM, WHAT A RACKET.

That’s all. I just missed using the “good” camera.

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Cemeteries in October are my favorite places…

…even when I’m a walking obstacle while Henry is teaching Chooch how to drive :0

This past weekend wasn’t particularly extraordinary for any specific reason but it was just NICE. And sometimes NICE is more than we can ever hope for, right?

I’m off all week for my annual Hallocation – I took it earlier this year because we’re going to Newark on Thursday – Friday for the NCT127 concert (literally can’t type that without feeling weak in the knees) so I figured I’d just declare this my week of October lovin’.

I don’t really have much else planned aside from reading, going on long walks, watching some horror shows/movies.

I thought about hitting up some friends with flexible schedules to get lunch/brunch but my haunted house fund is over here like “don’t feed yourself, feed me.”

Sigh.

Today, I went on two long-ass walks, read, watched an episode of Midnight Society, talked to squirrels, and took Chooch driving :/

Speaking of reading though, I’m like 90% done with Her Majesty’s Royal Coven and I am screaming. It is SO GOOD!! I checked it out of the library and then was like “why did I do that, I’m predisposed to hate books like this” (fantasy) but it is EVERYTHING I didn’t know I needed right now. Love it.

So on that note, I’mma peace out, curl up next to Drew, and get this book finished.

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Today is apparently National Haunted House Day so I guess it’s a good day to share some pictures of the haunts we’ve done so far this season!

Last week, we went to Haunted Hollow on Friday, and Infernum In Terra on Sunday, the latter of which has solidified itself in my short list of faves now that I’ve had two amazing experiences there in a row! Here are some pictures, first from Haunted Hollow:

I mean, he had the option to stay home but he CHOSE this.

I’m excited that it’s flannel and beanie weather – my favorite Henry OOTD!

This Beetlejuice did a great job projecting his namesake’s sleaziness, that’s for sure. I have never been called sweetheart and touched so much by one stranger in…well, it’s happened before but it’s been a while, lol. This place was OK. It’s a walk-thru, a non-scary hayride (it’s basically just a mode of transportation to get you to the outdoor section), a trail, and a very small corn maze. We had fun but I wouldn’t be pushing people out of the way to get back in line, if you know what I mean.

I didn’t realize until later that Chooch was using an ear of corn (given to him by a scare actor in the maze as a prop), lol. It’s actually still sitting on our kitchen counter.

The next one is 100% worth the drive to WV (not that far from us, actually):

Look, one day one of our descendants will be thankful for all these dumb selfies. MAYBE.

I wonder what selfies will be like in the future…

They had a really long debate about how to scale a barbed wire fence, how tall the ladder would need to be, the probability of breaking bones upon landing – it was all very boring for me. I need to make some friends.

But yeah, all the details are in my HAUNTED HOUSE JOURNAL as usual but this one is incredible. When it comes to my style of haunted houses, I’m all about the cozy October feels, the 90s nostalgia, the perfect blend of giddiness and fear and this one checks all the boxes. It reminds me of the ones that used to be a dime a dozen around Pittsburgh in the 90s – at the YMCA, firehalls, abandoned schools.

I’m not trying to say this is hokey or cheesy – just that they put more emphasis on the scare actors (they all seem like high school students) than some fancy Hollywood set design with no one in the room to scare you.

I loved it! The highlight was when I couldn’t bend down to walk through a corridor/tunnel that had one of those damn black inflatable things lining the top, so I dramatically fell to my knees while screaming, “MY BACK HURTS I CAN’T DO THIS” only to be face-to-face with a “dead girl” on the other side who broke character and laughed at me.

Then last night, we went to Crawford School of Terror!

We’ve been going to this one since it first debuted onto the scene several years ago (I think we missed one season) and I can honestly say that this one gets better and better without selling out (well, it’s definitely seen a bit of a price inflation since the early years, though, I’ll tell you that much!).

It used to be $15, according to my haunted house journal! And last year it was $20! It’s hard for me to say if *any* haunted attraction is worth this much but I will tell you that I walked out of there not fussing about the admission price at all because it was SO FUCKING GOOD.

Henry waited outside since it was more expensive this year and we have our Newark (ughughugh) trip in a few days. Thank god one of us is economically conscious. But really, when you’re a family who is really into haunted houses and tries to go to as many as possible every season, it gets extremely expensive. We’re not poor BUT WE AIN’T RICH either.

You guys. This was the first one is A WHILE that had me so scared at one point that my heart was galloping, and I actually walked through the last portion of the three-level school with my hand clamped firmly over my chest, chanting, “OMG OMG OMG.” Lol. I’ll just tell you that there was a hide and seek portion. And there was a song playing. And there were no lights. And, that song. OMG that song. :/

You know they did it right when we came out and Chooch strode right over to Henry and started telling him stuff about it. You know, Mr. “IDK I Guess Mmm”? He actually had a lengthy verbal review!

This is another great example of a place that stacks their haunt with kids (mostly kids, some adults) who put their whole-ass heart into it. And the rooms are decorated SO WONDERFULLY! I don’t think there was a single room that didn’t have a scare actor in it, nor was there a single room where I didn’t scream my face off. I love this place SO MUCH and was so amped on the way home that I actually declared that I would consider going back there again – IN THE SAME HAUNT SEASON. That almost *never* happens unless it’s Castle Blood!

