I was able to get Speck a burial plot after all, thanks to the recommendation of my friend Jessy. Totally withdrew from my mutual fund to make it happen, but it is what I want for her and she is more than worth it to me.
Henry wrapped her up in her favorite blanket (“She’s peed on it enough times,” he tried to joke, but I silenced him real quick with one sharp look) and we took her out to an animal shelter in Elizabeth, PA, where I was left to stand alone near a young couple adopting a kitten.
“He’s gonna die someday!” I wanted to scream like a crazy old hobo lady, because I couldn’t bear to see how happy they were while I was standing there openly weeping, waiting for someone to bring me the burial paperwork.
And that was a bag of dicks, sitting in a drop-off room with a shelter employee while she asked me questions like, “Do you want us to seal the casket today or do you want to be able to see her again on the day of the burial?” I just wanted to die. “Can you bury me too?” is how I wanted to respond.
And there were no tissues in that room!
So then a woman came in with a cat mewling in pain. She calmly stated she was there for euthanasia and then proceeded to stand RIGHTNEXTTOME and watched as I started to cry harder.
After that, it was time to hand over Speck, and Chooch insisted on carrying her in himself. Look, I get that he’s only 5 and he really has little to no concept of what is going on, but when he brought her into the room, he loudly spat, “Ugh, this is disgusting!” at which point Henry snatched the blanket-wrapped Speck from him and I had to drag him out of the room because he started saying rude things about the cat who was there to get euthanized.
He totally made it a million times worse for me.
While Henry took care of Speck, I kept Chooch in the room with all the cats up for adoption and it was totally unbearable. None of them looked cute to me. None of them were Speck.
We ended up leaving at the same time as the lady who brought the cat in to get put to sleep. “And she talks like a man,” Chooch announced in his typical invisible megaphone voice, pointing right at her. It was utterly embarrassing. But then, an hour later, Chooch burst into tears while eating a waffle. This was after berating Henry for seemingly unrelated things, but I guess he was just projecting, just like me.
“I have never seen two people be so sad & mad at the same time as you two,” Henry said wearily. It’s enough that he has to deal with me and Chooch on a daily basis, but it’s a whole different story when it’s a mourning me and Chooch.
Today was one of the worst experiences of my life and I’m just going to go ahead and rank it up there with the death of my pappap. I just can’t stop crying. God, she was so annoying at times, but she was my Speck and I will never have another.