One of the coolest things about taking a trip with 70+ coaster enthusiasts is that there were bound to be a handful of YouTubers in the group. At first, I was not stoked about this because I am, in fact, a SHRINKING VIOLET which is something I was called once about 15 years ago and you know how sometimes when you’re called something that you know you’re not, it sticks with you? This was one of those things, in addition to Christina once saying that I was stand-offish. These are some factors into why I think that in addition to all of my other issues, I think that I am also having an identity crisis and we have added it to the list of goals in therapy: TO BE ME AGAIN.

Whoever that is.

J/K I know she is. She is THAT BITCH and I want her back.

ANYWAY. Where was I?

Oh yeah, bumping (bruised from coasters) elbows with these YouTubers ended up being a blessing because we now have several different POVs of our trip and even a year later, the vlogs are still coming out! GP Coasters just posted their Tusenfryd and Gronalund vlogs and I am here for it.

I was so happy to see our ascent up the iconic Tusenfryd escalator! Especially because I didn’t make it in Tim’s final shot that he posted on the Coaster Crew Instagram so I snagged a screenshot from GP Coasters’ vlog. What makes me even happier is that Kevin and Pam are in the shot! (Also in the shot is that guy in front of me who acted like he hated me for some reason oh yeah because I’m a woman who likes coasters. So threatening.)

Chooch walking without us, as usual.

Henry and me riding Storm for the first time! Looks like Jean and Larry are behind us and Arnold is in front of us with some blurry man I cannot identify. Possibly Eamon?

I can’t believe this was a year ago. Little did I know then that we’d come home, have one decent month, and then the first domino would fall. Goddammit, will I ever have fun again?

My blog has been intermittently down since Sunday, sparing you the bipolar liveblogs that for sure would have read like the end result of Norman Bates shower-stabbing a keyboard instead of Jamie Lee Curtis’s mom. It was….not a great trip.

But now it’s Tuesday. Back to work, and the day wasn’t too bad. Had my second therapy session (we made a goal to help me feel less dead inside and more importantly WE TALKED ABOUT CHIODOS AT THE END*). Only cried once so far today. Having major Olympics withdrawals as expected.

*(Sorry, I just need to interrupt this post to add how hilarious it is to me that I cried and whined all through my 20s and 30s about not having any friends who were into Warped Tour things and then flashforward to my 40s and my therapist is showing me a picture of her with Craig Owens at Warped Tour.)

All of that doom and gloom aside, Saturday was actually a really nice day so I thought maybe it would be a nice mental massage to recap that day instead of anything right now.

First, Kara dropped by after running the Brookline Breeze to give me a squirrel sticker she saw at a candy store and it was such a nice gesture and always good to see her!

Then it was just a bunch of Olympics-watching until Chooch whined about wanting to drive somewhere so I suggested going to Monongahela, randomly, and getting coffee. My criteria was:

• small town
• river
• cafe

Henry and Chooch were like, “Whatever you say, Boss” and so that is just what we did.

I pointed out this apartment building to them after we parked, and I am 150% positive that I tell them this every time we drive through this area (probably about once a year, actually!), but when I was living in my first apartment in Jefferson Hills called PAYNE HILL, I used to take my ’95 Eagle Talon on joy rides out in this area because the main road (affectionately referred to as River Road) was one of my faves to drive on because you could fucking FLY with nary a chance of running into a cop. And every time I would drive through this town, I would wish I lived in these … octagon digs?

But then I recently learned that it’s essentially a retirement home, so we were joking about that.

“Look, that could be living in an apartment with an American eagle flag grossly flashing its red neck patriotism on my balcony!” I cried. “Look, that could be me who those old people in the gazebo are calling out to happily!”

“You want to be an old man in a motorized scooter?” Chooch asked in a “really?” tone.

Anyway! This Little City Cafe was nice. I was initially going to get a golden latte but at the last minute, I saw that one of the seasonal flava-flavs was orange cream and I love orange-flavored things.

The baristas were both very nice and chill, except the girl one at a certain point started DRAMATICALLY singing along to that god-awful Benson Boone song that I always say that I hate and then it comes on the radio and Henry rudely leaves it on because he doesn’t care that I hate it, and the was she was theatrically riffing along behind the counter was making me uber uncomfy. We were also jokingly reading questions from a Bible Trivia game simultaneously, so it was just a weird combo, thinking about Biblical lepers while this chick was back there in an apron doing a soulful vibrato and steaming oat milk.

We also played one round of Scattergories which I generally love but my brain just doesn’t allow for more than 15 minutes spent on any one activity these days.

Then we walked around the block for a bit because it was a nice day and I wanted to set my sights on Mon’ landmarks and such.

We sat on bleachers at this riverside park thing for a little bit and watched a BEATLES COVER BAND set up. I pointed out how pretty it was, the green trees and the blue sky and the not-so-grossly colored river, how we drive so far sometimes to see beautiful nature when Western PA has it too and Chooch killed the vibe with a succinct “Not really.”

There was no real reason for this, just thought it was aesthetic. I think this was on the side of a MASONS BUILDING, DUN DUN DUNNNN.

Then later that night, it was church festival time. The last day for Henry and Chooch to buy 50/50 tickets and not win. I was excited because THE WURMS were going to be performing and it’s not like I want their autograph or anything but they played there on the last night two years ago (maybe last year too but we were riding Scandinavian coasters then, not realizing how much life was going to suck a year later) and I enjoyed them because they actually sounded decent and they played some fun covers LIKE SECRET AGENT MAN. 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Erin Appledale (@ohhonestlyerin)

Here’s my Instagram update from the night ^^

I sent Chooch back over to request SECRET AGENT MAN and he had to stand there forever until they announced they were taking a break, then he went in for the kill (this was after he gave up and then I accused him of not loving me so he skulked back over to their stage). First, he blanked on the song name and then when he remembered it, whoever he asked said, “Oh man, I don’t know if Johnny knows that one” and Chooch was like, “Well you played it two years ago and my mom loved it” BUT I GUESS THAT DIDN’T DO IT FOR THEM BECAUSE THEY NEVER FUCKING PLAYED IT AND I SAT THERE ALL NIGHT LISTENING TO THEIR ENTIRE SET AND GETTING BIT BY MOSQUITOES FOR NOTHING.