Fuck all those commercial cash-grab haunts that pay for the “Scariest in America!” title. I’m done with Hundred Acres Manor, been done with Scare House (save for last year when I had a temporary lapse in judgment), and I’m even over Demon House because while at least there is a Groupon for this every year so it’s not that expensive, it just doesn’t live up to the hype or its potential. They have such a great space and what they *do* have set up inside the house is cool, but then it just gets really boring/lame/anti-climactic. Like, there’s an entire clown portion that never gets updated and it is sooooo dumb. But I do like their ticketing system where they give you a group number so you can roam around, get food, watch a horror movie in the outdoors theater, sit by a fire, and wait for your group number to be called.

So much better than waiting in a fucking line. I HATE LINES. I mean, who loves them? Find a line-lover, and there’s the real monster right there.

Well, this is getting rambly and Henry has some chores that I need to supervise. I will be back with more haunted check-ins later on in the month!

 

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Hi. Let’s get it.

1. Chooch: Driving my car and driving me crazy.

After Chooch turned 16, I thought he would be hounding us to drive but, aside from casually pissng around with the online permit practice test while standing in line for roller coasters, he kind of just dropped it. Something happened at the pie party though, maybe SOMEONE ASKED HIM IF HE HAD HIS LICENSE YET, because he started pressuring us bigly to teach him to drive. I couldn’t take it anymore, so last Saturday I screamed, “CLEAN YOUR ROOM AND THEN WE’LL SEE.” Then I forgot to actually check to see if any cleaning was done, lol, but I took him to Jefferson Memorial for some “bad weather” driving practice. He said he needs 5 hours experience of driving in bad weather, so I guess tooling around the cemetery, dodging squirrels in the rain, counts.

He actually did OK, although my right foot was cramping from all the times I practically standing up in the passenger seat to stomp on the imaginary brake. I’m sure Henry was a nervous wreck  – we left him at home because he had chores to do – because he is A PROFESSIONAL DRIVER and probably felt like I stole something from him by taking Chooch without him.

It’s kind of cool though because this is where I learned how to drive too – my friend Lisa taught me in her family’s Jeep.  My parents refused to take any part in this process because I was a “bad seed” and could not “be trusted” so I actually didn’t even get my license until about a month before I turned 19 and again, it was my friend Lisa who took me to the DMV in Uniontown to take my test – twice, lol. I liked that this is where Chooch is learning how to drive now too, ALMOST 30 YEARS LATER, ugh.

So he was all ready to go and take his permit test but Idiot Henry can’t find where he put Chooch’s social security card, so he had to go and request a new one on Monday. I had to laugh (HA HA) because when the guy at the social security office looked up Chooch’s info, HENRY WASN’T LISTED AS HIS DAD LOLOLOL. The guy was like, “Oh, that’s usually what happens when the parents are married” and instead of giving Henry a hard time about, somehow let the request go through.

But yeah GOOD JOB NOT MARRYING YOUR SON’S MOTHER, ASSHOLE.

Anyway, every day this week, Chooch has stormed into the house after school, barking, “DID MY SS CARD COME YET” in lieu of the HELLO that I deserve. It actually came today, which surprised me because that was less than a week! So now Chooch thinks he’s going to the DMV after school but his fate rests in Henry’s hands, as usual. We’ll see if Henry gets home from work in time, or if he will remain on Chooch’s shit list.

2. HATER HATER TALK TALK

I got a surprise shirt in the mail yesterday! Henry and Chooch immediately confirmed that they don’t care enough about me for it to have been from them, so I asked Instagram and I should have known it was my NCT bestie, Veronica!! We have been going ham lately over this NCT127 tour. She just went to the LA date last night and I watched some of her Instavids (trying to avoid it though because I want the setlist to be a surprise!) and immediately started sobbing. I haven’t been this stoked for a concert since probably the last time I saw the Cure!!

I don’t have a lot of friends with common interests so when I do get one, I cling tightly!

3. 28 Reasons Why I Love this Song

OK I’m not actually listing 28 reasons because I’m too distracted as usual but Seulgi’s solo debut is more than I ever could have wanted. The way this song and her beastly choreo give off stong Taemin vibes to me….This has been in my head ever since it came out the other day. (She’s, IMO, the best part of Red Velvet and I’m so glad she finally got her own solo!)

4. Red Jeans

I dunno what made me think about it, other than the fact that I was going through old pictures from when I was in high school, but I started thinking of my signature scent back in the day – Versace Red Jeans. I thought that it had been retired, but when I googled it, I found it on Amazon! I added it to the cart just for funsies and then it arrived a few days later because Henry saw it and actually experienced of moment of goodwill, and contrary to what was previously stated in #2 of today’s Friday Five, actually bought it for me.

OMG that first spritz TOOK ME BAAAAACK TO…..

5. This one October night in 1997

I’m always inspired to look back through old haunted house journals this time of the year and this one night in particular remains one of the best haunted house hopping nights of my life. It was me, Lisa, Angie, Angie’s bf-at-the-time Mike, Lisa’s little Youth Group friend Darren, and a family friend of Lisa’s – Bill. I just remember going all over the place in Lisa’s minivan (not the van that I learned how to drive in!) and then my Psycho Mike ( :/ ) meeting us later at Home Cookin’.

Fun fact about Darren (middle): He grew up to be the screamer in a successful Christian metal band!

Ugh Psycho Mike. I have a vivid recollection of him extremely dick-ish this night because he hated Lisa (for no other reason than she was my friend and he wanted nothing more than to isolate me from everything and everyone, you know, classic abuser behavior). Somehow, we ended up hanging out in my grandparent’s yard (their yard was huge so no one even knew we were there) until like 3am, completely sober but using our natural reserves to act like complete giddy morons.

This was when I was at the height of my Jacki Sorenson aerobic obsession and would use every opportunity to break out into one of the many routines I had memorized.

And then I apparently hurt myself in doing so, lol.

