Chooch’s Haunted House Review: Darkview 2018

Nov 042018

Dark View’s theme this year was carnival, although every other year was a creepy house. We were the first ones here on this cold day, and by first ones I mean the first people to actually get in line. We got popcorn while we waited for a good time to get in line. I sat by the fire trying to warm up which helped a lot. We walked in line, making us the first in line. Not long after, the line started to fill up and more people came. We were placed in a group with a guy named Eddie and mum and him talked about horror movies and Conneaut, it was awkward. Eddie had 2 girls with him, they looked like they were the same age as me, 12. The old man that was there last year told us a story about how someone owned this carnival and had many freaks, but you can’t call them that anymore. He mentioned that there was a fat man, a sasquatch, and elastigirl. He said that people from all around the world came to see he because they liked to see her stretch her….then he motioned around the chest area. He then continued by saying that at least it wasn’t an elastiboy. He let us go and we went into a small shed, and sat down. Oh! I forgot, there were two other people in our group as well. When we sat down, a video started playing in front of us, it was a fat guy about to take our picture, but he was allergic to ugly people, so he had a rough time. He also kept farting and sneezing on us, so it held back the picture. He took 4 photos in total, and one of the was a jump scare behind us, and I wasn’t phased at all.

Then, onward we went into a showroom where some guy was doing magic. He said that he was going to make a clown doll disappear, then reappear. By disappear he meant throw over a wall, and by reappear he meant a giant clown was going to pop out from behind a wall. Then we enter the room where the animals were kept in cages. There was a sasquatch and a tiger, the sasquatch was farting and the tiger was growling. The next room was really cool because it was a closet type room with many clothes and then a giant teddy bear that turned out to be a real person. After a while, we realized that our group must be good because they went a decent speed and weren’t annoying. After the carnival, was a graveyard and the clown, Fatso, told us to call the caretaker stupid. The caretaker sighed and made us follow him through a crypt and then down a trail which had a house with an old lady sitting on the porch. When she noticed us, she started talking about how her mother made the best pumpkin pie and they had picnics in Parkview. Then she told us not to run in the forest because the trees will grab you by the ankle and trip you. Then I looked behind us and saw that there was a scarecrow walking slowly towards us. I was scared and wanted to go, then the lady told us to go and watch out for the tree people.

I quickly realized that the tree people were men dressed in a Ghillie Suit and they were creepy. Then there was a lady who did rituals or something and she wanted to save some girl who was going to get sacrificed by a demon. The lady asked if two of us would sacrifice ourselves, so I raised my hand and another lady in our group did, too. The woman said in order to avoid getting killed, we had to walk slowly, do not run, and do not look back. If we do, he will kill us. So we went in the front of the group and walked very slow. We avoided looking back, while we heard other members in our group get caught looking back. We didn’t know when we were allowed to look back and run, so we just kept walking slowly, until we reached a cabin. The cabin was a hunting cabin and the guy who was outside of it told us to hurry in. Apparently, there was a zombie outbreak and they were trying to get in, so we stayed inside. Then all of a sudden, the lights shut off, they must have cut off the power circuit. The guy told us to run and when the lights turned back on, a zombie appeared from the shadows and ate the hunter. We ran and made it to a foggy fence maze. There was a sniper tower flashing a light down on the maze. We kept going through the maze and we saw a guy, I looked down at his hands, and he was holding a chainsaw. I held my breath and knew better than to run from when we went to Hundred Acres Manor because he would chase me. So I just kept going and he followed us while his chainsaw revved. Mum screamed and pushed me into the guy. She ran full speed ahead, but the guy didn’t chase her, so we all ran and made it to the end.

My opinion of Darkview this year is very good because I liked the part where we had to be very quiet and move slowly.

Big Papa eating his Big Papacorn. <—ERIN WROTE THIS.

Calvin’s First Haunted House!

haunted houses

Nov 032018

Sorry November, I still have some Halloween-y things to cover up in here.

One of my favorite haunts, Castle Blood, has a no-scare matinee that they do on Sundays, where they keep the lights on, there are no overt scares, and kids of all ages can wear a costume and go trick-or-treating through the house. As you may know, this place has been on haunted house mainstay list since the mid-90s, and we started taking Chooch to the matinees when he was two (though he quickly graduated to the actual nighttime tour).

Well, Calvin has him beat now because he just broke onto the haunted house scene at the young ol’ age of 1! I was so excited when Blake and Haley said they wanted take him! He even dressed up like a little werepup! Here are some snaps from our afternoon in an old, haunted funeral home.

Here he is being completely unimpressed in the parlor!

The cool thing about the Castle Blood matinees is that they still do the whole story/adventure so even though the lights are on, you still get to solve the puzzles and barter for talisman so it’s a win for adults too (especially when Haley grabs a Snickers out of one of the candy bowls for you after your own so blatantly ignores your request).

Calvin was completely smitten with the psycho lab assistant.

We were just there two nights prior to this so Chooch knew all the answers to the puzzles. Our friend Chris was working in the lab that day and when we saw him afterward, he said, “I’m glad I caught you guys! Riley solved that puzzle in the lab faster than anyone has this whole season,” and Henry and I looked at each other, like, “Should we tell him?” Lol. To be fair though, he solved it the first night we were there too, but not as immediately as he did that day!

(I wouldn’t have been able to figure it out, so props to my kid, even though we’re in constant competition with each other, ugh.)

Chooch was scared because he knew his new frenemy was coming up – a super surly spider queen who snapped at him for daring to put his foot on her throne.

Chooch adores Calvin, it’s pretty awesome.

GUYS, WE WON. And Chooch and Haley didn’t even fight once!

It was really fun and I’m glad we got to expose Calvin to the creepier side of Halloween at such a young age so that someday soon, he’ll hopefully be joining us on the annual haunted house hop. GOTTA START ‘EM YOUNG, GUYS.

Chooch will be back on here at some point with his recap of our nighttime Castle Blood tour; his friend Liam came with us and I was so excited to show up with a new recruit!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to my Taemin videos on YouTube.

Chooch’s Haunted House Reviews 2018: Fright Farm

chooch, haunted houses

Oct 282018

Ohh Fright Farm, how I’ve missed you so. The great spooks, the amazing actors, and how could I forget? The hay ride! On a cold October night, my mum and I brought Janna with us to go to Rich’s Fright Farm. When we got in the parking lot, it was still light out and it was as cold as ever, so cold I could see my own breath. The line was very short, but of course Janna had to go to the bathroom. We got our tickets before she came back, so we decided to go wait in the line to get into the farm. She noticed us and started walking towards us, so we jumped in the bush, hoping to scare her as she walked by. She of course spotted us, and our plan was foiled.

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On the bright side though, we were placed into group 2, so we got to enter the hay ride next! Of course we would have to wait, in the cold, cold atmosphere. The fire pits didn’t help my legs at all, my legs were the coldest part of my body. We waited for about an hour. In that hour we actually went into the gift shop, looked at an expensive Varsity jacket and sat on a bench for 50 minutes while listening to spooky music. Finally! The score board said 1! Group 1 was entering now, the group was awfully large for one group, even though a hay ride has limited space, we were still placed on. Janna, mum, and I were the only of Group 2 placed on the Group 1 ride. Despite that fact that I love hayrides, the hayride sucked. We were cramped and immobile, so we couldn’t turn around to see anything, all we could do was see what we missed as we drove away.