Penelope joined us for off and on though. It was weird to not also have Drew poking around with her. This sucks.

Kristen’s brother Randall gave us some lighthouse recommendations to hit up after leaving his farm on Sunday, and while I would not consider myself a lighthouse thoosie by any means (although my aunt Susie was heavy into the lighthouse-as-interior-design lifestyle in the 90s so maybe I had a dormant maritime beacon gene in me?) but I really felt like we’d be remiss to blow through Maine on our manic road trip without fixing our eyeballs on at least one sea cliff landmark.

It was Chooch’s turn to drive and he did a good job getting us to the Rockland Breakwater Lighthouse, although I will say that we should have stopped to eat lunch first because we needed it. Picking at our leftover Holy Donut breakfast was just not cutting it and my late afternoon hanger + constant grief + inability to enjoy the little things in life x Henry in general = big explosion on the 7/8 mile ankle-snapping breakwater.

But, enough of Eeyore Erin. Eeyorerin. Let’s just look at some pictures because it was a beautiful day and if I was myself, it was a walk that I would have really enjoyed although I’m not saying that the skipped lunch wouldn’t have presented itself as a mood swing back in “normal times”. I think I still would have snapped out to some lesser extent.

By the time we made it to the actual lighthouse, I was just kind of going through the motions. There was a couple sitting on the rocks with their dog and that made me sad. I mean, obviously we weren’t ever going to be taking Drew to a lighthouse for a family picnic or whatever, but I can’t help but feel resentment every time I see people out in public with their beloved furry family members. So,

I didn’t even get a picture of the actual lighthouse portion of this bitch. Here’s what that part looks like:

Walked the whole way back in silence because Henry and Chooch pissed me off when I tried to act like we were a happy family and attempted to take a group selfie but they were both little bitches about it so I screamed LET’S JUST GO HOME THEN and stormed off ahead of them, weeping quietly behind my sunglasses.

Chooch eventually caught up with me and then we walked together in silence. I wish Henry had fallen into the water.

It really was a dangerous walk though. You had to be very cognizant and aware of each step you took because those rocks were treacherous and there were so many large gaps. Chooch tripped at one point and it gave me hardcore Jello legs.

Me and my wrinkled shirt took our own selfie once we made it back to solid ground, thank you.

We kept seeing these plants everywhere and I was really into them.

The next lighthouse was about 20 minutes away and Chooch continued driving so I was glad to have Henry stuffed in the backseat where he belongs for a bit longer.

My blog is still periodically dying so I’m going to post the next two lighthouses separately because god only knows how long this will still alive.

After the morning turmoil simmered down and I got my sads out, we finally got to see our friend Kristen for the first time since 2013! She and her husband Christopher are currently staying with her brother on his alpaca farm on the coast of Maine and since we were going to be somewhat in the area, I asked her if she’d be free for a visit and she was!

I will tell you, being around Kristen and in such a tranquil setting was very therapeutic and cathartic. This place was a legit sanctuary and Kristen has such a down-to-earth presence that I finally felt like I was able to get out of my head and out of my own way for the few hours we were there.

First, we got to feed the alpacas and llamas while Kristen explained to us the ins and out of farm life. It was fascinating and definitely something that we were all interested in learning about, as animal lovers.

Chooch got to drive Kristen’s beloved Truckie!

This is the view from the house. Gorgeous! Maine is enchanting. I can’t believe it took me 45 years to get there.

I was cracking up a little a few days before our visit, thinking back to the first time Kristen and I met. I had been friends with her then-boyfriend Matt first (whom I have since fallen out of touch with since I am no longer on Facebook). He and I had become LiveJournal friends back when I was a member of the most pretentious, hifalutin, you-can’t-sit-with-us “Lj Review” group. Basically, you would submit your LJ for review and the community members, an ELITE SOCIETY of linguistic snobs, would rip you to shreds….

….or collectively appreciate you and invite you to join them.

For some reason, these total assholes (and, if we’re being real, cyber bullies) actually liked me and I became one of the few broads invited into the frat house. Matt was one of those frat boys.

Hilariously, there was only one guy who didn’t like me and he said, and I STILL QUOTE THIS TO THIS DAY, “I don’t know why all of you are q-tipping your dickholes over her.”

Yeah, really. Y tho?

Anyway! Flash forward to a few years later, I had just had Chooch (I remember Matt was H O R R I F I E D when I made my pregnancy announcement on LJ, and for good reason if you had known me back then!) and Matt said that he and his girlfriend Kristen were going to be passing through Pittsburgh and asked if Henry and I wanted to meet up! They even brought Chooch some Boston sports baby clothes! So, Henry and I, and this other local LJ guy – Lin – who we were all friends with but honestly his LJ was SO BORING and NARCISSISTIC, went to dinner at The Sharp Edge which was a really cool place to get fancy beers before breweries took over the world. Now, I only drank those fruity Belgium lambic things back then and ALWAYS ordered that when I went to Sharp Edge, so that night was no exception. Matt happily announced that he was going to pay for everyone, and I was like, “Good thing I’m a one-and-done drinker” but then the check came and I happened to glance at it and I saw that my drink was like $30 or something ridic?! Apparently, I had accidentally ordered some special Lambic that was made with limited edition ingredients from some protected fantasy land and sealed with a kiss from God’s lips. I don’t even know what happened there, but Henry muttered, “good job, Erin” which was the alternate title for this blog, by the way.