These pictures are also making me remember that I had to wear my hair in a ponytail every day around this time because I was in the process of growing out a REALLY BAD HAIR CUT. OK here’s what happened: I was with Lisa and our friend Kim. Kim had (probably still does) extremely long and straight hair. Like, LONG. We were in Century Square (probably to go to PHAR-MOR which I hated but Lisa and Kim always wanted to go there ugh) when Kim decided to stop into Fantastic Sam’s to get her hair trimmed. Now, a place like that isn’t going to fuck up a trim when the hair is long and straight so good for Kim. But something made me, the queen of layers (back then: THE RACHEL GREEN), decide to also get a hair cut.

Oh, chingu, the way they slaughtered my layers. It was a hot mess, before people were saying “hot mess.”

You can bet I had the delicious notes of Red Jean wafting in my wake on both of these occasions: fun night and bad haircut day. (I had to pause and sniff my wrist just now. Yessss. 90s Erin is BACK!)

OK, signing off. Henry just texted me and said that Chooch passed his permit test so I guess this weekend will be full of “CAN YOU LET ME DRIVE NOW??” begging. Pray for us.

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Yo, let’s spend this entire post talking about the decorations and people who came to eat pie and whatever else I decide is worth being chronicled. I’m admittedly still recovering from this day. It was a lot of socializing but it also kind of invigorated me in a way, too, and made me remember how much I love(d) having get togethers. Now I want to have a Christmas gathering at my house! Possibly! I think so!

First of all, I want to say that when we decided to bring back this “event” back in June, my plans were bigly. Oh, I was going to buy all new decorations! I was going to have games for the CHILDREN! I was going to have disposable cameras on all of the tables because that is something people sometimes do at wedding receptions and this is the closes to THAT I’ll ever get!

But then — roadtrips and rollercoasters, man. All summer long. A bitch had no room in her heart or mind to be caring about pie decor. I mean, we still had some stuff left from previous years, but things like the giant sequined PIE PARTY sign and the rustic burlap tablecloths have seen better days, son. Most of our DIY pie pedestals were still intact (though one broke AT THE PIE PARTY before I even had a chance to put it on the table) but man…I just really shit the bed with the aesthetics this time around.

I didn’t even have centerpieces!!!! Usually I have dumb fake flowers in autumnal colors sticking out of rando’ glass bottles from my idiot beverage collection.

One thing I did do that was new was create a stupid photo backdrop. It occurred to me on the way home from Party City that the backdrop I bought was DEFINITELY created with “gender” reveals in mind. But you know what? Fuck that antiquated bullshit! Pies can be pink and blue too. I mean, those are the first colors I think of when I think of…crust.

Corey, bless his heart, arrived early to help me decorate. I feel like every time I have a pie party, someone always asks if they can help and I’m like “Yeah come early and help me set up please” and then they come like 90 minutes into the damn thing. But Corey was reliable! And also, tall. Which is what I needed when it came to hanging shit.

I was SO PISSED when I opened the package for this damn baby shower fringe because it was in NINE PIECES. Corey and I spent approx. 2 minutes trying to figure out how to hang it before giving up and phoning a friend (aka Henry).

I dunno, I think it turned out OK in the end after Henry MacGyver’d it with twine and a SWITCHBLADE.

OK it wasn’t a switchblade, actually. Just a boxcutter I think. But then he left it open on one of the tables and people were starting to arrive so Corey and I were like WE HAVE TO CLOSE THIS BEFORE SOMEONE GETS HURT (that’s what you get for bringing a pie to a box-knife fight, etc etc etc). Then we were too scared (OK I was too scared and Corey just couldn’t figure out how to close it) so we had to call Henry over again to bail us out.

Did I mention that Margie and her daughter Jordan were the first guest to arrive and got to witness Corey and me, the Super Sibs, practically wrapping ourselves in twine while trying to hang decorations? Hope you enjoyed the show, Margie and Jordan!

I took the above picture with The Good Camera as a test shot and it came out fine but I didn’t feel like fucking around with lighting and settings once people arrived so I ended up just using my phone for the pie party people shots. :/

Test photo with the iPhone. It was fine!

I totally forgot that I made these “Eat Pie” buntings two pie parties ago and they haven’t gotten any easier to read. I made 3 of them for some reason?? OK Erin, calm down.

OK, I failed to get pictures of every single pie partyer in front of the dumb baby shower-y backdrop, but here are the ones I did take, starting with the Sibs: me, Amy, and Corey:

Amy’s husband Dick was also in attendance but he is the one taking this lovely photo!

Random fact of the day: I was adamant on having environmentally-friendly plates and forks, but Henry bought the smallest plates ever and people were legit outraged over this.

“They are literally dessert plates!” Henry cried defensively.

“YEAH BUT THIS IS A FUCKING PIE PARTY, WE NEED LARGE PLATES LIKE FOR A BUFFET!” I screamed back. Luckily, he had also thrown a pack of larger Dixie paper plates in the car in case we ran out of the others, so everyone just went straight for those ones. Whatever.

My work frenemy Glenn (not pictured: his wife and daughter, Amanda and Eve) and Chris, one of my oldest pals! We’ve known each other since kindergarten. Chris is the purveyor of a wonderful local honey company called Sonny Rose Ranch so if you’re in Pgh and need some honey, look for his products around town! He also makes an excellent hot honey, FYI! Anyway, Glenn and Chris know each other because they worked together at Macy’s a long time ago! Glenn tried to tell Chris that I’m the office bully but Chris did not believe him for a SECOND because he knows me to be the SWEETEST GIRL EVER.