On the other hand, we were the first to enter the actual house! It was so fun because we had no one to catch up to and we were going too quick for anyone to catch up to us. My favorite part was when we were walking through a dark creepy room and my mom walked straight into a window! She hit her forehead really hard and then as a reflex, punched the window with her fist, making it feel even worse. Other than that though, when we were walking outside in the garden, the was a chainsaw guy and mum got so scared that she untied my shoe with her foot, pushed me into the chainsaw, then I countered and pushed her back. Janna and mum would not wait for me to tie my shoe, so I waited. They got rid of the slide which sucked, but I guess it was because people were getting hurt from it. When we walked down the stairs which replaced the slide, it led us to a carnival room. Before we entered we had to grab 3-D glasses because of the popping colors.

Lastly, we walked away from the house and into another line, but obviously the line was empty, since we were the first people! This section was called Paranoia, a blind maze. The idea of Paranoia is you wear a blindfold, while you hold onto a rope that leads you through the maze. This time though, the people were allowed to touch you, so I was getting tickled with a feather, and also horns were blowing in our ears. At points the rope would change into a fence, then into a gate, then into a pipe, so it was hard to follow. The people following us told us to duck right when Janna was about to hit her eye. She faced the same injury as mum.

Fright Farm was very good this year and the spooks were amazing! Obviously, my favorite part was when Janna and mum hit their heads!

Chooch’s Haunted House Review 2018: 2 in 1!

chooch, Guest Post, haunted houses

Oct 192018

Crawford School of Terror

Crawford School of Terror is regarding a girl named Margaret who has a crush on her teacher, but he is dating another teacher in the building. Margaret gets jealous and kills the teacher he is dating. Now she haunts the school and targets anyone in the school.

To start, we, and by “we”, I mean my mom and me, walked down the steps into the gym which is where we get in line. Right of the bat I noticed a big black box in the relative corner of the gymnasium. We bought our tickets and walked into the line the crew members told us to enter. An older couple walked into the black box and all we heard was high-pitched screaming. We expected it to be very scary and jumpy in there, but it didn’t feel as nerve-racking as it was in line… We walked through the vast darkness of the “maze” while avoiding the sides because that is where the people jump at you and scream.

After the short maze, was an empty line in which we went through immediately. The person at the front of the line lead us into the teacher’s lounge, where we watched an overview of the Crawford School and also learned about Margaret’s doings. We were sorted into a group with the old couple who were in front of us and continued up the stairwell of many stairs. As we approached the very top of the stairwell, we were met by a creepy zombie-ish thing. This creature opened a door for us and we walked into the classrooms. For the most part, the beginning was the same as last year, there was a dark creepy room with a child sitting at a desk rocking back and forth. I expected her to jump up and scream, but she just sat there and kept rocking.

Then, we were sent to the principle’s office and he threw his book at the wall and screamed, “WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS VISITING ME!!!” He told us to leave immediately or else. He gestured towards an open cabinet that lead into a bathroom. The bathroom was very small and cramped, so I opened a stall door, and there you have it! An open stall that went into another room, a bathroom, again… This time though, a girl was staring at herself in the mirror and cried, “LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO ME!!!” There was blood writing on the mirror and the girl was all bloody as well.

Returning from prior years, was a hallway full of lockers. I remembered this part and dashed down the hall, not stopping to the loud sparks of the lights. At the same time though, we were light years away from the couple behind us, so now we were alone.

*RING* *RING* It is lunch time!!! The lunch menu for today is human flesh and brains! But not for me! I almost got sacrificed for the food! I escaped through the freezer and entered a hole in the wall. There was someone around the corner of the hole who scared us. There was another hall, it was boring and uneventful, until we saw into the next room. Inside was a pig man chopping up meat. Human meat? Mum was scared and tried to push me, but I told her to face her fears. We stood there for about a minute and a half, until I shoved mum inside. The pig man scraped his cleaver against a metal frame, which caused sparks to fly out.

Finally, we exited the building and I could feel the change in temperature as soon as we stepped out. Crawford School of Terror was amazing and I recommend it to anyone in our near the Connellsville area. Although, the real scary part was when Henry forgot how to drive and turned right into a one-way street. Not only a street, but a HIGHWAY!

The Scream Factory

As soon as we pulled into the creepy, abandoned factory, I realized that this was going to be a fun and quick haunted house. My reasoning is that there was no line and the factory looked real creepy. The one staff member walked over to us and following him was a small, white dog. In the line, I saw in the distance Michael Myers! At first, I was scared, but then I realized he seemed nice. He showed us where to go to enter the haunted house and then ran ahead to go in to get ready. As soon as we walked in, it was decorated very nicely with smoke and boards that blocked up entry ways. The first person that came out was Michael when we walked through a door. I asked him, “What do you think about the new Halloween movie that is coming out?” and he said, “I love it!”

We departed and I said goodbye! My mum’s favorite room was the next one. It was a dinner table with human limbs lying on plates and in bowls. The people in the room asked if we wanted to have dinner and I replied, “No, I already ate.” Michael was waiting for us in a stairwell and he stabbed the air with his knife. We followed him again and I tried not to lose him because he could protect us. My mum and I learned that no room was left non-decorated. Even the rooms with no actors were decorated.

Eventually, we started to get sick so we had to visit the hospital. The doctor was standing like a crab on the operation table. He warned us to leave because he will try to eat us, but we were too late because he started to follow us. It was getting towards the end and we were standing in a stair well. The doctor guy was telling us that we should go, or we would die. We saw him. A chainsaw guy, trying to get the chainsaw started. We ran for our lives and everyone was following us, but the chainsaw guy. I guess he couldn’t get the thing working.

When we were finally out of the haunted house, Michael approached us and asked if I wanted to get a picture with him. Of course I said, “Yes!” because he was pretty much my best friend.

As a wrap, that was Scream Factory and I recommend it if you want a quick scare!

Chooch’s Haunted House Reviews, 2017: Deviant

chooch, Guest Post, haunted houses

Nov 122017

Last Saturday we (mum and I) went to a haunted house, which is actually an Asylum, called Deviant. The whole way there, it was a two hour drive, I played Stranger Things: The Game (Not Spons) on my tablet and I ended up getting pretty far. We got there and there was still half an hour for it to even open. We waited in line and I had to go to the bathroom, so I got out of line and went to the nearest port-o-potty and I checked inside. What I found shocked me because I cracked open the door a little bit and saw plastic covering the entrance. I rolled my eyes and ducked under the line and waited. Some other guy wanted to see why I hadn’t went in and why I walked back disappointedly, so he went and opened it. He opened it all the way and an air-horn went off and he flinched and flew backwards. Everyone laughed and I just stood there and shook my head while mumbling, “At least that wasn’t me!”

We finally entered with a group of four when the guy called for a group of two and we (again mum and I) went up. Daddy got out of line and everyone laughed at him because they thought he was scared, which he was. Instantly we went in and there wasn’t a ray of light; it was pitch-black.