But yeah, I just remember even then thinking, “Wow, Kristen is amazing and so cool and smart and pretty yet REALLY NICE and easy to talk to!?” That never had been my experience with other people’s girlfriends in the past. Then Kristen and I became friends too so she wasn’t just “Matt’s gf” and even though we only got to hang out once more after that, she and I remained in touch through the years and friendships like that are so cool, aren’t they? Kristen has been such a big support for me over these last few mths, especially through the college process. Having a friend that cares about my kid’s future and education is so amazing!

THEY HAVE YAKS!!

AND DOGS! And a “barn” full of cats! I say “barn” because those it’s luxury digs for those kitties. They are probably living more comfortably than us!

We also got to meet Kristen’s brother who is beyond chill and welcoming, just a cool guy with an incredible eye for design; her niece and nephew; and her husband Christopher who was in a Gatorade commercial with Sidney Crosby and yes that was my big take-away from the day!

I look like a total shrub as usual, but I’m so glad to get this photo together! I can’t believe we got to see Kristen after all this time! Thank god for LiveJournal, honestly. Anytime I tell Chooch about some friend I have in another city, he says, “Let me guess, LiveJournal.” I mean, sometimes it’s Twitter or Instagram or even in some cases, Etsy! But yeah, 90% of the time, it’s gonna be LJ.

I hope that next time, we have more time to hang out. There was so much activity and action going on around us and it was so exciting! But we still had more poorly-planned things to cover on this road trip, so we parted ways in early afternoon and headed off to the first lighthouse of the day. COME BACK LATER FOR THAT.

Also, Kristen, if you ever come back to Pgh for a visit, I’ll let you feed my squirrels!

Typically, I love summer just as much as I love fall (actually, more so because with fall comes the panic of the looming winter) but you know, this summer has been such trash for me. I have been trying really hard to find and latch on to little moments of happiness, and there have been some, but it has been so hard. Every time I’m alone, I’m crying (like right now) and I know that one day I’ll be OK again and I am actively trying to make strides toward that goal, but Jesus Christ. It feels like I’m doggy paddling in quicksand with ankle weights on.

• The Olympics are bringing me small batches of joy (also anxiety!) but I know that when they end here in a few days, I will have post-Olympics withdrawal as I always do and it’s going to hit worse and harder this time with everything else going on. (Pommel Horse Guy has been my favorite part of the 2024 Olympics! I wish that Judy had been here at least once so that I could have live-blogged on this brokedown piece of shit hacker-addled site like old times.
• I started therapy on Tuesday! I know I said I was starting a few weeks ago but what happened was – the therapist I initially contacted (my 1st choice) had responded right away but then her intake coordinator hadn’t reached out or returned my call. So Henry was like, “Enough of this, here, I found someone else for you” and it was some lady here in Brookline which would have been preferable actually for the sheer convenience of being able to walk there, but after texting with her a few times and filling out her intake forms in the portal, I just….I wasn’t feeling it. She also specializes in LGBTQ+ and then that made me feel guilty, because what if I was taking a spot away from someone who needed it? Also, I specifically said I wasn’t interested in telehealth and she scheduled me for telehealth.  But then, the first therapist pulled through! Her intake person called me two weeks ago and we had a really great chat while getting me set up for an appointment, like it felt as though I was just bullshitting with a friend. So lowkey, so casual. And she asked if I had talked to the therapist yet and I said no, not outside of email, and she goes, “Oh, you are going to love her. She is the best, so chill!” We settled on Tuesdays, and the very next Tuesday happened to be my birthday so I interrupted to say, “Do I have to start next Tuesday though? Because that’s my birthday…” and she goes, “No! Absolutely not. No, don’t do that to yourself!” and we scheduled for the following Tuesday, which was this week. When I say I felt no anxiety walking in there, but just relief, you have to understand that even going to the eye doctor has me feeling faint and vomitous. So the fact that I was this calm, it just tells me that I know on so many levels how much I needed this, how ready I was, and that what I was feeling was RELIEF. Anyway, it went so well. We just chatted about points in my intake form (she was like, “Thank you for writing so much!” and I was like, “That’s kind of my jam….” I mean, I’m a Leo with some level of narcissism come on, we all know it, so of course I’m going to happily write about myself!) and she made me feel so heard and un-crazy.
  • My favorite part though was when the subject of Warped Tour came up and she goes, “OK I have to tell you, I used to go to Warped Tour too! What are some bands you liked?” and we started NAME-DROPPING BANDS TO EACH OTHER AND SHE KNEW EVERY BAND I WAS LISTING AND I KNEW ALL OF HERS TOO and she goes, “This is so cool, I never have anyone to talk to about this stuff!” and I cried, “ME EITHER!” I think this is going to go very well. I feel comfortable talking to her, it wasn’t stiff and stuffy, I didn’t feel judged, she made me feel validated for being this shattered over Drew (“Oh, that is still so fresh! You didn’t wait very long before contacting us – that’s good,” she said, and I go, “I knew I needed help because I haven’t felt this low in a very long time and it’s scaring me” and the weight that was lifted from me just by saying those words out loud to her….)
  • We are going to start EMDR therapy soon and I am sort of anxious about it but also, that’s the reason I sought her out in the first place so I’m also excited to see if it helps.
• We’ve been doing dorm room shopping and I hate it so much. :( I can’t remember if I mentioned it, but Chooch and his roommate have friended each other on Instagram and have been messaging – he plays tennis too! They are not the same major though, which I guess has its pros and cons. What do I know.
• I was so pissed on Sunday because I wanted to “do nature,” “specifically: waterfall” and Henry took us to some place in Raccoon State Park or something and it was just…a dribble? A waterdribble? Here are some pictures from that, but first – as soon as we got there, there was a young guy at the end of the trail next to the lot and he goes, “If you see a lady in a pink neon hat, can you tell her to take the Heritage Trail?” CHOOCH AND I WERE SO EXCITED TO HAVE A MISSION! Henry of course was like, “What? What is happening?” Sadly, we ended up seeing the lady almost immediately (it was a green neon hat, not pink!). I think it might have been the guy’s mom – she looked to be in great shape but she was sweating profusely and looked like she was already several hours into this hike. Chooch gave her the message and she was just like, “*wheezing*” I could totally see this being me and Chooch one day – me being like “Hello I’m in my 50s can you slow down” and him being an able-bodied 20-something parkouring across a mountain face.