Fun Fact of the Day #2: Henry had changed out of his “nice” shirt while he was loading everything into the car and then forgot to change back into it so instead of wearing a non-descript gray shirt to the pie party, he wore a gray shirt with the EVERFRESH JUICE LOGO on it and I was really angry about this even though no one comes to any of my events expecting Henry to be wearing a nice polo shirt and boat shoes.

Nate and Lori!!

More pie decor that I forgot about. Corey was super smitten with this one for some reason.

Fun Fact of the Day #3: The day after the pie party, Margie Jabbered me at work and thanked me, Henry and COREY for hosting such a lovely event. I texted Corey and to tell him he had somehow been promoted in people’s minds to cohost and he admitted that at one point during the day, after he had greeted the umpteenth person and taken their pie for them, he thought to himself, “Wait, what am I doing?” LOL!

Corey is a natural people-person. Hit him up if you want to buy a house and also walk away with like 87 inside jokes in the process!

Eric and Megan! They were on the tail end of action-packed wedding festivities for Megan’s brother, so the fact that they even showed up let alone were able to engage in conversations was amazing. Megan did look like she was falling asleep while holding a pie plate at one point though, don’t blame her!

Gayle and Jeffrey! Gayle brought one of Jeffrey’s photos of Pittsburgh to raffle off. I was the lucky bitch who got to pull the ticket from the can (actually we used the empty box that the Panda snacks came in lol) and it was Lauren! Congrats, Lauren!

Fun Fact #4 of the day: Gayle is actually the reason why the pie party was resurrected. She had texted me last spring and was like PLEASE CONSIDER and I was like OK I AM CONSIDERING and well, THE REST IS HISTORY.

So they say.

God, I hadn’t seen Gayle in quite some time so it was nice to see her familiar, friendly face, now framed by multi-colored fringe!

Henry and Wonka, talking about electrical / computer / welding stuff probably. It looks like there is no one there but before you get all hater hater talk talk, please note that this was in the final hour of the pie party after most of the pie eaters left and the last wave rolled in.

Lucas came with his daughter! Aside from several late shift happy hours back in the day when I actually went out after work, I don’t think I have ever actually seen Lucas at a non-work social event!? He casually mentioned at, well, CASUAL LUNCH the week before that he was coming with his daughter and I almost died. It took a decade, but I think a lot of work friends finally started to understand that the pie party was a real event and not some weird seance in the woods that I was luring people to.

Fun fact #5 (?) of the day: I think I only cut one slice of pie on my own all day and relied heavily on others for the rest. Here is Henry cutting a piece of the beastly big boy pie that came courtesy of Kara’s husband Chris.

Chooch being a test subject for the PIE BACKDROP before the party started. I needed to make sure my dumb phone was going to take ok pictures, etc. I barely saw him all day, as usual. This time, he called his friend Zakk right before the party started, but after we were already at the pavilion, and made him take the T to South Park and then was going to make him walk the 45 minutes to the pavilion. “Or I can send a random person to get you,” I overheard him saying, so I was like OMG just tell your dad to go get him!

Basically, Zakk is to Chooch as Janna is to me.

MARGIE refused to have an OFFISH PIE PARTY PIC taken so the only photographical evidence I have of her and her daughter’s attendance is this one, and also the back of Wendy who was there with her daughter Summer but left before I started forcing people to pose for me.

Fun fact #6 of the day: Wendy actually was supposed to only stay for like 30 minutes because she had to go all  the way back home for Summer’s soccer game later that afternoon and she lives pretty far away and also her husband Shawn is the coach, but she ended up staying for well over an hour and I heard her tell at least 6 people, “I have to leave now” only to find her talking to someone else 15 minutes later.

This is so VERY VERY WENDY, and if you don’t know her, now it’s basically like you do!

Me & Debby I.!

Fun Fact #7 of the day: I babysit those children sometimes. They kept trying to get me to play with them and I was like, “I can’t right now, I’m playing with *my* friends!” HAHAHAHA. I truly don’t think that they realize I’m an adult. I said this to Henry tonight after another babysitting shift and he said, “No one really does.”

Kara and Theo! It’s been so long since I’ve seen either of them that Theo didn’t even remember me :( Kara wasn’t able to make it to the last Pie Party in 2017 and I think it was the first time she ever missed one and it was really sad, so I was stoked that she could make it to this one, but unstoked that I barely had a chance to talk to her. I literally cannot function at social things. Every time I try to flashback and hover on the ceiling of the pavilion to spy on myself, I feel like I was a blubbering mess the whole day. WHAT DID I EVEN SAY TO PEOPLE?? I can’t remember! I just made grunts and whinnies, I think.

The Robbins Gang, plus Haley’s mom, and Blake’s friend Artie and his son Asher.

Fun Fact #8 of the day: Artie was at the very first pie party in 2010! I had no idea who he was, but he arrived early with Blake and proceeded to climb into the rafters of the pavilion roof and throw pennies at me while I was trying to set up. That was legit my first memory of him. Now he’s an adult with a kid and he works with Henry! He’s Henry’s work son!

Also, Haley’s mom is motherfucking goals. LOOK AT HER! Sometimes, I actually mistake her for Haley, she is so ageless.

I love this photo of Corey cutting me a piece of the Earl Grey pie! I wish I had used my “good camera” more that day, ugh. Anyway, this picture is hilarious to me because when Corey was younger (like 13 or 14?), we went to a murder mystery dinner and Henry had to cut his pork chops. Now we’ve come full circle-ish!

YOU GUYS Todd actually showed up! After trolling me year and year after when I invited him to the pie party, this time he finally showed up! I think he genuinely misses his old team! Here I am with my frenemy GLENN, Nate, Lauren, and Todd!