It was petty at the beginning. Nothing really happened. Boy, did that change quickly! We got into this one room and it was THE LONGEST passage of blue lights and we were surprised that no one scared us. They are smart because it made us more scared expecting something to happen. Then, there was a guy with a knife who followed mum for a VERY long time and I didn’t understand why she was trying to get in front of me. After a few rooms there was one that was probably even more sinister than the blue light room; a long hallway with DOORS! The doors were slamming open and shut and there was only ONE jump-scare in the whole hall.

My favorite part in the whole attraction was the dubstep room where it was just flashing, colorful lights and dubstep music in the background. In the part there was a GIANT TEDDY-BEAR!!! I sang, danced, and said, “Hi,” to the bear. Then I quickly realized that there were clowns. I don’t mind clowns, but they ruined the aesthetic of the room. But then the room ended and I was very sad. Now we went through dark, displeasing rooms with spooky people.

The final room contained safety fences that formed a path. I instantly thought, “Oh no. Zombies,” but there were only two people: one was screaming someone’s name, the other just spooking people. It was a very dark and scary room and I thought we would die. I saw light! A very rare ray of light! I walked towards it and I saw nature–the exit! I breathed in the fresh air and my eyes widened–chainsaw! I ran ahead of mum and pushed her back, but when I went to push her I hit her really hard. I didn’t realize it until I escaped, but I felt bad, which mum wouldn’t believe.

The way back was very eventful because … I beat Stranger Things: The Game! Also please note that I just recently started to understand semicolons so I will be using them very often from now on.

Chooch’s Haunted House Review 2017: Crawford Haunted School

chooch, haunted houses

Nov 052017

The Crawford School of Terror was WAAY better than last year and the main reason for this was because it felt like more of the school was used and it was less dialogue and more walkthrough and jump-scare.

To begin, it was decently chilly that day and inside of the school was the line and it was desolate, and dull, it was so gray and dusty. It was about five minutes until we got in and we ended up having to go up with the people in front of us, but thankfully when we got to the top of the stairwell, the staff let them go by themselves.

Inside of the actual “haunted” part there were classrooms (Obviously) and there was a girl sitting at a desk and when we were about to walk into the next classroom, she screamed, “Don’t go in there!” When she said that I took a minute break standing in the arch way in the center of the first and second classroom and then I proceeded. It was pretty plain and mum thought that it was going to suck because there was no dialogue but that quickly changed once we got further into the attraction. There was my favorite-ish part when the fog layer (That one fog room in most haunted houses that have a layer of fog that looks like water) room came and I looked under the layer and saw someone crawling toward us under it hidden and I said, “Uh-oh,” then he jumped up and screamed.

I said, “I saw him coming from under the smoke,” and of course daddy had to say, “No you didn’t.” I just ignored him because I was triggered.

There was a hallway that we walked down and there was a shock thing and it was high up and it started making a taser noise and it was really loud. Then some girl started screaming and talking about how her “trophy?” was stolen and she thought that mum stole it then she said, “I didn’t steal it.” Then the girl said, “Well, then you better find it!” I was really excited! I really thought we were going to have to find her trophy, but no it was just part of the act. ):

Then there was a cafeteria and the lunch lady offered me worms and I said, “Umm, nah!”

Then she replied with, “THEN GET OUT OF MY CAFETERIA!”

I said, “OK, jeez!” and walked towards the door then I came to a jolt when I saw someone sitting at a table and I tried to slide past but she got up and screamed.

The next room I’m pretty sure was a pitch black hallway and some clown guy was banging on the walls and popped out and mum told me that she had almost peed her pants so I told the clown that.

Then the end came and we walked out and thought everything was over until someone popped out from behind the stairs and mum got scared again. I’m pretty sure she did pee her pants that time.

THE END. Have a good day/night!

Chooch’s Haunted House Reviews, 2017: Castle Blood

chooch, haunted houses

Oct 192017

Castle Blood: 2017 (Nostalgia Tour?)

Saturday, October 14th we went to Castle Blood and I’m not going to tell you too much detail what happens because it might ruin the fun for you.

First, in the beginning where you get info on what you have to scavenge for, this year there was a clock in the middle of the room and you pick a number and the number you pick is the year of a random tour that has the items you have to search for. The kid in our group picked 6, so it gave us the year 2006 which was a Witch’s Goblet, Web, and a Widow. With the web it allegedly was a token but we ended up not getting it because we couldn’t solve the puzzle.

Also, in the part where we go up the stairs, we couldn’t get up because we had to tell a Halloween joke to get approved. So I panicked because I wish my friend was here because she is a jokester!

I stuttered and said, “U-mm, what- what does- is a ghost’s favorite -fruit- berry?”

There was a brief uncomfortable moment of silence and while people stared at me I gulped and said awkwardly, “A “booberry”, oh haha!”

The guy who asked us stood there perplexed and said, “Umm, I guess, umm, I guess that will be acceptable.”

I stood there all flustered and hopeful to get the beads because I like being praised, but he bequeathed the beads to the other kid and he was pronounced the leader of the faction. The kid strolled up the stairs like he ran the place and I slowly trampled up behind him.

The next most important part was how we searched for a specific piece of glass around the place, I won’t tell what it is, you will have to find out yourself.

We made it to the lab where there was a puzzle to get the token, but it ended up being too challenging so we didn’t get it. I sensed the blood rushing up to my brain about to burst because I felt agony. Agony from not solving the puzzle.

Then, there was a funeral and mum was picked to kneel down to the corpse (Freddy?) and say that she misses him. Which then some girl had to put the roses/flowers in one of the heads that she thinks could be Freddy’s and then the head would talk and say like thank you and stuff. Then we got a glass piece.

Then there was a part where I got sprayed by like water. It was a part with a spider queen and she asked if we had anything for her and we all said no and she told us to leave. Then one of her baby spiders sprayed me because I was standing right next to it.

Finally, we got to the part where we would get the witch’s goblet. The witch said that she had some glass transforming thing that turned glass into (not telling) and she took our glass piece and put it in a pot.

Then she pulled out a goblet out of the other pot and said, “Hmm, this isn’t a (not telling) I’ll just put it back.”

So she reached for the other pot and was about to drop it, so I said, “Oh no, don’t do that! We need that goblet!”

“Need it? Why would you need a goblet?”

“For a quest.”

“Ahh I see, so here you go,” and she handed it to me and I refused.

I said, “Oh no, give it to him he needs it,” and I pointed at the other kid.

She handed the goblet to the kid and his dad snatched it from him, and then they started “brawling” and “screeching”.

That was the end of the quests and we got our fangs along with some oozing red candy as blood for the fangs. In my opinion, Castle Blood was marvelous because I loved the part where I got to tell a joke, I loved all of the puzzles, and I love how the actors take good responsibility with their roles. They really take part in their characters! You should all go and enjoy yourself.

So enjoy your day and stay tuned because I will be doing another Haunted post pretty soon!

Chooch’s Haunted House Reviews 2017: Hundred Acres Manor

chooch, haunted houses

Oct 122017

Wednesday, we went to Hundred Acres Manor, and by we I mean my mom and me because Henry was spooked and scared. In my opinion, HAM this year was better than last year’s HAM. At the same time we were there I had an essay to finish but I will get to that at the end.

