When I first got into kpop several years ago, I was all about the girl groups.

4Minute’s “Hot Issue” was the first kpop song I bought on iTunes because I loooooved the kpopx routine for it so much, and I even made it my alarm for awhile. But then I started watching actual kpop music videos and DON’T HATE but that’s when the girls kind of sort of got put in the corner in favor of the boy groups because have you SEEN THOSE BOY GROUPS?!

Hold on, let me go and walk this off for a minute or 4.

Honestly though, the girl groups are just as hot as the boys and we should all be getting way more hyped on them, so I’m going to share you with, for Woman Crush Wednesday, several videos from girl idols that I’m super stoked on lately.

First up is the brand new video from Fromis_9!

These girls are performing at KCON later this month and at first I was feeling “meh” about it, but something about this song really hooked me and now I’m really looking forward to seeing them! So the title of the song translates to something like “pit-a-pat” or “throbbing” in Korean, which is definitely what happens to my heart when I see a cat, too! And if you’re wondering why there is a “9” in their name when there are only 8 of them, I guess one of them recently left the group.

Probably, and allow me to make some generalizations and assumptions here because this is just some dinky blog and not a fucking college thesis, when people think of kpop, they probably think of what you just watched (assuming that you watched it! MORE ASSUMPTIONS! YOU GET AN ASSUMPTION, AND YOU GET AN ASSUMPTION, ASSUMPTIONS FOR EVERYONE!): super cutesy and cheesy. I mean, sure, this is definitely its own chunk of the k-niche.

But there’s so much more….

Like (G)I-DLE!

(G)I-DLE is the new girl group on Cube and I think they’ve got a bright future. This song in particular blew up FAST and they were owning it on all of the music countdown shows. It’s also Henry’s latest favorite workout routine, lol.

I’m obsessed with their name because I think, and I could be wrong because I didn’t see anything the last time I searched, it’s a play on Korean and English. So, my take is that (G)=girl and idle=idol (maybe?). The Korean is (여자)아이들, and the part in parentheses means woman, but when you combine it with the part that follows, the entire word is “girls.

” So I thought that maybe since they’re breaking the “woman” part off on its own in parentheses, the part that’s left means “children” because 아이 means “child” in Korean and the 들 pluralizes it; but when you say it out loud, it sounds like the English word “idol.” I’m probably way off and over-analyzing this but I thought it was kind of interesting!

*ASYTHMA BREATH*

Anyway, I think they’re fierce and edgy with just the right amount of playfulness.

My next pick is from a group who has since disbanded but I wanted to include it because this video is so fun and they were so fantastic while they lasted:

IOI was the final product of a kpop survival show called Produce 101 and their contract was only for about a year, I think. They’ve all mostly moved on to other groups so it helped boost a lot of careers, for sure.

For the longest time, this was my favorite song by them:

I still get so giddy when it comes on in the car and I start fake-punching Henry in the face which he loves when he’s trying to drive!

My last pick is from a new subgroup of Pristin (which is actually where one of the IOI girls ended up!):

This is another group that balances both sides so well and everything they wear in this video makes me yearn for the Delia*s catalogues from the 90s! Earlier today, Lori and I were talking about Danity Kane and Pristin V gives me some subtle DK vibes, for sure. I miss Danity Kane so much and I really think they could have done wonders for the state of American girl groups and by state I mean lack of.

I just think Korea has this formula patented at this point and will America ever catch up? Who knows, and also, who cares because I just gave you a bunch of girl groups to care about, and it shouldn’t even matter where they’re from!

If you’re feeling this at all, I have good news for you: the queens otherwise known as BLACKPINK are scheduled to make their comeback this month and I promise you, you will love them so hard. Here, I’ll leave you with one of their videos because I’m a nice blogger who cares about the well-being about your eyes and ears:

Of course, there are a shit ton of other girl groups out there, and ones that are much more popular too, but these are just my CURRENT faves. If you gave any of these a whirl, let me know what you think!

I’m going to make this short and sweet because I have a headache and I think I was poisoned.

—-THE PHONE CALL—-

Henry received a phone call from a friend on Saturday and for some reason, Chooch and I found this to be HI-larious.

“For some reason,” lol.

Immediately, Chooch and I activated our PEST SWITCH and clung to Henry with our ears pressed against his phone. He kept shrugging us off and eventually was able to get up from the couch (hello it was his fault for starting a phone conversation in the same room as us to begin with) and slowly moved onto the back porch.

I say “slowly” because we were hanging off of him. Finally, he turned around and snapped at us, getting busted by his friend on the other end who thought Henry was yelling at him. The last thing we heard before the porch door slammed in our faces was, “No not you. I’m talking to these two nebby* kids.”

*(Nebby means nosy if you live in Pittsburgh. YAY FOR LEARNING.)

“I bet he’s talking to the manager of Blush,” Chooch said, because we love to speculate that Henry is a regular at this stripclub downtown.

Then I had the brilliant idea to go outside and try to hear the conversation from below the open porch windows, but our fucking mechanic neighbor was drilling in his garage and some broad in a house behind us was screaming at her dogs. RUDE.

We tried to go back inside and act like we were just hanging out in the kitchen near the porch door for no reason, what, I’m just over here super naturally sweeping the kitchen floor like I always do why is this strange, but Henry caught us and started flashing us “I WILL KILL YOU” and “YOU FUCKERS CAN STARVE TONIGHT” glares with his eyes and then flipped us off too, wow, such class.

Chooch puked from laughing so hard.

BUT THEN I HAD THE BEST IDEA EVER.

“Chooch, go ask Blake if we can come in and try to hear through his side of the porch!” I hoarsely whispered. I hung back inside our front door because Blake is kind of an adult now and I wasn’t sure if he would be like, “Grow up, guys” but then dumb Chooch kept tossing glances at me from Blake’s front porch while he was asking, and then Blake poked his head out and looked over and saw me half-hiding, so he was just like, “Oh for god’s sake, come on in.”

Eavesdropping from Blake’s side of the house! We couldn’t really hear anything but baritone muffles. :(

By this point, we had lost interest and then Henry was off the phone and we were like, “What, you were on the phone?”

I don’t know, but something about this gave me Sunday Lock Out Vibes and I couldn’t stop laughing about it when I tried to tell people at work on Monday and they were just like, “Why are you like this.”

—-THE WHITE PIZZA INQUIRY—-

On Sunday, the three of us went to Anthony’s Coal-Fire Pizza to surprise my dad with a birthday lunch. Since we arrived first, we were perusing the menu trying to find a happy-medium for a large pizza the three of us could share. AW, A FAMILY PIZZA.

“Do you like white pizza?” I asked Chooch, a gentle inquiry if you ask me, yet this innocent question made him unhinged, you guys. He just snapped the fuck out on me.

“SERIOUSLY?! NO! NO, I DO NOT LIKE WHITE PIZZA! OH MY GOD, HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO ASK ME THAT?!” he screeched, and I was honestly stunned for a second, but don’t worry, Bitch Mommy came sprinting out on the heels of my initial stunned reaction.