I’m posting two versions because I love that Nate is laughing so hard in this one! Man, we were a great team. SIGH. ALSO I JUST REALIZED THAT NATE IS WEARING CROCS. This was a really huge and important discussion we had a few mths ago in our group chat at work where Nate was like, “I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO BUY CROCS BECAUSE OF THE SUMMER ACTIVITIES I WILL BE DOING WITH MY NIECE AND NEPHEW BUT I’M SCARED” and some of us were like DO NOT but as you can see, he crossed over to the Croc side. It’s fine. Nate is the type of person who can wear Crocs without letting them define him.

I think.

No, he is. It’s cool.

They’re not as cool as my Vans though.

Here’s Nate talking to Margie probably about his Crocs.

We collected more people! In this one, we added Gayle who used to be part of our work group, and Rachel, who used to be the supervisor of our group. Henry was getting tired of taking these pictures, I think. LOL oh well.

OMG OMG OMG along with Todd, the other surprise guest of the day was Aaron and his twins!! Aaron has also trolled me for years: “Oh yeah, SURE I’ll come to the ‘pie party’ tro lolololol.” This time, he said nothing when I sent out the invite on Insta and at work. So I was really surprised when I turned around at one point that day and he was there!

And he admitted the next day that it was actually fun!

Ethan and his girlfriend! I was so happy they came out for this! Ethan is like me in some ways and is very much like “Aw that’s cute that you thought to invite me to this thing that I was most definitely not be attending” but he ended up coming! I think maybe it was also because I was giving Sandy her GOODBYE gift (she left The Law Firm last June, still very sad about this) that day and it involved him.

(I made another one of the annoying Paint Gem pictures, with Ethan’s face as the focal point. I would post it here but it is several layers of inside jokes and I’m actually only on the sidelines of said jokes so you would really probably not give a shit at all, blog reader.)

Nate, Lauren, and Lori!

Jack, Jill, and Regina came later in the day!

Fun fact #9 of the day: Chooch’s interest in driving had a revival on this day for some reason and he started taking the practice permit test on his phone again. Regina and Rachel were SUPER INTO this and shouting out their guesses.

Jess and Wonka! They GOT MARRIED since the last time I saw them! I made some snide comment while Henry was in ear shot about how we are still just UNMARRIED and Jess tried to make me feel better by saying that nothing really changes by getting married, and then asked, “Do you even really want to get married?” and before I had a chance to answer, Wonka said, “Oh yeah. She does.”

EVERYONE KNOWS THIS BUT HENRY, SOMEHOW.

Fun fact of the day #10: I met Wonka in a local Pgh chatroom in 1999 and we are still friends somehow even though he is a Major Smart and I am le dumz0rz.

Sandy and Zoe! Not pictured: Ben and Elena because I think they had already started walking to the car when I screamed SANDY WAIT, lol.

Fun fact of the day #11: The first pie party is actually how Sandy and I went from co-workers to actual friends. She had heard some people talking about going to the pie party and she came to my desk and said, “I want to come to the pie party too” so we became Facebook friends and I sent her the Facebook event and the rest is history! I remember super vividly that she came straight from a flag football game and was still wearing a bandanna in her hair! She hated coming to South Park then, and she still hates it now, as the first thing she said to me that day was, “I hate driving to South Park SO MUCH.”

Fun Fact of the day #12: In Pittsburgh, depending on what side of The River you live on, you hate crossing the river to go anywhere on the other side. Sandy lives in the North Hills and has to come to the DREADED SOUTH HILLS for the pie party every time, so this is a testament of how great the pie party is, that she religiously chooses the anguish of crossing The River to come out for it!

Michele and her baby Mina! Not pictured: Michele’s husband and two other kids, and her visiting sister and her kids. Michele had actually emailed me a few days before the party and said that her sister was visiting from NY and asked if she could bring the whole crew, and I was like YES PLZ because at this time I was sincerely worried that barely anyone was going to show up!

Everyone is always welcome at the pie party!

Amber and Ellie! OMG this was my first time meeting Ellie and her laugh was CONTAGIOUS! I kept hearing it in the background and it was making me so happy!

Sadly, Amber left before Todd got there :(

Me, Janna, and Ivy!

Fun fact of the day #13: While Janna was peeing in the PORTAPOTTY, she had Kara holding Ivy’s leash. I guess Lily, Henry’s granddaughter, was riling Ivy up, because Ivy jumped and she and Lily bumped heads. Lili start crying hysterically, and everyone stopped and stared, and I happened to be standing right in the epicenter of it so I had to pretend like I was also concerned but honestly I had no idea what was going on. Kara kept saying really loud, “WHERE IS YOUR MOM, DOG?” and it was hilarious because the “between the lines” of that was, “THIS IS NOT MY DOG, I WAS JUST ASKED TO HOLD HER, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE.”

It ended up being fine though. Blake and Haley were totally unbothered by it because it was obvious that Ivy didn’t actually bite her – there were no marks on Lily’s face – and that’s when it was determined that they probably just bumped faces. Honestly, the scariest part to me was Kara screaming when it happened, lol!

Also not pictured: two of Janna’s friends who came toward the end of the day! Kelly and Jen, I believe.

Fun Fact of the Day #14: This was the first time ever that Chooch drove, and I thought Margie was kidding when she said, “Why is your kid getting into the driver’s side of your car, Erin?” and I was like, “Oh ho ho he must just be effing around” and then HENRY GOT IN THE PASSENGER SIDE? He just let him drive around the parking lot a little bit, but it was scary, watching my car lurch forward, poor Jinki. :(

Yeah, more on that later, lol.

Overall, it was a really successful pie party! Hopefully we’ll do this again next year so those who couldn’t be there this time can hopefully make it next time – PIE OR DIE, YO!!