The waterfall, I guess.

Stacking rocks.

• Well, I was going to try to keep this sunny and optimistic, but this is something weird that has been making me sad: I have wanted to see the kpop group Seventeen for so long and I knew then they just announced a US tour and instead of being excited, I burst into tears because it’s the group that I used to pretend Drew was a fan of (Carat – that’s their fandom name) so now I’m just sad.
• Megan stopped by Sunday to drop off birthday treats for me and got to meet one of my Buddys as he ran in circles around her, pissed that she was walnut-blocking him.
• After we did the waterdrip thing on Sunday, Henry PURPOSELY passed up the ice cream place I wanted to go to and instead took us to some no name town by a creek where we got ice cream essentially out of the basement of someone’s house, I think?? Look, I feel bad saying this because GRANNY is blind and she seemed like a really sweet lady so I am not going to put them on blast on Yelp or anything but it was possibly the worst softserve I have ever had. It was … not soft? And tasted … off??

Granny and Pee Paw’s, though!

I couldn’t even finish it :( I threw it in the garbage. Of course, right after that, Granny came to the window and asked Henry if he thought the vanilla tasted off and he said NO??

Maybe they were just having an off day. Maybe Pee Paw was out scavenging for fresh ingredients to make a new batch in their ice cream maker:

Well, that’s all for now. The church carnival is happening and usually this paired with the Olympics would be making my head explode with content but…yeah. You know. (I will say there was a very shitty band there last night and one of the songs they performed was Wonderful Night – some broad came out of nowhere and tried to harmonize but the main vocalist was so flat that it ended up sounding even worse and I had to put on my headphones and leave the house. Henry said while I was gone, they did VOLARE and honestly thank god I missed that because it probably would have ruined the song for me. At least right now they’re just playing actual oldies via a DJ.)

We survived our night in the creepy, country Maine air bnb! I think I mentioned it in the liveblog, but it was the attic floor of a multi-tenant house and it was actually pretty cute, not gonna lie, but also awkward. The bathroom and kitchen were in the same room, which would have been a problem if we were staying here for more than just one night’s sleep. But it also really creeped me out. After we settled in Saturday night, Henry and Chooch left to find a nearby Taco Bell and I was in there alone. The TV wasn’t working (maybe it worked and I just didn’t care to figure it out) and whoever was living downstairs was very quiet, so I walked around silently, getting ready for bed. It was a bit much because, at home, it is never quiet. There is always the TV on downstairs, the radio on upstairs, plus we live on a busy street. So, I asked, “What kind of New England Ghost Story am I about to star in here?” Especially after Henry and Chooch came back – Henry was in the bathroom brushing his teeth, so, two rooms away, and I had just closed my eyes and rolled on my side when I swear to you, I swear on the box of Drew’s ashes that are right next to me here, I heard someone hoarsely whisper from what sounded like the doorway, “Erin!” I quickly rolled around and said, “What? Henry!?” but no one answered. I really thought it was Henry trying to get my attention without yelling through the house since it was “quiet hours” but he said it wasn’t him.

And then as I drifted off to sleep, my last thought was, “I wonder if any of us will survive the night.”

I thought that, if not some supernatural entity, an ax murderer would find his way up our fucking creeptastic attic staircase and slaughter us all.

A corner of our bedroom.

Our haunted bedroom that I tried to post a picture of in the liveblog but my blog was being a picture-rejecting dick that night.

Anyway, we left around 8am that morning and all I wanted to do was stop somewhere to get a small breakfast. “A cafe,” I said. “Surely they have cafes in this town.” And they did, because Henry had gone to one much earlier that morning to get me coffee while I was showering because Henry is my fucking PA in case you didn’t know, also he knows that the sooner I oral-surf the hot waves of caffeine, the less of a sunrise cunt I will be.

Oh, you guys. Oh ho ho ho ho ho why did I think this would be an easy feat? We drove around for what seemed like an hour but wasn’t, it was just that excruciating that time was appearing to stretch like Laffy Taffy but less Laffy and more Stabby. We went to one cafe and the line was long and the cafe was small so it was packed. We went to a bakery that was seemingly being praised by fucking Macron himself for their croissants that rivaled Paris’s own offerings.

BUT IT WAS CLOSED FOR “SUMMER BREAK.”

We followed two elf cosplayers into another spot down the block, but it was mostly bevs with a barely-there pastry counter.

Lots of fighting. Lots of huffing and puffing. And then finally I said, “Let’s just go back to Holy Donut” even though I didn’t want donuts and we had planned on going to one of these places in Portland later that day but honestly, with all the time we wasted looking for a “quick AM snack” so as not to “waste time,” we could have just fucking sat down at a restaurant somewhere. If someone made a Venn of the things we—collectively! not just me and Henry!—fight about, best believe “Food Fights” but more specifically “Breakfast Bickering” is going to take up the most real estate on that bitter pie.

