Hello, back for a Day 2 recap! I’m going to try and keep it succinct (LOL, me? Succinct? Like I even know what that means) because we weren’t really  there that long and nothing outrageous happened. The day started off with all of us waking up surprisingly in decent, amicable moods. Had a hotel breakfast and killed time watching Cash Cab the only way we’re able to watch anything trivia-related: intensely and with the passion of a sports super fan.

Then we set off for Canada’s Wonderland! It was another bright, sunny day. High 70s. I think that the wildfires had already been happening but somehow we had not heard anything about it and the Toronto-ish area didn’t seem to have been affected by it, at least not at that point. It makes me sick and so sad to think about. :(

Well, anyway, here we are back at the entrance, me being dwarfed by Chooch.

The park wasn’t even technically open yet (it opened at 10 and we got there at 9:30) but Leviathan was already running! This was the coaster I was most stoked for because I think now I have ridden all the gigas in North America? IS THAT CORRECT? Millennium Force, I-305, Fury, Orion, Leviathan? Am I missing anything? Erin, do you know how to Google?

I think this was when we were in line for Leviathan? I asked the guy if we could have the back row and he said YES. Again: IT DOES NOT HURT TO ASK, BUT PLEASE TO REMEMBER TO DO IT WITH PRAYER HANDS.

Anyway, I thought this was fun! But as we cruised onto the brake run, I immediately said that I liked Behemoth better and it is now 100% confirmed that I just flat out like hypers better than gigas. AND THAT IS OK. PEOPLE CAN HAVE OPINIONS, THANK YOU.

After this, it was a walk-on for The Bat and I am SO GLAD that we got out of line for it the day before because I had no idea how long that line actually was. And this bitch is not worth even a 5 minute wait. Actually, as far as Vekoma boomerangs go, it wasn’t the worst one I’ve ridden, which is funny because when were getting off of it, Chooch declared that it was absolutely the worst one he’s ever ridden.

We then rode The Fly, which was a Crazy Mouse-type of coaster and also almost a walk-on, which is crazy for these types of rides. The operations are usually very slow and it’s low capacity, which is not great because it’s always a very popular family coaster. The lines for these things can be outrageous. I have definitely rage-stood in my fair share of their queues. Anyway – I thought this one was VERY fun! Not rough at all!

Vortex was next, which I liked because it interacted with the mountain structure and it was just, to say the least, an insane suspended coaster. Like, actually pretty scary! The way the cars were swinging toward the end, I was scared we were going to tip over. This was Top 5 in the park for me, personally, I would say.

Tiem Warp was an absolute piece of shit. It’s one of those coasters were you stand up in a cage and then it lowers so you’re facedown and being jostled around the entirety of the track. I absolutely fucking hated it. It hurt me so bad and the load-in/load-out process was so awkward – first of all, I didn’t realize that we were supposed to get out as soon as the cage was lifted upright when we returned to the station because I couldn’t tell that the cage-part was opened behind me. Each cage is constantly in motion too so I was basically traveling back to the front of the station like I wanted a re-ride. Finally the ride attendant came over and said, “You can get out now.”

Chooch, meanwhile, was already walking down the exit ramp. Thanks for the heads up, son of the year.

I mean honestly this kid coaster was one of the best ones in the park. Very enjoyable experience. I can’t remember what it was called, but I would ride it again. (Silver Streak, maybe?) Also, the kids area in general was just very pleasant.

Literally, LITERALLY, the best wooden coaster in the whole fucking park. And it’s a goddamn children’s coaster.

Chooch trying to outrun my picture-snapping.

Ghoster Coaster Kids.

W-W-W-W-WOWWWWW. Nice, Henry.

He did this one on purpose because I’m always yelling, “NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR BACK FLESH, STOP EXPOSING YOURSELF!!!”

But yes, this required a trifecta of shot because I thought the Kiddy Land entrance/exit bridge was so fucking delightful. Especially compared to what horrors some of those coasters in the main sections had in store for us. Jesus Christ.

I wanted Tiny Tom Donuts.

But Chooch said he wanted to Dippin’ Dots. Then he threw his little Mini Erin fit and said, “NEVER MIND JUST FORGET IT” because they were two separate lines, so he stormed off to sit and probably text all of his friends about how his parents dragged him to Canada to ride roller coasters, boo hiss.