While we were in line waiting for HAM to open there was this couple, and another guy who was the third wheel, which the guy kept picking up the girl so she could see something and she kept saying she could see and for him to stop, so he was very annoying.

Getting ready to go in!

When we got into the inside line there were these two girls with the “Plague” and they were traumatizing everyone in line. Then they both saw me and started traumatizing me instead. They ignored mom because they said she was already “sick”. Then one of the girls was a Victorian lady and she asked me how I wanted to die and I said with no hesitation at all, “I want to get eaten by a cat!”

Then she said confusedly, “Well that’s different.”

Then she walked away because she was weirded out. Then I had to say very loud so everyone can hear me, “I am safe right here!”

So then the Victorian girl came over and leaned very close to my face and said, “You are not safe here, the monsters inside will eat you and you will end up like me, and if they don’t eat you, I will.”

Then mom said, “You like her.”

Then I glared back at her, crossed my arms and said, “Sure I do.”

Then she rolled her eyes and said, “You keep smiling when she comes over.”

“She is IN MY FACE!”

“Well you keep taunting her!”

“UGHHHHHH!”

When the doors finally opened we waited a while then I kept doing the word “elevator” in sign language because of the next part in the haunted house. Then we were by ourselves and mom instantly squirming and asking, “Is that real?”

Then I say no and we kept walking towards the elevator and the house owner (I guess) asked us if we were ready and we were quiet. Then he said, “I said are you ready!”

Then mom said, “Yes,” but I said, “No.”

Then quickly realized that that was a bad idea because he started glaring at me. Then the elevator door opened and we walked in.

A little bit further in we got to a whole outside part and it smelled of a mix of sewage, fog machine gas, and also the smell that the people spray to make it smell bad intentionally. So mum started gagging and making the noise you make when you are about to throw up because it smelled really bad. Then there was her favorite part, the re-birth part, where you walk through those cushioning things, but it was like we were actually getting re-birthed because the room was glowing red and there was a thumping of a heartbeat.

Then another one of her favorite parts was when we were walking through the foul stench of butchered meat in the slaughterhouse. She was also coughing herself moribund. Then we got to a house that had a Halloween party going on inside, and the girl who answered the door said,

“Oh thank you so much for coming! But you guys aren’t DRESSED UP!”

“Well we forgot, sorry.”

“Don’t LIE to me!”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Enjoy your time here!”

So we walked through the house and then music came on and I started grandma dancing. While I was dancing the host came out and said, “Why aren’t you enjoying yourself!?”

Then I said, “I am. I was just dancing to the wonderful music!”

“Oh you were! Thank you guys so much! Have a great day and thanks for coming!”

That was my favorite part because it was the least scary!

Me after HAM, I am spooked!

We left Hundred Acres Manor and while we drove away, we could really smell the sewage. Then me and mom told dad all about HAM because that’s what we do.

We started heading to Eat n’ Park to meet our friend Chris. While we were waiting to order I was very tired and also couldn’t think about anything else but my essay because I only had two paragraphs on it and I needed to write 5 bodies. Then our waitress came over and took our orders.

Suddenly it became such a ludicrous moment because I ordered the salad bar and came back with a salad with no dressing. Chris and mumsy started making fun of me because of that. I didn’t understand but I thought maybe it was adult humor that I didn’t understand because it’s bad.

Haha, Cheerio!

Chooch’s Haunted House Review: Valley of Terror 2017

chooch, Guest Post, haunted houses

Oct 022017

So this is it, the first haunted house review of 2017. So this place was about an hour away, and GOD was I bored. We got there but it ended up being the wrong place, it was some redneck festival or some kind of derby. We don’t know that for sure but the amount of middle-aged men and women in camo jackets and bandannas covering their bald head was immense. The actual haunted house was down the street a little more.

So we finally arrived at the actual haunted house and not some stupid festival. The place was somewhat crowded but yet again not really. It was also very frigid, but thankfully they had fires. Oh and also this photo was taken right after I saw this little witch and said,

“Don’t even ask-,”

“Go stand over there and I’ll take a picture.”

“Well, I expected this.”

We eventually got our tickets, after the ticket people asked why only two, so I said with no hesitation ,

“Because he is too scared,”

Then one of them asked, “Why are you too scared?”

“I’m not scared,” Dad groawled (my new word for groaning and growling at the same time)

Example: The tone of every word Henry Robbins says.

We got in and I instantly ran to the fire and warmed up.

We were bored and mom made me get a picture with her even though I was still warming up by the fire, oh and also we were waiting because the present hay-ride was crowded and we wanted space to ourselves so we waited till it left, and we were also waiting for it to get darker out. Somehow it got super dark in like 30 minutes, and I was confused how I didn’t see the night getting dimmer.

I asked daddy to be the killer because he has a beer-belly in real life and in the cutout, and also because daddy is a country man with a chainsaw.

We got on the hay-ride sooner or later, but it took forever because I guess the first one didn’t go until it was super dark out, and then while we were on the next one we had to wait for the first one to go through the whole thing just so we can get all of the people because while we were on, most of the guys followed us forever. While we were waiting, this dude was driving some like tractor thing with a coffin on the back of it and then some lady was like,

“Oh that’s a coffin ride, you pay $5 per person to ride in the coffin, and he takes you to the little cemetery and you get your picture taken.”

Then some lady said, “Oooooh, we have to do that! We have to do that after this, we are going to do it, right???”

The lady was way too stoked I thought maybe she was gonna push everyone out of the way to be first in line for it because she kept saying how fun it sounded and how she was going to do it.

So after like 20-30 minutes we finally started to go and move forward. We saw the fake cemetery that you drive past in the coffin. I thought it was real and you go a pretty far distance but, no. Also it was a pretty long while until the first guy approached us, and of course it was a fun house/show, but it wasn’t a clown like you would suspect, no it was a ring master type guy, he wore mostly all black with white stripes on most of what he was wearing. He also had white face paint with black eye shadow and outline around his mouth. Then some psycho patient guy was climbing on all of the bars and poles on the trailer and he was getting in everyone’s face and business. Then I saw Freddy, of course because he is a very popular choice at haunted houses, he started climbing and doing weird gymnastic type stuff all of the tractor and I could of sworn he was going to fall and break a leg or something, but no. He also jumped onto a hearse and started riding on top of it while it was moving, and it was some crazy stuff.

During the hay-ride, I didn’t want all of the monsters to stay all over me, so I told all of them that my mom was making fun of them even though she wasn’t.

Then, there were these chainsaw guys who made me cringe because they had they saws pressed against the bars and it was making a screeching sound and it started to vibrate the whole floor of the tractor, and he did it right next to me!

Then we came to a stop and we got off. Now we had to separate into 2 groups, I guess 5 to 5. We ended up with the two ladies who were talking about the coffin ride thingy. They were fine, they weren’t annoying. We had to go through a corn maze which was really simple and boring because the 1st group got every single chainsaw guy and we got through no problem what so ever. Then that was the end of the hay-ride/maze part. Now onto the actual haunted house! So mom and I went through by ourselves and she was like panicking and stuff and I held onto her so she didn’t get scared, but it made her even more scared because she kept asking if that was me holding her. Then every haunted house has to have a doll room, so we got into the doll room and the girl asked if we wanted to play and I said,

“Sure! What do you wanna play?”