So then the two of us were full-fledged quarreling in the middle of a restaurant and Henry was mouthing pleas at us. I DON’T READ LIPS, BITCH. Somehow though, the subject changed to Henry’s alleged conversation with the manager of Blush the previous day so then we remembered that we were wasting our energy fighting each other when we should have been using it to make fun of Henry. I think Henry was just happy that we weren’t starting kinetic ire-fires anymore because he actually told us that he was kicked out of a strip club in Florida too, not just Texas!

“That one wasn’t my fault though. It was the guys I was with,” he said, while ALMOST-KIND-OF SMILING.

WHOA.

Then my dad and Ryan arrived and luckily Chooch was able to restrain his shitty preteen attitude and we had a very lovely birthday lunch with my dad who I don’t see often enough and that’s totally my fault. Meanwhile, the waitress who brought over our pizza exclaimed out of nowhere how adorable Chooch is (??) and he sat there with this smug “I know” look on his face and Henry was like, “He’s only cute when he’s quiet” and THAT IS THE TRUTH. Then our waiter was all, “WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING?” because Chooch had his DS with him after a year of not caring about it (kids, amirite) and then they bonded over Pokemon and all I could think was, “BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?! I’M HERE TOO!”

But I got to tell my dad and Ryan about our trip to Korea so that made up for it not getting any attention from the waitstaff.

Anyway the whole point of this is that I was obsessing over the whole white pizza fiasco thing because if there is one thing you should know about me, it’s that I will latch on to the dumbest thing you tell me, whether it’s something you hate (don’t tell me you hate clowns, let’s put it that way) or some embarrassing moment you had that I witnessed — I will hold these things close to my chest and you’ll never know when I’ll throw it back in your face in the form of a greeting card or a homemade t-shirt.

Or a painting, like this one that I made for Barb which features her least favorite actor, Bill Paxton.

Naturally, I started trolling Chooch as soon as we got home. The first thing I did was run into his room and leave him a white pizza message on his whiteboard. (And please, don’t call CPS on me for the other message. I don’t even own a belt.)

And then it happened, my giddy obsession grew strong enough to push me out of painting retirement long enough to make him this wooden plaque, which he is less than pleased about but I think he secretly is craving white pizza now.

I think his next birthday cake should be a white pizza.

Anyway, I haven’t felt this inspired since HAM SANDWICH AF, when I made a commemorative painting:

OK, now I have to go lay down. I’ve had a headache all day and then it turns out Henry does too and we’ve since determined that it’s possibly from when I sprayed Chooch’s white pizza plaque with varnish in a non-ventilated area. It was nice knowing you, Internet friends.

This probably just looks like a weird-shaped building to the untrained eye, but even most kpop n00bs would know that this is the headquarters of YG Entertainment, the agency that has brought the world 2NE1, Psy, Blackpink, Ikon, Winner, and the ultimate kpop kings, BIGBANG. Even though you can’t go inside, visiting this kpop castle was at the top of my list because I just needed to look it all over, up and down, side to side, back to front, with my own two eyeballs.

So after eating the 8734082705 dollar breakfast buffet at our hotel (not worth it!), we set off early Sunday morning (a/k/a Our Last Full Day in Korea) for the iconic YG homestead.

Surprisingly, this was the easiest thing we found during the whole entire trip, I think! It was meant to be!

YG Entertainment is considered to be one of the Big Three Kpop agencies (SM and JYP being the other two). I know that BTS is taking over America right now, but BIGBANG was wooing the rest of the world way before that and everything they touch turns to gold. G-Dragon is Korea’s National Treasure! Just standing there and looking up at this structure, with so much talent within its walls, felt so surreal! I have seen it so many times in pictures and in videos, and now here it was right in front of me! I COULD HAVE PROBABLY BEEN STANDING IN THE SAME SPOT THAT G-DRAGON MIGHT HAVE MAYBE STOOD ONCE AT SOME POINT, I CAN’T EVEN HANDLE IT!

Right across the street is a GS25 (a large and amazing convenience store chain that we stopped in everyday) and I pictured G-Dragon strolling in there on any random afternoon to grab some ramyun or banana uyuu and can you imagine WORKING THERE?! I would never take a day off! Let me stand behind my register all fucking and night and wait to catch a glimpse of Seungri or Mino or Jenny.

I’m not going to try and act like I wasn’t shook. I was pretty giddy.

I loved that there were so many messages of love and appreciation scrawled on the walls behind the convenience store. It was early enough on a Sunday morning that we were the only ones there but I can imagine the crowds this area must draw, especially before 4 out of 5 BIGBANG members enlisted in the military. If I was a kid in Seoul, I feel like I would be loafing (lol, that word will forever make me  think of my dad) in that area all the time after school.

“What did you think about going to YG?” I asked Henry just now.

“What do you mean?” he asked because he’s remedial and needs questions illustrated for him, translated into Caveman grunts, played out it in an interpretive dance.

“Like, did you think it was cool? Were you like ‘Oh cool, the YG building!’?” I coached.

“No, I thought it was just another building,” and then he mumbled other things that I couldn’t hear because he was walking away, and I think it’s funny that now that he knows he’s being interviewed, he’s trying to act like he doesn’t care about kpop because over the weekend I was like “WE DON’T HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON!”and he quietly said, “Yes, we do. I like kpop” and I was like, “OH SHIT BOY I’LL NEVER LET YOU FORGET THAT YOU SAID THIS!”

But really, here are some signs that Henry is a Kpop dad:

“Jimin looks like he lost weight.”

“Is this SHINee’s comeback stage?”

“Pfft, probably” – after hearing the headline Did Hyuna Take Sexy Too Far.

“They got V’s name wrong! That said Jung Kook!”

YG will always be the most prestigious kpop agency in my eyes and I’m so excited that I got to see it. I WONDER WHO WAS IN THERE THAT DAY?!!?!? Blackpink has been preparing for a comeback, so maybe they were there?! OMG I would have died if I saw them. (Henry would have too — he loves him some Blackpink. He listens to them A LOT on his own time.)

I will leave you with two of my favorite non-BIGBANG YG videos, because it’s nice to give some other groups the spotlight sometimes.

I like to shout the 널 좋아해 parts real loud to the cats when I listen to this alone in the house. It means “I like you.” That’s your daily lesson from me to you.

One of my favorite kpop cardio workouts uses this song! Anyway, the first time we went to Hongdae, Ikon was there giving out free hugs apparently and I think I may have seen one of them but he was across the street and Chooch was like, “WE ARE GOING THIS WAY BECAUSE I’M IN CHARGE HERE” so I didn’t get to see what was going on. Thanks, Chooch.

LOL OK FINE TWIST MY ARM here is a BIGBANG video too. I just asked Chooch which BIGBANG he would share and he said, with little hesitation, “Fantastic Baby.” So here’s a three-song compilation from one of the award shows they performed on because it also includes Bang Bang Bang and that song is a, well, banger. Also I loved G-Dragon’s hair so much in this! HOW DOES HE MAKE A MULLET LOOK SO FUCKING HOT.

Kings. BIGBANG is the group that got me 100% obsessed with kpop and Korea in general, so YG will always be the best in my opinion. I can’t believe I got to stand before it, like it was a legit religious shrine and I just got off the church bus with a bunch of nuns.