We got him his dumb Dippin Dots and he acted ANGRY about it. “I said I didn’t want it!” he scoffed and I’ll tell you, the boy was almost wearing it as a head decoration at that point. What a little bitch! He did eat it though.

I only had 4 because I originally wanted to get ice cream later (spoiler: I did not because by that point, it was my turn to throw a Mini Erin tantrum…or, you know, an Original Big Erin tantrum) but now I regret it because they were pretty good! Henry ate the rest and got sick lol. We give all of our refuse to him.

In line for Backlot Stunt Coaster, our third version of this ride. I think of all three, this was my least favorite. Henry was pissed because we told the ride attendant there were only 2 people in our party and left him in the dust, lol. He had to ride with some other dad.

The last awful coaster we rode was Flight Deck. I dunno what was going on in my head but the entire time we were traversing the empty queue (it was a long ass queue) on the way to what was essentially a station wait, I was thinking that this ride was a B&M invert, which are usually pretty good and actually one of my favorite types of coasters. But then when we got to the station and I saw the train (ONE TRAIN OPS, BTW), I sighed, “Oh god, this is an SLC….” and Chooch goes, “Yeah, what did you think it was?”

“A B&M invert,” I said, choking on fear, knowing full well how WFRECKED my body was about to be on this piece of shit.

“A B&M?!!? Since when do you think B&M tracks look like that?!” he cried, so embarrassed by my blunder.

All non-enthusiasts just read a bunch of words that they could not care any less about. I’m sorry for wasting your time. We are coaster nerds.

But yeah, as expected, that fucking devil ride broke me. I was in so much pain, my brain was rattled, other children on the coaster were also complaining about how rough it was. You guys. Kids are resilient and do not care about shitty coasters so that will tell you JUST HOW EXTREMELY SHITTY THIS ONE IS.

Once we got the last of the coaster creds under our belts (well, Chooch’s belt – we don’t really count creds), we peaced out and went to Odd Burger for lunch.

Overall, we (Chooch and I) rode 15 coasters, heard 2 Alanis Morrisette songs (“Uninvited,” “Head Over Feet”), 1 Bryan Adams song, 0 Nickelback songs, had decent park food, and procured 0 Canada’s Wonderland souvenir magnets because do Canadian refrigerators not like magnets?! I had to buy an enamel pin for Henry to grind the pinback off of and turn into a magnet. So ridiculous!

CW has a great atmosphere, love the mountain. But their coaster lineup is….not very well-rounded. Maybe of the 17 (2 are kid coasters that you can only ride if you’re accompanied by a child, ugh), there are 5 that are worthy are re-rides. The rest were one-and-dones, some of these were even burn-it-to-the-grounds.

I’m really glad that we went finally, and we did have a good time overall even though it probably doesn’t seem like it, but we all agreed that we won’t be back unless they get some kind of amazing Intamin or RMC. Like, I probably wouldn’t even just pop in if we were in Toronto.

…and I have never needed them more than this. <3

Yesterday started off fine but then around 4, things got stupid at work AND Henry came home with a really shitty story to tell me – these two things coinciding just really pushed me over the edge. I went from being so angry that I was vibrating, to so sad and humiliated that I was sobbing uncontrollably, and then back to wanting to set fire to…a place.

Basically, what I learned yesterday was:

• I probably 100% require therapy for something that happened 20+ years ago;
• I know the truth and that’s all that matters;
• RAGE-WALK IT OUT. Reacting the way I really want to react is probably only going to backfire because that is what always seems to happen when I try to stick up for myself since I have a tendency of going from zero to psychopath in the blink of an eye.

But wow, I am always caught off guard by how much certain events and actions still hurt me to this day.

Anyway, maybe I will talk about this more once I have a chance to sort through my emotions, but it was a really bad time inside my head last night.

Henry and I went for a walk after dinner because I needed to rant and you all know I do my best ranting and raving while in motion. I had a library book to return so I suggested we walk to the Dormont library and then we could get some drinks at Dunkin’ across the street because that is JUST what this bitch needed, more caffeine. However, when we were walking to the library, we saw that the Boonseeker foodtruck was at a brewery across the street! What serendipity too, because I had completely forgotten that they were going to be there.