Obviously, no one ever asked her what she wanted to play because most people run and scream. So she took a while to find something to play, and then she glanced at the dolls and then mum pulled me out of that room and I called,

“Sorry! Can’t play right now!”

Skipping ahead a little bit we got to one of those cushioned tunnel or in mum’s words, Birth Canal. Of course mum hates it so she zoomed through it while I fell behind.

She was running so fast that I had to keep up with her and then we caught up to the group that went in 10 minutes before us. Oh and she also kept going,

“What is THIS???”

“What is THAT???”

“Omg!!!”

Then there was this weird hearse road thing and there were two hearses that were like crashed and trashed. Then some pig guy jumped at us and mum left me behind.

After all of that there was a slaughter house type thing where a pig looking butcher dude was staring at me and I said,

“I don’t approve of what you do for a living,”

Get it? I don’t like how he chops up, you know? No? Whatever.

Then there was this man with a cattle prod and he was snapping it constantly and it was creepy.

Then yet again with the cringe there were these chainsaw guys using the saw on metal again! And it was very CRINGY!

So those were all of the important parts of the Hay-Ride and Haunted House part of Valley of Terror that I could gather for you all today, but there is still one more thing I need to add.

This was taken in the coffin ride because mum and I chose to do it together because she refused to do it without me, definitely not the other way around….

So she thought it was just going to be a plain old boring ride in a fake coffin but there was a twist. It took forever basically and when we got to the cemetery the lights in the coffin turned off, and there was this weird lullaby or chant sang by these creepy kids, and then the base of the coffin shocked us, and also mum would not stop talking through the whole thing.

So there you go, those are all of the important details that I could possibly gather up for this post. See ya!

#HauntedHouse4L

haunted houses, Obsessions

Nov 232016

As someone who is very into haunted houses and has been keeping haunted house journals since 1995 (!!!), it was a no-brainer that I needed this tattoo when Erin from Kyklops posted her original painting of it on Instagram.

I just got it today after work and I am so smitten with it! It’s on my upper back and it’s been a long time since I got tattooed on my back so that was a nice eye-opener. (And thumb-biter.)

It took Henry fifteen minutes in three different rooms with 726397 different variations of lighting to try to take a picture, and none of them were right. So then Chooch took over and got it done in two tries because Chooch is the best. (Just ignore the fact that part of the left side is cut off and my hair is in it. I take what I can get around here.)

Anyway, now I’m stoked for next October!

Thanks for another supremely magnificent tatttoo, Erin! And I only almost passed out once!

Riley’s Haunted House Recap 2016: #1

chooch, haunted houses

Oct 192016

Hey guys it’s Riley back again with a review, a haunted house review. So its 2016 finally back in October, back in haunted house season!
So we went to three already and I’m going to tell you about all three.

Hundred Acres Manor

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Hundred Acres Manor wasn’t that good this year but it was still pretty cool. Daddy took us to Hundred Acres Manor. So yeah, you probably guessed I asked daddy to let me use his phone, and he was pissed but I didn’t care. Anyway when we got there daddy started to watch T.V. Shows on his phone like NCIS and Person of Interest. We got in line and i saw a kid that was in 6th Grade at my school, lets call him Paul. But that’s not important, whats important is there was a costume, a person, a person in a costume, A CHAP STICK COSTUME!!!! It was a weird costume but awesome. I was hoping for a fist bump for when i got up front and she did it! I was so happy.

Okay so to the important stuff. When we went in (Finally) it was the exact same as every other year (I WASN’T SCARED) so of course it started with the elevator then, I don’t remember what was next but i do remember this part where there was a guy getting shocked/executed and Paul was scared to go past because the (fake) guy getting executing was blocking the way. So Paul finally jumped out of the way and we got to move on. Then the group in front of us since the group in front of the group we were in (Paul’s Group is the group in front of our group I forgot to mention we weren’t originally in their group) were going so slow we caught up to them. So there was this part where a zombie was above you trying to get down but there is a rail in the way, so he pushes it down and he starts going like *Ahhhh* and this guy (lets call him Joey) was going clueless as hell and didn’t know where to go so Joey was just like *DOOOY* and there was clearly black plastic strips you had to walk through and we were just standing there in perpetuity.

So instead of writing every freaking detail I’ll just tell you the new parts. So instead of having the maze there was an Alien Part where we were going through a UFO of some sort and this General guy told ME (SPECIFICALLY) not to touch ANYTHING in the UFO thingy so I listened and didn’t touch anything. Oh and also it’s good to be petite because I don’t have to duck in the like cave parts where it swoops down and adults have to duck to get under. All I have to do is nothing. I just keep walking. I don’t have to duck or anything.

Then we went into some house that had music playing *Mr.Sandman Specifically* and Children’s Drawings all over the walls *UGH SO CREEPY* and the lady who lived there lived right next to the Space Craft thingy. So I told her “Are you aware you live next to a giant Space Craft?” and she said “Of course! It’s the best part of living here” (She doesn’t actually live there for the people who thought ‘Wow, she lives in the property of Hundred Acres Manor!’ No she role-play’s like she lives there obviously.)

That was the last part I think. So when we left the building there was a table with two guys giving out some like TEAM NUTZ slip thing and mommy thought it was for bands playing somewhere but then she realized “Oh” its… these. So yeah that is this part of this (Essay?) If you enjoyed this part, comment “Vote H4M”

Allen’s Haunted Hayride & Tavern of Terror

Okay so to start off Me, Mommy, Blake, and his girlfriend Haley went to Allen’s Haunted Hayride first, then we went to the Tavern of Terror.

Okay so we got in line and it was horrible because it was muddy and stuff, so my shoes got dirty. Well they didn’t really get dirty but they were pretty dirty. We finally made it to the Hayride and the first significant parts was that there were TMNT people and they through candy into the hayride and mommy got a piece and i wrestled her and got it and she whined and said “Ha! I found another one!” and I wanted to take it. So she whined the whole time. The second significant part was there was a part with clowns, and Haley hates clowns, so I said “Take her she hates clowns!” so they got in her face and she was freaking out.

The next significant parts was there was “The REAL Michael” came, and you’ll see why I call him that in a second. So there was a fake Michael Myers and then mommy was like “That’s creepy” then the “actual” Michael ran at us and Mommy slid away so when I tried to lean back on mommy I hit the girl sitting next to her. Mommy said “OH THAT’S THE REAL MICHAEL!” and moved away and then Michael crouched/tea-bagged me. Okay then there were these girls at the other side of the tractor and they were talking to this guy (said to be named Avery by the girls) and he was supposed to be their friend, but I don’t think he was.

Then one of the Allen’s who sat with the driver got kicked off of the tractor because he was smoking. So we were like “Yeah, You can’t smoke on the tractor.”