Henry was so happy a few weeks ago when I decided, on my own, and in a very adult-like fashion, that I was going to sacrifice GOT7 because I’d rather just go to KCON and man, these kpop concerts are $$$x100. Remember, my old lifestyle was rich with concerts but those ones were cheap as fuck, like between $8-$20 per show, depending on the band. And it’s funny because when I got into kpop several years ago, I remember thinking, “I love this music but would never pay that much to see any of these groups.”

And yet, here we are.

BTS announced their world tour two weeks ago and Henry was like, “WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME” because he knows that BTS is on my short list of “BUT HENRY, I CAN’T MISS THIS!” groups. However, they are so much more popular now in America that I was trying not to get my hopes up too much because I figured, even if I had the money for tickets, the chances of me actually GETTING tickets was not very good. I mean, the last time they were here there was zero mainstream hype for them and their concerts still sold out in minutes.

Most people my age are stressed over bills, childcare, mortgages, normal adult things that I vaguely remember my parents talking about when I was a kid, but I’m over here like “OH MY GAWD BTS TICKETS GO ON SALE ON SATURDAY. STRESSSSSS.” I know, I’m sickening.

But you know, in my life, “fun” and “adventures” are a huge priority.

I was driving people nuts at work about this (sorry, Lori!) and thankfully, tickets for some of the dates were set to go on sale on Saturday so at least only Henry would have to deal with it and my work friends wouldn’t have to do any faux-consoling if I was unable to obtain tickets. The day I got my G-Dragon tickets last year was pretty chaotic and in hindsight…..nope, not embarrassed. Never mind.

I woke up yesterday morning sick to my stomach over this and then had the arduous task of waiting until 10am. By 9;40, I had the desktop, laptop, my phone, and Henry’s phone all set. And by 9:59, the Ticketmaster site had crashed. I started freaking out because I couldn’t get the page to refresh on the computer, but then I looked at my phone and realized I HAD GOTTEN THROUGH AND THERE WERE TWO TICKETS WAITING FOR ME AND THEY WERE WITHIN MY BUDGET TOO!

Look, I love BTS a lot but I’m not an Army (that’s what their fan club members call themselves) and also don’t have $2,000 laying around for general admission standing tickets on the floor. And even if I did have that kind of money, I wouldn’t be able to justify spending that much.

So the “best available” tickets that were found for me at exactly 10:00am were already seats that are pretty far back, but not the bloodiest of nose bleed seats at all, but still cost me a tiny bit more than I would have preferred to spend but hey, I guess this is why I have a job, right? Sigh.

Meanwhile, Henry’s phone brought up two floor seats right away and he was like LOL NOPE GO FUCK YOURSELF, TICKETMASTER and we opted for the ones I had on my phone. But stupidly, instead of using the ticketmaster app which I have on my phone, I typed in the address on my phone’s browser so the payment screen was ridiculously small and hard to read and I got a new credit card since I last used Ticketmaster, so these things paired with the overall stress of the situation caused me to have a full-blown meltdown and my hands were shaking so bad, seriously so bad, that Henry kept yelling, “JUST GIVE ME YOUR PHONE. GIVE ME THE FUCKING PHONE. JUST LET ME DO IT!!” before snatching it straight from my hands and calmly re-entering all of my information, pressing submit, and successfully purchasing two BTS tickets for next September at the Prudential Center in Newark and I followed him around the house for a solid 10 minutes after, profusely thanking him and hugging him and squealing like a teenager.

He muttered something about just wanting me to be happy, and I was like AW HENRY IS THE SURLY K-DRAMA CHAEBOL CHAIRPERSON WHO ACTS LIKE HE DOESN’T WANT TO LOVE ANYONE BUT SECRETLY LOVES ME!

And then every date promptly sold out right after this (there are tickets going on sale tomorrow for some other cities — godspeed, BTS fans) and I am still a bit dazed over our solid luck, and also sick over how hard it is to get tickets these days. I remember back in the day when we would have to go to the ticket office at Kauffman’s in Century III Mall to buy tickets! Or National Record Mart! Now it’s all about beating the ‘bots to the tickets online and it’s so fucked up. I honestly didn’t think we would get tickets had pretty much almost talked myself out of even trying.

Chooch is going with me (Henry has said he doesn’t care how much he likes them, it will never be enough to endure an entire arena full of hysterically screaming girls, lol) and he is very excited, but also scared for his ears so don’t worry, we will have ear plugs with us.

I’M SO FUCKING EXCITED!!!

We’re on the train to Busan (insert obligatory zombie jokes here, lol) and I’m taking advantage of the free WiFi so here’s a quick update from yesterday! We spent the morning hiking up Namsan mountain to N. Seoul Tower, which Henry kept saying was going to BE SO CROWDED but then it wasn’t. I will do a proper post on this and also our lunchtime in Myeongdong, but right now I just want to quickly update about seeing the Jonghyun memorial at SMTown in Gangnam.

I was one of millions of people who were devastated when Jonghyun from SHINee took his life last December and it was important to me that I get to pay respect and add a note to the wall. Part of the process, as my friend Alyson Hell would say.

Here are some photos.

This was playing on the gigantic, seriously the largest I’ve ever seen on a building, screen outside of SMTown.

The Jonghyun shrine is on the top floor of SMTown, in a back corner room. The mood was understandably somber, and the people in there (maybe about 20 at the time of our visit) were very quiet and respectful.

I started crying immediately. I mean, do you know me? #emotionalhurricane

Chooch and I both wrote notes to add to the wall (his was so freaking sweet, I wanted to die) and then we slowly walked around looking at the fan art and other beautiful and thoughtful messages from around the world. It was really enough to take your breath away. You could just feel the love and pain radiating from those notes.

My heart ached so bad while we were there. But I feel grateful that I got to see it and just the simple act of standing in a room with other people who are still mourning and remembering was really special.

xo.

My highlight for today* is probably vastly different from Chooch’s (we went to the Raccoon Cafe and he got to molest a Corgi AND Shibu). But here it is, quickly while we’re resting up before venturing out for some late night patbingsoo!

*(I didn’t get a chance to do a quick post on Monday because we spent the whole day at Everland, Korea’s largest amusement park, and I for once didn’t wake up at a god awful AM hour. I have a ton to write about Everland, so that will happen at some point when I’m home!

)

Today, the plan was to hit up Namdaemun Market, which was awesome once Henry stopped being a jackass to us. After that, we went to Hongdae because there are a bunch of super-extra shops I wanted to check out (Ader Error takes the cake, only because the Hongdae Gentle Monster was under construction). We originally wanted to get patbingsoo at that time, but the place we were looking for either changed locations, closed, or only appeared to us in our dreams because we basically walked in circle for an hour. So the new plan was to eat at Aori Ramen, which is owned by BIGBANG’s Seungri. I originally wanted to eat at the Gangnam location, but I figured we all needed to eat before we murdered each other, and it was right in front of us.

There was only one couple there in line when we got there, but the place only seats like 32 people so we had to wait for about 20 minutes. The guy who was managing the place was so nice even though he was in there hustling. The line kept growing and growing, and he kept popping his head out to tell us “almost, almost.