Holy Donut, in case you didn’t know, is a famous Maine donut establishment. There are multiple locations and they are known for making their donuts with potatoes. I’m not the biggest donut connoisseur but these did seem appealing to me. I also appreciate classic flavors and not like, “How many different desserts can we stuff into one donut?” types of offerings, and Holy Donut seemed to lean toward less is more.

We ended up getting a box of 6 because they were buy 5 get 1, and the cashier almost robbed us of this but then someone came out from the back and was like THEY GET A FREE ONE and don’t worry, because I saw the sign and was getting ready to open my big fat Karen mouth anyway. (J/K I’m usually not a Karen unless I’m butting heads with authority and no offense, donut counter guy but I DIDN’T SEE A BADGE.)

The ones I was most interested in was “blueberry glazed” which was a blueberry donut with blueberry glaze, a vegan lemon, and a blueberry donut with LEMON glaze. Can you tell what my favorite flavors are.

Sadly though, and this is kind of hard to explain, but I am currently averse to blueberries? I am suddenly associating them with Drew and I literally feel a punch to the gut when I think of blueberries. I don’t know if it’s because, right up to the morning of her death, I was regularly making blueberry smoothies for breakfast and she would always stand in the kitchen and cry-meow because she wanted her treats, or trits, or T-R-I-T-Ses which she knew was just me spelling “trits” so even then she would start meowing because she wanted them. And then I was always snacking on either fresh or frozen blueberries throughout the day and in fact, there are still two cartons of frozen blueberries in the freezer which have gone untouched since July 1 because I just feel like my stomach is coming up my throat every time I see them.

Anyway.

This is all to say that the blueberry ones were just not bringing me happiness.

But the lemon vegan one? OUT OF THIS GODDAMN WORLD. If they had served it after the Astrosphere ride at Funtown,  that would have been all the incentive I needed to sign my name in blood on whatever Scientology sign-up sheet they pushed under my nose. My soul for a lemon vegan donut? You got it. You can have my 401K too, Alien Drummer.

Anyway, this opinion wouldn’t be formed until much later in the day because I was still IN A MOOD and only took a small bite out of the blueberry² donut before tossing it back in the box and declaring that I didn’t even want a donut and then proceeding to silently cry the whole way to our friend Kristen’s brother’s alpaca farm on the coast of Maine, which is what we’ll talk about next time.

This part of Saturday night was frustrating. I had a plan and as per usual Henry decided to wipe his ass with it and go rogue. We were supposed to go to Portland after Funtown, have dinner, look at the lighthouse, do fun and cool city stuff. But Henry was like WE WILL INSTEAD GO TO THAT BEACH PLACE YOU MENTIONED and like, yeah, I mentioned it but that was for Sunday night?! When it would probably be less crowded?

So, we get there and it’s crowded (surprise) and Henry was being so annoying about parking. I lost it and cried, “JUST FORGET IT, LET’S JUST GO TO THE AIRBNB” and he was like “AT 7:OOPM?? AND THEN JUST STAY THERE?!” because it was in the middle of nowhere with stuff to do. So then after he started to head toward that way, I was like FINE JUST GO BACK and so we did but it was annoying and crowded and honestly, I just didn’t like the vibes.

The actual area is called Old Orchard Beach, btw, and it is NO WILDWOOD, NJ, that I will tell you. I was hoping for Big Beach Energy but it wasn’t that. It felt like a county fair, but put it next to the beach.

We didn’t spend much time here. We had three coaster creds to scoop up – Henry opted out because we had to pay per ride and he is El Cheapo.

Thrilled.

This Orient Express was actually kind of forceful!?

I don’t know why Henry took so many pictures.

And a video:

Then we rode an SBF Visa Spinner. It was fine. Didn’t spin much and you can tell we are just so excited to be there riding a coaster model we’ve ridden 87 times.

This place was very crowded. It was like the Jersey Shore but with Maine accents and lots of French-Canadian tourists.

The main attraction was SEA VIPER:

I really enjoyed this! It was wild and not nearly as uncomfortable or janky as I had it pegged to be by scoping it out from line. And for one-train ops, the wait actually wasn’t that bad – maybe 25 minutes?

I loved this flat ride the most though!! YOU CAN TELL, BECAUSE I AM ACTUALLY SMILING!

Then we also did a realllllly lame funhouse (sorry, but Europe spoiled us with funhouses!!) and then walked down some pier thing with restaurants that had no food for vegetarians, and then we got coffee from some old woman at a snack counter. She was nice. The coffee was OK.

God, I was in such a foul mood though. I was hungry but not, I was sad but angry, I was tired but bored. Nothing was making me happy. I actually flipped out right after Henry took this picture because people were walking by and I was like HURRY UP AND TAKE THE PICTURE and then I decided NEVER MIND JUST FORGET IT and I walked away while Chooch was still sitting there, like, “I thought you wanted a picture here…?” and YOU KNOW WHAT, I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WANTED.

So then we left and started to make our way to the airbnb in Westbrook, Maine which was about 20 minutes away and I cried in the passenger seat while occasionally snarling shitty remarks at Henry in the stylings of Teenage Girl Possessed by the Devil, because that is just what I do now. Where is my Olympic gold for being the GOAT at crying on the spot while verbally eviscerating Henry. This bitch can multi-task.

OH I WAS ALSO PISSED BECAUSE MY BLOG WAS BROKEN AND I WAS TRYING TO LIVE BLOG AND WHY IS EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE BREAKING/DYING/LEAVING/ETC.

Look at these beautiful memories I’ve been making this summer.

