Dec 102011


Chooch is the one that found her. She was laying at the bottom of the steps, like she had died in her sleep. It was his first encounter with death, really, and the tears came spurting out.

He seems fine now, and is already talking about getting a new cat (fuck no, not replacing her), but I went back up to my bedroom and I’m just kind of sitting here in shock, with moments of spotty sobbing. Held Marcy for a little bit. Looked online at the pricing of the pet section at the cemetery where my Pappap is buried and started crying because I can’t afford any of that so now what? Henry is going to toss her in a shoddy backyard hole? (Henry of course doesn’t give a shit. He knows I’m up here crying but hasn’t bothered to come up. Typical.)

She was my second cat. I got her two months after I got Marcy, who never really warmed up to her after 13 years. Speck had kind of become Chooch’s sidekick; she greeted him in bed every morning (mostly because she wanted fed) and seemed to quickly forgive him for cutting her ear with scissors two years ago. (Just a snip, not a lop.)

I did notice that she had become more solitary over the last few weeks. There were times when I would notice that I hadn’t seen her all day and I would have to call her until she would eventually come trotting out of the basement or from somewhere upstairs, like a happy, yet confused, puppy.

She was happy, gentle (except for the occasional times she would strike out at Chooch, and rightfully so); a perpetual kitten who was dopey, ditzy and quick to win over even the staunchest of cat haters. She is my first “I’m an adult & living on my own” pet to die and I’m not handling it very well. Kind of just want to drink a lot and stab a hooker.

I wish I could be like Henry and not care, but I’m afraid the trucker-creep moustache comes with that package.

This sucks. Fuck today. Pornament Party officially canceled.

  20 Responses to “RIP Nicotina (See also: Speck, Pickles, Breakfast Nook)”

  1. This really sucks, Erin. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it better, but I know (from my own traumatic pet experiences) that there’s very little that helps. I’m here for you if you need anything. Thinking of you. xoxo

  2. I’m sorry! That really bites. I’ve only had one adult-life pet die and it ruined me for weeks. I really am so sorry! I wish something could be said to make it easier, but there’s nothing.

  3. I’m so sorry, honey! I know those cats mean so much to you. Sending you hugs. :(

  4. Aww this is so sad. I’m sorry, Erin :(

  5. I love you. You guys will all be in my thoughts today. I’m glad I got to see her while I was there. She was effing great.

  6. Hugs to you! I still think of mine who are no longer with me. If there’s anything i can do, just let me know. LOVE YOU~

  7. I am so sorry, Erin.

  8. I’m so sorry for your loss, hon. My heart just aches for you. There is no good time to lose a beloved pet but unexpectedly feels so much harder. Sending hugs your and Chooch’s way.

  9. Nooo! I’m so sorry.

    I always wanted to ask, was she named after the Sparks song?

    • She wasn’t named after the Sparks song. I was 18 when I got her, & a chain smoker. “Nicotina” was meant to be a joke name until I thought of something else, but it just stuck. ;)

      • Well, now I know. I hear the song in my head every time you mention her.

        I’m really sorry. I still miss my kitty Hellfudge and she died several years ago now. She was the best kitty ever… just like Speck. <3

  10. Aw! This is so sad. I am so sorry. Losing a pet is so hard.*Hugs*

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