”

After a few minutes, I started to wonder if he could possibly be Seungri’s dad. I mean, he looked just like him! But then the girl in line behind us started excitedly talking to her boyfriend in Korean and I heard the word “appa” and she kept giddily peering through the glass of the door.

Henry and I looked at each other and mouthed, “IT’S SEUNGRI’S DAD!”

You guys! Even if Seungri’s dad hadn’t been there, it was the best freaking ramen I’ve ever had. (I mean, I’ve never been to Japan, though.) I really appreciated the ordering process too because don’t listen to what people say about South Korea being English-savvy – the language barrier is real.

Chooch ordered “spicy” because he thinks that just because he’s been here since Friday, his spice threshold has risen. The poor kid had bee-stung lips by the time he was done but I gotta give him props because he is legitimately trying new things here and has developed a taste for gochujang of all things.

Anyway, while we were eating, Henry said, “Those people just got their picture taken with Seungri’s dad.

” So that settled it. Chooch agreed to be my picture=proxy as usual since I hate having my picture taken, and after Henry paid, I asked as politely and hopefully as non-sasaeng (crazy fan) as possible if we could get a picture, and he happily said, “OK OK!”

DYING. DEAD. DECOMPOSING FROM THE CUTENESS. This is just the sweetest thing ever and I am internally freaking out.

(Seungri and his dad.)

You guys, Taemin was featured on the Today Show, albeit super briefly, but I’m so happy that an American broadcast focused on someone else in addition to BTS* and Psy while doing a story on Kpop.

*(Look, I really love BTS too but there are other Korean artists out there who are just as good if not better and work just as hard if not harder.)

It was good to see that they touched upon the passing of Jonghyun as well, and the effect that has had on Taemin. Major hat tip to the Today Show for that.

I texted Henry a series of CAPSLOCK screams and his only response to me was, “Calm down.”

I WILL NOT.

************

Also, in other news, today marks one month until we leave for Korea! It’s finally starting to feel more real, especially when I looked over the other night and saw Henry looking up KTX info for Busan.

Sometimes I think about it and my heart starts flopping around so hard that I feel like I could just expire right here and now.

My prelude to Valentine’s Day is not a great one. I just woke up Henry and before I even had a chance to say what I wanted to say, I burst into tears.

Impending panic was chasing away his drowsiness by now, and he quickly asked me what was wrong.

“G-Dragon’s military enlistment has been confirmed! It’s FEBRUARY 27TH! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT G-DRAGON FOR 2 YEARS?

MY HEART HURTS SO BAD!”

“Oh for God’s sake, you’ll survive,” Henry said, rolling over and falling back to sleep.

https://www.soompi.com/2018/02/13/bigbangs-g-dragon-confirms-military-enlistment-date/

Seems dumb, but I’m sad. G-Dragon is everything.

Update: I revised the Korea countdown calendar and my work friends are like “oh no.”

I kept putting off buying a BIGBANG light stick because I’m a tightwad but then Henry got me a gift certificate for an online Kpop store so bam that bitch went all up in my cart.

Even though it will be years (IF EVER!!) that my light stick will get to experience a BIGBANG concert what with the impending military enlistments.

Sigh.

Anyway, my light stick arrived the other day and I was sad because it takes two AAA batteries and we only had spare AAs on hand. This was a huge issue, nevermind the fact that we have a freakin’ CVS three blocks away and I could have just walked my ass there, but then Chooch was all, “DADDY’S SMALL FLASHLIGHT MIGHT HAVE TRIPLE As” and before Henry had a chance to snatch his coveted flashlight from us, I had thieved the batteries.

“Come on!” Henry cried as I fled with them in my clenched fist. He is SO POSSESSIVE OF HIS FLASHLIGHTS. Actually, this is the only flashlight he has right now for some reason.

(One time I let a neighbor borrow one of his flashlights without asking him first and it was A Very Big Deal.)

“Let me do it!” Chooch begged, because inserting batteries into a thing is like really amazing you guys. Instead of being mature and lettin my 11-year-old son have a moment to shine, I said, and I do mean shrieked, “NO IT’S MY LIGHT STICK DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH IT YOU’RE GOING TO BREAK IT!” and then I promptly jammed the first battery in the wrong way and got it stuck, resulting in Henry having to devote a half hour of his life to surgically extract it.

Oh you guys it was such a scary time, not knowing if my light stick was going to make it out alive.

But Henry was a hero as usual and managed to salvage my precious BIGBANG light stick. And then I had an impromptu concert of my own. I bribed the cats to attend.

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The next day, I took it to work and even Glenn was like, “That is pretty cool I guess” but then he asked how much it cost and was like ARE YOU KIDDING THAT’S OUTRAGEOUS.

Of course, several days later, Henry had a need for his flashlight and as soon as he tried to flick it on, he remembered that the batteries now reside inside my light stick and he muttered, “God dammit.”

Hopefully one day my light stick can be in a crowd of other BIGBANG light sticks.

Remember the other day when I posted a sob story? I know, all my stories are of the sob genre, but specifically the post about how fucking cold it’s been here in Pittsburgh. Well, Saturday was still fucking cold.

I started the day with several walking workouts on YouTube since it’s just been too much to walk around the neighborhood in this weather (my Mexican taco cart boyfriend has probably forgotten me by now, ugh). And then I watched Goblin – it has taken me nearly a year to get through this drama because IT IS SO FUCKING SAD. It makes me ugly-cry so hard, it’s repulsive. Even more than This Is Us. But it is so, so, so good.

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And then Henry made me this bubbling ramyun for lunch because HAVE I MENTIONED IT’S GODDAMN COLD OUT? Every year I swear that I won’t be that person who complains about the weather or points out the obvious but man, I will just never be OK with winter. Sorry all you winter stans.

After lunch, Henry had to go to the eye doctor and originally I was just going to stay home. But then I remembered that the eye place is very close to Century III Mall, and since Chooch and I haven’t been able to get in our nightly walks, I thought it would be fun to pose as elderly mall walkers. Because, if you’re from this area you already know — there ain’t much else to do at the near-defunct Century III Mall.

Henry dropped us off and I was shocked to see that since I was last there (less than a year ago), nearly every store had closed. I’m not being hyperbolic here, either. We walked through almost an entire wing before we finally came across something that was open — freaking Things Remembered, ugh that store is so lame.

One of my friends posted a few months ago that Italian Village Pizza, the last remaining joint in the food court, had closed. Chooch and I walked over to that side of the mall and it was actually really cold, obvious that it wasn’t even being heated anymore. And my favorite wing of the mall is now entirely off-limits: the steps and escalators are all blocked off.

I know I’m a super sentimental person, but I was shocked at how much this hurt. There was a pet store down there that my friend Rachael worked at and I would visit her there in high school. And then off to the right down there was Champ’s, where I would buy all of my Champion and Starter hoodies and coats (I was a yo-girl and dressed almost exclusively in JNCO & Karl Kani jeans and college sports sweatshirts, lol — I really liked Michigan for some reason?!). When I was in 9th grade, I befriended the cutest salesguy in that joint — Will. Ugh, he was so dreamy, and like probably in college. I remember my friends Jameelah & Erika also really liked him and would get so mad because he paid the most attention to me, and after I started dating my “first love” Justin, Will would always tell me that he wasn’t good enough for me. We used to talk on the phone sometimes too (my mom WAS NOT A FAN OF THIS) but I realized later that he probably just liked me as a little sister and truly did look out for me, which was pretty awesome now that I’m old enough to see it for what it was.