So that was the Hayride! If you enjoyed this part go comment “Vote H4YR1D3”

This is the of Terror and there was no one in line for it so we were the first to go in. But we kinda had to wait because the nurse wasn’t in her spot. In the enterance there was a pirate and he told me to go first so I did and there was the bar first. And there was a bartender and a pirate, like I told you about. There was also another part where you walk through a tunnel and there are these gloved hand that grab you and it’s weird.

There was also a carnival with the Joker and the main attraction Shark-Ini, but he’s gone and you have to escape before he finds you. You had to walk through this mirror tunnel, which was trippy as hell. There was a monster guy who looked a little like Sloth from The Goonies.

If you enjoyed this part go comment “Vote B33R”

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Mommy told Jason that daddy was scared of him so Jason stared at daddy.

Demon House

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So for Demon House I went with Blake and Haley again, but my friend, Dimajio went, too so it was an 1 hour away so it was a boring ride because Maj (What I call Dimajio) was listening to music. But we did play a game on the way there. Okay so skip ahead about 45 minutes, we were in the parking lot of the Demon House van that took you to Demon House. So me and Maj had Gatorade’s and mine was empty so we played catch and football with it. So we did that for another 45 minutes. Then finally, Blake and Haley got there. So we finally got to go in the van to get to Demon House. So I forgot to mention it was Maj’s first haunted house. He said he wasn’t scared. Maj also told me if I or an actor jumped at him he would punch me or them.

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So we got our numbers and stamps that told us we were number 9, to go in. We waited for them to call our number’s and when they did we got to sit down and wait even more. So Maj got jump scared by a ghost groundskeeper and he almost punched him across the face, but he stopped himself in time. So the whole time we were walking through Maj was holding me or Blake in front of him “Because he wasn’t scared.” We were being chased by a chainsaw guy and Maj freaked out and I thought he was going to run home. Mommy ran for her life and I only ran because the chainsaw touched me. Maj ran for the hills, if I didn’t say before.

Then we were playing hide & seek with some girl’s brother and if he found us we were dead. The whole time we were being pushed by Maj through a dark tunnel. Luckily we weren’t found. There was a carnival part and it was creepy as hell. Well Maj was really scared. There was a clown at the end of this weird fence zig-zag we were going through and he screamed in my ear and my eardrum popped.

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Well that was the end of the haunted house, but we still did more stuff.

Me and Maj got Hot Apple Cider and BBQ Lays. But daddy gave me 4$ for balloon pop 3 pins for 1 dollar. So I had 2 dollars and Maj had 2 dollars, so we both got 6 pins. He popped 1 balloon his first try and I popped none. Then with out three last pins I popped 2 balloons and he popped 1. Maj got to get 2 glow sticks and I got bubbles. There was a movie playing called “Dead Alive” and me and Maj hated it, it was so fake. Mommy said “Well, Of Course. It’s supposed to be.”

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On the way back home we got a Basket of Fries from McDonald’s and they were good. Well that brings an end to my review. If you enjoyed this part comment “Vote D3M0N”

Hopefully you vote, oh and you can’t vote twice. Good Bye!

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Chooch Does Haunts, Part 4

chooch, Guest Post, haunted houses

Nov 112015

Sewickley Haunted Church

We were going to 2 Haunted Houses on the day before Halloween. We were hungry so we stopped at Taco bell. There was a huge commotion going on. A mom and her kids were here. The kids were acting up so she was yelling at them IN THE MIDDLE of Taco Bell. They were dressed up and I’m guessing they were going to a Halloween Party. Then we ordered and sat down where we wanted to sit. It looked like there were 2 guys and a girl all dressed up like they were in a band. Mommy got excited, of course she did.

When we got to the first one, ITS THE TITLE. There were a couple mini games. It was PING PONG TOSS, Ring Toss, Tick Tac Toe, and a hockey game. I mostly played Ping Pong Toss, because I was good at it. Since I could make a shot from the other side of the room I was called savage by a about 12 yr old. No seriously he did. I tried Ring Toss but it was way too easy for me. I played PING PONG for about 30 minutes and It and I got really famous.

Mommy saw a guy dressed up as Jason and she said he was hot. She told me this today because I didn’t know. Also when we went in the actual haunted part they asked for our names and it was actually accurate because boys can be named Erin and girls can be named Riley. Yeah I said I was Erin and mommy said she was Riley. It was a carnival part. There was a huge Jack in the box and when it popped it hit mommy in the face and one of the guys touched her back on accident. There was a butcher part next and there were human body parts, not real ones, you freak!

It was really good, the HAUNTED HOUSE , not the flesh! Me and mommy went back in to say it was better than last year. Then they said we can come back for a Worship Concert. Me and mommy played it cool and as soon as we walked out the door we said WTF! ~.~

Haunted Expeditions

There is really nothing to write about because we weren’t noticed at all. The Spookers completely ignored us and we were really excited to go because it was awesome last year. But nope they changed areas so it was in a corn field. It was so %$#@*&! stupid this year. Last year there was no groups AND it was in a forest, and this year it had groups and it was out in the open so you could see what was going to happen and the group behind us kept catching up and we were invisible! OMG! We need to go to a better haunted house. Thank god we went to the Church one the same day because that made up.

There was 6 other people in our group that were in three so like friends of 3. They all became friends and when we went to the chainsaw part you could hear the f^&*$#@ chainsaw in the house so you knew what was going to happen. We got in there and the other people in our group were all standing there like “WHATRE WE GONNA DOOOO!?” like idiots. There was a curtain to exit right there and they were all blocking it. MOMMY ditched me and left me in the house with the ding dongs and idiots. And f$%^&*@ chainsaw smoke so I was dying in there. It was the end of the f%&^$#@ sh&$% a$$ haunted house for this year.

When we got in the car mommy and daddy were talking about how stupid it was. Then I said “Its like when you buy a Barbie doll and It comes with a hairbrush accessory. And you never use the hairbrush, COMPLETELY IGNORED!” then they laughed. Since me and mommy were so hungry and wanted dessert we stopped at Kings since it was on the way home. And daddy went to pee so I took mommy’ phone and took a picture of him peeing. So that was our awesome, epic/HORRIBLE day!

Chooch Does Haunts, Part 3

chooch, haunted houses

Nov 052015

(Chooch originally posted this last weekend but half of it got deleted somehow — probably Henry’s fault — so here is a new version.)

Okay, So last Thursday we went to Fright Farm and it was just me and mommy because daddy he sucks and he was “so manly”. We waited in line for less than 30 mins and then we got close to the front and a girl with a hula hoop that was on fire. Was spinning it on her waist! When we got to the front and went in, we went on a hayride and a guy (THAT WAS SO FREAKING ANNOYING) sat next to me and he wouldn’t shut up! Same with mommy except a girl sat next to her and the girl thought she was so funny. (,; ! Also, after the hay…… wait never mind let me say something. I’m not going to say what happened on the hayride in case you wanna go!

Then, We got into the asylum and we ad to wait in line for like ever! We got to the front of the line at the top part (WE HAD TO GO TO ANOTHER LINE AFTER) a crazy girl who had a high pitch voice and colored eye contacts (a bright green) was at the front of the line and then she told us to go to the bottom line! Then we got to the front of the bottom line. Thank God! The girl at the front of that line was like “Ooooooh looks like we have a kid. My sister. You know, shes crazy.” She let us go in and right when we got in, we caught up to the group in front of us and the group behind us caught up to us.