Our first stop in Maine was a town called Saco where a small amusement park called FUNTOWN SPLASHTOWN lives. You gotta know we planned this trip around roller coasters! Originally, we were also going to go to La Ronde in Montreal, but that is infamously known as the WORST Six Flags park in their entire roster and we figured if we’re going to go to Montreal for the first time, we want more time to actually see the city AND we’d prefer going to the park on a weekday NOT a Saturday. Well, Henry decided this unilaterally, I should say. And then continued to change the itinerary every step of the way, BUT THAT IS NEITHER HERE NOR THERE, RIGHT???

Don’t mind me, sitting over here at my desk blowing piping hot steam out of my nose like your average pissed off cartoon bull.

I also want to interrupt myself here to say that I thought it was fun that the state line was in the middle of a bridge! Look at me, being positive and highlighting the little things. Whoop-de-doo.

Well, I guess I will try to leave my negativity re: trip planning at the door for this one because we actually did have a really nice time once Henry stopped screaming at Chooch for “following the GPS directions” which were taking to us to the destination that would come after this one, but every time Chooch asked him, “Then which way should I go?” Henry wouldn’t answer?!! Lots of screaming ensuing.

Then Henry was all controlling about where we parked and Chooch was like, “I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING” and Henry was like, “TURN DOWN THIS AISLE!” and like, bro, the parking lot was not even that big. It truly did not matter where we parked. I was about to open the door and barrel-roll onto the gravel just to get away from the backseat drill sargeant.

S H E E S H.

Can we talk for a second about the awesome lettering/font they used here? I love it so much. It has 90’s Nick-vibes, like Doug Funny might be here with Patty Mayonnaise and the gang on a school field trip.

Since we had arrived around 4PM, we were able to get the discounted evening tickets which was a pretty decent savings! This was especially good for us because we knew this wasn’t a full-day park and that we were not going to be staying that long. (Originally, we were going to go to Portland from here and spend the evening there, but don’t worry – Henry fucked that all up UNILATERALLY as he was wont to do on this entire road trip that was meant to celebrate my birthday and help cheer me up but then ended up doing none of those things, so, good job Henry. Hope you haven’t started that travel agency yet unless it’s specifically for people who want to punish themselves under the guise of “vacationing.”)

My very first impression was neutral, I guess. There isn’t a real defined “entrance” or anything – you walk through the gate and everything is just kind of there, no rhyme or reason. No defined sections. Go left for waterpark stuff. Shitter straight ahead. Everything else, to the right and good luck. Of course, Henry had to pee straight away so we walked in and came to an abrupt halt like lost tourists while he did his thing.

Almost immediately, we came upon the new for 2023 darkride, Whispering Pines. SO HERE’S THE THING: It appears that every fucking coaster YouTuber had the same idea as us and did some rando’ New England coaster tour in the weeks leading up to our own trip, so I was watching a bunch of content prior to this and people were straight up q-tipping their pee holes over this ride. “OMG it’s Disney-caliber!” “I can’t believe this ride is here in this tiny nugu* area of Maine!” “I rode it 4x because it’s so fucking good!” “USA Today ranked it #6 of the best new attractions for 2023!”

*(nugu in Korean means “who?” and it’s what people call rookie/unknown kpop groups when they’re trying to be derogatory. Like, “Wow, that nugu group really just became Gucci embassadors? Who is their company paying off?”)

OK so I went into this with my hopes way too high, like maybe my hopes could have tried a few drops of CBD oil first before going so hard, but OK. There were three pre-teen kids in front of us and they were REAL hype boys for this ride, telling me, “IT’S SCARY!” etc etc and I was like, “Mmm, I’ll be the judge of that.”

I mean, I appreciated the Shining-esque carpeting in the queue line! That whole vibe was great.

And OK honestly? It was cool for a new dark ride in some nugu park. For sure. But was I crapping my pants and buying postcards to send home about this? “I CRAPPED MY PANTS ON A DARK RIDE IN MAINE! WISH YOU WERE HERE.”

Like…no. No, I wasn’t. IT WAS A SHOOTER RIDE AND THE GUNS WEREN’T EVEN WORKING.

Also, I hate shooter dark rides. I just want to sit back and relax on a dark ride. And I’m not even that picky, either! Stick me in a Pretzel car and send me through a veritable walk-in closet full of 1960s K-Mart Halloween props, turn on some strobe lights, and splash some day-glo paint on a wall in harlequin shapes and I am golden. And make it stink of musty sweaters and fog machines.

Apparently, this bothered me on a subconscious level because I actually had a dream the other night that I was so let down by this dark ride that I MADE MY OWN that was so scary I couldn’t stop thinking about it when I woke up.

I’ve really been wanting to quit my job lately and maybe this is my calling!? DESIGNING DARKRIDES?! SALLY,, YOU HIRING? I have absolutely no industry experience but I have been going to haunted house since 1994 and watching horror movies since before I could even walk so I’m sure I have something to offer. Also, let’s not forget that I was a member of DAFE (Darkride and Funhouse Enthusiasts!) for like, two whole seasons.

OK, we have to move on from that topic. Next, we went on Wild Mouse. It was a standard Wild Mouse. Ops actually weren’t terrible. There was a straight-up carny running this piece and he was giving Kirk vibes. It was OK. I appreciated the color scheme.

But then oh what’s this, motherfucking Camelot? OK, I see you, Funtown. I see your fucking sword in the stone….or whatever.

I thought I could run back around (PUT ME IN THE DUNGEON, I DON’T CARE) to the “observation deck” or whatever so that I could take a picture of them while they were still in the station, but this fucking Sir Putzalot idiot got in my way and I kept doing the IN A HURRY shuffle behind him before finally gasping EXCUSE ME and shouldering past him. BUT IT WAS TOO LATE. I was unrealistically pissed off about this which I was going to blame on my current fucked up psycho mindset but honestly I would have reacted like this no matter what. That was just me being me.