So we walked over, placed an order, and then stood as far away from the crowd as possible because I looked ROUGH from all the crying I had been doing. No makeup, unwashed hair, leggings and hoodie: I was a walking billboard for the kind of day I was having. Of course, our order got screwed up  (they gave it to someone else!!) so we had to wait even longer after already waiting a long time. Glad to have a Korean foodtruck in this city but it is a shining example of why America can’t have nice things. If we had been in Korea, the food would have been in our hands before we even had a chance to pay. America just doesn’t do “Efficiency” like Korea!

Some baby sat in a stroller and glared at me nearly the whole time. Join the club, baby. Sometimes it feels like people are lining up to make me feel like trash lol.

Here’s me looking 100% REAL in my BE REAL after we came home from nabbing Korean street food. But, the cheese stick cheered me up a bit, even though I *did* share it with Henry. Sigh. Made me really miss Korea, though. :( One day, I will return!

Another thing that made me smile was finding these pictures of Henry posing in my tutu from 2007! I thought they were lost forever because I couldn’t find them on Flickr and any photo I ever used on LiveJournal is gone because the site that hosted my photos back then was COMCAST which we no longer have.  Anyway, I actually asked Henry for his consent to post these on Instagram  (LOL who even am I lately) and he mumbled, “Whatever.”

People over there loved to see it, though!

Sadly, because of course let’s end this on a sad note, why wouldn’t I, I found out last year that the old friend of mine who made this tutu for me died from Covid. I hadn’t had contact with her in YEARS but it still felt like a kick to the heart to find that out.

Life is so fucking sad and weird, but also it can be OK so that’s what I’m holding out for: more “OK” days. Bring ’em to me. (Quickly.)

P.S. I have always been jealous of Henry’s shapely legs. Mine are like thicc tree trucks. Sigh.

Oh boy, today is this big guy’s 58th birthday! It’s also my NCT bias Haechan’s birthday, so what a special day!

One annoying thing about Henry’s birthday, and I am SURE that I expound upon this every year because it truly does get on my nerves, is that his birthday is so close to Father’s Day. Look, I only have so much energy these days to pour into gift-giving or, you know, “doing something special.” And we (“we” lol) decided that we would go to Cedar Point possibly for Father’s Day, so sorry June 6th. I guess you will have to pass quietly, with little to no fan fare.

J/K – I told Henry that he was welcome to bring home birthday treats for us all to enjoy, and he really fucking did it too!

He even treated himself to a Burger King dinner. Wow, slow down, Henry. This isn’t a milestone birthday.

Anyway, in lieu of saying Happy Birthday, I sent him this video of Haechan theatrically singing Happy Birthday, which we have both seen a thousand million times in various “chaotic NCT” compilation videos, but it had to happen.

Henry’s response was, “Wow. Thanks, Haechan.”

I know I don’t gush about the guy daily, because that would be weird, but obviously Chooch and I both love him and appreciate all that he does for us, even though we have a penchant for being spoiled brats / ungrateful dicks so maybe at times, to spectators, it might seem like we take him for granted or perhaps aren’t grateful enough. But c’mon guys. You have to know that we know how good we have it! LONG LIVE HENRY. HIP HIP HOORAY or whatever.

Dear Blog Diary Thing:

I know I have filled you unlimited words about roller coasters but do you remember when I told you back in 2018 that the coaster that turned me into an enthusiast (see also: thoosie) was T-Express in South Korea’s Everland?

Well, I probably did so you can just take my word for it.

Anyway, I was watching a YouTube video of Taeyong from NCT at Everland, passing out for roses for Rose Day and also promoting his new solo release because duh. I knew that SM Entertainment recently had a collab going with their artists and Everland where some of the rides are themed after various members and there’s SM/Everland merch – it’s a whole giant pop-up based on SM’s imaginary world called Kwangya basically and I really need to know how long this is going to last because I want to visit again while it’s there (the anguish).

OK so in this video, Taeyong reluctantly agrees to ride T-Express and he starts walking over to it.

And then he stops abruptly and is like WHAT?

You guys!!!

Worlds colliding!!