I tried to regale Chooch with some of my memories, like how the dark, cobblestoned portion of the bottom floor had a shop called the Pittsburgh Store and it’s where I would get all of my stickers. “I collected stickers and had like 87 sticker books,” I told Chooch.

“Of course you did,” he sighed.

And how there was a Dairy Queen back there too, where Keri and I would always stop for refreshments on one of our ritual Friday night mall lurks. (I would always get the tropical flavored one.) And how one time we were accused of shoplifting at the Claire’s in the now-closed wing of the mall, and of course we proved that we didn’t do it but I couldn’t get the bitch manager to apologize so Keri’s mom called the mall and flipped her shit on them.

There was actually only one time in my whole life that I shoplifted, and it was when I was like 4 or 5 years ago. My mom and I were in some kitchen store on the second floor of that mall and I walked out with two magnets made out of peanut shells, and then felt so terrible when I realized what I did that I cried all night and never did that again.

But honestly, I practically lived at that mall from 7th to 10th grade. In 8th grade, I’d get dropped off every Friday night with the hopes of seeing SCOTT DAMBAUGH, who I was desperately crushing on. Even Henry knows the Dambaugh lore.

To be honest, that mall started going downhill back in the 90s when it was first sold and renovated. It was “modernized,” which basically just means they took out all of the cool parts, like the stage area that was outside of Kaufmann’s (Richard Simmons performed there once!). And the smaller third floor area was pretty much just left to die, and that has always pained me because that’s where my favorite music shop was (Waves — I bought what feels like a million dollars-worth of cassingles from that place), where my friend Liz and I “accidentally” lost the French foreign exchange student who was staying with my family during the summer of ’92, and where the best arcade was (the mall had two back then). It was also where one of my first memories originates, it’s super unclear, but I remember my Pappap and me walking around the mall a lot when I was really young, like pre-school age. And there was a…OK bear with me because I just tried to tell Henry this story and he looked at me with question marks undulating around his furry brows. How to even start this. There was a department store on that side of the mall – I thought it was Gimbles but Henry was all THAT WAS ON THE SIDE WHERE THE MEXICAN RESTAURANT IS NOW. Maybe it was Hornes then? It doesn’t matter. All that matters was that on the wall outside of it, next to the entrance, there were buttons. I never knew what they were for, but it was like a ritual for me to push them every time. And the one was brown so I would pretend that every time I pushed it, coffee was being made.

I started to remember this when I was an older kid, and when I brought it up to my Pappap he was like, “Bitch you cray” and when I started hanging out at the mall later in life with friends, I actively tried to find those buttons and no one ever knew what the hell I was talking about.

Also, the third floor used to have this super cute It’a A Small World-esque Christmas display AND NO ONE REMEMBERS THAT EITHER. Please, dear god, if you’re from Pittsburgh and have any clue what I’m going on about, PLEASE COMMENT AND VALIDATE ME.

Oh man, I just now had a recollection of buying Billy Ocean’s greatest hits for myself at Waves, and as the cashier rang me up, I turned to my friend Christy and shouted, “SUSIE IS REALLY GOING TO LIKE THIS CD” because I didn’t want the guy to know it was for me, and it’s hilarious to me that I even once cared about what someone would think about my musical persuasions!

Or going to National Record Mart when I was in third grade because I wanted to buy the T’Pau record but all I knew was that I liked the song “Heart & Soul.” When the clerk asked me who the artist was, all I could say was, “I don’t know. She looks like Tracey Ullman.” OMG AND GOING TO KAUFMANN’S TO BUY CONCERT TICKETS!

UGH AND POGS!!!!!!

Other memories I have of the mall are, pre-vegetarianism, skulking around Hickory Farms for the free kielbasi samples; eating at Alby’s Big Boy as a kid and falling into the dark hole of penpalling thanks to the penpal section of the kids menu (I WAS EVEN FEATURED ONCE!!!!!); getting all of my film developed, with doubles!, at Ritz Camera; meeting some of the Penguins at an event there after they won their first Stanley Cup (Phil Bourque and Peter Taglianetti were definitely two of them, but I’d have to find my old pictures to remember who else was there); playing the Simpsons arcade game with my brother Ryan; GETTING THE WORST HAIR CUT OF MY LIFE AT SOME SALON THAT’S NOT THERE ANYMORE THANKS MOM; Taco Tina’s.

I’ve still been going to that mall a handful of times a year, because it still has Hot Topic and Journeys. But now Journeys is gone too! I hope that my Dance Gavin Dance friend Sam got to relocate to a different Journeys. :(

On this particular afternoon, it was pretty much just me, Chooch, some elderly people, and a kid pretending to be a zombie. Chooch wanted new shoes and that was a struggle considering 90% of the stores are closed and JC Penney is the only department store left. But we eventually found a cool pair of red ADIDAS at Champs (in a new location). And they were majorly on sale too because the mall was sold to UPMC and all the remaining stores are just waiting for their leases to run out, I guess. I mean, even Spencer’s is gone. Does a mall even exist without a Spencer’s?

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Inexplicably, what the mall DOES have is a beautiful double-decker carousel that’s managed to last for several years now. Chooch and I naturally wanted to ride it but my credit card wasn’t swiping properly so the ride operator graciously let us ride for free!

“ARE WE GOING UPSTAIRS?!” I cried, and of course Chooch answered yes so we clobbered up the steps and picked our animals.

The ride operator waved to us every time we rotated past her, and I waved back the first few times but then just pretended like I didn’t notice after that because it was getting to be too much.

After this, we went to Penney’s, because we still hadn’t reached 10,000 steps (we got Chooch a Fitbit for Christmas and he and I are “healthy” competitors). I was about to try on some slutty jeans when Henry texted and said, “Don’t buy anything.”

Um, OK, control freak.

“Especially not stupid, overpriced red shoes.”

I showed Chooch and we both looked at each other like, “WHAT HOW WHY.” I figured he probably got a text notification that I purchased something from Champs because ever since we had our account hacked several years ago, Henry gets notified for every last purchase just in case.

“Or merry-go-round rides.”

OK, for sure I figured he probably just saw our picture on Instagram, but I wasn’t sure how he knew that we bought red shoes. Then he asked where we were and after I said “Penneys” he appeared behind us LIKE A FUCKING CREEPER. Turns out, he had been in the mall for a minute because he had to go to the Verizon store, and on his way there, he walked past us just as we were getting on the carousel. He even mimicked me saying, “ARE WE GOING UPSTAIRS?!” Lol! I was like, “OMG were you so proud to know us?!” and he said no, that he hung his head in shame and hurried past us before we saw him.

WOW, RUDE.

Henry said the first thing he noticed was that Chooch was wearing brand new bright red shoes hahaha.

So that took up pretty much the whole afternoon.