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Chooch informed me that today is Penelope and Drew’s 7th birthday! In case you were unaware, they are legit sisters from the same litter and we adopted them together in 2016 when they were several mths old. I do vaguely remember Sandy (who adopted their brother) telling me that their birthdate was October of 2015 but I am a terrible lady and forgot the actual day. Thank god for Chooch!

It’s kind of interesting because they usually just stay away from each other but today they were sitting on their tower at the same time and they’ve been “playing” together most of the evening almost like they’re celebrating?? By playing, I mean chasing and attacking each other though, so…

Anyway, I can’t believe they’re 7!! It seems like yesterday when we told Chooch we were taking him to his new foster home because we couldn’t afford to take care of him anymore but really we were taking him to Sandy’s friend’s parent’s house to choose a kitten to take home after living a year in a catless house after Marcy’s death and then we came home with two* which Henry said he was fully prepared for and had been bracing himself for it.

*(we actually only came home with Drew that night; I knew based on a photo that I also wanted Penelope but they couldn’t catch her that night so she was brought to our house several days later, long enough for Drew to think she had become the alpha lol.)

But yeah look how surly they look in that picture haha.

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It is COZY TOWN up in here these days and I’m alright with that even though I do really miss wearing shorts everyday. I’m not opposed to the shorts-n-hoodie look but it’s just a bit too nippy for my wussy legs to handle the exposure. As it is, I’ve been walking around the house with a throw wrapped around me like a toga, trying not to think about how it’s only going to get worse.

Anyway, it’s Monday and I’m feeling free-flowy, so let’s just talk about things that have been going on, etc. etc. tra la la la.

Such as, my new drawer pull! OK back up. So when we re-did the kitchen, we got this counter thingie from IKEA. Because it’s IKEA, it didn’t come with cabinet knobs or a drawer pull for the middle drawer. We took care of the cabinet knobs quickly by using the same style we used on our wall cabinets, adding pictures of Michael Jackson, Boy George, and Rick Astley to them, because of course.

But that motherfucking drawer. I knew I wanted to use something ridiculous as a drawer pull, and I kept looking on eBay for various 1980s relics. Nothing felt right though so we had to live with opening a cabinet first in order to pull open the drawer. Chooch flipped his shit a few weeks ago. “I’M SO SICK OF THIS DRAWER WHY CAN’T ANYTHING IN THIS HOUSE BE NORMAL” so I sidled up next to him and said, “I’m so glad you brought this up, Sonny Boy, because look what MOTHER just purchased on eBay!” and then I showed him this BANGIN’ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Burger King kids meal toy.

“I don’t know what that is,” he mumbled, brushing past me to return to his lair.

Henry attached it to the drawer the other day and  I am so satisfied with it and my chintzy-ass fucking house that I don’t own. (LOL OK fine that’s a lie, I am decidedly not satisfied with this house as a whole, that’s for sure.)

I had dinner with Marlene, Megan, and Debby the other night at Bonfire, which I had never been to before and was pleasantly surprised when I walked in and was greeted by Chooch’s old piano teacher, Cheryl! I had a really nice chat with her, and was finally able to address the elephant in the room: her name change, which Chooch had randomly told me about years ago but I was never sure if he was trolling me or not, so as she was walking me over to my reserved table, I blurted out, “So I’ve been meaning to ask you, DID YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME TO LAVENDAR?” and when she confirmed, I said, “OK I wasn’t sure if I could trust my kid or not, so I’m sorry that I have been still calling you Cheryl for 80 years,” and for some reason she thought the “80 years” part was really funny so I think I’m forgiven.

Then I got to introduce her to my crazy work pals once they arrived. I miss the days of Chooch’s piano lessons, but I’m glad she’s back in Pittsburgh!

Anyway, she wasn’t our server though – we had someone named Amanda and I had a mild crush on her because she was very no-nonsense and firm with us which appealed to me. I like to be verbally rough-housed in restaurants sometimes. I mean, THERE’S A TIME AND A PLACE, etc.

It literally took us an hour to order, so I’m sure Amanda was motherfuckering us up and down in the kitchen. I had the mushroom and kale flatbread and let me just say that I have never actually had a flatbread that I felt writing home about but if I had a pen and paper and a stamp and envelope with me, this would have been the one. It was actually so wonderful that I am still thinking about it a little and wish that I hadn’t let Henry have my leftovers as payment for dropping me off and picking me up although it’s a good thing because I had too much to drink and actually had the spins that night :/

It was nice getting to witness Debby and Marlene’s sibling-esque banter again though! They both retired in 2021 and are living their best lives now. I took over some of the stuff that Debby was responsible for and let me just tell you, I am, on my best days, the dime store Debby knock-off. And on my worst days, aka today, I’m barely a Goodwill bin Debby. Sigh.

On my bill, I scribbled, YOU ARE SO AWESOME AMANDA in the scrawl of a town wino, and I wonder if she could pick up on THE FLIRTY UNDERTONES.

(Did I mention that the cheese on my flatbread was like FONDUE? Holy shit.)

Drew, chillin’ with Buddy. Everything was fine until I said, “Drew, do you wanna let Buddy in the house and you can share your toys with him?

Speaking of Buddy, Girl Buddy was visiting the other day and I had my hand out with walnOOts in it and before I had a chance to hand her one, she came over and, in an attempt to help herself from serving platter of a palm, she BIT MY FINGER. Well, “bit” is hyperbolic. But my fingertip went into her mouth! We made eye contact immediately and it was as if she realized what she was doing, that my fingertip was not FUDZ (that’s their word that they share with the cats for “food,”) and she released me with no damage done. Henry was like a fountain of frowns though.