Well, honestly when you think about it, one world had already begat the next world because the whole reason I was even riding T-Express in 2018 is because I knew about it from various Korean variety shows which I watched because I was/am obsessed with Korea and then that obsession put me on a plane and flew my crazy ass to Korea, and then I left being obsessed with Korea AND NOW ROLLERCOASTERS.

(Prior to this, I was a dark ride girly and we were even members of a dark ride and funhouse group, so I was always going to amusement parks and fairs – that didn’t change!)

I just remember coming home from Korea that year and having this strong need to watch YouTube videos of T-Express, like I NEEDED to hear “the experts” reviewing it, and then from there I started looking up other coasters that were referenced in those videos, especially if it was a ranking list, and REAL QUICK after that I “discovered” the coaster manufacturer Rocky Mountain Construction* and suddenly we were planning coaster road trips.

*(fun fact: RMC actually helped Intamin with the construction of T-Express so this was technically baby’s first RMC!)

I know the name of the coaster didn’t officially change (I doubt it, anyway, besides you can tell from the two pictures that the sign they put up is below the actual T-Express sign) but I want to know if it’s been temporarily changed while the Kwangya collab is happening, or if the new signage was just put up that day in honor of Taeyong’s visit. Honestly, I wish that was the new official name because it’s better than T-Express! (I’m not biased you’re biased.)

A fun fact about T-Express NCT-Express is that it’s one of only four of its kind in the world (an Intamin pre-fabricated woodie). I’ve ridden the one in the US (El Toro) and this summer, we will (knock on wood) have the chance to ride our third one – Balder in Sweden.

Life is so crazy – every time someone asks me how I became a coaster enthusiast, I’m like, “Because I went to Korea” – I just love that origin story so much!

Just like I love being obsessed with many things!

Canada’s Wonderland has been on my TO DO list ever since we became coaster thoosies. I have watched so many videos on this Cedar Fair park, so I was kind of surprised at how underwhelming this place was.

First of all, it has 17 coasters (three or four of those are kid coasters) but honestly only about 4 of those are re-ridable. In fact, I experienced some of the WORST coaster rides in the two days we were at Canada’s Wonderland.

We’ll get to that later. First, let’s do a quick recap of Day One.

We arrived at the park around 2, after driving all morning. This place is about 20-30 minutes past Toronto, I think? My immediate impression was that it was visually stunning. As soon as you walk through the entrance, you’re facing the iconic mountain and waterfall. That entrance is so dramatic and actually might have been one of the few parts of this joint that were actually better in person as opposed to what I had seen in videos.

Lookit! It’s so pretty and there are actually three coasters that interact with the mountain, and I loved all three of them.

Our first coaster of 2023 was actually one of the mountain coasters! It was a cute little family mine ride called Thunder Run, super short – it did two quick laps around a track inside the mountain with some lighting effects, but my favorite part was before the operator sent the train, she made everyone scream CHOO CHOO and you know I practically made my throat bleed with the sheer force of my CHOOing.

Also, I missed the memo that it was Purple Day, I guess. I actually did pack a purple shirt too, which I wore the next day, but it was more of a lavender so I guess I still lose.

Next was Wilde Beast, an old piece of shit woodie. FUCK THIS RIDE. Literally, this fucker set the tone for the rest of the day for me, and probably also Henry. But then difference between the two of us is that I will keep riding things because even though I don’t count credits, I want to ride the same coasters as Chooch especially because it’s the only TOGETHER TIME we have anymore since he is TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL when we’re home and usually only speaks to me in grunts and sneers. (Although he is being SUPER TALKATIVE to me this weekend because he has a project for school that he needs my help with and we will discuss this later.)

But seriously, this was one of the worst woodies I have ever ridden, and I have ridden Son of Beast and Blue Streak in Conneaut, both of which no longer exist. It was so rough, and that paired with the heat of the day and possibly being mildly dehydrated really sent me on a tailspin of nausea and pain that I couldn’t climb out of for the entire day. Trust me, it only got worse.