I spent some time in the evening making some new Kpop cards, and then later we had family KpopX night! THIS IS MY FAVORITE NIGHT! HENRY DOESN’T EVEN TRY!

We finished the night by watching an old Running Man episode featuring IU, so I had my tea in an IU cup. It was a good day. I mean, it was cold as fuck. But it was good.

Henry and I worked hard to make sure that we were offering a good array of Korean fare. We have both learned so much about it over the last year and honestly have adapted our daily diet around it, no joke. Most of my meals are seasoned heartily with gochugaru and swimming in gochujang that my tongue rarely feels the heat of spicy food anymore. I’m over here like, “Here try this, it’s not spicy at all” while people are gasping and reaching desperately for a glass of cold milk.

So we tried to keep it authentic* while not incinerating our guests’ cheek linings.

* (As authentic as possible considering neither of us are Korean; but as someone who really likes cooking, I will say that Henry treats this cuisine with utmost respect and doesn’t try to Americanize it at all. He even added eomuk – fish cakes – to the tteokbokki.)

The final menu was:

• japchae
• tteokbokki (this is seriously one of my favorites and I can’t wait to eat the fuck out of it in Korea)
• bossam (pork belly lettuce wraps)
  • plus a vegetarian pork version for Chooch and me
• Korean fried chicken
• Korean fried tofu
• a handsome (lol) array of banchan

I wanted him to also make kimchi jeon (pancake) but he answered me with a glare; also, we ended up being properly stuffed with what he provided, so perhaps we’ll save the jeon for the next K-dinner party.

The banchan included:

• lotus root
• perilla leaves
• bellflower root (one of my faves!)
• kimchi
• pickled daikon
• fernbrake

All of these were procured from New Sam Bok, a Korean market in the Strip. Henry made the lotus root himself though. I mean, he didn’t GROW it, but he boiled and marinated it and our house smelled so fucking good while that was happening.

I was worried that our guests were going to recoil at the banchan, because let’s face it, this isn’t like your standard side of fucking cole slaw, you know? But these are staples in Korean households, and I have to say that for the last year I have been eating kimchi on a regular basis and it’s to the point where I will sometimes sit at work thinking about it and longing to be home with a side of it in front of me.

Henry also prepared bean sprout (basically just fresh bean sprouts marinated in sesame oil – it’s so good), but we forgot to put it out on the table. C’EST LA VIE, BEAN SPROUTS.

Everyone was waiting for JANNA to get there. She had some excuse about TRAFFIC.

But then she finally arrived and the pouring of the soju commenced. We had two bottles on hand, and Chronica brought two more, so we were set. I wanted to also have magkeolli but we live in shitty Pennsylvania with their prohibitionist liquor restrictions so none of the Asian markets around here sell it. Henry was going to order it from the state store but they were like, “Nice try, you have to buy a whole case.” We obviously didn’t want a full case so no magkeolli for this go around. Maybe next time we’ll plan ahead and take a drive to the nearest H-Mart or something, or Henry can buy a fucking kit and make some.

Holy chopstick holder.

You guys! The banchan was a success! Blake said his favorite was the bellflower (doraji) and everyone resoundingly enjoyed the fernbrake which I thought was going to bomb, even though apparently in Korea it’s the favored banchan. I liked it, but the texture was a bit off-putting. I read that it’s really good in bibimbap though so I think I’m going to have Henry make some of that this week. (He recently bought a dolsat pot!)

Sorry this picture isn’t very appetizing but I was off my food-photog game that night because I was too busy Edward Chopstickhanding all the food into my face. But here’s the tteokbokki and japchae!

And Korean Fried Chicken & Tofu! No pictures of the bossam, though — SORRY.

Every kept saying how much they liked the food, and I was glad for Henry. He deserves all the props and hat tips!

Also, Chooch finally tried kimchi and admitted that he sort of liked it, kind of. I’m actually not sure if he ate anything all night because I was too busy with my face in my plate. I guess I should ask Janna.

Chooch got What Do You Meme for Christmas and was itching for dinner to be over so he could finally play it with Blake and Chris. (“And maybe her,” he said, putting at me as an afterthought. Monica was delighted to not be included because she didn’t want to play. I DIDN’T REALLY WANT TO PLAY EITHER!) At one point, he could contain his excitement no longer and started rummaging through the game; he was so pleased when he pulled out the Kim Jong Un card. Sigh.

Also, Chooch had a seating chart all planned out in his head and his brain all but exploded when people arrived and started sitting wherever they wanted. But he still got to sit next to Blake, which was his ultimate goal, so he left everyone else stay in their seats. It was kind of up in the air there for a minute, though.

Henry spent most of the dinner in the kitchen and then holding his grandson Calvin, but he had no complaints.

And my favorite kpop videos played in the background all during dinner. I even got to answer questions about kpop, the food we were eating, and Korean holidays! It was all I could ask for and I was so happy that everyone there was showing interest and not making me feel dumb for bear-hugging an entire culture that’s not my own. Monica at one point said that everyone has a thing, and some people’s thing i making the rest of us feel bad about having a thing.

This is really true.

After dinner, Chooch finally got to play his damn game, which is basically just as vulgar as Cards Against Humanity and Janna kept putting cards back in the deck because she didn’t want to read them in front of Chooch. I think Janna’s modesty was my favorite part! Monica and Henry wee so happy that they didn’t have to play.

My favorite part of the night was when we played MY favorite game, which Chris says isn’t actually a game, but it’s called, “Use Google Translate to give Chris Spanish sentences to translate” and of course she always gets it because she’s a freaking bilingual genius, but the funnest part is listening to Chooch read the Spanish out loud, even though all of his sentences are disparaging about my cat Penelope and way too complimentary about his dumb cat Drew. Mine was, “Jimin is Henry’s bias because he likes his chipmunk cheeks and luscious lips.” It was so dumb, and maybe it was the wine, soju, and Chris’s homemade eggnog talking, but I was in tears laughing.

I wish I had more pictures, but goddamn I was so into the food and company! It felt nice to be moderately social without the accompanying anxiety for once. It’s been a while. The night was so awesome, but more importantly, my friends are awesome! I’m thankful that they came over and partook in my favorite things for an evening. <3

Have a zutter* holiday!

*That means “dope” – now you know a Korean word. Merry Xmas! 

We almost didn’t get any Christmas cards out this year because our card business was booming this season! I can’t complain about that at all (Henry is though,  because Chooch’s puzzle is still hogging the dining room table and making his card assemblage process really hard). #HUMBLEBRAG #LOL

But honestly, all of us here wish everyone a wonderful day with loved ones and good food. I hope no one is alone today. I love you all! <3

The other day, Taemin announced another comeback for this year and my heart burst! His Move album is being repackaged with 4 new songs and one of them was released today with a video on Naver, which was posted RIGHT BEFORE I LEFT FOR WORK so I got to watch it and weep.

I love it.

I also love that I have totally pulled Henry down into this with me.

Me: I like Taemin better with dark hair though what about you?

Henry, sighing as his Man Card wafts away into the ether: I guess.

He even admitted, without thinking about it, that his favorite Taemin song is “Move.”