The leader of the group was Dennis. Screw him. They were all la de da and “STOP!” “Look at this!” We were so annoyed we wanted to push them into a lake and leave. But we would probably go to jail for that, so. Then there was a chainsaw guy and they were all like “OMG” “LOOK! HAHA!” It was our chance, we could finally run through! I felt free like a unicorn in the sky! Then we caught up to another group because we ran so *!@$&*# fast. But they went a decent speed. Thank god for that because I’M not waiting an hour looking at some stupid decoration. *WHISPERS TO SELF: God screw Dennis*

When we caught up to them it was near the end so we were close to “THE MAZE”. The maze wasn’t as good as it was last year, when we went with “GODFORBID JANNA. There weren’t as many spooky people in their. We got out to see a small crowd of people waiting for a friend they lost in the maze. I think her name was Jody but that doesn’t matter. Wait does it? But what if she died. R.I.P Jody: Died October 21, 2015: You will forever be in our hearts. Died of “LOST IN MAZE SYNDROME. Hmm, So then was a sort of “Disco Stew” part, and there were flashing lights, lasers, strobe lights! Oh yeah and fog, so we couldn’t see #$@*! 2 guys came up on us, and mommy scared the crap out of me because she jumped. Then there was girl who said “They r doin the whip n’ nae nae down there” K to start this off, MOMMY HATES THE WHIP N’ NAE NAE! She hates it so much. What did Silento ever do to her? Who knows? Comment to tell me. Then we found out they weren’t doing the whip and nae nae down there. ): Then I saw a guy that I saw before we went in line. I was going to the porta potty and some guy came out. I went in and that was it. I know beautiful story. No need to tell me. That really it, beside the fact we got lost after and we had to find a sheetz because I was hungry and she wanted a coffee, and we had to call daddy and he told us to download the sheetz app and so we did and we ended up finding in the direction were going. The easiest spot ever! That’s it!

DUNGEON OF HORRORS

We went to Dungeon of Horrors (ITS BASICALLY JUST A PENITENTIARY, BUT HAUNTED). We went with my aunt, Amy, my cousin, Brooke, and my uncle, Dick. We went on October 25. Daddy was too big of a wuss and he sucked. There was a projector projecting the rules of conduct that you have to follow in the prison. One part there was a guy urinating and the rule was “no urinating please”. Amy said that they wouldn’t say that if someone didn’t do it. But it didn’t say you couldn’t do it outside. When we got in there was a little height and number thing you could hold up and get your picture taken. We had to act like we were actually going to prison. They made us put our hands on our head and it hurt so freaking bad. Some lady smiled so she had to go in a cell for the rest of the time. Then WE had to go in a cell and scream as loud as we could. We ended up being able to come out but cell 9 had to stay.

Then we had to go in a coffin ONE-BY-ONE. I was last so the 2 people who were putting our group in the coffins were torturing me.. It took us through a curtain thing into another room. Mommy, Brooke, Amy, and Dick were waiting for me. When I came out there was a guy who opened the coffin door and screamed in my face. We then had to go in a doctors room. The doctor needed a new face so he asked Brooke. She didnt talk to me, mommy, or daddy for the rest of the day. I think it was because she was still scared. Then it was A WALKING DEAD part with the theme, zombies, gates. It was sort of like the “PRISON” season with the gates all falling down. Makes so much sense! There were a lot of zombies and then were 2 and they were all on mommy. It was Fun House part and there were 2 clowns and they said something and I said “How is it?” the clowns asked “How is what?” Then another kid said how is life and the clowns said it’s good. Then I said it’s about to end! The clowns laughed and thought it was funny.

There was one of those spinning tunnels that paralyses you or something. There was a part where there was a guy in some torture device and he got executed. Then after he was executed he got up, and scared the crap out of mommy. I don’t know how but yeah. There was a paintball part and if mommy knew about she would’ve got money but nope. I would’ve shot her anyway. I would have to turn around to shoot her. Then we went to the gas station and guess what the total was. $6.66, Holy crap! That is some devil @#!* right there. We had some weird and creepy night! Then we came home and watched The Walking Dead. Don’t get me started on THAT!

Castle Blood: The Ultimate Halloween Adventure

haunted houses

Oct 222015

If you’ve ever read this blog before, for either recreational or self-torture purposes, you might know that I’m just a tiny bit obsessed with haunted houses. Some might even consider it to be a glaring character flaw.

I’m lucky to live in Pittsburgh (and that’s one of the few times I will ever say that) because this region is popping off with haunts every October. While I’m sure it’s possible to go to every single one if you have the time (and money!), I try to mix it up every year. But there is one that is always in my official lineup, and that’s my beloved Castle Blood. I first went to this one in 1996 with my mom, and it’s been in my repertoire ever since.

(I think my favorite time ever was when I met Andy from Child’s Play there. Swooning for days.)

This is Castle Blood’s second year in its current location—an abandoned funeral home in Monessen. A funeral home, you guys. This joint is naturally creepy! Henry, Chooch, and I brought Janna and Kara with us on opening weekend. It was Kara’s first time visiting the Castle, and I was really stoked for her to experience it because it is absolutely unlike any other haunted house around. They don’t rely on blood and gore, or chainsaws and puking animatronics. Instead, what they have in spades is brilliant story-telling, originality, and a committed cast that never break character and will back hecklers into a wall with their human-hating snark and impeccably-timed ab-libbing skills. You might think you’re just buying a ticket for a haunted house, but you’re getting a little slice of theater, too.

(My current favorite denizen is Shard. He is a fiendishly blasé, apathetic vamp; getting past him requires one to practically wade through his ennui. Don’t eff with Shard, you guys. He’s not in the mood.)

(I told him, in a giddy half-whisper, that he was my favorite the last time I was there, and Henry muttered, “You’re so dumb.”)

The Castle Blood storyline changes every year, but the premise remains the same: in the beginning, your group is given three talisman to collect, and then you’re sent through the Castle, where you interact with various denizens who are there to reluctantly assist you on your quest.

This is an intelligent game, one that behooves the player to pay attention and engage their brain, not their vocal chords. And while I consider myself to be at least mildly astute, Castle Blood never fails to reduce me to a giggling airhead. This time around, we were told to find the bone, the stone, and the crone. “What’s a crone?” I whispered to Janna.

“It’s an old lady,” she patiently told me. This is why we’ve been friends for 20+ years — she has a boatload of patience.

Meanwhile, Kara was looking for a hood ornament the whole time, because she thought it was “chrome.” And Chooch thought it was “crumb.” It’s a good thing we had Janna with us. Even though she has a million college degrees and couldn’t open Gravely Macabre’s puzzle box so we didn’t win the game. Thanks a lot, Janna!

We learn lots at Castle Blood!

Professor Scrye, silently judging my mortal inadequacies.

After her maiden voyage through the Castle, Kara was inspired to come back with her kids, Harland and Theo, and husband Chris for the no-scare matinee that Castle Blood offers on select Sunday afternoons. We met them out there with Chooch’s two friends, Olivia and Sophia. Harland and Olivia were a little leery of entering the Castle, but they keep the lights on for the matinees, there are no jump scares, and the denizens pass out candy! And the kids still get to go on the quest, so they still get a taste of the true spirit of the haunt.