After this, Chooch and I got in line for the park’s shitty Vekoma boomerang, The Bat. Well, we attempted to get in line. But as we were walking through the switchbacks to get to the end of the line, I turned around to see that an entire group of people were cutting the line behind us instead of walking through the empty queue which I knew was going to happen but there were people in front of us, so Chooch and I didn’t want to be dicks and do that same thing (you know – going under the railing to bypass the empty switchbacks that you would need to walk down in order to get to the end). So by the time we made our way back to the end of the line, there were about 20 people who had cut in front of us but what really set me off was that even now that we WERE THERE AT THE END OF THE LINE, people were still jumping over the empty lines and cutting in front of us to join their fellow linejumpers who had previously cut the line. I just lost my mind and said OH WOW OK REALLY?? FUCK THIS and made Chooch get out of line with me. I’m sorry, but I’m not enduring that type of bullshit for A VEKOMA BOOMERANG. I knew we were coming back the next day and figured we’d just cross it off the list early before it got crowded, because for some unknown reason, these shit-loops are general public favorites.

WHYYYYY???

I was in a foul mood at this point. Probably needed water. Definitely required a feeding. But was determined to persevere and try to get in as many coasters as we could on Day One, despite the crowds. (It wasn’t THAT crowded, actually but it was the fact that the people we were encountering all day weren’t exactly nice, dispelling that age-old Canadian stereotype. However, I think you can also argue that amusement parks in general bring out the absolute worst in people.)

The other thing that pissed me off was that CW’s wait times in the app were extremely off. It said that Yukon Striker was a minute wait so I figured, let’s just get in line for this because this is one of the park’s most popular rides and minutes seemed reasonable. Yeah, until you get so far into the line and realize that there is an entire second section of switchbacks that wasn’t visible at the ride entrance. I guess it wasn’t THAT bad but it was fucking hot and we were essentially cooking under a tent with a horde of strangers. None of them were blatantly terrible at least EXCEPT for this one dad that was a few people ahead of us who got on his phone halfway through the line and started DIRECTING the rest of his crew to his location. I HATE THAT.

I always hope that people in line won’t let the line jumpers through, but it almost never works out that way. In this case, it was the guy’s wife and teenage son, who were shrugging their way through the line with their recently-procured Beaver Tails (um, a delicious Canadian take on fried dough and one of the highlights of the day).

I was so pissed and proceeded to glare at the dad for the rest of our duration in the line. He looked like a Jersey Shore hothead, to be honest.

Other than that, the line wasn’t too horrible but I would say it was at least 20 minutes longer than the stupid app said it would be.

I don’t know that I would say it was worth the wait but it was definitely one of the best in the park, and as far as dive coasters go, I think it would be my #3 (I’ve only ridden 4, lol). Dive coasters just don’t really do it for me, but I so really like the one at Busch Gardens Williamsburg a lot.

s’OK.

My favorite part was actually the loose article bin system! You put your stuff in while you’re next in line, and then as you get on the coaster, the bins (which are made to look like old-school luggage) go up a conveyer system over top of the coaster and then when you return, the “luggage” is waiting for you in the exit!

Jersey Shore Dad was on the same train as us and was screaming, “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY STUFF” or something along those lines that included SWEARS, as everyone was exiting. What a fucking douche-noz.

I ate here! Well, after Henry waited a good 15 minutes for the register to be shut down and restarted so that he could pay.

Vegetarian moussaka! I was so excited for this and it was pretty good for amusement park food! Usually as a meat-free person, I’m stuck getting pizza or whatever shitty veggie burger they might have hidden in the back of a freezer somewhere. But this was nice!

Chooch and Henry went to some place called Lazy Bear Lodge or something, which was actually my back-up plan because I heard that they had Impossible stuffed-peppers.

After eating, I was like HARK, DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR? as we walked past the mountain. Of course, Henry 100% couldn’t because he can barely even hear me when I’m right next to him, but even Chooch was like, “You mean people screaming and a waterfall falling?” So we had to search out the nearest speaker in order for Chooch to hear.

OK, let me back up. The day before, Chooch had said he got in an argument with someone from school about Alanis Morrisette because he seriously thinks she’s terrible and look, I’m not her #1 fan, not a saesang for Alanis or anything, but I do genuinely like her as an artist and really enjoy a lot of her songs (this came later in life though — I didn’t really “get” it in real time when she was a new artist in the 90s and all over MTV, etc. I remember my friend Christy asking me in the car on the way to tennis practice if I had heard of her and I was like, “Yeah, this is not my thing” because I was super into rap and R&B at the time and also never wanted to like the same things my friends liked LOL why am I like this).