This happened much later, but I want to say that I’m glad I decided to give this a second chance because I ended up loving it. I rode it with Henry third row from the back and it was so much better, except that we had to suffer through an entire family of line-jumpers – can’t stand you, mothercheffers!! But yeah, second time around was so much better and I actually wanted to ride it again but then line got really long after that for some dumb reason and no one wanted to wait with me so I pouted.

Longest, most boring carousel. There were kids that were actually begging to stay on. Gross.

Also around this time, we went to the gift shop which was STRANGE AND BIZARRE. There was what I can only describe as a CRYSTAL COUNTER with its very own CRYSTAL DEALER. She was…not a Funtown employee, I refuse to believe it. She used to have a crystals and windchimes shop in the mountains but was run out of the area by rogue maple syrup pirates and was forced to move her wares into a shared space with Funtown beach towels and magnets.

There was also a super screamy kid in the gift shop and its grandma pulled it outside but then stood with it at the door so we could all still hear it shrieking. It was so rude! Like, hello, crystal lady is trying to ring up my fucking magnet and Chooch’s Funtown collector’s pen while attempting to hide her disappointment that none of us opted to throw in a chakra marble, could you NOT let your grandthing wail like that?

It was in this line that I really started to notice the clientele here at Funtown.  I don’t know if I was expecting fishermen and like, the Kennedys-on-holidays or what, but that’s certainly not what we were seeing here. Henry texted me while we were in line and was like, “I feel like we’re like in rural Indiana.”  The people in this line in particular were really creeping me out. Lots of early 2000s nu metal aesthetic.

Then there was this uncomfortable interaction between two young boys behind us and another young boy that was far enough ahead of us that he was technically next to us on the other side of the railing. Anyway, I couldn’t really figure out what was going on but I think they must have met each other earlier in the day in another line and the kid in front of us was like, “Hello <name> do you remember my name?” and the kid behind us DID NOT so the other kid had to reintroduce himself and then the mom was like pretending to care about the things the kid behind us was saying and it was so fake, and then then kid behind us was like, “Hey <name> do you want to ride this with us” and that kid (I feel like his name was Joel) literally SNAPPED, “No, I promised my mom I would ride with her, so.” It was such an uncomfortable rejection and I couldn’t understand why that kid had changed his attitude so quickly when he was the one who initiated the conversation in the first place?? And then he saw some other kid he knew too and was acting like the mayor of Funtown and…no, kid, just no. You are not cool.

Anyway, he and his mom got to ride one cycle before us and when they got off the ride, they walked right past the kid behind me with NO ACKNOWEDGEMENT. I was Team Kid Behind Us. Joel was not that great and his mom seemed like a PTA mom who acts like she has lots of power but really she’s just the one that makes sure the bake sales are NUT & GLUTEN FREE.

We were fucking CACKLING the whole time and wheezing, “WTF IS THAT??” Clipart-palooza. Glad I bought a ticket, wish I had a commemorative shirt. 100% in the Top 3 best moments of the weekend. Amazing.

What a weird little park.

Hi. I remembered to use the “good” camera at one point during our weekend trip and here are some of the pictures I took that came out OK despite my poor eyesight. These are from Rockland Harbor and the iconic Portland Head Light. Of course, I have a million more photos from these places but they’re iPhone photos and will be posted later with like, more words and stuff.

I almost died climbing down here but I liked this spot a lot. And it was surprisingly not very crowded at sunset!

We went to three lighthouses on this day – am I now a lighthouse thoosie!?

Since my liveblog was half-broken, I couldn’t upload most pictures, things weren’t saving, I kept losing service in the mountains, here is a – hopefully – more cohesive account of how the first leg of Saturday went.

Blue Benn Bathroom Selfie.

I think breakfast at the Blue Benn was pretty much covered, but after that we went to this old ass cemetery specifically to see Robert Frost’s grave even though none of us collectively could name a single one of his poems. But at least we know who he is!!

It was a pretty quaint cemetery. No complaints here.

Then we drove right down the street to the Bennington Museum. If we weren’t on a schedule, I would have liked to pay for admission and look around, but instead I just ran in to check out the gift shop for magnets. I did not end up getting one, but I did buy a little tiny bottle of maple syrup (and as always immediately regretted not splurging for a biggun’) and Chooch and I got some local chocolates and maple candies while Henry sat outside with the weird Lincoln statue.

THEN, Chooch drove us up the street to the Bennington Monument and I am so glad we made time for this because it was COOL. As stated in my liveblog, it is the 6th tallest monument in the US and the largest structure in general in Vermont. It was very impressing (and imposing) in real life.

I truly had so much fun here.

Originally, I just wanted to get some photos and buy a magnet from the gift shop*, but then some guy walked by when we were leering up the monument, shrugged and said to us, “The view was pretty cool,” as though he knew we were deliberating whether to eat up more time in Bennington. I didn’t want to go back in the gift shop again so we sent in Henry, who came out with two free admission stickers because he’s a “veteran.”

“Yeah, but do they know you went AWOL?” I said.

“I DID NOT—-” Henry started defensively, then cut himself off with a sigh. This is his least favorite argument to have with me, probably :)

Anyway, I was sad because I wanted to walk to the top since I’m a sick fuck when it comes to steps, but the steps were blocked off. So we had to wait for the elevator to come back down. It had an operator which was cool because he rattled off some facts to us during our ascent, and told us which states we’d be looking at from each side of the tower, and you better believe I forgot as soon as we stepped out of the elevator. Luckily, it did say it above each window!

This was the direction we came from, and you can see the Robert Frost grave church in the distance. I forget what mountains he said those were.