I got this Suspiria shirt recently and it’s perfect to wear to haunted houses <3 Suzy Bannion forever. (I used to always spell her last name as Banyan and truthfully, I like that so much better, but whatever. It’s not *my* movie.)

We also worked on the new carouselfie wall this weekend. I decided months ago that I lowkey hated the first version of it. I hated the wall color and those stupid flowers were so, well, stupid.  I bounced around several different ideas but then you know what? I went with my old tried and true: stripes. I fucking love a striped accent wall. Yeah, we have a lot of them in this piece, but oh well! (OK really only five, that’s not THAT many.)

I picked two colors at Home Depot almost immediately and then as Henry was taping off the wall later that day, he realized that my project had very quickly become “his” project. “It’s because you’re so good at painting stripes, sweetheart,” I mumbled while watching NCT content, probably.

Then I was like, “Oh and btw, now ‘we’ need to repaint the picture frames too.” LOL. I’m sorry, but now that the wall was changed to pink and green, the frames clashed! I chose solid white and he was actually happy about that. Like, when do I ever choose white for anything?? But in this case, I think it was the best bet, YOU KNOW?

The final touch was a strip of pink neon. We’re not done hanging frames yet, but you get the picture! The best part is that now that they’re spaced closer together, there’s room for more. And you know I have a lot of carouselfies planned for next year!

I like having themed areas, I dunno. Organized chaos, and all that.

In non-NCT127 KPOP news, I am beyond stoked that EXID is back!! I thought that they had disbanded for some reason but then they came out of nowhere with this banger and I am so pleased. They will always remind me of my early days in the KPOP scene, and Hani is one of my all-time favorite girl idols. I love her so much. And I just saw in the comments that they funded this comeback themselves?! Literal queens.

Well, that’s about all I had on my mind so I will see my way out now.

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After a five year hiatus, I was finally worn enough by some fanatical pie-eaters and agreed to bring back the BELOVED PIE PARTY. The last one we had was in 2017 and was just really disappointing – we had a very shitty turn out and I 100% blame the fact that I left Facebook and you know, out of sight, out of mind. My invitation just didn’t have the reach that it did in years past when I was creating stupid Facebook Events for it.

This time, I posted about it on Instagram, personally texted people who aren’t on Insta, and sent a group email at work. In the beginning, my “interest check” on Insta seemed to really kick up a lot of excitement but I would say only about 1/3 of the people who said they were coming actually showed up. Somehow, even though the weather forecast was showing all day rain and storms, we had a really great turnout! I haven’t done an official headcount yet, but I want to say there were about 50 people overall. Of course, this was over the span of 6 hours. I didn’t have high expectations for this, so I was actually pleasantly pleased at the turnout, and there were some surprise appearances too!

And guess what, you guys? The weather was actually DELIGHTFUL. There was a very small window toward the end of the day where we experienced a downpour, but I swear it only lasted about 5 or 10 minutes. I will divulge all the details in another post, but I wanted to share pictures of some of the pies today, because we all know that’s what the people want.

Some of these photos are courtesy of my brother Corey since I was too distracted to take many of my own. :/

Megan and my sister Amy are definitely tied for most creative (edible) pie. Megan brought a Root Beer Float pie that was soooo refreshing! I have never heard of a root beer float pie before, leave it to Megan to find that recipe!

And Amy made a PAW PAW pie! If you don’t know, paw paws are fruits that are regional to the Ohio area. They have a big festival that I’ve always wanted to go to but never have. Thank god Amy and her husband Dick went or we wouldn’t have been treated this to! I have never actually had an actual paw paw before but I had seen a comparison between them and cherimoya, and if you know me at all, you will know that those bitches are one of my favorite fruits ever even though they look absolutely DISGUSTING. Literally like wet, white flesh with huge black seeds – it just looks like you’re eating the end game of a high school science class dissection. I can’t really explain it any other way but I have to really set aside my texture phobias in order to enjoy a fresh cherimoya. So I can confirm that the paw paw *does* taste similar based on the flavor of this pie! It’s kind of like a mild pineapple / mango flavor, without really giving off tropical vibes. If that makes sense. The texture of the pie was similar to the guts of a pecan pie. I really enjoyed this!

It was extra funny/exciting because a few weeks ago, there was a discussion about weird fruits in the Support Group Chat, which as you might remember, I am not a member of the support team anymore, though they do invite me to their chat every Friday as the “Special Guest” where I proceed to do little else than annoy Glenn. Anyway, this wasn’t a Friday but Amber quickly added me since it was in my wheelhouse. Wendi* had name-dropped paw paws which OF COURSE none of the fruit pleibs knew anything about but I did, since I am the resident weird fruit authority. Anyway, I thought it was crazy that someone actually a brought a paw paw pie!

*(Wendis a newer member of the team and so awesome! I aggressively invited her to the pie party at our recent in-office Casual Lunch. She said she had to visit her grandma that day and I practically lunged across the table and shouted, “BRING YOUR GRANDMA!” Clearly this was not something she wanted to do because neither Wendi nor her grandma showed up on Sunday but to be fair, Casual Lunch was the first time she ever met me IN REAL LIFE so that was probably a lot to digest for the time being. We did chat about the day after the pie party though and she said she definitely wants to come next year now that she knows it’s not a trap, j/k she didn’t say that last part but I’m just guessing that’s what she was thinking.)