Anyway! I got really annoyed with Chooch, especially considering I’m always on edge whenever RYAN REYNOLDS comes up, so I started forcing him to listen to her songs that I like the most and one of the ones I sent him after he escaped back to his room was UNINVITED from the City of Angels soundtrack.

YOU GUYS, THAT WAS THE SONG THAT WAS PLAYING AT THAT MOMENT AT CANADA’S WONDERLAND.

WTF, wow, OK, I get that we were in Alanis Country but that would not be the choice from her discography that I expected, so I was super surprised and pleasantly surprised, because that song is THE FUCKING SHIT.

YES. Back when women sang with their real voices. We love to hear it.

Anyway, that happened.

Then Chooch and I rode some really whack darkride / coaster called Something Mountain Guardians or something. Um first of all, SIX OF THE SEATS in one of the trains were out of order, so Chooch and I got the entire train to ourselves. I had no idea what to expect because I had never seen much content about this in any of the videos I’ve watched, which was good because in the last room, something unexpected happens which caused me  to scream SO LOUD like I was being murdered, only for theh door to open and our train to proceed to the exit which was right next to the line of people waiting to get on.

So everyone heard me scream and they were all staring at me.

It made me crack up so bad because this was 100% not a thrill ride but if you based it on my screams….

Anyway, as far as darkrides go, that was very outdated and also the audio wasn’t working. But the beginning and end made up for it, in my opinion.

Already posted these, but here is one of thee first #carouselfies of 2023 again!

Durrrrrr.

I think this is the one that will make it on the carouselfie wall.

OK, whatever I said earlier about Wilde Beast? Quadruple it and that’s how I felt this fucking piece of shit called Mighty Canadian Mindblower or something. What a disaster of a coaster. But first, let’s back it up and talk about that ride attendant up there who BELLOWED, “GET. DOWN. FROM. THE RAILING!!!! at every railing-sitting perp she eye-balled. There was a group of young guys behind us and after she screamed at one of them, his friend was like, “Yo, I would NEVER let someone yell at me like that. ARE YOU KIDDING?” and he was so stunned that this little bitch with the big mouth was flexing her authority with no clapback. I mean, I didn’t really disagree with him. I can see if she was having to tell the same person over and over again to get off the railing – then OK fine. But she was SATAN-ROARING this shit on first time offenders and it was so startling every time.

So yeah, I feel like if she had mouthed off on me in that way, I would have pushed back. I HATE being yelled at. HATE IT.

But also, I know not to sit on railings. So…

There was a young girl in line in front of us with her two friends and at the last second, she wussed out and asked if she could cross over to the exit instead of boarding the train. In hindsight, I wish I had followed her lead because this ride actually completely ruined the rest of the day for me. The jackhammering was unrelenting and I screamed IN PAIN through the entire duration. Even Chooch was in pain and he is a teenager who feels nothing. And it was a LONG LAYOUT too! Torture! Please RMC this abomination!!

Ugh I was so sick after this but STILL got in line for Behemoth, the park’s hyper coaster. One of the things I loved about this one was the CREW! They had a guy in the station who was overlooking the line below and would literally sound off a SIREN and then call out linejumpers over his megaphone. It was glorious.

They were assigning rows but I said, “Can we please have the back?” and made prayer-hands. That is the key. Henry said also “being cute” helps but that’s not me so it must be the prayer hands. They always act like they want to say no, but then they end up sighing and nodding. YESSS. It doesn’t hurt to ask, you guys! Back row is the best row! (Well, mostly.)

Anyway, I think this was my favorite ride in the park. I just LOVE hypers in general. The downside though is that as soon as it came to a stop on the brake run, my nausea and headache immediately came back with a vengeance and all I could think was, “OMG am I going to puke on a stationary coaster?” Literal, I was close. The puke was tickling my ghost-tonsils, is all I’m saying.

Shitty coasters aside (not including that beauty in the background), this park was so aesthetically pleasing. This shot was taken facing the entrance, with the moutain behind me.

I wanted a Beaver Tail all day! Look how happy The Purples look!

I went with the nutella version and it was perfect park snack. Not too heavy, just right. (I did share with Henry, ugh.)