Each view was so lush and stunning!

Then we spotted down below, standing like a creepy bouncer.

*(RE: THE GIFT SHOP! On Tuesday,  I was putting all of my new magnets on the fridge because this is one of the only small joys I have left in life PLEASE LET ME FUCKING LIVE, when I realized that my Vermont magnet from the Bennington gift shop was actually TWO MAGNETS STUCK TOGETHER. BUT I ONLY GOT CHARGED FOR ONE. A normal person would be like, “Yes, something for free!” but my absolute monster of an empathic self crumbled in guilt. I felt like I stole it even though I didn’t! I kept thinking about the two old AF people working the counter, probably had maple syrup coursing through their veins which is the only explanation for why they were so nice and sweet, and I was just frantic to make it right. So I scoured the internet until I found a contact for the woman in charge of Bennington Monument thangs and I emailed her with an explanation of what happened and asked if I could PayPal or Venmo the money to her, like this $4.95 + whatever VT tax is would be the reason the monument would be boarded up, lack of funding, etc. Anyway, the woman (Marylou!!) responded right away with “My gosh Erin! I really admire and appreciate your honesty” and then basically went on to say in so many words that the monument is not like destitute and they can just write it off. But then she signed it “your mother would be proud.” !!! This happened on my birthday and I lost my mind and proceeded to cry my face off because I am broken and hanging on by a thread, but don’t worry because while I was crying, I forwarded it to Chooch out of smugness – I can still multi-task while having a nervous breakdown.)

Proof that Chooch enjoys life sometimes even when he is with his lame mom.

Such a fun place. I still don’t really know what the monument is for, LOL. A war thing, I guess.

Then we had a really enjoyable drive through more of Vermont while en route to Maine. Although if you ask Chooch, he will tell you it was “so boring” and “took forever” because he is the one who was driving, but I loved it! It was so scenic – we were in the mountains and then there were lots of adorable little towns we cruised through as well.

We stopped at this Hogback Mountain scenic overview joint for some Vermont creamees, which I already mentioned but they were so good, it’s worth posting twice!

But first, Henry to be annoying at the beverage cooler.

I got a baby creamee because I’m a grief baby and still not eating like a full-grown human. But I still wanted a creamee, and make it maple, bitch! The crumbles on top were also maple! This was my lunch.

Chooch looks like he is posing for an ad.

Somewhere after this, we stopped for gas and Chooch immediately got in the backseat, so Henry drove the rest of the way to our next destination: FUNTOWN SPLASHTOWN in Saco, Maine. More on that next time!

Anyway, I genuinely really liked the first half of this day and was actually kind of happy “a lil bitz” which is what I would say to Drew if she were here right now.

We left the house around 4:30PM on Friday to start our roadtrip and in all fairness, I was in pretty decent spirits. The original plan was to drive to Sylvan Beach, which Henry alleged was open until midnight, so that Chooch could claim the Galaxi credit that he missed out on a few years ago when it was closed during a repaint, but that Henry and I smugly procured when we revisited while he was tromping around Mexico.

Once we finally passed through Erie and made it to New York, things felt more road-trippy. The last time we drove through this way was in 2022 I guess, and I don’t remember all of these cool APPLEGREEN rest areas, but I was enamored by them. They were just so visually pleasing, so bright and shiny! The snack selection wasn’t the best though and the prices seemed HIGH!

But then! Something amazing happened! For the first time ever, Chooch drove during one of our roadtrips! It was so much fun with Henry banished into the backseat! We found some local radio station that was doing weird rock/rap remixes (DJs Scratch & Sniff, apparently) and that entertained us for some time. Strangely, I have still not been able to listen to the normal things I would listen to, since Drew died. So, I have been defaulting to the radio every time we’re in the car. I can’t remember the last time I even opened Spotify.

We also learned that Henry can’t tell Sia and Rihanna apart?!

I really had so much fun on this drive.

At another Applegreen!

Henry being an illuminated creep in the backseat.

WE FOUND OUT ON THE WAY TO SYLVAN BEACH THAT IT CLOSED AT 10, NOT MIDNIGHT. This was Henry’s fault so we lambasted him mercilessly over his. Another fail served by Henry. We still went anyway though even though it was after 11, because I needed to get my steps in.

Sylvan Beach is such a weird little “resort” town. It feels so haunted at night, too.

It was v. creepy and I loved it – best way to get my daily step count in.

I love this wall so much! Here’s our 2021 pictures in front of this wall.

Then we continued on to our first pitstop – Little Falls – where Chooch fucked around in the mostly-empty parking lot, trying to do the perfect park while Henry who had been inside checking in, stood in the parking lot with his arms out and an exasperated expression on his face.

I think I already mentioned this, but we stayed in a Rodeway Inn and it looked like ASS in the hallway but goddamn, our room was so new and actually super cozy. And the mirror was a smart mirror with the good ring light effect, which is what I had prayed for in our room in Seoul, but alas – that bathroom came with the worst lighting ever which is insane considering how vain South Korea as a whole is.

But yeah, guess we gotta go back to Sylvan Beach for a 4th time here at some point so Chooch can finally catch that elusive Galaxi cred!

Recapping this trip is weird. There were lots of good moments but also an underlying sense of panic that time is running out. Going places with Henry and Chooch all these years has been my whole life, you know? I love going back and reading about all the roller coasters and roadside diners and bad hotels and wacky tourist traps we’ve accumulated as a family. What is it going to be like with Chooch in college? Will Henry and I still go places? Will we survive without our buffer?

I’m so freaked out.

Also, we heard Palaye Royale twice that weekend and I had to Shazam it both times (the same song!) because it sounded familiar from my Warped Tour years. I am losing my identity.