We have so much fun in our house, you guys, but strangers would probably be like THE FUCK YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT. For instance, today I was like, “OMG I forgot that Minho was on that one episode of Running Man where Ji-Hyo was force-feeding Gwangsoo jajangmyeon” and Henry was all, “Oh yeah, I remember that one” and then laughed to himself at the memory of it.

Even when I said, “Instead of a Christmas party, let’s just have a small Korean dinner party after the holidays”, he was like, “Yay sounds good.” But then when I created the dinner party event thing via Facebook Messenger, I had to get Janna to add henry because I still have him blocked and the last time I logged in to unblock him, I got distracted and never finished, and then I didn’t realize that I was reactivating my fucking account ON MY BIRTHDAY so then it looked like I was being an attention whore, which I am of course, but only accidentally that time. Ugh, stress.

I think this is the closest and most shared-interest-y Henry and I have ever been. It only took 16 years!

Recently, I have been going through a creative drought. Maybe not even so much a drought, but I just haven’t felt like creating anything. I am so distracted by other hobbies and interests now that I was starting to wonder if maybe my ship has sailed, maybe the “making things” part of my life is over? But then a few months ago, on a whim,  I added several Kpop cards to my non compos cards shop on Etsy, which is a stark contrast to my line of seasonal serial killer greets, but you know me: LIKE A FUCKING ONION.

(Layers, etc.)

I thought maybe they were just one-offs, but then last week, I felt inspired again and I can’t believe it didn’t occur to me sooner to meld Kpop and my card-making together, because I haven’t felt this excited to make shit in a long time! And the best part is that some of them are so cringey that it makes Chooch want to puke, and that’s my litmus test right there. I love Kpop A LOT, so this is the softer side of the serial killer greeting card e-boutique. Where else can you buy a Valentine with the sinister Ramirez sneer and a birthday card spilling over with the angelic glisten of G-Dragon’s perfect freakin’ face?

Just a disclaimer: Our cards are made with love and care. Each one is made to order: printed on high-quality paper and then adhered to sturdy card-stock (color varies per card) – this isn’t some quick print-and-fold job! That’s why our prices are a bit higher than other greeting cards you may see around Etsy. Henry takes his job as card assembly line VERY SERIOUSLY and has it down to such a science that anytime I try to help, I fuck up the whole process. So if we ever divorce (LOL just kidding I mean BREAK UP), I’ll either have to close the shop or start hand-drawing my cards on construction paper because our printer beats me every time.

Anyway, here are all of the ones I have made so far, please feel free to purchase many and often!

BTS BANGTAN ANGELS

Guys, we got RM, Jungkook, Jimin, Jin, J-Hope, V, and Suga floating about on this card like the freaking bangtan angels they are, This could be the one Christmas card you send that doesn’t get thrown away after the holidays. Any Kpop fan in your life is guaranteed to be filled with mirth and cheer with this angelic BTS Christmas card, even if they don’t stan them.

BTS is taking over the world, help them take over the fireplace mantel Christmas card collections, too! The inside is blank, lots of room to practice your Hangeul!

Comes with an envelope. I’m always afraid that there will be that one time Henry forgets to include an envelope and then all my envelope jokes will come back to bite me.

GOT7 Christmas Card!

Can you imagine Santa rolling up to your house in a sleigh full of Kpop idols? THAT IS THE ULTIMATE CHRISTMAS WISH. Well, for some people, anyway. And if you know someone who might have that wish, or at the very least loves Got7, then you should send them this card. The inside says, very succinctly, “Merry Christmas.”

Comes with an envelope because the last time I tried to mail a card in an empty sardine can, it was sent back to me. :(

G-Dragon Santa!!

Ugh, can you imagine sitting on G-Dragon’s lap….I mean HI GUYS here I am peddling another Christmas card! If you have a friend who likes Kpop, then this is the perfect card for them. I mean, G-Dragon dressed as Santa…that’s some merry fantasy.

Front of the card says “ho ho ho” in Hangeul. Inside says “Hope you have a zutter Christmas.” Zutter means “dope” in Korean, but it’s actually pronounced more like jjuttah. It’s also the name of a song that G-Dragon did with T.O.P.! (BTS also has a song called “Dope,” but in the song, they say zutter.) See how educational these cards are?

Comes with an envelope. G-Dragon is unfortunately not included. :(

SHINee Christmas (cringe) card!

This card has just the right amount of Christmas cringe! It’s sure to be appreciated by any Kpop lover you have in your life, especially if they like SHINee (and how can you like Kpop without liking SHINee?!). The inside is a dorky play on one of their more popular songs “Ring Ding Dong” and my 11-year-old son was so repulsed when he read it and called me an embarrassment, and THAT is how I know this card is a winner!

This card comes with an envelope, and not just because I’m all in the holiday spirit or whatever, but because all of my cards come with envelopes.

Speaking of cringe-tastic SHINee cards, here’s a Valentine featuring just Taemin which also made Chooch throw up in his mouth:

Taemin Valentine!

When I made this card, I woke up my 11-year-old son to show him, and his spirited review was, “I hate you.” That’s how I know this card is great! The cringier the better, am I right, you guys?

If you’re into Kpop, or know anyone who is, this card is guarenteed to get a great reaction because hello, what set of working eyeballs in this world don’t enjoy feasting upon the flesh-masterpiece that is LEE TAEMIN?

There’s plenty of space inside to scribble some fingerhearts or write secret love messages in Hangeul. Plus, it comes with an envelope because we don’t skimp here at noncomposcards.

Inside:

I know I already posted this one on here but I wanted to look at his pretty face again, so shut up.

Speaking of Valentines!

Apink Mr. Chu Valentine/Love/Anniversary card!

I told Henry I want a Mr. Chu for Valentine’s Day and he didn’t answer me because he was napping as usual. So I will not be giving him this card. But perhaps you have someone in mind who naps less and pays more attention than my ever-exhausted elderfriend! Then this card would work for you. Anyway, this is a nice Apink Valentine for someone you know who likes kpop.

It comes with an envelope that you can slip a house key in or whatever. I don’t know what you kids do these days.

The inside says “I’m falling, falling for your love.” Obviously. (Side note: “Mr. Chu” was one of the first KpopX routines I ever did two years ago so it will always feel special to me!)

BTS “Save Me” Valentine/Love/Anniversary Card

Valentine’s Day, Anniversary, Just Because…show your favorite Kpop-lovin’ person you love them with this adorable BTS-as-cherubs cards. The inside has lyrics from “Save Me” but can also be blank or customized – just let me know in “note to seller.” The inside says “I need your love before I fall, fall.” Ugh, just go listen to the song!

Comes with an envelope in case you don’t feel like hand-delivering this fine piece of Korean art.

A funny/cute/adorable thing to note about this card is that Henry was helping me cut out all of the faces, and he had each one saved individually as their name, so like Jin.psd, JHope.psd, etc. Henry knows all of their names and I think this is just the sweetest thing in the whole world HENRY LIKES KPOP PASS IT ON.

Birthdays exist too! Here are some cards for that:

BIGBANG birthday card!

This was the first kpop card I made over the summer! Let the boys of BIGBANG do all the heavy-lifting birthday-wishing for you with the most beautiful, Heaven-sent card for any Kpop fan!