We were going to leave after this, but then we realized we hadn’t walked over to this medieval section of the park yet. There was a coaster back there called Dragon Fyre and Henry pointed out that it was a walk-on. I knew, KNEW, that I should have JUST SAID NO, but I am always trying to prove that I am the parent who can be counted on, so I said, “Chooch, let’s get you one last credit today” and honestly I don’t even think he cared one way or the other. But we did it, we got on this piece of shit corkscrew and it KILLED ME. My brain felt so jostled, my face was hot yet clammy, I couldn’t get my vision to merge back into one. It was soooo bad.

“That wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be,” Chooch said, all upbeat, as the train returned to the station, and I hissed, “Speak for yourself. Burn the bitch down.”

I had to go and sit on a stone wall next to some fake lake thing while Henry and Chooch went off in search of water for me. I have somehow managed to make it 43 years without ever puking in an amusement park but that streak came so close to ending on this day. I felt so wrecked, you guys.

We left about 20 minutes before the park closed at 8 and the whole drive to the hotel, I was chanting in my head, “Please don’t puke, please don’t puke.” I went to bed at 9:30 that night, you guys. 9:30. Dead to the world.

In summary, day one at Canada’s Wonderland wasn’t the WORST day I’ve ever had at a park, but it still left a lot to be desired. STAY TUNED FOR DAY 2. Was it better? Was it worse? NO SPOILERS.

Here are some (FIVE TO BE EXACT) things that I have on my mind today:

1. The First Ed Sheeran Song I’ve Liked (accidentally)

OK look, I don’t specifically hate Ed Sheeran or anything. I think he is fine, he doesn’t bother me, but I also could not ever pick his voice out of a line-up. It’s just, whatever. But then I was doing a cardio dance workout a few weeks ago to afrobeat songs and one of the songs WAS SO GOOD that it got lodged in my head until I finally looked it up to see who it was and apparently ED SHEERAN is featured on it?? I guess now that I know that, I can tell sort of, but this was not something that struck me the other times I heard this song. “Oh wow, and there is Ed Sheeran chiming in.”

I think my brother would be disappointed in me because he hates Ed Sheeran but I just recently found out that he likes Taylor Swift, the most vanilla basic bitch out there, so I guess we are even.

Anyway, there is an official MV too that I am just now watching for the first time and I guess ED makes a cameo in this too lol. But yeah, this is such a fire summer jam and I have been putting Fireboy DML on replay these last few days:

2. Firefly Lane

Dude. I had been really dragging this second half of the season out, just stretching it as far as it would go, because I knew it was going to rip me apart. But I finally watched the last episode Wednesday night and, well, I’m not OK! LOL. I was crying so hard that I had to keep covering my face, or looking at my phone to distract me, or shower the closest cat with unbridled attention. I was a wet mess. I didn’t read the book and will probably not at this point because why torture myself further, but I thought that show was very well done and the casting was on point. I always was meh about Katherine Heigel but that actually made me like her and also her character reminded me of my aunt Sharon a little bit?? (The good parts of Sharon.)

(I have been thinking of Sharon SO MUCH lately and I think it’s because I am finally ready to go through the mourning stages…..7 years later.)

3. New neighbors!

You guys, we have a family of groundhogs living over the hill in our backyard! So far, I’ve counted 5 babies and a mom (I call her Bertha – she is so mean to her babies!). The squirrels are like WHO ARE YOU AND ARE YOU PAYING RENT?

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I dunno if I’m just officially OLD but I could fucking sit on my backporch all day and watch the backyard wildlife. I love them all so much.

EXCEPT FOR THE FUCKING HAWKS.

Some of the Mr. Gray Guys came running when I call them now – they know their names <3

Meanwhile, my favorite – Girl Buddy – has been snubbing me all week and I know it’s because she’s pissed that we were gone for part of Memorial Day weekend.

4. Dance Telephone Challenge!

You guys! NCT Dream was on Good Mythical Morning recently! Chooch said this means he can’t watch GMM anymore, whatever hater. Anyway, I thought it was extremely cute and funny, obviously. Janna watched the whole thing and you should too!