I’m not sure who brought the lemon meringue pie but thank you, kind soul, because Chooch obsessed over it for days and insisted that out of all the leftover pies, this was the one that HAD to come home with us. I think he even caught Henry offering it to Janna at the end of the day and quickly swooped in. I was Pie Party 2022 days old when I learned that my son’s favorite pie is lemon meringue. Literally have never witnessed him ordering this at any restaurant ever but maybe it’s something WESLEY’S MOM used to bake for him when he would go to their house to play. UGH WESLEY’S MOM.

I am so pissed about this because I originally had it spelled correctly but then it got smudged and when I re-wrote it, I FUCKING SPELLED IT WRONG. FML.

Anyway, I don’t want to be like, “Hello, it is my pie party and my pie was the winner,” but everyone was like freaking out over this pie so I think it was the winner?? I mean, we don’t judge. It’s not a contest. Also, it wasn’t actually my pie – Henry baked it. HOWEVER, it was my idea AND I had him change the recipe and use a shortbread crust instead of regular crust because you know, tea and BISCUITS or whatever.

I only had a tiny slice and can’t even remember anything about it other than it was good, but all day people were like EARL GREY this and that and I was like OK I guess “Henry’s pie” was a success but I had to keep interjecting myself into convos to alert people to the fact that I found the recipe and the shortbread crust, WHICH REALLY TOOK IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL, was also my creative design.

Corey apparently posted about this on Facebook because my friend Lisa, a seasoned pie party attendee who now lives in Idaho, texted me on Friday and was like WHAT IS THIS I HEAR ABOUT AN EARL GREY PIE?? Her interest was piqued and she decided she wanted to attempt it for the her game night the next day so I had to be a recipe relayer between Henry and her and that was pretty annoying because she would ask me specific questions about the recipe and then Henry would have some answer I didn’t understand and it just went on like that until the last text I got from her said “Hard part is done!” whatever that means. I should probably ask her today how it turned out….

Haley made a shoofly pie (which as you know is a pie type that I am also obsessed with thanks to my strong ties to the Amish world) and broccoli and cheese hand pies so she won the award for “something no one else brought” because those hand pies were a great idea and it’s always so great to have some savory offerings on the table too, like Sandy’s famous corn and tomato pie which she brings every year and I think pie party OGs would revolt if she ever stopped! Kara’s husband also made a savory vegan BBQ seitan mac & cheese casserole pie which was a great addition to the lonely vegan section (it was hers and Henry’s three pies, and then literally not a single one of my vegan friends came, oh well;  thought animal-free options would bring the Vs to the park, but I guess I need to find new ways to lure them).

I *think* that pumpkin pie up there was brought by Haley’s mom; regardless of who carried it in, it was delicious! Aside from Debby’s baby pumpkin streusel bites below, I think that was the only pumpkin pie variety of the whole entire day which is actually crazy to me!

OMG these were both so good. I’m so glad Debby came with this tray of delicate little one-bites. The lemon blueberry ones had a ladylock-like crust!! Also, Corey wrote the tags and it took 4 people to tell him how to spell streusel. The pie party is more than just pie, it’s also about learning.

Henry made three other pies. A vegan banoffee pie which he is STILL angry about because he followed the recipe to a T and it turned out “FINE” but it was not what he was expecting and he keeps threatening to “comment on that video!!” I mean, I agree with him though because the whole point of the video was that it was a 5-ingredient recipe but then in the actual recipe portion, there is a SIXTH INGREDIENT!? I dunno, it was ok but just *really* rich. It was a bit too much. I know the bananas were like part of the name or whatever, but I think I would have liked it better without them.

Anyway, Henry let me decorate this one! I was watching him pipe the whipped cream around the edges and said, “OOH CAN I WRITE SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE” and he got real tense and asked, “Like what?”

“I dunno,” I shrugged. “ERIN RULZ.” Because obviously I knew the whole time.

Henry sighed and mumbled, “Whatever.”

I think this is a big reason why no one was trying the banoffee pie, because they assumed I might have baked the entire thing, lol.

The sad vegan section. Henry’s third vegan pie back there was a carrot pie and it was so delicious but no one really tried it! I kind of wonder if people were afraid of the vegan tag or if they though it was reserved for the imaginary vegans? In any case, we got to take half of it home with us and I enjoyed it throughout the week. If you don’t believe me, you can ask the scale in my bedroom.

The fourth and only non-vegan Henry made was ALSO MY IDEA. I really wanted to incorporate my beloved G-Dragon into the festivities somehow and OBVIOULSY the best way to accomplish that was a dragonfruit pie. There are actually quite a few recipes out there for this! They all call for regular dragonfruit, but I made Henry use a fire dragonfruit, since they are such a deep, bright shade of fuschia which is also a hair color GD has sported numerous times over the years. I made the GD and peaceminusone flower cut-outs from regular dragonfruit. Anyway, this was another hit! It was demolished halfway through the party so sorry to the people who came for the last half.

I was really nervous though because Henry’s granddaughter Lily kept taking my GD doll and calling him a girl and I was like “OK HE IS A MAN NAMED G-DRAGON CAN I PLEASE HAVE HIM BACK NOW OMG.” It was just a bad scene. Apparently, several people witnessed this and made fun of me about it later but COME ON, MY GD DOLL IS NOT A TOY, THANK YOU.

My work friends were neither surprised nor confused about this pie. They are fully aware of my childish obsessions.

Um I dunno who brought this pie but it was BEAUTIFUL!

I think that about does it for pie pictures, sadly. I can also tell you that two more shoofly pies arrived later, we had three key lime pies in total (!), someone brought an apple sour cream pie that I couldn’t stop eating, and there were pies galore with every type of berry you could imagine. It was such a great spread but HOO BOY am I all pie’d out.

Oh! The winner for most creative pie overall was Nate, who brought this set of Chinese dominoes:

Chooch very quickly swooped in and claimed this.

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