As always, this card comes with an envelope that could probably be used as a face mask afterward, with way less benefits of a legit Korean brand, though.

BTS “Jams” Birthday Card

The perfect card for kpop lovers! Let your best BTS friend know that you’re wishing them lots of fun, er, jams, on their special day. No explanation needed for BTS fans, but this is kind of tricky to explain for anyone else because it’s a play on a Korean word and there was a whole meme made out of it which was super popular in the kpopsphere. My friend Lizz who has liked kpop way longer than me approved of this card when she saw it, and that’s good enough for me!

This card comes with an envelope. Add a packet of Smuckers at your own risk.

Red Velvet Birthday Card!

I went through a phase where I would snub my nose at any cake that wasn’t red velvet. I try not to be that way with kpop groups, but Red Velvet is seriously one of the best girl groups out there IN MY OPINION. And maybe you know someone who agrees with me and would be downright tickled to receive a birthday greeting with Red Velvet splayed across the front!

The inside of the card features lyrics from their song “Ice Cream Cake” (“May your day be vanilla chocolate honey with a cherry on top”) and if that doesn’t scream HAPPY BIRTHDAY then maybe you’re normal and I should go see a doctor because my greeting cards are talking to me.

An envelope is included. Maybe you could slip in a piece of ice cream cake, just kidding, don’t do that. The mailman will eat it.

OK that’s all I have so far! But I have a ton more that I’m working out in my head (including a sheet of mini-Valentines like I have for the serial killers and vintage porn star collection), and I’m probably going to open a separate Etsy for the Kpop line at some point. And don’t worry, EXOLS, I have some EXO cards I’m working on, too.

It feels nice to be inspired again, so as usual, thank you Kpop!

HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY INFOMERCIAL.

I have to be honest: I didn’t think I was going to be able to blog for a while because of my Apple Thumb. It was hurting even worse on Thursday and yesterday that I was starting to think I was going to have to go to the hospital. It was raining on Thursday when I went outside on my break and just the simple act of opening my umbrella (OK I say “simple” but this is always a struggle for me, even with ten healthy fingers) had me yelping in pain. Glenn at one point couldn’t take my whining any longer and asked, “OK let me see this gaping wound.”

“Glenn, I have four bandages on it! And I’m never taking them off!”

I saw Todd write something down during this exchange which is why I’m convinced he’s keeping a log of all the reasons he wants his seat moved.

I started to get really concerned because I was having pain on parts of my thumb that were, what I thought, unscathed by the vicious popping apple metal, but I asked Henry where my wound was, just to confirm. Of course he was like, “Shouldn’t you know where it is?” but I reminded him that I was half-blacked out and trying desperately not to look at my bleeding thumb that it’s really not that shocking that I don’t remember. But I was pretty sure I wasn’t actually cut on the padding of my thumb, which is where I was feeling a ton of pain, so then I started to wonder if I had metal in my thumb and it was infected.

Finally last night I was visited by a surge of bravery so I slid the band-aids off which is how I learned that the pain was coming from the fact that my skin was pinched together in like 4 spots on account of quadruple band-aid action. I had essentially put a baby tourniquet on my thumb so while I was relieved that I didn’t have like, shards of apple corer blades embedded in my thumb, I was now concerned that my thumb was dying or dead because the skin was BRIGHT WHITE and bath time prune-y times 100.

Well, I’m happy to report that today my thumb still hurts but it’s mostly better and back to a normal color, but I still have weird creases in it from the band-aids. And my two apple wounds are slightly sore but scabbed so I guess I’m the road to recovery.

That was really boring, so I’ll close it out with some photos that have been rotting in my phone just like the apple I refused to eat after my hand was nearly lanced off my body.

I just showed it to Henry and he had the audacity to say, “There’s not even anything there.” WOW JUST WOW.

A few weeks ago, we had lunch at Bae Bae’s Kitchen with Janna. I had the tofu and japchae — that tofu, and I’m not just saying this because it was a Korean restaurant, was the best tofu I’ve had in my life. The texture was mind-blowing and it was so crisp without feeling like I was eating some artery-clogging carnival fare.

Henry’s review was “eh” because we have been eating a lot of Korean food over the last year and he felt that, while it was good, it was too expensive and he didn’t get his money’s worth, blah blah. It was an old man complaint. Janna and I had heart-eyes for our lunch, while Chooch was crying because he hates everything.

Henry made me tomato & kimchi grilled cheese the other day and I felt like a fucking princess.

I was on late shift yesterday so I had all morning to follow along with the 2017 MAMA updates on Twitter. MAMA is the MNET Asian Music Awards, and it’s such a big deal that they had three of them this past week, in Vietnam, Japan, and then culminating with the main event yesterday in Hong Kong. I have to admit that when I was watching the AMAs a few weeks ago, I found myself saying, “Who? Who?” a lot because western music just hasn’t kept my attention lately. But watching the MAMAs made me realize just how deeply-invested I am in all of this because I knew everyone there, even when they were flashing to groups in the audience, I’d be like, “Aw that’s EXO” or whatever. But when they were showing people in the crowd at the AMAs, I was like WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!? YouTubers, apparently.

Anyway, I was blowing up Henry’s phone all day with updates and videos. BTS won artist of the year and stopped the whole show with their legendary performance. All I kept on thinking was how quaint they probably thought the AMAs were, because that shit is small-fucking-potatoes compared to the Asian music industry. Every performance there was fucking epic and blew away everything that I saw at the AMAs. Step it up, America. Shit.

(Gratuitous Taemin drivel ahead!)

Anyway, my favorite part was OBVIOULSY Taemin. He performed “Door” in a dramatic fashion, appeared at the end of Sunmi’s “Gashina” performance and did the epic gun-dance with her, and then went right into “Move” which he won the MAMA for “best dance” later that evening and I cried because he is such a fucking king of dance and so humble, I can’t stand it!!

If you’re into spectacular dancing you should watch both videos and not just because Taemin is in both but OK yes that’s exactly why you should watch.

I have always been a stupidly emotional person – crying is contagious for me, worse than yawns or herpes. But at one point yesterday I left my body and while I hovered over top of myself, I was so embarrassed at how badly I was blubbering and sniffling while watching AN AWARDS SHOW. I guess call it projection since everything else in the world sucks so fucking much. HUGE SHRUG.

Janna and my mom are coming over for the 3rd annual Lighting of Trudy, so I have to go and eat something for dinner other than the peanut butter cookie I just had from Orbis Cafe after standing behind three pre-teen Mt. Lebanon girls placing the most pretentious and confusing hot chocolate orders I’ve ever seen (“No, only 2 of 3 large ones are peppermint, and 2 have whipped cream, but only 1 of the peppermint ones has whipped cream, and then the one that doesn’t have whipped cream needs extra foam.” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? Imagine these girls in a few years at Starbucks. They are the future of coffee culture!!!!). But can I just indulge myself once more before I sign off? I want to share a video of Taemin and Super Junior fan-boying during EXO’s performance because it’s everything.

“Seriously? They’re waving like they haven’t literally been sitting right next to each other all night long,” Henry said, yet he stuck around and watched it with me a second time BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING ADORABLE also because he likes Super Junior.

Bibimbye!