5. A Call About a Cat Carrier

Last Friday, HNC texted me and asked if we have a cat carrier that he could borrow. I sighed, retrieved one of the cat carriers from a shelf in the basement, and took it over to him. Apparently, they needed it for the weekend to take their cat to their camp, which is a thing that both HNC and Wife reference quite frequently but I have yet to care enough to ask any questions about it. Such as, “Where is it?”

Anyway! Tuesday evening, HNC’s wife returned it to us, which I appreciated. Punctuality when it comes to returning borrowed items is something that I don’t get to experience very much in life, I feel like.

Then.

The next day.

Another HNC text: “When u get a min, can u call  me? It’s about the cat carrier.”

REALLY? Why do we have to have a telephone conversation about this? I let you borrow it. You returned it. The end.

I waited a few minutes. Considered ignoring it. Sighed. Called him.

It quickly turned into a multi-point inquisition:

1. What brand was the cat carrier? It fit their cat perfectly (purrfectly?) and he would like to get the same one.
2. Do we buy our cat litter in plastic containers? If so, where do we buy it? Can he have the empties to use to store rock salt FOR THE CAMP?

And then, what I believe to be the main purpose of the phone call, the rest was just friendly filler:

3. DO I KNOW ANY TRICKS TO KEEP SQUIRRELS OUT OF PLANTS BECAUSE HIS WIFE IS FREAKING OUT.

Ugh! How about just embrace them as they are GOD’S PRECIOUS CREATURES??? Did I tell you that she has FORKS sticking out of her planters, tines up, as a squirrel deterrent?!

Bonus: I heard HNC’s wife’s ring tone for the first time the other night when she was giving me avocadoes – I WAS MADE FOR LOVING YOU by KISS!???!!! I was almost shocked into silence because that was not what I expected. The Nokia tone, maybe? A Dwight Yoakum midi?

Last week, I heard a slight commotion outside as I was working. Looked out to see some asshole lounging at the end of HNC&Wife’s sidewalk. I thought maybe he had suffered an injury at first (those stupid city scooters are also flying by and I’m perpetually braced for an accident) but he seemed pretty calm. I assume that is his friend with him – he was pacing back and forth, looking down the street as if waiting for a ride. Who can be sure.

HNC’s wife was leaving her house during this time and called me immediately from her car to tell me to beware. She said she asked the kid on the ground if he needed help and he sniped, “I’m just CHILLIN’.”

“He has a real smart mouth,” HNC’s wife advised me, and honestly one of my biggest fears in the possibility of engagement with a shitty teen/young adult. I don’t trust them. So that was my cue to 100% stay on high alert.

They left after about 30 minutes of this. Kid in orange was walking fine, nary a limp, so I have no idea what all that was about. BUT I DIDN’T LIKE IT.

I preordered this NCT127 sweatshirt in December from the SM Shop and it finally arrived last week, just in time for the impending 80-90 degree days we have in store (aka right now).  Anyway, I got a Doyoung poca with it and if I’m not mistaken, I think this is my first Doyoung poca (photocard)!

Anyway, this sweatshirt was worth the weight. It’s so cozy and rich-feeling, lol.

Thank you, thank you.  Gifts are happily accepted.

Reading a new favorite (The Hundred-Year House) on the back porch with Penelope while Chooch and his friends took over the living room last Saturday instead of staying contained to the designated HANG OUT SPOT in the attic.

It’s fine.

At least we have an extra room.

Even if it’s barely being used.

This is usually where you can find both Drew and Penelope every day for three seasons of the year.

THAT IS WHY IT’S CALLED A THREE SEASON ROOM, DUH.

(I literally never heard that term until several years ago when someone referred to the back porch as such and I was like, “Wait…wha—? Ohhhhh.”

A vegan cinnamon roll franchise opened up in East Liberty and I made Henry go get some. He and I split a lemon one and a coconut cream pie one – both were delectable. Chooch got some kind of fancy berry one all for himself.

I want to go back ASAP.

I forget what it’s called already?? Cinnaholic, I think.

***

I just finished my nightly cardio and I am BEAT. It was something like 90 degrees today and I felt like I was going to pass out during my lunch break walk. Now I just want to spend the rest of the night sitting on the couch and staring dumbly at the TV.

TOMORROW IS FRIDAY. LET’S GOOOOOO.