Before we went in, I told Chooch to let the other kids do all of the volunteering parts, since he was just there and also, HE ALWAYS HOGS THE ATTENTION. He said he was cool with that, but I could tell it was absolutely killing him to not shoot his arm into the air and cry, “Oooh, oooh! Pick me!” and I could see him twisting and contorting his lips as he struggled not to blurt out the answers to questions.

I can only imagine how annoying he must be in school.

The matinee is the perfect stepping stone into the haunted house scene. We started taking Chooch when he was 2 and it wasn’t much longer after that when he said he felt ready to go to the real thing. Plus, it’s a way cooler alternative to the obligatory pumpkin patch field trip.

The kids took the quest very seriously (and Kara’s other son, Theo, took the job of choosing candy very seriously!). It’s impressive how well the cast is able to bait and hook the attention of the younger set. (And mine too, for that matter.)

Gravely with one of the few mortals he can tolerate.

Henry has since replaced me with this younger broad with no gray hairs.

Afterward, Sophia mentioned that she wants to go back at night, and Kara told me a few days later that Harland drew a maze with a bone, stone, and crone in it—the next generation of Castle Blood fans!

***

If you’re local to the Western PA area and want a unique Halloween experience, I highly recommend it. Additional info can be found on their website. And if you don’t have time to get there this Halloween season, they usually do Christmas and Valentine tours too, so keep your eye on their website or like them on Facebook. Tell them Chooch sent ya!

Chooch Does Haunts, Part 2

chooch, Guest Post, haunted houses

Oct 182015

Demon House

Ok! Hello. Well we went to Demon house on Friday and we went with Janna. But half way there God forbid Janna had to take a SH**! Ok so when we got there It was kind of chilly. But there was a fire pit! We had a group but I wanted a group so we got one! In the group was a dad a mom and a daughter, Hanna. Ugh, Mommy says I have a crush on her. She cried through most of it and she had makeup on so you could see the mascara ink run down her face. So there was a “Really Dark Maze” That wasn’t a maze at all because it was just a zigzag tunnel. So Janna led us and we had to follow but it was ok because Janna’s not scared of anything.

So half way in the Dining room there was a blanket covering everything. So I had a feeling a ghost was going to come out. But the dad tried to look for a way out and the ghost followed cause’ it didn’t want us to leave. So then the ghost got tired of being with us so it showed us the way out. Through a bookcase. So then we were in a Carnival part and the Carnival Ringmaster came out and made me, Me, ME! Throw a ball threw a hole. I made it touch the hole but the ball was to big for the hole. So then we had to go through a CLOWN part. God Forbid Clowns! K, then on the way to the parking lot we had to take a shuttle and ride to it. Me and mommy sat down and then this smoker girl and guy who wanted to kill himself because he thought she was so freaking annoying sat across from us. But then we realized they were on a date, TO A HAUNTED HOUSE! WTF? They could go anywhere and they picked a haunted house? Wow! On the way off of the shuttle, the lady said “YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO TREAT A LADY.” Me and mommy laughed.

The Shadows

K hope you read the Demon House part because it was funnay!!!! So the next day on Saturday (the day before the PIE PARTAY!) Daddy was baking so he couldn’t drive so mommy had to drive, and you know how bad she is at finding things with the GPS. But that’s not the thing. Me and mommy got lost because… Oh wait let me tell you where we went, lol! We went to The Shadows. The GPS took us somewhere completely different. It took us in the middle of the road and said you’re here! Ugh so annoying. So then after about 10 minutes of looking we finally found it! I thought we would get lost forever because the GPS died. ); . So then we saw a fake dead cat and it got so famous. People were taking pictures and touching it.

In line me and mommy were talking about Ju-on (AKA The Grudge) and the stars and how they were formed into illuminati. But yeah um. Oh when we were walking in the trail we saw a girl. Well I saw a girl standing at the end and mommy was too busy looking at a tree. Lol! Oh probably because there was a guy standing there but everyone knows the kids are scarier. So then the tree monster came out and spooked mommy. Then at the end we caught up to the group in front of us and the chainsaw guy came after them and not us but mommy still got spooked when he said “Hey what are you doing!?!?”

I liked it.

Dark View

Yesterday on Saturday we went to Dark view in Ohio. But the best part happened before we got there when the GPS told us to go through an industrial area which mommy almost puked because she hates industrial areas. But when we got there it was freezing cold and the parking guy dude asked us if we had any alcohol, marijuana, weapons, or any sort of drug. I had a paper gun and I said “What if he thought it was real?” Then when we parked I asked mommy “Can I have my marijuana yet?” Lol! Then we saw this devil guy with beaver or squirrel shoulder pads and a cane. Mommy wanted me to get a picture with him. So I did. Then in the line there were two parts and we didn’t know which part we needed to do. So then we picked the smaller one. Then a lady came and asked “How was it?”. We said “We didn’t do it yet.” So then she told us to go do the bigger one first.

So we did and in the line for that I said if daddy got scared he could do Kawaii! But he wouldn’t get scared because he’s “THE MAN!” . When we got inside the actual haunted house part daddy almost peed his pants because he got spooked of the talking portrait that was yelling at the old lady who brought us in the house. I don’t really remember what he said but I do know he said something about taking his house. After that part we went into a library I think and the librarian was screaming and I was this close = to saying no screaming in the library. Then we got to a graveyard part and some camouflage guy got up from the ground and spooked mommy. The part after that was a garage and the guy in there was trying to build a birdhouse so then he asked who here knows how to build a birdhouse I pointed at daddy. He asked him how many can you make in an hour. Daddy said 2. I said you can make way more than 2.

Then we got into a bathroom and the girl in there said mommy wasn’t potty trained yet and some other dude needed to take a bath because she didn’t want him stinking up the house. Then she made us smell some weird smelly thing. Nobody liked the smell but me. ): The we ran into a doll room and the bathroom girl was trapped inside the wall. The dolls didn’t do anything. After that we went into a dining room with food on the table. The girl there said whos hungry well I was was so I said I was. But she didn’t feed me anything. ); Then her husband “chainsaw dude” chased us out of the house. I didn’t run. Mommy pushed me into the wall. Then in the “small house” we got in and it was like fisherman and hunter room. I had a feeling daddy wanted to go fishing after the haunted house.

Then we had to get our picture and I looked creepy as hell. Then he said he wanted to shoot one of us and we he did the lights turned off and a really loud speaker with a shotgun sound went off. But then it was just a butcher that wanted to butcher someone so me and daddy pushed mommy into him. But he ended up not butchering her. Then it was just a sort of outside thing with another camouflage guy a guy going to hang himself and he tied the rope around his neck and it magically untied. Then it was just some more outside and then a maze. The maze had a chainsaw guy and me and mommy lost daddy. BUT THEN ANOTHER CAMOUFLAGE GUY WAS THERE. Daddy went a whole different way then us because the chainsaw guy was blocking him so he didn’t want go with us. Then we froze to death. I loved it and it was worth driving that far even though we had to go through the freaking black forest in Ohio.

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